Chapter 10 - NSFW
15 Years Ago: Kakashi age 3:
Carrying him home after they had been practising at a training ground, Kakashi had looked down and noticed the mark on his father's arm where his sleeve had ridden up. The cross-hatched diamond, their Clan symbol.
"What's that?" he asked Sakumo.
"Hm, that's the mark of our Clan, the Hatake. Someday you'll have one, too. Hopefully," said Sakumo, smiling gently at his son.
"Is it a tattoo? Did it hurt?"
Sakumo grinned at him.
"Not a bit. It felt pretty good," he said with a wink.
Kakashi gave him a disapproving pout.
"Pervert papa," he said, making Sakumo laugh.
Shaking his head, Sakumo ruffled Kakashi's downy soft hair.
"It only happens once. It will last forever. And when it happens, it twines your lives together in the most beautiful way possible." Sakumo looked down at his son then, his expression gentling. "The best way possible," he repeated. "It was like a second heartbeat to me. I've never regretted it for a second."
"Only once?" asked Kakashi, studying the symbol. "How come it only happens once?"
"Because you only have one heart in your chest, young man. You need it to breathe. If you give yours to someone, they need to give you theirs," said Sakumo, giving Kakashi a tiny poke in the chest. "And when you give your heart to them, it means you want to give them your name, share your life, and grow a family together."
Kakashi mulled this over.
"So, for making babies? You get a seal like a license to make babies?"
Sakumo's shoulders relaxed as he gave Kakashi a cuddle disguised as a hitch up in his arms.
"A contract," said Sakumo. "A promise. The most important promise you'll ever make. It means you'll never be apart. Because you'll be soulmates."
"But you and Mom aren't together anymore," said Kakashi, trying to understand his father's logic. He didn't remember his mother. She had passed away before he could make memories of her.
And it was then Sakumo's smile turned sad. "I wasn't there for something important," he said, sounding older to Kakashi suddenly. He leaned forward and gave Kakashi a quick kiss on his forehead. "Lucky for me she left you to keep me company, huh?"
"Daaaad!" whined Kakashi, straightening his hair and making Sakumo laugh.
"When you do it, Kakashi, mean it. Mean it, put your all into it and take the leap. Every minute is worth it," said Sakumo wisely. Then Sakumo flipped Kakashi into the air and caught him, resettling him on his back. "Hold on tight," he instructed his son. Kakashi had already koala-gripped his father, though, and was grinning when Sakumo took off running, their speed making his silky hair fluff in the air stream.
"Up we go!" called Sakumo. Sakumo launched them onto Konoha's rooftops, grinning as wide as his son at hearing his son laughing when they leapt from one building to another.
ANBU - Age 18
The days after the confrontation between Jiraiya and Kakashi were fraught with tension.
Kakashi's distraction and mounting restlessness caught more than one superior's eye. In order to forestall a showdown between Kakashi and Itachi, the Hokage sent Kakashi on a ten day long mission to Suna. Kakashi used it to his advantage. The long distance running gave him plenty of time to think and plan.
On his way back from Suna, Kakashi returned to the Hokage by taking a meandering path through Konoha.
First stop, the bath houses.
"... haven't seen him for days…"
"... rumour has it the Hokage told him to take his perversions with him and stalk the women of another country for a while…"
"... don't know how he can be so revered as a sannin if he's such a louse…"
Then past the training grounds.
"...heard that the Hokage's apprentice was approached…"
"... the Uchiha are too set in their ways. It'll never happen…"
"... strange winds are blowing, though. If that knucklehead Naruto can get married, I don't think anyone can be a completely lost cause…"
Around the merchants' district.
"... large order of flowers, but not for another few weeks. Hopefully it'll be plenty of time…"
"... more visitors are coming, according to the farmers. They were told to beef up production, literally…"
"... but then I said, the soonest we could do it would be three months. They drive a hard bargain…"
"... but it seemed more like a contract. There should be more to it than that, shouldn't there?"
And to the cenotaph.
It was quiet.
After a brief period of meditation, Kakashi straightened and made his way to the Hokage tower as the sun dipped below the horizon. His mission report delivered, he made his way to his last destination.
He passed through the amphibian-stencilled doorway, silent as a wraith.
Not in the baskets with the loose scrolls.
Not under the futons (thank heavens he'd brought rubber gloves with him; he hadn't been able to approach the beds without them).
Not hiding behind any loose ceiling tiles.
Not hiding inside any other books.
Not under a loose floorboard.
Not inside the closet.
Not in the ice box.
Not under the cupboard.
Not in his desk.
Not in the drawers.
Not inside the fake-bottomed drawers.
Not inside the genjutsu-layered fake-bottomed drawers, either.
(Though he removed a few photos of Sakura he found. That lying bastard.)
Frustration leaking into his search, Kakashi huffed and shoved the last drawer more firmly into the desk than was necessary, making a slamming sound.
"Told you we'd find him here."
He spun on his heel to see Sasuke and Naruto watching him in the dark.
Sasuke arched a brow at him.
"Did you really think that Pervy Sage would leave his apartment unprotected when he left the village?" He jerked his thumb at Naruto. "The minute you passed the toad in the front hallway, the dobe knew what was up."
Swallowing, Kakashi stood and shrugged his shoulders.
"Worth a shot."
"Kakashi, if you wanted to see the proofs of his latest work in progress, just ask! I keep duplicates at my place! His publisher's orders after that one time Tsunade got in and—"
Sasuke rubbed at the bridge of his nose, holding up a hand to stem Naruto's verbal diarrhea.
