The next morning found the confused YouTubers a bit less exhausted than the previous one. By sleeping with earplugs in and all available forms of white noise turned on, they'd been more or less able to ignore each other's reoccurring outbursts and get some sleep.

Phil's alarm went off, waking him rudely from his slumber. After ten minutes of willing the day to go away, he finally dragged his body out of bed and shuffled into Dan's room. There, he found his friend awake, but lying on his bed and staring blankly at the ceiling.

"What are you doing?" Phil asked.

"Debating," Dan replied.

"Debating what?"

"Whether or not to go to Starbucks. I've been listing pros and cons."

"Why do you need to go again? You don't usually go everyday."

Dan sighed heavily. "It's one of our seven food sources, Phil. Plus, it's not like I've actually consumed much coffee in the past two days, just tossed it on a couple Americans."

Phil shrugged. "Well, have fun. I think I'm just going to go for a walk outside. I need to get away from the weirdness for a bit."

So after a quick breakfast of dry Country Crisp and strawberry yogurt, they parted ways.

Upon arriving at Starbucks, Dan quickly placed his order with the familiar barista and waited until she called his name.

"Thanks," he said a few minutes later, carefully taking the coffee and turning around slowly to walk to an empty table.

"Okay, Dan," he muttered to himself, "you can do this. Just get the coffee from point A to point B without slopping it on someone. Go slow… almost there… just a couple more-"

At that moment, a large bird crashed into the coffee shop window, startling Dan out of his trance just long enough to collide with a teenage girl.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!" he groaned.

"What the heck?!" the girl exclaimed, looking down at her soaking wet sweater. "You jerk!"

"Oh god, I'm sorry! Really, really sorry," Dan apologized. It took every ounce of willpower to keep himself from running out of the café in a desperate attempt to escape more insanity.

Then she punched him on the arm.

"Ow!" Dan yelped. "I said I was sorry! What else do you want?"

"Ha! I'm just messing with you!" she laughed, punching him a bit harder. "I never thought I would get the chance to meet danisnotonfire. I'm only here in London for a week. I'm from the US!"

"Oh, that's… nice."

"Yeah, it's great. Well, let's get a table and have a chat," she said, dragging him by the arm towards the dining room.

"Actually," Dan protested, "I think I have to-"

"Nonsense," she cut him off. "Everyone's got time for coffee. I watch your videos, Dan. It's not like you do much!" she laughed, punching him again.

Now he was getting annoyed. "Okay, that's not true. I do lots of stuff; I just don't film it all."

"Sorry! I'm sure you're very busy with your 'other activities'," she winked, using her fingers to make quote marks in the air. "Come on, I'm only here for a week. The least you can do is talk to me. As a subscriber, I pay your rent after all." She grinned, punching him in the arm again.

"Alright, we'll talk," Dan said slowly, "but only if you stop hitting me. You're gonna give me a bruise."

"Oh, come on dude. You can't take a couple of punches from a girl? Don't be a wuss."

"I'm not a wuss," Dan said, rubbing his arm, "I just find getting beaten-up unpleasant."

"Ha! You wouldn't last a day in my house! I have four brothers! You've got to learn to roll with the punches, dude," she said, hitting him again. "Whoops! Sorry, I'll try to hold back."

"I'd appreciate it," Dan said as they sat down at a table. "So, what's your name?"

"Oracle Caldwell."

"That's an interesting name," Dan said.

She stiffened in her seat and glared at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Wait, what?" Dan asked, confused by her hostile response.

"What do you mean by saying my name is 'interesting'?" Oracle demanded. "Is that supposed to be an insult?"

"Huh? No! I just meant that it was different. You know, not like 'Sarah' or whatever."

"So, you're saying you wish my name was Sarah?"

"What?" Dan asked confusedly. "That's not what I said. Your name's… lovely. I just mean it's interesting, because, y'know, everybody can list off a couple of Sarahs, but probably… not as many… y'know… Oracles."

