A/N: Kay so I changed the amount of time in this chapter so if you see that it says "months" anywhere then just u know, tell me so i can fix it. But yah I kind of half hate half like this chapter :] date: september 29th

You're Kinda, Sorta, Basically, Pretty Much, Always On My Mind.

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I Do Not Own Inuyasha

10. The New Moon

I stared blankly at the yokai before me. It was large, quick, agile but also just another over sized bug. A spider yokai.. boring things they were.. they didn't have much to offer and they didn't put up much of a fight either. And yet.. here I was, picking a fight with something that found me uninteresting.

Nothing picked a fight with me anymore.. I always beat them to it. It was the only thing that kept me entertained.. although the joy of destroying something as weak as this had faded many days ago.

I didn't mind. I didn't care. I wasn't happy with my life before.. at least now I could handle this. My instincts now controlled my every move.. my every thought and emotion. I ate when hungry. Slept when tired. I killed when angry, and aggressive. I was free to do what I want.. when I want. Nobody to answer to. Nobody to ask for permission..

The yokai noticed me, and I lunged into an attack, killing the insect before it had realized I had stepped forward. Boring. There was no challenge.. no real fight. Just endless brutal murderers of stupid bug demons.

It had been about two weeks since that day. Two weeks of solitude.. two weeks of wondering..two weeks of painful lingering feelings. An invisible hole in my chest had appeared on the day I left, and it had me feeling pained and empty..

I found a hot spring, changed into my bathing suit and glided into the water. This is the life I had chosen. This was what I had given up everything else for.. but then.. why wasn't I happy?

"Kaori-sama! Kaori-sama!"

I slowly turned my head toward the voice coming from the rock beside me.

"Meoga-Jiji..." My voice sounded dull and lifeless even to me. I had been trying to keep him from noticing how much I was hurting for I knew he still went to see Inuy.. him. I didn't want to drag Meoga into my problems either. I for one value our friendship.

"Good evening, Kaori-sama," Meoga replied, sitting cross-legged on the rock. I washed my hair as I waited for him to speak, "Kaori-sama...I know that this doesn't concern me but.. I think you should go back."

I lifted my head from the water, and stared at him blankly. I wasn't quite sure what he meant.. most of the time I had been unaware that we were having a conversation until he said something strange like this and I wondered if that was one of those times.

"Go back where..?" I mumbled, confused.

"Go back home to Inuyasha-sa-"

I glowered at him, the heat almost reaching my face. He knew how I felt about this.. He was well aware that this topic was forbidden.

"I'm not going back," I said in a low monotone. I hadn't been fooling him, he had seen my pain, "What would I be proving if I did?"

"What are you proving now, not going back!"

His assertiveness shocked me. This was the cowardly flea that ran from everything and everyone dangerous wasn't it?

"It's sad to watch, Kaori-sama. You don't do anything."

"What! Would you like me to go attack villages and go on rampant and shout from the top of my lungs how stupid Inuyasha is!" I grimaced once the sting of the name hit. I had been careful not to speak or think that name.. but it was hard.

"No!" he replied, "But your just not happy anymore."

"I'm am happy, see, hahahaha."

"Well haven't you thought about how this affected Inuyash-"

I growled and got out of the hot spring quickly throwing my kimono over my wet bathing suit, "You know...one thing I've found out about being a hanyo is that, no one understands what you're going for anymore.."

He didn't understand. I couldn't go back. I've done the worst thing someone could do. I've already hurt everyone that I had cared for.. I didn't have to courage to face them anymore.

°°•. .•°ღ°•. .•°°

"Ugh.. Why did we have to travel this.. way..?" Shippo groaned leaning over the side of the boat.

"Shut up!" Inuyasha snapped, "Don't you think it's strange for a yokai to be getting sea-sick!"

"Oh yeah well.. Don't you think it's strange for Kaori to leave on the same day that you went to get he-"

Inuyasha punched Shippo on the head and jumped to the front of the boat, his back to them. Kaede sighed and gazed at the depressed hanyo, "I think ye went a bit to far with that one, Shippo.."

"Sorry, Inuyasha," Shippo said timidly, but Inuyasha didn't answer. Shippo groaned and leaned father off the boat, his stomach turning with every wave.

Kaede had forced Inuyasha to take her with her, but only for the trip. She had claimed that she needed to go to a neighbouring village for someone had called for her to save her sickly daughter. This story was true but it wasn't the reason why she had wanted to join them. She knew her sister well and she knew the places she would go. Kaede wouldn't try and bring her sister back if they found her.. but she at least wanted to talk, so she could understand the reason why she had left.

Inuyasha hadn't told them the situation, so Meoga had informed them. But there was only so much a bystander could tell, so most of the story had been left out.

