A/N: Sorry for the long time between posts! I started a new job and have been busy moving into a new apartment... I promise to start writing more. I tried to keep this chapter PG-13. I think I may write out details and post a mini story, though, for those adults who may be reading.
Once again, italics are excerpts from the novelization of "Return of the Jedi" and are not my own writing! They are provided scenes to help guide the reader to the point of the plot in which I am writing.
IX
The Millennium Falcon rested in the main docking bay of the Rebel Star Cruiser, getting loaded and serviced. Just beyond it sat the stolen Imperial shuttle, looking anomalous in the midst of all the Rebel X-wing fighters.
Chewie supervised the final transfer of weapons and supplies to the shuttle and oversaw the placement of the strike team. Han stood with Lando between the two ships, saying goodbye – for all they knew, forever.
"I mean it, take her!" Solo insisted, indicating the Falcon. "She'll bring you luck. You know she's the fastest ship in the whole fleet, now." Han had really souped her up after winning her from Lando. She'd always been fast, but now she was much faster. And the modifications Solo added had really made the Falcon a part of him – he'd put his love and sweat into it. His spirit. So giving her to Lando now was truly Solo's final transformation – as selfless a gift as he'd ever given.
And Lando understood. "Thanks, old buddy. I'll take good care of her. You know I always flew her better than you did, anyway. She won't get a scratch on her, with me at the stick."
Solo looked warmly at the endearing rogue. "I've got your word – not a scratch."
"Take off, you pirate – next thing you'll have me putting down a security deposit."
"See you soon, pal."
They parted without their true feelings expressed aloud, as was the way between men of deeds in those times; each walked up the ramp into a different ship.
Han entered the cockpit of the Imperial shuttle as Luke was doing some find tuning on a rear navigator panel. Chewbacca, in the copilots seat, was trying to figure out the Imperial controls. Han took the pilot's chair, and Chewie growled grumpily about the design.
"Yeah, yeah," Solo answered, "I don't think the Empire designed it with a Wookie in mind."
Leia walked in from the hold, taking her seat near Luke. "We're all set back there."
"Rrrwfr," said Chewie, hitting the first sequence of switches. He looked over at Solo, but Han was motionless, staring out the window at something. Chewie and Leia both followed his gaze to the object of his unyielding attention – the Millennium Falcon.
Leia gently nudge the pilot. "Hey, you awake up there?"
"I just got a funny feeling." Han mused. "Like I'm never going to see her again." He thought of the times she'd saved him with her speed, of the times he'd saved her with his cunning or his touch. He thought of the universe they'd seen together, of the shelter she'd given him; of the way he knew her, inside and out. OF the time they'd slept in each other's embrace, floating still as a quiet dream in the black silence of deep space.
Chewbacca, hearing this, took his own longing look at the Falcon. Leia put her hand on Solo's shoulder. She knew he had special love for his ship and was reluctant to interrupt this last communion. But time was dear, and becoming dearer. "Come on, Captain," she whispered. "Let's move."
Han snapped back to the moment. "Right. Okay, Chewie, let's find out what this baby can do."
They fired up the engines in the stolen shuttle, eased out of the docking bay, and banked off into the endless night.
Once the shuttle was steady in space, Han had Chewie figure out how to get her into hyperspace so they could speed up their trip. The rest of the fleet was behind them, traveling at a normal pace in order to make their attack from space. They would not be needed until the attack on the second Death Star began. That would be well after the shuttle landed on Endor's moon and the fleet broke into the control panels.
Solo went back into a trance, thinking of the Falcon once more. Of all the things that he loved, she topped the list. She was part of him, and he was part of her, and even though the odds of them making it out of the mission alive were slim, he vowed to take her on a trip of their own once the war was over.
Luke was the first to break the solemn silence. Though he could feel the others starting to doubt themselves, he was always cheerful and light. "Mind if I try out the controls?" he asked, nudging his way between Han and Chewie.
"Sure, kid," Han replied, not thinking of what he was saying.
Chewie roared an acceptance, inviting Luke to trade seats with Han.
Solo let him, deciding to go wallow in his sorrows in the main hold.
Leia watched him leave, the breeze blowing gently as he passed. Thinking for a moment, she decided to join him. "I'll just be a moment," she muttered, knowing neither Luke nor Chewie were paying attention to her – they were too busy trying to decide which switch did what on the dash.
Solo made his way into the seat of the main hold, which resembled something of the sabacc table that was part of the Falcon. The familiar curve of the bench welcomed him.
Strangely, he thought of his ship and all that he had done for her, and all that she had done for him. His heart sunk. Of all the times he was in a tight squeeze, she was there for all of it. At least now, he still had his trusty sidekick: his DL-44.
Taking the blaster out of his holster, he inspected it closely. The barrel felt smooth in his hands, like it always had. The grip was ribbed, but it made it easy to hold on to. Han clicked the safety on and off a few times, listening to the sound. It was familiar. It was something he liked.
Several times during their trip to the Alliance frigate, Solo had anticipated being alone. But never was he alone like this. At the point when he had figured Leia had moved on, he debated ending it many times. But somehow, there was always something to stay for. Even now, there was something to stay for…to see his ship again.
Slowly, he turned the head of the blaster towards him. He stared into it, clicking the safety on and off again. If he wanted to, he could play Russian Roulette. At any moment he could pull his trigger, and that would be it. After the pain the carbon had caused him, and how empty he felt since he pushed himself on Leia, and especially how the Alliance had reacted… Solo tried to think of a reason not to.
