Chapter 10

The question she asked in a quiet voice let him know that he needed to answer this question with all of the truth he could handle because his future depended on it. He didn't want her to know how badly he had pined for her in his life after he went back to Carly but he also didn't want her to believe she didn't mean anything to him, "It was easier. That is probably the best and worst explanation I can give you Alexis. You made me stop; you made me want to be better. So much so that when the time came I didn't know how to continue to make you proud, Carly never asked anything of me. She didn't expect much and it was easier to fall back into old patterns than to face the fact that I might have to change to be with you."

Alexis sighed sadly as she pulled the folder off the table and stood up, "Thanks for breakfast and your help with the arrangements."

Sonny looked at her and said, "You don't have anything to say Alexis?"

Alexis looked back at him, "What is there to say Sonny that hasn't already been said? I do appreciate you telling me the truth, I always wonder if you viewed me as damaged or something because of everything I went through at the Cassadine's hands. Maybe I was too needy, too emotional I didn't know but it made me second guess everything I thought I knew about myself. It made me second-guess me, you were that one who saw so deeply into me that I didn't know where you started and I begin that when it happened I wondered what I had done."

Sonny heard the hurt behind her words and ached to ease the pain resident in her eyes, "Alexis, it was never you. Please understand that."

Walking to the door she placed her hand on the knob as she looked at him, "It was always about me Sonny don't you understand that? I wasn't enough for you and with everything I felt for you not being enough for you wasn't being enough for me. There isn't any other explanation that made sense to me at the time."

Sonny ran up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders grateful that she didn't pull away although knowing he should, he pressed his cheek against hers, "I never felt worthy of you, at times I still don't. You have always been out of my league but you were never the problem Alexis please understand that. I was a fool and even if it's too late for us, I need you to know that I will always regret not staying and fighting like the man you saw in me for us."

Kissing her cheek he stepped back even as the stiffness she had adapted melted from her shoulders as she walked out of the door without looking back.

&&&&-Break

Alexis walked into her house emotionally exhausted from her truth telling session with Sonny. She had gotten answers to questions that she thought she would take with her to the grave. She smiled at the sight she saw when she walked in, James was playing on the floor with Kristina flanked on one side and Sam on the other with Molly happily clapping her hands in his lap.

"Welcome home, Ms. Davis."

She smiled at James and felt the same ease that she always did when she was with him settle over her chest like a warm blanket and wondered if this was enough to live out her days, love had already cost her too much. Maybe she was destined to be with someone where love wasn't a factor but companionship and familiarity was the only ingredients needed to be happy.

Setting her purse down, she sat in the chair as she watched her girls happily play with the new friend in her life. Sam rose up off the floor and said, "How was chemo?"

Alexis looked up and said, "Chemo was chemo. How were the girls?"

Sam motioned to her sisters and said, "They were wonderful, Cruz was over to see you but he ended up playing with Molly for awhile and then James came over but they were both wonderful."

Alexis smiled as she listened to the play-by-play of her girls day and said, "So it sounds like you've had a busy morning, how is Cruz? Was there something more about the case?"

Sam nodded but then motioned that they needed to speak outside, she looked pointedly at James who said, "Feel free to go and discuss what you need to in private."

Alexis smiled gratefully at him as she followed her daughter out onto the porch and said, "So tell me what did Cruz tell you about Ric?"

Sam sighed and said, "The supposedly unmarked gun was traced back to Sonny Mom. Ric got the gun from Sonny."

&&&&-Break

"How close are you to getting an antidote?"

Sonny barged into Wyndemere like there was a pack of dogs attacking his heels. Robin raised an eyebrow as he walked over to the wet bar and poured himself a drink and said, "How long Robin?"

Robin leaned back from taking Nikolas's temperature and said, "We should have some results this week. Why is there something we need to discuss?"

Sonny gulped his drink down in one gulp as he looked at them and said, "Alexis is in danger if we don't put this bastard away. He's inched his way into her world until he manipulates her time completely."