But she did know, even though that he wouldn't admit it, Inuyasha was depressed for the young girl had left because of him. They didn't know what he had done, but they knew by Inuyasha's mood that it had hurt Kaori very much.

"Kaede-sama! Shippo!" Meoga landed silently on the miko's shoulder gasping for air.

"What is it Meoga?" Shippo asked groggily lifting his head slightly. Meoga looked at the son of his lord and then back to the two curious people. Inuyasha would be upset if he heard that Meoga knew where Kaori resided, and would demand to let him know.. But.. the young girl wasn't ready for reconciliation.

But it was lucky for him that someone had mentioned Kaori before he came, for Inuyasha was staring up at the sky unseeing and deaf, like he usually did when the girl was talked about.

"All I will say is that she is close by.. I would tell you more if it wasn't for Inuyasha-sama being so close.. in case he might hear."

A few moments later Kaede was dropped off at the village, with a promise that they'd come to get her tomorrow. Kaede sighed as she watched them jump back onto the boat. She missed her sister.. and she knew everyone else did as well.

°°•. .•°ღ°•. .•°°

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S GONE!"

"I MEANT WHAT I SAID, FLEA BAG!"

"Excuse me.. that's quite offensive to us fleas.."

"SHUT UP MEOGA-JIIJI!"

"I can't believe I still hang around with you people!"

"Don't worry Meoga.. I think he means he's sorry."

"NO I DON'T!"

Inuyasha, and Koga stood on the dirt road growling at each other. Koga had just recently found out that Kaori had disappeared, and obviously he was extremely irritated, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET HER LEAVE! AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN GO LOOKING FOR HER!"

"I THOUGHT SHE'S GO RUNNING OFF TO YOU!" Inuyasha shouted, "WHICH IS OBVIOUS THAT SHE DIDN'T! SO WHY DON'T YOU GO LOOK FOR HER AND ASK HER WHY THE HELL SHE LEFT!"

Koga scowled at the man who had let his girl get away, then ran off into the forest. He would find her first, he vowed. He'd find her and get her back, she was hurting he knew it and he'd be the one to comfort her.

Inuyasha watched him go, and stared at his hands in disgust. He hadn't been looking for her.. He hadn't tried to make her change her mind.. he had just let her go. He had been taking her for granted, thinking that no matter what she'd suck it up and continue like nothing was wrong like she usually did. He'd never thought he'd push her until she'd break.

He had never meant to make her cry every time she did. But he still had always yelled at her, used words that he knew would hurt her the most. He didn't know why he did it.. but he did, and now she was gone because of it.

A shrill scream shattered the silence and Inuyasha looked up. A girl was running from a yokai up the road. His heart lurched at the similarities to this human girl to the human Kaori.

This girl had dark brown hair.. tied back into a pony-tail and her eyes were wide and scared. She looked like Kaori from afar.. but it wasn't her. The eyes weren't green and Kaori wasn't human anymore. The girl tripped and the yokai rose to attack her.. but then it froze. It looked up toward Inuyasha, then disappeared into the surrounding trees.

"Are you alright?" Shippo shouted, running toward the girl.

"Yes.." she gasped, picking herself off the ground. She stared at Shippo for a moment and her eyes narrowed, "You're a yokai," she hissed. Shippo shrunk back frightened by her cold gaze.

"Don't worry.. we won't do any harm," Meoga said from Inuyasha shoulder. The girl stared at Inuyasha for a second, then growled and got to her feet.

"I hate things like yokai!" she snapped. She was defiantly not Kaori. The girl went to leave but hesitated and clenched her hands together, "But.. You did scare that spider-head away.. and master says I have to find someone to.." she glanced over her shoulder, scowling, "I need someone to help rid my home from yokai."

"Well forget about it!" Inuyasha shouted.

"Inuyasha-sama!" Meoga whispered furiously into his ear. "I know you don't want to be around civilization on this particular night but why don't you just kill the yokai before sundown and then you'll have a safe place to rest while your hu-"

"Fine!" Inuyasha snapped, turning back around. "But don't say another word about that!"

°°•. .•°ღ°•. .•°°

"Oshou-sama!" The girl called. They had reached a large shrine that was hidden from the world by large Sakura trees, "I've found some people to help rid the shrine from the spider-heads!"

A small, bald, old man walked up to them, wearing dark blue priest robes. "Well done Nazuna.. This man can help the girl I had found wandering the forest."

"You've found someone already?" The girl asked, slightly disappointed.

"Yes, I have. This girl had offered to help, but it seems as though she's having some kind of internal struggle. She'll stay here until she'd better," the monk said.

