By fallen-angel-b
Rated: M
Summary: When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn
to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket. The song lyrics included here are property of the band Carbon Leaf and I claim no ownership over them either.
Pairings: Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru, Kagura/OC
Note: As stated in the disclaimer, the song lyrics included in this chapter are by a band called Carbon Leaf (yes, I decided to include them after all, due to the support of my readers!). The song is called 'Life Less Ordinary' and I recommend strongly that anyone who reads this chapter gets a hold of the song and listens to it after reading or when the song lyrics are included. It will just make more sense of their inclusion and of the chapter as a whole. You can find the song 'Life Less Ordinary' and others by Carbon Leaf at http://profile. I also apologise in advance if this chapter has a wanky layout. My computer is being a fucktard. Here's hoping you enjoy the song and the new chapter!
Chapter Nine – Proximity
Yuki sat cross-legged on his bed with the house phone in front of him, gripping the receiver painfully tight. He chewed on his lower lip as he gazed absently into his lap, watching the muscles in his fingers tense and his knuckles whiten with the effort from which he held the phone. He had been like that for almost half and hour...motionless…stiff…waiting for a sudden burst of courage that would never come. He knew he couldn't sit like this forever, nor could he back down from the task set ahead of him. Something had to be done.
With a deep breath, he hastily dialed the number he knew off by heart and pressed the receiver to his ear before he could back down again. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous…wasn't even entirely sure why he felt the need to apologise when he hadn't done anything wrong…but he had subconsciously sensed Haru's emotion all day. He had just seemed so angry. If anything, Yuki needed to make sure he was all right.
The call was answered on the fourth ring.
"Hello?"
The sound of the familiar voice on the other end of the phone caused Yuki's anxiety to triple.
"Hi," he managed to choke out, clutching the receiver to his ear even tighter.
The response was greeted by a long, uncomfortable silence.
"Hold on a second," Haru finally said, his tone dense and bland, before Yuki heard him call out into his house, "Mum, I'm gonna take this upstairs!"
He could faintly hear the sound of Haru's mother hollering something back at him, but the words were too indistinct to make out.
"…No, Mum, I'm not talking to a 'girl'…no, not a 'boy' either…it's Yuki…yeah, okay…" Haru's voice sounded distant, before he must have brought the phone back to his ear again and spoke directly into the mouthpiece, "Mum says hey."
Yuki grinned, feeling his hand muscles relax a little, "Hello to Yoriko-San."
Haru either didn't hear or ignored him as he did not repeat the greeting to his mother, and soon Yuki heard only static as the phone was carried upstairs. The sound of faint scuffling and a door opening and closing was followed only with a brief silence.
"What's up?" Haru replied in the same stoic tone. Yuki could tell already he was not in the best of moods, and guessed he was still upset about what had happened at school.
"We need to talk," Yuki replied, "about today…"
He heard Haru heave a sigh.
"Yeah…I know."
Yuki swallowed, feeling himself choke up with emotion. When he spoke, his voice sounded weak and unsettlingly pathetic to his own ears.
"Haru…are you mad at me?"
He heard Haru sigh again, and somehow already could tell the answer to his question.
"No, I'm not mad, Yuki. Just…confused."
"About what?" Yuki said gently, sensing this was something Haru was sensitive about. "Haru, if you don't tell me, I can't help you fix this."
"I'm not sure if you can fix it, Yuki, or if it's even something that needs fixing," Haru continued, "I'm not even sure if I can put it into words."
"Please try," Yuki urged him, "I think I can understand."
After a moment's hesitation, Haru seemed to give in.
"I don't get it, Yuki," he said in frustration, "I don't get you, I don't get…this…and the more I try to understand it, the more confused I become."
"I know the feeling," Yuki said sincerely, "but still, I think you understand me well enough. More than I even understand myself most of the time. You know almost everything there is to know about me."
Haru chuckled. "Well, I don't know about that. There's a lot I don't know or understand. I mean…what is this, Yuki?"
Even though he was alone in his room, Yuki felt himself blush.
"I don't know," he replied truthfully.
This was followed by more silence. Yuki could sense Haru was bracing himself
for something big.
"Are we…are we in a relationship, then?"
Yuki turned to gaze out the window. At that moment, something seemed to shift in his consciousness, and he could see Haru in his room at that very moment. He was sitting on his chair with his school uniform draped over the back from earlier, gazing out the window over his desk at the fading sunlight in the elaborate Sohma grounds, his feet resting up on the surface in front of him, the tip of his toe poking through the hole in his old, white sock. He was wearing his black jeans, hanging loosely around his hips without a belt, still dressed for warm weather in his black vest, several necklaces draping down over the perfect triangle of exposed flesh beneath his collarbone. Yuki saw clearly the expression on his face…somber, serious and contemplative. It didn't seem strange to him that he could see Haru then in his mind just as clearly as he saw out his own window. As always, to Yuki he was beautiful, and that was all he could think about.
"Yes," Yuki finally replied, knowing it couldn't be anything else, "but Haru, you know we can't be open about it. Not at home, that's for sure, and I just can't handle it at school. I'm sorry."