Nikolas who had been lying in a resting position on the couch snorted in disbelief as he raised his head and said, "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? That's what you used to do to Alexis all the time remember? You manipulated her time until she was completely devoted to you and everything that was you even forsaking her Cassadine duties because you said that you needed her."

Sonny scowled as he looked at Alexis's nephew and said, "Look you were the one who asked me for help not the other way around remember?"

Robin looked at the two of them and said, "Will someone let me on what is going on here? All I'm hearing is that Sonny's concerned about Alexis."

Nikolas smiled at his friend, "Sonny is more than concerned about Alexis, he's jealous. Robin, James Craig is doing to Alexis what he did to my aunt 6 years ago."

Sonny swore under his breath, "There is a big difference; I cared about your Aunt."

Nikolas rolled his eyes, "Cared about her so much that you knocked her up and then left her to run back to Carly who did nothing but make my aunt, your supposed best friend's life a living hell? Please, you didn't care about her."

Sonny tightened his grip on the glass, "I love her Nikolas."

The simple words spoken with such meaning had Nikolas stop in his tracks and shake his head, "You can't love her Sonny. You don't get to; I called you in on this because I know that you can be cold blooded where my aunt is concerned. It's almost to an end and then you can go back to pretending she never existed."

Sonny felt the rage rise in his throat, "I love her Nikolas. I always have, I was just too chicken to admit it, because it would've required me to change and I didn't want to because I was scared but being with her these last couple of weeks, having her in my arms…," as his voice trailed off he didn't realize that Nikolas was already rising off the couch even while Robin restrained him.

After ensuring that Nikolas wasn't in a position to cause World War III in the living room she turned to Sonny and said, "Sit down Sonny, we need to talk. What really happened between you and Alexis? What made her love you and then hate you?"

Sonny opened his mouth to begin when Nikolas interrupted, "I'll tell you exactly what happened Robin, he used my Aunt. My aunt went through hell in her childhood, hell she's a Cassadine what do you expect? She went through hell in her childhood and the only thing that kept her alive all those years was my Uncle Stefan, they were distanced and that loyalty, that love and that trust was just waiting to be given to someone. For some reason she could never give that love to Ned, I don't know why especially considering Ned loved her back just as intensely but she couldn't. Sonny became her client, then her friend and then her everything. He kept her dangling while he was deciding whether or not he wanted to go through another round with Carly and then he dropped her. Dropped her in a manner that her heart shattered, I don't know if I've ever seen her that broken."

Robin looked at Sonny who's face had grown tenser with each moment as Nikolas expounded on what his version of the events were and then wondered if there was any truth to what was being said, she didn't have to wait long because Sonny nodded, "He's right. I helped destroy Alexis and god help me it wasn't until all of this crap started happening that I realized how wrong I was, but hear this Nikolas, I have a chance to win her back. I'm not going to waste it; I want her back in my life, for good this time."

&&&&-Break

Sitting on the porch at the beach house had seemed like a good idea at the time but she didn't want to think of the cold chill that was coming off from the beach or her daughters sleeping inside oblivious to the turmoil in her heart even after James left recognizing that they needed to be alone to discuss family business. She heard the door open but even without speaking said, "What do I do with this information?"

Sam smiled as she realized that her mother had automatically expected her to come outside and comfort her, she started to feel that thread of emotion that she had been bonding with her mother strengthen everyday, "What do you want to do with it?" Closing the door behind her she leaned against the railing as she watched her mother sip her tea and said, "Sonny didn't put the gun in Ric's hands you know. I mean with as deranged as Ric was towards the end he probably broke into the warehouse…"

Alexis nodded and shrugged, "I don't doubt it. I need to know what I do with Sonny."

Sam looked at her mother in confusion, "Why do you have to do anything with Sonny?"

Alexis looked into her teacup as she pondered whether she should tell her daughter everything that happened with Sonny as of late, "We almost made love when I went to discuss Ric's funeral program with him."