"That's not what he's looking for," said the Uchiha.
Naruto looked between them.
The blond's over-enthusiasm drained away, his expression aging him as his brow deepened, the set of his mouth firming.
"Have you seen the banns?" Naruto asked, looking at Kakashi.
"The banns?"
Sasuke's expression was even when he nodded once.
"The wedding banns."
"Konoha hasn't published public wedding banns since before I was born," said Kakashi, folding his arms in front of him. He arched a brow at Naruto. "Since when were they brought back? They were archaic."
"They were brought back at the request of the Uchiha clan head."
Kakashi's shoulders stiffened.
"Tradition states that the clan heir must declare his intentions publicly for all to acknowledge when he chooses a potential mate to court." Sasuke's expression tightened. "He… made his choice, officially, while you were on your mission."
Kakashi's hands slid into his pockets.
"She won't accept."
"She may not have a choice," said Naruto, calm even as his brow furrowed.
"It has been expected for some time. Itachi would not have posted the banns without a great deal of confidence."
"Confidence has never been his weakness," said Kakashi.
The men were silent.
"How long do I have?"
"When the banns went up, the Hokage granted him a reprieve from duty for a fortnight. Sakura has to answer him within that time, or his courtship is considered rejected."
"When did they go up?"
"Ten days ago."
Kakashi spun around and glared at Naruto, who held up his hands.
"Messenger."
"I have four days to break the jutsu?"
Yet it came out as a statement.
Sasuke nodded.
"I can't directly interfere."
This time it was Naruto who glared at him.
"But, if you can find a way into the Uchiha archives, which are located beneath the temple in the middle of the clan compound, and if you nudge the third tatami on the left just the right way, you may find something to guide you in the right direction."
Sasuke ignored Naruto's stare, focusing on Kakashi.
Kakashi's eyes narrowed.
"Why are you helping me over your own brother?"
"Because she would accept him out of duty and honour instead of love."
"She loves him." He hated admitting it, but it was true. Sakura would never have let someone touch her if she didn't love them.
"She feels she owes him. Debt isn't love."
Kakashi shook his head. How could she feel she owed him when he was the one who cast the jutsu on her?
"I don't get it," he admitted.
"Worry less about that and more about the deadline," said Naruto. "One we can change; the other we can't."
How bad did a situation have to be for Naruto to be the voice of reason?
Pretty bad.
It was the middle of the night when Sakura heard the knock at her window and closed her eyes a moment, praying for strength.
"If that's another half-dead ANBU too chicken to check himself into the ER," she muttered under her breath, pulling on a light robe. With practiced ease she had wrapped her face in a light scarf. She padded to her window and pulled aside the curtains. Her eyebrows rose when she saw her visitor.
"Hold on," she said, dispelling her traps.
"Thanks." Kakashi slid in, closing the sash behind him and resetting her traps.
She pursed her lips behind the thin cotton of her scarf.
"I'm surprised you didn't cancel them yourself and let yourself in."
"That would have been rude and presumptuous. This is your bedroom."
"You could have entered from the kitchen or living room."
"I was not interested in being a test-case for some of your new poisons, either," he admitted, scratching the back of his head.
She grinned.
"I only use poisons I have the antidotes for. At home."
"That's a relief. And still a concept I'd rather not test, if it's all the same to you."
She laughed, heading back to her bed and flopping down.
"Are you injured?"
"No."
She yawned.
"What's on your mind?"
He stood there in the middle of her bedroom, watching her.
"I heard the news."
She looked down at her floor, her fingers twisting in her blankets. "
Ah."
"Are you going to accept?"
She shrugged and gave him a false smile.
"Will you give me your blessing?"
"No."
Her eyes widened.
He stepped closer.
"Tell me."
"What?"
"Tell me what happened. When you were twelve. What started all this. Itachi used a forbidden jutsu on you. You were a minor even by shinobi standards. Why?"
"Kakashi…"
"Don't brush me off," he said, a small growl in his voice. "I'm not a child anymore."
Rubbing her thighs with her beautiful, powerful hands, she murmured, "I know."
He took another step closer.
"Tell me," he said. "Tell me what would make Uchiha Itachi, prodigy, clan heir of the Uchiha, strategist and pacifist, ever dare use a forbidden jutsu on a child."
"Kunoichi."
"Who was still a child!" He insisted, his anger getting the better of him. "Why!"
"Shh!" She cut her hand at him in a slicing motion. He half expected senbon to shoot from her fingertips, but it was not to be, thankfully. "Just…" She growled in her throat. "Stop yelling."
But it was too late.
"Because I had to," said Itachi calmly from the door of Sakura's bedroom. His gaze flickered to Kakashi.
"Why are you here in her apartment while she's sleeping?" demanded Kakashi.
"During the courtship period, I am allowed to protect and defend my claim."
Behind his mask Kakashi's lips pulled back revealing his teeth.
"She's not a thing! She's a person!"
"I agree."
"Then why are you doing this? Why are you doing this to her! You son of a bitch! You don't even care!"
"Kakashi!"
Sakura leapt from her bed as Kakashi took a step towards Itachi.
To Kakashi's surprise, Itachi didn't frown in anger, straighten his shoulders, or even adjust his stance; rather his eyes became downcast and his voice lowered as he looked away.
"To make amends," said Itachi after a moment.
Sakura sighed, rubbing at her face.
"This is coming out all wrong." She turned to Itachi. "Could you please wait in the living room? I need to explain this to him."
For a second, Kakashi thought Itachi would protest but he merely nodded and left, closing the door behind him with a soft click.