Yuki knew what he was saying hurt Haru, and the thought tore him up inside. Still, he couldn't betray himself and what he was really feeling, not even for his beloved. If Haru wanted him, then this was how it had to be.
"Is it…because I'm a guy?" Haru said, sounding uncharacteristically thrown off balance.
"Partly, I think," Yuki admitted, "I'm not like you, Haru. You're so lucky; you can just be yourself and not worry about what other people think. That's impossible for me. Besides, all this is new to me…I've never been attracted to a guy before."
"I worry about what you think. I still don't see why it has to be such a problem for you, but I do understand," said Haru, sounding much more like himself, "and what do you mean 'attracted'?"
Yuki spluttered. "You know I love you."
"Yeah, I love you too," said Haru, and Yuki could sense the smile in his voice, "…so what's the other part?"
"Part?"
"Yeah, you said it was only partly because of the whole 'gay' thing."
"I'm not gay," Yuki immediately leapt to his own defense.
"Bisexual then, whatever," Haru sounded nonchalant.
Yuki huffed in annoyance. Truthfully, he hadn't given too much consideration to his sexuality since the night he and Haru had kissed the first time. His love for Haru and everything that came with it had consumed his entire being, and whether or not it meant he was gay had simply seemed irrelevant. Now that he thought about it, he definitely didn't think he was completely gay, nor was he entirely sure if he was even bisexual. He had been attracted only to girls in the past, but now Haru was the only person he could ever see himself wanting to be with, male or female…
"Maybe I'm Haru-sexual…" he mused aloud, much to both his and Haru's amusement.
"Works for me," Haru laughed, "but now you're avoiding my question."
"So it seems," Yuki said solemnly, all mirth instantly evaporating, "…I guess, it's because…I'm just not comfortable, yet, with public displays of affection or anything. It wouldn't matter if it was with a boy or a girl, I would still feel the same. But it doesn't mean I love you any less. I'm so sorry."
"Don't be, Yuki. This is something you have to work through on your own. And even though it might frustrate me sometimes, I promise I'll wait for you to work it all out."
The kindness and understanding he heard in the other Sohma's voice filled him with such relief, and in that moment he didn't think he could possibly love Haru more.
"In the meantime," Haru continued, "I take it we'll be keeping this a secret from everyone, including our friends?"
Yuki frowned to himself as he considered this.
"For now," he said, "just because I don't want to take the risk of having the news spread. I don't think any of them would betray us, but accidents still can happen and it would be easy to let something slip. Hopefully, though, we can tell them soon. It's bound to become obvious eventually, at any rate. I know Tohru and Momiji already suspect something's up." "Actually, Momiji already knows," Haru said apologetically, "I told him this morning." "Haru!" Yuki cried indignantly. "What did I just tell you?" "You didn't tell me this morning. But seriously, it's just Momiji, and he's already sworn to secrecy. Besides…like you said, he already suspected. It was only a matter of time before he found out anyway."
"You're right…" Yuki conceded, "we can't keep it a secret forever…"
Both fell silent at this remark, and Yuki knew they were thinking of the same thing. It didn't matter whether it was years from now or the day after next, Akito would find out soon enough…and then what?
"Can I see you tomorrow?" Yuki found himself saying suddenly, desperation in his voice. "After school?"
"You can see me anytime you want, airhead," Haru chuckled, "want me to meet you at your locker?"
"Okay," Yuki grinned, "I really do love you, you know."
"I know," said Haru lovingly, "thank you."
"For what?"
"For being you." Yuki laughed mockingly, "Yes, the one thing I can do right, unfortunately." "Don't be stupid," Haru brushed this aside, and Yuki couldn't help but smile as he heard Haru open a draw and rummage inside it. "Well…seeing as we are in a relationship, and therefore, you are technically my boyfriend," Haru said evenly, although sounding somewhat nervous, "do you want to go on a date with me? I'm currently holding two tickets to go and see Kings of Leon in a couple of weeks. I bought them a month ago but I haven't actually asked anyone to go with me yet, so…" Yuki was speechless. He had been asked on dates numerous times before, by both girls and boys, but not quite in the same way as Haru had asked him. He spoke bluntly, eager and hopeful, yet cool and collected at the same time. Before he knew it, Yuki found himself blushing furiously. "I'm sorry," he said, breaking out of his stupor, "Kings of where?" "You don't know Kings of Leon?" Haru sounded aghast. "No, I'm afraid I don't. Who are they?" "Only one of the most fantastic bands to come out of the early 21st century," said Haru, rummaging some more, "although that's just my opinion. I'm going to burn you a mix-tape tonight with some of their songs on it, just so you can see for yourself." Yuki laughed, "Okay then, if you must." "Yes I must," Haru shot back, then added seemingly offhandedly, "so was that a yes, by the way?" "A yes to what?" "To going out with me." "That all depends on whether or not I like these Kings of Leon, doesn't it?" Yuki teased. "Well even if you don't, I thought that it might be kind of fun. You know, being together," Haru replied, and Yuki was surprised to find he actually sounded a little hurt. "I was only kidding. Of course it's a yes, idiot, even if they do turn out to be the worst band in history." "Cool," Haru said warmly, as his mother's voice echoed out through his house and over the phone, calling his name, "I better go. The woman obviously wants something."
