A/N Chapter 10! I'm so happy where this story has gone, and I have been appalled by all the reviews you guys have given me. A big thank you to SunflowerFran and gabby1017 for recommending my story, you two are awesome! Just to let you know, the final scene is based heavily off of A Court of Thorns and Roses, so I don't claim credit for it, those of you that have read the book, even if I have put my own tweaks on them. Hope you enjoy and don't be afraid to tell me what you think.
I do not own Twilight or A Court of Thorns and Roses
Bella slowly rested her hands on the dinning room table, completely stricken silent from the faerie that sat across from her.
Edward had just given her full permission to ask away; finally she would be able to understand every detail, secret and mystery within the faerie world. But she was unable to speak.
"Bella, are you okay?" Those thick brows drew together, Bella blinking several times as hundreds of questions flew around in her head like a flurry of snow. "Just tell me what you would like to know first." Edward suggested lightly when it was clear Bella was at a loss for where to start.
But what did she want to know above all else? Bella wasn't even sure herself.
"Why are you so different." So she blurted the first thing that came to her mind.
Edward just gave a breathy laugh, "You'll have to be more specific."
"Your skin and eyes," She gestured to basically all of him, "You and your court are so different from the faeries I've read about. But you seem like you got the worst of it. I can't help but wonder what caused it?"
Edward took a deep breath, his hand rubbing the back of his head before he looked back to her. He was wondering how to tell her. "I'm like this way because of a sickness that has stricken my lands. My court is also affected by the…blight, of sorts." His eyes hardened with each word. "But I'm affected the worst of all, but I don't know why." He finished as a muscle feathered in his jaw. One thing was for sure, the subject was a sour one.
"Can't it be helped? I mean, with magic and everything, isn't there a cure?"
Edward's lips thinned; his face turning somehow a shade paler. "No, there's no cure." He answered blandly.
The words were heavy as they hung in the air between them. Bella had the inkling that he was withholding something, but then again she could be imagining things. After spending so much time being kept in the dark, the new information was hard to absorb.
"How long?" Bella was aware that she was speaking too vaguely as Edward cocked his head slightly. But it was hard to form thoughts when she now knew that he would never be the same. Edward could never be the boy she saw in those portraits, and the thought actually made her…pity him. To never be warm again, to look in the mirror only to see gray skin and black eyes, she didn't know how he endured it. "How long have you been like this?"
"Fifty years." She sucked in a breath, not sure if she should say she was sorry or not when he answered it for her. "I see what your thinking. And you don't need to feel sorry for me, Bella." He gave let out a harsh laugh, before his eyes settled on her and softened slightly. "I am sorry for having to take you though. If you know anything, I hope its that. Our customs and rules here, when it come to trespassing are rather…. faerie."
Bella couldn't help but glance down; his eyes suddenly too gentle, "I don't blame you anymore. I used to though; actually hated you for it." She gave a terse laugh, but he didn't say anything as she finally met his gaze. "But I don't anymore."
He just gave her a grateful smile as he released a sigh; the tension in his shoulders easing more than she had ever seen. "What else would you like to know? I'll answer what I can."
Bella gave him a small smile, the weeks of piled up stress between them seeming to slowly evaporate. "I actually would like to know about your family."
Edward nodded, before a slow grin began to spread on his lips, "That is a very long story, and sadly, requires me to leave this uncomfortable chair." He quirked a brow at her, "Perhaps we could continue this outside?"
"Are you withholding answers from me just so I'll go outside?" She gave him a pointed glare, but he just shrugged.
"Perhaps," But a smirk was still edging its way free from his lips.
So Bella just nodded; content to follow him down hallway after the exited the dining room. She had never explored this particular corridor to know exactly where it ended. But she was aware Edward had slowed down on her behalf, and was surprised when he paused at the end of the hall.
But it wasn't the end, for embedded in the wall, embellished with gold flowers and leaves, was a door. The designs twisted in no pattern in particular, as she distantly recognized some old language scrawled into the swirls of the script.
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see." Edward opened the door with no trouble at all, but from the groan it gave, Bella had the inkling it had not been opened for some time.
She blinked harshly as the afternoon sun washed over them. The door did not lead to another room, but outside.
Even though the land was dormant. It was still impressive as rolling hills lay beyond, before they melded into groves of trees. A few brave wildflowers even sprouted in clusters as Bella trailed behind Edward. They just continued to follow a stone path that looked as old as the castle itself; the rocks now imbedded into the deep turf. She looked up to discover it led directly into the forest.
Hearing her steps pause, Edward glanced back to her. "I promise you Bella, its safe." His words were a reassurance, but not as much as his face. Edward's eyes were soft with understanding, as he outstretched his hand. She blinked, only staring at his spread palm.
