Chapter 10 – Pulp Friction
BPOV
The noise level in the Purple Pussycat reaches ear splitting decibels as an oiled up, orange-skinned stripper slinks onto the stage, rippling his muscles in a way that makes me want to dry heave rather than dry hump.
He's dressed only in a pair of black silk shorts, and appears to be wearing socks with Bart Simpson on them, the spiked yellow hair visible over the top of his shit-kicker boots.
His poor fashion sense doesn't tame the crowd any, and the hard-core ladies that come every week are still clamoring to get at him. They walk the thin line between being Slick Rick's biggest fans and scariest stalkers.
Stripper movies have given women high expectations that the specimens on display rarely live up to. Edward "Bunny" Cullen on the other hand, he was a sight for sore eyes or dirty minds for that matter.
The sweet smell of floral perfume mixed with the tangy Appletinis on deal, hides the unpleasant smell that usually hangs in the air, an unfortunate side effect of the smoking ban. My cheeks cool down once I hold two ice-cold bottles of Rolling Rock to them, willing Bunny's revelation out of my mind. I sing along to the music blaring from every corner of the bar to keep his words from turning me on—which they do, like the flick of a switch.
What flicks it the other way and sends me into full-on meltdown is the thought of my dad at the porn party. I shudder at the thought, and hope to hell he managed to get out unscathed.
Weaving my way back to the bar, I see a customer manically trying to catch my attention. A huge grin spreads over my face when I walk over and see Jai, one of my oldest friends. He stands up, rushing over all waving arms and sashaying hips and pulls me over to his table, clearly I wasn't walking quickly enough.
"Hey Jai, what are you doing here?" I tuck my tray under my arm, wondering why on earth a man with twenty-twenty vision and a passion for garish fashion is wearing a pair of boring, black-rimmed spectacles. They're not even Ray Bann.
"Does my hair look okay?" He asks, flicking the dark, shiny locks over his shoulders, his brown eyes searching wide over my shoulder, the lenses of his glasses making them look owlish. There is no way he can see a thing. I turn around to see what's catching his attention.
"Yep, perfect. You're giving Pocahontas a run for her money, as always." It's his pride and joy. He swears weekly moisture wraps and one hundred strokes of his designer bristled brush each night keep it ship-shape. "Who are you looking for?"
He grabs onto my arm, pulling me closer so I perch next to him on the velvet seat. "I'm here with a date." He emits a little squeal. "His name is Marcus, and he's an accountant."
"Ahh, I understand the glasses now. Very studious." I tap them on the frame, and he drops his head looking up at me over the edge of them like a disapproving history teacher, which is a stark contrast to the turquoise and blue paisley shirt he's wearing.
"I'm trying to appear more serious," he leans in further and whispers, "and less flamboyant."
"Um, Jai, you brought him to 'Ladies Night' at the Pussy, and have you looked in the mirror?" I tease.
He emits a huff and pouts, "I thought I'd toned it down."
I kiss him on his cheek and laugh, "You're probably the most exciting thing that's ever walked into his life." He blushes and hugs me.
As I stand to leave, I see a coy smile on his face as he looks over my shoulder.
"Oh my look what the cat dragged in. I give him two minutes before they strip him naked and drag him back to their cave."
I spin round and my jaw falls to the floor when I see Bunny being mobbed by an ever increasing gang of women, like squawking parrots in their bright dresses.
"Who on earth is that?" Jai is standing beside me now sans glasses, presumably to take in the view, and he doesn't miss the moment Bunny spots me, or the desperate pleading look on his face. "Oh my God B, do you know him? I think he wants you to rescue him or something?"
"I don't know him from Adam."
"Who's Adam?" Jai asks, but changes back to his previous line of questioning when Bunny clearly shouts 'Fluff' over to me.
"Who's Fluff?"
"Somebody I was mistaken for. It's a long story, I'll tell you later."
"How long?"
"Jai, seriously, shut it."
"Oh my Sally Ann, you had sex with him didn't you?" He turns to me with a smirk on his face and his hand on his hip, turning up the dramatic flair. It's why he's perfect for the stage, that, and he's got a voice like an angel.
I don't get the chance to answer because after signing his name across at least three exposed cleavages, Bunny makes a break for it. I wonder for a moment whether he carries a special pen around with him. Bic- for-Breasts seems like something a famous porn star would need at his disposal along with MagnumXL. There I go again. I shake my head to rattle all penis thoughts out of it.
