Periwinkle Year

{September}

"Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower."

-Albert Camus

Gray Fullbuster stepped off the edge of the train, sighing as he did so. He was coming back home, again. It had been the third mission he'd taken in the last three weeks, and surprisingly, he was growing tired of all the traveling. Usually it didn't bother him, but now he felt the strange need to come home… and stay home.

He hadn't spent any time with Juvia since that…rainy day. Turns out she had decided to take the mission that peaked her interest, but not with him. Gray had completely forgotten about it until she told him she was leaving with Gajeel. He did his best to hide his surprise but he was kind of expecting her to ask him to join her again, and honestly, he wasn't planning on saying no. But it was what it was, and after she'd told him how long the mission could take, he was left alone at the guild with nothing to do but burry himself in the infinite loop that were his thoughts.

After a few days of hanging out –okay more like waiting pathetically- at the guild, Gray had taken a mission by himself. He came back, Juvia was still gone, and he took another mission, then another. Now bright green leaves were turning orange and yellow and Gray had not seen Juvia Lockser in over three weeks.

As much as he hated to admit, Gray felt like something was different since that day, or rather that morning, in his apartment. First of all, Juvia had left so suddenly the following day with Gajeel, he couldn't help but wonder if a part of her was mad at him. Or maybe she had decided she was done dealing with his shit. He tried to ignore it, but Gray couldn't completely get rid of that fear in the pit of his stomach; the one telling him he had drove her away for good.

Honestly, he would understand if she left more than if she stayed, waiting for him to figure out whatever the hell he was supposed to figure out.

During those three weeks, and even during his missions, Gray had replayed that morning in this head, a thousand times. The rain raging outside his window. His frustration, and hers. The way her eyes looked at him so intensely, like no one ever had before, and the way her skin felt under his fingertips. Her lips, the redness of her cheeks, and the blue of her hair. The sound of her pants, and the sound of her moaning voice.

Gray felt his blood moving south and groaned interiorly. For fuck's sake. He really needed to stop thinking about that. Seriously, he never really paid any attention to details, much less to girls in general. How could he have become such a pathetic moron?

Gray has been walking until he realized he was back home, at his apartment. He unlocked the door and threw his small luggage on his bed. His eyes scanned the place until they landed on the wall; the one he had once pinned Juvia onto. The whole scene unfolded again like a movie playing in his head; her legs wrapped up around him, then straddling him, then-

Fuck. What was he, a fucking pervert? No way in hell.

I need a beer. Gray thought in frustration as he slammed the door of his place shut, stepping outside and heading straight for the guild.

. . . . .

"Hey, dude!" Gray heard Natsu greet him out of nowhere.

"Yo." He answered, not lifting his gaze from his dink.

"So, you heard Juvia and Gajeel are back, right?"

Gray frowned instantly and shot a look at his friend. "I didn't know. How did you?"

Natsu grinned as he shrugged. "Juvia wrote to Lucy to say they were coming back today, and Lucy told me. Apparently they wanted to be back for the festival this afternoon."

Gray didn't react for a moment, before a deep scowl found its way back to his face. "Ah." He took another sip of his beer and saw Natsu shifting awkwardly next to him.

"Listen, about Juvia-"

Gray immediately tensed and Natsu cut his sentence short, rolling his eyes. "Chill out, I'm not gonna ask any questions about the two of you." Gray relaxed a few muscles but kept his eyes on the big mug in his hand.

"I just wanted to tell you," Natsu continued, making Gray groan to himself. "If ever there is something changing between you guys, I think it would be pretty cool."

What? Gray blinked, surprised by his best friend's words. This wasn't what he was expecting at all. He turned his head to stare at his friend in disbelief. He frowned, though his expression had softened a little. "You do?" he asked, confused and suspicious at the same time.

Natsu grinned again. "Yeah! I mean we all knew it would happen eventually," he scoffed. "Plus, we could double date."