"Better," Yuki laughed, although he hated to have to hang up, "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Have a good night...boyfriend."
"You too," said Yuki as Yoriko called out for her son again, demanding he get off the phone, "bye."
The line went dead, and Yuki sighed as he placed the receiver back down, not realising that the tension in his hand had long since passed. Outside his window, the sun had long since set over the distant city skyscrapers, submersing the world in darkness. Inside, however, Yuki was glowing with light. Things were far from perfect, but for now he was content. More than content. He was in love.
Sensing that his legs had gone numb from sitting cross-legged so long, Yuki stretched them out before him and wriggled his toes in his socks, before drawing them back up and hugging them to his chest, tucking them under his chin. It was strange, he knew, that he could go from denial to love so quickly…that Haru had been in his life for almost as long as he could remember, yet he had never felt this way about him before. Perhaps it had always been there, and he was too blind to see it. Whatever it was, it was something different now. Something far more powerful…far bigger than he could ever comprehend. He wasn't sure how or why, but he knew something big was about to happen, and the time for it was drawing close. The thought didn't scare him. Rather, it made him feel secure. He knew this was how it was meant to be.
He reached across the bed to grasp the phone, returning it to its rightful place on the table beside his bed. The clock next to it informed him that it was almost seven. Soon, it would be time for dinner, and he would have to go downstairs and endure Shigure and Kyo's company, with only Tohru's sweet mannerisms to help him fight for his sanity. He relaxed back against his pillows and closed his eyes, letting the cool autumn breeze from the open window wash over him, savoring the peace while it lasted.
The day that followed did not go according to plan. Once school had finished, the school cross-country team had training for the afternoon, an obligation that had completely slipped Yuki's mind when he made plans with Haru the night before.
"Don't worry about it," Haru assured him when they met at Yuki's locker and he began to apologise profusely, "I'll come and watch you train, it'll be fun."
Although Yuki didn't see how sitting on the cold, hard bleachers at the school sports oval and watching him do nothing but run around aimlessly all afternoon could be deemed fun, he was glad for the company nonetheless, and was touched Haru would give up his afternoon for the chance that they might spend time together. Side by side, they walked to the sports oval, talking and laughing all the way. To anyone else, they would have appeared to be an ordinary set of friends, but the electric charge of sexual energy Yuki felt coursing between them the whole time made them anything but. It made him edgy and agitated. The fact that the skies had been grey and overcast all day gave him reason to hope that further development of poor weather would force the coaches to end practice early. In any other circumstance, Yuki would have looked forward to athletics training, but given the choice he would much rather have spent the time alone with his boyfriend.
Yuki smiled to himself as the word occurred to him. Boyfriend…he was still getting used to the way it sounded, but he would be damned if he didn't like it. "I have your CD, by the way," Haru said as they walked, reaching into his bag and then passing Yuki a disk. "It's mostly Kings of Leon, but I've put other stuff on there too. Pay special attention to track one." "Why?" Yuki said curiously. "Because," Haru said with a sly grin, "I was listening to it last night and the lyrics made me think of you." "Fair enough," Yuki grinned back at him, knowing somehow that when Haru said 'you' he meant 'us'. He placed the CD away in his bag, anticipating listening to it when he got home.
They parted at the bleachers with friendly banter and a chaste brushing of arms that sent a tingle down Yuki's spine. He hurried to join his fellow competitors on the field while Haru settled against the bleachers, taking a cigarette case from a hidden compartment in his schoolbag and lighting up. The afternoon hadn't turned out the way he would have planned it to, but that didn't mean Haru wasn't still going to enjoy the sight of Yuki's lithe, muscular legs and biceps flexing as he ran, sweaty in his lose sports uniform, across the field. He smirked to himself as he blew smoke rings from the corner of his mouth. As of late, the sexual tension between them had increasingly grown to the point where it was almost impossible to ignore. He knew it was still only early days, but perhaps it wouldn't be long now before the time came to take the relationship to the next level.
Well, it would have to be soon, Haru resolved. Otherwise he didn't know if he could take it.
"Well now, what do we have here?" an eerily familiar voice spoke into his ear, causing him to jump almost right out of his seat.
"You!" Haru gasped, causing the other girl to smirk. It was unnerving how silent she could be, creeping up to him like that without him noticing.
"Yes, it would be me," Hana said as sat down beside him carefully, tucking her long school skirt beneath her. Her long black braid fell over one shoulder as she regarded him with her penetrating dark eyes, a secretive smile playing about her lips. Haru realised, warily, that this was the first time they had spoken directly to each other since he confronted her after the carnival.
"What is it? Is there something you want?" he asked her, decided to play it cool and casual for the time being, although something about the girl always made him somewhat anxious. He kept glancing over at Yuki, but his boyfriend had not yet noticed he now had company on the bleachers, being too intent on his training. Haru wasn't sure whether or not this was a bad thing.
