Author's notes: Here we are with the grand finale. (There's still an epilogue coming, though.) I've been personally replying to all of my reviews, but I want to give a public thank you as well to everyone who has reviewed. I won't lie: Even though Haruhi's Boyfriend has been more heavily reviewed than almost any Haruhi Suzumiya fic which has come out in the past five months or any fic which I've posted in the past six years, I was hoping for more reviews, but that just makes me appreciate the ones I got all the more. It's always good to hear what people are enjoying and what they aren't enjoying.

I've already got another major fic in the works in which Haruhi takes her relationship with Kyon in a direction he'll be even less comfortable with, but in the meantime I have a few one-shots to get out, starting with a chilling tale of terror – hopefully for readers, but definitely for me, when I checked the word count and found it was over 9,500! So I have some trimming to do on that one, since it is emphatically meant to be a short story, but you can expect to see it soon.

In the meantime, enjoy the conclusion.

Chapter 10: In which Kyon sets a new world record, and reflects a little on his performance

Haruhi and I didn't say a word to each other in class Monday morning.

That's not as big of a deal as it probably sounds. The last time we hadn't spoken to each other in class was when we had that big fight during the making of our movie, but it had happened on a couple occasions before that for no particular reason. Some days Haruhi just wasn't in a talking mood, and on some of those days I preferred silence to chatting with her. This was one of those days.

Alright, I was a bit scared to talk to her. Name one person who wouldn't be unnerved to find his girlfriend had carved their initials into solid concrete.

On Sunday it made it onto the local news. I was ready to thank every god of every religion that Haruhi used initials instead of our actual names. Death would have been preferable to that level of public exposure. The two of us being linked to a certified paranormal phenomenon could have been a problem, too. Haruhi might decide that the concrete inscription was a message from aliens that the two of us were meant to be together.

And I still couldn't make heads or tails of our Saturday phone conversation. The only way her attitude might have any consistency is if she really did want me to try to take her by force, to drag her away from rivals and care more about her saying "yes" than about her being happy, and I just couldn't believe that of Haruhi. Above all else, Haruhi was strong-willed. I just couldn't believe that her heart's desire in any way involved me pushing her around.

Which, as I said, left me nowhere as far as what went on in that conversation, and what the hell Haruhi wanted from me.

We didn't talk at the SOS Brigade meeting, either. I half-expected another overview of our latest date, but she just commented on my lateness when I came in and proceeded clicking and typing away at her computer.

As Miss Asahina poured me a cup of tea, I asked, "Have you any idea what she's up to?"

She smiled. By this time I had of course apologized to her for my unkind words on Wednesday. I was lucky that she wasn't the sort of woman to hold grudges. "Just browsing the internet for news of anything paranormal. She hasn't done that in a while, but it's nothing to be concerned about, I don't think."

"I see." I nodded, trying to think of anything that might give me a clue. "Did she say anything about me before I came in?"

Miss Asahina shook her head. "She never talks about you when you're not around." She moved on to Koizumi's cup.

Well, that made sense. Haruhi had grown more sociable during her stint at high school, but I was still the only one she turned to if she wanted to get something off her chest. Ordinarily that was the least of the headaches Haruhi gave me, but right then I'd have given a lot for her to have just one other confidant that I could leech info off of.

I glanced at her while I sipped my tea. She looked very intensely focused on her internet browsing. Her mood didn't seem angry, but it didn't invite conversation either. I decided to spare myself the trouble.

So that's how I got through two of my three appointed Haruhi encounters for the day painlessly. It wasn't until I stepped out of the SOS Brigade clubroom that I realized that by doing so, I had merely set up the third encounter to be extra painful. We had a date, and that meant I had to interact with her, like it or not.

I still put off saying anything until we actually got to the park. Haruhi looked sullen on the way over, almost like a child being forced to go to the dentist.

As we passed into the shade, I finally said, "So, what did I do to make you angry at me?" I couldn't think of a better way of broaching the subject than to talk as if it were no big deal.

"Who said I'm angry at you?" If she was playing it casual too, she was doing it a lot better than I was.

"Well, when I asked you out on this date, you yelled at me."

"I was in a bad mood."

"Was the park a bad idea for a date?"

"The park's fine. Get over yourself already. I can be in a bad mood without you having anything to do with it."

I wasn't sold that her attitude had nothing to do with our dating, but maybe it was time to broaden my net. "What is it that's bothering you, then?"

