Authors Notes: Hey guys, here's another chapter for ya :) This is the beginning of a series of events that will change Bella forever, so I hope you like it!
Please, please, please review or I won't know if anyone is reading, or if its any good. It means a lot to me to have reviews.
so, I hope you enjoy!
love,
your author
November 20th
Dear Diary,
It is 2 Fridays passed my previous entry. My life seems to have deteriorated into nothing more than Gideon Prewett and Friday night detentions, and this is hardly how I imaged my 6th year at Hogwarts, rife with blood traitors and endless punishment for defending what I believe in. No really, my life is getting a bit banal, even to me, so I do apologize for not writing every day, but if living my life is boring, I would dream that reading about it would be even more so and I do not wish to subject my beautiful little diary to rich and inescapable boredom.
Gideon is a trusting fool who is getting a little too fresh with where he puts his blood traitoring hands. Mostly, we just snog and talk lightly of our friends, quiddich, or lessons. Sometimes, though, he allows me to catch this glimpse into his heart, pouring out the tragedy of his family loss, the burden of trying to help raise Fabian and Molly, and the weight of his perfection. He says its hard to be a prefect, hard to be following the path of an aspiring auror, hard to hold onto his beliefs when the world is questioning his every move. I stare at him when he talks of such things, completely wrong footed and speech less and will often just grab him and kiss him so he'll shut up. I do not like these talks of pain, strength, and his personal journey, it makes me a bit nausous. I say very little about myself to him, afriad to let him see any part of me, for then my entire facade might then unravel and I'll be left with nothing but my lies before the plan is a success.
Moving on from my sordid faux love life, detention last Friday merely entailed lines with McGonagall that read "I am only as strong as my weakest fellow classmate." Though I wrote that disgusting excuse for a sentence 300 times, I do not believe a single syllable of its utter nonsense. Muggles running around in costumes on Halloween demanding candy from strangers makes infinitely more sense to me than those lines. McGonagall might consider a taking healthy dose of sanity with her morning coffee if she holds by that statement, its enough to make even Ted raise an eye brow in skepticism, and Ted Tonks is all about nonsense like that.
Detention tonight, however, demanded that the group of us water the greenhouses, once again chaperoned by Hagrid, who once again instructed us on how to water each plant properly before retreating to his pathetic excuse for a home on the other side of the chilly grounds. The evening began quietly enough, as they usually do. The Gryffindors were watering one side of the greenhouse dissolved in conversation, and the Slytherins were opposite them, in silence.
"So, I'm seeing someone new now," Fabian announced proudly, his voice carrying with its air of smug pride over to our side of the greenhouses.
"Who's the lucky girl, Fabian?" Sirius asked, curiously, "Do tell!"
"You all know Ludo Bagman?" Fabian asked, still sickeningly proud.
"You're dating Ludo Bagman?" James cried out, "Ludo Bagman is the lucky girl?"
"What?! No!" Fabian's voice changed immediatly into one of annoyance and disgust, "I'm dating his little sister, Lucie, you git!"
"And Lucie is okay that you're also dating her brother?" Sirius asked seriously.
"I'm not dating Ludo Bagman!" He shouted, sounding highly irritable.
"You're dating Ludo Bagman?" Lucius sneered, turning around to face the Gryffindors, "I thought Ludo would have had better taste than the likes of you, best of luck though..."
"Oh shut up, the lot of you!" Fabian turned back to watering the venemous tectaculas and the green houses grew quiet once more. Perhaps 30 minutes passed without incident, with the Gryffindors merrily discussing the quiddich match where James had caught the snitch right under Lucius's nose, and the Slytherins whispering brightly about how well operation FTF had come to fruition.
"Meeting tomorrow night," Lucius reminded us happily as we began watering hellebore plants, "Its going to be an important one too, we have a lot on our plate to discuss as of late."
"The Carrows want to come too, Lucius," Dolohov informed him, as he tapped his watering can with his wand to refill it and returned to the plants before him, "Amycus and Alecto, they heard Muliciber bragging in the common room and decided they want in."