"Since when do you smoke?" Hana answered serenely, choosing to ignore his questions. She inclined her head to the cigarette that lay almost forgotten now, between two fingers in his right hand.
Haru glanced at it and shrugged. "Since I was twelve. My mother is a chain smoker, or at least she has been since my father died. When I was a kid I used to steal her cigarettes and smoke them just to piss her off. She never wanted me to get into the habit, you see, so it was my best means of getting back at her when she got angry at me. Stupid, I know, but we're all guilty of doing stupid things every now and then. It's not something I'm proud of."
Hana stared at him intently, "I never noticed. I bet most of your friends don't like it."
Haru took another drag before extinguishing it on the bench between them. "Yuki and Momiji hate it. I know Tohru and Kyo disapprove as well, but they're either too nice or too indifferent to me, respectively, to say much about it. Meanwhile Shigure, Hatori and my mother have all been on my case for ages, although they're all hypocrites since they smoke themselves, so there isn't much they can do. As for Kagura…well, we used to smoke together a lot, before she quit. I've been trying to quit too, but you know what they say…old habits die hard. I've managed to limit it to two or three a day. It's been a challenge, but I'm getting there."
Hana nodded her head, seeming intrigued. "Well, I guess you learn something new everyday about people, don't you?"
"I guess so," Haru said as he offered her the packet.
"No thank you," Hana replied firmly, "I value my body and its health above almost all other things. You should too, you know. Especially with power such as yours."
Haru suddenly felt himself sit up and take notice.
"What do you mean, power?" he said skeptically, eyes narrowed.
Hana smirked, but kept her lips pressed firmly shut, turning her gaze to the sports oval instead.
"You're here for Yuki, I take it?"
Haru shrugged again, "we were supposed to hang out this afternoon, but he had athletics training, so…"
"Ah yes," Hana said sagely, "Yuki has been quite busy lately, with schoolwork and sports and of course the student council."
"You couldn't say he's had it easy this year," Haru agreed, "but he copes. Better than anyone I know could in his situation, really."
"And you, Hatsuharu? How are you coping?"
The question took him by such surprise that for a moment it rendered him utterly speechless.
"With what, exactly?"
"Anything and everything, really. Tell me…I'm curious to know."
Turning away from her, Haru lit his third cigarette for the day. "I cope very well, thanks."
"If that is true, then you are a lot better off than most people in this world."
Watching her from the corner of his eye, Haru was certain he saw something like sadness reflected in her features. In a flicker, it was gone.
"So what are you doing here, anyway?" Haru felt compelled to ask, "I take it you're not here to sign up for the athletics team."
Hana sniggered. "Of course. You know how much I love to run." "That's what I thought," Haru grinned back at her, amused at the thought of her training with the athletics team. "Actually, I'm here because of your electric signals," Hana continued in a more serious tone, "I'm always attracted to interesting electric signals, and right now yours are the most interesting I know of." Haru rose an eyebrow at her. He didn't know anything about electric signals or psychic abilities, and wondered, nervously, how much they could tell a person. "Interesting how, exactly?" Hana made to take the cigarette from his hand, and without thinking Haru passed it to her, only to have her extinguish it almost immediately. "I've told you before, it's hard to explain. But right now, I'm sensing something is about to happen. Your electric signals, which changed only recently over the summer, are preparing to change again." Subconsciously, Haru swallowed. It made sense to him…for a while; he too had somehow been sensing that things were about to change. He didn't know how, what, or why, but he did know it was going to happen soon. "I've seen a similar thing happen before, although I must admit this is the first time I've encountered something quite like this," Hana said pensively, "usually, this sort of transition in a person's aura takes place shortly after they reach puberty, which is normally when a person with potential psychic ability fully inherits their powers. Of course, that wouldn't make sense in your case. I strongly doubt a person such as you has been prepubescent up until now." "What's that supposed to mean?" Haru shot back, glaring at her darkly. Hana brushed him off again, absently toying with her plait. "You don't have any history of psychic blood in your family, do you?" Haru stared at her blankly, wondering why he was even considering this. "Not that I know of," he said, "not in Yuki's either." For the first time since they had met, Hana appeared genuinely confused. "I thought Yuki was part of your family." Haru couldn't help but smirk at the expression on her face. "Sort of. He's not my blood relative, though. It's a long story." "Hmm," Hana mused, surprising her companion by not feeling the need to ask further questions, "very interesting…" "How so?" "That would mean you would both have had to inherit psychic ability from separate family sources. Psychics – genuine psychics, at any rate – are very rare these days. Power is usually only handed down through the direct bloodline. Even if you and Yuki were distant relations, it would be highly irregular that you both inherit power, and at the same time, no less, years after you first began adolescence." "So what are you saying?" Haru questioned, "Yuki and I are going to inherit some kind of power?" "I am guessing so, although truthfully I don't know," she said evenly, watching him. Haru turned away, staring out across the field. Could Hana be right? Could everything he and Yuki had been going through, up until this point, be leading to some strange, psychic phenomenon? Haru wasn't sure if he could accept that, but after everything he had gone through recently, he was prepared