If I could have a moment of your time to read this,I try my best not to spill my life into the author's note, least of all the story itself (to rather doubtful varying degrees of success), but that is what part of writing is for me,catharsis. I had finally gotten ready to update this, and then i had a terrible fight with a cousin and he just brought all past trauma back to the forefront of my mind. I broke down. Like, over the course of the spring semester of 2019 i had several breakdowns, minor as they were, but my cousin, he pushed buttons and was being difficult just to be difficult and I had just had surgery. I had to be on call with my friends as they calmed me down from panic. As you might imagine after this episode, what will I had to write was all gone. And then nearly a week later, it hit me why I was struggling so much now, why I couldn't finish this particular fic.

None of the abusers in my life have ever faced the consequences of their actions.

None, no one. Not my friends, not strangers and least of all not my family. Not the emotional, physical or sexual abuse I've got through and witnessed and realizing that fucked me up almost deeper than the trauma.

And I won't go into specifics, but when I say I relate to Midoriya, it's probably with a heavy grain of self projection. I wrote this in an effort to give his character closure for the treatment he receives in canon. For the closure I've never really gotten. Then I realized how do you write something you've never experienced? And that's where I lost all muse and hope to truly complete this story.

But I wanted this story to be hope. I want Midoriya and even myself to find a reason to live.

I'm not gonna lie, as you might deduce, I've got a few issues lol, just skimming the top, but despite everything and some will, I'm still here. And I hope whoever's reading this knows I'm hoping that they find the fact they're still here the proof of their strength.

It's easy for me to say I think it's incredible that people can still be alive no matter what they've faced, when in comparison it feels like my own issues aren't so grand and yet I can barely face day to day. But I remind myself, and I remind you all, that trauma cannot be compared and one bad situation doesn't outweigh the other, and whatever happened to you is not your fault.

Hopefully this didn't come off too much as preachy, and certainly probably not where you were expecting from a bnha fanfiction but I hope it meant something to you.

But despite my meager hopes, unlike fiction I can't face my trauma head on. I'm falling apart, everytime I think I'm close to pushing through, something in life reminds me of all my anxieties, of the people who have hurt me. And it just makes living difficult, it makes continuing this fic in particular, difficult. Because I have nightmares of fighting back my abusers and them trying to ruin my life, dreams and reality of helpless and a large part of me wants to so dearly spread hope. I'm sick and tired of the "life isn't fair" so it's fine to give you a hard time that is common in fiction, life isn't fair, which is exactly why we should all be working for it to be fair. I never want anyone to feel how I've felt. I don't want the young generation to suffer the indignity I've faced, and this is getting rather preachy and far from my point but just, I'm only human, and a faulty one at that.

I want to continue this story really I do. I want a resoultion both for myself and midoriya. But for now, it hurts to much to have him have the facedown i've envisoned and the story will go on hiatus.

I thought about discounting it, and putting it up for adoption, but this story is too close to my heart. I'm sorry. This probably isn't the news you were hoping for when you got the email alert, and again I'm terribly sorry.

My hope is that when I'm in a better place, I can come back, revise some things and update the fic with a solid and hopeful resolution.

For now, thank you for reading and I'm sorry.

Have an incredible day