"Alecto?" I snapped before Lucius could start to reply, "That 5th year girl?"
"Yeah, Alecto Carrow." Dolohov replied absentmindedly, "Why?"
"She's fat!" I hissed, angrily, "What use do we have with a fat Death Eater?"
"She can eat a lot of death?" Severus offered earning sniggers from Lucius and Dolohov.
"Besides, Crabbe and Goyle are huge and we tolerate them okay," Lucius reminded me, shrugging, "What is with the sudden vendetta against fat people, Bella?"
"Not all fat people, just her," I scowled, "She's annoying too. Can't we just let Amycus in? He seems all right, and he's of normal weight."
"I see what's going on here," Lucius drawled, slightly amused, "You want to be the only girl, don't you?"
"Well, okay- YES!" I glared defiantly at him, as he set down his watering can to regard me with open amusement as I continued on, "I want to be the only girl, I like it that way and I was here first. Besides, she IS fat and annoying, just tell her we only want Amycus!"
"It wouldn't kill you to make a few friends who are other girls, you know," He smiled, shaking his head in amused disbelief.
"I have Carla!" I replied, angrily.
"That's one, Bella, all your other friends are blokes," Lucius sighed, still smiling, "Give her a chance, we need all the members we can get. You're still special, of course, you're the only good looking girl in the group, so cheer up. We're not in the position to be turning away members, especially seeing as we do have Crabbe and Goyle and they're not half as bright as the Carrows."
"The Carrows are not the sharpest unicorn horns in the heard either, though," Dolohov chuckled, "But they're infintely more talented than those Crabbe and Goyle brutes. Lighten up Bella, Alecto is no competetion."
"I didn't mean- Its not that, I mean... I just like how it is now!" I stammered, irritably, "Don't go messing with a potion that isn't congealing, you know, we should just keep things the way they are..."
"Progress, Bella," Lucius said in an infuriatingly superior voice, "Is a huge component to the DEY, and I'm not letting you stand in the way of progress because you like being the only girl. I'm sorry, I love you, but BOTH the Carrows are welcome."
"FINE!" I slammed my watering can down, glaring at the three boys and stormed on to water the next row os plants, ignoring them entirely. The Gryffindors who had stopped their conversation and turned around surprised at my outburst began snickering from across the greenhouses, their smiles slightly malicious for boys who claimed to be "noble" as they regarded the four of us with obvious amusement.
"Rowing again?" Fabian jeered, setting down his own watering can in favor of starting a fight.
"Mind your business, Prewett," Lucius replied coldly, "Because I dare say, you haven't been paying your own personal affairs enough attention... you're missing things, things even we know about."
"Things like, WHAT, Malfoy?" Fabian snapped, his voice betraying no emotion but his eyes widening slightly in alarm, "What are you babbling about?"
"I am not at liberty to say," Lucius continued, that superior note in his tone again, "You'll see eventually, and then we'll see who feels like a fool."
"It won't be me!" He snarled.
"I have to correct you, there, Prewett," Severus laughed, "I just hope I'm there when you find out, it'll be a brillant moment, it will."
"FIND OUT WHAT?" Fabian demanded, furiously now.
"Don't get your robes in a bunch, Prewett," I smiled sweetly, "We promise, you'll find out soon enough. Now get back to watering like a good little Gryffindor, its not noble to be yelling like a madman instead of doing your work, dear."
"I swear to Merlin, Bellatrix Black, I will be the one to drag you into Azkaban," He said darkly, "And I'll be the one to sentence you there for life, and you'll rue the day you ever crossed me, you bitch."
"You heard, Bella, get back to work, Prewett," Lucius ordered, turning back to his own watering can.
"I oughta-" Fabian had grabbed his wand and began to raise it, but Ted and Sirius had grabbed his wand arm and lowered it forcefully.
