Alex POV

Wow, it's taken this long for any feeling to return to my legs. A girl could get used to this. And the view isn't half bad either.

"Can I ask a personal question?"

"Certainly, only if I can ask one of you in return."

"Deal," now that I think about this question it seems ridiculous, "Why do you sleep in a bed and not a coffin?"

Sweet! Way to go dumb-shit.

"This is more comfortable. Plus this space itself is light tight and is easier to share with humans. Cost was never a factor; this option also makes me appear more…normal."

Normal, like that's what you worry about, "All right. Just wondered…your turn."

He looks almost uneasy. I know that's what I'm feeling from him. Is that even possible from someone so self-assured?

"How did your mother die?"

"Cut to the chase, huh?"

"It's painful for you; I can see it written on your face. Why after so long do you mourn her still?"

"Well, the weird thing about it all is we still don't know the how. I still have no earthly idea. They…the police, never found her body."

He slides an arm underneath me and wraps his other arm around my waist. His fingers trace small circles along my spine. I'm glad he's holding me together.

"I just never talk about it. It's a dark corner…"

"If you are to love someone, you must take the light and dark corners. Alex, let me be a light in your darkest corners…"

I wonder where that came from but I gather my strength to speak, knowing that my voice isn't much above a whisper, "All I can remember of it was the night it happened. She was on edge. I could feel it. Even when she tucked me in, it seemed like she was worried. She told me good night and to take care of myself. She was scared of something…but I couldn't tell what…"

He listens unblinking, absorbing every detail. At least vampires are good listeners, when they want to be.

"Next, I remember waking up in the middle of the night. I thought I was dreaming because my mom was standing in my room, all shimmering, and all she said was that she would always love me and to not be sad. Then she told me to close me eyes and sleep."

"That was no dream."

"No….when I woke up the next morning, the police where in the house. They were all in the study downstairs. My dad stopped me before I went in there. He sat me on his lap and told me that something bad happened to my mom. That she was gone."

I bury my head into his chest; I can hear the tears falling on the sheets. It hurts to breathe.

"It was surreal. I couldn't stop myself from hearing everything then. I could hear the police officers thoughts, about a knife. How there was no body. If my dad had killed her…"

"Did he?"

I should be pissed off but I'm really not, "No way. He loved her, no matter what a fucking jerk he his…actually I'm not too sure. But if someone had stabbed her, shouldn't there have been blood everywhere? There wasn't anything anywhere…it looked like it should…And wouldn't a drained body be heavy?"

"Yes, on both accounts."

"She was so loved by everyone. No one would want to hurt to her," Nothing human anyways.

He wipes the tears from my eyes; like that would stop them, "I've found over the course of my long life that there are a great many things that occur for reasons beyond your control," he sits up cradling me against him, "How long did you and your father live there after she was gone?"

"A couple of years, but I got really sick one summer and the doctors up there couldn't figure out what was wrong. Dad found one here in Louisiana that seemed to know something. She was super weird and looked like a hobbit, but I got better after I started seeing her. So who gives a shit what she looked like…God, what was her name…doesn't matter."

The silence returns and I enjoy the feeling of resting against his silent chest. This is the only time I can get total peace. Eric is my escape from the garish world into pure and simple happiness….God, what am I now? A Hallmark card…

"I'm sorry if my question upset you Alex. It's obvious it still pains you."

"Everyone loses someone in time. You've been alive a long time. Surely you've lost people you've loved."

"Indeed I have."

Feeling sadness unlike I've never felt, knowing it's his. It makes my chest hurt, "Who….this is unbearable…"

Our eyes meet; he says nothing. Only one tear escapes his eyes. The red streak staining the otherwise perfect surface of his face, "When."

I kiss the streak and clean it always with my tongue, "Well, who hurt the most?"

He looks so far away from me now, "I was still human. I lost my wife and youngest child. Medicine wasn't as advanced; if it were today they probably would have survived."

"What was she like, your wife?" Not a weird question…I mean, if your new boyfriend was once married you would ask too.

"She was older than I; she was my eldest brother's wife. When he was killed in battle and since they had no living children, it was my duty to marry her and keep our families united."

"God, I'm glad people stopped doing that."

"I'm sure you are, woman."

I playfully punch his arm, like I could actually hurt him, "Hell yeah I am. We are not property. So what did she…"

"Her name was Aude."

"How did Aude feel about being passed to the next brother? I know how I would feel about it."

"She was glad, as was I. She wasn't a silly girl; prone to whims. She knew she wanted to have children and I was glad to provide them for her."

I laugh, "I bet you were…how old were you when you married her?"

"Sixteen and she was in her later twenties. She taught me a great deal and I…learned to love her, in time."

