Thanks for the Memories
Chapter 10; Sasuke-ed
For the past week, Sakura began to notice her tenant's strange change of behaviour.
It had been a rule that they should never concern each other's life or privacy (saved for certain circumstances like pretending to be someone's boyfriend), Sakura couldn't ignore it anymore.
He rarely comes out of his room, or even eats too. He stopped watching television with her, stopped making simple and small conversation over the kitchen counter with her and even stopped his usual little drawing sessions. He had stopped being the Sasori she knew.
Sakura was currently flipping through the pages of Sasori's drawing pad, which he left in the living room and couldn't even bother to keep it like the neat person he always was. She started to notice the slow change of his art style; from his usual lively looking drawings to gradually messy scribbles, which Sakura only managed to decipher two sketches out of all. One looked something like an abandoned and tattered-looking toy truck while another was a vast sea, where the water was shaded rather hard and darkly too.
And like what he said. He didn't draw any humans.
She closed the sketching pad and decided to use this chance to talk to Sasori for the first time this week. Sakura took in a deep breath and tentatively climbed up the stairs. She stood outside the room and mustered just enough courage to knock. But when her hand hovered over the door, she halted right away when she heard some shuffling and voice inside.
"Deidara. Don't force me."
There was a pause.
"I already said I don't care."
A loud thud could be heard. Did he threw his phone? Or was that something else? Sakura gulped. Things didn't look good, and his harsh tone to whoever he was talking to wasn't the only thing proving it. She gripped tightly to the sketch book and turned around-
The door whipped open and she felt the air that struck her back instantly freezing her body. Sakura hesitantly tilted her head back, locking gaze with Sasori who was standing by his door and looking at her lazily, like he was about to sleep.
When he didn't speak, Sakura took the initiative to break the silence as she showed him the sketching pad. "I thought you'll want to keep it, in case you lose it."
The redhead stared at her for a few seconds, studying her so intensely that Sakura felt like she had forgotten how to breathe. In the end, he looked away first and accepted the book from her hands.
"Thanks."
"Is... everything alright?"
"Yeah."
She didn't have the willpower to ask any further. "Then I shall not bother you." Sakura stepped back. "Have a good rest."
Before she managed to turn away from him, he had already shut his door. Sakura glanced back and sighed heavily at the wall between them. As a nurse, she wished she could lecture him about the lack of nutrition from not eating well. As a friend, she wished she could help so as to lift any kind of burden that he was currently facing. But maybe now wasn't the correct time to do whatever she thought she needed to do.
0o0
Thud Thud Thud Thud
Sakura whimpered, her brows furrowing as she turned on her bed and hugged her bolster just a little bit tighter.
Thud Thud Thud Thud
Her green eyes instantly flung open and she shot up from her bed, her pink hair was wild and in a mess but she had more important things to care about right now. She jumped out of bed and stomped right to her bedroom door.
Thud Thud Thud Thud
She swung the door open, and to the biggest shock of her life, Sasori was right in front of her. Alright, not literally right in front of her. The treadmill was placed just some feet away from her room, and Sasori was currently running on it. Her jaw dropped and she quickly rubbed her eyes, just to make sure she wasn't dreaming about whatever she saw. Still, the image of him was still there. And most importantly, the loud, annoying sound of his feet thumping against the platform of the treadmill didn't go away either.
"Sasori?!" Sakura yelled and ruffled her hair as she dragged her feet next to the treadmill. She tiredly glanced over the red digital numbers before glaring back at him. "What the hell are you doing?!"
"Exercising." He calmly said.
"Are you insane? It's... three in the morning!"
"..."
Sakura pressed the large red button and it switched off the treadmill as Sasori slowly came to a stop. He panted for a bit, his head hung low. When Sakura was about to shout back at him again, he pressed the button and the machine began roaring back to life. She stared at him in horror and pressed the switch button in retort, to which he nonchalantly switched it on again.