"Come on, mate," Sirius said consolingly, "Let it go, they're not worth it. Just wait until they're rotting in Azkaban, don't get yourself into trouble on their account."
"Whatever," Fabian said, pocketing his wand and detention ended 45 minutes later, without further arguements. As we left the greenhouse into the air that promised a morning coated in frost, I was still seething about Alecto Carrow and shooting both Gryffindors and fellow Slytherins alike cold glares. They were all scum to me as we quickened our pace towards the doors under the attack of the bitter wind. I made up my mind then, that if Lucius wasn't going to prevent Alecto from joining, I would take it into my own hands to prevent her from staying. And I would do it in my own way, and she would regret the moment she ever asked Dolohov to join.
I did not linger in the common room that night, but raced immediatly up to my dorm, and was relieved to see Carla laying in bed, lazily flipping through her charms book. She looked up when she saw I entered, and she along with Rozelle and Jessie who were changing into their pajamas, greeted me brightly, asking how detention had been that evening.
"It was awful, as always," I replied quickly, and moved on, "Do you know Alecto Carrow, Car?"
"A bit," she replied, yawning, and closing her charms textbook, giving it up as a bad job, "She's a 5th year, and a bit chubby. I suggested a weight loss potion once and she chased me out of the common room, brandishing her wand like a common mudblood shouting some threats, and I haven't talked to her since. Why do you ask?"
"She's trying to join the secret group I'm in," I confessed, sitting on the edge of her bed, and scowling at the floor as though it personally was responisble for Alecto's desire to join, "I don't want her there, she seems annoying, and she's fat... and well, I rather liked being the only girl and now she's intruding on my territory. I want to make her quit, seeing as Lucius refuses to turn anyone away from membership."
"Just be yourself, Bella," Carla laughed, "I mean, just say whatever's on your mind disregarding her feelings entirely and I'm sure she'll run out of the first meeting in tears, too afriad to come back... Also, offering her weight loss potions seems to illicit an unpleasant reaction!"
"What if all that doesn't work?" I pouted, looking up at Carla who appeared to be deep in thought, "I couldn't hurt her... could I?"
"Don't attack your own side of the fight, Bella!" Carla chuckled again, "Just see how that works out, and then follow your instincts, you certainly don't need advice on how to hurt people from what I've seen. I would hate to be on your bad side, Bella, I think I'd just leave the country."
"That's the reputation I want among my friends," I laughed as well, and stood up from the bed stretching widely, "But yeah, thanks. I like the weight loss potion idea."
"Anytime, of course," Carla promised, grinning, "Sweet dreams now, Bella."
And soon all the lights were extinguished and I snuggled into my covers, retrieving my wand, quill, ink, and diary and detailing the events of this evening to you, dear diary. Now I must retire to sleep, for tomorrow's DEY meeting is due to be one of importance, and I need my rest. As Carla said, sweet dreams.
Love,
Bella
November 22nd
Dear Diary,
Yesterday, the Saturday leading up to the DEY meeting that night was relatively uneventful. Lucius, Lestrange, Avery, Mulciber, Severus and I ate breakfast and then we settled down at the quiddich pitch watching Lucius's practice until lunch. I was careful to sit beside Lestrange and not Lucius at both meals, as is the new fashion incase Gideon happens to be around. We passed the afternoon beside the fireplace in the common room, half-heartedly working on essays, though our feeble efforts were often interupted by conversation that perked up every few minutes. It was no surprise, therefore, that I had barely finished half of my potions essay on moonstones. Dinner was an expidiated affair, for we were all anxious for the meeting to begin.
And begin it did, at 8pm sharp in the usual dungeon classroom.
