My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head

Nine

Shikaku / Shikamaru

Shikaku:

I returned to my office by noon and left it again half an hour later. Past the faded green bridge that connected the Hokage Tower to the west wing of the military compound, everything was made of metal. The walls, the doors, and the miniscule bumps on the corners that contained seals to deactivate any shape-shifting ninjutsu, evoked the feeling of imprisonment. The chill that raced up and down the length of my arms, however, didn't come from the hostility of the corridors' ambiance.

I twisted the doorknob and let myself into Laboratory 5F. The shinobis at work turned to look at me, their hands in mid-air as they paused from their respective tasks. The last person to lift her head was Sanae. She moved only after she finished reading the report she held at a distance from her face and dropped it on a stack of papers on the floor.

Opening the door wider, I told everybody to leave the room immediately. Sanae's underlings turned to her in question, and when she merely stared back at me, I yelled for them to exit the room in three seconds.

They were gone in two.

Sanae slipped her gloves off and sat on the edge of the table, legs crossed. Her fringe hid the scar above her eyebrow that I'd caused in one of our bouts. She'd been proud of showing off my handiwork before. Why she hid it now struck me as suspicious behavior.

"If this interruption is anything less than threat of an invasion, Shikaku, I'm accusing you of – "

I locked the door. "You touched my son."

She lowered her hands to her lap. "How did you find out? Is he pregnant? I'm sure I recommended a morning-after pill."

"You touched my son, Sanae."

"Oh, relax, Shikaku! I wasn't his first."

I inhaled, and when I released it through gritted teeth, I was on top of her with my hand on her neck. I pushed her head into the sink. She spread her arms across the table and gripped whatever objects her hands found. Saliva spilled from the corners of her mouth to her cheekbones. She struggled beneath my weight. I extended my shadows to her thighs to restrain her. More gagging. More kicking. Less breathing. When her squirming weakened, I loosened my fingers on her throat and retracted my shadow from around her limbs.

Sanae lifted herself by her elbows. I lowered myself to her abdomen and encircled her head with my hands, my thumb caressing her cheeks. "Your next move against my family will be your last activity in the world of the living. Do you understand, woman?"

"Und – " gasping for breath " – derstood. Understood, sir."

"Did you tell him about Aiko?"

"No. I'd never do that to you, Shikaku."

"Good. Because if you did, I'd forget you were Aiko's friend and I'd decapitate you here and now."

She trembled as she laughed. "You-you know what's going to k-kill you, Shikaku? You have no ears. You don't know how to listen. Y-you were actually going to strangle me to death, weren't-weren't you?"

"You thought this was a joke to me?"

She stretched her neck and rubbed the tip of her nose against mine. "Someday soon, Shikaku, your son is going to be targeted for what he keeps in his brain. And you're going to come crawling to me for help to save him."

The door squeaked behind us. Sanae glimpsed the person from over my shoulder. "Your friend has come to fetch you. It's time to get off me, old man. Or I'd start to think you're jealous of what your son got from me."

"Shikaku," called Inoichi. "Take a hold of yourself! Release Sanae!"

I stared at my reflection in her eyes. Green the color of poison. I waited for her to confess agenda for seducing my son, to give me a reason apart from motives related to the rebirth case, to blame me again for Aiko's death, but she merely smiled at me.

Shikamaru:

Her hair was coiled in a ponytail, and she wore a white bandana to keep her bangs off her face. There wasn't much to talk about. While I overturned tables and wiped them clean, she swept the floor and opened windows.

Half-done with the living room, she asked why I had stopped coming here.

I paused from hauling the bookshelf to catch my breath. "I'm not really sure about that. I guess after grandpa died, it just became too lonely for dad to return to this place, more so bring his family along."

"Do you need help with that?"

"Nah, I can move this myself," I said. "It's not that heavy."

"Maybe I'm still tired, 'cause I find all your wooden furniture extremely heavy." She tugged down her bandana and mopped her face with it.

I turned my head away to hide a sigh. The day was just beginning, and I already felt like noodles. Noodles. Naruto would have had no problem lifting these things.

"Would you mind if I ask what your grandfather was like?" Sakura glimpsed me while she slipped the curtains off the rod.

"I never told you about him?"

"I wouldn't be asking."