With every word Dan spoke, he could feel himself getting less and less coherent.

Glaring, Oracle launched in. "Usually when people say that something is 'interesting', they really mean it's ugly. If you'd really liked my name, you would've said it was beautiful, not interesting."

She held up three fingers as she went on. "There are only three socially acceptable responses for when a girl tells you her name. First there's, 'oh, that's a pretty name,' which people tend to use when they actually think that the name in question is pretty. Next, there's, 'oh, that'll be easy to remember because I have an obscure relative with the same name,' which people tend to use if the name is very common. Third, there's, 'oh, that's an interesting name,' which almost exclusively means that the person really hates the name in question and cannot believe that parents would inflict such a name upon their own flesh and blood. I can't believe you went with the last one!"

Dan looked at her strangely. "I can see you've put a great deal of thought into this…"

"My parents named me Oracle!" she exclaimed. "What did you expect?!" She covered her face with her hands and began weeping big, choking sobs.

Dan stood up. "Look, I'm really sorry, but this is mental. I've obviously brought up a very touchy subject for you – y'know, by asking your name – and I apologize for that, but I just can't do this right now."

Oracle looked up, her face mysteriously devoid of tears, and grinned. "I'm just busting your chops, dude!" she laughed, landing another punch on his arm.

"Goodbye Oracle," Dan said, walking away.

She followed him out of Starbucks and down the street. "You know, you're a whole lot more fun in your videos," she remarked. "I expected you to be better at taking a joke."

"Let's just say this week's not going in my top ten," Dan muttered, speeding up.

"Why?"

"Goodbye."

"Oh, come on! You can tell me. I promise I can keep a secret… I've kept the one about my parents being half-siblings for sixteen years now. Haven't told a soul!"

Dan rolled his eyes. "That's good to know."

"Oh wait… " she said, coming to a stop. "I mean… oh crap! You won't tell anyone, will you?" she asked anxiously.

Dan looked at the girl for a second, trying to decide if she was serious or not. Then, he had an idea. "Tell you what," he said slowly, "I'll keep your little incest thing quiet if you turn around right now and quit following me."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Pinkie promise?" she asked, extending her little finger.

Dan couldn't help but smile a bit. "Pinkie promise," he nodded, linking his finger with hers.

"I guess you're a pretty cool dude after all," she laughed. With a final punch in the arm, Oracle flounced off in the direction from which they had come, leaving a confused Dan shaking his head as he continued on his way.

And that was when he heard the screams.

A/N: Hello lovely reader!

I would just like to take a moment to personally thank all those who have reviewed my story thus far:

livvylovesyou: for being the first to review, thus filling my little heart with joy

ThatEnglishRoseisnotonfire: for being concise and to the point, summarizing all of your thoughts and feelings into three kind words

lifelane: for knowing the location of Black River Falls Wisconsin, and also being very kind

Guest: for you anonymity and your literal death ... may you rest in peace

Rose Marion BAD WOLF: for your relentless criticism and insults (despite the facts that you are both my sister and beta reader)

DovahFinn: for your use of Shakespeare and your unpopular opinion regarding pie

Ljubica Lukic: for having the coolest name and managing to work in a reference to the story

Dolphelecat: for your impressive copy-and-pasting skills, as well as answering all of my vitally important questions

TheSunisOnFire: for using the following emoticon, XD, which I can only assume is supposed to indicate a very happy dead person

kickingpj: for sharing your opinions on the vitally important topic of pie, and for using the most consecutive r's in your impressive spelling of "more"

usernamez: for making an entire sentence out of the word "just"

SherlocktorWho: for surviving your plight with the squirrels and promptly forgiving my apparently offensive remarks

ScrewThatInternetHomo: for working in the most references to the story, as well as your semi-accurate speculations about the plot

aleprbla: for your kind remarks and encouragement

Finally, a word from Shakespeare: "O braggart vile and damned furious wright!"

Best wishes!

~Bethany