10. Fitting In
"So, here you are,
too foreign for home
too foreign for here.
Never enough for both." - Ijeoma Umebinyuo
"She's upset," Haymitch remarked, watching as Effie stormed past him in the living room to the kitchen. "I know when she's upset. Don't work with someone for 15 years and not know. What the hell happened?"
Peeta let out a sigh as he unwrap the scarf around his neck.
"Just a little set back," he said.
"Set back 'bout what?" Haymitch pressed. "She's in the kitchen making tea and if that's chamomile, then it's got to be serious."
At that, Peeta arched an eyebrow but Haymitch stood his ground, not reacting to it at all. He knew Effie well and that was not something he should be embarrassed about, even if the boy was looking at him with a half-amused smile playing on his lips.
Haymitch peered into the kitchen to see the box of tea bags on the counter.
"Definitely chamomile," he confirmed, reading the label. "So spit it out."
"We were from Town. Now that there are stalls springing up and business is picking up again in Twelve, Effie wanted to try something. She asked a tailor today if there was any vacancy," Peeta paused briefly, looking at Haymitch to gauge his reaction but his face remained impassively blank. Not surprising since there was nothing terrible yet. "So – uh – he said there's no place for Capitol fashion here, said some other things as well."
"Yeah, like what?"
"He was … gloating about how the mighty have fallen."
"That little fuck," Haymitch cursed. "After we helped raised that space for him… We cemented the damn floor and laid out the bricks for him."
"Well, he doesn't know that," Peeta pointed out. "Multiple shop spaces were built together at once. He's just renting the space from the Council."
Haymitch clenched his jaws. "Maybe he needs a little reminding. What the hell did you do when he said that? You stood up for her?"
"I am perfectly capable of standing up for myself, thank you very much," Effie chimed in from where she was. "Although it is sweet of you, Haymitch, please do not drop by to remind him of anything."
"It's rude to eavesdrop," he shot back.
Effie came out just then with a teacup in hand.
"I am serious. You will not say anything to him. I do not want him to be bullied into giving me a job," Effie said and when he was about to protest, she hastily added, "Yes, I understand perfectly that it is not your intention to intimidate him into anything but if you were to have a word with him, it will certainly seem like it."
"That wasn't the first time though, Effie," Peeta said softly before turning to Haymitch. "None of them here is willing to hire her. They do not want to be seen as a Capitol - "
"That is quite enough, Peeta," Effie interrupted curtly. "I understand you mean well but thank you. There's no reason to agitate him further."
It was only after Peeta left to head over to Katniss' place that Haymitch addressed Effie again.
"You're looking for a job? First time I'm hearin' it."
"I did not want to say anything until after I found employment. It's just... I need to start pulling my weight around here. Besides, it will give me something to do other than fixing your shirt or learning to bake. I love Peeta, I do but I just do not feel passionate about baking as he does. What else am I doing here besides all that and teaching Sally?"
"You like teaching Sae's granddaughter."
"I do," Effie said. "I will continue that, of course, but I should also start earning and saving some money for myself, too. I need to find my footing. I need to make myself useful and relevant again."
"The boy's opening a bakery so why don't you just wait and work for him. Not to bake, necessarily," he added, "but you can work the counter, yeah? You get to meet people, stuffs like that."
Effie sighed. With careful movement, she sipped her tea before speaking again.
"I want to be able to do something on my own, without having to rely on you or Peeta. That is why I do not want you to speak on my behalf to anyone. I want to know – no, I need to know – that I can do it on my own."
"So... you went to a tailor for a job? That's the best you can do?"
She gasped, looking scandalised by his insult.
"I do believe that I'll make a good seamstress," she told him rather defensively. "I went to the library as well. You are aware, of course, that the library will be open to public once more and they might be looking to hire staffs. It doesn't matter. My employment is hardly a cause for concern," she waved him off and promptly changed the subject. "How is the book that you are helping Katniss with coming along?"