Finally fed up, she pulled out the plug and the treadmill stopped abruptly. She then dragged Sasori's arm and get him off the treadmill as he dazedly let her, like a puppet with no control.
"Sasori, it's three in the morning!"
"You've said that already."
"But you don't seem to get it! I have work tomorrow morning and I need sleep!"
"Then go to sleep."
"The walls are not sound-proof! Your running is disturbing my sleep!" Sakura exclaimed and tried to catch her breath at the same time. Her firing green eyes immediately softened and she bit her dry lips. "Sasori, is everything alright? You looked really... off recently. Is there anything wrong? Is it your work?"
"You've stopped me from running. That's what went wrong."
"I'm not stopping you from running. I'm stopping you from running at an inappropriate time. If you would like, we'll talk about our respective timetables and rules of using the treadmill, alright?" Sakura ran her finger through her hair. Oh God, she just realized she wasn't wearing any bra. But it should be too dark for him to see it anyway... She embarrassingly looked up at Sasori and widened her eyes, her previous concerns were all pushed to the back of her head.
Sasori... He looked so lost.
"He-hey." Sakura cautiously reached out for his hand. "Are you really alright?"
He flinched at her touch and she moved away, afraid to scare him any further. They awkwardly glanced away from each other before the drowsiness once again started to kick in for Sakura.
"Look, we seriously need to talk about this tomorrow." She really couldn't open her eyes any longer. But making sure her point was made even clearer, she pushed Sasori towards his bedroom and away from the treadmill and waved him in. "Go to sleep."
His hand slowly touched the door knob and Sakura took it as a sign that he was finally sane and doing what he should be doing now. Oh boy, tomorrow would be a great day for Sakura to discuss this matter. This was totally not the Sasori she knew for the so many past months, but she really was too tired to care right now.
She then trudged to her bedroom and closed the door behind her without looking back.
Sasori's grip loosened and his hand slipped back to his side again. Once he heard Sakura's door closed, he wearily shifted his body and had his back leaning against his door frame. Pathetically, he dragged his back down to the ground till he was sitting on the floor, with his head hiding inside both of his palms.
Sitting outside was less scary than facing the enclosed four walls inside his bedroom. Besides... He flicked his amber eyes towards Sakura's door.
For some apparent reason, Sasori felt a lot calmer than ever after being just a little closer to Sakura right now. Creepy, but this was something he admitted to himself.
He stupidly wondered why.
0o0
"I'm freaking serious!"
Despite using the most firm tone Sakura had ever used, her best friend was still laughing at her joke and claiming it was the best one she heard since years while wiping a fake tear away from her eyes. Sakura gritted her teeth and rubbed the throbbing headache that was starting to appear.
"Alright alright." Ino chortled behind the back of her hand before she cleared her throat. "So you're saying that guy started running on the treadmill at 3 in the morning and blamed you for stopping him?"
Sakura sighed and placed her utensils down. She didn't have the appetite to eat her lunch anymore.
The blonde laughed again. "He's insane! But funnily insane! He must have hit his head or something, oh God this is hilarious."
"Ino..."
"I'm sorry!" She didn't sound apologetic at all. "Look, this is the best time to chase him out of the house now."
"Can you stop trying to head straight for the worst case scenario every single time?"
"I've always think this is the best case scenario!"
Sakura gave Ino a last warning glare and the latter finally straightened her posture, clearly meaning she was back to business. "Alright, maybe something did happen to him."
"Now the psychiatrist-in-training is finally talking."
Ino rolled her eyes. "Since he was able to answer your questions correctly," she snickered, "though funnily, I doubt he was suffering from sleep-walking like what you thought."
"But he's like a totally different person that I've known. Could it be a split personality?"
"Unlikely either. He was able to have a proper conversation with you during that period of time. If he has a split identity, he would not be able to recognize who you are."
"Hmmm..."
"I can't confirm this, but I suppose he's suffering from insomnia."