"What are you doing here? Forget something?" I cock my head to look at him; he does look slightly shell shocked, and the women are still baying for his blood. When I hazard a glance over his shoulder, I'm thankful laser death glares are harmless because I would be a chalk outline on the sticky carpet if they weren't.
Jai doesn't waste any time and steps in front of me as if protecting me from a perceived threat, which he's probably right about, but it's just a threat of Bunny ruining every pair of panties I own and my innocence without even knowing it. Okay, maybe my innocence is a stretch.
"Hello, and who are you?" He puffs up his chest like a peacock, resplendent in his vivid blue get up.
"I'm Edward Cullen, and you are?" Edward holds his hand out and Jai leaves him hanging for a few seconds before he responds.
"Jai Black. That's Jai with an i not a y." He'd changed his name in tenth grade when he declared Jay wasn't an acceptable nickname for Jacob because you can't dot the "y" with a smiley face. "You may also know me from Cats."
Bunny's eyes meet mine with a confused expression, but I still don't step in. I'm enjoying his discomfort much too much for that. "Cats?" he asks.
Jai sucks in a deep breath and I roll my eyes; we're going to be here awhile. "Have you seen Cats the musical?"
I can see Edward's light bulb moment but the crooked smirk that follows worries me.
"Yes, I know Cats, though I'm more familiar with the non-musical version."
Jai is perplexed but it morphs into an abject horror similar to my own. "You mean the direct-to-video version? Oh no no no, Edward, you're missing out unless you've seen it live."
"Well, now you mention it-"
Oh, Jesus Fuck.
"Look Jai, Marcus is here. Don't you think you should get him a drink."
I manhandle Marcus, who's more confused than any of us, over to Jai, who narrows his eyes at me and raises a perfectly arched eyebrow, but thankfully, (because I wouldn't even know where the hell to start) he lets it drop.
"Okay Bella, I'll be calling you tomorrow so we can catch up on everything." He accentuates the last word so it's true meaning is clear. Fuck. "Nice to meet you Edward."
"You too. Maybe you can tell me more about Cats next time we meet."
There isn't a lycra-clad-McAvity-the-mystery-cat -in-hells chance of that happening. No way.
I wait until Jai is out of ear shot before I let rip at him.
"What the fuck, Bunny? What are you doing here and Cat porn, seriously?" He laughs but I hold up my hand to silence him."Don't even say a single word about it. I don't want to know."
"Why not? Cats 2- Kitty Play was actually quite classy. I had a few solos and I won an award for my range, and not to mention the accolades I won for Thundercats Are Hoes. I was Lion-O. Clearly."
He gestures at his wild clusterfuck of hair and winks at me. I want to hit him across the head with my tray. He's just ruined some of my most treasured childhood memories.
I can feel my cheeks burning and I'm thankful for the darkened bar. Sucking in a deep breath, I glare at him. "Why are you here? Other than to fucking torture me with your horizontal tango resume."
"I have a vertical one too," he looks genuinely offended I omitted it, "and parallel." Then his smug smile is back.
"Jesusfuckingchrist." I consider hitting myself over the head with the tray, anything to end this conversation.
"You have such a dirty mouth." He sighs as if this pains him. "Can we go somewhere a bit quieter?"
"No. You can go home. I've still got two hours to work then I'm going to bed."
"How are you going to get home, your car's still at mine?" Edward grimaces, and I'm about to ask why, when he announces the worst idea in the history of all ideas ever in the whole wide world, not to mention the universe.
"I'll wait for you, and I can take you home."
"Absolutely no way."
"Yes way."
"Nope."
"Bella." He grinds his voice out in a warning growl making my body react like the wanton slut it is.
"Have you not got places to be, people to do?" I see El over his shoulder frowning and realize I've been stood doing nothing for far to long.
"I haven't got anywhere else to be and there's no one I'd rather do ." He splutters. "Nothing! I mean there's nothing I'd rather do."
I ignore his Freudian slip but for some insane reason, I feel like donning leather chaps and joining in with the ladies dancing to Christina. "Look Bunny, you're gonna get me fired."
"You won't get fired and even if you do, I can easily get you a job." His smirks back.
"Really? That's so kind of you, because porn star was on my list of things I wanted to be when I was a little girl, right between a fairy princess and prima ballerina."
I start to move past him but he places a hand on my arm his touch zapping through me like a fucking electric shock, sparking into a fire when he whispers into my ear, "You could always be my fluffer."
A/N Thanks to A-Jasper-For-Me and Grnidgirl for all their help. Many thanks to each and every one of you for reading, reviewing and pimping, you make our day.
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