What does she mean by that?
Delphine might not know Cosima for long, but she was well aware that nothing good could follow that smile. Or something incredibly good! Wait… Non… Étudiant… Ne peut pas…
But the seed has been planted, her lips still feeling the pressure of the smaller woman's, her hips missing the touch, her core set on fire… With unsure steps she went for her water, big swallows, as if that way she could put out the fire inside her, threatening to consume her.
She sat, closed her eyes, making sure that her breathing would return to normal and her body temperature dropped to acceptable levels. It was for the best, no matter how right it felt, Delphine knew that it was for the best; last thing she needed was to get herself into trouble over a student, as much captivating as that student was, it was not worth turn her life upside down. This job was a huge career improvement, she could not throw it all away over Cosima, specially now with this project coming up.
Merde… Hand to her face… Cosima never gave a definitive answer whether she would join the research or not. Or at least Delphine hoped not, because her student seemed pretty determined in her rejection. Dr. Leekie was not going to be happy; he seemed as interested in having Cosima on board, as much as Cosima was resoluted to be away from it. In fact, it was not the project that the brunette wanted to be away from, but Dr. Leekie himself.
When the professor started to explain what the investigation was about, the young woman seemed quite interested; her eyes opened with fascination and her hands wouldn't stop moving. Delphine really thought that, when they were discussing the details, Cosima had made her mind in joining them, that she managed to convince the young woman. But… Dr. Leekie was really the only thing that stood between Cosima and the project.
There has to be a way to overcome that barrier. But did Delphine even wanted her student to be involved in the project, that would mean that they would spend more time together. And even if they would not be alone, there was not a class full of students to aid Delphine's concentration staying focus in what she should be doing, other than cataloging all the brunette's movements. Every time they were alone the Frenchwoman felt so drawn to her, the need to get closer so strong that her body unconsciously invaded the small woman's personal space.
But Delphine could not be that selfish, a project of this dimension, with the financial support that it had… It could set new grounds, make careers. Even if it fails in its primary ambition, it will always be there to prove a contrary. It was not only Dr. Leekie's name that would stand; all involved would find that their mark in the field would be permanent. And for people as young as Delphine and Cosima it could be the beginning of a brilliant career, one that would start with a big project.
Looking at her watch Delphine realized that it was time to go home, so she collected her things and left. Walked to the parking lot and drove home. She entered her house, feeling more and more like it was her home. Even though her conversation earlier with her mother made her feel homesick, the routine of work was doing its job. Her mother insisted on Delphine making briefly a visit to Nice. Her sister would soon be a mother again and, once that happen, her own mother wanted to get all the family together. She tried to explain that she couldn't just fly across an ocean every time she felt like it, but the older woman would not listen.
The reminder of her mother, whoever, gave Delphine a boost of energy and she decided to cook her own dinner. So she put a pot on with some water and fabricated a pasta with her mother's special sauce. As she ate, Delphine could almost feel the warm sun of her southern French hometown on her face, with the constant sounds of waves breaking through open windows, like in her childhood's home.
The next morning as she drove to work a biter-sweat feeling took over her; she would not be teaching Cosima's class today, but that also meant that she would not see Cosima until Monday. It was going to be long weekend. It's for the best, a mantra that Delphine had to keep reminding herself.
She made her way to the professors' lounge for the customary coffee and gave the good mornings to her co-workers. Delphine was about to go to her office, to get ready for the lecture she would give today, when Dr. Leekie walked into the room. How am I going to tell him that Cosima is still resisting?
"Good morning, everyone!" He said, with a serious face. His eyes laid on Delphine for a brief moment; they still hadn't spoken since the car incident. "I'm here to inform that I'll be out of the country until next Wednesday. I'm going to Berlin, to meet a fellow scientist that will help us out with the investigation that we are about to initiate.
"If there is anything that you might have to talk to me about while I'm gone, you have my contacts." He started to take his leave, but stopped near Delphine, that was still close to the door, placing his hand on her lower back, he said to her in a low voice. "I expect that, when I return, Ms. Niehaus would have made up her mind and decided to join us."
A cold shiver went down her spine, as she moved away escaping his grasp. She could feel stares on her. As soon as she thought that she was safe to leave, not to cross paths with her boss, she did. An uneasiness growing inside her; if only she could see Cosima today, even from afar, just to settle her mind at ease. It was weird that those big brown eyes, behind the quirky glasses, were able to cause such turbulence in her and calm her at the same time.
At lunch she was in her office, as usual, going over her afternoon class, when she heard a soft knock on her door. Her heart jolted, thinking it was Cosima. "Yes?"
It was Roberts, one of the other professors. "Hm… I'm sorry to disturb you, but tomorrow… Saturday… We are going out for dinner, to celebrate surviving the first week… And we were wondering if you would want to join us."