Her green eyes lit up. "It's possible. Perhaps he's too stress about something and wasn't able to sleep."
"That could be the case, but we have to further monitor his situation." Ino shrugged and continued eating her salad. "But I'm just applying what I've learnt from the books. Best if he finds a real psychiatrist, or just get rid of him before things goes beyond repair, you know. We still don't know much about him yet! Especially his job! He could be insomniac just because he had a habit of staying up late at night coming up with plans to rob banks."
"Ino... Actually, Sasori is an art-"
"Oh Shit, I'll have to scoot now!" Ino started packing up when she noticed the time on her phone, "I promised Dad I'll attend a psychiatry conference with him. I'll talk to you soon, okay? And let me know if that red shit is going wild again."
"I will, though I prefer not."
Ino gave her hand a squeeze and a quick wink before she departed with her salad box, leaving Sakura alone on her tiny lunch table. Out of everyone Sakura knew, Ino had the greatest green fingers of all, but she wasn't just interested in flowers but also the minds of people. Sakura always find psychiatry a cool thing to study, but she never had the talent at reading people. Though for some reason, she wondered why Ino couldn't see past Sasori's walls and understand that he wasn't a bad man that she always thought he was.
Or maybe... was Sakura the one that was blind?
She shook her head and quickly finished her lunch before her shift started again.
0o0
It wasn't the first time Sasori had been in this quiet park that was located a street away from Sakura's house; this was the same place he hid when Sakura's parents were still in town. Everything was still the same like every other early evening, loud children playing on swings, couples bringing out their dogs and retired people strolling and enjoying the breeze in the park. Back then, Sasori found serenity from these little moments, but he couldn't bother today.
He found a bench near the entrance of the park and sat on it alone. His phone was left at home, just so he could stay far away from it and officially ignore it just because he didn't have it with him. After changing his number to get away from Kakuzu, it was now Deidara's honour to get his phone ringing every single hour after he cut him off.
Sasori sighed and stared at his feet.
"You need someone to talk to."
That was what Sasori was told a while ago when his doctor refused his request for some sleeping pills. Hell, Sasori literally paid him a visit and this was what he got. He wondered what made him to walk out of the clinic so obediently without flipping a table or two. The lack of sleep was really getting into him.
He rubbed his eyes tiredly and stood up from his bench as he decided to leave the park. Deidara was out of the question. And pathetically as it sounded, he had no other friends that really knew his situation other than Kakuzu. Sakura did pop into his mind, but...
Sasori spotted a fat boy sitting on a swing alone. He was obviously being outcast by the other children who were playing tag, yet he didn't seem to care as he continued licking his ice cream. Something in Sasori clicked and he cautiously approached the boy and sat on the swing next to him.
"Hello, what's your name?"
"My mom told me to not tell strangers my name."
"Fine, I'm not really interested anyway. I just need you to listen what I have to say."
"Oh, is it a bed time story? But I don't want to sleep yet."
"No." Sasori gritted his teeth. "Just quietly eat your ice cream and listen to what I have to say."
When the boy finally shut up, a plump looking woman stomped over to the swing and pulled the boy away. Sasori blinked before he could even get another word out of his mouth.
"What are you doing?!"
"Mom, Mister story-teller is going to tell me a story!"
"Didn't I tell you not to talk to strangers?" Her mother chided, pulling her son closely by her side as she glared back at Sasori. "Let's go home." She declared loudly and the two of them strutted off.
Sasori frowned ominously, watching the two of them walking away and never turn back again. What was with that glare that was directed at him? Did he look like some kidnapper or pedophile that was going to rape his son? Come on, he bet he could barely lift that fat boy up, not to mention kidnapping him.
"Damn it. Why is it so hard to find one person to talk to?" Sasori scoffed out loud, kicking some sand on the ground and managed to get some of it into his shoe. He muttered a few curse words as he got down from the swing and approached to a bench to sit down while taking off his shoe to get all the sand out. After he was done, he remained in his seat, staring in space until his eyes was so focused on a tree opposite of him that he was snapped right awake all of the sudden.