And Bella before could hesitate any further, she placed her hand in his warm grasp. Feeling a small grin spreading on her lips, she looked down to his hand clasped around hers, sure and strong. "Did you warm your hands?" She giggled, reveling in the feeling of his calloused palm against hers.
He just peered down at her, a smile threatening to show itself, "I've been rubbing them against my legs the whole time we've been out here, haven't you noticed?"
She just laughed, unsure if he was joking or completely serious. But she was distracted from the strange peeling sound that she had heard. It was coming from her. Bella was laughing.
That earned a rich smile from Edward, his eyes no longer hard but instead, reminding her of molten lava. "If that's all it takes to make you laugh, I'll have to do it more often."
Bella just let out a most unlady like snort at that, only causing more laughter from herself. "I'm sorry," She breathed, "But it's just so funny to see you take so much effort just to have warm hands."
They just continued walking, Edward carefully warning her when an upturned root or rock lay in their path before he shrugged. "I know how much it irks you, so I try to combat it when I can."
Her hysteria now calming, Bella peered up to the male beside her as he just kept his head forward, "What makes you think it irks me?" On the contrary, she had grown to appreciate his cold skin. It was calming in its own way.
He just shrugged, "You used to shiver anytime I neared, so I put two and two together." Bella just turned her face away, pretending to gaze at the trunks of trees now that they were completely sheathed by the canopy of the forest. He didn't need to know the real reason behind the particular reaction. If he only knew.
So Bella rushed to change the subject instead, "So you succeeded in getting me out of the castle, so now I want to hear about your family."
"You're right, fairs fair." He chuckled, running a hand though his hair. Bella couldn't help her eyes from wandering to the biceps that rippled with the motion. "Believe it or not, I was one of three brothers. I was the youngest, and then Masen then Anthony the oldest, and of course our two parents, the once Lord Carlisle and Lady Esme of Dathail." Although there was the right level of warmness in his eyes, there was still an underlying coldness as well. Bella also noticed his phrasing: Edward was speaking as if they were long gone. Were they all dead then? Or just living in different regions likes Alice's brother?
"My oldest brothers both sought to be the Lord of Dathail, since with faeries, only the strongest with magic can assume the title."
"Did you not wish to be Lord?"
Edward let out a sharp laugh, "Gods no. I was content to just be a part of my father's war band and serve him that way. Fae Lords had to know not only how to handle themselves elegantly within their court, but with other providences as well. I knew I wasn't fit for that life."
So Edward was originally a soldier, which suddenly made sense. That's how he could wipe out all the Oillteil without an injury or even a scratch to show for it.
"Unfortunately, my father was a harsh male, and didn't mind seeing his two oldest sons grow to hate each other just over a title. My mother was a little more hesitant, but she knew the traditions and she couldn't stop it from happening even if she tried."
Bella did her best to imagine such a life; when brothers treated each other like enemies. And a father that only wanted the strongest heir to inherit. No wonder Edward was so closed off.
"But even as I did my best to stay far away from court, only traveling with my father's armies, there was no mistaking how strong I was becoming. Every time I came home, my brothers could see it, could smell it on me, how the magic was flourishing in my veins." Edward paused momentarily, "But when the 500 year war came when your people rebelled." He tried to say it as tenderly as possible, but Bella still cringed. Bella knew Edward was alive when his people had used her species for slaves, but to be reminded of it was another thing.
"But I thought you said you were a child during the war?"
Edward clenched his jaw, "Even though I was over fifty years old, to my kind I was a teenager."
"What happened then, with your brothers and parents?"
"They didn't survive the war." His voice was unusually bland, and Bella wondered if a dark part of him was happy for it; to be rid of such a tyrant of a father. But Bella didn't have time to ask as much before Edward inhaled a sharp breath with forced brightness. "So I ended up inheriting to be Lord of Dathail after all. What I had been avoiding all along ended up being thrust upon me anyways." He gave a terse chuckle before he continued. "And let me tell you, it was a tough transition at first. Not a lot of faeries like a beastly war commander as their new Lord. And because of that, most of my father's court left to other providences."
Bella's eyes widened, "That's terrible."
Edward just shrugged, "I didn't mind. I was never good at the smoozing and backstabbing it took to survive in their world. So it was better that way."
"Do you miss your family?" Although it didn't sound like a loving childhood, Bella still knew how she missed her own family, no matter how harsh her upbringing was.
Edward just glanced down, "I miss my mother, but not really my father or brothers. I know it sounds horrible, but mostly its because my father kept…slaves, and my brothers too. And I can't forgive them for it." Although Edward looked sick just admitting it, Bella still gasped just knowing that humans had been forced to work against their will in the very castle she was growing to accept as her new home. But Edward hadn't kept them. Bella told herself, yet he fought a war against the uprising. It was too much to wrap her head around.
