And now a father-to-son talk from the author: Now, Timmy, you may be wondering about what you saw last night. Well, you see, when a man and a woman love each other very much...oh, right, the story. To my loyal fans, thank you for your support and excellent reviews. I try to update weekly, but things tend to delay such updates (often my own laziness). This week, I was nearly thwarted by my own sickly body, which crapped out on me both times I tried to go to school (and failed less then an hour in). Fortunately, I'm beginning to feel better, however little. Today's chapter bears influence from Futurama, particularly the episodes with the giant brains. I have tried to give it my own touch so it doesn't seem like a complete rip-off. Enjoy the chapter, and bid me well on my recovery. Now, where was I? Ah yes, when a man and a woman love each other...
Disclaimer: Nagaru Tanigawa is the original creator of Haruhi Suzumiya and all associated characters. Got that? Good. I'd hate for you to have an 'accident'.
Chapter 10: Cerebral Trauma
I don't think I'll ever get used to this dimensional travel business. Every time, there's some new sight in all this that makes me tremble with fear. As I go through my current vortex, there are gunshots, screaming and roaring all around. Damn it, if I am becoming a slider, I'd better learn how to control it soon, because I sure as shit don't want to visit any of the worlds I'm HEARING now.
Note the emphasis on hearing. After all the horrible crap I've seen so far, I'm thinking it's best to go through this with my eyes closed. Last time I opened them, I saw someone being carried off by his entrails. What was dragging him by his guts, I couldn't see and didn't. Hopefully this will help you understand my decision never to LOOK into the vortex again.
Finally, at long last, my exit arrived as I left the vortex to enter…where the hell is this? Uh, how to describe it…LSD hallucination? Hold on, this place looks a lot like the classroom after Asakura trapped me in it and tried to kill me. Or rather, the space outside the classroom. I was standing (or rather, collapsed, given my exit) on nothing. Everything was a swirling palette of colour and patterns that shifted constantly. For the time being, it was all a calm, ambient blue, rippling like the ocean.
That's when they found me.
"Interesting…we appear to have a visitor from another universe," said a voice exactly like Koizumi's, though more intellectual and…superior? It wasn't a smug sort of superior, more like that of the scientist observing the rat as it navigates his twisted maze.
"That's hardly interesting!" scoffed a voice like mine, but with the similar qualities that Koizumi's possessed. "Do you know how many interdimensional visitors we get on a regular basis?"
Finally, I decided to look up from my current position sprawled on the 'floor' at the denizens of this world. My body instantly filled with regret and demanded I look down again. I was face to brain with…well, just that, a brain. A giant, floating brain. Not that neither of them noticed my shock…they continued their argument, though in a somewhat smart fashion.
"I'm well aware of the visitors we get annually…they have a 57% rate of arrival," said 'Koizumi'. "But each one comes from a different world of unique properties. Therefore, they are viable to be of interest as we do not yet know all about them. And it is our goal to know all." No enthusiasm. No boredom. All I detected in his voice was cool, calculating logic.
"Maybe so, but you've always been an optimistic one, Koizumi," replied my…uh…brain. "In order to gather the best results, one must maintain an unbiased opinion on the subject matter." My 'brain' looked down at me (as much as I could tell…he tilted downward towards me) and regarded my presence. "Upon further examination, you may be right Koizumi," said my 'brain', with a light level of intrigue, but otherwise maintaining a cool and untainted demeanour. "Based on analysis of his brain patterns, this hominid appears to be my alternate counterpart."
"Yeah…so it seems…" I replied. Pulling myself off the ground, the brains regarded me with…well, I couldn't tell. A person's eyes, body language and facial expression are good at conveying emotion. When you strip it down to the brain, that ability is lost due to the lack of anything to express with save the wrinkly, soft flesh and (in this case) the voice.
"Welcome, Kyon," said my 'brain'. "I understand that you are developing the abilities of a slider. Now you're thinking 'how'd he know that?' and 'he can read my thoughts?'. Your brain waves are not that hard to analyse. I can tell what you think before you even speak." Well, that- "Sort of defeats the purpose of speaking, correct?" he rudely interrupted.
"Perhaps we should let him verbally communicate his thoughts," suggested brain-Koizumi. "It would be most comfortable for him if he could express himself in a familiar manner…plus it may provide interesting research value."
"Yes…RESEARCH VALUE…" said 'me' in an ominous tone. "Oh, don't worry, we all use that tone when it comes to science. Makes it sound interesting." I don't think I'll ever get used to this mind reading. "Come…we shall take you to the others."
When he said 'take you to the others', I didn't think a worm hole would be involved. No walking, no hovering along, not even a ride on one of the brains would've been as strange. Well, at least I think I'm in one piece. Let me check…yep. Genitalia still attached to appropriate position.
"Worry not about your reproductive organs," said brain-'me'. "Our calculations of dimensional travel are hyper precise." Thank you, dickless. At least you don't have to worry about being able to pee properly.
Before us were three other brains who I correctly assumed were Haruhi, Nagato and Asahina-san. Not that I can tell them apart-all brains have a tendency of looking the same. Once again, these brain versions of the SOS Brigade had an intellectual and analytic tone.
"A humanoid Kyon…interesting," noted Haruhi-brain. They must have hyper-communication abilities or some shit…I don't know, anything's possible here. "That is correct," replied Haruhi-brain. "We are capable of telepathic communication over great distances. How else do you think we have been able to communicate with you whilst lacking a vocal projector organ?"
"Don't confuse him," said Koizumi-brain. "Am I correct in assuming there are humanoid versions of ourselves in your world?"
"Yeah," I said. "Though, trust me, you guys seem very different…although…"
"To answer your question, I am Nagato and that is Asahina," said Nagato-brain, answering my question before it had a chance to be voiced. "My apologies-I did not mean to cause you any annoyance." Well, reading my thoughts isn't helping much.
