Sorry
Written by: chochowilliams
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Summary: AU. He ran from Shuichi once. Will he take this second chance or let his past keep him from true happiness? Ryuichi/Shuichi, Shuichi/Eiri
Chapter summary: Eiri asks Shuichi to give him a second chance.
Warning: AU, Angst, drama, romance, language, m/m sexual content, Ryuichi/Shuichi, Shuichi/Eiri
Inserts:
A/N: Hey, guys! I am back! I had a blast in Salem! I would love to go back some day. Almost everything is within walking distance. The people were friendly. We even took a ride in one of those taxi carts things where someone on a bike is pulling you? That was very cool. Anyway, thank you to sun's and stars, LustAndVengeance, Hanyou Yajonem, -emerald jaguar-lilgurlanima, Acherona, scatteredbrains, pikeebo, sonata hirano, Plain Jane Is A Vampire, Golden Sun Dragoon, Nikki-De-Kitty for your reviews. You guys are the reason why I continue this story. Now, on with the story!
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Chapter 9
Only a lamp in the far corner was on, dimly lighting the hotel suite and elongating the shadows. The sun had vanished from the sky, slipping out of view behind the horizon of a metal and glass landscape. Through the open balcony doors, the first stars twinkled to life in the midnight blue sky. A hand unseen fingered the textured gauzy curtains, making them rustle. The vertical blinds slapped together silently, their whispered chiming filling the darkened suite. The breeze enveloped the couple entwined together in the middle of the living room, two large shadows in front of the sliding doors. They stood in a square pool of light, their shadows creating silhouettes on the floor. Into the silence soft muffled sobs rasped. Salty drops of water congealed into a heavy torrent that poured down Shuichi's face.
Eiri tightened his hold on the trembling man, running his hands up and down Shuichi's back. He buried his face in the burgundy hair tickling his chin. Strangely, despite all the chemicals, gel and hairspray polluting it, Shuichi's hair was unbelievably soft. A tiny smile crossed his face as he inhaled the sweet, intoxicating scent that was Shuichi. It was a mixture of strawberry and vanilla.
This was so unlike him. Eiri felt like those lovesick fools he wrote about in his novel. What happened to that heartless eligible bachelor, that cold, stoic man who did not care about anyone or anything and who would bring home a different person every night but found no pleasure in the act; just went through the motions in an effort to forget? That man for the past year has been gradually disappearing and now that the object of his affection was back in his arms, he could feel his old self, who had been trying to hold on for dear life, lose his grip and vanish into oblivion.
"I saw you," he whispered above the younger man's sobs. He gripped Shuichi and held him firmly against him.
His mind muddled, Shuichi's mind blanked. Confused, he tipped his head back to peer up at Eiri through glistening red-hazel eyes, his hands coming to rest lightly but firmly on Eiri's broad shoulders. A stray tear whispered down his flushed, drenched cheeks. "What?" he asked. His voice was tight. Shuichi watched as Eiri reached up and trapped the droplet with his finger. Bringing his finger to his mouth, he licked the tear slick digit. A hot blush reddened Shuichi's face.
Chuckling softly, Eiri brought one hand up to cup Shuichi's face while his other hand gripped his narrow hips possessively.
Shuichi leaned into the warm touch. A gentle smile was on his face. His eyes fluttered closed.
"A few months back you were playing at a charity event."
"I remember," Shuichi said. He covered Eiri's hand on his cheek. Opening his eyes, he stared lovingly into those beautiful eyes.
"Seguchi dragged me into going," Eiri admitted.
Silence enveloped the couple. Shuichi blinked stupidly for several long seconds. His face was neutral. Then what Eiri just said finally penetrated the thick layers of fog in his head. "What?!" Shuichi exclaimed in disbelief. "You were there?"
Eiri nodded.
"At the concert?"
Again, Eiri nodded. He was slightly amused by the incredulity and astonishment on the singer's face. "I was not going to go, but then I learned you were going to be performing and I found I couldn't turn him down."
Stunned, Shuichi stumbled backwards. Eiri's arms fell away.
Eiri had been there. He had come to see him. He could not believe it. Nobody had said anything to him about Eiri being at the concert. Why had nobody said anything? Shuichi felt a little hurt that he had been left out of the loop. Why had he been kept in the dark? But then, he thought gloomily, why would anybody tell him anything? It was not as if Eiri and he were together. Eiri could do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted; even go to a Bad Luck concert, not as if he had to answer to him or anything. That realization made Shuichi feel suddenly very sad. With a grimace, he clutched his chest as his heart gave a painful lurch. Tears prickled his eyes.
Eiri watched the different emotions swim across Shuichi's face. A fist tightened around his heart as he watched Shuichi's face fall. He did not like that expression on his soon to be lover's face. It did not suit him. Reaching out a hand, Eiri cupped the side of Shuichi's face and brushed his thumb across his cheek, sweeping over a lone tear that traversed down the damp hill. "What's this for?" he asked in a soft voice. "Huh?"