"You might have forgotten."

She sat on the floor, handling the curtains quietly. There was a slight snap to her movements. "You never tell me about yourself," she muttered. "You always have me figure things out. I won't mind if you answer once in a while. I rarely ask, anyway."

Ryo was like that.

I dabbed my hands on my shirt and sat opposite her. She slowed her movements, conscious of me.

Perhaps Ryo was the kind of man who avoided talking about himself any way he could. Would it be out of character to open up, or would it help earn her trust?

I cupped my face and rested my elbow on my knee. "What do you want to know about grandpa?"

She poked the windowpane with the rod to widen the gap and allow the air to enter. "What was his name?"

Ryo never told her anything, and they never returned to their villages. There was no way Kana would have found out, unless she was in contact with any of Ryo's relatives, which I doubted. A girl as submissive as her would not do such a thing behind her husband's back, so Sakura couldn't be testing me right now. I would tell her the truth, and she would believe me.

"Michio," I said. "It means 'man with the strength of three thousand'."

She folded the curtains on her lap.

"What?" I said.

"Nothing."

"You're smiling. That's not nothing."

She burst into giggles. "It's…that name's beautiful. I like that name. Was he as brutal as his name implies?"

I took six from the mount of orange curtains and folded them so she would not notice me calculating her answers. "He's a lot stronger than dad, and he was the best in the Intelligence Division. In fact, he was the one who helped Ino's family develop the mind infiltration technique, so more than one can access the brain at the same time. He bullies dad to be as great as he was, and he often took away my toys to force me to study harder, but nothing worked. They were always arguing, always on opposite poles…mom would cover my ears as we run from the house and into the forest. Whenever I'd ask why they hated each other, she would tell me, 'no, they don't hate each other, Shikamaru. Father and son fight, it can't be helped, but it's because they love each other so much they don't want either to get hurt.' But then she would embrace me and cry and I would be as confused as hell. I only acknowledged her excuse as the truth when grandpa died and father locked himself up in this house for a week."

"…Do you miss him?"

"Maybe."

"Is it okay to ask what you remember most about him?"

I peered at her fists – at her fingers clasping the fabric. It could be that if Ryo did tell her stories, he got pissed when she probed some more.

"Hmm…gramps was rarely happy with me…" I jolted at my sudden recollection, and then winced. "There is one thing: whenever I am left alone with him, he sits me down and tells me that I am the first born son, and I will carry the Nara name, so I better become an excellent shinobi and make good choices. He…he lectured me on the importance of listening to my father."

"Shikaku seems to be very proud of you," Sakura cooed. "I bet if Grandpa Michio is alive, he'd be happy with you now."

I couldn't help but sneer. "I hope so. Thanks. How about you?"

"I never met any of my grandparents," She said. "Mom's parents died when she was ten, and dad's died before I was born."

Was I speaking to Kana or to Sakura? Better find out. Best be careful. "Has your family always lived in this village?"

She brushed her stray locks behind her ear. "In Konoha?"

I nodded.

"My great-grandparents moved here during the reign of the second Hokage," she said.

Kana was from the Hidden-Lock village. She was still Sakura, I thought. I lay on the floor and stretched. I was so much more relieved than I expected to be. There was no telling how I could handle her morphing into Kana so early in this mission.

"Tired, Shikamaru?"

"A bit. I'll go check the other rooms, 'kay?"

As the day went on, Sakura proved to be more responsible and adequate than I expected. We finished cleaning the second floor of the house so swiftly, partly because I was excellent at hiding dirt, and partly because of her stamina. The sorting and classifying of the scrolls attributed solely to my determination to avoid repeating this boring task the following day.

Surprise, surprise. Grandpa's ridicules pertaining to my laziness were seeping into my ears, beating my conscience. The best I could do to drive him out was to hum grandma's favorite lullaby.

It worked.

Our conversations drifted to Naruto and the disturbing odor of his apartment, to her medical practice, and to my contributions to the new defense tactics of Konoha. Sakura and I were on separate rooms when she asked what I wanted to eat. That was the only time it occurred to me how loudly my stomach was growling. It was past three o'clock.

"Um, what I usually take!"

Her footsteps sounded on the hall. Soon, she was standing on the doorway, cradling a box on either arm. "There are no seafood in the fridge. Will beef do?"