Suddenly the sweet scent of sakura, roses, honey, strawberries, and the ocean floated across the shrine. Inuyasha looked behind the old man and into he grounds of the shrine, and suppressed a gasp.

A girl walked across the grounds staring straight ahead, holding a wooden bucket in her hands full of crystal clear water. The wind blew her silky neon blue locks out behind her. And her two onyx dog ears pointed back from the cold rushing air. Her long black fluffy tail with a snowy tip fell limply behind her.

"Kaori!" Shippo shouted, jumping off Inuyasha's shoulder to run toward the girl. She stopped, and slowly turned her gaze on the boy. Shippo came to a halt at her feet and stared up at her rather confused. "Kaori?"

She looked up at Inuyasha, and then he realized why Shippo had been so confused. Her once wide sparkling aquamarine eyes, had become clouded, dull, full of sadness and the loneliness of a month's solitude. Her face was expressionless and cold, as she gazed toward him. She stared at him for a moment, blinked, then turned her head forward and resumed her pace.

"Kaori?" Shippo squeaked, watching her go.

"Don't take it to heart Shippo," Meoga said, jumping down from Inuyasha's shoulder, "She hasn't been herself since she's left.."

Inuyasha looked up at the emotionless shell of what used to be the care-free girl from his past.

"Kaori.."

°°•. .•°ღ°•. .•°°

I closed the door tightly behind me, and let out a silent scream. Why was he here! Now! Today! I could careless if he came here some other day! But why did it have to be today! I sat on the wooden floor and brought my knees to my chest. I didn't feel broken anymore.. as soon I had seen him.. the hole in my heart had disappeared.. It hadn't healed.. it was like it had never been there.

But.. I couldn't show it. I couldn't let them know I was happy to see him again. What would I be proving if I did?

"What are you proving now, not going back!"

Meoga just didn't understand. If I went back now.. then all that would have been for nothing. Those weeks of solitude and pain would have meant nothing.. If I went back.. then he wouldn't understand.. and things would go back to the way they were before. I had to get my point across first.. It hadn't been long enough..

"Nazuna.. Could you please go prepare dinner for our guests," The old monk's voice drifted through the wooden doors.

"But.. okay.." The girl's footsteps faded away. She was going to the kitchens.. on the opposite side of the shrine. I looked at the bucket of water at my feet. That was were I was headed but in my hurry to run away I had gone into my room. I had to go to the kitchens.. but.. I didn't want to go back out there.. I was too much of a coward.

I gazed across my room. The window! I could just run across the rooftop and avoid them altogether!It's strange as to how I could say that so easily, like it was nothing to run across slanted roofs.. if I had been human then doing that would be out of the question...But of course I wasn't human anymore.

I slowly opened the window and leaped to the roof. The icy wind rushed past, sending shivers down my spine. My hair whirled around my body violently as the wind tried to force me to the ground. When had it gotten so cold? I don't remember it being this cold earlier.

I turned my gaze to the kitchen roof, then to the sacred grounds below. Meoga was down there. He must have lead them here. I took a running start and leaped down to them. I didn't stop. I held out my hand, "Meoga.." I said monotonously. Meoga was in my hand as soon as my feet touched the stone and I jumped up onto the kitchen roofs. It all had happened in half a second.

I leaped down through the kitchen door and placed the bucket off ice cold water on the floor by the fire place. The girl Nazuna looked at the water then back over into the black caldron full of chopped vegetables.

"Thank you, Kaori," she said. I could hear her dislike for me in the tone of her voice but thought nothing of it. It didn't matter whether she liked me or not. She was a emotional human that I didn't know and right now I didn't want to know.

I slowly reopened the sliding doors and peeked outside. Empty. I sighed in relief and stumbled out to the sacred grounds. I lifted my hand to look at Meoga, and growled. He was trembling in fear.. he knew he'd done something terribly wrong.

"Why.. H-hello Kaori-sama..?" he stuttered. I closed my hand into a fist and he gasped.

"Why is he here!" I hissed. Meoga swallowed nervously and tiny beads of sweat appeared on his forehead.

"I.. I didn't lead him here, Kaori-sama.. That human girl did.. He came on his own.. I believe your scent was on her clothes.. you were the one to wash them weren't you?"

"Yes but that doesn't matter. I'm being used as a slave right now but at least I have somewhere to stay, but now since he's here I can't relax! Why didn't you lead him in another direction!" I growled.

"He wouldn't listen to me-!"

"Oh don't give me that! You know you could have said I was on the other side of the world and he'd probably go there!" I snapped. I dropped him to the floor and walked away, upset with his lack of consideration toward my feelings.

