I am feeling so much more productive fanfiction-wise this summer! :D If you didn't already see, a new chapter of Emblem Star was uploaded last night, and the next should be out this week! :D So please enjoy this awesomely random chapter! And thanks to all of you who have liked our Facebook page! :)
Pergjithshme asked: "what's the country song?" Answer: It's a song Montana wrote.
Anonymous asked: "Will there be the lyrics for the country song?" Answer: Someday, hopefully yes. The last line is sung in this chapter, but that doesn't even begin to cover it :D
And thanks to Count Mallet for always placing a "You know you're reading ANSNW when..." in your reviews, they just make what I write seem more humorous to me! XDDD
A Not-So-Normal Week 4
Chapter 10: Seeing Crispy
"Hey, dude, gimme your glasses, I needz to see crispy." The man speaking reached for one of the judges' glasses and put them on his face.
"Yo, dawg, gimme back my fly glasses," the judge in question exclaimed, trying to get them back.
"Nuuuu, needz tu see crispy!"
"DAWG."
"I am not a dog. I am..." his voice became dramatic, "BRYAN SEECRISP! ! ! ! ! !"
Bryan Seecrisp, the host of Galaxy Idol, was in the room with the three judges- Candy Macson, Barbie Pez, and Curious Steve the talking orangutan.
"Yo, Bryan," Candy said, still wanting to get his glasses back.
Bryan pursed his lips and ignored Candy.
A random security guard walked into the room. "Uhhhh… guys… the people are kinda waiting outside… y'know, for the auditions that are supposed to be today?"
"Oh, right," Candy said. "Let the first one come in." He grabbed his glasses from Bryan.
Bryan looked like he was going to cry.
"You guys," Barbie said, laughing at them.
Curious Steve had a straight face and looked bored.
"Who is first? I will teach them to see crispy!" Bryan declared.
The door burst open and Barriss ran into the room. "OH MY GOSH I HAVE WAITED MY ENTIRE LIFE TO MEET ALL OF YOU I JUST TOTALLY ADORE ALL YOUR DRAMA AND JUDGING... STUFF! ! ! ! ! !"
"Aw, thank you, baby," said Barbie. "What's your name?"
Barriss looked like she was about to explode she was so overjoyed. "Barriss! ! ! !"
"And what are you going to sing for us today, Barriss?"
The wild grin on Barriss's face looked like she was stretching her face with rubber bands. "A SONG! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"
"What song?"
"A song about Galaxy Idol! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !" Barriss's eyes filled with stars and widened.
"But what's the name of the song," Barbie asked, looking at Barriss.
"Don't you guys know it? It's your theme song! ! !" Barriss began to hum the Galaxy Idol theme song. With vigor.
Everyone remained silent and stared at Barriss as she hummed.
"Wooooowwww… I need to go somewhere else… I'm not seeing crispy…" Bryan murmured.
Barriss finished even more dramatically than she started.
Candy blinked. "….Wow, uh… ok…"
Curious Steve stared with a straight face.
"So did I get on? Did I did I did I?" Barriss exclaimed, jumping up and down.
"Uh, I don't think it's quite what we're looking for," said Candy.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, sweetheart," Barbie added.
The stars in Barriss's eyes broke like glass and crumbled to the ground like they were in some sort of cartoon. Then she fainted.
Curious Steve stared. "… She faints nicely."
"Not now, Steve," Barbie mumbled with a sigh.
"That was totally not crispy," said Bryan. "Someone drag her outta here!"
Security guards came and dragged Barriss away.
"Next," said Candy.
Anakin walked into the room. "Awwwwwwww! ! ! You has monkey!" He stared at Curious Steve in awe.
"ORANGUTAN, MAN," Curious Steve shouted.
Anakin's eyes grew and he stared at Curious Steve in shock for five minutes. "… Hi orangutan!"
"Welcome to the auditions, are you seeing crispy today?" Bryan asked him.
"Oh, yes, I always see crisps! I love crisps," Anakin remarked.
"So, what's your name, dawg," asked Candy.
"Oh, I am not a dog, Cherry is a dog. A fluffy puppy!"
"Ok, dude, what's your name?" Candy asked again.
Anakin gasped. "You don't know my name?"
"No."
"I'm only like, the most famous Jedi in the galaxy!"
"Just tell us your name," said Curious Steve.
Anakin beamed. "Anakin Skywalker!"
"And what are you gonna sing?"
"The Country Song!" Anakin declared.
"Never heard that one… go ahead."
Anakin began to sing the Country Song, exactly the way Montana had taught him. Everyone was silent as he sang.