Breathing hard, chest rising and falling harshly, Kakashi turned to Sakura. His insides trembled when she reached for him and drew him into her arms, embracing him. He hugged her close in return.
"How are you so calm?" he asked, willing his body to stand down. It wasn't happening. He tucked his head into the crook of her neck and shoulder, heart heaving. He tightened his grip around her, refusing to let her go now that she was in his arms. He breathed in her natural scent. "Why?"
"It was a long time ago," she said, resting her head against Kakashi's chest. "I forgave him years ago. He's tried so hard to make things right. I can't hold that against him, Kakashi."
"Why did you forgive him? How?"
Sakura let out a low breath and a sad chuckle.
His heart nearly stopped when she said, "Because it was the only way to save my life."
Her bed was warm and he held the cup of tea between his hands. Sakura had lit a lamp on her bedside table, and true to his word, Itachi remained outside the room to give them privacy.
"How could the Godaime's apprentice find herself in a situation where she couldn't save her own life?"
Kakashi traced with his charcoal eye the edges of the miraculous seal on her forehead.
"Hmm." Sakura clasped her own cup between her hands. "Well, in my defense, I was twelve. I knew much, but this," she looked upward between her brows. "Well, it wasn't always there, or this strong. I was still learning. I was a smart kid, though. And determined."
"Which was how you ended up on an S-class mission?"
She tilted her head side to side.
"Yes and no. It was intelligence-gathering, but we had to find a way in under their radar. They were too suspicious of adult shinobi joining. They didn't trust them. So…" She shrugged. "I knew what I was getting into. And I wasn't alone; I was just the only one who was successful. Well, until someone, another nation's spy, recognized me when I was preparing to leave."
Kakashi's brow furrowed, and Sakura blushed.
"I'd been in the Bingo Books since I was ten."
Behind his mask, Kakashi felt his mouth drop open before his lips firm into a single line.
"But you said you weren't alone," he said slowly.
She shook her head. "Itachi was there, under a henge, and so were one or two others outside the base. But he couldn't be with me 24/7. It would have been too suspicious. In order to stay in character, one night he had to run a mission for them and that happened to be the night one of their reconnaissance team leads, who had been stationed near Konoha, came back from a long term mission and…" she shrugged again. "It wasn't pretty."
Kakashi didn't imagine it would have been.
"Long story short, I was unconscious when Itachi found me. We were too far from the Village to make it back, and he's no med-nin. He was, however, the heir to the Uchiha who have kept a number of their more formal traditions and secrets close to the heart, whether they practice them in current times or not. So, he knew a jutsu or two, enough to get me conscious, and," her voice tightened as she cleared her throat. "He didn't have much time to explain. We were hiding in a cave under a heavy genjutsu with minimal supplies, on the run and under pursuit. We had very limited resources and time. He… provided me with the barest explanation and asked for my consent."
Kakashi swallowed to clear the block in his throat.
"What did he need your consent for?"
Sakura's until-then calm expression wavered as she looked away. "... part of the jutsu."
"Why did he need your consent?"
"If I couldn't give consent, the jutsu wouldn't work."
"That's kind of the opposite of how jutsu normally work."
Sakura snorted, breaking some of the tension they shared. "That's true, isn't it?"
She turned her teacup around in her hands several times before continuing, and the mood pitched downwards once more as she added, in a whisper.
"I said no."
Kakashi stiffened beside her.
"I said no, after he explained the jutsu. I didn't want him to… For his sake, I said no." She looked down at her cup. "I was young. I wasn't from a clan. Hokage's apprentice or not, I was a no-name kunoichi with some talent with chakra. I didn't have half the weighting he did. I tried to get him to save his own life, to leave me. He wouldn't, though. Said something about a promise. I found out later Shishou had made him promise to bring me back." She shook her head.
"So, he couldn't tell anyone that the Godaime herself had abused her authority, Not that he would, but it would eat at him, ya know? He would feel it, know it, and it would haunt him that he'd failed. I couldn't let Itachi come back a failure of a shinobi, disgraced. He couldn't let me die. I was barely conscious from my injuries and fading fast again. This was at the height of the war; we had few allies we could run to to give us safe harbour."
She set her cup down on her bedside table and rubbed at her face.
"It was heartbreaking seeing the most stoic, terrifying shinobi of our village shaking in self-hatred as he explained what he had to do, hating himself for not knowing what else to do and having to resort to it, and still getting down on his knees to humbly beg me to reconsider." She shrugged. "I couldn't stand seeing him like that. And there were no guarantees it would work. But it was all he could think of to do."
"What was the jutsu?"
"A seal." At his look, she tried to smile at him from behind her scarf but failed. "A soulmate-bond seal. The Uchiha sealing jutsu the clan heir of the Uchiha makes with his bride on the day of his ascension to clan head. It shares their life force."
"The soulmate-bond isn't real," said Kakashi, numbness spreading through his extremities like a diluted poison. He'd read the scrolls in the temple, that night, before rushing to Sakura.
"It's real enough to be functional." She shrugged. "I'm used to… it. It's been years."
"The jutsu. The seal," Kakashi clarified as the silence stretched, forcing himself to be calm. "Did it work?"
"To an extent. Yes, and no. I'm not Uchiha by blood, so some things didn't go as planned. But… because of there being conflicting feelings involved when he cast it, it produced the ownership, the possessive and protective aspects of the bond like sharing our life force, but not the emotional binding… at least from my side. I'm very fortunate Itachi has never pushed for more than what I could abide. For a young man, some of the side effects were… more challenging to..." She shook her head once. "We…" She let out a huff through her covered lips. "It has led to confusion.
