Author's Note 1: Hello!! Thanks 4 all ur amazin reviews (except 4 the one that said it went down the drain coz of the 'Sam-bashing', but yeah yeah watevaaaa)!! Well, this twist in the story was inspired by someone's suggestion in a review - i hadn't planned on the story going this way but the idea stuck with me!! Whoever suggested it (please forgive me that i can't remember who it was, sorri!!) can take full credit for the idea!! Anywayz, please enjoy this chapter, because i believe this is the best chapter i've ever written. xxxxxxx

Author's Note 2: While writing a certain sentence, a dance song popped into my head, and the lyrics really fitted with the story, so even if you haven't a clue of the song (and i couldn't tell you who sings it either, coz i dunno), you can appreciate the lyrics when you read the said sentence!! xxxxxxx

I don't wanna see the sunrise/ I don't wanna see the sun/ I don't wanna see the sunrise/ Cos' when the morning comes/ It'll take you away from me/ Tomorrow you'll be gone/ So far away from me/ I don't wanna see the sun…

A thought had occurred to me, and I was trying to ignore it. It was something I didn't want to think about, but I knew there was too much truth in it, and that I needed to do something about it. It was the only option I could see, but the thought of carrying it out made my stomach churn, and my heart ache. I really didn't want to do it, but it wasn't the time to be selfish. This was about Jared, and it had always been about Jared. I would not be the reason he was going to be thrown out of his own pack.

I was lying in bed, waiting for Jared to arrive. I had left the window open, and I had pulled the covers around me to shield myself from the icy draft. I had been smiling a moment ago, as I thought of Jared coming to 'warm me up', as he put it, but then I was attacked by the plan my mind was formulating, the one my heart didn't want to consider, the one my heart didn't want to hear anything about.

So now I was wincing as the waves of crushing trepidation attacked me, churning my stomach, making me feel sick. I really didn't want to do this. But I knew I had to. It was for him. It was all for him.

I tried to distract myself. I thought about earlier. Jared and I had talked for ages in the car, until my mother had come home. I tried to convince him not to leave the pack, but he stuck to his reasons for doing so like glue. I had wanted to order him, but what if he genuinely not happy in the pack, and had been thinking about leaving anyway? I didn't want to be the reason he was unhappy. So I hadn't known what to do.

He didn't know how lucky he was. He was part of something so absolutely; it was prophesised and he would always be a part of it, even if he left. I didn't have that. I didn't belong to anything; for all intents and purposes I was alone. I knew I had Jared… I was attacked by dread once again.

He said he had to go sort things out. I don't know whether this meant leaving the pack or patching things up with Sam. I didn't ask. Night had fallen, casting a large navy blanket over the once blue sky, the sun setting on the most emotionally charged day of my whole life.

I waited for Jared. I wanted him here with me, so I could appreciate his presence, tell him how much I loved him, and marvel once again at my daydream come true. Yet I wanted him to take as long as possible and prolong his arrival, so I could still anticipate seeing him again, because I wasn't sure when I would be able to wait for him again.

I didn't want to think about that. I rolled over, so that I was staring at the wall. I would think about that when I absolutely had to, and not a moment before.

I wondered whether I had always been a masochist. I was constantly trying to find a way to take any happiness out of my life. But then I reminded myself that I wasn't being selfish. This was for Jared. I had to remember that. I wasn't the only person in the universe. I was trying to keep him happy, and if I got hurt in the process… as long as he was happy the pain was worth it.

My window creaked. I tensed slightly, but I knew it was only Jared. I wanted to turn around to see him, but I was exhausted and drained, and I found my body wouldn't respond. I listened to the sound of his footsteps across the floor, my heart thudding.

"Hello," he breathed in my ear, sending shivers down my spine, hindering my regular breathing, causing my heart to go crazy. He kissed my cheek, and continued spreading kisses down my chin and neck. I was unable to think straight, never mind breathe. I wanted to say something in greeting, but his kisses were too distracting, and I completely forgot how to use my voice.