She sighed. "I'm just bored, you know?"

Well, you could try putting the band back together.

"I've been looking for exciting things to happen everywhere I can," she continued, oblivious to what I was thinking, "...but it all turns out ordinary and dull in the end."

"You're joking. In the past week I became your boyfriend, Takuma added obscene lyrics to your song, your band broke up, and a stranger cut in on our dancing claiming to be an alien, before knocking me down with one punch."

"Which would have been exciting if he really were an alien, the band had played any shows or made any albums, Takuma wasn't just obscene by nature, and you put any more than the bare minimum of enthusiasm and effort into being my boyfriend," she returned.

I stopped to lean against a tree. "There's no pleasing you, is there?"

"Excuse me?" She folded her arms and glared at me. "Are you really telling me that you think of yourself as some kind of model boyfriend?"

"That's not what I meant. Dull boyfriend or no, you've had more excitement this past week than most people see in a year. Don't you think maybe your standards are a little high?"

"Well, why shouldn't they be? Don't you think this whole world could use a lot more excitement? Why should I settle with whatever is handed to me no matter how little it is?"

"Well, because you'd be less easily bored."

"It's always the easy way out with you," she huffed, and started walking away. I jogged a few paces to catch up. "The world is too boring, and your solution is to be satisfied with less excitement. Pathetic. You haven't even bothered to do anything romantic since we got here. How is this date any different from us just talking in class?"

Well, I liked it that way. Talking with Haruhi about her thoughts and feelings directly was a lot better than any of the crazy things she made me do with her in general, and was certainly a lot better than pretending to be in love with her. But of course, I couldn't tell her that.

"Look, what's my motivation?" I said. "Like I told you on the phone, this isn't getting people interested in the SOS Brigade, and I've already learned all I want to know about high school dating. All that's left is the usual reason people go on dates, and you've made it clear that I don't stand a chance with you."

"Ugh, that's the most pathetic thing you've said yet. We're on our fourth date, and you've decided you have no chance just because I said you don't? That's like forfeiting a baseball game when you're four points ahead just because the other team says you're going to lose. If there were a guy I liked, and he asked me to be his girlfriend strictly for professional reasons, I'd recognize that as my 'in'. I'd go out with him, and use every move at my disposal until I had him wrapped around my little finger."

I wouldn't be so confident, considering by far your best move is to shut up and look beautiful. You need to learn when to give up. Still, since she's given me the go-ahead...

I reached down and took hold of her hand. She gave a sharp little intake of breath. "What's wrong?" I said. "You said I should do something romantic, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but... I didn't think you'd actually do it."

She squeezed my hand, as if to show me she wasn't afraid.

We walked in silence for... probably not even a minute, but it felt like a half hour. Haruhi may not have been scared, but I sure was. What was I thinking? Appeasing Haruhi's romantic ego isn't going to ever get me out of this, no matter what Koizumi says. At best, it delays disaster for a little while.

Okay, settle down. Yes, I'm holding Haruhi's hand, but she hasn't given any sign of wanting to take it further. In fact, she still looks bored. And it's just a girl's hand - nothing to be intimidated about. Maybe if it were Miss Asahina's hand, but this is just Haruhi.

I felt calmer. The warmth of her hand, her steps keeping pace with mine, actually started to feel peaceful.

"Let's try up here," she said, and scampered up the nearest tree limb.

"What are you doing?" And what do you mean, "Let's try"?

"What does it look like?" She sat down about five feet out along the branch. "Now stop asking stupid questions and get up here."

"No thank you. Also, climbing trees? You're how old now?"

"Get up here now, or I'll scream that you're looking up my skirt."

The park wasn't crowded, but there were enough people around to cause me extreme embarrassment if Haruhi carried out her threat, and I knew her too well to think she was bluffing. I sighed and climbed up. The limb shuddered under our combined weight, but Haruhi didn't flinch. I didn't, either – I froze.

"Come on," she said, grabbed hold of my elbow, and helped me the rest of the way up. Once we were both in our seats, the swaying of the branch slowed, which calmed me down.

I took hold of her hand again, this time not so much a conscious decision as simply picking up where we left on when we were walking on terra firma.

"See, isn't the view much better from up here?" she said.

I had to admit that it was. It wasn't so bad, just sitting up there holding hands. For all my fears about dating Haruhi, at that moment I could imagine worse fates.

