A/N: Huzzah it's an update! It's decently long too, yay! ^.^
(Feedback is really appreciated!)
My head spun.
My body felt searing hot, and the limp hand at my side throbbed with each rapid pulse of my heartbeat. I could never get enough air each time I breathed, and I suppressed a cough; cracking my dry, burning throat painfully.
It felt like it's been about a week, but it's probably been way less – I don't know anymore. I can't tell, with me constantly slipping from conscious to unconscious.
My body's stopped listening to me a long time ago, so when Hanji told me again to stand back up, she had to drag me upright and prop me against the wall for me to stay in balance. Her hand felt cold against my skin, almost like ice. Every time she touched me, there was a slight billow of steam followed by a weird sharp hiss.
"Last one for the time being! Then you can go rest a bit." Hanji said happily as she held up another needle filled with more of that clear liquid. She came closer, and I tried to stagger backwards before remembering that the wall was right at my back.
I didn't know what she was doing, but I knew that whatever she was going to put into my body was going to be really bloody painful and I'll have to bite my hand again and suffer the scorching hotness afterwards.
I didn't really want any more of those, to be honest.
She grabbed my arm with one hand, her other hand hovering the needle over the skin. I tried to jerk my arm away, but it didn't work. Of course it didn't. Nothing I ever did seemed to work. I give up.
But when I felt the prick of the needle piercing through my skin, and saw Hanji's thumb resting on the syringe, about to push the hideous liquid into my body, I winced and pulled away with all the remaining strength I had. I lost my balance and fell awkwardly onto the stone ground, clutching my arm.
Hanji's face, darkened with shadows around her eyes and her brown orbs wide and lit up so darkly that I couldn't tell if she was absolutely excited or furious, was the scariest thing I would ever see.
Shuddering under her glare, I tried to shuffle away from the needle and her terrifying looks. I didn't get too far before she grabbed me abruptly under my arms and lifted me up easily, making me face her.
"You know, Eren." She said, her face too close to mine, "I only like good little boys that corporate with my important experiments. And right now, you're not being one, are you?"
I stared up at her, feeling tears pool in my eyes. She pressed me none too gently against the wall and held up the needle again. Tears spilled onto my cheeks as she shoved it into my arm and pushed the liquid into me, and I could feel the cold feel of it spread into my arm.
"..No." I heard myself whimpering as I felt the warmth spread inside me again. I slid down onto the ground, clutching my knees closer to me.
"Hurry up. Bite your hand, and then you're done." Hanji ordered, and I did as I was told. My hand was littered with bite marks now, and just putting it in my mouth was painful enough.
The searing hotness spread through me like wildfire, and the blood dripping down my hand and onto the ground seemed cold compared to the flame burning inside of me.
-x-
I was pretty much sobbing when she was finished with me. Even when she left the room, I stayed there, on the floor, for a good hour – just crying into my knees like a helpless, weak child. Which I essentially was now, I guess.
The effects of the sixth experiment weren't to Hanji's taste either, but she said she would let me rest for the night. It was miserable, really, feeling the hotness slowly cook my brain into numbness and the tears constantly trickling down my face, refusing to stop.
A strangled sob escaped my throat and I buried my face further into my lap, closing my eyes for a moment before reopening them quickly. The darkness was terrifying. Every time I closed my eyes Hanji's smile flashed, her wide, insane eyes boring deep into me.
Where was Levi?
I've never wanted to see Levi as much as I wanted to see him now, even if it's just for a moment. Just… maybe to tell me that I'm not completely useless. Or maybe just to pat me on the head, or even just to look at me – I didn't care, just something.
Deciding that nothing would happen if I just sat here feeling sorry for myself, I pushed myself off the ground and wobbled up, using the wall as support. My body still felt like it was on fire, and my head spun crazily when I tried to take a step towards the door.
Come on body, cooperate god dammit.
Still leaning on the wall, I inched towards the doorway, my breathing getting more and more painful by the second. Determining that I was well enough to go the next few steps to the door alone (and knowing that if I go too slowly my throat wasn't going to last), I pushed off the wall and wobbled forwards on unsteady legs. The first step was as fine as it could be, but by the next few my legs trembled and burnt. I reached my goal though, and crumpled down right at the doorway, clenching my teeth against the pain in my legs and throat and head and basically everywhere else. I probably shouldn't have, though, because the hard, gravelly stone underneath me bit harshly at the skin on my knees, adding to the endless list of current injuries.
Ugh. Just fantastic.
I made myself stagger up again, and this time make it all the way down the hall (achievement right there) until my legs decided to give up on me and gave out on the first step. I slumped down, landing hard on my butt, and stayed there for a little while, waiting for my legs to decide to work again. My body felt like it was getting hotter, which was hopefully just my imagination.
Panting, I grappled onto the railing and pulled myself back up. My eyes kept going in and out of focus as I half stumbled, half tripped down the stairs. By the last few steps of the staircase, I really couldn't care less anymore and just fell down with my eyes squeezed shut, landing in a dazed heap at the base.
It took me a couple moments to open my eyes and then see Hanji standing in front of me, one hand on her hip and the other holding the clipboard she's been frantically scribbling in. It took me another few moments to respond and scramble backwards, staring wide eyed at her shadowed figure.
"Jeez, Eren. I'm not going to do anything." She held her hands up and waved them around a bit. I stayed glued in the awkward position though, and gulped when she came forward a step.
But maybe… she would know where Levi is?
"H-Hanji." I said, but it came out as a hoarse, dry whisper. "Do you know where heichou is?"
She paused a little before lowering her arms and sighing. "He's not here." She shrugged, and I stared at her, waiting for her to say more. "He's checking on the wall. He said something like he was annoyed at you- wait maybe that's not right. Something about… oh, maybe it was that he 'wasn't suited for kids'. I dunno. I wasn't really listening to him."
I rearranged my limbs out of the awkward position and sat there and stared at her as though enough staring would bring out all the answers for me. Why…? Why did Levi leave? What did I do?
Will I see him again?
"W-why?" I gasped out, trying to stand her but failing and sprawling back to the ground. "Where… can I see him-"
"Oh, by the way!" She cheerfully cut me off, "I have six more experiments waiting for you tomorrow, so you know, cheer up! It'll be fun! And also, there's some bread left in the kitchen if you're hungry! Okay, good night!"
She skipped away without turning back, and I was left staring after her aura of radiant happiness trailing behind her.
No. No.
My heart pounded in my ears and my head, thudding so loud that it almost sounded like a horse was repeatedly stamping on my head. I am not going through another one of those experiments, let alone six. I wouldn't be able to go through another set of her sparkling eyes filled with insanity and her grin. Really, I didn't want to see her again. Ever.
Wincing as my legs complained, I pulled myself up again. The world spun dizzyingly as I stumbled down the remaining steps and staggered through to the table, where I leaned on momentarily to catch my breaths.
I could see the door, I could see it. If I go through it, then I'd be free, right? I'd be free from Hanji's experiments and the chains on my bed and everything. Maybe I can go back to my mum. Maybe Armin was there too.
And maybe Levi, too.
I leave the support of the table and make myself stagger all the way to the door, and I leaned against the comforting wood, trying to turn the key already in the lock with trembling, sweaty hands.
It turned with a click, and I fell right through, landing on the cold stone ground outside.
The door shut tightly behind me, and I heard it lock back. The world was dark, and empty, and the cold reached me even through my searing hot mind.
I was alone.