A dark shadow passed across his face. This was not something he would rather talk about but he wanted to talk to her. It made him feel pathetic to crave her attention and time this badly.
"It's painful," he answered truthfully, "but in a way, it's helping Katniss heal and move on, so I'll do it for her."
She smiled and reached out to squeeze his arm.
"Oh!" Her eyes were bright with excitement. "Did you notice? I made new drapes for Peeta's house – the living room and dining room. I'm working on the bedrooms but that should be done quite soon."
It was ironic, he thought, that she still referred to this as Peeta's house when Haymitch had long thought of the house as hers.
"I'm thinking..." Effie tapped her chin and he absolutely detested the glint in her eyes, "that I can work on yours next."
"Hell, no," he folded his arms. "My house doesn't need anything."
"Of course, it does! Your house especially," she fired back. "It is cluttered with... things. If you were to keep it clean and sanitary, we might even have a change of scenery, have dinner at your house once in a while."
"Sweetheart, if you want to have dinner with me at my place, just say it," he smirked. "This roundabout way... Too much work, yeah?"
Effie narrowed her eyes at him. "We shall revisit this line of thought at a later date after the state of your house has improved."
He fought off the smile threatening to bloom on his face. She had not rejected the idea, merely putting it aside. He took that as a good sign.
"Fine," he threw his hands up in surrender. "Do whatever you want to do to occupy your time and whatever you think is best but, no pink and nothing that glitters either."
XxX
Effie's laughter filling his house was something he really could get used to.
Haymitch sat on his sofa, drink in hand watching her as she animatedly retold her story. It was good to see her this way. He still spend his nights out on the porch with her whenever the nightmares kept her at night but when the sun was out, she was different. She was happier.
"I wish you had been there to see his face," Effie pressed a finger to the corner of her eye. She had laughed too much, she was tearing. "I went by to the tailor's shop and brought all those fabric for your drapes. His eyes nearly bulged out. I think if it weren't for the money, he wouldn't have sold any to me."
"Right," he chuckled.
Haymitch eyed the fabric, nicely sown into drapes for his living room. She had even taken it a step further and made covers for the cushions on his sofa.
"Where'd you learn how to sow? Thought you'd just buy everything in the Capitol."
"Yes, my mother's sentiment, exactly. She did not think it was a particularly useful skill to have," she said, handing him the drapes for him to put up. She had painstakingly made him clean the windows three days ago for this exact reason. "I had a summer internship with a stylist years ago and I was taught to design and create clothes. Curtains are far easier, let me tell you."
He glanced over at her. He had known her for nearly two decades and it was surprising how he was still learning new things about her.
Once the living room was done, they made their way upstairs. She wrinkled her nose at the sight of his unmade bed and he was sure that his bed would be the next thing she would tackle.
"You need fresh new sheets," she muttered as they made their way out after he had put up the drapes in his room.
"Thought you might say that."
The study was next. She blinked at the clutter of books on his table and he became aware of her poking her nose where it was not wanted while he stood on the ladder, the fabric slung over his arms.
"What are these?"
"Books," he deadpanned.
He heard the rustling of papers and when he glanced behind his shoulder, she was intently studying his scribbles and comparing it with the contents of the open book on the table.
"Are you teaching yourself sign language?" Effie queried, looking at him for the first time since they entered the study.
It was only after he was done with the drapes that he approached her. He took the papers from her hand and placed them back on the table, using the book as a paper weight.
"I am," he admitted, clearing his throat as he did so. "I'm trying to … It might help people...the avoxes."
"What are you talking about?"
He steered her towards one of the armchair and urged her to take a seat. Haymitch pulled the foot rest closer, sitting down in front of her.
Slowly, he told her of the incident that transpired in the train many months ago with Ailes.
"So, yeah," he shrugged. "Now I'm thinking of setting up a place here in Twelve, like a shelter or a... halfway house."