"It's funny, though," I commented. "The higher you get, the more gravity seems to pull on you."

"What, and you let a little thing like that stop you from going where you want?"

"I would," I answered, "...if you'd let me."

The corners of her mouth turned up slightly; she seemed to take it as a compliment. Then I realized, belatedly, that it was a compliment.

That moment... It was quiet, and serene, and Haruhi seemed to be waiting for something to happen.

Quiet and serene, that is, except for the sharp knob of tree branch digging into my butt. It hadn't bothered me that much when I first sat down, but the longer I sat there, the further it seemed to dig into my flesh. Haruhi and the trunk didn't leave me much room to scootch, so I pushed myself up with my right arm, hoping to adjust myself so that the knob wouldn't jab into me. This maneuver incidentally leaned my face towards Haruhi. She looked at me, uncertain for a split second, but then she closed her eyes and tilted her head.

It dawned on me, to my horror, that she thought I was trying to kiss her.

What do I do? I can't possibly kiss that mouth in public! I don't even know how I brought myself to do it in closed space. But if I don't…

Haruhi will look at it as a rejection, and Haruhi doesn't deal well with not getting what she wants. She might create another Nagoshi. Or worse.

As I struggled over my dilemma, I stalled by inching myself closer, as if I were nervous and taking it slow. Closer, and closer, and I still couldn't think of what to do, and the fate of the world could be -

"I can't take this anymore!" Haruhi screamed in my face, and slid off the tree branch, landing neatly on the ground. "Dull, dull, DULL!"

She was already walking away. "Huh? Haruhi, wait!" She showed no sign of stopping, so I hastily hopped off the tree branch. My legs buckled under the force of the landing, making me fall onto my hands and knees, skinning my palms. "What…?"

She turned on me. "I can't do this anymore, Kyon. I held out as long as I could, but you're just the most boring boyfriend in the universe! Even when you make an effort, all you can come up with is tricks that were old when dinosaurs walked the Earth! It's over, okay? Over!"

With that, she stormed off, leaving me blushing with humiliation under the stares of the passers-by who had not failed to hear her loud tirade.

I should have felt better once that embarrassment wore off. The weight of being Haruhi's boyfriend had finally been lifted off my shoulders.

But as I walked to school the next day, all I kept thinking about was whether or not my entire relationship with Haruhi was over. That breakup had been fairly explosive. Maybe I would walk into homeroom to find that the seating was being changed again, this time with my desk not conveniently located next to Haruhi's - and for the first time, I realized that I didn't want that. As much of a pain as Haruhi was, she was a part of my life now, and I didn't know what to do with myself without her running everything. More importantly, life without Haruhi was life without Koizumi, Nagato, and Miss Asahina.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Taniguchi ran up behind me and slapped me on the back. "Hey hey, man, congratulations!"

"Huh?"

"You broke the record, man! Nine days! You were Suzumiya's boyfriend for nine whole days!"

Until Taniguchi mentioned it, I'd forgotten about that. The best I could manage was a grunt in response. I felt sick.

"Come on, leave him alone," Kunikada said. "Can't you see he was really hung up on Miss Suzumiya?"

"Annh, it's not like he didn't know ahead of time what he was getting into! Anyone who asks Haruhi Suzumiya out expecting a long-term relationship deserves whatever he gets. You knew she wasn't going to be your girlfriend for long, didn't you, Kyon? You told us so yourself!"

I sighed. "Yeah, I knew. It was never anything serious, Kunikada. I just wish she could have made the breakup a little less public."

"Oh yeah. Man, that was cold! Classic Suzumiya."

Just my luck that someone from North High would happen to be in the park at the time. Or maybe it was Haruhi. If she was thinking of breaking up with me on that date, even subconsciously, she might have drawn someone to us to act as a witness. Maybe she was angry at me after all, and wanted to hurt me.

But even that sounded like wishful thinking. Haruhi's breakup tirade had been loud, but it had not been even remotely emotional. Her words, her tone, her poise, all added up to the overall impression that I'd been nothing more than another short-lived diversion for her.

When I arrived in class, Haruhi was resting her jaw on her left wrist, staring out the window. Looking bored. She didn't budge when I took my seat in front of her. Or even blink, so far as I noticed.

"So," I tried, "...am I still in the SOS Brigade?"

"Of course you are," she muttered, sounding irritated at the question. "Why wouldn't you be?"