"So now our song comes to and end, so I hope y'all enjoyyyyyeeeeddd…" Anakin sang, and then finished dramatically, "the country song! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"
Everyone remained silent. Anakin folded his hands and rocked back and forth on his feet while waiting.
"Well… that was… interesting…" Candy started, barely able to actually speak.
Barbie burst out laughing. "I'm sorry, baby, don't mind me." She covered her face and continued to laugh.
"Did you like it?" Anakin asked excitedly.
"I don't think you're ready yet, man. Sorry," said Curious Steve.
"Well you should hear Montana sing it, because she wrote it. But she said she 'didn't need no judges' to judge her singing," Anakin said, as if they actually cared.
"Uhhh…."
"I will just go with her to sing the country song with her huge extended family on The South."
Candy was silent. "…... I say no."
Barbie was still laughing. "Sorry, no."
"No," Curious Steve mumbled with another bored straight face.
"Well, have fun with your monkey!" Anakin said cheerily, and he skipped out of the room.
"Orangutan."
Anakin skipped back to the main room where everyone else was. "You're next, Cherry!"
Cherry was nervous. "Ok…"
"Go on!" Anakin shoved her into the room.
Cherry stumbled into the room and everyone looked over.
"Welcome to the auditions, are you seeing crispy?" Bryan asked.
"W-what?"
"I always see crisp," Bryan stated, looking cool.
"Uhm…" Cherry was still kind of confused and also nervous.
"Ok whatever," Bryan mumbled.
"What's your name, sweetheart?" Barbie asked.
"Cherry…"
"And what are you going to sing for us today?"
"Umm…" Cherry decided on a song and, after they gave her the okay to start, sang beautifully for about twenty seconds.
"Wow," Barbie said in awe.
"That was smokin'," said Curious Steve. "I dunno about you guys but I say yes."
"Yes for me!" Barbie agreed.
"You made it, you're going to Jollygood!" Candy exclaimed. Jollygood was the city in which the actual Galaxy Idol show would take place, on a distant planet where movie stars live.
"Seriously?" Cherry cried, barely believing her ears.
"Now that is seeing crispy!" Bryan declared.
After another minute, Cherry ran out of the room with a piece of paper which said that she made it.
"You made it! ! !" Tommy cried, running over to her.
"I know! !" Cherry could not contain her excitement.
Anakin had his jaw on the ground in awe and elation. "CHERRY'S GONNA BE ON TV! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"
At that moment, Ian walked over with Lux.
Ahsoka was about to congratulate Cherry when she spotted them. "Everybody move quickly and whatever you do, don't look back!" She began to speed-walk away.
"Why?" Anakin asked, and he looked back. "It's Mr. Buff Guy and Lux! HI MR. BUFF GUY AND LUX!"
Ahsoka nearly died.
"You?" Cherry cried.
"Ah, so that's the girl, hm?" Lux asked, looking at Cherry.
Cherry growled at Lux, not yet forgetting the bout in the ice cream shop.
"I've never seen her before," said Lux.
Cherry glared at him, looking about ready to destroy him.
"I thought we got rid of you two," Ahsoka said to them through gritted teeth.
"Well excuse us if we're trying out for Galaxy Idol and happened to bump into you," said Ian.
"Any particular reason you're together?" Ahsoka pressed, suspicious.
"There's no law against two guys going somewhere together," Ian stated.
Ahsoka raised an eyebrow. "Uh huh. And you just happened to find us here. Coincidence? Maybe. But I'm suspicious. Mostly for the fact that I just don't like either of you."
"That's not our fault, princess."
"Is it? Well. We were just leaving. C'mon, Cherry." She grabbed Cherry's arm and began to walk away.
Cherry still looked like she wanted to destroy Lux. Tommy was hiding behind a plant.
"Wait, Ahsoka, come back!" Lux called.
Ian wanted to call after Cherry, but he didn't actually know her name.
Ahsoka continued to drag Cherry away.
…
Yoda had decided to go to the hair salon with his corndog kid. They walked together and stopped at a muffin and ice cream stand to get soy milk muffin ice cream with dried peaches, prunes, pureed spinach, oatmeal, and a dash of weight-loss protein. Y'know, to stay nutritious.
"Best days ever as human I have been," Yoda said to his corndog kid as their walked to the hair salon.
"That's nice, Grandpa! Do I have a name?" The corndog kid looked up at him with its little beady eyes.
"Named, you aren't. Name you, I will." Yoda fell into deep thought and licked his ice cream which was in a wheat germ cone. "Bernie. Named you are, Bernie."
"Ok!" exclaimed Bernie, and they continued to walk along.
After Yoda spent three hours at the hair salon getting a giant white afro, he and Bernie went back to the Jedi Temple and were met by Kit, who was going home after a lovely evening stroll.
