Donovan: Hello, everyone! Welcome back to WFA Wikipedia: Fact Or Fiction! I'm Donovan and I'm here with Adam…
(Computer screen shows Adam, who tips his fedora to the camera.)
Donovan: Mario…
(Computer screen shows Mario, who seemed to have lost some weight.)
Donovan: And Tom!
(Computer screen shows Tom, who waves to the camera.)
Donovan: And today we are here with not just one, but TWO guests today. Let's give a warm 'hello' to Jeff Rizzo and Ryen Valenteen!
(Computer screen shows Jeff Rizzo and Ryen Valenteen. Both have their hair in ponytails. Ryen is resting her head on Jeff's shoulder.)
Jeff: Hiya.
Adam: Alright, Jeff, Ryen, how's it going?
Jeff: *Shrugs* Well for one, we aren't dating anymore.
Tom: Sarcasm?
Jeff: Nope. I'm actually completely serious. Ryen?
(Ryen gives a big smile before lifting her left hand, revealing an engagement ring.)
Adam: Ah, y'all look real ebullient! Both for this interview and your future love life!
Ryen: Eb...Eboliant?
Adam: Ebullient - zestfully enthusiastic. I'm a published novelist, so I know big words.
Ryen: Oh, grazie.
Jeff: I proposed a month ago. My best buddy, Evan Neal, helped me set it up. We went to her favorite restaurant, Cracker Barrel. I don't think they have that in Italy. Anyways, she didn't try it until she got to America and she fell in love with it. We ate there and then went to the park, where Evan and the rest of Evan Empire, reluctantly of course, had set up this whole beautiful scene.
Mario: Huh, I didn't know Evan had a heart…
Ryen: I know right! I mean, he did do a whole list of badness on his own best friend!
Donovan: I actually heard that vary list was mainly exaggerated, especially #1.
Jeff: Oh. Definitely.
Donovan: Anyways, I think we're doing a Sullivan and are burying the lead here. Basically, what we're going to do is read some things off your Wikipedia page, and you'll determine whether or not it's true or false, and maybe elaborate if needed. Is that cool?
Mario: Keep in mind - regardless if you're cool with it or not - you're still doing it. I'm not even sure why Donovan presents it as a choice.
Donovan: Mario… be nice.
Ryen: Wait slow down. Elaborate? Regardless? What do those mean.
(Jeff whispers in her ear as a look of realization washes over her face.)
Ryen: Oh okay. That's cool.
Tom: Alright, since I miraculously won the dice toss - somehow, someway, I actually did - I'm going first! Let's start with Jeff's date of birth. It says you, Jeffrey Miguel Rizzo, were born on November 12, 1993 in Puebla, Mexico.
Jeff: Half true. I was born then, but I was born in Miami, Florida. Dammit Tom, my parents aren't even from Puebla, you racist.
Tom: Don't blame me! Blame Wikipedia, they provide this shit!
Mario: Wow, Tom. Are you calling Jeff's life and career 'shit?'
Ryen: What a dick.
Tom: Seriously? Do you even know what 'dick' means?
Ryen: Something you lack?
Jeff: HOLY FUCK!
Adam: Roasted by someone whose first language isn't English…
Tom: *exaggerated sigh* I hate my life…
Jeff: Next question. Not from Tom.
Adam: Alright, moving on… it says that your mother Josefina was a hooker and your father Esteban was a conman. Sorry if I pronounced them wrong.
Jeff: Better than Ryen did when she first met them.
Ryen: *giggles* Okay calm down.
Donovan: Alright, next is says that you have three siblings - an older brother and two younger sisters.
Jeff: Correct. Home life was chaotic.
Adam: Mind telling us a bit about your siblings?
Jeff: Sure! José is quiet, but is a great guy. He is solid in the ring as well, but lacks in personality other than being a bodyguard. Ana-María and Isabel are polar opposites. Ana is quiet and shy while Isabel...was quite popular with the guys in college if you catch my drift.
Ryen: What drift?
Jeff: Nothing amor.
Mario: Moving on, it says during school, you were bullied for being like Tom over there - a fucking nerd.
Jeff: I wasn't that much of a loser. I at least had good looks and a likable personality, plus I was athletic. My only problem was that I liked gaming more than the other boys.
Tom: I would've guessed it was your love of dubstep or your "sexual insecurities."
Jeff: What do you know about sex, Tom? Also, Dubstep wasn't really around when I was younger, you idiot.
Tom: Okay, it says you eventually began your wrestling training at Zero Fear Wrestling.