"But.. Kaori-sama," Meoga squeaked. "It seems since Inuyasha-sama's arrival you've been expression your emotions. Which means you are becoming more like yourself again. If he hadn't arrived then you would still be-"

"Shut up Meoga.. You may be wise but you don't understand me."

°°•. .•°ღ°•. .•°°

I slowly walked down the dark wooden corridor. The sun would disappear from the sky in another few minutes, but the trees that surrounded the shrine made the grounds darker then it was supposed to be. The spider heads were lurking somewhere out there. Watching and waiting until my barrier would weaken so they could attack.

But my barrier would never weaken. There was no reason for it to. I was safe.. protected inside this emotionless shell. The large stone walls absorbed the words from other people and didn't let the meanings effect me. I would be safe.. we would be safe.. until something came to knock down those walls. And something had come to knock down these walls.. but I wouldn't let him in.

"Kaori.."

The voice startled me, and I froze. How long had he been following me? I slowly turned around and forced my gaze upon him. He was miserable.. his eyes told me so. He was suffering.. tormented by my very existence.. or was it because I was here?

I started to feel unconformable and guilty under his intense gaze. I was wrenched.. I had caused pain to the very person I had sworn not to. Why must I always go back on my promises? Why must I have to torture other people until I'm satisfied with their pain? Why must I be so selfish..?

We stood in silence.

"Dinner should be ready soon.." I said turning to walk away.

"Dinner's over," he replied. I stopped walking and stared at my feet. Of course I knew it was over.. I was just hoping he didn't know that. But then that was stupid wasn't it? He was the person who had dinner.. I had missed it because of him. Such a stupid thing to say.. I was supposed to be broken.. unemotional, cold, and graceful. But my fumble had proven I wasn't as broken anymore as I had hoped.

I turned back around to face him. I had no other excuse to get away. His ignorance had been my last hope.. but he remembered things better then I did.

"Right.." I said, staring at the grain in the wood behind him, "I.. forgot."

"No you didn't. You just wanted an excuse to get away," he replied.

My cheeks burned. Why was it so easy for him to see through my lies? Why did he have to know me so well that he can figure out everything I mean and want to say and I can't even read his emotions? Why was his abilities and powers always overpowering mine? Why couldn't I win just once..?

"W.. Why are you here?" I asked, trying to push myself back into the emotionless shell.

"Why are you here?" he answered.

"That's none of your business," I replied turning to walk away again. But something else made me freeze in my place. A few feet away.. crawling toward me.. spiders.. larger then the yokai I had killed earlier.. and with human heads..

My mouth went dry and my body turned to ice. They shouldn't be inside.. my barrier was still up.. I could feel it around the shrine. So then.. why were they inside? The only way for them to get inside was if.. they had been inside since the very beginning.

The monk was someone suspicious.. same with the human girl.. maybe this had been a trap. But if it was.. then why didn't he have realized it sooner? I was to stupid to realize anything.. I was too trusting.. but he was suspicious of everything and everyone so.. how come he didn't know!

"Shit! Kaori!" he pulled me behind him and pulled out Tetsusaiga. It didn't transform. "Damn it!"

Suddenly my feet remembered how to move. I jumped over the struggling hanyo, pulling out my own two katanas in the process. I crossed them until they made an X and blocked the attacks from the gigantic spiders. I wasn't sure how to fight these things. I didn't need to fight them.. not now. Something had changed Inuyasha that made the Tetsusiaga untransformable.. his scent also was somehow different.. more human then usual. I couldn't fight the spiders recklessly like I would have if it were any other time.. I.. I had to protect Inuyasha.

"Kaori-sama!" Meoga shouted from my shoulder.

"What the hell do you want! Can't you see I'm busy!" I snapped, jumping back as I threw back more spiders.

"We must get out of here!" Meoga cried.

"Don't you think I already know that!" I whipped around and grabbed Inuyasha's wrist. I ran down the hall pulling them along with me until I caught scent of Shippo in one of the rooms. I slammed open the doors and locked it behind me, creating a tiny barrier on the inside. Nazuna was also in the room, looking terrified in the far right corner.

I fell to my knees and stared at the ground, "There.." I panted, "That should be good enough for now.. although I'm not sure how.. long I can hold up two..barriers.. at the.. same time."

"Damn it.." Inuyasha hissed from the shadows behind me. I glanced up, and gasped at the change. He.. was human. No silver hair.. no dog ears.. no claws, fangs.. golden eyes.. All were gone. Replacing them was raven hair.. beautiful silver eyes.. and human ears..

"What are you staring at!" he snapped. I realized I had been gaping. I closed my mouth and pushed my back against the wall on the far side, so I wouldn't have to be close to him. What was wrong with him? Did he get a disease? Was he sick? WHAT the hell was going on!

