Brittany POV

I still can't believe that I'm actually going to do this, tomorrow I'm breaking up with Santana. I know that that sounds weird, because I've been thinking about this for a while. But still, now it's really happening. Honestly, I don't know if I should feel scared, relieved, happy or sad. I'm mostly terrified about the fact that I'll break her heart, and that maybe I won't be able to fix it anymore. But that's a risk I have to take. Losing San isn't an option, but hiding forever isn't either.

In my heart I know that everything will work out just fine, because San and I belong together. She's the one, my forever. So I know that this plan will be worth the pain and the waiting in the long haul. Of course I'm scared because we're going back to the start and it took us so long to get here.

I still remember when San and I were just best friends. We were inseparable and we still are actually. Even when we were just friends, I already acted like a lovesick puppy. I don't even remember not liking or not knowing Santana. I have known her since I was in kindergarten, and from the first day I knew that she was going to be someone special to me. Even back then, when I didn't understand what true love meant, I loved her. I have always loved her, and I'll never stop.

Sometimes when other kids made fun of me, she was there to protect me. Santana was kind of like my secret guardian angel, and she still is. Everybody who even looks at me in the wrong way, will suffer the wrath of Santana. I don't approve of violence or lashing out with cruel words, but it's cute that she always tries to protect me. San doesn't have that many real friends. But the ones she has, she'll protect with her life.

When I was thirteen years old, I realized for the first time that I didn't want Santana to be my best friend but I wanted her to be my girlfriend. I would fantasize about what it would be like to kiss her, and if it would be different than kissing guys. And when that happened for the first time at a party when we were just playing spin the bottle, it blew my mind.

The way her lips gently grazed mine was the best feeling in the world. I can't even describe the feeling; all I knew was that it didn't feel like I was kissing my friend, but like I was kissing my soul mate. That sounds cheesy, but that doesn't make it any less true. After some loud cheering from the people that were surrounding us, I got snapped out of my thoughts because I had completely forgotten that we were playing spin the bottle. We both gently pulled away and a small blush appeared on both our cheeks.

That's when I guessed for the first time that San might harbor the same feelings towards me, because we've been sharing little kisses since then. Nothing big and it only happened when San and I would have a sleepover with just the two of us, but still I thought it was amazing. It was that moment that I became sure of the fact that we were meant to be together. I was still so young, almost fourteen, but I already knew that we were going to grow old together. I could see a future for us. Unfortunately Santana didn't know that yet when she was fourteen, and it took a lot of time to get to that point where we both were convinced that we're destined to be together.

I can still recall asking Santana to be my girlfriend when I had just turned sixteen years old. She was coming over to my house for another sleepover and I was incredibly nervous. My parents were out of town, which meant that Santana and I had the place to ourselves. For the first time in my life I cooked dinner, in the hope that she would like it, and she did. I remember that Santana kept on saying how delicious it was and that no one had ever done something that sweet just for her.

Even though I had almost burned the kitchen down, and the food kind of got burned, she still loved it. San started rewarding me for cooking dinner, by kissing me in a very intimate and passionate way. I took that as my cue to ask her to be my girlfriend and it broke my heart when she simply said 'no'. She freaked out and told me that we couldn't and shouldn't be together because we're two girls, and it's wrong to be gay. I was devastated that she felt that being together with me would be wrong. She ran out, because obviously she didn't expect that I was going to ask her to be more than just best friends.

One hour later, after she had had some time to think, she came back to my house. Santana kept on apologizing for letting me down and freaking out like that, but I understood. It was a big step and San wasn't ready to label our relationship.

But even though we didn't label our relationship that night, it still was one of the best nights of my life. Because after we had both stopped crying and apologizing, we decided to continue our slumber party and watch a movie together. And like always, we cuddled the entire time and occasionally we would give each other some little kisses. But that night, neither of us saw the end of the movie because our little kisses had turned into one big make-out session. It was like Santana was trying to show me how she felt about me without saying anything she wasn't ready for. Because that night was the first night that we did more than just some kissing. We had sex, no not sex; we made love for the first time. That's basically how we became friends with benefits, because San never mentioned my request about becoming my girlfriend again. So I gave her some time, not a label.

Santana POV

Currently Brittany and I are hanging out at my house in my room, like almost every night. But this time it is different, I feel like there's this weird tension between the two of us. I don't know what's going on but Britt is being kind of distant. I mean, we're watching her favorite movie and she's laying in my arms, but she hasn't given me one kiss or simply looked at me since the movie began. It's the first time I actually am going to see the end of 'The Notebook', because normally we would have been making out by now. I just hope that she isn't pissed off because I still haven't apologized to Q after our heated discussion yesterday.

The movie's almost over and I can't help but get a little bit nervous. The fact that she's being so distant is kind of scaring me, I just hope that everything's alright. I really don't feel in the mood to get into a fight with Brittany tonight, especially not over some silly discussion that I had with Q.

Lately Brittany and I have been getting into little discussions more frequently, mostly about coming out to our parents and friends. So maybe that's the reason that she's acting so weird tonight because her guard is up, because she's also tired of having these little arguments.

