Chapter 10

Irvine actually felt good. For the first time in a week, he had finally gotten a full night's sleep. His body felt rested and ready to move as he gradually woke up. Shiva had not appeared once in his dreams, and even now he could barely feel her in the back of his mind. More important, he felt lighter. His tearful confession to Zell last night had eased the stress on his mind and body. As he stretched, Irvine noticed that Zell had stayed and fallen asleep as well. His shorter friend was pressed up against the wall, leaving a decent gap between them. The sniper had never felt more grateful to another person in his entire life.

Who would have guessed that Zell would wind up comforting him one day? He always thought that Zell was the kind of person who spoke without thinking and let his fists do the talking. The blonde had never been able to stay still, even as a child. But last night the normally hyperactive martial artist had stayed quiet during his story and held him through the emotional storm that followed. Irvine had no idea that those powerful arms were capable of such gentleness.

"You're gonna make some girl really happy if you could just relax," Irvine chuckled fondly as he carefully disentangled himself from the blankets and headed for the shower.

The warm spray of water felt heavenly as it wiped away the remnants of sweat, tears, and Grat fluids from the previous night. Irvine couldn't help but smile and hum a little as he scrubbed himself. Things finally seemed to be looking up. Zell knew the truth and had his back, he had slept through the night, the sun was shining outside, and Shiva had not made an appearance.

"Good morning, my Irvine."

"Fuck."

"If that is what you really want, I would be happy to arrange it."

"No thanks Shiva. I'm good right now," Irvine grumbled as he rinsed off.

"You certainly are good this morning. Your body has been far too tense lately," Shiva purred within his mind, making Irvine's body tremble. "I think that I could make you feel even better right now."

Irvine felt her caress before he could protest. Unwelcome desire flooded his body as he felt those invisible hands between his legs. He gasped at the sensation, bracing himself against the tiled wall as his knees began to shake. Her ministration continued as Irvine gradually slid down until he was crouched on the floor of the bathtub. He bit into a knuckle as a moan built up in his throat. He had to be careful and not make a sound. Zell was sleeping in the next room and would definitely barge in if he heard anything. He could not let his friend see him like this.

But Shiva's desire only grew at the thought of being caught and she amplified the sensation. Small whimpers escaped his mouth, despite his efforts to stop them, and tears prickled in the corners of his eyes. Irvine had never felt more helpless. No. This is wrong. I can't let him hear it. I can't let Zell come in here. He can't see this. I can't let him see this.

"There is no need to stay silent, my Irvine. Let him hear. Let him come in and see you naked and writhing."

As if on cue, he heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Irvine? You alright in there?" Zell called from the other side.

The sniper's blood went cold. He could not let Zell come in. Could not let him know what Shiva was doing. It was bad enough that he had dragged his friend into this mess. He could not imagine letting Zell see exactly what Shiva was doing to his body. His friend's mind, while hardened by battle, was still far too innocent to see the sniper naked, hard, and writhing.

"It's ok. I'm fine," he answered back through gritted teeth, hissing as he felt himself coming closer to the edge.

"You don't sound fine," Zell answered back.

"Indeed you do not. You sound as though you wish to come," Shiva's voice sounded deeper and more commanding as she increased her ministrations, and Irvine could feel the ageless power behind her words. "Go ahead and tell him. He will not be the first man to see you in the throes of passion. Let him come and see you as I do."

"No!" he whimpered. "Not Zell. He can't. He can't see this."

"What is she doing to you, Irvine?"

The pleasure in his mind and body was too much. Irvine could not stifle his pained groan as he tumbled over the edge. Embarrassed and ashamed, he curled into a fetal position and leaned against the wall as the warm water went cold.

"You brought this upon yourself, my Irvine," Shiva chided more seriously than usual. "You know that you cannot fight me. And you have never been embarrassed about being caught by another man before. As I recall, the results have always been pleasurable."

"Shut up," Irvine whimpered weakly as the cold water made his teeth begin to chatter. "Just shut up and leave me alone."

"Irvine! Tell me what's going on now before I break the door down."

The sniper immediately began to panic. "No," he whimpered. "Don't come in here. Please don't come in."

"Like hell!" Zell growled before the bathroom door was kicked open.

Irvine caught the shock and concern in his eyes and quickly turned his head away. He could only imagine what was going through Zell's mind as he took in the sight before him; Irvine Kinneas, the calm and suave cowboy, curled up and shivering in the bathtub. The water had begun to wash away the signs of his release as silent tears ran down his face. He expected the blonde to say something or simply walk away. He had not, however, expected Zell to move forward and silently turn off the showerhead before throwing a towel around his body.

Zell sat back on his heels next to the tub. "Did she do this?" he asked quietly.

Irvine could only nod as he held back a sob.