"Really? Who's we?"
"Just some of the professors of the department, you know." He cleared his voice. "We thought that it would be nice to know each other a little bit better, since we will be sharing a coffee machine for nine months."
Delphine smiled, she was not used to be part of other people's plans, used to be left out. It was her own doing, but this once she decided not do that to herself anymore, she deserved some good times. She wanted them, especially after a week like this. "Of course, count me in. Where is it going to be?"
"Just some little Italian near campus, maybe some drinks after… We'll see how the night goes." After looking at his watch, he started to leave. "I'll e-mail you the info."
"Ok, then… See you later." New country, new habits.
The rest of the day passed slowly. Every time she got a glance of a small woman she stopped and looked closer, but it was never the brunette with dreads.
By the end of the day, when Delphine was driving home an awful feeling took over her: what if she had shut Cosima off? What if Cosima changed her mind and decided to stop… Stop what? Why was she so upset? Wasn't this what she wanted? To be left alone, not to have any other kind of relation with her student other than exactly that one…?
The Frenchwoman was so confused, but that dreadful feeling never left her all Friday and Saturday wasn't any better. The brunette's face, her sly smile kept hunting her. By now Delphine had replayed in her mind their kiss more times than she was willing to admit. At first it was unintentional; when she noticed there it was. But later she found herself looking for that memory, wishing she could relive that feeling, taste again Cosima's soft tongue, have the pressure on her hips reapplied. She was going to drive herself mad, she could not miss someone that much just because she spent a couple of days without seeing her.
She started to get ready for her night out with her colleagues, maybe that was what she needed, a distraction. Being alone in her home with nothing but Cosima in her mind could not be healthy.
She met the party group at the restaurant. It was a small place, with the décor reminding Sardinian colors. She ordered the fish, wanting a light meal, but the white wine and the good talk draw her to the heaviest desert on the list. Oh, well…
The conversation was light and she found out that most of her co-workers were as excited as she was with the new job. Most of them had little experience teaching, just out of college, some still finishing their PhD's. But they were all motivated, and originated from Ivy League Universities. This was certainly an interesting group. Delphine was satisfied that she decided to break her own rules and socialize. I should have done it more often…
"Ok, who's up for drinks?" It was Alison, one of the most animated in the group, already well on her way to drunkenness. "There's this place, not far… Good booze and nice music… Let's shake our bones…"
Delphine was not really into the dancing situation, but the idea of going home alone with her thoughts terrified her, so she followed. The place was half full, still a little early for the big crowd. They found a table and ordered a round of drinks, continuing the talk. She was really having a good time until someone, probably Alison, suggested they "hit the dance floor".
"Hm… No thanks, I don't dance…" Delphine waved her hand. "But go right ahead, go shake those bones…"
Some of the group got up and, with grins in their faces, left as Delphine follow them with her eyes. "You are different from what I thought."
"Huh?…" Delphine looked to her side, Roberts was looking at her, she could smell alcohol in his breath. "What do you mean?" She tried to sound at ease.
"I don't know…" He tilted his head. "I just thought that you would be somehow distant, you know… Snobbish… Maybe it's because you're French…"
Delphine laugh. "Well… Je peux être un snob si vous voulez." She looked at the dance floor looking for the rest of the party. But it was someone else that caught her eyes; a woman with dreads, a black dress clung to her fit body, swirling at the sound of the music, constantly readjusting her glasses that stubbornly keep moving out of their resting place on her nose.
"Yes, I have no idea what you just said, but I guarantee you that you'll make plenty of friends if you keep saying that." He rested his back in the chair.
"Yeah, I doubt that." Her eyes not leaving the other woman, as she kept dancing, her movements playful, not really worrying if she looked silly. She was with the young man that she sat next to in her class and some other people, all of them dancing and smiling, sharing jokes. It seems that Cosima was also out with some friends. An urge took over Delphine. "C'mon Roberts, let's go dance."
"What?" He took his eyes of his glass and looked at her, with a curiosity. "I thought you said you didn't dance."
"I don't." She grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor. "But we should have fun and looking at others it's not fun."
"Hum… Yeah ok…" They joined the rest of their colleagues and were received with smiles. In the dim light Delphine allowed herself to turn swift glances at Cosima; she watched as a young woman with red hair approached her student and started to talk in her ear, Cosima smiled and turned to her and did the same, never stop moving. Something inside Delphine hurt, she was not sure what.
After talking for a while the brunette went to the counter and motion to the bartender her order; two fingers on the air. "I'm going to get another drink!" Delphine said to Roberts, who was making a fool of himself next to her. He gave her thumbs up. What am I doing? I should stay away from her, not running in her direction. But it was too late, she was already standing next to her student.