"Welcome everyone, to the weekly Death Eater Youth meeting," Lucius began. As always, the two of us sat on the old desk, looking out at the crowd who sat restlessly, watching us with searching, excited, eyes. To my displeasure I noticed Alecto Carrow in the back row, beside Amycus and Avery, and her eager expression making me feel positively nausous. As though reading my mind, Lucius continued onward, "And I would like to thank our new members, the Carrows, for coming to our meeting today, its a pleasure to have new faces join us. Now, operation FTF has been a booming success: Little Molly Prewett looks over her shoulder every five minutes, and Gideon is falling madly inlove with Bella, or at least fancies her enough to try and put his greedy hands in places he shouldn't on their bi-weekly rendez vous. Now, I think the time is ripe for some action, to reach the climax of operation FTF that has been buiding for weeks now."
"Here, Here!" Lestrange cheered, "Let's catch this snitch and win this game!"
This was met by a round of feverent agreement and applause, which died down before Lucuis spoke again, "Good, I'm glad we all seem to be on the right page. I think its time to give Molly the never-ending laughing potion, don't you, Roddy?"
"I've been ready since we bought it, was only waiting for you to give me the green light, boss," Lestrange beamed, "When shall I put this plan into action?"
"Dinner, Thursday night." Lucius's eyes shone in anticipation, "We want the entirety of the Great Hall to see it."
"It says it wears off after 10 minutes of straight laughing, just enough to nearly suffocate the blood traitoring brat," Roddy informed the room, his smile more pronounced than ever, "I was thinking, as previously planned, the note would say something along the lines of 'Next time you almost die, there will be no 'almost' and no laughing', just to really freak her out, ya dig?"
"Yeah, perfect," Lucius ploughed on, "And later that night, while Fabian's already in a tizzy, we'll have him walk in on Bella and Gideon. She already set up a date for them that night, they'll be in the secret passage to the kitchens, near the Hufflepuff common room, snogging each other's brains out when Fabian will walk in on them, and he and Gideon will have a huge row about Bella, because poor Gideon is convinced she's a brave woman who is highly opposed to the Dark Arts and wants nothing more than to run away from Slytherin, become a Gryffindor and become a filthy blood traitor herself."
"He must not be very bright then," Severus snickered, along with several others.
"He got 10 OWLS, Sev," Lestrange stated quickly, "He's just a typical Gryffindor, trusting, loyal, noble enough to help a damsel in distress, depsite her reputation."
"Yes, now the next morning at breakfast, Fabian gets a letter saying 'I love Bella, you are no longer my brother- Fabian' and they row, maybe curse each other, and then Fabian is bound to turn on us... He'll look crazy, and know we've gotten to him. And as for us? Well, it'll be a misson complete, and a huge success." Lucius finished, smugly.
"Detention with him next Friday after that is going to be quite a treat," Severus sneered sarcastically, "He's going to try and curse our heads off, especially Bella's. We're going to have to be on our guard a bit more after the plan goes through. I know he's a Gryffindor, but he has quite a nasty temper."
"I'm not afriad of Fabian Prewett," Lucius laughed coldly, "He's nothing, we've proven he's weak and he will be completely wrecked after operation FTF, he will be a mess."
"He'll be reckless," Severus said softly, but firmly, "And reckless men do reckless things."
"We'll procede with caution, Sev," Lucius said curtly, "But whatever he does in a reckless state of mind will only damage his reputation as the golden boy, and one angry Gryffindor is hardly a threat for the Death Eater Youth. I'll just keep an eye out on Bella-"
"No one needs to keep an eye on me, Lucius," I corrected him defiantly, "I can take care of myself. I'm not scared of little Fabian Prewett, I'd love the chance to curse him into oblivion, so let him try to duel me. I'd honestly love to see him try."
"You're mad," Lucius chuckled, and I noted several faces smile and nod in agreement, "But all right, I certainly won't get in your way, and I pity the fool who would dare attempt such a feit."
"Good," I snapped, stubbornly, still glaring at him.
"Now, I was thinking that after operation FTF we don't have anything planned, so for our next order of business we must discuss who are next target should be," Lucius said, ignoring my glares, "I now open the floor up to discussion, please everyone, share any ideas."
"Potter or Black," Severus suggested darkly, "We cannot ignore the blood traitors Potter and Black."
