Chapter 9 : Letting Go.

The seals stayed, fulfilling perfectly their duty days after days. Thor didn't impugn them again. He didn't pay a visit to his brother to quarrel with him. Thor regretted enough their last argument, which turned Loki into a fearful and almost totally mute person. Even if he claimed otherwise, the solitude terrorized Loki and he didn't dare speak freely anymore, fearing that his damned tongue let slip something that might anger Thor again and make him leave for good. Thor would never do that, but no matter how much time he said so, nothing seemed to ease Loki's dread.

So Thor visited him as often as he could. He would stay with him as long as his body could stand the unforgiving cold of Jötunheim, trying his best to fill the long moments of uneasy silence that would stand between them two with implausibly tales gleaned here and there, managing sometime to tear a more or less sincere laugh from Loki, and those rare moments would taste like victory to him. And despise the cold burning his skin and benumbing his limbs, Thor did his best to stay each time a little longer with his brother.

Over time, the visits became closer, longer, until Thor practically didn't leave Loki's chambers at all. He neglected friends, duty and Kingdom to keep company to his brother. The Golden Prince disappeared from the feasts and from the celebrations. He dutifully turned down each invitation to a hunting party or to an epic expedition offered by the Warriors 3, or Sif, or anyone. He refused each mission set by Odin or the Diars. Heimdall didn't have to debate with himself to decide if, yes or no, the purpose of his Young Prince's new foolish quest of really justified the use of the Bifröst and if it was worthy enough to brave Odin's scolds that inevitably followed each Thor's travel (and the diplomatic incidents that came with).

Like Loki, Thor suddenly vanished from the sight of the people of Asgard. He was willing to lock himself with his brother for the eternity if he had to, just to make sure that Loki wasn't alone. That was Justice after all. Thor was the one who triggered it all and brought misfortune on his Family. It's was not fair if he was the only one left unscathed in this story.

Loki said nothing. He just quietly, secretly, enjoyed his brother's presence (even if sometime it was as cumbersome as comforting). He had been so blinded by his resentment that he had underestimated the violence and the cruelty of an eternal isolation. But he saw it now. Before, he used to rant against Thor when the latter dragged him, more or less by force, in never-ending strolls (that always ended in fight to death with a Dragon, a Troll, or whatever creature with fangs and claws that crossed their path) with their friends instead of just leaving him study in peace. But now, Loki knew better. If Thor left him, Loki would die from it.

But while he savored the company and pretended to listen to his brother's odd stories, Loki observed. And soon, he noticed alarming changes in Thor's behavior. His laugh turned less booming, less cheerful. Rarer, too. His skin lost its tanned complexion from the time of the long adventures, and it covered up with burns from the cold. While Loki regained slowly his strengths, Thor, he, was growing weaker. The azure blue eyes lost their sparks of life and turned vacant. And Loki took fright when he surprised more and more often the longing in those once forever happy eyes when Thor looked at the flight of the migratory birds through the window.

Captivity was not for Thor. He couldn't stand the seclusion and he would die if he stayed locked here, but his love for his brother didn't allow him to let him alone in his big golden cage.

Loki thought about it for a long time, torn between two sentiments. A tiny, and yet how so abhorrent and loud part of himself just didn't care. It said that it served Thor right, that it was his fault after all, and why in Hel's name should he give Thor a freedom that he himself had lost forever ? And at the same time, while Loki only had disdain and bitterness toward the people of Asgard (even if he didn't say it aloud anymore), Thor kept his place in his heart. Seeing him wither through the day was far more painful that those fires that consumed slowly his body.

Desperate, Loki looked for a way that would allow him to keep Thor by his sides and give back his strengths and enthusiasm to his brother at the same time. He sought until the sleep and the hunger couldn't reach him anymore. He searched so hard. But found nothing. Loki had to resign himself. Thor couldn't stay with him.

One day, when Thor, oh forever loyal Thor, enters the room, he finds Loki looking intently through the window, eyes unfocused. Thor opens his mouth to greet his brother but, for the first since months, it is Loki who speaks the first.

"They are setting an expedition. To Alfaheim."

Thor starts at that. How…?

"How do you know ?"

Loki laughs, a mockery of what used to be his laugh before.

"Birds. They are so talkative, you know ? And they can see everything. No wonder that Odin choose two ravens as spies."

And he laughs again, because he used to be so scared of Huginn and Muginn, with their piercing eyes and big black feathers and sharp talons. They still scare him. A little (but just because now he knows that they are no pets but real spies who would report every move of every living of the Nine Realms to their Master).

"You speak with birds ?" Thor asks, and there is some jealousy in his voice. He has to struggle to tear one word to Loki, and his brother speaks freely with birds, creatures as brainless as the worms they eat (with all due respect to Huginn and Muginn). "Since when ?"

