A/N:

First I would like to give a BIG THANK YOU to:

Oceanluvr

Twiharder8

Princess britny

For there never failing reviews, in almost every chapter.. Its reviewers like them that make me want to keep writing this story.. I have a lot of alerts and favs for this story, but they review all the time.. So thank you!!!!

Now hopefully I can get more reviews!! There are a lot of people who take the time to read this story, but not a lot that take the time to review it… so if you read the story, please review.. Itll make me crank the chapters out that much quicker!!

SECOND!! SOOO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT BETWEEN UPDATES. I WAS HAVING SOME COMPUTER PROBLEMS!! Damn virus… so have you ever heard of xp police antivirus.. Yeah that's what I got, it was some stupid spy ware thing that looked like a antivirus program, but I had no clue how it got on my computer it downloaded itself trying to get $$ from me to delete the fake stuff it said I had lol.. Needless to say it made my computer run slow. And actually stop working and it would freeze on the start up and wouldn't load any of my icons or let me click to get onto the start menu or internet I was very sad lol.. L but I am back now so updates will come more often like usual..

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Chapter 10: My Future

Time was at a stand still, or so it felt. Here I stood, in another old hotel room. Contemplating my attack. I had almost caught her once. Victoria knew I was on her trail. She would not escape me again. I had come so close. For months now I had tracked her. I looked down at a calendar on the desk.

Months? Had it only really been a few months? It had felt longer. Years maybe. But not months.

Months, only months since I left her, I did the right thing; We did the right thing. Being as far away from her as possible would be the best thing for her; for me and yet, it was as though I were being torn apart by ravage ferocious mountain lions. I had hoped that with every State that I passed through, the distance would bring with it some form of peace. I didn't expect much, just a little, just enough to exist in this hollow body. There was no peace, only a desperate struggle, as every one of my senses and the core of my being knew that I was leaving her behind, leaving me further behind. There was no other way to look at it; she owned me, every part of me. In leaving her, I left myself behind. I would let her keep me. It was better to live this pitiful existence than to endanger her further. I had brought so much danger into her life. I would no longer do that to her, she deserved better. Better than that, better than this, better than anything I could give her. She deserved better than me, a monster.

I always heard and read about heart break. Read stories of the broken hearted, the hurt and forgotten. But never in all of my existence did I think that it this painful. Literally it felt like my heart was ripped from my chest. Broken into a million piecies, and left shattered and lifeless on the ground. Lifeless and alone just like the vessel in which it lived in. Bella had done that she had awakened my once dead heart. Made it feel like it had life again. A reason a purpose in this lonely vicious world. Then I destroyed it.

In reality it was destroyed before it even started. Just because of what I was. What we were. The monsters that go bump in the night were not meant for the real world. We were meant for fairy tales and horror movies. Fictional characters in a once popular book. But no, not real life. And defiantly not meant for love.

I knew I felt like I had died. I was no longer living, just existing. I knew the truth though. I couldn't die, not yet; not while I knew that somewhere, she was still breathing, somewhere she was happy. She had moved on. A few months had passed, she had to have been better than I saw in Alice's vision. Then again, one was from a few months later. Hopefully that future had changed. for me I would never again love, or be loved. I would no longer be the Edward everyone knew, that Edward had died. He had been killed the second I walked away. But then again what were another eighty or so years? A blink of an eye.

The blink of an eye seemed like an age, as the stabbing hurt struck me. I imagined her with another, happily married and with children. A husband and family of her own, all the things that I could never give her.

I had never deserved her. She was so willing to sacrifice everything, sacrifice her very life for me. Just to be with me forever. I deserved none of it. I had been bad for her, in every way possible. I chose to put myself in her life. I left a gaping hole in her heart, I knew it. Although I would never admit it. I knew I had broken her. But I knew, I had to have hope that she would get over me in time. Move on. Live to love another day. Another person. A human. Some one she deserved.

A few months, she had to have moved on. Shes happy now. Forgotten all about me. Human memories fade, diminish in time. As would I in her life. I would soon be forgotten. Although Bella would live in my heart and my mind forever. And I welcomed it. I would never forget about Bella. Even if I could. I knew I wouldn't want to.

How is it, after all of it. Even now in this painful, agonizing shell of my former self. I don't even regret it, not one bit. Allowing myself to pursue her, love her. And allow her to love me. Falling so fast and so hard for each other that it was irrevocable. I didn't regret it. I couldn't.

There were no words to describe the pain and the void in my chest. Where my heart once was. It proved I had loved and been loved. A monster like me. Who would of thought. Love, and be loved.

For only love can leave such a gaping, festering wound. Wounds that either heal with the passing of time, or don't, but they always scar.

She would be left with a scar and as the years passed; it would fade to a small, barely decipherable mark; not for me. This wound was not meant to heal, the pain would never fade away and time would not erase what had passed. A part of me wondered if it ever could. If I let it. If I tried? No, I wouldn't. I had wanted it so much, I still want it. I would never forget, never let the pain go away. It was all I had left. The unbearable pain I felt. Was all I had left of Bella. All that I could ever have. It would remind me of what once was. The love we shared. And also the reason why it had to come to an end.

Unable to forget, forbidden to remember. That was my future.

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