Mental note: Ryo usually ate seafood. I could tolerate that.

"It's fine." I flattened the rag so she would not see the mass of dirt underneath.

At four o'clock, we were on the dining table, eating food that was not just edible, but actually tasty. I slowed down, suddenly, despite my hunger. The beef reminded me of Choji. I bet he was talking to the Hokage now, asking of ways he could help me. He was always like that, willing to sacrifice all he had for the friends he considered precious to him. The rice, on the other hand, reminded me of Ino. She never ate rice because Sakura always called her fat.

After eating, I washed the dishes, and we returned to working on breaking the seals of the scrolls.

We had gone quiet then, perhaps tired with all the work we accomplished and the chakra we spent. Every time she would roll her shoulders back and groan, I would tell her to stop and rest. My nagging eventually fueled her temper, and she finally asked the cause of my underestimating her. I lied about the instability of the seals placed around the scrolls, even adding that Inoichi was hesitant to send that bunch to us.

Sakura spent the next five hours outside the house, performing all necessary measures to ensure no scroll would explode upon the seal's release.

In those hours, I hid inside grandpa's library, where I scanned the shelves for any deciphering books. This was supposed to be the stock room, but grandpa saw no reason to keep unused belongings, so he threw them all away without grandma's knowledge and built his empire of books here. Their scuffles here were famous tales in our clan.

One time, grandma attempted to burn the whole room down.

I was too intent on keeping my mind off the rebirth jutsu that I only noticed it was evening when the words on the pages were barely visible.

Darkness immersed the entire library.

I walked out, rubbing my eyes, bullying myself to stay awake, but it was no use. I desperately wanted to sleep.

"Sakura?" I yelled. It took me several moments to link those two consecutive thoughts to the prospect I had been avoiding all day.

I was sleepy. I was searching for Sakura.

Shit.

The front door was in view. I could pretend to take a walk and hope that she was already lethargic, if not unconscious, when I came back. I would rest in the other room, and sneak inside hers come morning. Certainly, she would be too tired to mind me.

"Shikamaru!" she responded from the second floor. "I put your bag in our room!"

There was a crash, a gasp, and an awkward pause. I dashed upstairs and nearly slipped as I grabbed the doorframe of the only lit room.

Sakura stuck her tongue out apologetically and rubbed her nape. "I was transferring your things when this box fell."

"I-It's okay, you don't have to fix my things. I can do that myself. You're tired, Sakura." I removed my socks, wheezing, and saw the rubber bands scattered everywhere. Panic coursed in my bloodstream. Mother would be furious if I lost one of those. I swept them into the box, counting each one as I did so.

She grazed her thumb over the cover of the wooden box. "It has your name engraved on it."

"Ninety-nine -" I touched the band around my hair. " - One hundred."

"Why are you counting them?"

"Mother made me a hundred of these." I put it back inside my bag. "It's for good fortune – a tradition in the Nara clan. Mothers are supposed to make their first born sons a hundred of the rubber bands made on a specific fiber found in our forest."

"It seems there's still so much I don't know about you, Shikamaru." Sakura sat on the bed and tucked her legs beneath her, lost in her loneliness.

Her demeanor had grown softer now. I guess it would be safe to presume her relationship with Ryo wasn't so pleasant. It could be that they found comfort and belongingness in each other's company during the time they doubted Takeo's program, explaining why they got married at nineteen. If she was furtively upset by Ryo's secretive nature, then I had no choice but open myself to her.

I had no choice but to do this anyway.

Sitting beside her, I took her hand and slipped Kana's wedding ring on her finger.

Sakura's face flushed a disturbing color of red, and I didn't know whether the jutsu was affecting her or the gesture simply flattered her.

"I demanded it back," I said.

"It's as good as new…" She brought her fist to her face in order to examine it. She asked for mine.

I gave her the ring, and then my hand, and let her slip it on me.

Inside my chest, my heart did multiple shadow clone jutsus that swamped my head. The ring was colder than snow on my tongue, and her hands were hotter than Asuma's cigarette smoke in my eyes.

This was something I had never imagined of doing at this age. Wedding rings at sixteen, pretending to be married because of a two-second mistake. This was beyond the normal life I had always dreamt of.