Shuichi gave him a forced watery smile and shook his head. He did not trust his voice.
"Dummy," Eiri said lightly.
Shuichi bit back a smile that threatened to split his face as a rosy blush tinted his cheeks.
"Beautiful," Eiri whispered before he could stop himself.
The blush deepened.
Eiri chuckled softly. Wrapping his arms around Shuichi's shoulders, he reeled him in.
Shuichi hugged his arms around Eiri's chest and nestled against him with a contented sigh. Smiling, he closed his eyes
"I learned something that day."
"Hm," Shuichi hummed as he burrowed further into Eiri's body. He loved the feeling of being wrapped within Eiri's arms. All his worries, fears, and inhibitions evaporated. Being held like this by Eiri made him as if he was protected and that nothing else mattered.
"I learned," Eiri continued, speaking softly into Shuichi's ear, "that I was a fool to let you go."
Shuichi inhaled sharply and his eyes popped open. He stared slack jawed and speechless at the far wall hidden deep within the shadows.
Eiri found all of it tumbling out quite easily. "I felt something that night…the night we met."
So did I, Shuichi thought with a tiny smile, tightening his grip.
"But it scared me," Eiri confessed. He laid his cheek upon Shuichi's head.
Shuichi frowned. "What did?" he asked curiously.
"…What you were making me feel."
Shuichi blinked. What he was making him feel? What did that mean? Was Eiri saying that he…that he…loved him? Confused, he pulled away from the man and searched his face carefully. "Yuki," he whispered.
Unable to hold that penetrating gaze, Eiri turned his head to stare blankly over Shuichi's shoulder. "…I told you about my parents, right?"
"Oh, Yuki," Shuichi whispered.
He remembered. It was the one subject that Eiri had refused to go into any great detail about accept to say that it had been a bitter and ugly parting that had affected him greatly. That still clearly affected him to this day nearly twenty years later. He had not understood at the time how something like your parents' marriage breaking apart could have such a strong influence on the rest of your life that you would be afraid of allowing yourself to fall in love. Then again, his parents were still together. They would be celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary in September.
"And now…now I…" The rest was choked back.
Shuichi smiled sympathetically. He reached up and caressed a hand down the side of Eiri's face. "It's okay. Yuki." He may not understand the turmoil waging through Eiri's head, but he did know that there was one. And that he understood.
Eiri grabbed the small hand stroking his head and linked their fingers together. Raising their tangled hands, he pressed his lips to the back of Shuichi's hand, which caused Shuichi's face to burn hotly. With a smirk, Eiri continued. "But despite everything, I found myself…falling in love…with you," he confessed. His face felt hot.
Shuichi gasped. Tears gathered in his eyes. "Yuki."
"I have no excuses for what I did other than to say that I was a complete and utter idiot for letting you walk away. I won't apologize because I don't deserve your forgiveness and I have no right to ask you for a second chance, not after everything that's happened." He paused to take a breath and gather his thoughts.
Shuichi waited patiently for him to continue.
Lifting his head, Eiri stared into those rich hazel eyes that had hints of red. "I don't deserve you, Shuichi Shindou. You are too good for me. I have nothing to offer you that you couldn't find somewhere else."
"Yuki?"
"And that's…that's why," Eiri continued, "that's why I was all right with letting Sakuma have you. I thought…I believed that he was a much better man for you, that he would be able to give you what I couldn't."
Tears trickled down Shuichi's face.
Eiri's eyes darkened as he thought over what that idiot Sakuma did give him. Apparently, he had placed his trust in the wrong person. If he ever got his hands on him…!
Concerned, Shuichi lifted a hand and it laid it gently on Eiri's flushed cheek. "Yuki?"
Instantly his murderous thoughts slipped to the back of his mind and his eyes brightened. "Shuichi."
Shuichi's heart skipped a beat.
"I know I have no right to ask you this, but…"
Shuichi waited anxiously. His pulse started beating faster.
"But do you think we could…?" Eiri felt his face grow hot. "I'm not asking you to forgive me. I'm just…" Eiri struggled with the words. This was definitely not his forte. "Or to give me a second chance. I just want…" Eiri was growing frustrated with himself. "Will you come back to me? Could we try again?" he forced himself to say.
No sooner had those words left his mouth than he found himself with an armful of purple fluff. Taken aback, Eiri blinked, uncertain about how he should react or proceed. He held his arms out around them, his fingers twitching. Sweating, he wracked his brain as he tried to straighten out his thoughts and figure out what to do. Damn this lousy brat, confusing him to no end.
Fed up with his indecision, Eiri's body relaxed, the tension dissipating and drew his arms about Shuichi. "Shuichi," he sighed.
He tightened his hold around the shaking boy, burying his face in his hair. He hushed Shuichi quietly as he tried to comfort the crying singer. He was not sure what to do in situations like these. He opened and closed his mouth several times, feeling like a complete fool, unable to think of anything to say. Instead, he kept his tongue and just held Shuichi.