to believe anything. "I think I should go…a storm is about to start," Hana told him distractedly, getting to her feet as gracefully as she had sat down, "until later…farewell." She strode away just as the first drop of rain fell onto Haru's forehead, followed by a low, threatening rumble of thunder across the skies. Haru watched her leave, burning with curiosity. Down on the field, he saw Yuki pause to stare up at him, perplexed, having seen Hana departing. Haru only had time to shrug his shoulders in response to the obvious question on Yuki's face before his coach hustled him along. The storm soon came on quickly and strongly, brought on by harsh winds from the east. After continuing to struggle through the weather for another tedious few minutes, the coach finally, if reluctantly, dismissed his athletes, who eagerly hurried through the rain and mud to reach the sanctuary of comfortable change rooms and hot showers. Yuki left them the instant he was sent off, heading in the opposite direction for the bleachers. "Hey," he said as he jogged over to Haru, cheeks flushed and slightly out of breath from the hard training, "was that…?" "Hana," Haru cut him off, not need to ask what he meant. Yuki frowned, glancing in the direction from which she had left, even though she'd left ages ago, "what did she want?" Before Haru could answer, a streak of lightning crashed somewhere nearby, causing them both to jump. Getting to his feet, Haru reached for Yuki's hand and led him down over the bleachers to the grass. Thunder roared above them as they passed the now empty oval and ducked beneath the bleachers. The strong scent of wet grass and mud greeted them as they hid from the storm, and water continued to drip between the seats above them, the spray blown onto them as a result of the wind. It was a far from comfortable shelter, but it would do for now. Yuki leant against one of the polls that supported the bleachers, eyes fixed curiously upon his boyfriend, waiting for an answer to his question. "Haru…" Haru rubbed the back of his head, shaking raindrops from his hair, his eyes kept deliberately from Yuki's gaze. Yuki knew from experience with him that he wasn't trying to avoid the question. He was searching for the right words to answer it. "She wanted to know if either of us had a history of…of psychics in our families," Haru said, "something about how our electric signals are…changing." "Changing?" Yuki asked tensely, "how?" Haru turned to him, and Yuki could see the turmoil reflected in his usually serene grey eyes as he murmured softly, "She didn't say…" Yuki fell silent. He recalled the way Hana had stared at him and Haru during those first few days back at school, as if there was something distinctly wrong with them. He remembered how the mysterious Miskaelah had seemed to look right into him when they met at the carnival, her psychic abilities enabling her to read his unique aura. He thought of all the changes he had been through recently, and of all the changes he could sense were to come. And although he knew he should have been afraid, he felt completely calm, as things finally began to make some sense. "There is no history of psychics in either of our families," said Yuki, "is there?" "Right," Haru nodded affirmatively, "so how come the idea doesn't seem so ridiculous?" Yuki frowned as he concentrated, calling to mind the scent of burning incense mingled with freshly cut grass… "On the night of the carnival," he began slowly, "Miss Honda and I didn't end up going straight home. A boy tried to steal Miss Honda's wallet and we chased him all the way to the tent his grandmother was running. Her name was Miskaelah…" As Yuki told the story, Haru listened intently, overcome with shock and bewilderment when he learnt of how the strange old woman had known everything about Yuki…all the things he thought only he knew…of how she had demonstrated her power by calling forth the four mystic elements, and had shown him how he could do the same. "She said she could sense great power in me," Yuki explained, "and everything she has said so far has come true. She told me I would fall in love. She told me I had a gift for art." "Did she tell you anything more? About this psychic stuff?" Yuki bit his lip and shook his head. "No, she was so vague. Every time I tried to ask her something she found a way to change the subject. I had the impression that…she knew a lot more than she was willing to say. Still, when I eventually left she said we would no longer have anything important to say to each other. That I would never see her again…" Hearing the sadness in his tone, Haru reached out at took Yuki's hand, thumb lightly caressing the soft skin of his palms. "What did she say to Tohru?" he asked gently. "I don't know…we never discussed it," Yuki said, "Haru…what do you make of all this?" After contemplating a moment, Haru heaved a sigh. "Well, she sounds genuine…knowing about the curse and how you're connected to the rat from the Chinese zodiac…and then there's the fact that she could summon the four elements. You could really feel that?" "Yes, especially when I conjured them myself…it was the most amazing thing I've ever felt," Yuki said, eyes glazing over slightly as he recalled the sensation. Haru smiled. "I guess we really have no choice, in that case, than to accept that there is something going on that's a whole lot bigger than us, and that we're just going to have to go with the flow." Yuki felt ill at ease. This was not the sort of thing he ever wanted to hear. Words like 'no choice' and 'go with the flow' were the kinds of things he used to despise. Until recently, he hadn't even believed in fate. Now, he wasn't sure what he believed in anymore. The only thing he could really be sure of was Haru, and the fact that the words had come from Haru's lips gave him comfort. "You don't have any idea what's going to happen…what's going to change?" said Yuki, although he smiled as he did so, "You aren't worried, even a little bit?" "Nope, nope, and definitely no," Haru said in his usual off-handed manner, before taking Yuki's hand and bringing it to his chest, placing it over