This is a one-shot I wrote to go with my story 'If age is a number, what's size?' It's EPOV of the Christmas Bella goes to Edward and get drunk. There will be lots and lots of swearing because, well, it's Edward. He may seem a little OOC, but I like to have my characters go against the norm. I hope you like this. Enjoy!
EPOV.
Christmas day.
A day where families are supposed to sit around a fire in the living room and exchange gifts. Happy smiles should grace everyone's faces and Christmas music should be playing on the radio. Well, that's what's meant to happen.
Not in my fucking house. Nope. The Cullen house hold goes against tradition so much it's funny. We can't have an open fire because Carlisle boarded up the fireplace, fed up with me lighting my cigarettes from it. We don't smile, because really, what is there to smile about? Also, I smashed the radio, so Christmas music is out of the picture. Gotta love Christmas!
I could leave my bedroom, but I know what I will find. Alice will be in her bedroom, her music will be playing loudly, and she will be doing something with her stupid, shitty drawings. Carlisle works everyday for stupidly long fucking hours, so he won't be here, and Esme will be fucking crying, like always.
Lying back, I stare at the white ceiling with a cigarette between my lips. I can feel my body itching for a joint, or a pill, just to take the edge off of this shitty day, but I won't give in. Not yet anyway.
I'm in no way addicted to the drugs, but I like the feel they give my body. I like the feeling of being invincible and not having to worry about anything, other than coming down again.
If I was just to have a little something, it may take away the feeling of this stupid day. Why does everyone have to spend time with family on days like this? Why do shops have to shut so that people can 'spend time together'? If I had my way, I would be under Tanya right now. But no, she has to go out with her parents. Her mother likes my cock more than Tanya does.
I smirk at the thought and take another hit of my cigarette.
"Edward, can you come down stairs, please?" I hear Esme call out. I groan and put out my cigarette. What does she want?
I storm out of my bedroom and fly down the stairs, irritation written clearly on my face.
"What?" I snap, wanting nothing more than to go back up to my room. Esme and Alice stand in the kitchen. They both have a cup of tea in their hands and I can see another one on the counter, probably for me.
"I thought we could spend some time together," Esme mumbles, her eyes falling to the floor. I sigh and walk over, pick up the cup and sip from it. Both Alice's and Esme's eyes light up when I sit at the counter.
"What did you have planned?" I groan, knowing they have something up their sleeves.
"We're making dinner. I know that everyone isn't here, but we can still have fun, can't we?" Esme smiles, but I can still see the pain in her eyes.
"We sure can, Mom. What first?" Alice stands and floats around the kitchen. Esme tells us what to do and we follow her orders, working as a small team. Smiles grace both Esme's and Alice's faces and I can't help but like the fact they are happy. I can still remember when Christmas was a happy time in the Cullen mother-fucking household.
Carlisle would be home and refuse to work, and we would be the stereotypical family- giving gifts and just being a family. We would sing Christmas carols while I played the piano and it would be amazing, because we were a family. Then that happened and messed every-fucking-thing up.
"I just have to get something. I'll be right back." Alice and I nod as Esme scurries up the stairs.
"Thanks, Edward." Alice sighs, grating carrots. I cock an eye brow at her.
"What for?" I can hear the apprehension in my voice and she grins, looking over at me.
"For trying," she simply states and places a kiss on my cheek.
We carry on with our jobs and soon Esme joins us again. She stands in the doorway and we both turn to look at her. Her face is pale and she is looking at something in her hands. I look in her hand and my blood boils. Where the fuck did that come from?
"Where did you find that?" I growl, stalking towards her. She puts her hand behind her back and I glare at her.
"It was in your jeans pocket. What the hell are you doing with something like this?" she shrieks, her voice rising to stupid levels. I roll my eyes.
"It's just weed. Breathe." With this, her hand connects with my face, hard, and my head snaps to the side.
"How can you say that? Just weed? After everything that happened? Really, Edward?" she starts crying and my heart clenches. She's right;. I am a selfish prick. Her hand comes back in front of her and she holds it out in her hand. "Is this really worth it? Worth your family? Worth everything we have built up since," she pauses, clearing her throat, "then?." she finally finishes; her voice is calm again, but I can see how she really feels in her eyes. For fuck sakes!
I take the little bag out of her hand and push past her. She doesn't understand. Nobody does. I need to fucking forget; if only for a little while. I need to feel like a normal shitting person and not remember everything that happened.
I walk until I reach my destination. The whole way I had a spliff hanging from my lips, feeling the smoke work its magic through my body. I love this fucking stuff. I walk into the old house and head straight to our room.
