CHAPTER 10 : ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL

By the following evening, when Merlin saw Arthur, he could tell that a day's hunting had been good for him. He'd had his meeting with the Earl and supper was next on his agenda. Wuldric would come to help him dress for supper and escort him to the earl's private chambers for a meal with the earl and his advisors. Arthur expected to receive the missives for Uther after the meal. The plan was for them to leave early the following morning.

Arthur sat on the high backed bench in front of the fire. Merlin got them goblets of wine and they sat relaxing. They had some time before he had to get dressed, so Merlin brought him up to date on his day. He said that he had thoroughly enjoyed the change of pace. Arthur was pleased but had really missed his being by his side.

"Strange as it may seem, Merlin, I missed having you at my shoulder all day. I turned a couple of times to speak to you and you weren't there."

"Well, actually, Arthur, I didn't miss you one bit..." Merlin grinned, "... except for this."

"Merlin, "Not now..."

"Arthur, life is so short as Gaius always says, 'When the sun shines make potions'!"

"You're making that up, Gaius never said such a thing."

"But he could have, Arthur. Well, it was something like that ..."

Having wedged Arthur, between the back and the side of the high backed bench, he showed him that life might be short but it could be sweet.

They relaxed, cuddling against each other until Wuldric knocked on the door and Merlin went over to let him in and then went into the antechamber. Wuldric assisted Arthur to dress, then escorted him to the Earl's chambers and Merlin tagged along as Wuldric and he were off to the servants' hall after that.

The door was opened and Arthur walked in but after a few words turned and called to Merlin that the Earl would like to see him. Merlin's heart dropped.

He took a step inside the chamber and stood there waiting for the axe to fall.

The elderly man seated at the table smiled and said, "So, you're the young man who will be accompanying our Crown Prince home. Your King must have great confidence in you, to allow the two of you to come all the way here without accompanying knights.

Merlin said, "Thank you, my lord." He bowed and left the chamber, glancing at Arthur who was beaming that Merlin's worth had not only been realised but received recognition.

Uldric said, "For one so young, you've come a long way. It's been a pleasure knowing you, Merlin."

"Thank you, Uldric, it's a job to be done but Arthur is a great master." Merlin thought, '... and not a bad lover either!'

The rest of the evening flew by and Wuldric had soon left Arthur in Merlin's care.

Arthur said, "That was very kind of the Earl to recognise your worth."

"He doesn't know the half of it, does he Arthur?"

Arthur propped himself on his elbow, looked down at Merlin saying, "No, he doesn't...and... Merlin, I wonder sometimes if I show sufficiently how much I value you."

"You could always talk your father into making me a knight." He mumbled under his breath.

"As if that will ever happen, you'd have the kingdom on its knees in days."

"Not, if I had help, Arthur."

"And who, pray tell would help you?"

Trying to be serious but preparing to evade any physical retribution, Merlin piped up, "Gawaine might!"

Later on, Merlin realised that Arthur was quite able to give any help that he might need. Anyway, he didn't want to be a knight. As it was, he was already living a double life.

Dawn came so fast and before they knew it, they were reunited with Gidun and Conker and leaving the castle, Arthur carrying the all important papers, strapped to his chest under his tunic. The plan was to ride as far as possible each day, finding accommodation by dusk. If necessary they would sleep rough, not their first choice but it wasn't as if they hadn't done it before.

Merlin reminded him that they would have to pick up Billy on their way and hopefully there would be no knights to contend with.

They kept up a steady pace, the track was soft after last night's rain so they were able to canter for long stretches. Finally they recognized the farm where Billy was. Arthur paid for Billy's stay and the farmer's wife insisted giving them fresh food for when they stopped for lunch. Merlin gave her a present of some ribbon whether she would keep it or sell it would depend on her husband. Farming was a difficult life and every little bit counted. He sort of hoped, she'd have a chance to wear it in her hair. Billy was obviously not only better but frisky and he had no trouble keeping up with the other two horses.

Soon they had reached the area where they had been stopped by the knights but today, everything was clear.

Every now and again, they met farmers with livestock and other travelers with wagons but never overtook anyone going in their direction.

When the horses began to lag, Merlin insisted that they take a break for lunch and give the horses a rest.

"Gidun is tired, he's not used to carrying such a heavyweight as you, Arthur."

They pulled off the track when it next widened as there was a stream. It was good place to have lunch. Merlin let the horses drink then tied them to some trees. The horses stood there, heads lowered, dozing, alternating their weight from one leg to the other.

Arthur couldn't figure how far they were from the last inn in which they had stayed. But Merlin reminded him that they hadn't yet come to where he had first experienced a career in sales "That was fun, Arthur, I might like to do that again."

"Well," Arthur reminded him, "You'd had previous experience as you sold yourself to me, hook line and sinker."

Merlin retorted, "Arthur, it was harder to sell ribbons and lace than it was to make you fall for me. I just had to wink and you were putty in my hands. All mine!"

Sure enough, they came to the little village and a few of the woman seeing them, waved and called and Merlin, immediately was his charming self waving back. He glanced at Arthur whose face told him that he was not impressed.