"Good day, sir!" Kit said happily, waving at Yoda and Bernie.
"Kit, hi. Like your boots, I do. Borrow them for party tomorrow, can I?"
Kit fell silent. "Yoda…?"
"Yoda, I am. Bernie, this is. Ask that, why do you?" Yoda stopped and looked up at Kit.
"You look… different…. Did you get a haircut?"
"Did, yes I. Like, do you?" Yoda smoothed his wrinkly hand over his new white afro.
"It's really… you…" Kit said, still not being able to figure out why Yoda looked so strange.
"You, thank. Bernie, come," Yoda said, and continued walking away with Bernie.
Kit stared as they walked away and decided not to even ask who Bernie was. He walked all the way back to his quarters, opened the door, and was met by utter chaos.
"KIT. HELP ME." Flint was standing in the middle of a gigantic pile of everything peach flavored, scented, and shaped. All twenty-two monkeys were parading around the room on a sugar high, licking lollypops and jumping on peach pillow pies.
There wasn't a single fresh peach to be found in the room.
"Flint…? What happened?" Kit exclaimed, digging through a stack of purple peach paintings.
"Well… first it was the peach pies, then the peach taffy, then the peach cupcakes and then there was the pretty peach puffs, and prudent peach peppers, and Peter Popper's pickled peach pecks, and peach plum pachyderms, proud peach parachutes, pink pasty peach parakeets-!" Flint collapsed on the ground from exhaustion.
"Flint! Are you ok?" Kit asked.
"Oh the palpable persistent pain…!" Flint moaned.
The monkeys continued to run circles around the room, having the time of their lives.
Kit stood up from where he had knelt down beside Flint and began to frown. He watched the monkeys for a moment before shouting, "Jimmy! Rutha! Sebastian! Iggy! Ziggy! Fifi! Lulu! Jessie! Georgio! Pete! Harry! Freddie! Bobby! Ned! Arthur! Larry! Eddie! Walter! Quincy! Denny! Oliver! Penny!"
The monkeys stopped running one by one respectively as their names were called, and looked up at Kit.
"What is the meaning of this?" he exclaimed, gesturing to the giant pile of peach items.
There was silence for about two seconds before all the monkeys began screeching and arguing and explaining all at once, each blaming someone else. It was a complete mess.
"QUIET! ONE at a TIME!" Kit cried, exasperated. The monkeys fell quiet again. "Someone just please tell me what happened! I can't understand anything with all of you yapping!"
Larry came forward and began to explain in clear, understandable Monkey language that Flint bought all of the peach stuff for them.
"Flint," Kit said, looking at his collapsed cousin, "I thought you went to buy fresh peaches! And haven't I told you not to buy my monkeys anything with sugar as the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, or last ingredient?"
"P-p-positively… peach parfaits…" Flint mumbled, still flat on the ground.
"That's the last time I send my monkeys with you!" Kit declared, beginning to push the peach pile out of the room and down the hallway. The monkeys skipped after him to try and salvage as many of the treats as they could.
"Peachy…" Flint managed to mutter, right before he passed out.
…
After his quarters had been destroyed, Obi-Wan knew that it was time for an extreme makeover. So, with Satine as his design advisor and Sally as his assistant giraffe, he marched up to the entrance to H.O.M.E.- Have One More Escalator.
"Ok, ok," Obi-Wan said excitedly, "roll the camera, Ki-Adi!"
Ki-Adi gave him a thumbs up and pressed record on the dinky, cheap video camera that he saved for filming the skydiving moles on Independence Day. However, since this was a special occasion, he was willing to utilize his technology.
"Hello and welcome to 'My Overly Long Exaggerated Makeover For My Home!' Or as we call it for short, MOLEMFMH." Obi-Wan adjusted his bright green and pink polka dotted tie and grinned at the camera. "We're here at Have One More Escalator to plan out our plan for planning the plan of the plan! That is, decorating and refurnishing my lovely home!"
Sally stamped her hoof on the ground and nudged Obi-Wan's arm.
"Oh, you're most certainly right, Sally!" Obi-Wan agreed. "Sally has reminded me that I should explain to you why this store is called Have One More Escalator. It is called that because it is sixty-five hundred floors high and they have a billion gazillion floors and they need one more escalator, so they tell us that we can have them!" He beamed, proud of his answer.
Satine stared at the measly, one floored building that was in front of her. "Sixty-five hundred floors, eh?"
"Oh yes! Come with me, please." Obi-Wan walked up to the door and waited for it to open. They waited there for twenty minutes.
"Honey… you gonna open the door…?" Satine asked, looking at him a bit awkwardly.