"The reason Itachi and I are paired together on missions so often is because we can locate each other without speaking or being in contact. We can diagnose each other's physical condition through our bond. We can't die unless both of us are grievously injured at the same time because we share a lifeforce. We also share, and enhance, each other's strengths." She shrugged. "There are other benefits, too. For example, I can't have anyone else's child, which makes some aspects of kunoichi missions easier to deal with." She swallowed. "Well, also, I can't…" Her shoulders drooped. "Well, I also can't enjoy certain parts of my private life, either. Unless they're shared with him. Which we both tried to avoid, because the jutsu can be a bit compelling. From his side."
Kakashi was frozen in place.
"Its intention, its priority, is the proliferation of the Uchiha especially since love is highly treasured by their clan. I know it affects him differently than how it affects me, especially since I'm not a member of the clan by birth or bloodline. It's not a true 'soulmate' bond; it can't force you to feel an emotion you don't feel… if you aren't an Uchiha. And not all aspects of the bond have been fulfilled, which… plays havoc with certain parts of our friendship and relationship. But overall, I am grateful to him for saving my life and I feel guilty he has had to shoulder a burden of guilt for doing so. He also sacrificed a great deal of his own freedom in order to save me. He's the official head of the Uchiha clan, not the heir, though that isn't public knowledge." She gave Kakashi a look, and he knew to keep that last bit under wraps. "So, while among the clan Elders he's the leader, the one making all the decisions in clan meetings, in public he's the puppet to the Clan and hasn't been able to take his rightful place. It is stressful."
"All that privilege must be stifling," said Kakashi in a monotone.
Sakura's expression was unimpressed as she leaned back on her hands on the bed.
"It isn't pleasant at all, actually, to be the head of the Uchiha." She shook her head. "It isn't my business to speak about his personal life, but I understand that he is under a lot of stress. He's here often because he needs a break from it."
In the quiet room, Kakashi clasped his hands together, pressing his knuckles tight as he considered her words.
"You need a break, too."
"I've been used to it for so long I barely notice it anymore." She was lying.
The numbness had spread further, reaching the insides of his limbs.
"You've tried to break it?" His voice sounded numb, too.
"More than once. Me. Itachi. Jiraiya."
"How did that go?"
She looked at him and arched her brow. Then she shook her head once, turning to look at the floor. He could hear her swallow and his heart clenched. She shrugged one shoulder.
"Can't win every time."
He looked up at her then, at the soft hitch in her voice and his heart cracked at the sadness in her, for once flat, emerald eyes. The hopelessness. The despair.
"I tried for years, Kakashi. I kept trying. But because it wasn't cast the traditional way, it didn't seal the usual way, and we can't figure out what else we need to undo it. It's like a knot that we can touch, but can't see, and whose ends are tucked inside. Until we can pull one of the ends loose, we can't unravel it."
"You feel tied. Trapped." He watched her as her shoulders drooped and her hands flopped open in her lap, only her thumbs twining together.
It was quiet between them in her room, the lamplight shining between them. Outside the room, Itachi was silent as a ghost. Kakashi knew Sakura had requested privacy from him, and while Kakashi understood that while Itachi had always abided every request Sakura had made (something he in fact despised admitting and respecting about the Uchiha), he knew any shinobi worth his shuriken would be listening in.
"He does his best to make it not terrible for me. He's very creative. Compassionate. Sensitive. Demanding. Because he expects the best of not only himself, but of others. He pushes us to our limits because he knows we can meet them. But just because we can doesn't mean we want to, sometimes. And it would be nice to know that he did things of his own initiative rather than because of some faulty curse seal's compulsion." Her smile was forced, rueful. "While someone else can see the best in you all the time, it isn't easy to believe it yourself. Especially when you aren't sure if you can trust them." Her fingers twitched, lifted, before twitching again and falling to her lap. "Makes it hard to look in the mirror sometimes," she murmured.
The cogs in his head were whirling. "Why did you start wearing the mask?" Kakashi asked, softening his voice. "The injuries?"
She looked up at his charcoal eyes and held them, her shoulders rounding back.
"Sakura?"
"...The seal."
His eyes flicked down to the edge of the fabric concealing her face and neck before lifting to meet her eyes again.
He hunched forward in his seat and leaned closer.
"Did you have a choice?"
She shrugged.
"It won't matter. Soon everyone will see it."
His brow furrowed.
She sighed and looked back down at the floor. "Part of the ceremony will involve displaying the seal. Proof."
Kakashi circled his arms around her, pulling her close. Heart to heart he felt the tiny trembles she fought to control.
"Everyone will know," she breathed, ashamed, leaning into him. Borrowing his strength.
"Will know what?"
She huffed against his throat.
"That I wasn't strong enough. I'm, literally, branded with failure."
"You could never be a failure. Or a quitter. Or weak," he said, closing his eyes as he inhaled a calming breath laced with her scent. His arms shifted, snugging her closer. "To Konoha, you're the strongest kunoichi since our Hokage, Senju Tsunade; you're one of the bravest ninja to grace ANBU; you're one of the brightest, most resourceful strategists we've ever had."
She closed her eyes, burying her face in the crook of Kakashi's neck. The hair on the back of his neck rose to attention as he felt her soft, warm breath passing over his skin, even through the fabric of both their scarves.
"And to you?" she breathed, nearly soundless.
He swallowed; she would hear it, as close as she was to his voicebox.