"Sorry, Kyon," said Asahina-brain. "But I'm afraid we pick up thoughts in much the same way you pick up sounds and smells. It's unavoidable unless you disable the sense in question, which in our case would require our immediate termination. And we wouldn't want that-would we?" She hovered right up to my face when she said the last bit.
"Ye-yeah…" I stuttered. "No…no killing anyone, alright?"
"Ha. Please, we wouldn't go killing our guest," assured Haruhi-brain, which oddly enough worked, despite it being Haruhi. "While we have dissected numerous beings that came through here, you're perfectly safe, and all the creatures we dissect are put back together without trouble anyway."
"Moving on," I said, trying to get the conversation on a different track. "Where am I?"
"This is the space between spaces," explained Koizumi-brain. "Whenever something has a dimensional journey to this area, we examine it then send it on its way. As you can see, it is a strange and alien place. In truth, we brains could shape whatever we want out of this dimensional fabric, but we like the constantly shifting background, so we don't do much 'building'."
"A new factor has come to my attention," stated Nagato. "This Kyon appears to be developing the abilities of a slider. However, his control of it is unstable and limited at best. Might I recommend we help him gain more control over his abilities?"
"Interesting," said Kyon-Brain, thoughtfully. "This world is the perfect spot to perfect your slider abilities. When completed, you'd be able to go to wherever you wished! Though, further tempering and control would have to be done in your own time, as human behaviour would likely prevent a perfect run."
"Are you going to show me how to control this dimensional jumping or what?" I asked, impatiently. I'd like to finish this as quickly as possible. Sure, these are exotic places, but it's not exactly like Venice.
"Behold!" announced Haruhi. Before me was a black box with white ripples echoing across the surfaces, both inside and out. It was large enough to accommodate myself while standing. A good few metres away was another box of the same properties, but with the colour inverted. By now, the 'weather' had gone from blue ripples to swirls of red and yellow.
"Alright, here's the plan," began Kyon-brain. "The first rule of sliding is to think of your objective then think of going there. Look at the white box." I did. I soaked in every little, tiny detail of that box. "Now that you have your objective in mind, step into the black box and think about going to the white box. If successful, you should be completely transported from the black box to the white box."
"Sounds good," I said. "But, how am I going to accomplish dimensional travel by going through boxes? I didn't think I could teleport."
"These boxes simulate a dimension," explained Kyon-brain (they did a lot of explaining). "And this is the space between spaces. Things work a little differently here, my friend."
Well, here goes nothing. I step inside the black box and the door closes. Now, concentrate on my objective. A white box…black ripples on the surface. White box…black ripples…white box…black ripples…white box…black ripples…
Things went…well, neither bright nor dark. It's a transition that defies description. All's I know is that where I stood before in a black box with white ripples was now a white box with black ripples. The door opens and I step out. Sure enough, the black box is now farther away. It's my first true act as a slider. Guess I should be proud…
"Excellent work," compliments Asahina-brain. "That concludes your training." What? Seriously? That's it? Just think of a destination and go?
"It's not quite as simple as that I'm afraid," corrects Koizumi-brain. "That was basically the only real trick to sliding. It's only available to sliders, but it's fairly easy. The hard part is controlling it in the spaces. Like we said, things work a bit differently here in the space between spaces. As a result, you may be able to have adept control of the power here, but the physics and properties of the actual dimensions prohibit this a little bit. You'll need to master this ability on your own, I'm afraid. But with what we taught you, you should be fine…as long as you survive the unstable phase.
"Unstable phase?" I parrot. Something tells me I'm not going to like this.
"Every slider begins unstable when they acquire their powers," continued Nagato-brain. "The unstable phase is where they must learn to control their abilities or die. During this time, they are volatile, with the merest thought hurling them into another dimension. You must learn to control the sliding with your own will power. If you are successful, the random portals that have opened up and drawn you in will cease."
That's it. I'm a dead man. The merest thought could send me to my doom. Watching a war documentary? Suddenly I'm in the middle of an artillery bombardment. At the museum? Now I'm running away from dinosaurs and Genghis Khan. Reading a manga? All of a sudden, I'm at the helm of a giant robot trying to fight off a giant monster. Great…just great. My life has become more of a nuisance than it already was.
"I want to go home now…" I weakly mutter.
"Behold!" announced Haruhi-brain, yet again. This time it was something familiar. The dissection table I'd seen in the various glimpses. "Sorry about the blood, we haven't gotten around to cleaning that up yet." Yes, I can see that. It's just stained all over the table and the instruments. That won't bother me at all.
"And…why are we here?" I asked. I really didn't think the answer would be calming. I was right.
"This is what we're going to use to send you back home," answered Kyon-brain. Suddenly, I began to question the sanity of these brain counterparts. Did their idea of sending me home become cutting me open and pulling my bits out?
Feebly, I pointed at the table. "But…that's a dissection table."
"It can do lots of things," defended Koizumi, a little bit irritated. Don't think I've ever heard him irritated before. "Who says it can't?"
"Alright, alright," I stuttered. "How's this going to work?"
"First, we strap you in," started Asahina-brain. Is it normal to be distressed on the first step? "Then, we power up the devices responsible for dimensional travel. Once the co-ordinates are set and the power levels are nominal, we catapult you into the dimensional path we've created and bid farewell."
Catapult? Is there any part of this plan that I can agree with? Eh, nothing to do now but get it over with. I heave myself onto the table and strap myself in, reluctantly. Various instruments not covered in blood hover over me and energy hums through them as the brains telepathically input co-ordinates. Before I knew it, they turned to me, said 'farewell' and everything went crazy for a second as I was flung screaming back to my world.