"Kaori!" Shippo shouted jumping into my lap, "I've missed you soooooooo much! Why did you leave us!"

I patted his head, and turned my gaze to him, "Not now. I'll tell you later but right now we have a bigger problem on our hands."

"What is it.." he turned around and gasped, "Inuyasha! What happened to you? You're human!"

"Yeah, tell me something I don't know.." he muttered, glaring down at the kitsune.

"For Inuyasha-sama.. and other hanyo such as Kaori-sama," Meoga started leaping onto Inuyasha's shoulder. "There is a short period in which they lose the magical powers flowing through their blood in their bodies. Because that is when they are most vulnerable...hanyo's will never reveal that time to others. The time for Inuyasha is tonight.. on the first day of the month when the moon doesn't appear.. Kaori this will happen to you to, when that time will be revealed we don't know."

"Wait!" I gasped, " you mean I have to become human all over again? Eww.."

"Now's not the time to be pouting in the corner, stupid!" Inuyasha shouted, as I has lowered my gaze to the floor as I thought this over.

"Oh so what time is it?" I snapped, "Time for us to wait to die! Time to have a party! What! What time is it Inuyasha because I don't know! I don't even know why I stayed here after seeing you here! I should have just left!"

Pain and betrayal flashed over his face. Damn it! I'd done it again.. I'd taken out my anger on someone who didn't deserve it.. I opened my mouth to apologize but the sound of splintering wood stopped me.

The small room fell to pieces, and my small barrier was broken. Spider-heads crept towards us from all directions. Thick sticky webs fell from the trees above wrapping themselves around us. I kicked the webs and spiders away running across the room toward the human Inuyasha. Something cut into my flesh.

Something burned.. something warm and thick started to soak through my clothes as a evil yet familiar voice crackled in my ear.

"Stupid hanyo," it hissed, "So trusting. So easily manipulated. You didn't realize when you came that this temple was already infested with my brothers.. I let you make a barrier so you would think you were doing something right.. and proper. But you just helped along with the plan. To hold half the spider-heads inside to wait until the ones carrying the Shikon Shard to come.. then when they came.. I'd kill you off to break that barrier and let the full force of the spider-heads kill the travellers. But unfortunately it turned out you knew these travellers.. which made my job a bit harder. But since your friend here had lost his powers, things have turned to my advantage. Now that your barrier has been broken more of us shall appear shortly."

It was the monk's voice. That old.. suspicious monk. But he was right.. I was too trusting.. I was too stupid to have realized that I had been being tricked.. That.. that was why I would never make it on my own.. It was a surprise to me that I had managed to live on my own for two weeks.. but now it was all over..

The sharp thing pulled away from my body and I stumbled forward. It wasn't all over.. I had a injury like this when I was human and I lived.. I wouldn't die.. but the spiders would.. I'd win against these pathetic yokai.. then.. then maybe go back. I couldn't live on my own. Not.. anymore.

"Kaor-!" Inuyasha shouted. I looked up to see the spider-head monk, holding the black haired Inuyasha against the wall by his neck. The monks limbs and body had become a thick spider-web like thing. And we were all inside it.

"Kaori!" Shippo shouted running toward me.

"I.. It's okay Sh-shippo," I gasped, trying to ignore my pain, "I'm fine.. I've lived through worse remember?"

Inuyasha growled and I turned my gaze back to him, "So you're the bastard leading the spider-heads huh?"

"Heh Heh Heh," the monk chuckled, "I'd heard rumours of a hanyo who possessed the Shikon fragments. I've been waiting for you.."

"Keh!" Inuyasha scoffed, "Even without spiritual powers.. A dirty old geezer yokai like you.. I'll smash you apart using physical strength alone!" He ripped the hand that held him in place off him and sprinted toward the yokai.

"Pathetic fool!" The monk shouted, strands of web shooting from his mouth. The strands wrapped themselves around Inuyasha's human body, locking themselves in place.

"Inuyasha!" I shouted jumping to my feet, and slashing throw the webs with my claws. Shippo followed my lead and, used his fox fire, setting the webs on fire. The monk growled and swung one of his thick limbs sending Shippo into the wall, and pushing me to the hard ground.

"Kaori!" Inuyasha shouted. I struggled against the limb but even for a small fry yokai he was strong. Also.. I was injured. The monk pulled the strands around Inuyasha's neck tighter, choking him.

"Heh. Lets see how your pathetic human body will hold up against my poison!" The monk's head shot forward and sunk his snake like fangs into Inuyasha's neck. I growled and snapped the limb that held me to the floor. My pain seemed to have vanished. I pulled out my katanas and sliced through the webbing surrounding me and the smaller spider-heads that advanced toward Shippo and Nazuna. I had to make sure they were okay and safe before I deserted them for Inuyasha.

