by Greylle
DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea.
Okay, LOTS of bizarre. Hopefully lots of fun though too. ^_^ Things get even more bizarre and divergent real soon.
Chapter Ten: Undercover Angel
"The Angel is doing something," reported the tech. "Energy spikes in electromagnetic, gravitic, and AT field strength."
"If I wake the Commanders up for nothing, I'll be lucky if I'm able to work in this hemisphere again," said their somewhat harried shift commander. "Record everything for later analysis. Is she breaking free?"
"No, she's..." the tech switched several views. "It's some old game system she's examining."
"Technically, despite appearances, it's not a 'she'," said one of the other operators.
Both the original operator and the commander decided to ignore the rules lawyer. "Where'd she get it?"
"It was one of the things left behind when we comandeered the shipyard for use," said the operator. "We didn't exactly have time to clean everything up."
"Understood," admitted the commander/team leader.
"Got it, it's an old videogame, looks like one based on some anime," said the operator. "The screens are flicking through too fast for me to get a good idea."
"It's the 'Negima Al Abra' game, I got that one, oldie but goodie," said the third operator.
"'Negima Al Abra'?" asked the commander. "What language is that?"
"It's a videogame that combines 'dating sim' with 'fantasy RPG' and aspects of 'harem comedy'," said the third operator. "You're playing the part of a wizard who has to rescue these girls who got scattered across a world of magic and fight off this typically nasty big boss and his minions. Not to mention slavers, pervert mages, wandering monsters, and such. A couple of the minigames were really good so people keep buying up the old copies of it on eBay."
Finally the screen flicked to an expanded menu, with character screens unlocked now that the game had been beaten.
Without physically touching the tiny game system, the Angel continued to flick through the various profiles until one in particular was displayed.
Yes. This one would do.
"Gravitational spike. AT Field imploding? Thermal energy decreasing? What the heck?"
"Steady now," said the Commander. "Am I seeing this right? Is the kaiju shrinking?"
"Confirmed, mass decreasing rapidly," said the second of the operators as she got busy. "I'm detecting... this can't be right."
"What particular part of this insanity isn't right?" asked the Commander in a quite reasonable tone.
"Capillary action? The Angel is..." the second operator stared at the readings. "It's approaching human values. Heartrate, respiration..."
"More than that," said the third operator, looking at the big picture and zooming it in on the shrinking kaiju. "I recognize her. She's a character from that game. The kaiju is turning into an approximation at least of Makie Sasaki."
"And that is supposed to mean something to the rest of us?" the Commander asked.
The third operator looked sheepish and ducked his head before turning to face the others. "She's one of the girls in the game that you have to rescue."
"Which makes her a little girl?"
"A teenager, actually."
"Which means that our kaiju is shrinking into the form of a junior high student," the third operator commented.
"Which matches our pilots, doesn't it?" commented the first operator.
Something about the idea made the Commander twitch at the corner of his eye.
Anyone watching the Angel would have seen the massive figure shrinking down, both in height and bulk. Almost as if shedding the huge weight that had given the kaiju her size. Still holding onto the humanoid shape, the creature slowly began to lose that which separated it from those whose from it imitated. Pink began to seep through all the locks until the hair was one solid color. Curves were quite evident, looking less like a bombshell than an athletic figure. Grace showed in her movements as she easily went to balance with her new shape.
Then, as the changes settled down, what looked like a nude Makie Sasaki stood there where a giant alien being had been only moments earlier.
Blinking at the shift in perspective, she looked around as if seeing with new eyes. Once she began to gain some sort of focus back, she looked down at her new body, poking and prodding at it, especially at the soft and squishy bits. At the same time, she bent about, showing a flexibility that many girls of her apparent age would have envied. And then she simply posed a bit, almost looking as if trying for a cheesecake photo, as she tried to get a look at her reflection.
"Is she really doing what I think that she is?" the Commander asked no one in particular.
The second operator gave a small shrug. "Well, lots of teenagers are curious about their bodies."
All the others just turned to stare at him.
Gendo steepled his hands in front of him, elbows resting on the desktop, while Fuyutsuki simply stood behind him and to the side.
"This has gotten... odd," understated Gendo eventually.
"You're developing a gift for understatement," said Fuyutsuki quietly.
On the screen, the girl in the room was trying to keep a desk between her and Ritsuko Akagi. Occasionally squealing in apparent fright as the syringe-toting doctor closed the distance or lunged at her.
"Interrogation seems to be in keeping with the information we pulled off that game's background," said Fuyutsuki. "As far as the Angel is concerned, she is Makie Sasaki. Age 14, recent attendee of Mahora Academy, enthusiast and practitioner of Rhythmic Gymnastics, brown eyes, pink hair, blood type O. Sort of the Genki Ditz archetype."
"Hmph," said Gendo dismissively.