As she stopped the big brown eyes turned her way. "Wow, if isn't Dr. Cormier?" That sly smile appearing in her lips. "I thought that you would spent your Saturday nights reading Scientific America."
"Yes, I usually do." She found herself moving closer to Cosima; she lied to herself thinking that was the result of the loud music. "But once in a blue moon I make an exception."
The drinks the young woman order were set on the counter and she paid for them. "So, do you want to dance?"
Delphine's heart skipped a beat. "Cosima… You know…"
"Oh, that's right… We can't…" Her hands hitting her head, as if reminding herself.
"Hum… Yeah… Besides, you seem to have company…" Delphine discreetly pointed her finger to the red-haired woman.
Cosima looked in the direction of the dance floor, where a pair of eyes were looking at her. She leaned even closer to Delphine. "Well… If you had said yes, there's no other company I would want to have…" For a moment the Frenchwoman thought that Cosima would kiss her, but she left to meet her friends and deliver the drink to the intended person.
Delphine could feel the heat in her face, her heart beating at an impossible rate. What was she doing? Why did Cosima felt so inevitable to her? It was not like her to make the first move, to initiate the contact. Yet, in her office a longing took over her, something so strange to Delphine, that she could not put a name to it.
She moved back to table where she was sitting earlier, most of the group was already there as well. "Oh, so… No more shaking bones?"
"We are getting to old for shaking bones…" One of the professors said. "Academic life takes its toll in our stamina."
"Hey… Where's your drink?" Roberts asked as she sat.
"I decided that I have had enough for the night."
"Yeah, at least you know when to stop. Alison on the other hand…" He motion to his peer, which was half asleep in his shoulder.
"Oh my… Is she alright?"
"Yeah, noting that some z's won't heal." The conversation kept on, Delphine tried to stay focus in it, but now and then her eyes looked for Cosima, which was still talking with the same woman. After some time Delphine grabbed her purse. "Are you leaving already?"
"No, just going for a smoke outside." And walked out the door. The cold air hit her like a sharp knife, still she light a cigarette, leaning against the wall and puff away. The door opened and a small figure exited, lighting herself a cigarette; or Delphine thought, at least until the smell of it reached her. The cold wind must have putted out the other person's joint, because the lighter went on again and it let Delphine realized that it was a familiar face in front of the fire.
"Do you know how many neurons are you killing right now?"
The other woman turned and faced her. "It's ok, I've got plenty to spare." She got closer. "That thing you have it's a lot worse than this, true poison."
"Yes, but mine's not illegal."
"You should break the rules sometimes." The smaller woman took one last drag before throw the butt away. "I know you have it in you."
"Really? How do you figure that?" Cosima was so close, she could feel the heat that rose from her body, a deep contrast with the night's cold air.
"You came to me inside, at the counter." She grabbed Delphine's smoke and threw it on the floor, never touching the Frenchwoman's hand. "You were the one that kissed me the other day." Cosima placed her arms on the wall where the blonde was still leaning, but would not touch her. "As I recall, you said we should stay away. I did as you asked, but it seems you are the one that can't keep your end of the deal."
"Cosima… We should go inside… Really." She should move, go inside, where there were other people, where she could create distance, where there was something to look at other than these eyes that didn't leave hers or this mouth that she needed so much. Involuntarily she bit her lower lip.
"We should get out of here, yes…" Her lips approached Delphine's, nothing but a light touch, barely a scraping, yet it was enough to send electric shocks all over Delphine's body. "Let's go… Let's get out of here."
Before she knew she was guiding Cosima to her car and driving home with the other woman. The ride was tense and quite, Cosima was looking out the window, this was probably the most serious she has seen her.
As soon as they entered Delphine's apartment the bags and coats were thrown to the floor and their bodies collide, lips meeting each other first with a deliberately skill, but then more sloppily as desire took over them. Cosima broke the kiss. "I want to do this right." A rough voice. "Where's the bedroom?"
Delphine held her hand and moved her quickly through the house, opening the door to her bedroom. Once there she pulled Cosima to her, impatience leading her kisses. She was grabbing the brunette's back, holding her so close, she wanted to melt into her.
Cosima had to create some distance again, in order to catch her breath. She held Delphine's hands in her own. Starting to softly creating trails with her lips up the blonde's neck until she reached her ear. "We should really take our time." A whisper that sent shivers down Delphine's spine. She felt a tongue along her jawline until it reached her mouth where she received it with her own.
Delphine's hips started to move on their own, looking for a place to nest. It was not long before she felt Cosima's hands leaving hers and set on her hips, an anticipated pressure where her sides meet her thighs. The younger woman pulled her in and, when the blonde thought that she would feel Cosima's hips against hers, she was surprised by a thigh rubbing against the most alerted part of her body. She hissed, receiving nips to the side of her neck, a tongue licked her pulse, which was beating so rapidly that she could feel it; her heart was going to break out of her chest. She tighten her grasp on the back of Cosima's neck with her left hand, while the right one found a resting place on the smaller woman's hip.