He silently got up from his seat, walking towards the tree and stopped right in front of the tree-hole that caught his attention from afar. He peeked inside a tree-hole that was conveniently at the height of his nose and saw nothing inside at all. Sasori slowly glanced to his right, then to his left, and after making sure no one was around him, he looked back into the hole.
"What should I do? What should I do to the person whom abandoned me?" Sasori bit his lips. "What should I do when she is currently going to-"
"Sa-Sasori?"
There was a long silence before the said man turned, his head resembled the water sprinkler in the garden. Once his honey brown eyes met a pair of green ones, his mouth opened and came out was a whisper.
"Ha...runo." Sasori sounded as if he was whispering his will to his lawyer on his deathbed.
"Correct me if I'm wrong but," Sakura awkwardly smiled, "did you just talk to a... tree?"
"Will you believe me if I said no?"
Sakura moved in closer, placing her hand on his forehead before putting her hand on her own forehead to measure for any temperature difference. When she detected none, her working habits started to kick. She about to do some other basic tests to check if Sasori was feeling alright when he stepped away.
"I'm not sick." He scowled.
"You're talking to a tree and you are claiming that you're not sick?" Sakura gave a sceptical look. "Ino is right, you really need some therapy."
"Why are you even here?"
"I'm walking home from work and then I saw you here." She gestured the entrance that was near where they were standing.
"You ended your shift early today."
"Don't try to change the topic."
Busted, Sasori quickly moved away. There wasn't a point in trying to stay and getting interrogated at. Before he could, something had encircled his wrist, stopping him in an instant. He looked back, irritated, but he wasn't able to hold that emotion for too long when Sakura was looking so worriedly at him like that.
"Can we talk?" She mumbled. "Please?"
0o0
"It's been a while since I've last come here to just... sit down like this." Sakura said. She patted her bag on her lap and turned to Sasori who was sitting next to her on the same bench. He didn't look pleased, but at least he was still here. She sighed.
"How are you?"
"Fine."
"Yesterday you aren't. At least let's talk about last night. Are you having trouble sleeping?"
He lowered his gaze.
They stayed in that position for quite some time and none of them spoke. Until-
"Do you know what it feels like, to be abandoned?"
Sakura pursed her lips. "You know I do."
"Do you hate Sasuke?"
"This conversation shouldn't be about me-"
"Just answer my question."
"I-" She bit her lips. "I did, a little. But now, I've realized it isn't entirely his fault. I was just dumb." Sakura gave a sidelong glance at Sasori and watched his brows furrowed like all the other times she looked at him. She wondered if he ever smiled or laughed at anything at all.
All of the sudden, something clicked in her mind.
"Have you been Sasuke-ed before?"
Sasori looked at her, "Sasuke-ed?"
"Given a hope, waited and abandoned in the end."
He scoffed. "Sasuke-ed... It has a nice ring to it."
"So, you do."
"Perhaps."
"Did it happen recently?"
"More than a decade ago."
What...? Sakura straightened her posture. "Care to share?"
Just a bit more and Sasori would have officially combined his eyebrows together with all the frowns he was making. She watched patiently at his silence. Sakura knew Sasori wouldn't Sasuke-ed her. At least that was what she believed. It was a big progress that he started to talk, so she shouldn't be losing hope and assuming that he would drop this important conversation like nothing.
"My parents. They died when I was eight."
Sakura's breath hitched.
"A plane accident. They were going overseas for work, but they didn't reach their destination." He casually shrugged like he just discussed the weather.
"I'm sorry, I-" Sakura shook her head as she set her gaze at her feet, unable to look at anything else. "That dinner with my family... Oh God I'm so sorry."
"I knew you'll be guilty and be all shitty about this." He muttered. "It's not going to help with anything."
Sakura glanced up.