Bella didn't have and adequate answer so both her and the Lord stayed silent as Edward paused to help her over a fallen tree that lay in the path. As she inched her leg over the mossy log, his hand steadied her elbow and she sought to grasp something else. That something else happened to be Edward's broad shoulder. Hard, toned muscle lay under her touch; a warrior's body that was honed by centuries of brutality.
"So," She spoke a little too loudly, withdrawing her hand like she had touched a burning stove. But that didn't stop Bella from being disappointed when he didn't move to grab her hand after that. "How far does the sickness spread?"
He just smiled slightly, aware of her sudden change of subject but also content to move on from their previous topic. "The blight only spreads as far as my regions, but its slowly seeping outwards. That's why more and more of the forest is dying. My lands used to stay green all year long, but only a few days before Antearrach andit is still barren when it should be flourishing."
Bella's eyes widened just thinking of how powerful the faerie were to keep their lands lush, when her human lands were subject to be brown the majority the year.
"Is there no way to stop it?"
His eyes turned grim as he wavered a bit. "Not unless a miracle happens."
Bella opened her mouth to ask more, but Edward suddenly stopped. They were still in the middle of the forest, but when she finally looked forward, the sight took her breath away.
There, in a small nook in the valley of the forest stood a sparkling pond. The water seemed to glisten like the stars themselves even in the daylight. There was a small waterfall that fed the inlet, and the trees parted just enough to provide ample sunshine upon the green grass that surrounded the small area.
"What is this place?" Bella asked in complete awe, as she followed Edward to a soft patch of grass near the water.
He turned, a hint of sadness in his eyes, "This is the only place that has stayed immune to the blight." He sat down, only to spread further with his legs long in front as he propped himself on his elbows. "Because of that," He inclined his head to the shimmering water that rippled in the soft breeze.
"What is it?" As soon as she beheld the pond, she knew it wasn't just water that lay inside it.
"Its starlight." She turned to him, expecting a wicked grin, only to see that he was completely serious. Edward, reading every thought as it crossed her face, just smiled, "It's the only thing keeping this alive when everything is subject to die in autumn." His eyes glancing to the waterfall, and to the bright grass beneath him as
Edward just stretched out further, his eyes suddenly resting on her with surprising earnest. "Nothing is going to happen, Bella, I promise you're safe."
He could see her hesitation plain of day but if he only knew that it was not of monsters she was scared of, but of him. She was afraid of her budding feelings that were only growing the more Edward opened up about his life.
He too had felt like an outcast in his own family, even within the courts he governed. Edward had described himself as a beast compared to his own people that rejected his roughness, just as her sisters rejected Bella for hers.
Swallowing the sudden lump in her throat, Bella took a seat in the plush grass. Now realizing a sudden understanding for the male that sat next to her. Edward was raised without a chance to trust anyone, perhaps even his mother. Only to be rejected again, by his own people and then his lands being struck by an incurable sickness.
Blow after blow he had taken, and endured them, against the odds. And now he had taken her, even if it was against her will at first. But he had given Bella a level of comfort she had never known in her life, and now it seemed, he cared enough to give her the answers she craved.
"Edward?" Bella asked quietly, as he hummed in response; his eyes closed long ago when a ray of sun came through he trees to shine on them both. She found herself admiring the way the rays illuminated his skin and hair. "That night I overheard you and Jasper talking. You spoke of a female, and I could help—I couldn't help but wonder…." He opened his eyes then, as Bella did her best not to stutter. "If you were talking about your mate?"
Edward just stared at her. Long ago having sat up, he blinked, once, twice, three times at her. "Don't be mad, I just, read about faeries having mates and Jasper wanted to meet her…" Bella was aware that she was rambling, but she couldn't help it when Edward was looking at her as if she was a chicken with its head cut off. She stood abruptly, only to put her back to his as he continued, "So I put two and two together and I think…think I would like to meet her too." She started to ring her hands together, suddenly wanting to disappear completely. How long would it take to get back to the castle if she left now? Could she even find her way back?
But one thing was for sure; Bella wasn't lying when she said she wanted to meet her. To meet the faerie that had somehow deserved his devotion…
"There is no other female, Bella." Edward finally spoke, his voice clear and concise from behind her. But she still kept her back to his, trying to put together what he was saying. Surely it wasn't…it couldn't be…
"I don't know exactly what you heard, but we were speaking of a past…acquaintance of mine." Edward answered stiffly; Bella now noticing any warmth he had in his eyes now seep outwards. The cold and unfeeling Lord of Dathail took its place. "Besides, I believe its time for some tea." Edward cleared his throat before strode over to her side. "Jasper will no doubt already be taking lunch on the patio, if you care to join?"