Jeff: True. Can I talk to someone else now? Tom is hurting my eyes.
Adam: *raises hand* My turn - it says that starting out, you acted like a babyface, but over time you developed a more gasconading persona.
(Jeff breaks out laughing as Ryen gives Adam a confused look.)
Ryen: Gasconcading? Gasocancading? What the hell dude?
Adam: It means "to brag." Akin to your fiance's current gimmick, he's always seemed to be the braggy type.
Jeff: True. I started out under simply Rizzo. I ended up having a double turn with 'Exquisite.'
Ryen: What's-
Jeff: Fancy. Tank Gibbs. I started going by Jeff after that until 2015, when I became known as Jeff Rizzo.
Donovan: It says during your end days at ZFW, you were offered a contract by Ring of Honor.
Jeff: Correct. I was, along with Tank and Kevin Webb.
Adam: You seemed to be quite successful in Ring of Honor, you won the ROH Television Championship once, but you did put on stellar matches.
Jeff: I always do. Always.
Donovan: Any memorable matches?
Jeff: Tank Gibbs vs Kevin Webb vs Me for the ROH Television Championship. Webb pinned me and I have yet to forgive him.
(Ryen gets up and leaves.)
Adam: Where's she going?
Jeff: Oh, she forgot to put in her maskers.
Adam: Oh, I thought it was something Tom did…
Jeff: Tom doesn't help her Tinnitus, with his high pitched voice, killing Dolphins and Bats with such a high frequency.
Tom: My voice isn't even that high!
(Ryen sits back down.)
Tom: Hello again, Ryen. I hope you didn't hear all that trash talked about you from everybody.
Ryen: Oh ciao again. I did and I know it was about you, Tommy. Anyways, sorry everyone, my ears were starting to hurt. Please continue.
Mario: Alright, next it says while wrestling in ROH, Jeff also did shows in PWG, where he also became a PWG World Champion during his tenure there.
Ryen: Ten-
Jeff: Time, Ryen. Yes I did. It was a glorious moment.
Donovan: Remind us, who did you win the said title from?
Jeff: *inhales* Oh crap, who was it..? I think it was-
Tom: I got it, it was Joey Ryan, he YouPorn-Plexed you into next week!
Jeff: Shut the hell up, Tom! It was against Krueger. He is newer to the WFA, but he is a great talent. Almost broke my damn jaw.
Ryen: ….YouPorn-Plexed?
Jeff: Don't worry about it. You really don't want to know.
Ryen: Oh… okay.
Donovan: It says that during your days in ROH, you even made appearances with New Japan due to their shared partnership. But eventually, when your contract with ROH expired, you signed with Japan full-time.
Jeff: Not exactly. I was offered a deal that let me work both companies, but I had to drop PWG during that time.
Adam: And Wikipedia pulls another Tom move…
Ryen: Tom è terribile.
Adam: Well, either way, you went onto New Japan and became their IWGP Junior Heavyweight Champion, which you claimed to be "one of the best titles you won in your career."
Jeff: Correct. The match was really good, too. I beat "The Queen's Favorite Son" Tim Michaels. One of my favorite spots in that match was the ending spot where Tim nailed me with his Canadian Destroyer. He fell back into the corner and I popped up and hit the Rizzo Kick for the win. The crowd wasn't happy.
Tom: Wasn't Tim Michaels the guy who somewhat alluded to his wife becoming his valet… after she just gave birth?
Ryen: Che diavolo è "alluded"?
Jeff: English please.
Ryen: What the hell is alluded?
Jeff: Dammit Tom.
Tom: It's proper English-
Jeff: She's proper Italian, you idiot.
Tom: Yeah, she comes from the place that gave us pizza and leaning towers.
Ryen: That is racist.
Tom: Truth… and delicious.
Mario: Okay, moving on. It says while in Japan, you also made appearances in CMLL.
Jeff: False. I wasn't in Japan, I was in Mexico.
Mario: You know what I mean, dipstick.
Jeff: I made a couple appearances. José and I had a couple of tag matches.
Donovan: Now, while it says you became a two-time IWGP Junior Heavyweight Champion, you were eventually contacted by the WWE, and you signed a contract with them.
Jeff: Correct. I signed to NXT while I was in my second reign.
Adam: Yep, it says after you dropped the title to Shinjuku Star, you appeared in the audience for an NXT TakeOver.
Jeff: False. My first match/debut was actually for the NXT Championship. It was a signing bonus. I defeated reigning Champion, Sin.
