July 27th, 1999
I've lost track of everything.
Time, my people, the war, the Animorphs, everything. A part of me has given up.
This is the first block of time that Telf has left me alone substantial enough for me to update this pointless diary. No, that's not true, I can't leave him alone, either. When he's not with me, I'm looking for him, because when we're apart, I'm forced to remember everything else, to think about my people, the future, the war, pain and blood and death, I'm forced to plan and mobilize and theorize, and…
I've lost track of everything.
I was responsible two days ago, however. Ferk, one of my comrades-in-arms, found me in my tree while Telf was relieving himself down below. Panicking, I told him that Telf was my newest recruit, that he should inform the rest of my squad that we would train at high noon. Telf climbed back up before I was done speaking with him, and started grabbing and tickling me flirtatiously as I desperately tried to contain the damage. Ferk only smiled as he watched, smiled as he always did, smiled like when he was harvesting bark or playing with the children or disemboweling Taxxons. He left before Telf got too impatient and handsy. Telf asked what that was about, but I didn't get to answer him before he started kissing me and I lost track of what had even just happened.
Somehow, I blinked close enough to reality to realize when it was noon, and Telf accompanied me to the training ground. My squad seemed unusually antsy and uncertain, which confused me for far too long until I realized that it had been three days since I had seen any of them. I normally train with them daily, and even if we don't train, I at least communicate with them, encourage them or give them things to work on, formations to practice, games to keep them quiet when we're on reconnaissance. I introduced them to Telf, and he greeted them with the same kindness and enthusiasm my people always exhibit, which I normally find irritating, but works very well on him.
We began.
Telf can't fight.
At all.
It confuses and frightens me, because he's so physically fit, so tall and broad, so much like a warrior, I had expected that he would be battle-ready immediately. I wonder if his ear injury had caused more than just surface damage, if something in his vestibular system was off which caused his equilibrioception to suffer. He executes even the simplest of swipes and jabs with exaggerated gestures, he tripped over himself when I taught him a simple three-move combination. Korg, the newest and youngest recruit before Telf, easily pinned him against a tree, elbow blade pressed to the back of his neck, in less than four moves. Telf just laughed, that "hee-haw" that is becoming his defining, most arousing characteristic, and once Korg released him, he turned to me.
"No, Telf, you have to focus, if you don't square your—"
"Toby do defense!" He yipped, reaching out an approaching me, and though I backed away and tried to sound authoritative and disciplining, his smile made me melt, and I decided that I was pleased enough that he had learned that when attacked, it's good to defend yourself.
He swiped slowly and insultingly with his wrist blades, making swishy mouth sounds like a child, but I couldn't help but blurt out a giggle as we collided, as I stumbled backward, as he straddled me and staked me to the ground with his knee blades, pinning my upper arms with his hands.
"Telf win, Toby not so tough," he huffed with another quiet "hee-haw."
The speed of my thinking has greatly deteriorated over the past week, but I managed to huff out "Good work today everyone we'll practice more tomorrow why doesn't everyone go get something to drink," hoping they wouldn't suspect anything as Telf leaned down to kiss me.
I believe my people are unaware that I have taken a mate. I hope I do not underestimate the power of their perception, but I am sure that if it were common knowledge that Toby the Seer had a kalashu, there would be some sort of unrest or unpleasant reverberation through the community.
All the same, as long as I can kee