"Kaori! Inuyasha is..." Shippo shouted pointing to the sky. I looked up, almost having totally forgotten about him.. but also hoping that he has still okay. But as usual.. my judgement had been wrong. Inuyasha lay across one of the limbs, his body, legs and arms being held up by the silky strands of spider web. His silver eyes were open...but dull and lifeless.

My heart pounded in my chest as I assumed the worst. I jumped onto one of the limbs in the monks web like body, my vision slightly tinted by red hot anger. The monk chuckled and glanced proudly toward Inuyasha. "I had given him a full dose of my poison.. His body is slowly dissolving from the inside.."

A aggressive growled ripped from my throat and the monk chuckled again. "Want to become my bait as well!" Webs shot from his mouth but I sliced through them easily with my claws, sprinting toward the yokai monk.. I was full of demonic anger.. hatred.. aggressiveness.. he's killed hi-

"K.. Ka.. ori.. "

I stopped, and whirled around. My breath caught in my throat as I saw Inuyasha staring down weakly at me. I almost cried out in relief. He.. He was alive.

"I'm coming!" I called, the yokai monk being wiped from my mind. I leaped up until I was kneeling beside him, and pulled on the webbing around his body.

"Run.. Away.. " he whispered, staring past me. I felt my eyes watering slightly. He looked.. so.. weak.. so breakable.

"Stupid.." I answered, snapping a strand with my teeth, "Why.. Why would I do that!"

"Idiot.. Listen to me!" he replied panicky, still staring blankly past me.

"I know I'm an idiot! But I can do this okay! I'm stick of running! So shut up and let me-"

"Not that! Behind you..!" he shouted. I turned my head around and noticed the yokai monk's head inches from my ankle.. coming forward at a speedy pace. I jerked back, landing on top of Inuyasha. The web around his body broken and we were suddenly falling toward the floor.

"Hey.." he said, staring at me now, "We're falling."

"Don't inform me about the obvious!" I snapped. We hit the ground seconds later, landing with a loud thud.

"Kaori!" Nazuna shouted running toward us. She wasn't a suspect.. she didn't smell of the yokais.. I could trust her. She helped me pull Inuyasha into my room nearby, only closing the door, seconds before the yokais reached us. I created a barrier around the room, but it was weak. I was injured.. and tired.. I wouldn't be able to use my powers to the maximum.

"Kaori! Thrust Tetsusaiga into the door.. along with one of your katanas!" Meoga ordered. Seeing no logic or sense in this demand.. I did it. I didn't have time to question his demands.. not now.. not when Inuyasha maybe moments away from death.

I fell to my knees and crawled over to be beside him, "Inuyasha.. Are you okay?"

He didn't answer. His eyes were closed.. he looked like he was sleeping.. or even.. I held his hand in mine. His hands were ice cold. His breathing sounded forced and shallow.. his heart was beating weakly inside him. He was dying. Tears welled up in my eyes.

I had been so mean.. So wretched toward him.. and now he was.. he might.. die. I wouldn't even have a chance.. to apologize.. He would die thinking I hated him.. feeling betrayed.. I would have caused him more pain then my sister had. I was supposed to be the one to stay by him forever no matter what.. not matter what happened or how much it bothered him.. I was supposed to stay, to protect him from further heartbreaks and such.. But I had failed.. and now he was going to die.. and it was all my fault.

I felt the tears roll down my cheeks and I wiped them away with my other hand. I didn't want to break down now when demons were fighting to get in.. but I couldn't stop. I was too upset.. in too much pain to do anything else.. Crying was my only escape.. it was the only way for me to get out the emotions I had been bottling up, over the past month.. My sobs didn't cease..

"Why.. are you crying?"

At first I thought I was delusional.. my mind was playing tricks on me so I would feel better. I pulled my hands away from my eyes and looked down at him. Inuyasha stared up at me weakly.. He was.. alive.. My tears suddenly stopped flowing and I stared at him in shock.

"I had to suck out the poison, Kaori-sama. It was a rather strange treatment and he will be a bit light headed but it was the only way he would survive.." A ten times larger Meoga explained, rolling away. I turned my gaze back to Inuyasha. Stared at him for a minute. Then broke into tears again.

"W.. Why'd you have.. to g-go and.. and do that.. f-for!" I sobbed, "Why.. Why'd you have t-t-t-to c-come here! You.. i-idiot! Yo.. you knew that.. t-there was yokai.. but y-you.. st-still came.. Even though you.. w-were going to turn hu-h-human!" I was blubbering. But I couldn't stop. I was too upset.. too happy that he was alive.