Lighting the fire is easy and I sit on a crate, feeling the heat on my face, soaking through my clothes. Leaning down, I pull out the box of beer from the bottom of my crate and open one, drinking it quickly.
Soon, I hear the front door open and someone walking through the old hallways. I'm not sure if someone is really there or if this weed isn't what I normally buy, but I can hear footsteps. I look at the joint; it still smells and tastes the same. I don't fucking know.
"Hello?" I call out and I even I can hear my voice starting to slur. A girl looks up and I can faintly see her pale face and brown hair. Who the fuck is that? I put the joint back to my lips and take a hit, feeling it spread through my body.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't think anyone was here. I'll leave," the girl sniffs. She seems surprised. She is crying, but doesn't try to wipe the tears away.
"Isabella? Is that you?" I ask. My legs feel wobbly as I stand and I walk over to her, inspecting her closer. I take the joint away and hold it between my fingers.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'll leave." She turns to leave, but for some reason, I don't want her to.
"No, wait." I frown slightly. Why don't I want her to leave? I shouldn't want Isabella Fucking Swan to stay here with me. "You can you like," I finish, kind of surprised.
She turns and looks at me for a while, as if studying me. I wave my hand towards the crates in the centre of the room around the fire, silently telling her to sit the fuck down. I sway back to my crate, puffing on my spliff and swigging my beer.
I do truly love beer. No, I'm not a fucking alcoholic or a drug addict, but I am a prick. I know that. Not many people like beer, they just drink it because everyone else does; they follow the mother-fucking crowd. I however like beer. My ideal woman would like beer, too; but I have yet to meet a single girl that actually drinks the stuff and likes it.
Isabella is quiet, just staring into the fire. I can see her eyes flickering as tears flow down her cheeks. Why is she so upset? I hope it has nothing to do with anyone I know. Well, it can't be Tanya, she's on fucking holiday. Rosalie and Jasper don't leave the house Christmas day, and Emmett wouldn't say anything to her.
I see her look over at me and I immediately pull the spliff out for her. She shakes her head almost instantly and her eyes go hard. What is she thinking about? I shrug and take it to my own lips instead. I keep my eyes on her, trying to work her out. She looks down at her lap, tears still falling down her flushed cheeks.
"What brings you out here?" I ask, curious. How did she even find this place? Only a few people actually know this place exists. Sure, everyone knows we all have a 'place', but they don't know where it is.
She looks up from her lap and makes eye contact with me for the first time ever. I gasp. The amount of pain in her eyes is heart breaking. I can see all of her pain and suffering, and I swallow the lump in my throat. She finally shrugs and looks away, her hands moving around in her lap.
"Esme flipped out on me; she found my stash of weed. I snatched it back and ran away." I snort out a laugh. She wipes at her face, but it doesn't make a difference. I wish I had a tissue right now. "I am burning the evidence as we speak." I laugh again. I'm a funny guy.
She smiles slightly and my heart drops -in a good way, of course. I don't think I have ever seen her smile. Her face is always contorted whenever I speak to her. I think I like her smile, it lights up her whole face. I laugh out loud at my stupid thoughts. What the fuck am I thinking?
"My grandma told me how fat I was," she says and my laughter stops. What the hell? Is she shitting me? "I mean, it's not like I don't know. I see the same things that everyone else does. I look in the mirror everyday and feel nothing but disgust towards myself. I want to change, I really do, but I can't. I have tried everything legal, but nothing helps."
My head spins with what she is saying. How could she ever say something like that about herself? She shouldn't find herself disgusting, nobody should. But then again, that is all she has ever been told.
Every day I hear different people telling her how fat and ugly she is. I have myself once or twice. Usually, she laughs it off, like its nothing, but she has changed recently. She doesn't laugh anymore and she avoids everyone. Alice is upset most of the time because Isabella isn't talking to her.
Her grandmother sounds like a bitch. If she could really say that, she must be a mother-fucking whore! I can't actually believe she would say that Isabella is fat. Sure, she's bigger than most girls our age, but her family is supposed to love and support her, not bad mouth her. And to her face? God, what a cow. Even Emmett comforts her every day. I know he does, because he isn't someone to let his sister hurt.
"I could jog everyday and nothing would change. I've starved myself and I thought I did well, but it didn't change the way I look. I have thought of everything, you know? I used to have dreams about cutting my stomach off and I wanted nothing more than to do just that. Get a knife and cut away all my problems. I wouldn't even go to the hospital; I would do it myself with a butcher's knife."
My stomach rolls. What is she even saying? Her thoughts are seriously messed up. Cutting her own stomach off? Is she really that upset? That hurt and ashamed of herself? Does anyone else know of these thoughts? Question after question pops into my mind as I listen to her rant, but I just let her talk.
