A/N. OMG ten chapters? Well I certainly didn't expect it to go this far… I assumed that by now no one would be reviewing and I'd be writing a story that no one was even reading… Man I have such a small amount of faith in my writing XP
Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits basket. Blah blah blah, you get the idea.
Warnings: Boy on boy (aka Yaoi) and mentions of past child abuse, very mild and infrequent bad language.
**Chapter Ten**
By the following Tuesday, Yuki had gone through so many different emotions he was surprised he hadn't just shattered into a million fragments yet. He hadn't thought it was even possible for a human to experience such an array of emotions in less than a week.
Along with feeling completely lost, Yuki felt an incredible amount of guilt, anger, self-hatred, loneliness and confusion. Sometimes he felt them all at once, sometimes one at a time. Sometimes he understood why he felt them, sometimes he could barely comprehend how things had gotten this way. It seemed to be slowly crushing him.
But underneath all of those negative emotions, the rat found that his bewildering love for Haru remained.
He felt horrid for the way they had left things after school on Friday. From what he could tell, when he had begun tripping over his own words Haru had read something else into it, although he wasn't sure exactly what. Yuki supposed that would've been easy to accomplish, even the rat himself wasn't entirely certain of what he had been trying to say. All he knew for sure was that he hadn't wanted Haru to apologise to him. He thought he had been in the process of beginning his own apology but then Haru had left…
He would've liked to have gone after the ox and attempt to explain himself more thoroughly. But when Haru had shrugged him off in an almost violent manner, Yuki recognised the dangerous glint in his eyes. He saw Black Haru lurking beneath the surface. And he had been afraid.
It had been years since the rat had ever actually feared his cousin's other self, but he supposed that in light of recent events, it was hearing Haru yell hurtful things at him that he was scared of. Even though what he had said that day was the horrible truth of the matter, Yuki didn't want to hear it spoken aloud. To acknowledge it only made it more real for him.
Yuki had considered trying to straighten things out by calling Haru, but he felt that was too impersonal. He needed to talk to Haru face-to-face. So then he thought about visiting Haru and talking to him. But several things were stopping him from going through with it; apart from his fear of facing his cousin. For one, Haru lived at the Sohma Estate. To visit him, Yuki would have to go to the place he hated the most in the world and risk seeing the dreadful person that still haunted his nightmares.
It was raining on and off so walking there himself wasn't an option anyway, and then there was the cold that he had developed. His ears and nose were stuffy, his head ached, his temperature was high and he had been coughing and sniffling for the whole weekend. When Yuki wasn't sitting under the heater he was shuffling around the house wearing an extra jumper and thick socks with a blanket wrapped around him at all times.
Tohru had been fussing over him like a frantic mother. Constantly checking his temperature, shooing him to bed early and fixing him hot drinks and special soups that she swore would help him recover. But no matter how much chicken soup Yuki consumed, his health didn't improve much. In fact Tohru and Shigure had refused to let him go to school on Monday, both insisted that he needed at least one more day of rest. Although Yuki was slightly thankful for that; anything to postpone what would most likely be an awkward and uncomfortable conversation with Haru.
But really there were just two things about his being ill that were actually beneficial to him. One was that he was able to blame his foul mood on his sickness and no one questioned him. Not even Kyo. The cat was annoyed however because he wasn't allowed to fight with Yuki under any circumstances. And the rainy weather that the orange haired boy despised so much certainly didn't help the grumpy mood that he was also sporting.
The other reason was that apparently Ayame had been overly eager, or rather more so than usual, to visit Yuki for some reason. But Hatori had informed him of his little brother's sickness and ordered the snake to leave him be until he was well again. No doubt he would come bursting through Shigure's door the moment he was told that Yuki had recovered though. The rat wondered exactly why Ayame was so adamant about visiting him all of a sudden. Then again, he knew his older brother could be rather random and impulsive so he didn't think much of it.
When Tuesday finally came around Yuki forced himself to go to school. Tohru, however, was hesitant to let him attend and insisted that the rat take precautions such as wearing a thermal shirt under his school uniform and keeping some painkillers in his pocket at all times in case his headache came back. She also made him promise to go home or at least take himself to the school nurse if he began to feel worse.
At any rate, Yuki arrived at school with great anxiety. He was going to make sure he talked to Haru properly before the day was out; but he didn't think the lunch breaks would be long enough and before classes wasn't an option. He knew for a fact that Haru's class had a PE lesson at the same time as his on a Tuesday but he doubted he would get a chance to speak to him then anyway. So that left after school.