Loki just shrugs at that, eyes following absently the clouds in the sky. Stupid Thor. Who care about since when he can talk to birds ?

"Will you go with them ?" he asks instead, and his fingers twitch on the window, because he already knows the answer and because what he'll have to say is tearing is heart apart.

Thor hangs his head down. Oh, Norns, how we wants to go. Go, if only for one day, away from that cold and doleful place that gnaws on his fingers. Sun, fresh air, Freedom…

"No" he says, and it's like a little part of himself died.

Loki stays silent for a moment. There is still time, a voice says, deep inside his mind. You still can keep him by your sides, all you have to do is to stay silent…

"But you're dying to go." Loki follows on. It's not even a question. He knows.

Thor takes a step back. What is this cruel game that his brother is playing ? Or maybe it's a test ? Maybe he wants to see if Thor truly cares about him, care enough to give up an umpteenth opportunity to go away from him ? Maybe if pass this test, then Loki will go back to his old usual behavior ?

"Loki… no. No, I…"

And Loki laughs again at that, and that laugh chills Thor to the bones, because it remembers him when Loki asked him to kill him.

"Oh Thor, you never was able to say a decent lie !"

Thor wants to defend himself and to tell him that he doesn't lie, that he truly wants to stay with him, but he stops himself before he says anything. Loki is right. Thor never knew how to lie properly. He failed. Again.

"Go with them."

Those three words ring like a clap of thunder and Thor staggers.

"What ?"

Finally, Loki abandons his window and turns to face him. His eyes shimmer in a way that scares Thor.

"Go to Alfaheim. I think our soldiers need you more than I do."

Thor doesn't understand what is happening and when Loki is about to resume his false study of the clouds, he pulls him close and embraces him with all his might.

"I'm not going to leave you, Loki. I won't give up on you. Never ! I… I don't know how to make you understand that, how to make you believe me, but…"

"I believe you, Thor." Loki murmurs as he lets his fingers runs through his brother's golden hair. "I believe you. But you must go. If you stay, I will lose you forever."

Thor tightens his grip and burrows his head in Loki's neck.

"You did more than your share" Loki says, voice calm and steady, as if he was speaking of the weather. "But it's time for you to regain your freedom. Imprisonment is not for you, brother. Don't you see what this accursed place is doing to you ? I see. And Asgard needs his Golden Prince. You must leave."

One by one, tears roll on Thor's face.

"I can't, Loki. I can't. How I am supposed to go and live like nothing happened, without you by my sides ? How could I walk free when you'll never be able to, when it's my entire fault ? No, Loki. I can't."

Loki stays silent, a little stunned. With all his self-pitying, he had not realized that Thor was feeling that guilty. How convince him then? How convince him to go ? The prospect of begging Thor is not really attractive, even if he did things more shameful during those past months…

Then, finally, an idea sparks to life in his tired mind. And he wants to laugh, because he was looking for that very idea since a very long time and to see it appears, just like that, is quite laughable.

"Let's make a deal, Thor. A… new oath, if you want. You will hunt in the woods with the people of the Court and you will travel across the Worlds with Warriors 3 and with the Lady Sif. You will fight in the name of Asgard and you will become the greatest hero of the Nine Realms. You will resume your old life, like if nothing happened."

"But Loki…!"

"And when you come back from your journeys…" Loki interrupts, because he feels his courage leave his heart and he has to hurry. "When you come back, you will come to me and you will tell me of your adventures. Like so, it will be like I had traveled with you, and I will see the Worlds through your eyes. Do you think you can do that for me, brother ?"

Loki prays the Norns to make Thor go away, right now, because it's getting really humiliating to always cry before Thor. But at last, at last, Thor stops shaking and he says the words that he's waiting for, and Loki fells so relieved that, for a short instant, it dulls that horrible pain in his chest from when his heart started to bleed.

"Aye, little brother. That, I can."

And at last, Loki lets Thor go.

Oh my God ! That chapter just killed me (and it was one hell to translate! _). I thought I would never be able to finish it ! _ I'm so sorry it took so long (especially when, in the end, it's quite a short chapter… sometimes I hate myself…), I did my best… ToT

One of my friend read it before I post it to tell me what she thought about it (and to correct the syntax mistakes, because even if I reread and reread again, there are still some and that just despair me…). The only thing she found to say was:

"Oh! It remembers me Beauty and the Beast ! You know, when the Beast lets Beauty go to save her father! Did you watch some Disney movies lately?"

…

Well, nope… But now that she said it… I worked 4 years in Disneyland Paris… Apparently, it left some marks on me… Van, I won't let you read my chapters first… T_T

Anyways, Thor, I hope that you enjoy your new status of ''Princess Beauty''… because I think that it'll follow you for a while ! Oh, and Loki, don't despair ! The Beast turns back into a human at the end of the movie (even if I think that he was prettier in his Beast form… TvT) !

Thanks for reading guys ! ^o^