Two days later, things changed. Ruth was almost asleep when Harry's mobile rang, jarring her awake. She listened to one side of the conversation in confusion, and Harry's frown did not make her feel confident at all. All she worked out was that he was talking to Malcolm. By the time he disconnected the call he looked less than happy. He got into bed next to her and sighed.
"What is it?" Ruth asked quietly.
"I have to go back to London," he said. "And as soon as possible."
"Why?" Ruth asked, fear suddenly filling her. "Is something wrong?"
"Not as such," he said. "But I've been away from my job long enough. And questions are being asked. About my ability to cope in a high pressured environment if I need to take a month off because one of my officers dies. I've been given extra time because of… our relationship, but that's run out."
"Ah," Ruth said. "I understand. So you're leaving?"
"I have to," he said. "I'll lose my job, which isn't what either of us want. We're trying to get yours back after all. Plus I'll have to keep us in nappies."
Ruth didn't find the attempt at humour funny. "Will it be okay?"
"Yeah, of course. I'll probably be subjected to some psychological evaluation, but I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll charm her."
"But not too much," she said, smiling at him. "I don't want you to charm the psychologist so much so that she falls in love with you."
"I think the danger of that happening is very minimal," Harry said. "You seem calmer," he said, changing the subject. "And happier."
"I am calmer," she said. "I've had time to think about it. And get over my mini meltdown. I'm still not happy that I'm pregnant when my house is currently owned by an MI5 hidden account and that I'm pretending to be dead. Its less than ideal Harry, whichever way you look at it."
"I know," he agreed. "Its not ideal. But I'm never going to regret our child."
"I didn't say I regretted it," she said. "And I know that when I hold our newborn, I will be thrilled and emotional and a thousand other things that new mothers feel."
"Sound less enthused," he said sarcastically.
"You know what I mean," Ruth said, smiling at him. "I'm not going to go all gooey over my pregnancy every day for the next nine months. Anyway, apart from being damn inconvenient timing, I am looking forward to our child. And I've made an appointment for my first scan. Which, now you probably won't be able to come to," she added sadly.
"When? Which hospital? With which identity?" He spoke very quickly and Ruth raised her eyebrows at him.
"Rachel Evans," she said. "The seventeenth at St Mary's."
"I'll be there."
"You can't promise that Harry. Not when you're going back to London," Ruth said. "So don't promise. Not if I'm only going to be let down. I'll hate going without you anyway," she added bitterly.
"You will not be going without me," Harry said firmly. "I'll leave Adam in charge. God knows he's had enough practice."
"Fine," Ruth said. "So I'll be here on my own then?"
"Yes," he said. "I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you."
"Promise me you'll call me," she said, letting go of rationality and sounding near desperation for a moment. "I don't like being so far away from human activity anyway, but I need to know you'll call."
"Of course I will," he said. "Every day."
"Good," she said, looking a little relieved. "And I want to be in my own house by the time this one's kicking. Otherwise I'm going to be pissed off."
"It's going to be sorted out soon, I know it," Harry said. "Malcolm said he was close."
"God I hope so." Ruth buried her head in his chest. "When are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow. I'm sorry," he added at her gasp.
"This is so bloody unfair," Ruth said as Harry stroked her hair. "We give our lives for our country and we're rewarded with prison or an early grave. I hate this."
"I know." Harry kissed her gently. "You know, when the baby's born… you don't have to go back to work if you don't want to. This'll all be sorted out by then."
"No," she said. "I can't give up work just because I'm a mother. I don't want that to be all I am. I like to be busy, and I like my job."
"Okay," he said. "Dropped."
"Good, thank you." She shifted in the bed closer to him and Harry kissed her hair again as her hands wandered over his chest slowly. "Well, as you're abandoning me…"
"I'm not abandoning you, I have no choice," Harry interrupted.
"Let me finish," Ruth said, her eyes wide. Harry nodded once. "As you're abandoning me tomorrow we should make tonight count." Her hand drifted lower and he got the point, grinning at her. Not since the day on the bridge when Ruth had been crying had they made love. It was only three days ago but it felt like a lot longer. A lot had happened since then.
It was slow and tender and breathtaking between them. Ruth found herself collapsed on Harry's chest, her body exhausted, sated and satisfied. She drifted off to sleep instantly. Harry didn't. He held her gently and wondered when he'd next be able to do this.