Gray squinted his eyes at the Dragon Slayer. "With you and..?"

Natsu rolled his eyes once more. "Lucy, of course."

The ice mage nearly choked on his drink and he thought his eyeballs might pop out of their sockets as he jumped on his seat.

"What?!" he couldn't help how loud his voice was. "You and Lucy are…together?!"

Natsu shrugged, biting into a sandwich he had just taken out of his jacket. "I guess you could say that."

"What the fuck, how did I not know this?" Gray asked out loud, incredulous. Natsu scoffed, then he turned to his friend, who was now frozen in place, mouth opened. "You didn't notice?"

Gray took a moment to come out of his stupor, then slowly closed his mouth. "No." he answered.

Natsu laughed loudly, shaking his head. "Ah, man, you're so blind to what's happening around you."

Gray frowned, picking up his beer once more. "Shut up."

"Anyway," Natsu started talking again. "After everything we've been through, it made me realize, we might not have as much time as we think we do." Gray turned to him, curious about his friend's change of voice. Natsu lifted his head to look straight at the ice mage. "If you want to be with her, just do it. Stop thinking about everything else."

Gray gritted his teeth silently, then turned to look at his hands on the counter. "I don't know what I want." He muttered in a groan.

Natsu snorted lightly, putting a hand on Gray's shoulder. "I think you do."

Gray felt Natsu pat his shoulder, and then he was gone, and Gray was left alone at the counter, frowning and mentally slapping himself as he finished his bear in one go.

Fuck.

. . . . .

"People of Fairy Tail and friends!" Everyone turned to look at Mirajane and Bisca on the stage, announcing the start of the festivities. "Today we welcome the beginning of autumn with this festival; mud fights, pumpkin and apple buffet, fall fashion show, circus games, country line-dancing, and more! Don't miss any booths and enjoy!"

Gray scowled deeply as some kind of country music started playing and people cheered loudly before scattering all around the site. He took a sip of his pumpkin-spice ale and cringed as it left a disgusting taste on his tongue. He never was a big fan of pumpkin.

"This blows," he muttered to the three friends around him. "What's so fun about pumpkin foods and country songs anyway? The only good thing about this is it means the weather's finally dropping a few degrees."

Lucy, dressed in a cowgirl outfit from head to toe, grimaced. "I swear Gray, why do you always have to be so negative? Just drop that scowl of yours for once in your life."

"He does have a point though," Erza stated, arms crossed and eyes closed. "Pumpkin and apples, seriously? Where are the strawberries?"

A beat of sweat dropped on Lucy's forehead. "Well then, I'm going to see the fall fashion show. Who's with me?"

"I'll join ya in just a moment, Luce." Natsu told the blondie, and this time, Gray didn't miss the way they looked at each other before Lucy smiled and left their little group.

"I'll walk around, maybe the mud fight will be interesting after all," Erza muttered before walking away too.

Natsu was about to follow Lucy, but then noticed something far away and nudged Gray. "Six o'clock." The pink-haired murmured under his breath.

Gray turned around slowly before noticing, far, far way from them, a smiling Juvia, casually talking to other people.

Gray swallowed with difficulty and felt a bundle of nervousness form in his stomach. It had been so long since he last saw her that she seemed completely out of reach right now. And the fact that he had been thinking about her –more like obsessed with her- so much these past few weeks didn't help settling down the racing of his pulse as his eyes landed on her.

Her. Indescribable, unique, Juvia.

He turned back around to tell Natsu he could shove a shovel up his ass, but the fire-mage was already gone.

Great.

Gray waited an hour before he met again with his friends, wanting to give Natsu and Lucy some time alone. He found them just in time to witness Natsu stuffing eleven apples in his mouth, a sight he would gladly un-see if he could. During that agonizing hour he had tried talking with different guild mates but was constantly distracted by the same thoughts: Had Juvia noticed him yet? Why hadn't she come to see him? Where was she right now? Those were straight up unbearable and frustrating to deal with, and he promised himself the next time he saw her he would just go and talk to her.