Zell watched him silently. Irvine could not force himself to meet the blonde's gaze, too embarrassed at what had just happened. After a few moments, Zell stood and headed back into the bedroom. As he reached the doorway, he paused and threw a concerned glance over his shoulder.

"When you're ready, get dressed and we'll talk."

***

It had taken a while for Irvine to calm down after Zell left the bathroom. He had stayed in the same spot, pulling the towel tighter around his body to warm himself up. Once the tears dried up and the cold water was rubbed away, he finally pulled himself out of the tub and reached for the clothing he had brought along. He took his time drying his hair. The stroke of the brush against his long mane was soothing and helped him refocus his thoughts. Thankfully, Shiva had remained quiet.

As Irvine stepped through the doorway, he caught site of Zell sitting on his desk chair across from the bed. The martial artist was bent over, elbows balanced on his knees and chin propped against his hands. A look of total concentration was on Zell's face, a far cry from his usual manic grin. The complete seriousness emanating from his friend made Irvine a little nervous and he almost wished he had stayed in the bathroom. Still, Zell had said that they were going to talk and Irvine knew there was no getting out of it.

"Feeling better?" Zell asked flatly, not looking up from his musings.

"A little, I guess," the sharpshooter sighed as he took a seat on the bed.

Zell glanced up. "I've been thinking..."

Irvine raised an eyebrow in question as Zell looked up fully, the serious expression replaced with one of confusion.

"Can't you just, you know, unjunction her?"

A snort left Irvine's mouth as he flopped back on the covers. "You think I haven't tried? I've been trying to get her out of my head since this whole thing started getting out of hand. But I can't. I don't know if it's 'cause of our new bond or something, but I can't seem to unjunction her."

The martial artist frowned thoughtfully for a moment before responding. "But what about someone else? Maybe I could pull her out and junction her to me. We traded GFs all the time when we first started and it didn't cause any problems."

"No way!" Irvine snapped immediately, sitting up to face the blonde. "I don't want to be responsible for screwing up your memories more than they already have been."

Although that's not the only reason I want to keep Shiva as far away from Zell as possible, he thought to himself. I can't let that horny GF run amok in his innocent mind. She'd give him mental scars like there's no tomorrow. But damn if I'm gonna tell Zell that.

"Trading GFs causes the most memory damage," he said with narrowed eyes. "Shiva told me herself that switching from person to person puts a lot of stress on the GFs. The mind views these junctions as some kind of invader and certain parts shut down in order to protect itself. The only time junctions don't hurt the mind is when the GF willingly gives up its power, like when we faced wild ones like Bahamut."

"So the memory loss only comes from GFs transferred from one person to another without its consent," Zell mused. "But most of our GFs came from human transfers. I got Alexander from Edea and he's been with me ever since. So does that mean he's making me lose my memories even though we're really compatible?"

"It's not his fault though. It's our body's reaction that's causing the problem."

"Kinda like when we get a cold or something. The body's fighting off germs by trapping them, which gives us a runny nose."

Irvine wrinkled his nose. "Something like that, but not as descriptive. Anyway, the damage is reversible if a physical bond can be established between a person and their GF. Shiva and I got that bond through sex."

"So, the rest of us would also need to create physical bonds with our GFs to stop the memory loss," Zell suddenly paled. "Does that mean I have to have sex with Alexander too? I can't do that! He's huge and armored and a guy! I'd get torn to pieces!"

The cowboy couldn't help but chuckle a little. "From what I've seen, Alexander comes across as a pretty noble GF. When you compare him to Shiva, showing off all that skin, that armored titan of yours is a total prude. And Shiva did say that sex was one of many options. Maybe the other GFs have their own ways of making bonds."

"But the rest of us can't do that cause the GF's exist in an alternate dimension, like you were saying," Zell slumped back in his seat. "You and Shiva only got together because of a freak accident."

Irvine groaned. "Yeah, and we both know how well that turned out."

Zell winced sympathetically. "It's a little funny though. A couple weeks ago, you'd be thrilled about having a hot girl giving you so much attention."

"This is completely different," Irvine's shoulders slumped, his voice downcast. "It's not exactly enjoyable when you have no choice."

"It's not right!" Zell growled suddenly. One fist connected with an open palm. "GFs are supposed to do what we tell them. But this one's breaking all of the rules and screwing with your head."

Irvine shook his head at the statement. "They don't have to do anything, Zell. We might use them as tools in battle, but they're still living beings. I get the feeling that they've chosen to help people like us. They're certainly powerful enough to kick our asses if they wanted."

"But Shiva's practically raping you!" the martial artist leapt to his feet. "She might not be here physically, but she's torturing you! We have to find a way to stop her."