I shifted so that I was lying on my back, my face looking up into his. He was smiling, his eyes awestruck and saturated with love, and I very nearly decided to just disregard the plans entirely, because they wouldn't be worth it if I couldn't have this everyday. And I could have this everyday. I didn't have to go through with my plans. But as much as I didn't want to admit it, my reasons were valid, and this was for Jared. I would not be selfish.

He lowered his lips to mine, and I felt my willpower crumbling. I ran my fingers through his hair with one hand; my other I had placed on the back of his neck, holding him to me. His hands were holding my face gently, and I realised that if I died tomorrow, I would die extremely happy. Jared was the single most amazing thing in my life, and even though it was a giant cliché to say it, he was the closest thing to heaven I could ever imagine. Nothing else could possibly compare to his kiss, his touch, or how special he made me feel, how loved and appreciated.

He had made me feel like I had actually mattered, like I was someone, like I had been put on this earth for a reason. I had thought I would have been doomed to spend my life with my dreams right in front of me, but just beyond my reach. Never fulfilled, never completely happy. Jared had given me so much, fixed me when I thought I was permanently damaged, given life to an empty shell.

Which led me to my conclusion, my reasons. How could I not give back? I couldn't do all the taking, I couldn't be that selfish, as much as I wanted to. Jared deserved more than that. He deserved to feel the way he had always made me feel; like I belonged. No one likes being an outsider, and I knew that more than anyone.

Jared belonged to that pack. And I was in the way.

I would not be the reason we would both be outsiders. To me, being isolated with no one but Jared wasn't a bad thing, because Jared was all I needed anyway. But I wouldn't do that to Jared. There was more to his life than just me.

So I had formulated my plan, thought out all the details. It would break both of our hearts, but in the long run, maybe in a few years, our wounds would heal. We may be left with scars that would never fade, but at least Jared would have the pack to keep his head up. I, however, would have to make do on my own.

Jared pulled away from the kiss, grinning, and in one swift movement, he was under the covers, holding me in his arms. I snuggled into his warm embrace, knowing I'd have to pull away in a few minutes due to excessive heat, and savouring every moment in his arms. With a heavy heart, I realised I may never experience his embrace again, if I were to go through with my plan.

"Love you," he said sleepily, and I was nearly reduced to tears. How could I hurt him, the way I was about to? Did I even love him? I had to remind myself again that it was because I loved him, that I had to hurt us both.

"Me too," I said, blinking away my tears. Jared would find a way to be happy without me, I knew he would. It was me I should have been worried about, but I couldn't even bear my own thoughts at the moment. I hated myself.

"Did you leave the pack?" I asked him, needing to know the answer. If he had, my plan was destroyed, and I was too late.

"No," he said, with a yawn. "I talked with Sam and we're cool, but I'm still considering it. I don't know."

I nodded, breathing a sigh filled with both relief and pain. It wasn't too late. But it just meant there was nothing to stop me carrying out my plan. I wondered if I had enough strength to even carry it out, but I knew I would gather it from somewhere when the time came.

I reluctantly separated myself from Jared slightly, as I felt myself starting to burn. He kept his arms around me, and I allowed them, not wanting to be completely without his touch. Jared fell asleep quickly, exhausted from the battles of the day, and I watched him, unable to sleep myself. His face was peaceful in slumber, and I wondered if that would last after tomorrow.

I felt sick as I thought of tomorrow. That would have to be the day, because if I left it any longer, I would never be able to leave at all. It would have to be like plaster - rip it off, endure the eye-watering pain, and wait for it to fade. It would only hurt us both more if I pulled it off, bit by bit.

I waited for sleep to claim me, but it had deserted me. I was tortured, as I was forced to watch the sleeping face of the guy I loved, and watch the sun rise, signalling the start of the new day, the day I would have to leave him behind.

I had my eyes closed, even though I knew I wouldn't fall asleep. I just didn't want to watch the time fly away. I felt instinctively when Jared woke, because his eyes watched me. I could have opened my eyes to show I was awake, but I was afraid the second I became lost in his eyes I would abandon my plan. I was looking for any excuse not to carry it out, and I would not let my heart dictate my mind.