I felt a wave of relief. "Well, you broke up with me yesterday, didn't you?"

"I thought I made it clear. You being my boyfriend has nothing to do with the SOS Brigade or anything else."

"That is what you said, but -"

"But what? Are you trying to say that I would say one thing and do another?"

You know what? I'm going to let that one pass. Too easy.

"By the way, I've got a few things to sort out after school, so I'll probably be late to the meeting. I might not even show up at all."

"Alright." I put a hand to my jaw. "You're not angry with me at all?"

"Why would I be angry with you? If anything, you should be angry with me. I broke up with you, after all."

She sounded like she wanted an actual response from me, but I was too distracted by the fact that Haruhi had just admitted to a logical reason for someone to be angry with her to come up with anything.

"You don't seem very happy for a man who just got exactly what he wanted," Koizumi observed, placing his piece and flipping over two others.

"Nnn," I grunted, picking up one of my pieces. "Just feeling one or two regrets. I am relieved it's over. It's just... Call me an egomaniac, but I'd gotten to like the idea that I was special to Haruhi, even if I don't like Haruhi herself. So it's a little disillusioning that when I date her, I end up being just another in her long string of short-lived boyfriends."

Koizumi chuckled. "Well, I wouldn't get disillusioned on that front. She may have decided against dating you for the time being, but Miss Suzumiya's feelings towards you are unchanged."

"What makes you so sure of that?" I placed my piece and started flipping.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cell phone. But it wasn't his phone. "She let me borrow this for the day. I told her that one of my relatives is in the hospital and I forgot my phone at home." He pushed a few buttons and held it up to show me.

And there they were. The photos of me feeding Haruhi tacos.

I didn't know what to say. Koizumi prompted, "She said she deletes any boyfriend photos she has whenever she breaks up with them, didn't she?"

"So? Maybe she hasn't gotten around to it yet. From the time we broke up to the time you borrowed her phone, it's been less than twenty-four hours."

"I think we both know that when Miss Suzumiya gets an idea in her head, she acts on it promptly."

"I think we both also know that if there is one thing her behavior isn't, it's consistent. Besides, maybe she was lying about deleting boyfriend photos."

"That would just raise the question of why she lied. A question with a fairly obvious answer." He smiled as he returned the phone to his pocket. "Let's just take it as read that Haruhi kept these pictures because they capture a happy moment with someone very special to her."

"Nnngh." Okay, it was a nice thought, but did it have to be the taco-feeding? Why not photos of us… um... talking about that awful movie, or... sitting in a tree... Dammit. "That just makes me I wish I had put more effort into our dating while it lasted. Being Haruhi's boyfriend isn't my idea of a pleasant experience, but it's an experience I probably won't have a second time. I could have gotten a few worthwhile memories out of it. Instead, all I have is a walk in the park, feeding Haruhi tacos, a really bad kiss, and equally bad dancing."

"Well, sometimes life gives you a second chance."

"And sometimes one chance is all you get."

"That's true." He took a piece and made his move. "We must always keep an eye out for important opportunities. They can slip by without us ever noticing or appreciating them."

"Sort of like how you just overlooked that opportunity to secure an entire row?"

"Hmm?" He looked at the board, and his eyebrows suddenly lifted. "Well, will you look at that..."

"Too late." I placed one of my pieces, permanently securing the row for myself.

He chuckled. "Point well made." He fingered his next piece as he studied the board. "But you mustn't lay all the blame upon yourself. Miss Suzumiya must learn to enjoy the ordinary things in life. After all, consider the consequences if she does not."

"Which are?"

"Well, by definition, the ordinary is simply that which happens often in one's life. For example, to one who is not a member of the SOS Brigade, one high school girl forcing another to change into a maid costume is exceptional and bizarre. But to us, it is routine and ordinary. This means that Miss Suzumiya's desire to have her life be nothing but exciting and exceptional events can never be obtained, in this world or any other. Once something wonderful and exciting starts happening all the time, it becomes ordinary. If Miss Suzumiya does not realize that that does not make it less wonderful or exciting, then there is nothing that will not bore her once she makes it commonplace. She could destroy the world and recreate it, over and over, each time filling it with a new set of exciting things, only for them to become ordinary and dull to her, prompting her to destroy the world again. The cycle would only end when her imagination runs out of possibilities, leaving her with only an eternity of boredom and emptiness."