"I guess love wasn't all that important then, right?"

"It was important to have someone who could bear you children and raise them. Of course you would care for them, as the man should."

I lay my head against him, "No men raising kids. You had other shit to do, more important than being a father…"

"We had the everyday tasks, yes. However, you're referring to the raiding…it was a source of wealth for us. We did our children right by being away."

"It appears that some fathers still practice that mentality. Even when there's no fucking need for it."

He wraps his arms around me and strokes my hair, "Alex, I'm sure he means well. He has to provide for you. A business will not run itself."

"I know that. I'm not an idiot but…it would have been nice to have my dad to chase the monsters from under my bed or listen to my meaningless day. I mean, I did have Evelyn to do all that stuff and I love her for it, but that isn't her place….that's what parents are for."

"Whenever I would return home, my daughter would make me her captive. She would always plead with me not to leave again. Of course, I couldn't promise such a thing but I would always swear to do my best to return. For the weeks that would follow, she refused to sleep anywhere that wasn't near me."

I tried to imagine Eric with a small girl curled up on his lap. I bet she looked like him; blue eyes full of fire, light blonde hair and a killer attitude, "I bet she was a handful; I mean she was yours after all."

He smiles almost painfully, "She was extremely strong willed. Aude always would say that it would take a strong man to tame her."

Suddenly I wonder if my parents had the same conversations about me.

"I did my best to show her what she should expect from a mate, hoping that she would understand my absence. Our sons always seemed to understand and accepted it but she was…a challenge."

"Girls are never easy."

"True and it proved even more so after her mother was gone. It seemed to change her most. She worried that everyone she knew would leave her. Most night she would sleep in my bed and wake crying. It pained me more that I can ever say."

Explains that, "I still have dreams like that; where I keep trying to find my mom and I can never get to her. They were really bad when I was young. I know my dad used to dream about her too…I miss her, every single day."

"Understandable. Girls need their mothers."

"More than you can know….so, did you mourn her; cry for her?"

"Absolutely; I did love her. I missed her warm smile, her embrace; her body next to mine."

Romantic at heart; I guess that's nice to know, "So, then what…you said no men raising children…"

"I had to find someone new to marry. My sisters and my brother's wives helped with the children but it wasn't their burden. They had their own lives. There was a younger girl who I found interesting. I know she found me attractive; I was wealthy and thought to be a great fighter. Her family was hard working; and she was beautiful and kind."

"Well, how could she not have been? She was for you…when did you marry her?"

"Sadly, I did not. Before we could arrange it, a small group of invaders had started waging war to our…the north of our village. I had to go."

"Okay…so, what?"

"I remember kissing my children, telling them to mind; all in the early morning light…it was the last I would see of them and the sun. My human life was ended a few days after."

I kiss his chest over his still heart. I can feel his loss and sadness like it was mine; even more strongly than usual. Must be the blood, "And you couldn't drop in on them…watch them sleep…like ever?"

He runs his fingers over my face, "It was different then. We weren't in the open as we are now. It would have been dangerous to be discovered. In addition, there were far less people about; if someone from my human life saw me, they would have known I wasn't…"

"Right." Or alive, take your pick.

"Precisely. In time I stopped yearning to see them. It would have only been more painful for them to see me as I am. I knew that they would be cared for. As the time passed and the further away from home…them I was, it became…bearable."

"Still…you had to think about them. I couldn't imagine what that was like; being turned and having to survive…"

"I wouldn't want you to." His face was hard with resolve. Noted: talk about it later.

"All right…how old were you; when you…"

"I was approximately your age when I was made Vampire."

Hmm, twenty-three forever doesn't sound so bad, "And how old was the one that turned you?"

"He had already been Vampire for at least one thousand years. He…was twice the vampire that I could ever be."

"Was," that loss feels deeper; fresher, "Godric…?"

He says nothing; just a vacant, distant stare, "I pleaded with him…begged him not to go. I wanted to go with him but, he commanded me to leave him."

"Leave him where?"

"He was going to meet the sun on a rooftop in Dallas."

Vampire suicide, "He…chose to end his life. Why would he want to do that?"

"He said he had seen everything there was to see and what he observed is that nothing really changes in time. Everything is supposed to evolve; improve. However, that's not really a reason."

"Yeah, it's an observation. So, why didn't you just drag him off the roof? You're really strong…it's not like you couldn't…"

"He was my maker; I would have never been able to overpower him. Plus, he commanded me to go. I had no choice in the matter."

"Seriously, Eric Northman does as he is told?"