"Worried about a little competition Arthur? Don't think you'll be able to keep me for yourself?"

Arthur laughed, "Merlin, if you feel about me, the way I think you do. I doubt that I need to worry. Do I?"

"Maybe not but I would hate to think that our love would become old hat and that I might have to spice it up with a certain knight, you and I know."

Merlin put his heels into Conker taking off down the track followed by Billy. Gidun not wanted to be left behind soon caught up to them.

Arthur smiled at him, "As if, Merlin, that would ever be necessary!" Arthur knew deep down, that his love for Merlin was solid. He also knew that Merlin realised the depth of this love, thus allowing him to feel at ease making such statements.

They rode on, passing the inn where they had stayed. They were eager to get home, every now and again discussing the happenings over the last six days. Arthur in his mind recalled his stupidity and Merlin's absolute kindness in apologising first. He also vowed that their last night of this mission, which would be spent in Cave Two would not be fraught with any negativity.

Merlin was thinking of his return to Camelot and his need to really push forward with his plan to make living there, more enjoyable for both of them.

It was almost dark and they spied an inn, Merlin went in to find out if there were any vacancies. "Sorry, no rooms, nor any beds available in the common rooms either."

"Is there anywhere else nearby? We only really need it for one night and will be on our way early tomorrow shortly after dawn. With the look of the sky, there'll be a storm and I'd rather not sleep rough."

The man hummed and hawed and then finally said, "There's a farm a way down the road near the river. I know that the farmer has an empty stable so you could ask there. Tell him Jurad sent you."

Merlin returned to Arthur. "The good news is that we won't be camping outside as the landlord said we could maybe stay at the farm further on."

The farmer changed his mind, when he saw the colour of the coin. He told them they'd be welcome to stay and that his wife could cook something for them if they didn't mind having farm fare. They accepted willingly.

The stable was dry and the rain started as Merlin got the horses settled. They explored the place and found an area deep in fresh hay. It would be warm and soft. Arthur made a bowl shaped hollow and laid their bedrolls in it. Someone called out and a young boy brought two trenchers of steaming stew and some bread and the stub of a candle. He told them that there was a pump in the yard if they were thirsty. They heard his father calling and he skedaddled off.

They sat side by side on rickety stools and ate the meal, listening to the beginnings of the storm. Merlin smiled at Arthur, "Rain!"

"You and your rain, Merlin." He took the trencher from Merlin's hand and led him to the bedrolls.

The storm intensified, at one point Merlin woke and knew that he was being watched. He glanced down at Arthur who was fast asleep curled against him. He stayed still and as his eyes grew accustomed to the dark, he spied a big orange cat, sitting watching them. 'Well,' he thought, 'that should keep the rats away.' And fell asleep.

The sun finally came over the horizon. Merlin laughed remembered Tosh's question as to how they woke up on time. Arthur and he never seemed to have any trouble waking up.

The same young boy brought them some gruel and once their horses were saddled, Merlin took the time to walk back to the cottage to give the farmer's wife one of the last pieces of ribbon.

Again they made exceptional time, the roads were good and not busy. Today, they would spend the night in Uther's kingdom if all went according to plan. But nothing ever does and as they went through a very dark wood, the hair on Merlin's neck stood on end and an arrow whistled by him hitting Billy who took off.

Arthur and he took off after him figuring that the assailants were probably on foot. They had kept going until they heard a scream, Merlin knew it was Billy. They turned the corner and Billy was halfway off the track. Merlin was off Conker and beside him in no time. He saw the arrow in his shoulder and was about to turn to Arthur asking him for help in removing it when he realised that Billy's left fore leg was broken. Darkness descended for Merlin as he knew, what had to happen. He hated hunting, he hated killing but now he was going to have to accept it as the last gift that he could give the little packhorse.

He turned to Arthur tears streaming down his face. He knew he couldn't do it. He trusted that Arthur could and would make a clean job of it. He turned to Billy, talking to him as he removed his tack. He moved him until with a grunt he fell over, Merlin sat on his neck pinning him down, talking quietly, telling him what a wonderful little horse he was and soon he would be cantering away. Arthur came up beside him and said, "Merlin, please don't look." Merlin closed his eyes.

Arthur took his hunting knife and slipped it into the jugular of the little horse. Billy thrashed, his lungs heaving a couple of times, his legs jerked, then his breathing became laboured and finally he tensed then fell silent.

Bending over, Arthur pulled Merlin up onto his feet; he put his arms around his shoulders holding him tightly. They stood there saying nothing. Merlin was overcome with the reality of what had just happened. He held him for the longest time and then murmured, "You're too soft hearted for this cruel world, and I love you, Merlin, all the more because of it." Merlin said something but Arthur couldn't make it out as he had his head in Arthur's neck and he was sniffing at the same time.

Arthur wanted to smile as his neck was wet with tears and Merlin's eyelashes tickled. With whom else in the world would he stand, hugging in the middle of the road? At this point, he didn't care if Uther and all the knights of Camelot were to come around the corner, he knew that he would not have let Merlin go.