Daring, he turned his head and ghosted his lips over the shell of her ear, blessing them, as he closed his eyes and mentally sent prayers of gratitude heavenward for their time together.
"To me," he began. Of their own accord, his hands smoothed up and down Sakura's back, reassuring and pressing her closer. "I see the kunoichi who taught me what it meant to be a shinobi of Konoha. I see the reason I am proud to wear a hitai-ate. I see the soldier who protected me, over and over again, with her own life and never asked for anything in return." He swallowed, breathed into her ear, pulled her into his lap so her legs were on either side of his. "I see the teacher who never gave up on me. I see the teacher who never let me give up on myself. I see the teacher who showed me the value of teamwork, and friendship, so I would never be alone."
He felt the wetness and warmth against his neck, soaking through his scarf. With delicate, calloused hands he stroked her hair before pulling her away from him so he could read her eyes.
His voice deepening, he swallowed his fear.
"I see the woman who is so afraid of repeating her mistakes, of hurting others, that she pushes others away. I see the woman who is scared of wanting something for herself, because she worries it will take something away from someone else. I see the woman, the most beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, fierce, determined woman, who set the bar which no other woman has ever come close to reaching."
Her lips moved behind her scarf but all he could see were her shining eyes, full of emotion.
He took a fortifying breath and stroked a loose lock of Sakura's sleep-mussed hair behind her ear, careful not to dislodge her scarf.
Holding her gaze, his heart in his throat, he confessed, "I see the woman who means everything to me."
Behind his mask he tried to smile.
"Itachi." He paused. "He will have to understand that he isn't the only one whose heart you stole," he tried to joke, tried not to choke on the jealousy that burned him inside, at the guilt that threatened to strangle him because surely she didn't need his affections cluttering up her plate of responsibility, but he could not give her up. "Because I have felt his way for a long, long time. And I don't see it changing. Ever."
"Kakashi," breathed Sakura, her hand lifting to cover his upon her cheek.
She closed her eyes.
"Sakura." He twined his fingers with hers.
She turned her face up while he leaned down, pressing their foreheads together, sharing their breath.
"Do you remember what you said to me, my first day as your student?"
She chuckled under her breath.
"I hear you have an attitude; let's be friends?"
Kakashi chuckled, too. Maintaining contact, he shook his head lightly. "No. You said, "As long as you keep trying, I'll never give up on you."" He shifted her so she was as close as he could cradle. Sakura threaded her fingers through his wild hair, occasionally tugging at small portions like a bird. He found it relaxing. He pressed against her forehead, nudging her, and added, "I never gave up on you, either."
At her rueful chuckle, he nuzzled her covered cheek meaningfully, before whispering a hair's breadth from her mouth—
"And it will always be your choice."
Suddenly Sakura's grip in Kakashi's hair tightened and he opened his eyes, surprised to find hers wide and scrutinizing him intently. Then he felt her breathing hitch before she tugged his ragged mane one last time, just enough to bring his mouth to hers.
"Please," she whispered, begged, against his covered lips, kissing him. "Please, Kakashi."
"Tell me," he demanded, squeezing her closerclosercloser.
"Please, stay."
With that, she brought their entwined hand to the edge of the scarf, tucked his fingers inside it.
His heart skipped a beat as he felt the smoothness of her skin, as, an inch at a time, she revealed herself to him. Sakura let the scarf pool loosely over her shoulders as she looked up at Kakashi's adoring face.
His jaw agape, he drank in the sight of her.
"So beautiful," he whispered.
She smiled at him tremulously.
"It's supposed to be."
"Not the seal. You."
To his surprise, she blushed and bit her lower lip before giving him a crooked smile.
"I showed you mine."
The line from her birthday card.
He hesitated as he brought his hand to his own mask.
He swallowed, gathering his courage.
Sakura, with a playful smirk, tapped his nose. "Building up the anticipation? I didn't know you were a tease."
He blushed even as he scoffed under his breath.
"The last person who saw me without mine was my Dad, when I was a genin."
"Naruto, Ino and Sasuke are the only ones who've ever seen mine. Outside of Jiraiya and Tsunade, of course, when they initially examined it. And, when he cast it, Itachi. It's a small club."
His body tensing, brow furrowing, Kakashi looked into Sakura's eyes.
"Not since?"
She tilted her head at him before understanding what he asked, then shook her head.
"Not since the night he formed the seal's jutsu."
Because she didn't want to torment him with the reminder. Of course.
Still.
Kakashi's hand was gentle as he stroked the softness of her skin over the pulse at her throat.
"I can't feel it. There's no difference in texture. It's like a tattoo."
She poked his shoulder, pouting.
"Quit stalling."
He chuckled, ducking his head though his ears were pink.
"Prepare to be underwhelmed. I don't have anything as beautiful as this on me. Well… perhaps I have something better in front of me," he said, stroking Sakura's back.
"Who would ever have thought Hatake Kakashi would be a tease," she said, smiling at him. Every tooth was straight, and white, and oh sweet kami she was his everything—
His heart leapt rapturously in his chest, threatening to beat straight out of his body it was so fierce. She was dazzling him all over again.
"So beautiful," he couldn't help himself remark as he memorized every curve and flush of her freshly revealed face.
"Kakashi!" She slapped his shoulder and he stifled his wince.
"Fine, fine," he mumbled, reaching up. "I promised."
"You did."
And with that he slid his finger beneath his own mask, yet just as quickly felt a smaller hand invade at the same time. Curious, he raised his brows as he watched Sakura bite her bottom lip.
"I want to help."
His blush burned him.