"The bond between a vampire and their maker is stronger than anything you can imagine. It links you together. They become your world; provide all you need to know, if they are any good at all. You will always know if they are near you and if they are lost; it can be difficult. I am still incomplete without him, but time will ease my loss."

"Sure, it usually does."

"So I've heard."

"Well, I know I didn't know him or anything…I'm sorry for you all the same. You shouldn't feel awful for grieving for him. You have every right to since he was your whole life…for…"

"For centuries, he was everything to me."

Maybe I can lighten the mood for him; maybe not. I snuggle closer to him, "You've been a vampire for over a thousand years…have you ever made one? I hope I'm saying that right."

"Yes, on both counts," his laugh rumbles in his still chest, "I was in this country at the start of this century. I was on my own and lonely. I had decided several years before that being a maker would satisfy my loneliness. I was always looking for the right one; ruthless, cunning and a love for life. Then, I saw her. She would be out in the night alone, which was unusual for the time. I followed her on several occasions; she was sneaking out of her parents home to meet with a young man."

"So, someone her parents obviously didn't approve of. Very nice, so, she clearly had your attention."

"Of course, she was extremely beautiful. She was obviously doing a fantastic job of fooling everyone else into believing her virtuosity. I caught her on a stormy night in mid-May and made her what she is."

"Where is she now…I'd love to meet her."

"You know her."

That explains so much, "Pam? She's your…your what…is there a word for it?"

"Progeny, in a more formal setting, but we've always called them child. Mostly because there isn't really an accurate description for them."

"She hates me you know," to be fair I was going to mention it sooner or later.

"She is wary of all humans, especially the women who throw themselves at me. It is her duty to watch for all potential distractions."

"And that's how she sees me? That I'm throwing myself at you….I'm distracting?"

"In more ways than one, Alex. I have many responsibilities outside of my business and I must keep my wits about me. However, after meeting you…there's just something about you; something I am willing to explore."

I pull myself to the edge of the bed and sit upright. I don't know whether I should be flattered or insulted, "Gee, Eric. That's mighty fucking gracious of you."

"I was genuine," he wraps his arms around my waist; his stomach now pressed against my back, "I have entrusted you with my most intimate secret. I have given you my blood. These are things most valuable to a vampire. Can you appreciate that?"

"Sure. I guess…if that means that I mean something to you, then sure."

The stillness in this room is almost unnerving. Even the faint sound of my own breathing; even my beating heart seem out of place in here.

He slowly runs his fingers along my ribs, "How do you feel?"

With my fingers mostly, "A little weird but really good all at the same time. Actually, I feel better than I have in a long time."

He gently kisses my shoulders as he pulls himself upright, "A consequence of the blood, but I would do it again and gladly."

I turn and face him, intertwining my fingers with his, "How close was I? I mean, I know I was…just tell me. And don't bullshit me either. I really want to know."

He gently squeezes my hands in his, "Moments. I had to decide if the damage was too great and you could be repaired or the outcome would have been…different."

I swallow hard and gather the strength for this, "I need you to promise me something. And I'm serious about this…it's not a joke."

"Anything you desire, Alex."

"Since is crystal fucking clear that something or someone out there wants me dead, if something really terrible happens to me and I'm…not repairable, I need you to turn me."

"Alex. Think of what you're asking me. You still have so…"

"Eric, just listen. Other than my dickhead dad, I have no family. I have no desire to have kids or anything. I already live my life mostly at night and have a liquid diet for the most part. And I'm not asking out of some ridiculous idea of you and me being together forever like some bad teenage novel, it's not about us. I'm a worthless human being."

"You, dear one, are far from worthless. Alex…"

"Search yourself. Do you believe that letting me die, erasing me from existence, would do me justice? Wouldn't the world suffer without me somehow?"

He at least looks like he's taking me seriously, "You mean what you say, I can tell. You are ruthless, clever, and extremely beautiful."

"Uh, you left out blood-thirsty I think."

He smiles, "Perhaps that, yes. Why would you ask this of me?"

"Well, if I'm going to be stuck with someone for all time I'd rather it be someone who knows what they're doing and that is really good at it. I wouldn't want to have someone like Bill as my maker…so, yes? No? Go fuck yourself you crazy bitch, what?"

He laughs, "You have the right mindset for a vampire, that's for certain," he pulls my hands to his lips and kisses them, "If we find ourselves in this situation, I swear to honor your wish. You have my word."

I know I'm smiling like a fucking lunatic, "Good. That's one less thing to worry about," I lay back down on my side, "Still daylight out? Or can you tell that without looking?"

"I can, and yes, it's still light," there's that evil grin, "how shall we pass the time?"

I return it as best I can, "Well, we could talk some more about meaningless shit or you could kiss me until my lips hurt?"

Guess what he chose.