My heart leapt as I felt him press his lips gently to mine briefly, and I felt his weight leave the bed as he got up. I knew he was probably going home to get changed, but I wanted to call out to him, and tell him not to go. I listened until all I could hear was silence, and then I opened my eyes.

He was gone. A single tear slid down my cheek, but I wiped it away hurriedly. It was now or never. I got up and dressed automatically, while shutting down. I couldn't allow myself to feel. I knew if I gave into my emotions, I would break down crying. This was way worse than the tidal wave of panic I had felt before; this was quite simply my heart tearing into two.

I had no time for crying, so I refused to feel. I became numb, a shell, a corpse. It was only my brain that kept working, sending impulses to my arms, commanding them to pack; sending impulses to my legs, commanding them to walk out of the front door. A note for Jared was left on my pillow, asking him not to come after me, and explaining why I had done this: for him. Hopefully he would understand my reasons. A note for my mother was left on the kitchen table, telling her I'd be fine and not to worry, and I'd ring her soon. There wasn't much I could say to her, but hopefully she wouldn't blame Jared too much. There was no way I could explain because she wouldn't understand, so the best I had to hope for was that she would accept that this was what I needed to do.

I entered the woods, walking the same path Jared and I had once walked. I tried not to think of him too much, because my heart cracked into another little piece. I concentrated on my plan. Jared usually ran through the woods to my house as a werewolf at night, because it was faster than taking his car and driving around the forest. He had to collect his car in the mornings to pick me up, to take me to school on weekdays, or at the weekends either up to the pack, or he'd drive to somewhere where we could just spend time together, and talk.

So he was now getting his car, but I knew I mightn't have long. Despite my request, I knew he would come after me, try to find me. My pace quickened. If I kept going south, sooner or later I'd end up on a motorway, and I could hitch my way to another town, somewhere far from here.

I could only see emptiness as I looked ahead into the future I had mapped out for myself. It would be a life of loneliness, and I'd be searching for something I had already found, but left behind. I almost turned around and went back, but I forced my legs to keep moving in the same direction. This was the only way I could get Jared to stay in the pack; I wouldn't be in the way anymore.

I kept walking, refusing to feel, refusing to think any longer. I had my mp3 player with me, and I found I couldn't even listen to my Linkin Park music anymore, because every song reminded me of him in some way. I left 'What I've Done' on repeat, using the lyrics as a mantra.

I'll face myself/ cross out what I've become/ erase myself/ I'm forgetting what I've done…

I grew tired after what felt like hours, but I didn't stop. The sun began to set, just barely visible through the mass of trees. I was barely able to comprehend that I had walked all day without a break, but there was much I was still unable to comprehend. Like the fact I would never see Jared again.

This thought slammed into me, taking the breath from my lungs. I tripped over a tree root and landed on my knees on the ground. I didn't bother to struggle back up. I started to sob, gasps of misery that racked through my whole body, tears pouring from my eyes unrelenting, the force of what I had done finally hitting me for the first time. I had left him behind. And I would never see him again. I had walked away from the one true love of my life, and I was filled with so much regret and longing, I could barely breathe.

Almost on cue, rain began to fall from the sky, lightly at first, before lashing down on me like icy needles. I crawled under the shelter of a tree, the rain mixing with my tears. The shelter wasn't much, and didn't keep out the rain completely, but I found I couldn't care. I wanted to drown here. I stared into the gloomy masses of tree trunks, seeing nothing but nothing before me. I had started to shake with cold, and I curled up into a ball, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to forget about everything.

Fatigue attacked me, and I felt my limbs aching from the miles and miles I had walked, the restless night I had spent before it, all sneaking back up on me. I gratefully submerged myself into unconsciousness, the sound of the rain fading from my hearing.

But just before I lost all consciousness, I felt strong, warm arms lift me from the ground, and hold me tightly in a familiar embrace.