"Okay." Had his voice always sounded so hoarse? Also, fast or slow? Should he just pull it all off at once, or—
The dilemma was quickly solved as Sakura gasped when she gently pulled his mask down and away, revealing himself to her fully.
"Yo," he said, giving her his usual eye-crease smile.
—or, he was smiling, until he felt her lips press against his. Then he moaned into her mouth, she grabbed him and threw him down onto her bed.
He promptly drowned himself in her.
OoO
Kakashi had thought it would end there when he responded. He was sure Sakura would kiss him only a moment or so before pulling back, looking down, sending him away or worse, apologising. He never wanted it to end.
Which was why he poured every ounce of his devotion into the kiss; his lips melting into hers as he felt her body conform to his as her legs straddled his waist; her heart beating against his, her fingers digging into his shoulders through his long-sleeve Jounin shirt as she tried to pull him closer and still bury his frame into her mattress with her weight. She slanted her head in just the right way to further their kiss and instinctively he brought his hand up to cradle the back of her head and hold her there, his heart yearning for her.
He opened his lips, in part to inhale but mostly in invitation, and sighed when he felt Sakura's tongue trace the tip of his tongue as he welcomed her inside him. He sighed in satisfaction, bringing his other hand around to Sakura's back to stroke his fingers down her spine through her pyjama camisole. It was light, ridiculously flirty for a ninja, but soft, strong, and made of a quality that impressed him when he accidentally dug his fingers into her back when she nipped him, surprising him and making his breath catch. He felt her chuckle against and relaxed, understanding she didn't hold it against him.
"I'm not made of sugar, Kakashi," she breathed against his throat as he moved away from his lips and trailed kisses down his jawline. It was the middle of the night and he had the beginnings of stubble, and the friction she created against his skin felt incredible to him. He had never felt it before. He wanted to feel it again and rubbed his cheek against hers, relishing the contact before moving to Sakura's throat to make love to it with his mouth.
Her wanton moan told him he'd found exactly what he meant to. He felt his Sharingan spin with the intensity of his feelings, his triumph, his desperation.
He closed his eyes as he held Sakura to him, his blood pulsing in his veins. He felt Sakura run her fingers through his hair, gently tugging on certain locks to draw a needy groan from his throat. She pulled away his hitai-ate.
Opening his natural eye, Kakashi released Sakura's throat to gaze up at her. She looked down at him, his hitai-ate in her one hand, before she set it down beside them, on her night stand.
Kakashi struggled to breathe.
His grip in Sakura's hair tightened, then trembled.
"I thought you couldn't… you said you didn't enjoy…" he tried to form the words, but his hoarse voice failed him.
She shook her head a bit, her eyes softening.
"And yet I'm feeling this." She shook her head. "I don't understand it, but I feel this, Kakashi."
His eye on hers, he swallowed.
"What about Itachi?"
Sakura looked down at him, then stroked her fingers along his cheek.
"He'll stay out. I told him to."
Kakashi's brows lowered, eye narrowing.
"He will stay out," promised Sakura. "He knows to stay out."
"A conversation you've had with him before?"
Sakura's voice was soft, but even, when she replied.
"For my kunoichi work, we had to. He will only intrude if I feel I'm in danger."
"I'm not a kunoichi mission," said Kakashi, watching her reactions carefully.
He was surprised by how much Sakura's expression gentled at first with her smile, then turned sultry and confident. "No," she agreed as she dipped her head to his again, rubbing her nose against his. "You're not."
As much as he wanted to continue, he didn't know if he'd be able to give her up if this went further.
"Is this a one night stand to you?" he asked, barely above a whisper. "Because it isn't to me," he added.
Sakura paused in her butterfly kisses.
His hands fell to her back and slid around her, holding her close to him.
"It would never be, for me," he breathed against the shell of her ear; he felt her shiver in his arms. His heart tripped in his chest as his vulnerability made his stomach retract; to stifle the butterflies that had disappeared from Sakura's lips and reappeared inside him. "Don't do this to me as a pity, Sakura," he begged, closing his eyes. "Don't do this if you don't mean it, too."
"Kakashi…"
"Because he used you to get to me, and I don't want to be your retaliation." His jaw clenched, and he opened his eyes and looked away. "That isn't what this should be."
Sakura's brow sagged, her lips closing on the words she was about to say.
"You said… before, you told me that some things were special. That they should be kept special."
Sakura breathed, listening. She gave the faintest nod. She gave him her undivided attention. His heart fluttered, as strange as it was to try and qualify the feelings in his chest.
"This. This is special. I want…" He swallowed, pink rushing to his cheeks. "I want special. With you. For you. To you. To give you."
Gods, please don't make me say it outright, he thought to himself, mortified, terrified, occupied by his vulnerability.
And despite it all, hopeful beyond belief.
Because without her mask, so many of Sakura's emotions could be seen in her expression; her joy, her hurt, her surprise and her dawning realization.
Her lips moved and made no sound.
He lifted a trembling hand, no matter how hard he tried to keep it steady, to her sealed cheek and drew her eyes to his.
He had to clear his throat, twice, before he added,
"Because I love you too much to be less than honest with you."
Sakura stiffened in his arms.
"I love you," he repeated. "I will always love you. But it will kill me to see you with him, if…" He swallowed.
Sakura's hand lifted to his at her cheek. Holding his gaze, she squeezed his fingers before pulling them away from her skin.
Kakashi's heart fell halfway to his stomach before he realized Sakura had not released him yet. Rather, it was her turn to swallow before moving his hand closer to her, closer, closer, closer, until he felt the warm softness of her soft skin beneath his fingers, beneath her shirt, against her beating, naked breast. The shock of touching her so intimately sent electricity buzzing down his spine. His body stirred to attention so quickly he worried he'd faint from lightheadedness as every ounce of blood in his body retreated southwards.