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After awhile, Shuichi's sobs began to lessen and his tears slowed. Lifting his head, he wiped his wet face with the heel of his hand then rested his cheek against Eiri's chest and stared blankly out into the shadow-strewn room. A lone tear rolled down his exposed cheek. "I was waiting," he said into the silence.
"For what?" Eiri asked softly.
"You."
Eiri's stomach twisted.
Shuichi clawed at the back of Eiri's shirt. Fresh tears clouded his vision. "All this time," he wept, his voice thick with tears, "I've had this secret hope that you would come for me."
"Shuichi."
"But you never came!" he cried accusingly.
As a rule he never apologized, but this time as Eiri watched the tears stream down Shuichi's face, heard the bitterness and the resentment in his voice, he could not not say something. "Gomen nasai," he apologized with a tight his voice.
"Why, Eiri? Why now? Of all times? Why?"
Eiri tightened his hold.
Shuichi lifted his head and stared into those hazel eyes golden like the sun eyes. A stray tear trickled down his face. "Why?" He grabbed fistfuls of Eiri's shirt and shook him using all his bottled, pent up emotions. "Why!" he practically screamed.
Eiri growled, suddenly angry, but at whom he was not sure. "Because I couldn't sit idly by and watch as that bastard continued to make a fool of you! I entrusted you to him, believed he would be able to take care of you and look what he pulls! He goes and has an affair with my little brother! Not once, but twice!"
Shuichi stood in stunned silence. "E-Eiri," he whispered.
Eiri's face softened. All the anger rushed out of him at once. Reaching out, he caressed Shuichi's cheek. "There were so many times I just wanted to go to you and take you back, whether you wanted to or not."
A smile crossed Shuichi's face.
"I had so many opportunities and chances to just snatch you off the street and drag you home with me where I envisioned spending the whole night making sweet, sweet love to you."
"Why didn't you?" Shuichi blurted without thinking.
Eiri snickered.
A blush tinted Shuichi's cheeks as he realized what he just said. "I-I-I, uh, I mean, I didn't-"
Eiri shook his head in amusement. Then with a sigh, his smile slipped off his face and was replaced by a grim expression.
Shuichi felt the sudden shift in the air, sensed the heaviness. A serious mask slipped over his face. "Eiri?" he called softly.
Eiri sandwiched Shuichi's face between his hands and gazed deeply into Shuichi's eyes. "Does it really matter why?" he asked, searching the man's face. He took a step towards him, swallowing what little space there had been. "I'm here now aren't I?" he said, his voice barely a whisper. He dipped his head.
Shuichi's breath hitched. Breathing heavily, he licked dry lips and gripped Eiri's shirt with sweaty palms. His pulse was racing. He could feel his heart beating painfully in his chest. "Eiri," he whispered faintly right before Eiri's lips pressed into his. His face was all Shuichi could see.
Shuichi froze. He stared blankly at Eiri's forehead, confused as to what he was supposed to do. Should he kiss him back or push him away? He did not know! Oh, he was just so confused. This whole thing was so confusing. Why did Eiri have to show up now of all times? The only thing that was going through his mind was, "He tastes of tobacco".
Eiri pulled back, frowning deeply when he felt something wet drip onto his face. "Shu?" he called uncertainly. Had he pushed things too far too fast? He opened his mouth, but Shuichi's soft, trembling voice cut him off.
"Why?" Shuichi whispered. "Why? I don't understand."
"Don't understand what?"
Shuichi jerked Eiri's shirt. "This! Us! You and me!" Sobbing and blinded by his tears, Shuichi collapsed to his knees at Eiri's feet. Burying his face in his hands, he cried silently.
Eiri watched the boy in growing sympathy.
"I never stopped loving you," Shuichi confessed, weeping.
Crouching, Eiri folded his hands between his knees. "Then come back with me."
"Huh?" Shuichi lifted tear filled eyes.
"Give us a chance…to try again. Allow me the opportunity…to try to win you back."
Shuichi opened his mouth, but when nothing came out, snapped it shut. His mind was a maze and a jumble of thoughts.
Eiri watched those large beautiful eyes cloud over in confusion and felt like he had been kicked in the gut. "Do you love me?"
Shuichi lifted his head and gazed at Eiri. "Yes," he admitted without any thought.
Eiri smirked. "Do you want to be with me?"
"…Yes."
Eiri caught that moment's hesitation and frowned angrily. He fisted his hands and clenched his jaw. Damn that man! Even after everything he did, Shuichi still feels some loyalty to him! "Why?" he growled.
Shuichi blinked in surprise at the angry tone. "Eiri?"
"That jerk cheated on you! He lied to you! He used you! And yet you still love him!" His voice broke. "Why, Shuichi? Why do you stay with him?"
A sad little smile crossed Shuichi's lips. "Because he's my husband."
--TBC--
Preview: Eiri continues to press Shuichi for an answer.