She was stepping away from a dart mini-game with Levy when he finally spotted her in the crowd. Taking a large sip of (disgusting) ale for courage, Gray approached the two girls before his mind had a chance to tell him 'Oh hell no'.

"Hey, Levy," he smiled at the short blunette. He then turned to the other one, the one that was making his hand moist right now. "Hey, Juvia. Do you mind if we talked for a while?"

Juvia smiled widely at him. "Of course not, Gray-sama." Levy smiled at her friend and pointed behind her. "No worries you two, I'll be with Gajeel if you need me!"

Gray absolutely despised how awkward this small conversation had been, if it even counted as a conversation. As the both of them walked to a quieter spot, Gray was wondering what words he should even start with.

Thankfully, she opened up the conversation. "It's been a while, Gray-sama."

He bit the inside of his cheek nervously. "Yeah, it has… How was your mission?"

Juvia seemed to hesitate for a moment, as if expecting a different question, before smiling slightly. "Good. It was longer than Juvia expected, but everything went well." Still, her gaze remained fixed on the ground.

"Right…" Gray wanted to slam his head against a wall hearing how awkward he was right now.

Get a grip, for fuck's sake.

It seemed to him like Juvia was uncomfortable herself, which was extremely rare of her to be, around him that is. She just seemed as if…she didn't know how to act right now.

Gray felt a huge weight pin him down in this very moment. He had caused this. He had stripped her of her confidence, of her natural happiness and carefree attitude. He had made her worry, made her doubt, made her feel worthless. Shit, he was such a fucking douchebag.

"Shit." He cursed out of the blue, making Juvia raise her head in surprise. He met her eyes. "Juvia I'm…I'm so sorry for…for everything, really. You probably feel like I'm fucking toying with you, I mean, just last time we saw each other, I yell at you for no fucking reason then jump on you? Seriously I- I know this looks really, really bad but I just wanted you to know, I didn't do it on purpose; I didn't plan any of it. I mean I would never, ever hurt you and I apologize so fucking hard if that's what ended up happening. Juvia I swear, I am not using you or anything like that, I just don't know how to-"

"Whoa, whoa," Juvia interrupted the spinning monologue, taking a step closer to face the ice mage. "Gray-sama, Juvia doesn't think badly of you, you know that right?"

"Well, maybe you should. I mean if you took the mission because you felt the need to get away from me-"

"Gray-sama." Juvia stopped him once more. "Juvia didn't leave to avoid you. I left because I felt like so much had happened so fast and I thought it would be better for the both of us to just…get some time to think, and breathe, without pressure."

Gray fell quiet as he registered her words in his head. For the first time in his life, he didn't feel relief from someone giving him space. No, instead he felt unexpectedly insecure.

Insecure about perhaps needing her more than he thought he did.

And insecure about her, perhaps not needing him as much as he thought she did.

"I…understand," He said simply.

Juvia smiled and moved her brows in the most subtle way, as if trying to figure out what was going through Gray's head. Funny enough, he was doing the same thing for her.

"How about you, Gray-sama? What did you do while Juvia was gone?"

So, back to a lighter conversation it was, huh. Honestly, with all the useless complicated crap he brought in with him, he couldn't blame her. He scratched the back of his head in an attempt to win some time to figure out what to say.

"Hmm…well I-"

"Everybody, gather up on the dance floor, it's time to swing it!"

A voice resonated from the microphone and cut Gray's sentence short. Then suddenly, Lucy and Cana were running towards Juvia, grabbing her hand and taking her away."

"Juvia come on! All the girls are dancing together!"

Gray watched as she got dragged away. With a helpless and adorable face she worded the word 'Sorry' before turning her back to him and giggling with her friends.

Gray gave her a small smile, though she probably didn't see it. He looked down at the cup of ale in his hands and sighed.