"Make love to me, Kakashi," she whispered.
His eyes fixed upon her her lips.
She gave him a nervous smile. "I love you, you…" She gave a shaky sigh, and her smile softened. "I love you."
When he didn't respond, she quirked a brow.
"I love you," she said, leaning down, nuzzling his throat. "I love you," she repeated, squeezing his hand around her breast, teaching him with her fingers how to tease and touch her. "I love you," she said, voice deepening as she brought a hand to his side, slipping beneath his shirt to run her fingers along the waist of his trousers. They stopped at the buckle, and she danced her fingers up and down his treasure trail, smiling into his skin. "I love every inch of you," she said, confidence returning.
Growling at how ticklish and sensitive his tummy was, Kakashi spent less than a half second debating before flipping them over and kissing Sakura soundly, grinding his now obvious interest into her with purpose and intent.
She gasped as she released him, setting both her hands about his buckle.
"Up," he growled, and Sakura sat up only far enough for Kakashi to tear off her camisole.
"Your trousers, off," she ordered, just as eager as he. He obliged her, placing his hands on either side of her shoulders on the bed and lifting his entire lower body up.
Sakura swallowed before stripping them, and his boxers, off. She took the opportunity to brush her fingers down his firmly muscled abdomen, appreciating every defined inch, purring.
Kakashi's shoulders tensed and twitched as he lowered himself down and Sakura lifted his shirt and licked his sternum; at the last minute she trapped his arms in the sleeves and with her strength, held him there. He looked at her with heated eyes as she leaned forward, her eyes on his, and sucked on first one male nipple, then the other. She didn't miss the way his toned stomach arched and flexed as her tongue laved attention on him; it made her smile.
He struggled to free his arms after a moment of the torture and she laughed and let him go; which was good as he wasted no time in kissing her senseless, his fingers drawing patterns on her sides, leaving what felt like smoking trails in their wake on their way to her sleep shorts.
"Play with me, first," Sakura breathed into his mouth, collecting his hands in hers and sweeping them upwards until they cupped and weighed her breasts again. She groaned in her throat as his thumbs began circling her nipples. "Yes, like that." She arched into his hands. "Just like that," she sighed as he settled into the cradle of her hips.
Rolling his hips into her to relieve some of the pressure from the electrical storm that was building inside him, Kakashi's breath whooshed out of him as he felt the softness of her body welcoming his, Sakura's warm legs wrapping around his middle and drawing him in closer. He had never been so excited or so scared, whether singularly or together.
Don't let go, don't let go, don't let go, he reminded himself, mastering himself as the tension mounted. Sakura wasn't even fully undressed and he was struggling.
But the feel of her under his fingertips, the velvet softness and the delicate skin, and the puckering tightness were testing his resilience in a way they'd never been tested before.
Listen, he told himself, leaning down to kiss Sakura on the mouth. Listen to her breathing. Listen to her whine. Listen to her whimper, he told himself, focusing. Just like the young woman said, years ago, courtesy of Jiraiya. Listen.
And when he heard her gasp and roll her hips into him, her head thrown back, he realised his brothel-teacher had been exactly right.
Her nails scratching down his back to halt and grab at his backside, pulling him closer to press tighter against her core, Sakura's face looked half-pained as she gasped for more.
"Pull, just a little," she begged, rolling her hips into his.
So focused was he on his task that Kakashi almost didn't notice the tension to his shoulders until it spread to his lower back and into his sack, warning him.
His brows furrowing, he swallowed, sweat dripping down his back to follow the trails of microelectricity shooting through him. Panting, he grit his teeth and grabbed Sakura's hips, grinding into them to try and ease his need before it was ended disappointingly.
"Kami, sorry," gasped Sakura, pulling her knees up and slipping her shorts off from under his fingers. She took his hand and brought it to her core and dipped his fingers in to reassure him when he hesitated, panting just as hard as he was. "Do you want me to guide you…" She asked, but Kakashi shook his head, eyes narrowed.
"No," he growled. Then his jaw clenched as he brought himself close to her molten heat. When he was aligned and his tip dipped into her, he caught her eyes.
"Go slow," she cooed, sweeping his sweaty bangs out of his eyes. She smiled at him before rising up to kiss him gently on the lips. "Easy," she murmured sweetly, rubbing his shoulder.
Easy for you to say, he thought, as he advanced and he thought he was doing well until she squeezed him and he nearly unmanned himself. He glared at her for that. Minx.
She bit her lip and looked up at him. "Sorry. Eager."
Shoulders shaking, Kakashi gave her a dark look. Then pushed in hard, and smirked, enjoying her velvet grasp and blissful curse.
"You're a bad man, teasing me," she said, adjusting to his pleasant girth. With her hands on his shoulders, she snugged him in closer, smiling.
"You're a bad woman, tricking me," he retorted before finding a rhythm. Grabbing her knees he yanked her closer, swallowing when he rubbed up against a particular ridge inside her and feeling her clamp down on him like a sweet vice. "Fuck," he swore, holding on and knowing he would leave marks in Sakura's thighs tomorrow as he rode out her undulating waves. For her part, Sakura's mouth had fallen open as she shivered around him at the intimacy.
"I felt it," she gasped a moment later, wetness around her eyes. "I felt you, Kakashi," she said. "I want more..."
Kakashi's brows furrowed.