Sam's mouth fell open like a fish and Alexis was quick to lean over and shut it close, "Mom! I mean how could you?"

Alexis closed her eyes as she gathered her knees under her and said, "It's hard not to fall back into old patterns. I loved the man with all of my heart you know? At one time, I considered spending my whole life with this man apart from what everyone warned me was correct and safer. He was in my heart and I didn't know any different."

Sam nodded, "Do you still want Sonny?"

Alexis shrugged as she stood up, not wanting to focus on her train of thoughts as she voiced, "I never not wanted Sonny Sam he was the one he decided he didn't want me," crossing her arms in front of her she looked at her daughter, "I just can't do this with him again. I can't give my whole heart for him to break. No matter how much he means to me, I won't do that to myself again. I just can't."

Sam nodded as she patted her mother on the hand and said, "Mom I understand. Thanks for letting me in, I know this is a sensitive subject for you."

The haunted look in her mother's eyes didn't vanish and Sam came to a decision about what she needed to do to ensure that that look stayed far away from her mother's eyes.

Next Morning

James smiled as Alexis waved him over to her and the girls who were currently playing by the side of the beach and said, "What are the lovely Davis women doing in this sun?"

Alexis smiled at him as she stood up while cradling Molly on her hip and gave him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek, "We were just playing outside enjoying this wonderful sun. What are you doing here?"

James shrugged as he sat down on the lawn and started playing with the baby in her lap, "How are you doing today, and I mean of everything Alexis? I know that these last couple of days has been anything but tranquil and with your cancer I got concerned and decided to come see you…"

Alexis smiled softly touched by the concern she heard evident in his voice, touching his hand softly, "These days have been hard, but they have been especially easier to deal with you having you by my side. I haven't had a chance to ask you about the business that brought you to Port Charles in the first place, how are the negotiations going with Nikolas?"

James flinched inwardly curious if she was genuinely curious or if her nephew had ratted him out, looking in her eyes he didn't see anything that would alert him to a difference in her tone with him, noting none he answered easily, "The contract negotiations are moving along smoothly, our business should be finished sometime next week."

Alexis looked down as she turned her attention back to her daughter Kristina who was playing cautiously at the edge of the beach and said, "I'll be one person sorry to see you leave Port Charles."

James felt a rush of emotion listening to the sad twinge to her voice, touching her shoulder softly he moved in to press a gentle kiss to her cheek but was pleasantly surprised when she moved her head and met her lips with his in a soft, sweet kiss. Touching his face softly she pulled back with a smile even as she heard a voice behind her clear their throat.

Blushing she looked behind her to see her nephew looking at her with something akin to horror.

&&&&-Break

After dropping the boys back at Carly's house he had noticed that the once pain in his heart that was resident at the thought of leaving his family was no longer there. Instead there was a great sadness that the family he had created with Carly hadn't been strong enough to withstand all obstacles. He knew now he wanted something different, something his heart was longing for, but he didn't know how to obtain.

Alexis.

Alexis and his girls.

He wanted the whole package damn it and he was crazy enough to admit that wanting something didn't mean that you would get it. In this case especially it was a sure bet, you wouldn't get it. He had waited too late to evaluate what Alexis truly meant in his life and now that he had knew what she meant to him he was going to lose her. If he didn't lose her when he stole her away from James Craig he was going to lose her when she found out why he had been so adamant about them not being together in the first place. For a man who didn't like to lose he was placed in a losing position.

The knock on the door infuriated him because he had left explicit instructions with all of his bodyguards and staff that he was not to be disturbed. Crossing over to the door he yanked it open with a rough, "What?"

The whirlwind that pushed her way into the den was the last person he expected to see but when she turned on him and held up her hand to slap him he was quicker than her and caught her hand mid-air, "Sam it's certainly nice to see you. How can I help you?"

Sam yanked her hand out of his grasp as she spat out, "I want you to leave my mother alone or so help me god Sonny Corinthos, I'll shoot you."

Done for the day, back to writing.... Thoughts please! :)