"A halfway house..."
"Yeah, I think that's the word. They'll be able to take up residence in the house until they can find their footing in the world. There, I want them to be able to communicate and for them to do that, I got to be able to communicate with them as well. I can't teach it to them until I get this done myself. I even thought of … The house is a place for them to learn and relearn skills, any skills that can help them get a job and stand on their own. They can learn from each other and teach it to others. They aren't slaves anymore. Pollux and Ailes have agreed to help. I was going to ask Peeta if he doesn't mind volunteering a few hours each day – he can teach them to bake and paint, still skills, yeah?"
"Oh, Haymitch," her gaze softened. "That's wonderful. That is really wonderful. The fact that you thought of them when no one else did..." Effie cupped his cheek. "You have a good heart."
Again, he cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. He was never comfortable with praises especially so when they were freely given.
"You are," she insisted. "What you are giving them... Education, social and emotional support... You're giving them a gift, Haymitch."
"Let's just hope it works out, eh?" He chuckled. "Now, sweetheart, I got to ask about your plans. You're off looking for jobs so you're staying? Or is this still…. I don't know, temporary?"
"Are you regretting your decision to let me work on your house? Are you trying to get rid of me already?" she teased.
"I'm serious, Effs. I know we talked about this and I know you need time. I said I'm going to be here and I am. Got nowhere else to be but what 'bout you? You've never said nothin' about what your plans are."
"That is because I have none."
Her answer was simple but not to him.
"Looking for a job is a plan," he pointed out.
"True," she agreed. "I am just... Taking things as they are. I do not want to plan my life three years from now or five years from now. I want to live it as it is, as frightening as it sounds," she leaned forward in her seat and Haymitch clasped her hand in his, rubbing a thumb over her knuckles. "All my life, I have schedules and plans but now... I am strangely alright with it. I just want to get better, be better."
"You'll be," he assured.
"The truth… The Capitol did not feel like home anymore so I came with Peeta, foolishly thinking that perhaps, I could find someplace that I could feel belonged; someplace other than the Capitol. Not here in particular but I figured, here is a start. I have thought of returning to the Capitol but I am still afraid to return and find out that I can never fit in back again. Here…. I have been here nearly a year but I am still very much an outsider. Have you any idea how scary it is not to belong anywhere? Not here and not there, a place that I have called home for years…"
The last thing she expected from him was the small, quiet chuckles. The sound reverberated and his shoulders shook. Effie was looking at him as if he was the cruelest person to be laughing in her face
"Sweetheart, you're asking me this? I had one foot in this district and one foot in the Capitol since I was sixteen. I wasn't district enough to be accepted into this community when I had money, food, a decent house and good clothes on my back, and I wasn't posh enough to be accepted into your society. Have I any idea what it feels like to not feel belong? Yeah, I do, Effie, I do."
"I've … I have never thought of it that way. I never thought you – I'm sorry," she said, her eyes shining bright under the light.
"Ain't your fault," he muttered. "You feel lost, I get that."
"Yes… But you and the children make it better."
"Yeah?" he asked with a smile. "You can make this your home. Hell, it doesn't have to be here. You and I … We can go somewhere together."
He hated how hopeful he sounded but that was the truth and he was done skirting and hiding where she was concern.
"What I told you still stands – no pressure, alright? It's just an option, yeah? Somethin' we can do."
"Yes," she nodded.
"How about you start small? Help me help the avoxes… Help me with the program. I work better with you," he suggested and it did cross his mind that with something to occupy her here, she would be around longer. "These little projects you're doing with my house and Peeta's are all well and good, sweetheart, but you're better at planning and bossing people around."
"Why didn't you lead with this earlier?" she asked in exasperation.
"Cause you were looking for somethin' that pays – this doesn't."
She's looking for it so let's give Effie Trinket a purpose! What do you think of Haymitch's plans and offering Effie a role in it?