Yuki would find Haru after school and tell him… Well he wasn't entirely sure what. He would apologise for not being open with Haru, for avoiding him and for not explaining himself sooner, but as for the fact that he seemed to be slightly in love with the ox and that he hadn't been able to keep his mind off of him for the entire weekend… Well he wasn't quite sure if he was ready to tell him that part yet...
He tried hard to focus on his classes and he succeeded… partially. His mind kept drifting and thinking about Haru, whether it was a fantasy involving the two boys and an empty house all to themselves (he especially liked those ones…) or the way Haru had screamed that awful evening. Thankfully though each time Yuki managed to snap back into reality and remind himself that he was still in class before he got into trouble for spacing out and ignoring his work and teacher again.
Although Mr. Nakamura, who was most definitely the school's least favourite teacher by now, sneered at him a few times and almost caught Yuki zoning out more than once. It was close.
When the lunch break arrived Yuki wasn't sure whether to be thankful for the reprieve from work or annoyed for having to put up with the awkward atmosphere between him and Haru.
But when the rat walked into the cafeteria and saw Haru sitting there, looking somewhat dreamy and wistful, he felt an odd pang. Up until then he hadn't realised how much he had actually missed Haru over the past few days, no matter how bad things were between them. He prayed that the other teen wasn't beyond forgiving him…
Yuki felt a spark of hope when Haru saw him and gave him a small smile. It wasn't an exuberant smile, in fact the ox looked more relieved if anything, but that didn't matter. It was a smile from Haru and it was enough to make Yuki give him a small one in return. He felt the need to be close to his cousin after several days apart, so before he could let himself over think it, he walked over and took the seat right next to Haru. He took it as a good sign when the younger teen didn't move away or ask him to set somewhere else, even though he did look marginally shocked that the rat had chosen to sit next to him.
Yuki wished so badly that Haru would close the small gap between them, grab onto his shirt or sling his arm over Yuki's shoulders casually the way he had done thousands of times before. The rat found he missed the contact terribly.
You never know what you have until it's gone…
He continually glanced at Haru out of the corner of his eye, silently drinking in the features of the boy with the white hair. He had always admitted to himself that he thought Haru was a good looking boy, but nowadays he just seemed to be more and more attractive each time Yuki saw him. The only thing that was getting in the way of him properly admiring the ox was his clothes…
Unfortunately, Yuki's little fantasy was interrupted when he began coughing again. He closed his eyes and covered his mouth with his hands as he tried to breathe between the coughs that hurt his sore throat and he felt that someone was kind enough to rub his back in a soothing manner as well as a hand gripping onto his arm.
Yuki was sick of having a cold. He wanted his body to hurry up and return to its normal state of health so that he had at least one less problem to worry about. Once his coughing had eased and he was able to take in long, shaky breaths, Yuki opened his eyes again and the first thing his sight locked onto was Haru's concerned face.
At first he flinched in shock at the way Haru's usually emotionless eyes practically screamed worry at him, but the thought that his illness caused Haru's concern made him feel… cared for. Now he realised that it was Haru who had been soothing him and who was still gripping his arm in a worried manner
"Are you okay?" he asked, looking straight at Yuki for the first time in days.
Yuki nodded as he cleared his throat and croaked, "Better now," though he was annoyed at his cold, he found he was still glad of the physical contact he was receiving from Haru because of it.
"Yuki, you look really bad," Momiji's voice suddenly popped up, "Do you think maybe you should go home?"
"Momiji's right Yuki," Tohru's very maternal concern was showing itself again, "We do have a sports lesson next," Kyo just frowned at her comment. Yuki suspected that the cat was hoping for an opportunity to contend him in some way in their sports lesson.
Any other day Yuki might have considered going home, he really did still feel unwell, but he had to stay so he could talk to Haru alone later, "No, that's not necessary," he shook his head, "I'll be fine,"
After reassuring his friends a few more times that he was well enough to stay at school, Yuki couldn't help but be aware of the fact that Haru was still holding onto his arm and that his hand was still resting on his back. He stared down at the slender digits enclosed around his forearm, God how he wanted to intertwine his own fingers with them…
Haru's gaze followed Yuki's and he seemed to slowly register that he was still touching him. Rather suddenly, he removed his hands and returned them to his sides. Yuki began to miss the contact immediately; his skin still felt warm where Haru had touched him…
Eventually the break ended and the group made their way to the gym. Once the boys were in the male change room, although he pretended not to, Yuki couldn't help but sneak glances at Haru when the younger teen removed his shirt. But he was forced to discontinue analysing Haru's body when the ox turned around and saw Yuki looking at him. The rat snapped his eyes back to the ground and he felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment.