"I don't want to be like this. I don't want my grandma to be ashamed of me. I want to be like everyone else. I want to be beautiful, and I want guys to want me. I want to feel loved by someone other than my parents, and I want my brother to love me again."
What? Of course Emmett loves her! He may not show it at school, but he told me her goes home and comforts her. I know he does. If Alice was ever upset, I would be there for her without a second thought.
My mind drifts back to that day we found Isabella. We heard a girl screaming and loud male shouting coming from the girls' changing room, and we went in to see what was going on. Emmett went in first and blew up. When I got there, I realized why.
Isabella was on the floor, blood soaking the side of her shirt and all the skin visible turning an angry purple. She had her arms over her head as she curled up on her side, trying to protect herself. I saw how vulnerable she really was and I wanted to help her.
About ten different guys were all around her, spitting on her injured body and giving her a few kicks. She would cry out every time someone made contact, but I could see she was trying not to.
My heart truly went out to her on that day. Those guys weren't small, either. They were all on the football team and big built, like Emmett. Isabella sure took a beating.
All the guys left when Emmett exploded at them. He told Jasper and I to wait outside, so we left, thinking he would be a while. About a minute later, he was back with us and we came here and lit up a bong between the three of us.
He went home an hour later and we didn't see him for the rest of the day. I know he went home to look after his sister, so of course he loves her. She must just be confused and upset.
Her body shakes with sobs and she hides her face in her hands. Before I can stop myself, I wobble over to her and slide my arm around her shoulder. She flinches away in shock and lands on the floor. Her wide, frantic eyes meet mine. What did I just do? Why do I feel the need to look after her? I walk around the crate she was on and sit next to her, being careful not to touch her.
"I'm sorry, you know. I never wanted you to feel like this," I stutter and take a sip of the beer, trying to calm myself down. I offer it to her, and to my immense surprise, she takes it and finishes off the whole thing. She likes beer?
"Sorry." Her face turns bright red and I chuckle, shaking my head when she hands me back the empty bottle.
"It's okay. I have more." I point over to my crate where there is a box full of beer. I get up and see her nod. I pick up the box and bring it over, handing Isabella an open, full beer and take one out for myself. She thanks me quietly and takes a sip. Her face doesn't show disgust, but I don't know if she likes that taste or the fact it's alcohol.
She soon stops crying and I let her calm herself down. I can't help but think back to that day. The Isabella I see now is the same frightened little girl that was getting beat up. She needs support and friends around her, even if she doesn't know it herself.
"Merry Christmas, Isabella," I mutter, holding out my bottle for a toast. She puts the neck of her bottle to mine before taking a sip. I follow suit and down half of the beer.
"Merry Christmas, Edward," she replies, her face down and her voice quiet.
"What the fuck? You got my fucking sister drunk!" I flinch as a voice roars, officially waking me up. My head pounds and I gingerly lift my head off the pillow, trying to gauge how badly it will hurt. I hiss when the light hits my eyes and I bury my head back in the pillows.
"Oi! I'm fucking talking to you!" All of the air in my lungs leaves my body when I get punched in the back. I arch up and my head comes out of the cocoon I made, light hitting my raw eyes.
"What the fuck?" I wince, my head throbbing harder than before. I squint my eyes and look to see Emmett standing by my bed, his face red and his hands fisted.
"You got my mother-fucking sister drunk, man. What the hell?" He plops onto the side of my bed, making my stomach roll. Emmett, dude, I'm hung over. Stop with the loudness and the movement. I turn onto my back, thankful I didn't get naked last night.
"Dude, she turned up at the warehouse in a state, I wasn't just going to tell her to leave. I'm actually surprised she found out where the house was." I sigh, looking over at Emmett's bright red face.
"She just turned up at a place no-one knows about? I find that hard to believe," he scoffs. I sigh. How can I tell him this without him flipping out?
"I think she just stumbled upon it," I start slowly, my head spinning. "She walked in and I saw her, so I told her to stay. I didn't want her to be out walking the streets in the state she was in. You should have seen her, dude."
"I did see her. I was at the house before she left," he grunts.
"I told her to stay if she wanted, and she did. I can't remember much, but I do remember she told me how she feels. It was pretty deep, man." I chuckle, but it falls flat.
"I don't give a fuck; stay the hell away from her!" He stands and goes to the door before turning back. "You'd best see Newton and cancel what you started. You hadn't forgotten, had you?" I shake my head.
"No, I haven't forgotten." He nods and leaves the room, leaving me with my thoughts.
Some of you wanted to see into Edward head, so here he is. I hope you enjoyed it because I doubt you will get to see it again for a long while.
Thank you again to my BETA, you are amazing.
Thank you all for reading and please review.
Twi-girl09
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