"Severus, please leave your own personal vendettas at home," Lucius sighed with annoyance, "They are rather irrelevant. Frustrating blood traitoring gits? Yes. But threats? Certainly not. We already got Potter's broomstick, anyway."
"You do not know Potter and Black as I do," Severus stated angrily, "I am not merely suggesting them because of personal reasons, they are going to join Dumbledore and fight the moment they're out of school! And if we're finished with Potter for now, why not Sirius Black? He has not been touched by our group, and he thinks himself invincible, and we should correct that misconception."
"Sirius wouldn't dare fight against the Dark Lord, against his own family!" I growled, but knew that Severus was right, "But.. maybe we should go after Sirius Black. Who better than he? He is the epitome of a blood traitor, is he not?"
"Bella speaks sense for a change," Severus nodded immedialy, "Why do you object to Black?"
"Fine, if no one can come up with a better idea..." Lucius looked around the room hesitantly, waiting for more offers, but when none came, he spoke again, "Then we have our newest target- Sirius Black. We are dismissed for now. Good luck on the events of this week, and I'll see you all next Saturday with ideas about Sirius Black! Leave in fours in 3 miute intervals, and can the Carrows join me at the desk for a quick word?"
The room began to disperse, and the two Carrows slide their way along to desks to join Lucius and I at the desk, where Lestrange, Dolohov, and Severus lingered as well, lounging carelessly atop the ancient wooden desks with Lucius and I. The two Carrows mere existance irked me something forceful. Alecto was short and overweight, though not in an unhealthy way. She looked strong for a girl of 15 and had a very round face with small features, except for rather wide muddy brown eyes. Her brother, Amycus was a 7th year like Lucius and Gideon. He was a little below average height as well, and less muscular than his younger sister, with very sallow skin that reminded me, cringingly of Severus. He shared his sisters eyes, though had a broader nose and a higher defined mouth. They both looked brimming with eagerness, they had a sycophantic gleam in their mud colored eyes that inflicted me with the desire to curse them both out of the dungeon. I merely glared at them, however, heading Carla's advice about not attacking those on my own side.
"Hello, Malfoy." Amycus said brightly, "Its been a great meeting, mate! I truly appreciate the work you have all been doing here, its such a relief to know others see things the way Alecto and I do."
"Indeed, its always a comfort to know there are more purebloods who understand the ways of the Dark Lord," Lucius agreed, "Now you must swear to keep everything in this group secret. It is of highest importance that we operate with confidentiality. I need you to sign this enchanted parchment, and if you betray us to the enemy, you will be cursed most unpleasantly."
"Give it here, old chap," Amycus grinned, and signed immediatly, passing it to Alecto who did the same. "Now, I intend on keeping my promise, but what happens to any poor soul who betrays the great Death Eater Youth?"
"They will be cursed into silence," Lucius's lip curled, "That is to say, they will lose there voice for about 3 months. It seemed fitting, because the second they reveal one secret they will be rendered incapable of speech to reveal anymore. I owe the credit of this brillant idea to Severus, and we've all signed it."
"Smashing idea, Severus Snape," Amycus complimented, inclining his head in Severus' direction, "I am pleased to be in colaboration with such bright minds!"
"It is a pleasure, indeed," Alecto said in a deep voice, speaking at last.
"Thank you both, truly," Lucius bowed his head ever so slightly, his voice lacking in sincerety as he turned me, smiling slightly in a cold fashion, "Bella, have you met Alecto? You two should be great friends, as you are the only two girls to join up thus far."
"Hi," Alecto greeted me, attempting a small smile that turned into a look of anxiety upon the glare I sent her in return, "Its, uhm, great to be introduced, I've heard a lot about you..."
"What have you heard?" I asked, crossly, folding my arms over my chest, my glare never faltering.
"Just that you're very brave, you know, a really good addition to this group..." She trailed off as I snorted impatiently.
"Thanks, I wish I could return the compliment, but the only thing I've heard about you is that you were rude to my friend Carla Dolohov when she offered you a weight loss potion, which I must admit you could do with..."