All those years of having her chase him around, he had been annoyed. All those years of finding her clingy and over-emotional, he had been trying to drive her away; to stop her from hoping that one day, he would oh-so romantically declare his undying love for her. So many years he had believed so hard that what he needed was for her to leave him alone.

Yet now, when she finally did, all he could feel was emptiness.

Emptiness everywhere.

"Gray, what's bothering you now?"

Gray turned around to find Erza Scarlet, weirdly walking towards him. The festival had only begun two hours ago, yet the smell of alcohol coming from her mouth could easily be detected.

"Are you drunk already?" he asked her with an unamused scoff.

"Pfft, as if I could let myself get drunk. I know my limits, Gray. I've only had a couple of drinks."

Gray rolled his eyes at his friend. He noticed a trash can a few meters away from him and threw his empty cup, only to see it hit the edge and rebound on the ground sadly.

Of course.

"You didn't answer my question," Erza started. "What's up with you?"

"I did it." He replied instantly.

"Did what?"

"Drove her away. Funny how it worked when I wanted it the least, though." Gray stopped talking and a few cheers and laughs were heard from the stage as the Macarena song came on.

"What do you mean you drove her away?" the Knight asked him.

"I mean that's it, she's done dealing with my shit. She left for almost a month, and now she comes back and barely even talks to me. Honestly, I can't blame her for being tired of putting up with me."

Erza stayed quiet, then Gray only heard an exasperated sigh before his arm was punched, hard.

"Ouch!" he yelled, his hand automatically going to cover his damaged limb.

"Gray Fullbuster, listen to me." Erza had that deadly serious look in her eyes that made him think she was actually going to kill him in cold-blooded murder. He swallowed before she continued. "It's time you actually realize something. First of all, what you just described about Juvia, leaving and barely talking to you, is what you always do to her, you jackass! Literally every time something happens between you two, you get scared and run away or ignore her like the plague. Second of all, she's not doing that because she wants to, she's doing it for you, to give you space, because that's what she thought you needed!"

Gray blinked several times before frowning slightly. "And how would you know that, huh?"

Erza rolled her eyes so hard Gray thought she might actually go blind. "One," she said putting one of her fingers up in his face. "Because it turns out I'm also a woman, and despite what you might think, I know how women think." She drew up a second finger. "Two, because she's been shooting you longing looks ever since she got her, you idiot." He heard her harsh voice soften a little.

Gray tried to hide the blood going to his cheeks, and he hoped he was successful. "I didn't notice that."

Erza sighed in frustration. "Of course not, you're oblivious to everything around you."

Gray crossed his arms over his chest as he looked away from Erza. "Or so I've been told," he answered grumpily. Although deep down, he couldn't help but notice a tiny feeling of hope sprouting in his gut. If what Erza said was true, then there was a chance that he hadn't ruin everything he had built with Juvia. A slim chance, but still a chance.

"You know you're really talkative when you're drunk." He told Erza a few moments later.

"Piss off. I'm not drunk," she replied, to which Gray smiled to himself.

. . . . .

"Alright, now that the sun is setting and everyone's gathered here, it's time for the special slow dance!" Some disgusted and disappointed noises came from a few people. "Grab a friend or a special someone and dance the night away!"

Seriously what's with all the dancing today?

As the slow, once again country song came on, Gray saw Bisca and Alzack making their way on the dance floor first. A few others joined soon after, but most stayed put or seemed too shy to make a move. Gray saw Lucy and Natsu pretending to look away from each other, both blushing and obviously embarrassed. Gray scoffed under his breath; Natsu wasn't any better than him at this.

Then on the other side of the dance floor, he noticed a certain someone with blue hair stepping away from the crowd and walking away.

He swallowed, felt his heart start to beat faster and a nervous sweat breaking on his forehead.

Three.

Two.

One.

Go.

Before he could think about it further, his feet moved across the dance floor and led him straight to Juvia, who was heading for a dark spot behind the some trees.