his heart, "because I know this isn't going to change." Yuki felt Haru's heartbeat beneath his fingers and instantly felt himself relax again. Of course, Haru was right. As long as they had each other, they would be fine… Haru leant in closer, his hand still placed securely on top of Yuki's own. It occurred to him then, as he gazed into amethyst eyes, that Yuki looked exquisite with raindrops caught in his lavender hair, his expression soft and filled with adoration, the sports clothes he was still wearing unusually disheveled. It had felt like an eternity since they had last been in such close proximity, and he felt, as sure as he knew his own name, that Yuki was thinking the same thing. He wasn't certain who moved first, but before he knew it they seemed to melt into one another. Their kissing was gentle at first, tentative and reassuring, though it gradually became more heated as their desperation to be closer to one another grew, intensified by the raw heat that radiated from the storm. Driven by the sheer, incredible need he sensed pouring from his beloved, Haru pushed him further than they had gone before, grinding their bodies together, letting Yuki feel just how much he loved and wanted him. It wasn't long before reality was lost to him. He knew nothing except Yuki's body, emotions and desires…the thunder as it rolled across the sky…the lighting that split the dark clouds and illuminated the dismal grey haze in flickering, electric brilliance…and the constant rain, that hammered the sodden earth with all the force and dangerous beauty of nature. Yuki succumbed to desire, kissing Haru back as fervently as he was kissed, exploring, without reservation, the deep, moist caverns of his mouth. He felt glad for the pole behind him…for his hands on Haru's waist and Haru's arms wrapped around him. Without the support, he was certain he would have been brought to his knees. They broke apart only as he gasped when Haru's wandering hand glided down the side of his body and slid up under his shirt, fingertips slightly grazing his firm stomach…eventually traveling further up to his chest, thumb gently caressing each hardened nipple and making him shiver with pleasure, before trailing back down to tease the skin just above his pants…then lower, over the fabric of his pants…to his thigh and then back up, tracing his spine. Yuki relished in each moment of contact, willing it to last longer and wanting much more. Still, even in such passionate abandonment, he knew he could not have it. Not yet, at any rate. Certainly not now. The thought of waiting agonized him, racked him with greater desire, so that when they touched he had never felt such bliss. Finally, as their kissing grew less urgent, and the storm began to lessen, Haru took his teasing fingers away and replaced his hands around Yuki's shoulders, drawing them into an embrace. Yuki clutched at Haru's waist, sighing as Haru placed slow, lazy kisses all down the side of his neck before returning to claim his lips, lingering for what seemed like the longest time. "Stay over tomorrow night?" Haru breathed, his voice still etched with longing. Yuki breathed heavily as he tried to calm his racing heart. He knew what Haru was really asking of him in that question, and although he was certain of himself and of Haru, knew more than anything that he was ready to take that step, he was still not prepared to agree. He couldn't, no matter what, make this kind of decision without thinking it over first. All the same, he found himself nodding a 'yes'.
Yuki could tell something was wrong before he even opened his front door when he returned that evening. The loud, overly flamboyant voice of his older brother rang out from the house and all over the surrounding area, causing Yuki to cringe. He didn't know Ayame was planning a visit…then again, he reasoned, since when had Ayame ever informed them he was planning a visit? It didn't matter. Yuki doubted he would be able to put up with any estranged relatives that evening. He had too much else weighing on his mind.
He crept around the house as silently as he dared and slipped through the back door and into Shigure's secluded study, any sound he made muffled by Kyo's angry shouts and Ayame's loud, obnoxious voice. Yuki shuddered at the thought of the two banes of his existence together in one room. Over the years they had lived together, he hadn't grown to like Kyo any more than he did when they first met. Circumstances meant that he had been forced to learn to tolerate him, which meant it was possible for them to be in the same room without trying to kill each other…for a short amount of time, at least.
But Ayame…Yuki really couldn't handle Ayame. There was just too much space between them as a result of a difficult childhood, a gap that could never be closed. Not to mention all the baggage Yuki still carried from an upbringing of neglect didn't leave him with a positive view of anything to do with family. Even now, when he looked into his older brother's face, all Yuki could see was the boy who had brushed him aside so much during his childhood… making him feel like he was worthless…nothing…abandoning him whenever he needed someone the most. Yuki knew he was a person who found it difficult to put trust in others, especially after they hurt him, and that was something he didn't think he would ever recover from.
Yuki sat on the floor in front of Shigure's desk, knees pulled up to his chest. He had tried. The Gods knew he had tried his hardest to overcome childhood trauma and learn to accept his brother. He had thought that with Tohru's help it might be possible for them to grow closer. Naively, he had even thought that perhaps, one day, they might become like real family. Experience soon woke him up, and he learnt that it was impossible. Ayame was extroverted, glitzy, outrageous, witty and often downright rude. Everything Yuki wasn't, and everything he didn't understand. They were just too different…too different to ever be real brothers, even if they were tied by blood.
Yet still, much to Yuki's disdain, Ayame fought openly and diligently to bridge the gap between them.