"Excuse me?" Her large eyes narrowed angrily, "I also heard you were a bitch, and I guess that was an accurate desciption."
"Trust me, love," I grinned maliciously, "I know that, and I'd rather be a bitch than be fat."
And with those final words, she stormed from the dungeon, biting back furious tears.
"You're supposed to leave in a group of four!" I called after her, giggling to myself.
"Well, I have never seen someone so rude!" Amycus stated harshly and turned around immediatly, following after his livid sister, and disappearing from the dungeon in her wake.
"That was un-called for, Bella," Lucius glared repprovingly, "It was unnecessary, rude, cruel, and it reflects poorly on the entire DEY! Can't you even feign a semblance of maturity every once in a while? I mean, calling her fat? We WANT new members, Bella! The Dark Lord, WANTS new members!"
"Not members like that, surely!" I scowled with disgust, "They're pathetic! What use could they possibly be for anyone?"
"We don't know yet, because they've only been to one meeting and you made one of them cry!" Lucius retorted, looking positively irate.
"Well, if she's weak enough to cry over a couple rude comments, she certainly isn't strong enough to be in this group, or in the service of the Dark Lord!" I yelled, rolling my eyes in exasperation.
"Merlin's beard, Bella," Lucius shook his head, not even looking in my direction any longer, "You're not even sorry, are you?"
"Of course not!" I laughed in disgust, "I have nothing to apologize for!"
"You're not a nice person, Bella," Lestrange chuckled quietly.
"So what?" I rounded on him, my eyes glinting with anger, "Who out of us is a 'nice' person? Who wants to be nice, anyway, when there are so many BETTER THINGS you could be? Its mad to strive to be 'nice' when you can be strong, respected, powerful, rich, pure, important... 'Nice' is pathetic!"
"You're mad," Lestrange chuckled still, "But you do have a point."
"I don't care if she has a bloody point!" Lucius cried, pounding his first on the desk, sending stray dust into the dingy dungeon air, "Bella, you have to control your ruddy temper and stop being a bitch to people on OUR side! Save it for the blood traitors!"
"You cannot order me around, Lucius," I jumped off the desk, refusing to look back at him as a I strode quickly to the dungeon door, "I am not your bloody house elf, and I do no have to do anything you tell me to! Save it for spineless, brainless gits like the Carrows!"
"You're supposed to leave in groups of four!" Roddy called back, teasing me lightly, which I ignored, gritting my teeth as I flung the door open and entered the desserted corridor. I leaned against the wall for a moment, fuming, and closing my eyes against the dim torch light, breathing heavily as though I'd just run a mile. Seconds later, before I had fully composed myself, Roddy pushed the door open.
"Hey, Bella," He greeted me, smiling in a fiendly manner, "I thought I'd have to run to catch up with you, I'm pleased you paused to take a breather."
"What do you want, Lestrange?" I demanded, bluntly.
"Nothing, just thought you might fancy a walk and sometime to vent to." He grinned at me, and took my hand in his. I pulled it away from his warm grasp immediatly, shocked, staring at him with an expression of disbelief, "Aw come on, Bella. You can squeeze it as hard as you like, pretend its Alecto Carrow."
"Fine," I agreed, accepting his outstretched palm, "But I'm squeezing hard, in fact I may break some fingers."
"Thats fine by me, Bella," Lestrange smiled merrily as we began walking together, hand in hand, down the empty hallway, "Whatever makes you feel better."
We passed along the torch lit stone passage ways in the depths of the castle for several minutes in silence. I squeezed his hand viciously and yet, he did not flinch. I felt my respect for him grow slightly, though he glanced at me every few moments, a curious smile on his soft lips as he regarded me from the corner of his gentle blue eyes.
"Why did you want to accompany me on a walk, Lestrange?" I asked, softly curious as we passed a smaller, darker, empty stretch of hallway.