By the time he caught up with her she was already leaning against a tree, looking up at the sunset.

"Juvia."

He saw her flinch in the slightest at the sound of his voice pronouncing her name, as if she hadn't been expecting it. She turned around quickly and blinked away her surprise. "Gray-sama?" she murmured.

Gray stepped closer to her, and she watched him silently as he did so. He then raised his arm towards her until he was standing there, offering his hand to her.

"You want to…erm…dance?" God he hoped that didn't sound as lousy to her as it did to him.

Juvia parted her lips in surprise and nervously put a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked at the crowd of people a few meters away from them, then looked back at him. "People could see us from here, though."

"I know," Gray answered quickly. "But I was actually talking about dancing over there," he said with a movement of his head. "On the dance floor."

Juvia's cheeks instantly became pinker as she fluttered her black eyelashes repeatedly. Then he saw her lift her delicate, white hand and rest it in his, accepting his invitation.

They both walked until somehow, they were in the middle of the dance floor, amongst the other couples but very well aware of how exposed they were. Gray hated the fact that he could feel tens and tens of eyes set on them, but right now he knew he needed to zone them out.

And so that's what he did.

He suddenly felt anxiety set in as he realized he had no idea how to do this, but before panic took over Juvia smiled at him and gently took his hands in hers to place one on the small of her back, and the other one wrapped around her own hand. She then lifted her free hand until it was resting on his chest. They started moving slowly, very, very slowly, and the world finally seemed to stop spinning as Juvia lifted her gaze to look deeply into his eyes.

She wore a smile, a small one, but a sincere one nonetheless. Her hair cascaded all around her face like a waterfall and her pink cheeks made her skin look so soft it was almost tempting to touch it. But what made time stop was her eyes; her breathtaking almond-shaped eyes with shining blue irises partially hidden beneath those thick eyelashes of hers. And the way she was smiling and looking at him right now…was absolutely indescribable. Gray reminded himself to breathe as he wondered if she had always looked that beautiful.

After a while Juvia closed her eyes and he felt her shift her body closer to his, still holding the same position and still slowly moving her body along with his to the music.

In that moment, Gray thought about something he had been meaning to tell her. Something that had occupied his thoughts on a daily basis, ever since that morning they had spent in his apartment. Three words, three simple words.

Gray swallowed, felt his pulse beat faster in his veins, and took in a breath of courage as he moved his mouth over to Juvia's ear and whispered.

"I missed you."

He felt his cheeks warm up but thank god with the way they were positioned she couldn't see him, and he couldn't see her.

But that was fine. He didn't need to see her reaction, nor did he need an answer from her. All he had wanted was to say those words.

And he finally did.

And all he felt was a feeling of pure relief washing over him like a wave hitting the shore.

Before he knew it, the song was over and he felt Juvia's hand leave his shoulder. But instead of backing off, she put one hand at the base of his neck and brought her lips to his ear. "I missed you too, Gray-sama. Thank you for the dance."

The feeling of her soft skin on his neck and of her lips on his ear brought tingles all over his body and made him shiver in a way he couldn't explain. But before he could do or say anything, Juvia Lockser was stepping away from him, a soft and happy smile on her face as she turned around, walking away.

Gray smiled as he left the centre of the dance floor and got back into the crowd. Surprisingly, no one said anything or messed with him in any way. Or maybe he just didn't notice. Because right now, Gray Fullbuster was feeling something he never, ever thought he'd be feeling.

A/N: Hey guys! Long time no see, and yes that's my fault. This semester has been the craziest at school, and unfortunately, I lost my 14 year old dog due to illness… I'd been living with him ever since he was a few weeks old, and seeing him leave us like this completely broke me. Anyways, this is mainly why it took so long for me to finish this chapter, and I hope you can understand. I'll try to get the next chapter sooner this time, only two more to go! Thank you for reading, love you guys~

|Death and Berry|