Hey, remember when I said I'd update Thursday? Neither do I! I ended up trying to fix my copy of Fallout: New Vegas and reading up on Equestria Daily the whole freaking day. And today. So, without further ado…here's another forced chapter, because all the plot threads in my head are fucking around near the end of the story! Enjoy!

MLP:FiM is owned by Hasbro and The Hub.

I grumbled the whole way towards Rarity's boutique, ignoring the glares I received from Twilight. She had no idea what I was dealing with. Only human in Equestria, and my best friend turned into a unicorn, how did she think I would feel? Happy? For James, yeah. He looked happier than I'd ever seen him. I mean, he was literally prancing around, and I gotta tell ya, it's incredibly strange to watch your best friend prance around you while you yourself look like you're going to stab everybody. So, naturally, we got a lot of strange looks. And due to being in a rage-filled haze and not paying attention, I ended up bumping into someone. Someone soft, someone warm, someone…pink. Pink?

Oh, fuck me, I was not ready for this.

"Hiiiiiii! Are you new? Oh my gosh, new ponies in town! Twilight! We should throw a party! Who's this? You're not a pony. Unless you're a weird looking pony. What are youuuuu?" Pinkie Pie got quite close trying to figure out what I was, and I backed into James, looking for an escape route to get away from this much energy. I was in no way prepared for Pinkie this early in my day, let alone in this kind of mood. She didn't pick up on it, and kept bouncing until Twilight stopped her.

"Pinkie, this is Dan. He's a human, something we don't have around here. He's staying in the library until he figures out what to do, and he's letting me study him. Right now we're on the way to Rarity's to see if we can get him a few new shirts for work. Would you like to come?" Pinkie nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh, it'll be so much fun! I can't wait to see what Rarity has for you." I grumbled and began walking again, relying on my miniscule knowledge of Ponyville's map to get me to Rarity's.

I gave up shortly after and let Twilight lead, ignoring her smirk. Pinkie Pie strolled along next to me, staring. "What. What do you want. Go bother James, I'm sure he'd love to answer questions." Pinkie Pie shook her head. Sighing, I responded, "Fine, ask away."

"Where'd you come from? Where's your hooves? What do you do? What's that red stuff on that shirt you're carrying?"

"I'll answer those in order, and that's all you're getting. I'm from Earth, specifically the United States of America, state of Illinois. I don't have any hooves, being a human. I've got hands. And the red stuff on my shirt is blood, from when I got hit in the face with an apple at Applejack's farm yesterday. And to answer one I know is about to come," I took a glup from the flask, "this is a flask. It's filled with something, not sure what. But it's keeping me sane and not a pony. So that's that. Anything else?" Pinkie's eyes went wide.

"You can turn into a pony? Why won't you? Being an Equestria girl is awesome! I mean, you'd be a guy, but it'd still be sooo much fun!" She continued bouncing as I sighed and finally, giving up, grabbed her mane.

"Listen. To. Me." The pink pony nodded. "I don't want to be a pony. I have friends, a job, and family back home. If there's no way back, I'll consider it. But until then, I'm holding onto my pathetic hope for normalcy, and to be honest, I have had one hell of a day, and I've been up for about 2 hours. So, for the love of God, shut up. At least for five minutes. And don't give me that look," I added, as I saw her lip start to tremble, "The 'Pinkimena' persona won't work on me. Not today. So just….try to contain yourself. For a bit. Please." The filly's hair deflated for just a moment before regaining composure.

"Is it like Fluttershy's Quiet Game? I always lose that but that's okay, because I love talking! It's so much fun!" I sighed heavily and kept walking, ignoring Twilight's look of bemusement at Pinkie's antics. Shortly thereafter we reached Rarity's, and a whole new world of annoyance opened up.

"My word, you simply must let me do something with these," said the white unicorn, pointing to my heavy denim work jeans. I glared at her.

"Just touch them up, fix the holes, and make them more durable, please. Don't add sparkles, don't add ribbons, and don't do anything unless you're going to run it by me. They're jeans, not a dress for a pony. And I'm going to need a new shirt, in the style of this." I tossed the bloodied fabric at her, earning a puzzled look. "That's blood. It makes the shirt all itchy and I'm not going to wea-" My reasoning was cut off as I heard a shriek and took a blood-shirt to the face.

"Do NOT get your bodily fluids on me! I cannot believe you would do such a thing, my word!" Rarity drew closer to me, indignation in her eyes, before Twilight stepped between us.

"Rarity, Dan has had…an interesting time in Ponyville, and while he's not the easiest, well, person to deal with," Twilight amended as she glared at me, "he does need your help. Please make it? He'll be nice from now on." I rolled my eyes. "Right?" Detecting the oh so subtle threat in her comment, I nodded. "Thank you. See? We can all get along just fine." Rarity looked at me, looked back at Twilight, and back at me.

"I can get along just fine if he can." I mentally sighed. This was sounding more and more like the sleepover episode, but fuck it. If it got me my new shirts and jeans, I would be Rarity's best friend. Or something close. I just really wanted to get my clothes and get to the orchard. And the bouncing next to me didn't help, but at least she was staying rather quiet. Pinkie Pie had been talking to James pretty much since I'd yelled at her, so it was nice for some quiet. And James had saint-like patience, due to putting up with me for many years. The amusement on his new face was apparent as he explained many things about humanity to Pinkie, and it shocked me how many she understood. She'd never seemed like the intellectual type, but she always had a strange understand of things no one else on the show had. Feeling a nudge, I snapped out of my thoughts. Twilight had been poking me.

"You okay? You're much angrier than I've seen you. It's really unsettling to see." I slumped, vaguely ashamed.

"Yeah, I'm mad. My best friend's a pony and I'm fairly sure I'm a few inches away from either a psychotic break or a nervous breakdown. The only thing I've got going is applebucking and drinking whatever's in this flask, and now I don't even know if I want to go home. It's not great there. Not remotely as good as I pretended, and I just want to go back because it's familiar. It's way too…happy here. I'm not used to it. Everything seems to go right, except for the variables in the case of James and I. He's acclimated rather quickly but, obviously, I'm having trouble. I just don't know what to do." I slumped against the wall and felt Twilight's reassuring hoof patting me on the arm.

"It'll be fine. You're going to see what to do soon, and you'll end up fine. And I'm here to talk if you need me, even if I have a 'fucking pony,' as you so kindly put it to your friend earlier." I smiled.

"Sorry, I'll try to swear less. And thank you. I'll figure something out, I just need time. I always have plans. They all suck, but I always, always have a plan."

I'm not going to lie. I hate writing Rarity. I'm really bad at writing for established characters and Rarity's nowhere near my favorite pony, which is probably why this took so long. A massive sale is happening at work, but I should pump out a chapter by next Saturday. Now, review responses!

Nick: He is not in. Sorry, bro.

Whitest Kid U Know: Chapter is up! Put the gun away! Or give it to me, I've been in the market. And I don't think my family knows what that is, but my dad did tell me if I tried to get him to watch this he'd hit me. Sorry to ruin your Cupcake fun, Capt. Grimdark.