"A very bleak picture," I remarked. "Especially for you. I thought your opinion was that all of Haruhi's problems would be solved by me telling her I love her."

"Well, it's something I'd like to see happen. But I am a realist. The amount of good love can do for Miss Suzumiya depends entirely on how much value she places on love and the things lovers do with each other and for each other. If she deems them boring, then they are worthless to her." He set his piece down upon the board.

I stared at the board for a moment, not really able to concentrate on it. A thought had taken hold of my mind.

That thought was interrupted by a banging at the clubroom door. It was clear from the tone of the banging that it was not a fist knocking against the door.

Miss Asahina was already up, so she answered the door. On the other side was Haruhi, carrying a stack of ten books. "Good news, everyone! I've found a -" She stopped there. "Mikuru! Why aren't you wearing your maid outfit?"

Miss Asahina quivered. "W-w-well, Kyon said you probably weren't coming today, s-so..."

"You listened to that idiot? And what does my being here have to do with it, anyway? I don't have you wear that outfit for my own benefit."

She cringed and wrung her hands. Why can't Haruhi let that poor girl have one day's break from wearing demeaning outfits?

"But never mind," our general continued. "We have important things to plan today. We can discuss your punishment later." She set the books on the table. "Yuki, get over here too! I have reading material for all of us!"

So we finally have a club activity that Nagato can have a genuine interest in?

Distributing the books equally among the five of us, Haruhi commented, "Koizumi, you work on dragons... Mikuru, you tackle succubi... Yuki, you'll be our expert on golems... Kyon, you've got zombies... and I'll take care of griffins."

I glanced at the books she'd given me: Zombies Through the Ages and Zombies: Magic, Myth, and Mystery. Terrific. Would you explain what we're doing? Why are you giving us books on the mythological creatures you think each of us most resembles?

"We're going to design the most fantastical, unique, and fearsome monster we can come up with, and then we're going to build the costume for it! It's going to be an amalgamation of some of the best monsters in existence, so we've got to read up on them!"

That raised the question of what the costume was for, but I decided to keep my mouth shut. I had a feeling it had to do with the sequel to our movie, and for the moment I wanted to just take in the relief that Haruhi was indeed still normal in spite of our breakup. Normal Haruhi was nothing to be happy about, but I had come to fear that any sudden change would be far worse.

We all sat and read together for a while. Eventually Haruhi got up, announced she was going home, and admonished us to get plenty of reading done by the next meeting.

As she closed the door behind her, my thought from earlier resurfaced. "...we must always keep an eye out for important opportunities. They can slip by without us ever noticing or appreciating them."

I'd allowed one opportunity to pass me by, but there was still a chance I could seize this one. I grabbed my things together, hurried out the clubroom, and caught up to Haruhi in the hall.

As I came up beside her, I said, "Yo."

She glanced at me. "What?"

"Can I walk part of the way home with you? I have a couple things I want to say to you."

"Sounds like a speech." She sighed. "Go ahead."

I took a deep breath to rally my courage. "I haven't been totally honest with you these past few days." She shot me a look. "And I want to be honest with you. It's very important that you can trust me. I can't really explain why, but it is. So all the things I lied about, I'm going to tell the truth to you about now.

"I never wanted to be your boyfriend. That was a misunderstanding, and once it started I was afraid I'd hurt your feelings if I told you the truth. I know now that you completely hated dating me, but I didn't realize that then. So I really was serious about wanting you to break up with me. That's also why I pretended to be jealous of Nagoshi. The real reason I wanted to get you away from him was because I thought he might be dangerous.

"And I think it's only fair to let you know that dating you was a lot more fun than I thought it would be." I know what you're thinking, but this was actually true. Looking back, there were even a few moments where I'd enjoyed myself. Which wasn't to say that the experience as a whole was pleasant by any stretch of the imagination. "You know how to have fun, and it's easy to talk to you, even on a date. If you didn't always act so hostile and weird at school, you'd get a lot more guys asking you out. And maybe one of them would even turn out to not be boring."

We passed through the school doors and stepped outside. As I stiffened at the cold air, it struck me that Haruhi still hadn't interrupted me, which was encouraging.

"Anyway, it's something to think about," I continued. "I also wanted to talk with you about the band. If you want us to work on this monster project instead, we'll do it, but I think you should get the band going again. You're too talented to not give it a real shot. People should be hearing you on radio stations and in packed stadiums. I know I haven't been doing your music justice with my bass playing, but I promise to practice this time if you give the band another shot. I wouldn't mind you tutoring me again, either."