And then, as if on cue, his mind was flooded with the same thoughts he had about the Falcon, except for something else. Someone else. Leia. Han realized that he loved her just as dearly. She had stolen his heart, somehow, and she, along with the hopes of seeing his ship again, was the reason not to.
"Han?"
The voice rang from the side of the room, followed by silence so still that he suspected she were holding her breath.
When Solo turned his head, he spotted Leia coming from the cockpit to join him. At first, he couldn't understand the fear on her face, and then, he realized how things must look. His blaster, pointed straight at his face.
"Han, stop!" Leia shouted, making him jump.
And then, the Princess was sprinting towards him, ready to tackle. As a reflex, Han dropped the weapon, letting it bounce on the floor in front of him as he waited for her attack.
"Leia, it's fine, I'm fi-" Solo tried to reason, but it didn't matter.
The blaster released on impact against the ground, shooting just over his shoulder as Leia rammed into him.
The two tumbled to the ground, landing on the cold floor with a thud. Leia, luckily, was on top of Solo, so she didn't have to suffer the impact. The smuggler, unfortunately, didn't have the same fate.
Leia pushed herself off the floor and off of Han, ready to pull him up with her, but his body fell limp.
"Han?" Leia whispered, begging him to sit up on his own with her tone. "Han, answer me."
His face was still.
Leia felt tears begin to well up in her eyes. Had she really just witnessed the infamous smuggler, whom she had just saved, take his own life? Things surely couldn't be that bad. For a moment, Leia wondered if she had not noticed him in pain since freeing him from the carbon. Had she missed something?
"I'm so sorry…" she told him, burying her face in his shoulder as she bent down to hold him.
"Save it, sweetheart," Solo's voice muttered from underneath her.
Leia pushed off the ground instantly, her eyes scanning Solo intently. He blinked his eyes open, rubbed his head where it had hit the floor, and sat up. His famous crooked smile crept onto his face as he met her gaze.
"You make me set her to stun, remember?" he told her playfully, hoping she would let it go.
Instead, the Princess huffed and pushed the Corellian back against the bench, making him hit his head again.
"Hey!" he snapped, groaning. "If you do that again, I might be dead!"
"I thought you were!" Leia barked in rage. Still, fear was present in her voice, too. "What are you thinking, Solo?! Of all people, you want to take your own life?! I lost my whole planet and-"
Han rolled his eyes and let out a sigh, causing Leia to stop mid speech. "I wasn't trying to kill myself," he informed her as he laid back on the floor. It was the only way to kill his headache.
"Don't do that," the Princess ordered, dragging his body up into a sitting position once more.
The world swirled as Han was lifted up again. "Watch it, Princess," he argued. "I'm beginning to go blind again with all of this up and down."
"Good, you deserve it!" Leia was still furious. "How could you?!"
"I told you, I was just playing around with it. It wouldn't have gone off if you hadn't come running at me like that."
"Oh, so it's my fault?" Leia gasped in disbelief. "Why, you scruffy, nerf herding, laser brained…" Slowly, her words turned from angry to sad, and she let herself break down. "…lucky pilot that I love…"
Then, she was sobbing into her own hands. She had seen her parents killed, her planet destroyed, her own fleet taken out…but never had she shown vulnerability.
"Hey," Han spoke softly, reaching for her. He pulled her in, holding her tightly as they sat on the floor. "Look, it just nipped my shoulder. I'm all right."
"I already lost you once!" Leia wept, speaking into his shoulder once again. "And then I come in here finding you pointing that thing at yourself!"
"It was stupid," Solo agreed. "I was just lost in thought. I wasn't paying attention."
"Thinking about what? About how you could get away from all of this?"
Han chuckled, but decided to have a serious remark back. "About how I think I love you more than the Falcon," he told her.
Leia looked up with wet eyes suddenly turning soft. She could feel her rushed breathing radiate against his face and bounce back at her as she studied him. He wasn't lying.
Instantly, Leia crushed her lips against his, grabbing at the back of his head desperately. Han was surprised by her sudden kiss, but embraced it. Even though he had had enough of the up and down after hitting his head, he pulled the Senator down slightly as he sunk back against the bench from the floor. He relaxed, leaning his head against the seat as he pulled the girl onto his lap, eager for more than just her kiss.
Leia knew little about what she was doing, but she didn't mind. She did know that the fleet wouldn't land for another hour or two, and despite the noise the two had just caused, neither Luke or Chewie had come to check on them. They were alone.
Then, Han's hands gripped her own as she brushed off his vest and reached for his belt. "Hey," Solo spoke, his breathing heavy. "There's no rush, Leia."
Leia. He said her name again. Not Princess. Not Worship. Leia.
She gazed at him with longing eyes. "I don't want to risk you leaving me again," she told him in sorrow, catching her own breath. Again, she fumbled with his belt, failing miserably.
He laughed lightly watching her struggle. "I'm not going anywhere," Han told her as he helped her out and unclipped his holster.
"Good," Leia whispered feistily. "Because after this, you're not allowed to leave me."
Then, she pressed her lips against his again and pulled his shirt from his waist, revealing his flat stomach. She felt Solo smile against her lips as his warm hands traveled up her back, and finally, she felt at peace.