Title: Bearing Blue

Chapter 10: In Full Bloom

I couldn't bring myself to eat the meal Soujirou made for me. Instead, I sat in the bedroom, nursing a cup of warm sake as I waited hours for him to come back home.

'What if this is the night…' I thought with each sip of the bitter liquid. 'What if he never comes?'

I'd changed out of the training clothes from that morning and into one of the sleeping yukata Soujirou had bought me. I convinced myself I could still smell his scent on it, and savored its soft feel on my skin.

'Come home already, you bastard!' I thought, grinding my teeth together in a most unladylike fashion.

As soon as I heard the front gate bell jangling, I leapt to my feet. The sake had made me a little dizzy, but I managed to steady myself against a chest of drawers. In the hall, I could hear Soujirou opening and closing the closet, and then the soft clicking of a lamp being lit.

I'd never been awake to see Soujirou come in from work before, and an uneasy feeling settled in my stomach. Instead of calling out to him, I slipped into the hallway, barefoot and as quiet as possible.

Why am I tiptoeing around in my own house? I asked myself, but knew very well. Deep down, I was scared. Scared of what he might say. Or rather…what he wouldn't say.

But the sake warmed my belly, and loosened me up enough to keep walking. Soujirou wasn't in the hall anymore, but I could see the glow of escaping the bathroom. That should have been my clue to stop and go back to the bedroom, but instead I stayed, leaning up against the wooden doorframe.

I waited to hear clothes shuffling or the gentle splashing of water, but there was nothing.

When I finally slid open the shoji a few inches, and fought to restrain a gasp.

Blood.

Everywhere.

I'd never seen so much of it all at once, and all over one man.

Soujirou was crouched on the floor, staring into the warm bath water, drenched in blood. For some reason, despite knowing what he did for a living, I'd never imagined that Soujirou would ever come home in such a state.

It took everything in me not to burst in and see if he was all right. When Soujirou finally moved, relief washed over me. His slim hand pushed against the wall, leaving a sticky red smear, and he muttered a curse. It felt wrong to be so voyeuristic, but I couldn't tear my gaze away. He must have been really out of it, I thought, not to sense me so close.

"Kaoru."

The thought came too soon.

I tensed up completely, but Soujirou remained in his crouched position, leaning on the wall. His gaze slid right to the door, and though I knew he couldn't see me in the dark, it felt as though he was staring right through me.

"Kaoru, go back to sleep." He was firm, but I wasn't about to let him boss me around. No man had ever managed to get away with that.

"That blood…" I slid the door open farther and stepped in. All at once, the sharp, metallic scent filled my nostrils, and I felt woozy. The smell, coupled with all the alcohol in my belly made it hard for me to think straight.

Soujirou's lips twitched up into a solemn smile and he chuckled.

"It's not mine." He let his hand slide down the wall, and slumped down into a sitting position.

"It never…" he paused as if remembering something. "Almost never is."

The blood followed him down the wall, and I couldn't stop staring at the way it soaked through almost every inch of his clothing. It had to be more than one person, I thought. There was no way one man could bleed so much.

"Are you looking?" Soujirou responded to my silence. "Is this the man you imagined sharing your life with? Starting a family with?"

I trembled, but continued to step forward. Before he could stop me, I bent and stroked my hand across his cheek, wiping away a smear of blood.

"It doesn't matter," I whispered. "Why don't you understand that it doesn't matter?"

"Of course it maters, Kaoru-chan." His smile was strange and forced. "You were the one who was scared of being a good mother, but it was I who should have been scared. What kind of father could I ever be?"

"You're not this person." I kept my hand on Soujirou's cheek and as if ashamed, he leaned away from my touch. I stared into his eyes, and against his pale skin, found them so beautifully blue. It wasn't a lack of affection towards me that kept Soujirou from reaching out. It was guilt.

"You can't stay in these clothes." I changed the subject, and without thinking began to peel back Soujirou's bloodied shirt. It was only when my fingertips grazed his bare chest that I realized what I was doing. It certainly wasn't the time for sinful thoughts, but still, I couldn't keep my mind from wandering. Soujirou, as if sensing this, placed his hand on top of mine.

"I'll be in later," he said softly. "Get some rest."

"I said I'm not going anywhere." I glared at Soujirou and dipped my hand over the lip of the ofuro. Gently I ran it over his pale face, letting the warm water course down and clear the blood from his lips and chin. It took careful, gentle movements, but when I was satisfied, Soujirou's face was clean and his lips deliciously flushed.