Haruhi finally spoke up: "And who did you have in mind for drummer?"

If she really wanted them to be, even Koizumi or Miss Asahina could be as phenomenal a drummer as Nagato was a guitarist. But what would Haruhi learn from having a band comprised entirely of herself and her personal slaves? So I said: "Takuma, of course. He still wants to be in the band; he just got fed up with you treating him like dirt. Just start respecting his opinions, use one or two of his suggestions, and at least talk about possibly changing the band's name, and he'll happily follow your lead. I know you can do it. All you have to do is show your band members the respect you showed ENOZ when you played with them.

"Look, just talk to him. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. You'll have to make one or two compromises, but that doesn't make you any less the leader of the band. The opposite, really. Making tough decisions is the most important part of being a leader."

We walked in silence for a moment. Then she said, "Are you done?"

"Yes."

"Good." Her tone could have withered an oak tree.

So, I suppose my words had fallen upon deaf ears.

She breathed on her hands to warm them. "Out of curiosity, why didn't you want to be my boyfriend?"

"It's just," I shrugged, "...that's not what our relationship is, you know?"

It was true, though a bit of a dodge, and my wanting to be honest with Haruhi didn't mean I had to insult her to her face.

"I see. I didn't realize you were so bent on keeping your relationships neatly categorized." She smiled. "By the way, dating you was more fun than I expected, too. At least you weren't shy all the time, or always trying to make a move on me, like the other boys I've dated. It was really only towards the end that I got bored."

I was glad that I hadn't angered her or hurt her feelings by telling the truth about my being her boyfriend, though I was hardly surprised by it. But as for not being shy or always trying to make a move, Haruhi? That's only because I'm not attracted to you. If it were Miss Asahina I were dating, I'd have been both those things.

After our paths diverged and we said our "See you tomorrow"s, I made a little detour on my way home to see if the "H + K" was still written in the sidewalk, or if Haruhi's subconscious had erased it.

It was still there.

But it no longer frightened me. Koizumi had overlooked a subtle but important distinction - ironically, more or less the same one he'd had to point out to me when I became Haruhi's boyfriend. Haruhi's mood wasn't a function of my level of desire to be her boyfriend; it was a function of my level of desire to spend time with her. That, too, was probably the reason she had created Nagoshi. She didn't want a boyfriend per se, just someone who would want to spend time with her more than anything else. While I couldn't return the feelings she had for me, I could satisfy her by giving her some small measure of what she wanted.

I thought that marked the end of this particular chapter of my misadventures with Haruhi Suzumiya. The issue of the band was still hanging, but I felt confident that I'd done the right thing. If Haruhi got the band back together, then I would gladly endure all the struggles that would entail for the satisfaction of bringing her and Nagato's exceptional musical talents to the world. If she didn't, well, then I'd done the best I could.

As I sat down at my desk Wednesday morning, Haruhi flashed me a proud grin. "Hey, Kyon! Wait till today's meeting. I've got a big announcement that I know you're going to love."

"Why not just tell me now?"

"Because it's a surprise! You've got to let the anticipation build!"

I feel something building, but I'm pretty sure it's not anticipation... "Alright. So you're not bored anymore?"

"Definitely not!"

Well, at least she was happy.

I had a bit of difficulty concentrating during classes, possessed as I was by thoughts of what announcement Haruhi was going to make. Had she gotten the band back together? Perhaps, but my instincts said no. It was more likely something to do with the purpose of the monster project, or some horrible new thing that I couldn't even imagine. Not that that stopped me from trying to imagine it.

During lunch, while I was sitting eating with Taniguchi and Kunikada, Takuma popped his head into my classroom and gave me a thumbs up.

So. I guess Haruhi got the band back together after all. Well done, Haruhi. Deep down, I didn't think you could do it even if you tried. I thought your pride would get in the way of reasoning with Takuma.

Takuma still disgusted me, but I managed to give him a weak smile and return the thumbs up. He laughed at me in response, in the manner of a womanizer laughing at a cuckold, and moved on down the hall before I could figure out how to react.

Creep.

I reminded myself that the annoyance of having to put up with his disgusting manner would be balanced off by the delight of seeing Miss Asahina and Haruhi in their band costumes. And come to think of it, hadn't Haruhi said she was making one for Nagato as well? I confess I was interested to see that.