"It's an automatic door," Obi-Wan replied, waiting patiently.
They waited for another twenty minutes, and nothing happened.
Obi-Wan stared at the door, and at the little word "pull" next to the handle. He had no idea what language that was, so he just opened the door with the Force. "See, automatic."
They walked inside the little grey building, and inside, it became a majestic wonderland. The ceiling of the first floor alone was larger than the building looked outside, and a open, vortex-like tube in the middle of the room had escalators going up, and up, and up- all the way to the sixty-five hundredth floor.
"Dude," Satine breathed, staring with wide eyes.
"Alrighty, my lovely coworkers!" said Obi-Wan, plucking a short paint roller off of a rack and using it as a microphone. "Our first stop is the paint department, to find out which stunning colors we will be adorning our living space with." He walked over to the rainbow-like section of the store which had every paint color imaginable represented on short stubs of colored paper.
Aayla happened to be there too. "Man, I have all these! I want to find a new one for my crayon collection!"
Obi-Wan walked over to her. "Hello, Aayla! What are you doing?"
"I am looking for a new color for my crayon collection!" Aayla declared. "And I'm sure YOU came to steal my new crayons, DIDN'T YOU?"
"No, no, I didn't, honest!" Obi-Wan held up his hands defensively. "But… Aayla, these are paint colors… not crayons."
"Don't you READ signs, dude?" Aayla pointed forcefully to a sign that read 'Any of these wonderful paint colors can be purchased in crayon form for all you crayon obsessed people!'
"Oh." Obi-Wan read the sign. "Well, enjoy your day!"
"I certainly WILL once I can't see YOU anymore!"
"Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed?" Obi-Wan asked her.
"I ALWAYS GET UP ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE BED!" Aayla screamed.
"…That explains a lot, actually," Obi-Wan muttered. "Good day!" He walked back to Satine, Sally, and Ki-Adi. "Ok, design advisor! What do you suggest?" he asked Satine.
Satine began to walk around contemplated through the aisles of rainbow paper stubs. Obi-Wan followed her elatedly, and Ki-Adi continued filming. Sally wandered off to look at the printed rugs.
After hours of searching, Satine and Obi-Wan finally narrowed their decision down to three colors; ugly road grey, over accentuated neon puke, and depressingly boring blue.
Obi-Wan paged back and forth between the colors. "I have made my decision," he announced, and everyone listened intently. "Peach!"
"Um… Obi Dear, I thought you specifically threw the peach color sheet on the ground in disgust," Satine said to him.
"I have never done such a thing," Obi-Wan stated. "Twenty buckets of paint, in lovely peach hue!"
After loading paint into a shopping cart, the group went up several floors to the drapery and carpeting section. Obi-Wan goggled at the vast selection of curtains in every shade, type, and material. There were sparkly purple ones, drab brownish ones, and ones made of red-dyed rancor skin. There were short ones and long ones and ones that were meant to hang on rocks.
But it didn't take him long to find the ones he wanted. "OOOOH! My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic curtains!"
"You're really gonna go with that…?" Satine asked, watching Obi-Wan smooth his fingers over the patterned material.
"Yes! It has Pinkie Pie on it!"
"…..Ok…."
That being done, they went up one more floor to the carpet.
"Now, what sort of carpet would go well with peach," Satine said, mostly to herself, as they looked around.
"Deary, we don't want a color that matches," Obi-Wan stated. He picked out a totally wild bright green carpet in a long, fluffy style. "Like this one!"
Satine rolled her eyes a bit but moved on.
They got on yet another long escalator. Obi-Wan turned to Ki-Adi's camera. "Now we go up a billion feet to the furniture level! We will find so much awesome stuff to decorate my quarters with, it will just be lovely!"
After many, many more long minutes in the furniture section, Obi-Wan managed to decide on a purple couch, a mismatch of rainbow colored chairs, a black table, a couple maroon easy chairs, a little old-fashioned box TV, a kangaroo pillow, several paintings of candy canes and fairies, and a manly men stereo system complete with a CD of classical music.
"There's only one thing missing," Obi-Wan said as they rolled fifteen carts into the check out line.
"And what's that?" Satine asked, lugging the cart with the couch in it behind her.
"A sign that says OBI-WAN'S MAN CAVE."
Satine rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you can make one with some paper and a marker."
"Good idea."
And after spending another couple hours checking out and loading everything into Ki-Adi's bulldozer, they went home and began the redecorating process.
That concludes chapter 10 of A Not-So-Normal Week 4! Review, ask questions, like our Facebook page, and if you want- even leave a suggestion for future chapters ;) ~Bluesaber3