After that he refused to allow himself to even so much as look at his cousin as they walked out of the change rooms and split up to join their classes. Yuki mentally scolded himself for ogling Haru when he was supposed to be staying calm and focused.
As it turned out, both of their classes were on the oval for that lesson. They were running sprint races and Haru's class was up first. But of course the ox was unable to participate because of his leg injury. Momiji, on the other hand, went in the race but came third last. He had plenty of energy to run but he was the smallest boy in his class and his legs were just too short to carry him fast enough to win.
Haru was sitting with some of his other classmateson the grass and Yuki's eyes stayed glued to him as the white haired boy watched the rabbit and his classmates run across the oval. He tried to search for indications of any kind of emotion, but Haru remained as externally impassive as ever. In fact, he seemed especially stoic, even more so than usual. Was he trying to hide something?
"You know Yuki, I think you'd find things would be much better if you simply told Hatsuharu the truth," Hana's eerie voice suddenly snaked its way into Yuki's ears.
He jumped and whirled around to find that his female class mate was standing right behind him, "What do you mean by that?" he asked her, narrowing his eyes.
"Don't be so naïve," she huffed, "I think you know exactly what I'm talking about," she cast him another one of those unsettling, all knowing smiles she seemed to be giving him an awful lot lately and stalked off to join Tohru and Arisa.
Yuki was left wonder; just how much did Saki Hanajima know? Perhaps more than he would've liked…
Eventually Yuki's class began running races and it was just his luck that amongst a few other boys, he was against Kyo in his race.
"Yes!' Kyo punched the air as though he had already won the race, "Alright ya damn rat, it's on! Get ready to eat my dust!"
"Have you ever considered the possibility that I do not care about your pathetic little inferiority complex?" Yuki sighed as Kyo snarled at him, "Let's just get this over with,"
The rat and the cat lined up at the start alongside the other boys, Yuki looked over to see his friends all watching and cheering, waiting for the race to begin. For a fleeting moment he wondered who was cheering for whom, and then the race started.
He and Kyo were ahead of all the others right from the start, it may as well have been a race exclusively between the two Sohma boys.
Just as Yuki had expected, Kyo taunted him as they ran, telling him all about how he was going to beat the rat. But in the end Yuki was ahead of him and won the race, much to the chagrin of his orange haired cousin.
"Dammit!" Kyo cursed once the race was over. He pointed at Yuki in an accusing manner and yelled slightly breathlessly, "I'll beat you next time, ya damn rat!"
Yuki, however, was not paying attention to him. He was bent over with his hands on his knees struggling for breath and coughing loudly. Tohru and Haru both ran over to him straight away, the ox began trying to soothe him again as Tohru spoke to Yuki.
"Yuki! Are you alright? Is it your asthma?" she asked frantically.
"I just," pause for several coughs, "I just need a moment… to catch… my breath…"
The onigiri and the ox remained by his side, worrying silently until his breathing regulated and he stood up straight, which unfortunately meant that Haru removed his hands again. By now several students and the sports teachers had their attention turned towards the trio.
"You alright, Sohma?" Yuki's sport teacher asked, "You need to see the school nurse?"
Yuki shook his head, "I'm fine," he took a long, deep breath and turned towards Tohru and Haru, "Really, I am,"
Hesitantly, they left him alone, but both kept an eye on him as he went to rejoin the others sitting on the grass. He wasn't lying, for a moment he had thought he was going to have an attack but it seemed it had just been his cold giving him grief.
But apparently Haru wasn't completely convinced and he came and sat next to Yuki on the ground, the rat smiled at him immediately. For a moment he was hopeful that he was going to receive some sort of physical contact from the younger teen again. But the ox just looked… well, slightly surprised that Yuki seemed happy to see him. It was another reminder for Yuki that he had to set some things straight between them. Hana's words came back to whisper in his head, "Things would be much better if you simply told Hatsuharu the truth,"
Would they? Yuki wondered. Was there a chance that Haru would accept his love, and maybe even return it? He had always openly expressed rather… affectionate behaviour towards Yuki prior to the incident at the Secret he had never actually properly explained himself; did he really love Yuki that way? If he did, it would probably explain why Haru had been so enraged when he thought Yuki was in love with someone else…
He continued to ponder this as Momiji's class began to run races again and he and the ox watched their younger cousin run as fast he could, the energetic rabbit managed to make it to third place this time. All the while Yuki was incredibly aware of the fact that Haru was sitting next to him, glancing at him every so often; he appeared to still be worried about Yuki. Evermore, the rat wished for some kind of display of the familiar affectionate behaviour from him…
Eventually it was Yuki's turn again and Kyo was immediately pumped for the race, "Alright rat, rematch! I swear I'll beat you this time!" he yelled.