Adam: Well, I somewhat suspected that was false, cause it didn't mention what TakeOver. But yeah, it says in your debut, you immediately won the NXT title.
Jeff: Yup, only took two Rizzo Kicks to put down Trey Irving's best buddy.
Tom: Any memorable moments as NXT Champion?
Jeff: My feud with Paul Catapult. It was fantastic and tragic.
Mario: How exactly was it 'tragic?'
Jeff: Well, Paul had already been in NXT for about a year, maybe two. He had quickly become the most loved wrestler in NXT, dubbed "The Heart of NXT". In our feud, I kept cheating over and over again to retain. It was beginning to feel hopeless for the fans before...he won, yay.
Tom: Now, it says that during your time in NXT, you were always hesitant to be called up, fearing it'll "put your career on the wrong tracks."
Jeff: No Tom! You might not understand this, I mean look at you. I can jump higher than you can run. I wasn't worried because Vincent Kennedy McMahon was high on me. He loved my matches, my promos, and my abs!
Adam: *starts singing* Vince McMahon loves big sweaty men! Vince McMahon loves big sweaty men!
Ryen: Uhhh…
Jeff: It's nothing, amor.
Donovan: Now, Wikipedia says you were called up, and you were put into an "odd couple" tag team, with long-time rival, Tank Gibbs.
Jeff: Not true. I got called up and immediately continued my feud with that leprechaun. A couple of months later, however, Ultraviolet attacked both of us. We started teaming together in a attempt to outdo each other while trying to get revenge on UV.
Mario: It paid off, though, because you both eventually became Raw Tag Team Champions at TLC in 2017.
Jeff: For one WHOLE day.
Adam: ….and after that day, you dropped them to the Darkest Souls.
Jeff: So in WWE, the Darkest Souls are unbeatable. We only won them in a ladder match. The next day, these two are more aggressive and focused than ever. They beat us and break Tank's leg. The next week, I turned on Tank at a house show by kicking his crutch out from under him. José then debuted and we hit UpUpDownDown on him.
Donovan: So, with Tank out of the picture, you began to tag with José.
Jeff: Yup. Rizzo Bros reunite. *sings similar to the Rizzo Bros theme* Our points racked up, we were on the winning team. Everyone else's score was up, but they can't beat us.
Ryen: Boooo...
Adam: Well, looks like Jeff won't be proving music services at your wedding.
Jeff: I tried to convince Ryen to sing, but she has stagefright.
Adam: Now, while you and José teamed, you entered the picture for the IC Championship.
Jeff: That was recent actually. I joined that scene when I decided against fighting The Darkest Souls again.
Adam: That's true, it says that you won the Intercontinental Championship at the Greatest Royal Rumble from Nathan Payne at the BEAUTIFUL AND PROGRESSIVE KINGDOM OF JEDDAH, SAUDI ARABIA!
Ryen: Beautiful if you don't mind the sexism.
Donovan: Though it wasn't until Extreme Rules you dropped the title to Dolph Ziggler.
Jeff: Yeah...
Tom: Well… that's about it! But before we move on to your personal life, why don't we take a look at Ryen Valenteen?
Ryen: Oh? Uh… me?
Adam: Off course, you have your own Wikipedia page!
Ryen: It doesn't have an embarrassing picture of me, does it? Like me after a match, all sweaty and stuff.
Donovan: ...Your page doesn't even have a picture of you.
Ryen: Oh thank God.
Jeff: No picture can express your beauty, so why bother?
Adam: Alright, first things first, it says you - Ryen Carlotta Valenteen - were born August 29, 1994; in Florence, Italy.
Ryen: Correct on all accounts. I am one year younger than Jeff.
Mario: It says your father was a priest while your mother was a housewife.
Ryen: Uh yep. My mom was very...umm.. *snaps fingers* Careless? No, not that. It's where you are likely to accidentally break something or trip or something.
Donovan: ….Clumsy?
Ryen: Yes, that! She couldn't work because she was so clumsy. Like, she tried to work at a store once, but tipped over a whole shelf.
Donovan: It says you trained to become a wrestler in a small - and unnamed - Italian promotion and…. Uh, that's it. Well, other than your personal life, limited moveset, and themes….
Tom: ….Huh, did you actually use Tyler, the Creator's "Yonkers" as a theme?
Ryen: Yonkers? What's that?
Jeff: No, she didn't.
Ryen: I've only used Fairly Local as a theme. The only promotions that I've worked in were too small to have custom themes or anything. The WFA is the first major company that I've worked in in my couple year-long career.