"I… I've never… before, I," she struggled to find words, and gentling his touch Kakashi reached for her and took her hand. "It… with someone else, it never worked before. What are you doing to me?" she asked, looking at him in wonder.
All he could do was stare at her beautiful face, pleasured and flushed and glowing, and then struck dumb, all he could think was, More what?
Hips stilling for a moment to let her body rest, Kakashi's mind whirled. She'd never felt what before?... He tried to figure out what she meant… and then it hit him.
Climax. Because of the curse seal, she had never felt one before.
But she'd felt one with him.
And she wanted more.
He licked his lips as part of his readings from the Uchiha temple's secret room surfaced in his mind.
Sasuke had been right about the temple floor and the hidden scrolls; and somehow there hadn't been a single Uchiha around when Kakashi had stolen in and found what he was looking for. It was incomplete, but it was enough.
Did she want it, though…
His heart squeezed.
If she doesn't, it won't work, he thought simply. But if she does...
"Ready?" he asked, the question double-edged. He smoothed his hands down Sakura's hips and leaned forward, kissing her firm stomach.
She let out a happy sigh and nodded, running her hand through his hair, making it stick up worse, no doubt. She had never given up on rubbing his hair, he thought, and it came to him then that it must be one of her favourite features about him. Warmth spread through him at the notion and he gave her a gentle smile, leaning his head closer so she could thread her fingers through more easily.
"Yes," she said, smiling at him.
He began slowly, kissing his way across her shoulders as he massaged her sides, his hips rolling almost gently into her, pushing forward and down in a new rhythm. Her arms coming to clasp around the back of his neck and holding him there as the kiss waltzed its way to her smile. With a buck or two Sakura urged him on, but he maintained his pace. The pace and timing were so crucial.
Deepening the kiss and his thrusts, Kakashi took their rhythm up a notch as he felt the electricity buzzing through him again, stronger now. Was it her seal connection to Itachi? Was it his affinity for lightning? Was it emotion taking physical form? He didn't know. But it felt like an incredible phenomenon as it coursed, stronger and stronger, through him, powering his body as he let an inch of his control slip and pushed harder, harder, harder into Sakura to hear her small cries and whimpers of more, more, more.
"I can feel you, Kakashi," whispered Sakura, the same awe as before tinting her words into a loving song. "Please, please, I can feel you."
Building inside him, he felt the storm coalescing; lightning clouds and thunder rumbling through him in warning.
For he remembered his father's warning, once, when he was so young and didn't understand it.
But he understood it now.
His pace hastening, Kakashi grit his teeth together as he tried to focus on Sakura's sounds and cries. He grabbed a pillow from beside them and without breaking his pace, slid it under her hips to adjust their angle; Sakura's pitch shifted higher in appreciation, and he would have congratulated himself if he hadn't been so desperately trying not to tear his nails through her sheets with the tension thrumming through him.
Every cell in his body focused, and he began drawing his chakra to his core.
Once, his father had said, just once.
It only needed to be once.
He smoothed his hands over Sakura's stomach before bringing his hand to her swollen button and rubbing first soft, then firm circles, and pressing down with steady pressure on her lower belly; she was nearly there.
Would this make him as much of a monster as Itachi?
"Sakura," he groaned, stepping up his pace just a little bit further. "If you could be free of his seal, would you do it?"
"Yes, Kakashi," she gasped as his fingers played on. But she had been chanting that for a while.
"If it meant taking on another bond, would you do it?" he asked, sweat dripping down his face as he felt her womb shift at his words. There! His own core charged, Kakashi held his hand in place over Sakura's lower belly, felt the tension string taut inside her. He thrust harder, deeper, faster, as his lower back coiled tight in warning. Sakura's trembling hands grabbed Kakashi's straining arms; strained not from exertion but from focus.
He began his countdown.
"Kakashi, just don't stop," she begged. "Please, this… I… Please… I've never felt like this…"
Her legs shaking around him, Kakashi clenched his eyes shut. So much feeling. So much, so much, so much.
The coil sank forward and down, and Kakashi knew it was heartbeats away.
"I can feel you, Kakashi," she pleaded. "I can feel your heartbeat inside me."
"It was like a second heartbeat to me. I've never regretted it for a second."
"I'm close," he warned her. Last chance. Tell me to stop. Please, tell me to stop. No, fuck it. Don't ever tell me to stop. I want to make love to you for the rest of my life.
"Yes!" Sakura thrashed, then arched right off the bed, her nails digging into Kakashi's arms. "Every day, for the rest of our lives!"
Which was when he realized she had heard what he had said in his head.
That was it; Kakashi could hold back no longer.
The shivering electricity took hold of him, he shot lightning and released his storm inside her, chakra and all; past her defenses, past her own chakra barrier, and electrifying them both. At some point she reached for him and threaded her fingers through his over her womb.
The resulting explosion blinded him and his vision went white as they both shouted their release.
Then, boneless, he fell to Sakura's side. He reached for her and pulled her closer, trembling heart to trembling heart, breath mixed with breath, soul mixed with soul, naked inside and out. Their fingers still intertwined.
"You are Hatake now," he murmured, barely coherent as he drifted off to sleep. And I am home.
TBC
AN: FYI, I think this story will tap out at about 13 chapters plus epilogue.
I don't usually ask for reviews, but I admit I could use the pick-me-up at the moment. I just went back to school this week for a certification program at university again. I apologize for the lack of review replies for this round, my time is short. I read and appreciate every review, though. They keep me going and make me smile!
(So, please review?) 8)
Have a great weekend and thank you for reading!
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