Her joy was not hers. This lie was the last thing she deserved.

I could tell her the truth now, and maybe find another way around this. We could fix this without having to fool her and without having to scare me. I didn't have to give in to her, and she didn't have to believe me.

"Sakura."

She kept smiling at her ring. "Yeah?"

"Listen, there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"I thought so. You've been acting strange all day."

I couldn't look her in the eyes anymore. "Do you…remember? Anything from the time Ryo knocked you unconscious in the cave to the time I rescued you?"

"Nothing much. Why?" She put her hand on my chest when I didn't respond. "Shikamaru, if there's anything on your mind that-"

"If that man touched you." I clutched her fingers to keep her connected to me. To remind myself that this time, she was physically safe by my side. "If that bastard touched you, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

"He didn't."

I raised my head.

Sakura pried her fingers from mine. She embraced herself. "I can retain a sensual awareness of my environment even after I'm knocked unconscious. So I'm not totally unconscious. It's more of a paralysis of the will. If he'd come anywhere near me with his dick, I'd have woken up immediately to kick his ass."

"This is no joke to me, Sakura."

"Okay, I wouldn't have been able to wake up," she said, rolling her eyes. "The point of it was to stay in the know of what's happening while I'm paralyzed. I wouldn't have been able to stop him but I'd have known. The last thing I felt was water beneath my body before something just cut me off completely. Now stop looking like you've offered me on a platter to some S-class scum! Really, Shikamaru, you tear yourself down for the silliest matters! I'm fine!"

Water beneath her? The pond? Unless Ryo prioritized his sex drive above the rebirth, he wouldn't have raped her on the pond. It might've also affected the rebirth's outcome negatively. Any matter from his body transferred to hers would've resulted to something. Anything. Simply because whatever came from him wouldn't have been a natural component of her body.

He couldn't have. There would have been no point to stripping the women naked in a pond for the rebirth. Somehow, rape before a ceremony so sensitive and unstable felt wrong.

I threw myself on the bed and put my arm over my eyes.

Sakura poked my side. "I'm sorry for making you worry."

"Don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault."

"Sleepy? I am."

"I take the left side of the bed, okay?"

"There's a mattress in the other room. I'm sure you can bring it here yourself. I cleaned the floor. Don't stay up late." She spread the blanket over her legs and kicked me off the bed.

I let the shock subside before I dragged the mattress into our room. The light had long been switched off, and she had long drifted into her dreams.

Until past midnight, I could not put order into my thoughts.

I should be profusely relieved that we didn't sleep in one bed. Staying in one room was not a problem at the least. I could watch and care for Sakura in this proximity without provoking Lady Tsunade's temper or worrying Shikaku.

Yes, I would be more comfortable this way.

Yes, yes, yes…but something was not right here. Married people, as far as I knew, slept on the same bed. Yet, Sakura did not even consider the idea. Could it be that a part of her recognized me only as a friend? Impossible! She was too exhilarated with the wedding rings.

The more rational idea would be that she was this way with Ryo.

He was always absent, and she was used to sleeping alone.

That would be an utter contrast to how mom behaved whenever Shikaku came home from a mission. She would stare at him while he ate and never let go of his hand to the point that she annoyed even me.

Were Kana and Ryo really married, or was this another ploy they wanted us to believe?

I lit a candle and burned a piece of Harini, the yellow leaf that we fed our deer to calm them during storms. Grandpa did this to make me sleep. The aroma from the leaf, he said, had a natural component that induced drowsiness.

I spent my last ounces of energy seated on the floor beside her bed, my face pressed against the mattress, my fingers clinging to the hem of her blouse. The smooth fabric evoked memories of pulling her out of the pond and feeling for her pulse. A swirl of questions confused the images of the rebirth ceremony. How many miles had been the hideout from the inn where my team stayed during the mission? How many seconds did the seizure last? How much chakra had I expended in battle?

What was Ino doing in Konoha when I thought I was going to die?

Finally, I fell asleep. I dreamt. In my dreams, it was not Sakura who sat beside me on the bed, wearing the wedding ring.

I could not see the girl's face, only her long, blonde hair.

When she put her hands on my cheeks, I felt myself smile. I said, 'Ino.'