Yuki relaxed against the wall behind him, frustration flowing through him. He knew it was only a matter of time before he was discovered, but he hoped he could remain hidden for as long as possible. Maybe, if he were really still and quiet, no one would notice he had returned home until after Ayame left. No…that was too much to hope for. Why couldn't that idiot just go away? Didn't he realise Yuki just wanted to be left alone?
No, he didn't want to be left alone. He wanted to be with Haru. They would be together, tomorrow night, although in what way Yuki still wasn't sure. Every ounce of his being told him that it was right, but how could he be sure he was ready? Until that lingering ounce of doubt became obsolete, he knew he could never go through with what Haru wanted. The thought made him sad and angry with himself, because he wanted to be able to give Haru everything.
Reaching into his bag for his water bottle, Yuki's fingers brushed over the CD Haru had given him earlier that day and he jerked his hand back in surprise. With everything that had happened since then, he had completely forgotten about it. Retrieving it along with his water, he studied it carefully, remembering the words Haru had told him when he passed it on, that sly little smirk playing about his lips…
Pay special attention to track one. I was litening to it last night and it made me think of you...
Without thinking, Yuki reached for the CD player that sat on Shigure's desk and tugged it down to sit beside him on the floor, along with the pair of headphones that rested beside them. Ironically, Shigure had bought the player and headphones to tune out the noise of Yuki and Kyo's fighting while he worked. Now, Yuki was using it to tune out Shigure and the rest of the world. As Kyo would say, damn it all. He put the CD into the player and switched it on, track one exploding into his mind
Live a life less ordinary Live a life extraordinary with me
Live a life less sedentary
Live a life evolutionary with me
Well I hate to be a bother,
But it's you and there's no other, I do believe
You can call me naive but...
I know me very well (at least as far as I can tell)
And I know what I need
The night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me
By the way, I do know why you stayed away...
I will keep tongue-tied next time
Yuki sat in silence as track one faded into track two, the lyrics playing over and over in his mind. Suddenly everything to do with Ayame, Kyo and all their ridiculous disagreements seemed utterly insignificant. All he could do was smile as his eyes filled with tears of joy. All he could think about was Haru, and how much he meant to him. It didn't matter that to anyone else it was just another love song, or that it was stupid to allow a song to make him want to cry…to make his mind up for him so quickly. But Haru had chosen that song, of all the songs in the world, to represent them, and the relationship they had, and therefore it meant a great deal. He knew now, without any hesitation, that he was prepared to give Haru everything he could, just as Haru had always given him everything he had.
He listened to the song thrice more before removing the headphones, returning the CD to his bag and putting the player back in its rightful place. Then, with a deep breath, he opened the study door and went out to face the inevitable.
Note: Success! Chapter Nine is finally done! I'm actually pretty proud of this one. It took a lot of re-writing and considering to get it just right, and I reckon I've done a pretty good job. The one thing I'm a little apprehensive about, however, is the inclusion of the song lyrics. Here's hoping they don't mess up the flow of the story.
Thanks for reading, please review!
Replies to ReviewsYaoni: Eee, I was totally thinking about that as I was writing the last chapter!! I thought Haru might come across as being too unsympathetic to Yuki or something. I wanted to convey that Haru understood what Yuki was going through, but that didn't mean he liked it. They are precious indeed, are they not? Sometimes I re-read these chapters and I seriously can't handle all the cute fluffy pieces and I feel like I'm going to float away on a pink fluffy cloud of fluff to a land of rainbows and unicorns because it's just too darn sweet (curses, why can't real life be like that!?). Nothing else I've ever written has been quite like Desiderata in its over-the-top romance, but writing this kind of thing makes me happy and gives me some stress relief, so it's all good fun! Anyway, that's enough of me. I hope you enjoy the new chapter!
Jessiegurl43953: I really like writing the 'I don't feel comfortable with coming out just yet' characters because, like you pointed out, I feel like a lot of people can relate to that. If not in respect to sexuality, then in respect to something else, because I believe everyone has something they eventually have to 'come out of the closet' about and that takes a lot of courage, time and hard work. Also, I like watching characters go on journeys of self-discovery, where they grow through what happens to them and come out of it all as a different person in the end. That's sort of what I hope to do with Yuki in this story. Haru too, but particularly Yuki. I always had the impression that Haru was the sort of person who was kind of comfortable in his own shoes and had worked a lot out for himself. On the other hand, Yuki is more vulnerable and obviously really unsure about himself and a lot of things, and it just seems that he has the most growing to do out of the two of them. I've especially been trying to portray that element of his character in Desiderata, juxtaposed with Haru being confident and more relaxed, more or less one of those 'just be yourself' people. I figured in that way the characters could sort of balance each other out. It will be interesting to see where Yuki ends up at the end of the story, because I don't even know yet! I can tell you, though, that the connection between them is definately going to develop, particularly in the next couple of chapters. The window scene was my favourite to write in the last chapter as well, by the way! I could picture Haru and Momiji doing that. As always, can't wait to hear what you thought of the new chapter!
