Chapter 10: light and dark

Harry woke up the next morning; the sun streamed trough the windows and bathed the room in light; he turned around to see him sleeping peacefully next to him breathing softly; his body covered in a warm light that reflected of him; like he glowed; harry didn't move; he didn't make a single sound he just looked at him; studied every line every curve every dip; in his back; not quite registering anything or thinking at all.

Every though every emotion every vein in his body; all his attention was being put into this; maybe it was minutes or maybe it was hours till Draco woke up; he turned around and looked at harry; a sleepy smile formed on his face; neither said anything for a while; Draco was looking at harry for a instant until he started to uncontrollably laugh; it was a laugh of relive and of disbelieve; he wondered why he ever worried so much; "why was I so dumb" he tough to himself looking at harry laying next to him. Harry count help it and he stared to laugh to. "why are we so dumb" Draco said in between laughs; harry new exactly what he meant he started laughing and looked at him "maybe we have just learned to be afraid of everything all the time" he said after a while. "hmm or maybe is not that deep maybe we are just to fucking blind" Draco said and then he kissed him; and kissed him and kissed him maybe a million more times; he wasn't letting go; and so they laid all morning in bed the warm sun rays filling the room they cuddled. And watched a movie. Holding each other tight. Not willing to let one second to waits, just existing together;

Because they waited for so long for each other; they needed each other so much; it was everything they could have imagined and more; for the first time; they understood the meaning of the word us. For the first time; harry finally felt; that he didn't need to fight all his battles alone. And for the first time Draco knew; that he was more than his scars more than his past, that not every part of his heart was bad.

The weekend blurred into inseparable images; where time had absolutely seemed to vanish. That was until Monday came; and they where forced to slip back into reality. The semester was over and harry had promised to go spend Christmas back in London; but he was doubting his decision given the circumstances; Draco on the the hand had gotten a letter from his mother she seemed to want to have at least one day during the holidays with her son. But now that this was a thing everything got more complicated. It wasn't about people finding out about Harrys sexuality there had been speculation for quite a while about that; and Harrys concern wasn't that; but what the world would think of this; and this was no to say that there hadn't been rumours of them before but none of them had ever been serious more of a satire no one be lived written by underpaid journalist desperate for any story they could possibly cover.

but this time it was real; this time it wasn't a joke anymore; two of the most well known enemies; co workers; for different sides of the story; who's characters where so build up to and specific persona; an image of who each of them were; ideals they both represented. Fantasies that people created; how will everyone feel when they new; that in this precise moment in a high tower of Hogwarts these two where kissing by the fireplace wondering about how everything was about to crash down around them. When they had to brake the characters.

It was about the stigma; who could you forgive the one who took your parents and a million of children's families. How could you forget what he´d done to you; and what the mark on his arm had meant once; how could you forgive what he did. How could you forgive; and look him in the eye and touch his hand; or give him a chance to hold you tight. How?

Harry hadn't forgotten but he had forgiven; and he understood that those ideal those weren't Draco; he was a broken child once as much as harry himself was; he just happened to be in the other side of the narrative. But the people didn't get this; after all the notion that every hero is absolutely good and the every villain in inherently evil is what people tend to think; truth is not one sided or one dimensional and there isn't just good and bad guys; because hero's are flawed and every villain believes they are doing the best in their mind. Or they are scared and don't know a better way out. But to think people would believe this was absolutely unrealistic; he knew for a fact not many understood this; and that when Ron or dean knew; hell was going to break loose.

For know though it was time to decide. To decide if he was going to London; as he promised or if he was making up an excuse to stay over the break. That is when an idea popped into his head; "so you know I have to go back to London" "do you really" Draco groaned "yes; but I had an idea; why don't you come with me; stay in my flat" Draco looked at him confusedly "well useless you want to stay whit you mother" "no no way let me pack my bags" Draco said getting up "harry wasn't expecting that reaction at all and then he started to realise this entailed more; and it entailed telling people about them. Why was he so impulsive he had no clue. But who knew maybe it was for good. At least they would be together. And outside of the school for the fist time since the summer. And for the first time as something more. And So that evening they boarded the train with the students and left.

Draco had forgotten what it felt like to hide a boyfriend; to hide for everyone around them what was really going on; he had really taken things for granted. Needless to say the last time he felt this way was before coming out. And he didn't miss the felling at all. The fear from the stares, the what ifs and the thought of everything that could possibly go wrong. But this time it was different; it felt strange a bigger and bigger because he knew when combining potter, Malfoy all eyes where placed on them every movement. Form now on. Everything he did next to him was seen. And speculated about.