And just like that, it was if nothing had happened.
"No thank you." Bella answered with forced politeness. She had thought she had found a kindled spirit, someone who could understand the guilt and sadness of missing a family that only treated you badly. Bella had even hoped to confide in the Lord, but just as she was glimpsing into the complexities of his past life and, Edward had slammed the door shut in her face.
Edward just nodded as he lead her forward; the whisper of his cold fingers on her warm skin reminding Bella there was a world's difference between them.
The trip back to the castle was silent between them, and as soon as they entered he castle, Edward was quick to excuse himself, not before asking if Bella wanted lunch to be brought to her rooms.
Although he had been nothing but polite, Bella fought not to grumble her 'no' when she answered. It was if there were miles suddenly between them. He was back to treating her like some distant houseguest, completely cordial, but she still got the feeling that she was unwanted. It was driving her wild.
"Very well." He murmured, his velvet voice smoother than usual.
Damn him.
"Enjoy the rest of your day." And with that he was gone, silent as usual as he strode back outside.
But as Bella made her way to her rooms, and observed the spreading decorations in preparation for Antearrach, she had to give one thing to Alice and all the servants; they were magnificent. They had hardly stopped cleaning, preparing and decorating the castle for days now. Even if the holiday was days away, and Bella was positive no more food could be hauled into the kitchens, or more flowers brought it, more still arrived each day.
Not paying attention to her surroundings, due to the magnificent banners, Bella was surprised when someone was calling her name. She turned around, only to see Jasper striding towards her.
"Hey," He gave her a sly smile; Bella quickly realizing it was his usual greeting. They would cross paths from time to time, mostly between his scheduled rounds and her study breaks. When they did see each other, they had made a point to head down to the armory for some target practice or to learn some simple defensive moves. It had been a comfortable routine, something to take her mind off of her family and pass some time.
"Are you finished with your rounds already?" She asked with mild surprise, looking him up and down only to notice the slew of weapons that he had on his person.
"Yes, but I was actually going to meet with our fearless Lord to discuss boarder control. So I'm afraid practice will have to wait." Bella was happy to know Edward was at least telling the truth when he said he was going to meet with Jasper. But could hardly believe they would have talked business if she had agreed to join them for lunch when Edward invited her himself.
Instead, her ears pricked at his mentioning of any sort of boundary to Edward's land. As far as she could tell, the region was endless. "Border control?"
Jasper just released a breath, apparently stressed by even the mentioning of it. "Yes, for when faeries start arriving for Antearrach. A lot of guests will be entering these lands, and we have to make sure that other…unsavory creatures can't sneak in." If his words didn't worry her, the sudden grim look on his face did. But Bella still squared her shoulders, and forced her expression into something somewhat cheerful.
"Oh, well. I'll leave you to it then." She continued on, not quite sure why she felt so pathetic all of a sudden.
Pushing the feeling away, Bella quickly went to the kitchen to grab some bread and cheese to take back to her room, only to find a steaming silver tray when she entered.
"What's this?" She asked Alice, who was in the middle of changing the sheets on Bella's bed. Her maid just looked over her shoulder to the tray that sat on the nearby table.
"Edward brought it over himself." Her friend stated simply, but Bella could tell Alice was secretly impressed. To have the Lord deliver a meal himself was a great honor, no matter what lands someone hailed from, human or faerie.
Bella just pressed her lips together, lifting the lid to see a piping hot bowl of soup and grilled sandwich.
Although Bella was upset with him, she couldn't deny it smelled fantastic.
"Care for some?" Bella motioned to the meal, but the maid just shook her head.
"Thanks, but I've already eaten."
Bella just shrugged, not hesitating before she dug right in. It tasted just as good as it smelled. "Alice?" Bella asked distantly after both were silent for a while.
"Hmmm?" The maid hummed, intent on her task.
"What sort of….faeries are allowed to join Antearrach?"
The maid suddenly stopped, standing upright to fix a look at Bella. "May I ask why the sudden curiosity?"
"I'm just wondering, since Jasper spoke of certain creatures that try to slip in when all the other faeries arrive…." Bella trailed off, unsure if she should refer to monsters like the Oillteil as creatures or faeries.
But Alice didn't seem at all offended. "It will be much safer now that Edward has gotten rid of the Oillteil." Alice responded with confidence, "But either way, you should probably take someone with you to the festivities. Like…the Lord perhaps!" Alice answered a little too cheerfully.
Bella scoffed "I would sooner take Jasper as an escort before Edward." That might have been a lie, "But either way, I don't think I'll be going to Antearrach anyways."
She noticed Alice blush at the mentioning of the sentry. "Ah yes, Jasper. So you are you two courting?" Bella almost choked.