Mario: Alright, that wraps up Ryen's. Time to look back to Jeff and his personal life. First, it says you're in a relationship with fellow WFA wrestler Ryen Valenteen - which is obviously true.
Jeff: Actually no. Who is this Ryen Valenteen? *Jeff shrugs as Ryen giggles*
Tom: Next it says you're diagnosed with ADHD, avoidant personality disorder, and circadian rhythm sleep disorder.
Jeff: Yeah. I've had all three my entire life. It makes wrestling a bit difficult, especially with the last two.
Donovan: And lastly, it says you are a Christian.
Jeff: Correct, but I have no specific allegiance. I'm not Catholic, Lutheran, or anything like that. I'm just Christian.
Mario: Okay, moving onto Ryen's 'personal life' section. It says that you have two older brothers, one younger brother, and one younger sister. So… must've been a full house.
Ryen: Yup! *laughs* My older brothers are Alfonso and Angelo. My younger brother is Emilio, a.k.a. Dante Valenteen in the Supernova Cup. My little sister is named Bianca.
Adam: Moving on… oh wow, uhh…
Ryen & Jeff: Disorders?
Adam: ...Eight disorders. It says you have dyscalculia, generalized anxiety disorder, separation anxiety, intermittent explosive disorder, misophonia, nightmare disorder, sleep paralysis, and tinnitus… Funny, the other day YMMV's Beyong said you had some disorders, but he never said you had… eight…
Ryen: *sighs* Yeah, I've had most of them my entire life.
Donovan: How was it like living with them all?
Ryen: In one word? Terrifying. My dyscalculia caused me to fail math every year. My Tinnitus was gained when I was a teenager because I loved to play guitar and I would hook it up to amps without wearing muffs, so I might go deaf one day. My generalized anxiety disorder still affects me a lot. I have to triple check that every door is locked, along with every window.
Tom: That last one sounds more like OCD.
Mario: Shut up, nerd.
Ryen: Nope, I'm actually really messy. Anyways, my separation anxiety acts out whenever Jeff is gone, as he is the only one who can keep me from freaking out. My intermittent explosive disorder has been a problem since I was little. My parents just said I was having my period, but it was so irregular. They didn't listen till I was diagnosed. My misophonia has almost gotten me to kill my fiancé because he is noisy. *Jeff laughs* Then comes my Sleep Paralysis and Nightmare Disorder.
Jeff: They really fuck with her.
Ryen: It still happens to this day. I will be having a nightmare. I wake up and find that I can't move and this demonic creature from my nightmares is now sitting on my chest, glaring into my eyes. When I was younger, my dad thought it was a literal demon, so he put up crosses in my room, which did nothing.
Mario: How did you come to terms with your mental conditions?
Ryen: I just did, ya know? I realized it's better to be diagnosed with all of these rather than have schizophrenia or something. Jeff is up with me most nights to make sure I don't freak out. He is also the only one who can knock me out of my paralysis.
Adam: And lastly on your personal life section, it says you are friends with certain WFA talent like Natalia Rodriguez, Erin Frost, Katie Striker, Mason Rivers, and Seth Sullivan.
Ryen: I'm friends with them, as well as The Wet Dream Team, which has caused some jokes that I'd rather hang out with Sabre than Jeff. I'm really good friends with Seth Sullivan though. He was one of the first people I met when I got signed. He was really welcoming and was the one that convinced me to give Jeff a second date after he fucked up the first one.
Mario: Oh? Do we get a funny first date story now?
(Jeff groans as Ryen perks up.)
Ryen: Why yes you do! I'm gonna tell this story at our wedding too.
Jeff: *hand in face* Please don't.
Ryen: So here's what happens- This cute Mexican dude was one of the...uh…
Jeff: Recruiters.
Ryen: Yeah that, he was a recruit-ier for SSW. Now, I've never seen a Mexican before, I live in Italy, what the hell do you expect. He comes over and starts flirting his ass off.
Jeff: *Mutters* I hate my life.
Tom: What did he say?
Ryen: *poorly imitating the Spanish Accent that Jeff does not have* Ello bebe, want some fuck?
Jeff: I DID NOT SAY THAT!
Ryen: He didn't, but that would've been hilarious. Anyways, he is calling me beautiful and saying he likes my hair and shit before he asks me to dinner. I agree because why not, I'm hungry and if this dude wants to buy me dinner and compliment me all night, that's fine with me.
Donovan: Where does he take you?
Jeff: *groans*
Ryen: Yeah, you should feel bad Jeff. This asshole takes me TO OLIVE GARDEN!