Vampire Ifruita: Yay, thank you so much for your review! Made my day! I try very hard to keep everyone in-character as well as in conjunction with the plot. It's hard, but I do my best, and I'm glad you think I'm doing a good job! I just LOVE writing Haru. I think, out of all the characters in every anime or manga I've ever encountered, he's the one I can relate to the most. I see a lot of my own personality in him (or at least a lot of what I've always wished I could be like in him) and I guess that's what makes him easy for me to write convincingly. I've imprinted a lot of myself onto him in Desiderata, especially, with him liking the same bands as I do, his long struggle with unrequited love (the prolouge is literally a scene from my life), loving to read and discuss literature, and even the little story in this chapter about his relationship with my good old friend tobacco. I hear a lot that the best writing is taken from real life and I really think that's true. We imprint a part of ourselves and our own experiences onto every character we write. Otherwise we couldn't write them. Please excuse this fat rant, I tend to get carried away sometimes. What I'm really trying to say is...I hope you liked the new chapter, and please continute to read and review!
Billy the Kangaroo: # bows # why thank you so much. I'm beginning to worry that writing Desiderata is going to be unhealthy for my already inflated ego, but all the same, thank you! And LOL, I know what you mean. I seriously would have loved to have seen Yuki and Haru get together in the manga, but I'm kind of glad they didn't, because it means I get to have all the creative freedom and fun of making up their story! Thank you for answering my question too, by the way # feels less ignorant # I am most definately a shipper, predominantly. Canon pairings are rather boring, I usually find, and I often only have them as a sub-plot, if at all. I was going to develop more of a Tohru/Kyo thing in earlier chapters but I really couldn't be fucked, although it will probably develop more after a while. Anyway, I hope you liked the new chapter!
Lotus Head: Yeah, I completely agree with you on that. Usually I love the manga much more than the anime, but because I only picked up the Fruits Basket manga AFTER I'd watched the anime, I found I just couldn't get into it. Plus, all the annoyingly, seemingly far-too-conveinient heterosexual pairings just pissed me off. I mean, what the hell? It seemed like the author just wanted to quickly tie up any loose ends so she just randomly paired everyone with everyone else, declared it was a 'happily ever after' and made her characters dance off into the sunset together. I really, truly can't stand those stories, the agnst-ridden freak in me just can't handle it. I will read the manga one day though, if for no other reason than for the sake of saying I've read it (and to shut up my friends, who keep trying to spoon-feed me volumes of the manga, god love 'em). LOL I'll name a chapter after you somehow...and I'm glad you like the kissing scene. I can assure you, there's plenty more of those to come! Do you think I should write a lemon in my next chapter, or a lime?
Mousecat: Yes, pretty much the whole Sohma family knows in Desiderata. Well, they don't know that Yuki and Haru together, but they do know Haru suffers from unrequited love. I figured they would have to be pretty oblivious not to notice it, especially since he makes no attempt at hiding it, even to complete strangers (he told Tohru about it only a couple of hours after meeting her, after all). I think Yuki is smart to be cautious, even though it upsets Haru that they can't be openly together. Of course, though, as someone (forget who) said in this chapter, they can't keep it a secret forever. I have the whole plot planned out so I can tell you, it ain't going to be pretty. The next few chapters are going to get a lot gritter, but not before I let Haru and Yuki have a bit of fun first. Sex scene next chapter, probably, or maybe just a lime. I haven't decided what to do yet. Suggestions? I hope you liked the new chapter!
IloveMoony04: Huzzah! Yes, master, teach me the ways of the ASCII-ed faces, and together we shall build an army from our awesome linage of awesomeness. I'm very fond of all the names you've picked, and I think we should leave the pronounciation up to interpretation, to illustrate the point that everything in life is relative. Yes, THAT will confuse them # manic laughing # Yeah, I heard from someone else about the ending of the FB manga, and I was really irritated by the sound of it. It just seemed like Takaya wanted to wrap everything up really fast, after spending ages developing this really intricate, complex plot, by putting all her characters in happy, healthy, heterosexual pairings (I have nothing against heterosexuals, by the way, I just thought that with all the underlying gay tension there would be at least ONE queer couple in there somewhere towards the end...or at least there should have been.) and then made them all skip off into the sunset. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK!? It just sounded so...lame. Especially the Ayame thing, considering I thought him to be flamboyant homosexual. Oh well, that's the beauty of fanfiction, aye? You can control the characters and change any of the yucky things you don't like. Which is why in this story Ayame is going to be out and proud (when he eventually gets introduced). Some advice: don't really on your mind too much. It has a habit of being rather unhelpful. My mind resents that last statement and is going to stop functioning soon as a result, so I have to wrap up this loooonnng response. You are awesome (of course) and I hope to hear from you soon! o. O o. O o. O o. O o. O o. O o. O times one billion! XD
Allicat6: Teehee, it's all good, I can appreciate people who have lives outside of fanfiction...unlike SOMEONE I know # sniffles and hides in a dark corner # I certainly was in an agnsty mood when I wrote the last chapter, I'm very glad you liked it though! Hope you enjoyed the new chapter!
Minerva276: I'm in your life…spendin' all your money! # evil chuckle # Feel free to invade my review section anytime. I love you!!!!