"Heavens no!" Her brows crinkled in confusion as she met the maid's eyes.
"Well," Her friend stood a little straighter, "You two have been spending a lot of time together, its only natural to think…"
"Alice, I promise you, it's nothing like that. We are just friends."
The maid just pursed her lips, "I see."
Bella just let out a sigh, trying to rid her mind of the thought of her and Jasper together. "So, are you free this afternoon?" Alice seemed to waver what to say before Bella just continued, "Good, because I think I know what we're doing for the rest of the day."
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Bella had told her friend that she just fancied a stroll around the castle, when in reality she was stalling, waiting for a certain someone that usually appeared around this time of day.
"Jasper!" Bella exclaimed, as her maid nearly ran into the sentry face first in the middle of the hall. Alice fought to regain her footing. But Jasper paid no mind to Bella's greeting as he sought to help Alice steady herself. The maid blushed furiously as soon as his hands found her shoulders. And Bella couldn't help but wonder if the Fae's senses weren't as superior as she once thought. They had ran right into each other.
"Excuse me, sir." Alice mumbled, only growing redder. Bella fought to hide her smile as she beheld the two of them.
Jasper blinked a couple times before he gave the maid a stiff nod, "The fault is mine, miss." Bella had never seen Jasper so chivalrous, since he always acted like a complete ass around her.
But she didn't mind, as Bella watched both Alice and Jasper's eyes settling on each other a little too long.
The sentry, suddenly noticing that Bella was in fact, there as well, sputtered to greet her. "Ah, there you are." Jasper forced his eyes to Bella's before continuing rather tersely, "Are you free? We could go hunting now."
"Now?" She tried not to sound as weak as she felt, since Jasper had somehow convinced her to consent to a hunt a few days ago; her gaze shifting over to Alice instead.
Bella cleared her throat, "Sorry, but we were actually just heading down to the armory, perhaps hunting could wait?" She asked a little too brightly. Jasper just cast her a knowing glare.
"I won't teach you sword play until you step a foot in those woods." That's how he had done it. Jasper had made a deal with her: go hunting with the sentry once, then Jasper would teach her the art of handing a sword. Something Bella had longed to learn her entire life.
Bella just forced her face into careful indifference. He couldn't know that she was desperately trying to avoid the ordeal. Not the woods, but the act of harming another living thing. He couldn't know, for he would only tease her incessantly about it. "Don't you want to give Alice a few pointers, like you did for me?" Bella raised her brows, as Jasper's gaze slide over to the maid.
"Very well," Jasper dipped into a small bow before rising, "I suppose we could wait until afterthe spring feast to hunt. It will be better to find game afterwards, anyways." He tried not to grumble as Bella beamed at him.
"Thanks Jasper." Bella answered a little too sweetly just for his sake, for Alice had yet to take her eyes off of the sentry.
"Yeah, yeah." Jasper dismissed Bella with a roll of his eyes as he motioned for her to lead the way.
Happy to allow the two faeries to stand next to one another, Bella only smiled wider when she saw Alice cast Jasper a timid smile as they continued forward. "So what were you ladies planning in the weapons ward?" Jasper asked with careful interest.
When Alice didn't respond, Bella just shrugged, "I wanted to see Alice's skill with a bow and arrow, and you are just the faerie to join us in case she wished for some help."
Bella tried not to laugh as Jasper's eyes practically bugged out of his head, but he quickly regained himself with a not-so-graceful attempt to change the subject. "Are you ladies excited for Antearrach?" He cast both of them a curious glance, but Bella didn't miss how his eyes lingered on Alice. Bella was surprised however, when her friend answered swiftly.
"I surely am, but Lady Bella doesn't think she will be attending."
"Bella," Jasper chided, "At least to the preliminary feast?" Bella stifled her look of astonishment. Never had she seen Jasper in such good spirits: their time together usually consisted of snide comments and sarcastic glares. She didn't recognize the male faerie that walked beside her now.
"And what would a human do at a faerie holiday?"
"Well, unlike spring in your human realm, where it takes ages for everything to come into growth, here its instantaneous. "
"What?" Bella did her best to wrap her head around the notion. Both him and Alice just nodded. "So you're saying that the next morning everything will be suddenly green and beautiful?" Bella asked somewhat unconvinced as she glanced out a passing window to the expanse of brown outside.
"Of course, that's why Edward and the other High Fae…"Alice started but snapped her mouth shut as soon as Jasper gave her a rather urgent look. Her maid had just revealed something Bella wasn't supposed to have knowledge of. Bella could tell just from the horrified looks on both of her friend's faces. "I—I mean," Alice sputtered, "That's what happens when all the faeries gather in one place."