Their bodies dancing at the sound of a music that only they could hear. Cosima moved her hands inside Delphine's shirt, looking for the hot skin, setting more ablaze her inner fire. The brunette felt the stomach muscles tense under her touch as she started to take the offensive garment, her hands never losing contact with the other woman's skin. Delphine allowed her to remove the shirt.
Once it was gone, Cosima's mouth started to travel south, she could sense the hesitation in Delphine's touch and shallow breaths. She looked up, meeting the Frenchwoman's eyes. "We don't have to do this, if you don't want to."
"No, that's not it." That's definitely not it. "It's just that… I never done this… you know… with a woman…"
"Really?" She restarted to relentlessly move her lips on the other woman's, softly brushing them, until it found her ear. "Well, I promise to make it something memorable." A little nip at the Frenchwoman's earlobe, another movement of her thigh pressuring Delphine's center were rewarded with a low moan and nails scratching on the back of the neck.
Cosima looked for her professor's eyes as her hands descended to Delphine's pants' button, a question in her face, almost pleading. Of course, how can I deny you? After biting her lip she pulled the smaller woman for a deep kiss. Felling the button release and the zipper slowly open, followed by hands taking a firm grip on her ass, while Cosima's thigh kept moving against her rocking center.
It didn't take long for Delphine to be on her underwear and being gently pushed to the bed. The brunette followed her, as she watched the tip of Cosima's tongue tracing her own lips slowly, her eyes now more black than brown. As she adjusted herself on top of the blonde, she removed her glasses deliberately, placing them in the nightstand on top of some books. With one leg in each side of the older woman, she was standing on her knees, starting to take off her dress, Delphine sat up and moved Cosima's hands out of the way, as she started to remove, herself the dress, feeling all the bare curves as she took it off through the tangle of dreads.
They were drawn to an embrace, their torsos next to each other, like one, kissing methodically, taking their time, as if getting to know all smallest shapes of their lips. A pleasant pain rising in the deepest places of Delphine; her hips meting Cosima's that by now were shaking against hers, moving gently.
Cosima pushed her back, making her back meet the mattress, but the younger woman maintained her position, gazing at Delphine, a fascinated look in her eyes, as hands traced patterns along her upper body, creating goosebumps wherever they passed. It was only then that she realized the tattoo on her student's right wrist. "Mathematical mystery." She heard herself say, under her heavy breath.
"Hum?" Cosima's eyes left her body and moved her hand to see. "Yeah, I'm a nerd like that…" She chuckled and leaned over her, placing her mouth on Delphine's shoulder her hands starting to pull the bra straps, than unhooking it when Delphine arched her back to make room for her arms, while doing the same.
The brunette found her right nipple with her mouth, licking it, while her thumb worked on her left breast. Delphine felt like falling, losing control of her hips, the light pressure of Cosima's no longer enough. She pushed the smaller woman up, for a deep kiss, her tongue moving impatiently, starting to feel a hand under her underwear she widened her legs, allowing more room for exploring fingers.
Cosima traced her inside with her index, Delphine felt against her mouth the deep breath that the other woman inhaled when feeling the wetness. Her hips jerking against the blonde, who felt her last piece of clothing being removed as a mouth spread kisses down her chest, into her stomach and finally resting on her inner thigh. The Frenchwoman could feel the warm breathing there, right there.
"Merde… Cosima…" She was going to lose it; Cosima had to hold her hips tougher to keep them from rocking. The brunette looked up, a cocky smile on her lips as she moved up, her fingers remaining on her inner thigh.
"I don't think that's an acceptable word, Dr. Cormier!" Delphine took her mouth on her own, kissing away that smile. Cosima's fingers moved to her core and, after a few strokes, they found their way into Delphine, who immediately curved her back looking for that delicious pressure, her hands steadily place on the other woman's back. She wanted to feel all of Cosima.
The younger woman's fingers moved in and out, skillfully. Soon, they found their rhythm that kept increasing, faster. Every time Cosima curled her fingers inside Delphine, a low moan escaped the Frenchwoman's mouth. It was not until the palm of the hand found her clit that Delphine lost control of the sounds that came out of her. "Là… Cosima, ne t'arrête pas…" Nails carving Cosima's back.
Cosima's fingers worked persistently, driving Delphine closer to the edge, only to bring her back up, never really giving the release the other woman begged for. Her teeth lightly sinking in the soft skin of the blonde's neck. When Delphine finally came, her voice was raw, Cosima's name on repeat, between words that not even she understood.