"Please Bella, do call me Roddy," He insisted brightly, as we walked at a slow, leisurely pace, "And I wanted to make sure you didn't cause a scene, you know? No one wants you finding Alecto in the common room and force feeding her a weight loss draught, not that it wouldn't do her some good, but..."
I laughed, warming despite the chill in the underground hallway. I stopped and sat, collapsing from slight exhuastion on the cold stone floor. Roddy followed suit, sliding into seat beside me, squinting at me in the dim light, as the torches here seemed to burn very low. Everything had a green hue to it, as the flames in these torches burned strangly green, and if I was not with Roddy Lestrange, I registered that I may have felt some sense of fear, but I felt entirely at ease.
"I don't think you came to find me because you were worried I'd attack the Carrows." I mused thoughtfully, staring at him in the green lighting, watching the corners of his mouth twitch.
"That's the reason I told Lucius," He chortled almost inaudibly.
"But not the real reason you were coming to see me?" I asked, searching his smooth handsome face.
"What do you think, Bella?" He was grinning now, and looking over at me expectantly. I chose not to reply, but to look away from him, to look into the dancing low green flame of the torch flickering on the opposite side of the wall. I wondered how many other people talked in quiet voices in this dungeon corrider, watching the green lit sparkle and flicker, dance and threaten to burn out. I wondered how many of those people were Slytherins, how many were girls, how many were confused. I felt myself grow slightly ill, and wondered how long we were going to sit there. It was so deep underground, I was certain, that no time was passing. It would have been impossible to disconcern, had we not already known, whether it was night or day. It was always green here, simply green, this corridor reflected passage of time.
"This is a strange corner of Hogwarts we've found ourselves in," I remarked after a minute or two, daring to glance at him again, to see that he too was fixated on the fire of the torch.
"Isn't it?" He agreed thoughtfully, "I like this fire, I can't look away."
"It could be dangerous," I said, mostly to myself, though I was still enchanted with its strange beauty.
"Some of the most beautiful things often are," He smiled slightly, and turned to look into my eyes, that stared back though caught off their guard, "Like roses, or unicorns, or love, or... well, like you, Bellatrix Black."
"Call me Bella, everyone calls me Bella..."
Our eyes were locked in intensity, it was a deeper connection that I ever shared with Lucius, for we could communicate without speaking, we were one and the same as long as our eyes met. We drew closer to each other, shadows playing across our faces from the torch light, his smooth white skin glowing slightly green. His blue eyes looked deeper, shadows flicking across them like waves in the ocean. We were very close now...
"When are you breaking up with Lucius for me?" He asked, the second before our lips touched.
"Pardon?" I jumped up, hitting the back of my head against the hard stone wall in surprise, "Pardon me, Lestrange, but what delusion are you laboring under? Break up with Lucius? Are you bloody mad? Lucius and I are, we're... well, you know, we're inlove."
"Inlove?" Roddy barked a bitter laugh, "Inlove? You can barely say it, nevermind feel it! You're inlove with me and you know it, Bella, you know it! You were about to kiss me, if I hadn't royally blown my chance like the idiot I am. But even you must admit-"
"I admit NOTHING!" I shouted, scowling darkly, "We were NOT about to kiss, I don't know what confundus charm you're under..."
"Fine," Roddy laughed sincerely, "You can pretend, but its only a matter of time. Its only a matter of the number of orders he demands of you, the number of lectures he gives, the number of stupid mistakes he makes before he looses you, the best catch an aspiring Death Eater could get. And I, of course, will be there the moment you finally walk away from the self righteous git into my open arms."
"You're his best friend, what do you think you're doing, trying to steal his girlfriend?" I asked, shocked and incense by his audacity.
"I am most certainly not his best friend, Bella," He corrected me, smiling bitterly, "I take offense to that, I find him nearly intolerable. I mean, does he ever have a laugh? You need a man who isn't going to take everything so seriously! You need someone who can handle your, uhm, ways... You need me, basically. I'm the best catch an aspiring Death Eateress can get."