Bella forced her voice steady as she asked what she had only suspected before. "Edward is a High Lord?" Of course, it all made sense; the expectations and pressure from his father. Edward was High Fae, that also meant he was not only Lord of Castle Dathail but of the entire providence: he was one of the legendary all-powerful rulers of the seven states that made up their entire continent; unyielding and the subject of most of her species' more sinister legends.
And she had called him a bastard.
"Why didn't I know?" Edward hadn't deemed to tell her that not only were his brothers fighting to reign a plot of land, but an entire state, no doubt equal to her own lands in size. And Edward had said he was even unable to hide his own magic in front of his family. The power he had to possess to be able to claim such a position must have been unfathomable.
Bella had never been thankful to the sickness that struck Edward's lands until then; For she knew she would never be able to handle her astonishment, her fear if Edward was ever restored to his full self.
Alice just pressed her lips together as Jasper gave a quick look around, probably making sure no servant was in earshot, or maybe just the Lord himself. "He didn't want you to know." Alice was the one to answer.
"Why not?" Did Edward think the knowledge that he was High Fae would very well frighten her? Did he know the human legends of his kind that painted them as demi-gods that had no restraint or mercy when it came to killing her kind as well as his own?
"He just wanted to protect you." Alice hushed, glancing over to the sentry on her side.
Protect Bella from herself. Of seeing him as the monster he could be. If Bella had known straight away who was head of the castle she called home, she wouldn't have left her room.
Noticing the Bella's now pale face, Jasper rushed to step in, "He did it for your own safety." Bella blinked, feeling the sudden urge to rush to the library to read all there was on the High Fae. Was she in danger from the infamous ruling Fae? Or just in danger from people that would see her closeness to him and use it to gain power and wealth.
Bella gulped at the thought.
"Bella, are you okay? Just say something." Alice was asking with a frantic edge to her voice.
Bella blinked, "I'm fine." She murmured, still dazed. "Really." She stated a little louder when she still saw the concern etched on both faerie's faces.
But they had reached the armory by then, as Jasper explained the various weapons to Alice and their uses; their previous conversation completely forgotten, or thankfully avoided.
Jasper took no time as he gave the maid a starting bow to begin with, and tweaked her form or aim when she needed it. Just content to watch their lingering glances, Bella was happy to see Alice's continuous smile. And even Jasper revealed genuine happiness, not a hint of his usually cynical expression as he gazed down at the maid.
And slowly before Bella even realized, it suddenly became too intimate to watch. The way Jasper's hand would linger on Alice's shoulder as he taught her how to widen her stance and how to draw farther for better distance. And how the maid would take any chance to touch the sentry, only to blush slightly afterwards.
Bella, although feeling retched because of it, was jealous of them. So unbelievably envious that she had to leave the room.
They didn't even notice.
Too distracted to think of anything else to do, she wandered for a while until Bella found herself ending up before two glass doors. It seemed even her subconscious had led her to the only place that felt refreshing when she felt like she would suffocate in her solitude.
The greenhouse was softly illuminated with the slowly sinking sun, as she strolled easily between the winding paths. The more she visited the lush plants, the more nooks and bends she found, splaying more species that she had never dreamed of seeing in her lifetime before. But she wasn't in the mood for exploring, as she sought out her favorite corner.
It was hidden mostly, save for the small opening between the blooming bushes that allowed her to sit amongst them. When she first found the spot, Bella had been enthralled by the roses' beauty. Endless colors of blooms, some so vivid in both scent and color that she thought them magic themselves. She didn't know if the nook created by the plants was purposeful or just by chance, but nonetheless, someone had placed a small wooden bench amongst them. It was a perfect place to read or just sit, and on days that her life felt like a jumbled mess, a place to feel safe.
Bella eventually dozed off, long ago having laid down to read a book she had pulled from her dress pocket, when Bella heard footsteps. So soft that she had wondered she had imagined them before they stopped.
And before she could prepare herself, or even gasp, the High Lord was brushing past the thick branches and standing before her.
"Bella," He breathed, standing up a little straighter and his face going rigid. He looked terrible despite his angelic features. His skin looked even grayer than it usually did, and dark circles were under his eyes. His hair was a mess, probably a result of hours of frustrated hands raking through it. He had long ago discarded his overcoat, and only wore an unbuttoned gray vest over his white dress shirt.
"Edward," Her eyes retreated downward before she was rising in hopes of excusing herself.
"No please," He outstretched his hand like he was going touch her arm, before he withdrawled it hastily. "Don't let me disturb you, I was only…" A muscle twitched in his jaw as he trailed off "—wandering." He finished dryly.
"I was just leaving anyway." Bella spoke before she could comprehend what his meaning was. It was always slightly overwhelming to be in Edward's presence before, but now that she knew he was a High Lord, it was just too much. Now that she paid attention to it, Bella could see the very power of him, written in his features and powerful form. Even exhausted, Bella had no doubt Edward could wipe out an armada if he had the slightest inclination.