"The gymnastics ribbon behaves almost like a tentacle," said Fuyutsuki. "However we managed to substitute a normal one, only to find her able to manipulate the new one just as well as the old one."
"So the ability is within her, not within the objects," said Gendo as he watched what was going on in the doctor's office. That it resembled a scene from some comedy series was not lost on him despite his distaste for the genre.
There was a moment of silence from both men as Ritsuko physically tackled Makie, wrestled her to a standstill, then proceeded to draw blood.
"Doctor Akagi seems... a bit on edge," noted Fuyutsuki.
"Hmph," said Gendo dismissively as Makie teared up and began crying at whatever Ritsuko was saying.
"I mean really on edge, ever since your son showed up," said Fuyutsuki.
"I can still use her," noted Gendo as Makie continued to squirm and protest and Doctor Akagi continued to wrestle her patient. Now she had one of "Makie's" arms in a scissors lock as she drew another vial of blood.
"So... what do we do?" asked Fuyutsuki.
"This was NOT in the Dead Sea Scrolls," said Gendo after a full minute's silence. "Enroll it in the school. We can keep an eye on the angel there and potentially make use of it."
"Not a holding cell?" asked Fuyutsuki as Makie managed to twist and throw off Doctor Akagi.
"No, I think further away from Doctor Akagi would be better for all concerned," said Gendo as he watched Makie running away from a ribbon-shibari-tied Doctor Akagi.
Dragging herself home wasn't exactly the most enjoyable thing that Misato had gone through, but she did look forward to it. This wasn't due to some sort of masochistic desire, but through the delight over the idea of being able to get to her bed. After having to go through all of the work of securing the Angel, there had still been piles of paperwork to struggle through. And as much as she had fulfillment and pleasure with the command aspects of her job, she absolutely hated all the forms that were sent her way, especially since every single department seemed to have some sort of document that needed her personal attention.
That was why she was so happy to see her entrance to her apartment in front of her. Smiling to herself, she opened the door with the mental image of relaxing with some snacks and a beer before plopping into her bed. "Hi, I'm home!"
Rather than the silence she'd used to experience or a greeting from a roommate, the sound of agitated voices reached her.
Confused, she moved further in, wondering as to what was going on. There seemed to be some sort of problem, but she couldn't see what that could be. She didn't even have enough information to make a guess, so she could only go and directly find out... although that did seem to be a bit disturbing as the voices became understandable.
"C'mon! Ya don't gotta do this!" came his voice.
The volume of the feminine voice was raised even if the tone wasn't. "It will help."
"How?"
"Do not struggle..."
"Okay, what's going on?" Misato asked as she entered fully into the room... only to stop and cross her arms over her chest as she stared down at her two charges. "Mind explaining what is going on?"
Not that the two teens really needed that much help in laying out the facts. A hunched over Ranma was looking rather like he was trying to pull himself to freedom, but Rei wasn't having any of that. She had his shirt pushed almost over his head, and was apparently trying to get it the rest of the way off. With his pants making a valiant effort to stay on, it was clear that he was soon going to be very naked very soon. On the other hand, the blue haired girl was most certainly naked, although their guardian couldn't see it all. But considering the fact that the reason that the breasts weren't immediately visible was due to the fact that her chest was pressed into his back made that kind of silly to argue about.
"You guys weren't trying anything before I got here, were you?"
Ranma wildly shook his head, and then looked pleadingly towards the older woman... seeming to mouth the word 'help' as he did so.
Then again, Rei was looking to help his trousers leave his body, which had the effect of sending her hand down his shorts.
"AH!" he yelped, obviously more than a bit put out over the sudden intrusion.
"Are you enjoying yourself there?" the Operations Director murmured as she looked them over.
Cocking her head to the side, Rei took a moment to answer. "That was my aim."
"Obviously, since it smells like you... Ayanami, have you been drinking?"
"Yes. According to my information, it was my duty, although the taste at the beginning left much to be desired."
"That isn't the point!"
"True enough. But then the aim did seem to be to present an image and give a solace for a lonely woman who has been left behind and is in need of comfort."
For some reason, Misato had the distinct impression that she'd been unwittingly insulted.
There was a lot that Kaji had done over the years, and some of it wasn't exactly the sort of thing that he was proud of. Fortunately though, he hadn't had to do anything on this trip that was all that troublesome. Nominally, he was supposed to be the guardian on this trip, but since he wasn't having to do much of any watching, it had been a fairly calm cruise, all things considered.
And now he was here in Tokyo-3, ready to get to work. A lot of his work would actually be fairly above board, since they did have giant monsters trying to smash humanity into oblivion. Then again, he would also have to see a certain lovely woman and see if she was as fun as she used to be. That would have to suffice for a control on the other stuff, as he wouldn't be able to really go for the calm stuff, even among this amazing example of human ingenuity and effort.