"You're pathetic.." he mumbled, turning his head away from me.

"Why do you have to be such a jerk! I'm.. only.. worried.." I admitted, staring at my hands.

"So what..?" he replied, before closing his eyes again and falling back into unconsciousness. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. I deserved that.. Shippo was on my backpack, hugging his tail and sleeping. Meoga had rolled himself into a corner and was now dozing peacefully, and Nazuna was watching me from across the room.

I met her gaze, and she looked away embarrassed. I sighed and watched the human boy sleep, waiting until sunrise.

"I'm sorry.."

I looked up to see Nazuna kneeling down on the opposite side of Inuyasha, watching my face with pitiful brown eyes. "I'm sorry.. I was the one who lead him here.. It's my fault. I shouldn't have.."

"It's more my fault then yours," I replied, "If I had been more aware of my surroundings instead of worrying about running into him, then maybe this all wouldn't have happened. You didn't know that he would change, and I didn't know either but.. I should have realized the monk was a spider-head sooner.."

Her gaze lingered on Inuyasha, then she looked at me, "I'm also sorry about another thing.."

"What is it?" I mumbled.

"I'm sorry for acting so very rude to you guys.. It was only because the spider-heads killed my father last month.. since then I've been living here. And because my father was killed by yokai.. I came to think all yokai were like that.. But upon seeing you guys.. I can no longer say all yokai are bad.."

I tried to smile, but my attempts failed. "It's good that you changed your mind. But you shouldn't go thinking that all yokai are good. Most of them are ruthless killers.. that will stop at nothing for the Shikon no Tama. It would be rare to find a full yokai that can show compassion toward humans.. and even more so for hanyos.. what me and Inuyasha are.." I sighed, "I never really experienced it for myself.. because until a month ago my own soul had been compressed by a piece of my sister's.. making my body take the form of a human's. But Inuyasha has experienced it.. and.. it seems that nobody.. whether yokai nor human would be willing to show any form of acceptance toward us.."

"I'm sorry.." she mumbled. ,I didn't realize.."

"It's okay.. It's not your job to understand.. nobody expects you to." I replied. I felt my ears droop slightly as I realized the truth to my words. Nobody expected humans to care.. Inuyasha had never expected someone to sympathize.. Kikyo never expected someone to understand.. so then why must I always expect people to understand and to care? Why can't I.. just live my life.

She seemed to realize my discomfort with this topic for she pushed herself against the wall, brought her knees to her chest and fell asleep soon after. I had to bite my lip again to keep myself from breaking out into tears once more. I didn't know how I could have ever thought I would be able to make it on my own. I was too weak.. too emotionally weak to handle life.. I knew that.. But Inuyasha was right.. I was pathetic.. I was a pathetic excuse for a hanyo girl.. Maybe I didn't deserve this strength.. not if I couldn't even protect the people I care about.

The pain from my wound returned, and I tasted blood in my mouth. I stopped biting my lips and wiped away the blood. The pain would always return when I was alone and even thought there were others here.. everyone was in there own little world. I had to get my mind off the pain..

I laid down beside Inuyasha, and brushed away some of the raven hair in his face. I understood now, why he never wanted me to fight. If this was what I looked like, so fragile and breakable.. then I wouldn't let myself fight either. I kept jumping to conclusions and yelling at him when I didn't stop and try to understand where he was coming from.. like I used to.

When I was little it was easier for me to understand him.. I knew what he meant.. I always saw things from his point of view.. but now that ability had faded away.. Now it seemed I worried more about what he said about me more then what he actually meant. I don't know what happened to me.

I pulled my hand away but his hand suddenly shot up and pulled it back to his cheek, "Your hands are really warm.." he sighed.

I felt the heat rush to my cheeks, and I lifted my head off the floor to look at him. He wasn't as cold as earlier but.. he was still cold to the touch.. "I'm.. I'm sorry.. Did I wake you..?"

"No.." he replied, his eyes still closed, "I've been thinking this whole time.."

"About?" I whispered.

He paused, "I lied. I was just listening to your voice."

He let go of my hand, and turned toward me. I watched him nervously. Meoga had done a good job of removing the poison from his body but.. he was in no condition to be pushing himself to hard.. he should be resting. His lifted his hand to my hair and pulled the tie from its strands. My hair fell around me, getting in the way of my vision.

"Why.. did you do that?" I asked, brushing away the hair from my face.

"You looked better with your hair down.." he replied weakly. The heat in my face intensified, and I stared at him slightly surprised, not knowing what to say. What do you say to someone whose gone out of their mind? He was.. delusional.. crazy.. the blood loss made him drunk or something. He didn't realize what he was doing.. He.. he most defiantly wasn't seeing me.. "And you're even cuter when you blush.. Kaori."