Reminding herself that he had done that already with the Oillteil, she adverted her eyes.
He looked like he wanted to say something else, but his own gaze flitted from her to the endless roses that surrounded them. "Sometimes I come here to think myself." Bella tried not to warm by the mere thought of finding something that Edward came to for comfort, but she did anyways. "You know, my father planted these for my mother as a wedding present." He stepped forward to grab a nearby bud between his fingers–blood red before he released it a moment later. "Even though my father hated gardens, he planted them himself, for her." He smiled softly then, his eyes distant like his thoughts were in another world.
"Were they mates?" Bella heard herself ask.
"You know, they were actually." He laughed softly, "Its so rare for Lords to marry their mate, but they did."
"High Lords, you mean."
Edward just glanced down, "So now you know. " His face was suddenly grim, "Did Jasper tell you?" He asked blandly.
Bella chose not to answer that particular question, not wanting either Alice or Jasper to get into trouble. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
"Because." He heaved a sigh, his broad shoulders stiff with stress Bella couldn't understand. "I was afraid of what you would think of me. I can see it even now."
Bella opened her mouth in hopes of answering before he only continued, "Tell me Bella, what is it about me that unsettles you so much?"
She blinked, glancing down to her clasped hands. "What makes you think you unsettle me?"
He glanced down to her fidgeting fingers before he let out a breath, "Because every time you so much as see me, you tense up." His nostrils flared slightly before he continued, "I once thought it was because of what I was, before you knew I was High Fae, but I see how close you are to Alice, and even now to Jasper. So that leads me to believe it's just me." He ran a hand harshly through his hair before he pinned his eyes on her. " I wouldn't mind it if—if Gods, if you just didn't look at me like that."
Bella just cocked her head, "Look at you like what?" She was sure she wasn't looking at him anything differently. It was how she always looked at him, wasn't it?
"You look at me like you're waiting me to become a monster; no different than the ones that attacked you in that damned forest!" His voice was raised slightly, but Bella was too busy realizing the last few words almost got stuck in his throat.
She just blinked, still dazed that Edward was revealing all of this. True, Bella was wary of him, perhaps even afraid of him at one point when she first arrived. Maybe even eager to use that fear to fuel her hate towards him. But as Bella appraised the Fae male before her, she truly saw what was behind such a temper. It was the same pain and suffering that she knew all too well. They were the same.
"I don't think that." She murmured, watching his eyes melt slightly, but a muscle still feathered in his jaw.
"Please Bella," Edward scoffed harshly, "I may not be able to smell your emotions, but my Fae senses can still pick up the other cues. Yet even when I can hear your very heart beat quicken, smell the blood thrumming through your veins—" His voice was reaching a growl, "—even then, you still remain and enigma. Are all humans so confusing?"
It was Bella's turn to scoff before she answered incredulously, "I'm confusing? When the very faerie that took me from my home is the same male who rescued me from my own escape attempt? The same faerie who not only gave me a suite as grand as his, but only continues to give me gifts I don't deserve? Believe me, you're not exactly the easiest to figure out either, Edward." She watched his eyes widen when she said his name.
But otherwise, he didn't respond, his brows only drawing together slightly as Bella fought not to ring her hands together as she just pressed her lips tight, looking for an explanation that he would accept. "I'm not tense because of anything you did, or even anything you might do. True, I used to loath you for keeping me here. But the longer I stay, the more you remind me of everything I left behind, and the more I begin to loathe myself because of it."
Edward took a step towards her, but Bella suddenly couldn't stop the words from flowing,"Because I can't even hope to deserve the gifts you give me, let alone my life here. The richness of a life where I am free to do what I want, have friends who care for me, received clothes and food that surpass anything I've ever—" Suddenly she couldn't speak, as Edward's face softened completely. Never had Bella seen his brows ease that much, or his eyes so soft.
"Deserve?" He practically snarled when even his rigid posture evaporated.
Bella thought he was about to reach for her but he kept his arms pinned to his side. "Believe me Bella, you deserve everything you've received, and much more." His voice was low and mixed with a certain roughness that made her stomach do summersaults.
"Do I?" She answered, her voice turning thick as she turned to the nearest rose bush so she would be unable to see his reaction, "Tell me, how am I supposed to live in such luxury when my family is left in near poverty?" She felt his gaze on her, slowing burning a hole in her back. "How can I parade around in a castle, reading, eating and lounging in comfort while they are left alone?"
Bella plucked a white rose in her frustration, a sharp thorn imbedding in her palm and quickly drawing blood. He didn't reprimand her for picking one of his parent's roses, parents who although were harsh, probably loved him and each other more than hers ever could. A family that would have fought if he were ever taken from them.