"How long have you been after me?" I asked curiously as he too, got to his feet, yawning slightly and stretching out his hand, motioning for me to take it into my own once more, "How long, Roddy?"
"Since I saw you for the first time... Back in the first year..." He laughed in an embarrassed fashion as I accepted his hand and we set off towards the common room together. He paused slightly before speaking again, "The sorting hat called 'Bellatrix Black' and I looked up from my spot in the queue at this little girl with the most shockingly determined and almost defiant look of pride on her cute little face. You wore an expression much too old for your age, and you walked with a grace that is most surprisingly in an 11 year old. You sat on the stool in a rigid fashion and almost instantly the name 'Slytherin' rang out in the Great Hall and I knew, of course, that would be my fate as well so I cannot even tell you how relieved I was. Not that I took you for a silly Hufflepuff, or blood traitoring Gryffindor, but Ravenclaw wouldn't have surprised me then, you had the air of intelligence, you see."
"How do you remember all this?" I stared at him, my mouth falling slightly open.
"Because it was important to me." He explained, and it may have been a trick of the green light, but i could have sworn I saw a slight flush appear on his cheeks, "I wondered, vaugely, all these years when you would finally take notice of me for being more than a friend of Malfoy's. I wondered how I might win your affection, how I might finally kiss you, or explain how I've always felt. I used to write you letters in the summers. I threw them away of course, never dreaming you would care to hear from me, but when I found out Rabastan was a Death Eater, you were the first person I wanted to tell. There's just been so much I've wanted to confide in you. And I've always known you would be mine, somehow, someday, we would be together. It was something I've never been uncertain of, even when you wouldn't even look at me in the hallways, when you didnt bother to say hello when I entered a room, I knew one day you'd be mine."
"How on earth would you ever know that so certainly?" I frowned, though my heart was racing with something undefinable...
"I just knew," He said unhelpfully, "It was just one of those things, Bella, like how from the moment you heard about the Dark Lord you knew you would serve him? From the moment I laid these eyes on you, I knew I'd be your husband."
"Husband?" I exclaimed, taken aback, "Aren't you getting a little ahead of things now?"
"No, Bella," He said smugly, lowering his voice as we drew closer to the common room, "You're just a little behind things."
I was too stunned to speak again, though I felt a pang of reluctance as we entered the common room and our hands broke apart. We left without a word to our seperate dormitories, and I threw myself onto my bed, clutching my pillow and biting my lip, feeling quite queasy and uncertain. I shook my head, trying to shake out all the feelings racing through my veins, but to no avail.
It is Sunday morning now, and dawn is slowly breaking. The ground is coated in a sharp icy frost, that shines like diamonds in the rising sun, and my heart beat is much to quick, it is a pace I can do nothing to slow, and it is preventing me from falling back into a restful sleep. I have never liked Sunday mornings, it is a time when you know the weekend is drawing to a close, a time when reality and responsibility remind you of your duties to school, a time when everything seems so still, so calm. I know the rest of the dorm will be waking soon, there yawns and sleepy hellos will break this cold silence, and I will tuck you neatly under my pillow and face the day.
I watch Carla, the bed next to my own, as she sleeps, her chest rising and falling rythemically in her peaceful slumber. She looks like my own reflection, with deliberate imperfections. Her nose is more rounded, her face is sharper, and her eyes are hazel and slightly bulging, but like myself she is fair with black hair, and often wears a sneer of indifference or contempt. I like to think, that if she was a bit stronger she would be my counterpart, and if I was bit weaker, I would be hers. I'd like to hope she grows stronger, but I know she will not, she has already chosen her path.
and I have chosen mine.
I can hear Rozelle beginning to stir now, so I must hide you away. You are my thoughts, my heart, my soul, and I must hide you for all of the innerworkings of my mind and spirit are to remain a secret from the world, for they could be my undoing. I love you diary, for you are the written extension of myself... and I do love myself.
Love,
Bella.