Thanks again for sticking with me!!! I didn't proof read this chapter, so please forgive any mistakes that are in this chapter! Thanks again!

Chapter 8: Life is Pain

"Alice, are you- ?" Father asked when I returned to camp. I suppose my eyes were still red from my tears.

"Perfectly." I honestly hadn't meant to snap at him, but that is how it fell from my lips. I went to my tent and hid until it was time for my first match. How could Michael drop all of this on me at once?! I could not think of this now. Whoever I faced would have a field day because I would be easily unhorsed in the state I was in at the moment.

God… what can I do? I prayed silently as I sat with my knees pulled up to my chest, crying like I hadn't cried in many years. They were both so prefect in their own ways… Why should I be blessed and cursed with two men that I loved, yes, I loved them and I knew I did now, why else would I be so torn between them? Many people searched for years on end to find their true love, but here I had not even been thinking about love, much less searching for it, and now Edward and Michael were ripping my heart apart.

'Is your family not the one that loves to change the stars?'

'Change the stars, yes, but not the whole workings of the heavens.'

Michael's words and my answer to them rang in my ears. I had already had my stars changed once… did I dare try to change them again? Did I even want to change them? Love is so confusing!

God, help me.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"You all right, Alice?" Father asked as we stood in the lists with the others looking out at the field. I had my helmet under my arm and it was a good bet that I looked like I was not focused on sizing my opponent up, but was staring out into thin air.

"Huh? Oh, yes. I'm fine, Father." I said looking up at him and forcing a small smile. "Just thinking…" I admitted.

"Best focus on the match at hand." He said gently. Damn, he knew something was wrong, and I would probably have to answer for it later.

I noticed then that everyone was unusually quiet. I looked at each of them, even Uncle Geoff was a lost for words. "Did I miss something? Everyone looks as though they are in a graveyard…"

"You seem upset about something, Alice." Wat was the first to speak up.

"Yes, is there anything you would like to talk about before this match?" Geoff asked.

"Why yes, I would like to know why my herald is standing around here when he should be ready to go up after my opponent's herald." I said managing a small smirk.

Geoff looked over his shoulder and sure enough, the other herald was nearly finished. "My duties as herald come second to my duties as your near-uncle." He said looking down at me carefully.

At least I knew that Kate hadn't told them anything since they would have been asking if I was insane or not if they had known what happened between Michael and me earlier.

"I'm just thinking. I seem to have a lot on my mind at the moment." I mounted my horse. It was easier this time to fake a smile, and I believe that it looked far more natural since it felt as such on my lips. I put my helmet on. Even if Geoff did not give my introduction, I still had a match at the moment.

"Alice, if you do not wish to joust at the moment…" Father said, but I could tell it was killing him to let the words pass his teeth.

"Father, are you feeling well?" I joked lightly. The flagman had stepped up by this time. "Lance?" I asked looking down at Wat who looked just as confused as the rest, but he handed me one of my green and purple lances. I closed my visor and awaited the drop of the flag.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

At the end of the day, I had won all of my matches in the joust and the sword, but Father, Geoff, Wat, and now, Roland and Noah had picked up on my odd mood. My only blessing was that Kate still had not told them about my little visit from Michael. They kept asking me if I was all right or if I wanted to rest or completely skip a match. I continued to inform them that they were a little touched in the head and that I was absolutely fine. They didn't buy it.

Both Noah and I were in the finals of our events set to take place the following morning, with Banquet to end the tournament that night. All the excitement that I usually had, or at least the smugness at winning, was gone for the first time since we had left home. I lay on my bed in my tent and stared up at the fabric above me, once again pondering my dilemma. I tossed and turned all night, but still could not come to a conclusion of what I truly wanted to do. It would be so much simpler if I could just hate Michael as I should, but that made little difference since I did not, and believed that, I could not hate him.

My lack of sleep showed the next morning, when I rose and readied for my final match. I just wanted to crawl back under my blankets and hid from the world. The sky seemed to want to aid Fate in tormenting me; the gray clouds that floated lazily in the air were the same color as Michael's eyes. Once again, everyone was strangely quiet and looked at me as if they expected me to suddenly fall ill… everyone that is except my father.

"Focus, Alice. I doubt that he'll back down this time." He said clearly excited about the match and not letting everyone's gloomy attitude to bring him down.

"Ummm… Father? Who?" I asked not sure who I was even facing for tournament champion.

"Adhemar!" He replied as if everyone in the world should know.

I groaned as I looked across the field, and sure enough, Michael sat on his night-black horse and a gold and black lance in his hand. He looked about as joyful as I was about this. His own father was giving him a talk as well. 'Just bloody brilliant!'

"Alice! Please attempt to pay attention!" Father nearly yelled to force me to focus on what he was saying, but I could not concentrate. How had I not realized this? Of course Michael would make it to the finals!

I put my helmet on and took the lance that Wat handed up to me without paying attention to anything that Father was saying. It didn't matter at the moment. All that did was that I had to race forward with a lance to strike a man that I loved because I had to "make a point" the first time I had faced him. I tried to keep my breathing even as I watched for the flag to drop. Once again, Geoff did not bother to introduce me.

The flag dropped and I paused a moment to make sure that Michael had learned his lesson from the last time. He raced forward, as did I. Time seemed to slow as we neared each other, and everything around me seemed clearer then they had been just moments ago. I kept my eye on my target, Michael's right shoulder. Perhaps, this heightened sense of things around only made it worse when we finally struck each other.

Pain! Pain like I had never know shot threw me, starting at my left shoulder; barely above and over from my heart. I gasped out as I finally realized what had happened. The end of Michael's lance stuck out of my left shoulder as the pain that felt like lightening ripped through my body.