Somehow I got through the rest of the classes without my speculations commanding too much of my brain's attention, and made my way to the SOS Brigade clubroom.

I was the last to arrive. As I stepped inside, Haruhi shot to her feet. "Finally! All right, everyone, take your seats! I have an important announcement to make!"

Ms. Asahina and I were the only ones not already sitting. I took a seat at the table, tapping my finger in anticipation of the big reveal.

"Actually, I have two big piece of news to share..." she began, laying a finger to her chin in thought. Then she smiled. "I'll start with the one most relevant to the brigade. The SOS Brigade Band has reunited, and we're starting rehearsals back up tomorrow!"

"That's great," I said, cutting Koizumi off before he could make his usual sycophantic congratulations. "So you persuaded both Nagato and Takuma to come back?" I couldn't help but retain just a tiny amount of doubt. If Haruhi had really pulled this off, she was a more adaptable person than I'd given her credit for.

"Of course I did!" she boasted, fists at her hips like an action figure. "Takuma may be a stubborn mule, but a good leader is well versed in the use of the carrot and the stick! I agreed to use his suggestions in a few of my songs, and said I'd consider his design for his own stage costume. It'll be a while before I get through designing Yuki's and your costumes anyway, so this could save some time. He promised to let me make the final call, and not write me any more obscene lyrics, so I let him back in the band!"

Well, that sounded good. She'd actually made a couple compromises, making it less likely that she and Takuma would just start feuding again. But... "What about Nagato? Did you ask her to rejoin the band?"

Haruhi frowned. "Why would I need to do that? Yuki's a member of the SOS Brigade! That means she does what I say!"

I sighed, wearily resting my face in my palm. "You could at least tell her directly that you want her in the band. Haven't you considered that her feelings might have been hurt when you kicked her out?"

"Fine, fine. Yuki, you're back in the band. Because I want you playing for us."

Unlike the rest of us, Nagato was not seated at the table, but in her usual spot. She did not look up from her book. "Nagato, did you hear Haruhi?" I prompted.

"I did," Nagato said. She looked up at Haruhi. "Thank you."

Dammit, I didn't mean for you to thank her... Oh, what's the use?

"You're welcome," Haruhi said. "Now, if there are no further questions, let's move on to my second piece of news. I have another boyfriend!"

Naturally, the applause which followed was not quite as enthusiastic as it was for last week's boyfriend announcement. I was pleased, though. Even if it was bound to last only a few days, it would be a welcome reprieve for me, and a small step towards some normal social interaction for Haruhi.

"Thank you." She looked directly at me and smiled. "But, I have to give credit where it's due! Kyon told me he wanted the band back together, and that started me thinking about how to make it happen. He also suggested I'd have more excitement dating someone else. I don't know if he's right about that... but well, when Takuma asked me, I thought, why not give it one more shot? So, in a way, we owe both these pieces of exciting news to Kyon too."

Koizumi and Miss Asahina politely clapped, and I blushed with modesty. Well, grudging it may have been, but it's nice that Haruhi is finally giving me some small recognition for all the things I've done for the brigade. All the... Wait a second.

Did she just...?

"Excuse me," I said to Haruhi. "Did you just mention Takuma when you were talking about getting another boyfriend? I didn't quite catch..."

"Right, Takuma's my new boyfriend."

...this is a nightmare, isn't it? Any second, I'm going to wake up in a cold sweat...

"After I agreed to let him back in the band, he popped the question. He probably got the wrong idea about my reasons for wanting him back, but since you'd just been talking to me about getting another boyfriend, it was a little too serendipitous to say no."

Wake up. Wake up. Guys like Takuma do not get girlfriends. Especially not militaristic nutcases like Haruhi Suzumiya. It's too disgusting for reality.

"I gave him one condition, though. I said I'd only be his girlfriend if he helped me practice my kissing technique. You said I needed work on that, right?"

Oh, this is getting way beyond disgusting. I'm going to be sick.

Haruhi turned the discussion back to her plans for the band, but I wasn't paying much attention. I was busy trying to blot out the mental image of Haruhi and Takuma in a lip-lock.

I said in the beginning that this past month, I'd been bringing about my own misfortunes through my stupid mistakes. I think that now you can probably guess what the worst of those mistakes was.