He wondered if harry always felt like this during his whole life, and the proceeded to understand that he took this stuff harry new so well; and had so much practice with for granted; because he just didn't know, he´d been there of course but never at the scale of the mighty harry potter. They boy who lived. Not once but twice. Once at Harrys flat they unpacked, and stayed there the rest of the night harry made dinner; the muggle way no magic involved; perhaps because he was tiring to impress Draco or because doing things not magically helped him keep his mind of other things and made him feel like he could to something. But either way nothing could help his anxiousness about what he was going to say when they went to visit Ron and Hermione on Friday. In the mean time though. Harry planed to take every second in before thing inevitably had to change. And perhaps everything would fade.

He wasn't certain of what was to come and that was okay, in the mean time; harry spent the days trying and presumably failing to teach Draco how to cook; as he was incredibly jealous of harry ability and couldn't make a meal for the life of him; if it wasn't on this the boys would spend the day watching movies or playing board games (board games on the magical world where also very much cooler than in the muggle world but spiked quite of the same amount of fights a muggle monopoly would; that didn't necessary change) It would not be right to say that this days where spend in hiding because it wasn't quite the case; but perhaps in hand sight they where it just what they needed at the time and going out didn't seem necessary even if behind that was an unconscious decision triggered by the fact that anything that happened outside the apartment was seen; in here it was like they where invisible; and it was clear that harry wanted to be invisible for a little more time even if it was fake

So instead the days leading up to Christmas where spend between all types of kisses cuddles and laughter's. Draco on his part was anxious he had not anticipated in his plans having to tell other people about this ever, it just (yes stupidly) wasn't a though the once crossed his mind perhaps because he never though he wound get this far. So it was evident that the hole matter was making him incredibly upset. After all the prospect of meting with your undeclared enemies was nerve racking Draco hadn't seen much of Ron or Hermione at all after the war; he saw Hermione now and then in the ministry and had spoken to her a few times regarding legal matters about his family but that about it still they where in generally civil good terms .

What really bothered Draco wasn't Hermione as he new she would be supportive and most likely being so inquisitive and Harry's best fried she knew everything or at least most of the story so she would not be surprised. What really worried Draco was Ron; for one he knew (even if harry denied it to calm his nerves) that Ron still wasn't okay with him; he want as easy forgiving and he despised Draco; he had said it before and he was certain it hadn't changed much, to make matters worse him and Ron had not engaged more than a few awkward hellos in the elevators of the ministry and a few blank stares when he had to go to the auros to sort out something and get updates on his family.

Reason why he was almost certain that this would be one if not the most difficult person he though they would have to tell and that it was unexplored territory and Draco wasn't exactly anticipating exploring it in fact not because of anything other than the history of the war; and the fact that harry and Ron where such close friend he most certainly wasn't going to love the idea off them together. And Draco was certain he was going to try and be supportive but he wasn't going to be okay with it; and he was worried this could become a problem in the future.

In fact not many where kind to Draco after all the wounds form the war where recent; and people needed someone to blame; one could not forget what they had done and not many people had the understanding harry had of him; and the willingness to forget; for not many people Draco meant hardly any; if anything after the war all he had where his fellow slytherins; pansy being his rock most of the time like she always had been. The infinite companion he could trust but she was still broken after all; what would have been of the girl who tried to sell harry to the dark lord. People didn't forget easily. She was broken an afraid and the world through prejudice would never be kind to her. She avoided time in Azkaban as she had really committed no big crimes and Draco dared to say out of sheer luck, this made people mad. In reality the world would never be kind to the slytherins kids even if they had been just that, kids.

He still remembered when he came back to Hogwarts after the war to finish his last year and take his exams as he hadn't had the opportunity to do so before and was searching for a sense of continuity and normally that perhaps Hogwarts could give him; and a when it came time to sort the first years a little girl was the first one get slytherin; and the hole room was silent not even her own table clapped and she ran out of the hall crying. It was devastating really. And no one knew what to say. Mcgonagall and slughorn had worked tirelessly to redeem the houses pride; but it seemed a pointless fight to fight. He though about the sheer unfairness of it all. How could the world deem and 11 year old evil because a fucking sentient hat had said so it was unreasonable. But so it was and the world was not fair neither kind to the kids that didn't have a choice but to be forced into the wrong side of the war.

And so he new it wasn't his fault either The way that Ron though was so, because he had suffered and lost his family and a part of himself to. And the rivalry they shared and the understanding harry had of the war was eternally different than anyone else's because as much as his friends tried to sympathise neither of them had to carry weight like harry and Draco had at the age of 16 when they manipulated by people they trusted to be the pawns the weapons of the fight. But neither Ron nor Hermione could sympathise as neither could Greg or pansy. And so it was doomed to be that they would never fully understand. And would think harry out of his good dam mind. And think that after all that had happened this was what you did!. And maybe it all fairness they where right. It was an unhealthy clinging after all for mutual understanding that perhaps no one else in the world will ever fully understand. After all they where one in the same born into destinies they could control. One on light and one on dark. And that no matter how hard he tried Ron would never understand. Because of the fact he had a different version of the war.