"Don't give me that look." Sasori mumbled. He wasn't even looking at her. "I don't like it."
"I'm sorry." She looked away.
"Enough apologies already."
"I'm-"
Sasori sighed. Sakura could only inwardly mutter the rest of the words she wanted to say. She didn't expect this conversation to go this way.
"But..." Sakura finally regained her composure after a short silence. "But Sasori, your parents- They didn't choose to abandon you. You can't... blame them for that."
"I'm not talking about them."
"Then?"
"I lied during that dinner. I did have a relative left. My grandmother." His gaze hardened. "Only after a year later, I finally knew my parents died. All along, she fed me with hopes and stories that they would eventually come back. I was young, I didn't know planes would crash. I didn't know about death. I didn't know how my parents will meet their ends so soon. I didn't know anything."
"Y-Your grandmother... I'm sure she just wants to protect you."
Sasori snorted. "That's what everyone told me too."
"Then-"
"But do you know how I found out about my parent's death?"
Sakura didn't respond.
"It's when she left me at some church to be adopted. I've overheard from the caretakers there, and did research on my own too."
"No..."
"You've no idea how fucked up I am during those years. I've been in and out of different kinds of shitty homes. It was hell." He hissed. "But guess who came back two years later? Apparently, she returned without a word and took me back, but that wasn't my home either. I've quitted school and moved out a while later and met some shitty but good people and sell arts together on the streets. The rest are history."
"I-I don't know- I, but why are you-"
"Deidara, my friend. He called last week." He muttered. "She's now in a hospital; cancer. There's hope, then again, it isn't looking good either. He wanted me to visit her, but I couldn't. I just fucking couldn't. I don't want to care either, but I couldn't either..."
All of a sudden, all those beautiful leaves and flowers in the garden felt like rotten shit to Sakura. She didn't have to go through any of what Sasori did, but her chest was feeling so much heavier than ever. They grew up with different background, and had never been in each shoe's before... It was no wonder why he always sees the bad in everything and complaint about how she could see the good in everything so easily.
"Humans are ugly creatures."
"I'm so sorry."
Before Sasori could say any word, Sakura embraced him from his side, rendering him immobile. He couldn't breathe, not because Sakura was hugging too tightly, but he didn't know how to all of the sudden. Sasori hesitantly glanced down at the fluff of pink hair that was rubbing against his cheeks. She smelt of medicines and chemicals, comforting and warm...
"Let me hug you for a while." She muttered.
He didn't even say anything.
"I won't tell you to forgive your grandmother and visit her, I won't tell you to continue to hate her either." She muffled into shoulder. "I won't tell you to do anything. I just want to tell you that you can count on me. Not as a landlady, but as a friend."
"It seems that you've indirectly reminded me that today was the day to pay up my rental fees."
"Is it?" She muffled again.
Sasori sighed and glanced down at her head again. He really didn't want this to happen. "Are you crying?"
"I'm not." She refused to move.
"This is my favourite shirt."
"I didn't know you have favourites for anything." She spat, her face still dug deep into his shoulder. Finally, she couldn't hold on any longer and sniffed, losing the game. Sasori pretended not to hear or see as she quickly wiped her eyes when she cut the hug. It all happened slowly, but he felt like she left him so fast and he had turned into an ice block.
Giving her time to clean up her face, he stood up from his seat, feeling tired all of the sudden; perhaps, this was a good sign. Sasori smirked to himself and rubbed his chest. He really, really did feel better now. He just need a long sleep and everything would be better...
The image of his grandmother turning and leaving the gates of the church flashed across his mind and he wondered if things could really be any better. He inwardly shook his head and turned to face Sakura who was all ready to roll.
"Let's go." He said, as if his actions weren't clear enough.
Sakura sprang up from her feet and smiled. "Let's go home."
Maybe this was what mattered now.
"Anyway, what should we eat for dinner? And no, no more running tonight. I'll cut off your legs if you do. No mercy."
Side by side, they headed out of the garden.