Though, it did seem that there would still be some sort of entertainment straight off from the beginning of their arrival. "Like what you see?"
"If you mean to ask if I am happy to finally get here, then yes I am," Asuka snapped, as she marched over to gangplank. "If I have to stay stuck like this, I am going to have to kill someone."
"There's no rush."
"Yeah, right. I am beyond the need to rush!"
"You know, you really should relax," Kaji told her with a fairly disarming smile.
It didn't work on her this time though, and she whipped her head around so she could glare at him. "Everything has been one screw up after another, and I'm not going to let it get any worse! As it is, I'm already going to have to go shopping!"
"Wanting to see what styles you can try out?"
"Yeah right! My luggage has gone to who knows where, which leaves me only with what I've carried with me. It's not like I've packed extra underwear, and do you know what happens to panties when you've washed them too much?" the redhead snapped... and then flushed heavily as she realized what she'd said.
"I'm sure that we can spend a lot, given the circumstances."
"Good. I don't want to look stupid, though I hope that little boy doesn't think that I'll be getting outfits to impress him."
"Somehow, I doubt that has even crossed his mind."
"It'd better not have," she grumbled, pressing her lips together. "He's probably nothing more than some pathetic wimp, only doing what he's told, and stumbling his way into fortune."
Something told Kaji that it might not be best to remind Asuka about the data in the files right about then.
She'd been on edge since Ranma Ikari had first shown up. He was irreverent, obnoxious, and so damn impossible that she'd decided to give him a measure of payback. Unfortunately, to her at least, he'd met her payback and raised her a major annoyance.
"Doctor? You got an espresso machine for the lab?" asked Maya on seeing the new device.
"I'm putting in pretty long hours," admitted Ritsuko as she took a long draught of her coffee and looked over the morning reports. Hmmm. There was an update on the captured angel. Everything so far was showing normal human values, or close to it. Similar to Ayanami in many respects. And here was another report, this one indicating that the angel was...
SPLURSHHHHHHHH! went a mouthful of chocolate-mocha double-whipped espresso.
FZZZZZZZZZZK! went her computer as some wetness apparently found something inside the computer and sent fat sparks out.
THUNK! went a circuit breaker somewhere in the area.
Maya blinked at the sudden arrival of dark. "Uhm."
"Don't. Say. A. Word," warned Ritsuko, each word being pronounced distinctly and with a certain aura of doom involved.
"Uh, right," said Maya, retreating from that.
CRASH! THUD! went a chair and Maya as she managed to fall over something in the dark.
"Owie," quoth Maya Ibuki.
"You might want to wait for the emergency lights before you go moving around," helpfully pointed out Ritsuko.
"Uhm, right," said Maya, sprawled out on the floor in the darkness. "What was on that report anyway?"
The emergency lights finally came on, their red flickering somehow appropriate.
"That angel has not only taken a human form and identity, but she's enrolled in school." Ritsuko's voice indicated her full disbelief in the situation. "All references to Shamshel are now to use the name Makie Sasaki."
"Oh," said Maya as she slowly got back up. "I see."
"You 'see'?" asked Ritsuko, slowly turning, her eyes staring at some inner horror. "What do you see? Do you actually think you have ANY clue what's going on?"
"Errr, Doctor?" asked Maya, backing away.
"Did you see THIS?" asked Doctor Akagi, whipping a report off the stack and shaking it at her assistant. As it still had some espresso on it, this sent little droplets flying.
"Errr, uhm, 'no'?" asked Maya, continuing to back away.
"It seems Rei Ayanami has been shopping," said Ritsuko, advancing on her assistant. "WHO is she planning on having sex with that she would NEED things like this?"
"Uhm, I'm sure it's nothing, she might not even understand what they are..." said Maya hopefully.
"Do you know WHO she begins to look just like?" asked Ritsuko.
"Uhm, well, I was kind of noticing that she sort of looks like..." began Maya, giving a little eep when she ran out of backing-up room.
"And THEN there's his SON," said Ritsuko Akagi, twitching. "Do you know how many needles I bent trying to get his blood?"
"Seven," automatically supplied Maya before she realized that maybe it was a rhetorical question.
"Any time he twitched so much as a muscle he'd break another one," said Ritsuko, grabbing something off a desk so she could just have something in her hand. "Do you know how frustrating that infuriating boy has made my life?"
"Doctor Akagi, please put down the scalpel," said Maya, her eyes quite large now and sweating a lot.
"Now there's THIS!" said Doctor Akagi, making a few gestures to emphasize how unhappy she was with current events.
"You mean the kaiju turning into a fictional character?" asked Maya. Who then clamped her hands over her mouth when she realized what she'd said.
"It's. Not. A. Kaiju." Doctor Akagi declared.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" shrieked Maya, bolting along the wall and through a door.
"What got into her?" asked Doctor Akagi after a moment. "Yeesh. Wish they'd get the regular lights back on."