"How strange," Yuki said as he stood up and walked over to the start line, regretfully leaving Haru (who seemed slightly on edge now that Yuki was about to race again) behind, "I feel as though I've heard that somewhere before…"
"Damn you…" Kyo snarled through his teeth as he joined Yuki.
Like the race before, as soon as it began the rat and the cat were ahead of everyone else, and everyone expected Yuki to suddenly race past his cousin just as he had before. So they were all rather shocked when halfway through the race his steps began to falter and he began to slow, allowing Kyo to speed ahead of him.
He wasn't doing it on purpose though; Yuki was having trouble breathing again. He could practically feel his windpipe shrinking and his legs were starting to feel weak…
When Yuki staggered over the finish line in second place, Kyo immediately spun around to mock him, "Ha! I told you I'd- Hey? Yuki…?" the cat stopped his proud yelling when he saw his cousin suddenly drop onto his knees and begin coughing violently.
Yuki heard Haru call out his name, and then he and Tohru were beside him again. But he was having trouble hearing exactly what everyone around him was saying over the sound of his own gasping and wheezing. He recognised the frantic yelling of his friends, the confused voices of his fellow students and he was almost certain he could hear his teacher asking someone questions in a panicked tone.
It seemed that no matter how much he gasped and coughed, he just couldn't get any air into his lungs. Now he was worried, it was an asthma attack for sure. But the more he panicked about his lack of air, the harder it became to breathe at all. Yuki heard more yelling around him, it sounded like his teacher was barking out orders now, but he wasn't sure because his hearing was becoming somewhat fuzzy…
He tried to talk, to tell them that his inhaler was in the pocket of his school jacket in his locker, but his whole head felt heavy and he could barely speak. In the end, all that came out of his mouth was another cough and then a wheezy, "Can't… breath…"
As soon as those words escaped his lips, the rat felt a pair of strong arms suddenly wrap themselves around him, lift him up and clutch him close to something warm and comforting. Yuki opened his eyes and looked up to see that it was Haru who had picked him up and was now running awkwardly with him in his arms. Of course it's Haru, Yuki thought to himself, He's always there… always looking after me…
"It's alright Yuki," Haru panted as he ran in a limped fashion towards the school's main building, "I've got you, don't worry. You'll be fine!"
He sounded as though we was trying to convince himself as well as the rat, but nonetheless Yuki believed him wholeheartedly. He pressed himself closer to the warmth of Haru's body and the last thought that ran through his mind before his vision blurred and he lost consciousness was, Everything's going to be fine. Haru's here, he'll look after me, he always does…
A/N. Oh dear! Yuki didn't get to talk to Haru! I'm not very nice to the boys, am I? They can't have an instant happy ending as soon as Yuki realises he loves Haru. Nuh uh. But it makes it far more interesting I think! More review thankies to:
yukixharuyaoi- Thanks! Heh, I know! It seems to be my preferred genre for fanfiction XD. BUT, I have begun writing the date-fic you requested! :D
Tuliharja- I know, I feel sorry for them too and I wrote the damn story! Lol! Haha yeah, really both are hiding their feelings because they think they won't be accepted; and in Yuki's case it's also because he's not usually good at being honest about his emotions and he's worried about his 'reputation', so to speak. Ha, yeah it would be very cliché if Tohru were to comfort Yuki, no matter how in-character it is! XD
tahira- Haha! That's totally what I keep thinking as I write scenes between the two, this story almost seems to have a mind of its own! But there WILL be a confession of love sooner or later! :D
Pheonix09- Thank you! I hope you've been enjoying it! ^_^
Niouyuki- Yay! A new reviewer! XD. Yes it is rather sad, isn't it? I pity the poor Sohma boys too, Haru in particular as well. The poor ox doesn't really fully know what's going on so he's left to assume the worst but thank you for reviewing!
Wolfysrain- Really! One of your favourites! OMFG! *is so incredibly happy right now!* Thank you soo much! Hehe, yeah I decided to use the Japanese term for rice-ball because referring to a living person as an edible object was just… odd! XD
One word: review.
Thank ya for reading! ^.^