Adam: …..Wow.
Jeff: I thought that you would like it cause it's Italian.
Ryen: It most certainly is not Italian. I was reading the menu, trying not to throw up because America fucked up our style of food big time.
Tom: Did you at least enjoy the meal? And what other things did Jeff screw up?
Ryen: *sarcastic laugh* a-no. First off, when we have spaghetti and meatballs, the meatballs are small… always. Also, WHO THE FUCK EATS PASTA WITHOUT SAUCE? WHO THE LITERAL FUCK DOES THAT? AND I'M NOT GETTING INTO HOW AMERICA FUCKED UP PIZZA! Fettuccine Alfredo made me gag just looking at it. So here I sit, Senor Jeff over here flirting with me while I try not to puke over how these dishes look. I decide that I'm too hungry to care and take the chance by ordering the Fettuccine Alfredo. So it arrives and it smells awful, but to Jeff it smells like a field of roses.
Mario: Did you muster the courage to eat it?
Ryen: One. Bite. Afterwards, I spit it into my napkin and I pulled Jeff out of the restaurant.
Adam: Hehe, Bow-Chick-A-Bow-Wow!
Ryen: Ha no. I didn't even recognize him as my boyfriend till our fifth date.
Jeff: It's true. I didn't get her number till then.
Donovan: Date five, huh? How did you survive so many beforehand?
Ryen: He redeemed himself on the second date. Anyways, I drag this stranger named Jeff to my apartment, which was an absolute mess because I wasn't expecting guests.
Adam: Bow-Chick-
Ryen: Shut up, no. I sat him on my couch and went into the kitchen, where I spent almost an hour, using only what I had in the house, to make an authentic Italian Dinner. Jeff took one bite and died and went to heaven. Since then, he has stopped going to Olive Garden and only eats Italian if I cook it.
Mario: And apparently the Italian was so good he came back from the dead to eat some more.
Ryen: Right? I'm still trying to convince him to eat Casu marzu, but he refuses.
Donovan: Okay, it seems like we've wrapped up with the Wiki pages. But before we can let you go, it's time for a new game - Who's Most Likely To! Basically, we'll ask you questions regarding which of you two are most likely to do a certain action. Sound cool?
Mario: ….Still asking them if they're 'cool with it' when you're going to make them do it anyways!
Ryen: It's illegal otherwise.
Jeff: That was bad, Ryen… We are ready.
Donovan: Starting in 3… 2… 1!
Adam: Who's most likely to have weird phobias?
Ryen: Me.
Jeff: Ryen.
Mario: Who's most likely to get arrested?
Ryen: Me.
Jeff: Ryen.
Tom: Who's most likely to take in a stray animal?
Ryen: Me.
Jeff: Ry- Okay this is getting a bit repetitive. *Ryen breaks out laughing*
Donovan: Who's most likely to be a stand-up comedian?
Jeff & Ryen: Me.
Jeff: No, not you Love.
Adam: Who's most likely to win the lottery?
Jeff: Ryen.
Ryen: I'm Italian, as Jeff puts it. I guess that means I'm more lucky or something.
Mario: Who's most likely to punch Jason Sabre in the face?
Ryen: Me.
Jeff: I honestly don't know. Probably Ryen because I like Sabre outside the ring.
Tom: Who's most likely to walk outside naked?
Jeff: Me.
Ryen: Oh definitely Jeff.
Donovan: Who's most likely to become a high school teacher?
Ryen: Me.
Jeff: Ryen. She likes kids more.
Adam: Who's most likely to appear on a reality game show?
Jeff: I'm not sure.
Ryen: I guess both of us.
Mario: Who's most likely to vomit in a public place?
Jeff: Ryen, because she has done it.
Ryen: Oh shush.
Tom: Who's most likely to be the better cook?
Jeff: This may surprise you, but…
Ryen: It's obviously me. I'm Italian. We are all good cooks.
Donovan: And finally, who's most likely to hog all the blankets?
(Ryen giggles.)
Jeff: Not sure… *looks at Ryen* I'm gonna ask my freezing ass in the morning…
Donovan: And just like that, our time is up! Thank you for joining us this evening!
Ryen: Thanks for having us! Ciao!
Jeff: See ya. Oh and screw you Tom!
Donovan: They're Mr. and soon-to-be Mrs. Rizzo! They're Adam, Mario, and Tom. I'm Donovan, and we'll see you next time! Peace!
Hat tip to KiranTheRay for his helping hand!