Every time we're together, Brittany keeps on bringing up how lovely it would be if we would just come out and it always leads to a discussion. So maybe she's trying to avoid that topic, by being more distant. Before I can keep on thinking about this weird tension between Brittany and me, she snaps me out of my thoughts by a gentle kiss on my lips. She mutters, "Hey babe, the movie's over and you're still staring at the screen."

Before I say anything, I pull her into a kiss which she tries to deepen. So I guess that's a good sign. I mumble against her lips, "Sorry Britt, I was just thinking about some stuff."

She turns around, so that she's practically lying on top of me in the couch, with her face only a few inches away from mine. "What kind of stuff, San?"

"I was just wondering why you're being so distant tonight?"

I see her eyes getting filled with tears, and I have got no idea what the hell I did to trigger that. The way she's looking at me right now, it's a look that I haven't seen before. She looks so fragile and heartbroken. It's like all of a sudden, there isn't any more light in her bright blue eyes. I pull her into a hug and try calming her down, "Shh, Shh, it's going to be okay, Britt-Britt. Whatever it is, it's going to be okay. I'm right here. I got you."

She pulls back from the embrace and looks me straight in the eye. She sniffs, "What if it isn't going to be okay, San?"

"What do you mean, Britt? What's going on? This isn't making any sense to me right now."

She stutters, "I, I, I can't do this anymore." She takes a deep breath and tears start rolling down her cheeks, before she continues, "Every day is struggle, and I'm done fighting. We need to set each other free again, because all of the hiding and the fake boyfriends are hurting me too damn much. I'm so sorry San, but I think that the only thing that could help both of us is if we break up."

What do call the moment when your whole world comes falling down? The moment that the person that you have loved since you first met, tells you that love isn't enough? I feel like somebody has just sucked all of the air out of my lungs, because I feel like it's impossible to breath. There are no words to describe the amount of pain that I'm feeling right now. It's like a part of me is dying, and I can't do anything to make it stop.

The tears start rolling down my cheeks, even though I'm trying so hard to fight them. I need them to stop, I need to be strong but there is nothing I can do to make them stop falling. Some foolish attempts at wiping them away, are only making me feel weaker.

"San, please just say something. Please," she pleads.

I start shaking my head, because I'm incapable of forming any words at the moment. It's like somebody is trying to strangle me and my throat has completely run dry. She tries to steady my head with her hands, but I pull away abruptly. I grab the pillow and bury my head in it, and I scream. I scream like I've never screamed before. It was a scream filled with so much pain, and so much heartache. But no matter how hard I scream, the pain isn't going to stop. It'll never stop because I love her so damn much.

By now, I'm crying so hard that sobs are racking my body. I feel like I'm going to be sick, like physically sick. I'm gasping for air and feel the need to hurl. Honestly, I never thought I could be in so much emotional pain, that it would have an effect on my body. But shit, this is so damn hard. I have built my whole world around her and I can't lose her. I just can't.

Brittany was my first love, and I can only hope that she will be my last. In the past, I used to resist falling in love with her. I tried so hard to fall in love with some boy, anyone but Brittany. However, I found out that you can't choose who you fall in love with because I fell madly in love with her. I tried so hard to fight that every single day and now that I have finally accepted the fact that we belong together, she's breaking up with me. That's so damn unfair! I need her more than air, so how could I possibly survive without her.

Finally after long minutes of pure crying and weeping, I speak up for the first time and plead, "Please, Britt, don't do this. Please, I need us, what we have is real. Please, don't kill what we have, not after all what we've been through to get here. Please. Please."

When I look at her, I notice that her eyes are red and puffy from all the crying, just like mine. I just don't understand how Brittany can do this, if apparently this is hurting her just as much as it's hurting me. She sobs, "I'm so sorry San, just know that you'll always be my first love and I don't know what the future will bring, but I want you to be my last. But for now, this is a goodbye, because I can't keep on hiding like this anymore. Sometimes love just isn't enough."

She stands up from the couch, and I quickly grab her wrist and whisper, "Don't go, Brittany. Please."

Brittany leans closer and gives me one last kiss before she mutters against my lips, "Goodbye, San. I love you."

As I watch her leave, I crumble down on the couch and the only thing I can mumble is, "I love you too."

Now that she has left, it feels like I'm going to pass out from all the pain. All I can hope is that I will feel numb soon, because I can't stand this kind of pain. I just can't.

I need Brittany; I need her just like I need oxygen. Without her I don't even know how to function, or how to love. How can I love if she isn't there anymore?! Shit, please make this nightmare stop! Because I can't take it anymore and it's making me fall apart.

A/N: Thoughts?

And just in case you didn't know, I hate hurting Santana just as much as you guys do, but this was a critical move to make the pezberry endgame happen. It'll get better, but just know, that San and Rach will have a tough road ahead of them before they're ready to be in a relationship together. Just hang in there, and I'll to provide you some more pezberry interaction.

Also a special thanks to Doodle91xxx and Laurenknight13 for the long reviews, they really meant a lot to me. Thank you.