But she continued anyways, the words seeming to rush out of her now; thoughts that she had kept locked away, "How can I even think of being happy while I abandon them?" The more she revealed, the more her voice turned hoarse with whatever mix of guilt and hurt she had been harboring ever since her father traded her life for his.
"But then there's the terrible, dark part of me that's relieved." She watched as the blood oozed from the cut, unable to stop the words from flowing out of her. "I don't know why I'm ashamed when I feel a part of myself breaking free; when I feel myself living for, perhaps, the first time in my life."
Bella finally turned around; in hopes of only seeing the cold gaze she had grown to appreciate; hard, impenetrable, unyielding. So many times that stare had made her feel insignificant in her humanity. Sometimes when she was overwhelmed by the kindness she undeservedly received, she would welcome his sharpness as a reminder that she was only a glorified prisoner here. That even when it felt like a crushing weight on her chest to remain here, that her problems were nothing compared to the sorrow in the world.
But when she met his eyes, they were ridden with so much pain and understanding that it took her breath away. Edward no longer looked at her with distain, but gazed at her like he was somehow hurt by her own hurt. And Bella was so shaken by the gravity in those eyes; she quickly looked down to the rose she still held in her hand.
Its perfect, white petals mocked her. He was perfect, and Bella was imperfect. She was a fool for even thinking he cared for her earlier today when she brought up the female.
But even as those thoughts seemed to crush her, she continued to divulge information she had kept inside for her entire life. Edward had yet to say anything, and Bella unable to see how he was looking at her. Was it pity or sadness?
"All those years, what I did for them. Feeding them and clothing them for years and they didn't stop you from taking me." There it was: the giant pain that threatened to crack her in two is she thought of it too long. He said nothing, even as the silence seemed to taunt them.
Bella just scoffed then, hoping to regain some sort of control over herself. "But my self pity must be absurd in your eyes. I recon, from all the wars, pain and suffering you've seen and endured, that I seem selfish."
Unable to bear his gaze on hers, she met it equally. With head held high she waited for him to respond. She didn't wish for him to dismiss her feelings like Alice would, but at least recognize them for what they were.
She watched as he neared her, his brows creasing ever so slightly as he confronted her then, "Your pain is valid, Bella." She felt her heart falter at the combination of his dark eyes and soft words, so simple but so monumental all the same. "And believe it or not, if it grieves you, then it also grieves me."
"Why?" A flat question, as Bella chucked the rose into the bushes. Sick of it from reminding her of everything she wasn't.
But he only took her hands then, his calloused fingers, strong and sturdy, were gentle as he lifted Bella's bleeding hand to his mouth and kissed the palm.
His lips were smooth against her skin, and his breath a wash of cool as her knees threatened to buckle. But he just brought Bella's other hand to his mouth and kissed it, too. Kissed it carefully—in a way that made heat begin pounding through her body, between her legs.
She blinked when he withdrew, a trace of her blood now on his lips. But when she glanced down, she saw the wound completely gone. When she finally looked at his face again, she saw a kindness Bella had never noticed before. And his eyes were not cold and colorless, but warm and alive as he spoke next, "Don't feel bad for a moment, about doing what brings you joy."
He stepped closer then, releasing one of her hands to tuck the rose she'd picked behind her ears. She had no idea how it had gotten into his fingers, or where the thorns had gone. But she remained dazed even as his fingers barely brushed the side of her ear before he retracted his hand slowly.
"Why—why care?" Another simple question, but she yearned to understand why she was being treated so well. Even when she was encouraged to spend her days with anything that pleased her, to know that Edward truly cared if shewas happy or not, was baffling. He leaned closer, so close that Bella had to tip her head back to see him.
"Because your human joy fascinates me. The way to experience things so fully, and intensely at the same time. You appreciate life in a way that my kind forgets to. And I'm drawn to it, even if I know I shouldn't be."
Because she was human, and she would grow old and—she didn't let any other thought pass as he came closer still. Bella thought he was going to kiss her but watched as he only brought her hand up to meet his mouth once more. He brushed his lips against the top of her knuckles, so soft and heartbreakingly gentle that it was hardly more than a caress before he straightened. She hadn't dared move from the moment his mouth met her skin.
"I know that I'm distant, gruff and sometimes harsh, but one day I will answer all your questions. You will have answers you desire, but only until the time is right. Until it is safe." In the dim light of the garden, his tone was enough to let Bella know that his eyes were flecked with bitterness.
He left her then, and it took a gasping breath for Bella to realize she had been holding it.
And also to realize that she craved his touch, his nearness, until he was gone.
A/N So don't be afraid to tell me what you think! Thanks for reading and reviewing as always :)