I swallowed nervously and turned my back to him, "Obviously, I'm.. distracting you. Go to sleep. You need to rest, you're sick remember?" He was crazy! He didn't realize what he was saying.. He probably wont remember when he turns back to hanyo form.. and if he did then he'd probably regret what he said.. for he didn't mean it. I was.. the mental case remember? The stupid monkey girl! He was.. confused.. like he had been before.. he didn't realize I was that same Kaori that ran away last month.. the betrayer.

"I'm fine." he said, tugging on my hair.

I sat up abruptly and looked at him. "No you are not! You almost just.. You just almost.. You almost died, okay!"

"But I didn't die," he replied, "So I'm fine."

"You are not fine!" I shouted. Didn't we have this same argument before.. except it was me who had been insisting I was fine..and he was the one who was trying to convince me I wasn't.. "So go to sleep! Everyone else is sleeping-!"

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward him. I fell on my stomach beside him, my head on his chest, "Exactly.." he whispered, running his fingers through my hair, "So shut up.. or you'll wake everyone else up.."

My heart pounded inside me.. my breathing was quick and shaky.. my face was burning so much, I could even feel the heat in my ears. I knew he didn't mean anything he said.. and I knew I shouldn't have any effect on me.. but it did. I didn't understand what my problem was. I've known him since forever.. but even before.. his words never had an effect on me like it did now.. but then again.. he's never said such things to me either..

°°•. .•°ღ°•. .•°°

I don't remember when I feel asleep, but I woke up, hours later, to the sound of breaking wood. I jumped up, Inuyasha following, and stared at the door. Nazuna lay under a pile of debris the Tetsusaiga in one hand.. my katana in the other.

"She's drawn the swords and broken the kekkai!" Meoga gasped.

"Bu.. but why?" Shippo asked, staring at her weak figure on the floor.

The yokai monk chuckled from the door, the spider-heads slowly advancing inside my room. "Nazuna still believes in me, you see," he explained. "She was deceived so easily.. such a trusting girl.. like you are Kaori."

My eyes narrowed and I noticed something hanging from one of the strands of web in his mouth..

"The Shikon Shards!" Inuyasha shouted. I growled and yanked the swords from Nazuna's hands, but as I was about to toss the Tetsusaiga aside.. seeing as it's not mine, a heavy weight appearing in my hand I was sent crashing to the floor.

A huge shinny white fang sword was grasped in my hand, and I stared gaping at it.

"What the hell!" Inuyasha shouted, "Why did it transform for her!"

I struggled to my feet as he shouted, the sword making it extremely difficult to move, "This thing weights a million pounds! How the hell do you manage to lug it around like you do!"

"It does not weight a million pounds you stupid girl! But why did it transform!" he barked.

"How am I supposed to know!" I replied, dropping the stupid sword from my hand, "I can't even pick it up so shut up, and never mind!"

I sprinted toward the yokai monk, slashing through his feeble body, while listening to Meoga explanations behind me.

"The only reason why Tetsusaiga transforms for Kaori, is because she is a hanyo," Meoga explained, hastily, "It will change for any hanyo out there.. but as you, Inuyasha-sama, use that sword to protect Kaori, or someone other then yourself it is lightweight for that is easy for one such as you.. But for Kaori on the other hand it would be like her protecting herself.. which we all know is a heavy burden to bare.. she cannot hold up that responsibility of protecting herself and so she cannot hold up the sword.. It makes perfect sense."

I growled at him and he quickly threw an apology in my direction. Stupid jerk! Saying that protecting me is such a heavy burden to bare on everyone. It's not that hard! I've managed to stay alive for a whole month on my own! What's the big deal? Suddenly my feet hit something and I was crashing down to the floor. Oh yeah.. I'm accident-prone.

"Kaori!" Inuyasha shouted. At the tone of his voice, I knew I was moments away from being injured by something. I tried to get up but pain shot through my leg. I looked back to see my foot was stuck through a broken board in the floor.

I felt someone grab me and pull my feet from the wood. A second later I was being held on the other side of the room, the farthest away from the yokai. I glanced behind me. Inuyasha stood behind me glaring at the yokai. He was.. back to normal. Silver hair.. golden eyes.. doggie ears. I left out a breath that I seemed to be holding and turned toward the yokai.

It was easier now.. Easier then it had ever been before. It was easier to fight now that I could think straight. It was easier to live now that I knew I wouldn't be running away anymore. It was easier to be myself now that I had realized how much of an idiot I had been in the past.. but still it would be hard.. It would be harder because now.. I had his strange confessions permanently burned into my mind.. and now I wouldn't be able to forget it.