It was strange, as he felt as if he were benefiting from the hugging. As if Merlin was giving him comfort and then he realised that he was conscious of Merlin's complete trust in him and he was momentarily scared at the prospect of such a responsibility.

Arthur eventually pulled back to look at him and wiped the tears on his friend's face with his sleeve. Merlin wiped his nose on his own sleeve and looked sheepishly at Arthur. "Come on, Merlin," he said softly and led him back to the other horses who were getting a bit antsy because of the smell of the blood. Arthur tied the extra tack on Gidun, insisting that Merlin climb up on him and that he would take the chestnut. He was sure that Gidun would pick up on Merlin's mood and look after him. Merlin was slumped over and Arthur saw him take one more look at Billy before they turned the corner.

The rest of the ride was very sober. Gidun receiving no instructions from Merlin, did pick up on his state of mind and kept twitching his ears back. He moved over closer to Conker and followed Arthur without hesitation. Arthur realised that their hope of getting a good day's ride in was hopeless. Finally he got the horses to trot and Merlin never raised his eyes from Gidun's mane trusting his horse to look after him.

They came to a market town and Arthur got some apples, a half loaf of bread and some cider. They kept riding until they came to a stream and a meadow and took a break for lunch. Merlin had not spoken since telling Billy that he would soon be cantering away.

Arthur was a little worried, he took over the job of getting something down Merlin. He took a mug and poured some cider into it, he broke up some bread, dipped it in the cider and handed it to Merlin, saying, "Eat!"

Merlin took the soaked bread and had to be prompted to put it in his mouth. When he had eaten a fair share and finished his cider. Arthur quickly ate his portion. He offered him an apple which he'd cut in half and he took it but made no move to eat it.

Arthur knew that they needed to get back on the road. He told him to get up as they needed to be going. Merlin walked to Gidun handed him his half of the apple and put his arms around his neck, burying his face in his mane. Then he mounted and they were on their way again.

They must have ridden in silence for another hour but Merlin's head was up and he seemed conscious of riding. He suddenly turned to Arthur and said just one level above a whisper. "Arthur, as I sat on the track with Billy, I thanked God, that it wasn't Gidun."

Arthur wasn't really surprised that Merlin would share such a private thought. He knew he was hopeless at keeping secrets but he was honoured that he would take him into his confidence and he knew then and there, that the extent of their intimacy was not based solely on the physical, it reached deeper; they were completely united body and soul.

He reached over to put his hand on his knee and smiled softly saying, "Merlin, I think that is understandable. Gidun is a very special horse. We did for Billy, the right thing. You have no reason to worry.

Merlin put his hand over Arthur's and gave him a smile and at that moment. Merlin knew that as long as they were together, they could face most problems by relying upon and supporting each other.

The track was becoming busier as they approached the village where they had spent the night in the inn. Arthur remembered little about it except that the furniture was nailed to the floor! He asked one of the other travelers if there was inn within easy riding distance of this one coming up. The man said another ten miles, so Arthur decided to head to it, if they were overtaken by darkness they would have to camp. Merlin wasn't going to sleep well anyway, after his horrendous experience.

They could see the lights of the inn as they approached. Arthur went in and got a private room for the night as he had no intention of sharing with other travelers. He led the horses to the stables, Merlin trailed him waiting outside. He gave the hostler a coin as he had seen Merlin do and promised another one in the morning if he had taken good care of the horses. The groom looked puzzled at the extra harness and Arthur explained quietly that they had sold their packhorse.

He was getting hungry again so as he passed the landlord, he gave him a coin and asked if he would send up some supper. Merlin was still very quiet and dragged himself up the stairs. The room was comfortable and the bed was a good size. The meal was hot and plentiful, Merlin ate but had nothing to say. Arthur started to undress and looked at Merlin just standing there. He realised as he helped Merlin undress that this is what he did for him every day. Deep down he knew that he felt a satisfaction that he was able to help Merlin and was saddened by the sorrow that his friend was experiencing.

Merlin got into bed and curled up into a little ball. Arthur slid behind him, wrapping his arms around him holding him close. At some point in the night, Merlin woke up screaming. Arthur reached for him and Merlin turned to him saying, "They'd shot you, not Billy and I had to hold you down as they cut your throat..."

Arthur said, "Merlin, I'm here holding you."

With a little sigh, Merlin whispered, "I'm not a girl, am I, Arthur, because I cried over a horse?"

Arthur realised how unkind he must sometimes be even when he was only fooling. Obviously it had hurt Merlin more than he realised when he teased him calling him that. "No, you'll never be a girl, Merlin. I've also been very upset when I have had a favourite horse die. Life is very cruel sometimes but I remember Gaius years ago telling me that each of the hardest obstacles makes us stronger to face the next one."

"Did he really say that?"

"Yes, Merlin, he did." Arthur looking at the dying fire, thought, 'Well, he could have...'

"Keep hold of me tonight, won't you Arthur?"

"Tonight and always..."