"You think I don't know that," Irvine muttered dejectedly. "I know what she's doing to me, but I can't figure out how to stop it. Every time I come up with a possible solution, it fails miserably. Let's face it; I'm out of my league here. Shiva's holding all the cards."

Zell's fury seemed to deflate as he watched Irvine. Sighing, he flopped back into the chair and gave Irvine a concerned look. Irvine averted his eyes. The last thing he needed right now was the blonde's pity.

"Irvine?" Zell asked quietly, trying to catch his friend's gaze. "I know you're overwhelmed, but you can't give up. We've faced tougher enemies and survived. If we work together, I know we'll figure this out."

Irvine could feel himself choking up at those words. They sounded so reassuring, but he was too afraid to hope. He can't understand, no matter how much he tries. He doesn't know how it feels when she takes over; how wrong it feels when my mind wants it to stop and my body craves more. He doesn't hear her voice or feel just how powerful she is when she acts. But he keeps trying to make me feel better. I don't deserve his sympathy, not after what's happened.

Tears prickled the corners of his violet eyes for the second time that morning. "I don't get you, Zell. I've done so many stupid things, made so many stupid mistakes, but you still think that I'm worth helping."

"Of course you are," Zell's voice wavered. "Yeah you've done some stupid stuff lately, but you're still my friend. And I won't abandon my friends when they need me. And..." Zell paused and looked away, a slight blush dusting his cheeks. "And because no one should be forced to do anything they don't want to."

Irvine caught the slight tremor in his friend's voice. Was there a double meaning in those words? "Zell...am I forcing you to find you a girlfriend? I've been trying to help you loosen up and get comfortable around the ladies, but are you really ok with it?"

Zell's head snapped up. "What? That's not it. You're not forcing me to do anything. I want to have someone special. You're methods are pretty frustrating, but I need the help. You know how clueless I am. Although..."

"Although?"

"I don't really know if I stand a chance with any of the girls anymore."

The light blush deepened in color, staining the martial artists' cheeks a bright crimson. Irvine might have found Zell's sheepish expression cute if he wasn't so emotionally battered at the moment. Zell coughed and muttered something unintelligible.

"What was that?"

The blush deepened even more. "It's just...I kinda understand now, you know...why all the girls flock to you."

Irvine shot him a confused look and gestured for the blonde to expand his theory.

"Well...you're...um...when you were in the tub I...I kinda saw and...not that I meant to look, but it was right there and...you're really well...endowed."

Irvine stared blankly at the blushing martial artist for a moment, his mind trying to process what Zell had just said. Had Zell really just made a statement about his penis? Was Zell actually being self-conscious because he thought Irvine was bigger? After such a serious conversation, that ridiculous statement had come out of nowhere and completely blindsided him. Irvine could not stop himself as he suddenly burst out laughing.

"Oh Zelly," he gasped for breath, seeing the indignant pout on his friend's face. "You seriously think that's a problem? You can't be that much different."

Zell just blushed and turned away, grumbling under his breath. Irvine thought he heard something about "size shouldn't matter."

"Well if you're that worried, Zelly-boy," Irvine could barely get the words out as he continued to laugh. "You could always take it out and we can compare."

"Oh for the love of-"

A hand whipped out and knocked Irvine in the chest. It was barely a tap by Zell's standards, but it knocked Irvine on his back. He barely felt the stab of heat at the point of impact as he continued laughing hysterically. His face reddened and tears started to gather in his eyes as he continued to laugh, even while Zell tried to smother him with a pillow.

"You are such an ass!" Zell declared as he let go of the pillow. His face was completely crimson.

Irvine gasped for air as he tried to calm down his laughter. A huge grin was plastered on his face. Zell took note of his friend and sighed, a resigned smile crossing his own lips.

"Still, it's good to see you happy."

Irvine's grin softened into a more sincere smile. "Thanks to you. After everything that's happened, I guess I needed a good dick joke."

The martial artist ran a hand through his hair sheepishly. "Yeah, yeah. I'm glad I could give you a good laugh at my expense. I need to get going anyway. It's getting pretty late and I've got a lot to do. Try not to get seduced by anymore GF's while I'm gone, ok?"

Irvine chuckled and waved as the blonde closed the door behind him. He laid back with a sigh, feeling content and relaxed again. I'm definitely gonna find a girl for him, he thought. It's the least I can do after all the help he gave me. Too bad he's too nervous to ask anyone out. Unless...

"Unless I ask someone out for him," he said out loud.

"That will never work," Shiva suddenly piped up.

"I wasn't asking you," Irvine growled. The good feeling was gone again. "Don't think I'm gonna forgive you after what you pulled today. And anyway, I know what I'm doing, ok? So just shut up and let me help him."

It felt like Shiva was going to comment, but Irvine did not hear anymore. Taking her silent acquiescence as a good sign, he headed for the door. He had work to do.