"You'd make a wonderful father." I pressed my mouth against his. Soujirou closed his eyes, but didn't kiss back. "Tell me that you don't love me. Tell me that you want me to leave."

Soujirou lifted his arms a little, as if he wanted to wrap them around me, but upon seeing the blood, placed them back down.

There it is again. That silly need for him to save me from himself.

I scoffed and looked around the room, sadly. There was a smear of blood on the doorframe where Soujirou had touched it, and drips on the wet floor.

"I remember when I sewed you up here." I ran my fingertips across the cold floor tiles. "In this very bathroom where you begged me not to let you die. Because you wanted a life with me. Don't you want that anymore? Don't you want…me anymore?"

I bowed my head, but Soujirou wasn't having it. Before I could react, his hands were in my hair and my lips against his. I couldn't help but notice how much he changed when I was in his arms. There was no shield of false smiles - just pure intensity. Something in him had clicked, and I certainly wasn't complaining.

"Souji…"

I whimpered and his tongue was in my mouth, warm and persistent. I was used to the sweet, tender kisses he'd given me occasionally, but nothing like this. Nothing that made my heart race and my body tingle. I'd never read Soujirou as particularly dominant before, but there was definitely nothing weak or simple about the way he kissed me.

"You're theonly thing I want," he panted against my ear. "The only thing."

A year ago, if a man had said something like that to me, I would have laughed, maybe teased him for such a silly line, but the moment the words came out of Soujirou's mouth, I found myself blushing like a schoolgirl. It was what I'd wanted him to hear all along, but now…

"I've never wanted anything as much as I want you." Soujirou moved his lips to a sweet spot against my neck. "In so many ways, I…"

I closed my eyes and sighed out as he nipped at my ear. The sake had made me a little blurry at first, but now I was flushed and hyperaware of every touch.

"I never wanted to hurt you," he finally laid his hands to rest on my hips and pulled me closer. "Today just made me think about my mother and the hold she has on me. I'd convinced myself you'd never be happy."

"Well you've learned now, haven't you? No one decides anything for this woman," I grabbed hold of his lapels and pulled myself into the space between his legs.

"Kaoru-chan—"

"—please, Soujirou…" I pressed his lips to mine for a gentle kiss.

Soujirou observed me carefully through half lidded eyes for a moment, and then slowly pulled away.

"You've been drinking, Kaoru. I can taste it on you," he whispered on my ear. "You should really go to bed."

Soujirou's voice was calm, but I could feel his hands tight around my waist, moving lower as he sat close together.

"I've only had a little," I murmured. It was a lie, but I didn't feel far gone at all.

"Mn," Soujirou made a soft sound in his throat as I began to push the fabric of his gi down his shoulders.

"I want to help you wash your back," I told him.

Though the sake was making me bold, my hands still shook with nerves. Soujirou glanced down and immediately caught sight.

"I don't think you know what you're doing right now…" he seemed uneasy, and I fumed.

"Of course I know what I'm doing!" I snapped at him.

'Oh no… can he really tell?'

Soujirou gave me a strange look. "Kaoru-chan, that's not what I meant. I mean you…"

Soujirou seemed to lose his train of thought once I'd began to plant soft kisses along his collarbone. I could feel one of his hands trailing up my back, slow and warm, and I made sure to keep my own hands working down Soujirou's soiled gi.

"Kaoru I…I can't do this to you," he murmured on my neck.

"You're not doing anything." I pulled the small stool over from the corner and ushered Soujirou to sit.

"Kaoru…" he gave me a conflicted little smile and I reached for a washcloth.

"Just your back," I wet it a little under the water pipe. "It's the least a wife can do for her husband."

I smiled a sweet smile, but Soujirou looked unconvinced.

"I suppose that's fine." His words told me he was uneasy, but still, I could see from awkward way he adjusted his hakama before sitting on the stool that his body wasn't exactly protesting.

Without a word, I filled one of the wooden rinsing bowls with water and used it to rinse away any traces of blood on the floor. Once satisfied, I rolled up the sleeves of my yukata and finally turned back to Soujirou. He sat with his back facing me, staring at the ofuro, awaiting my next move. I'd been so confident before, but all of a sudden, kneeling there with a washcloth in my hand and a half-naked man at my disposal, I wasn't sure how to continue.

'Damn sake.'

I'd glimpsed Soujirou's bare chest once or twice before, but this was different. More raw…more personal. I let my eyes wander the expanse of him – the sun-tanned skin, the lean, muscled arms. He was lithe, yes, but I could see years of training in his limbs. He was beautiful.

But then, there were the scars. There was no mistaking the long, slim cut on his stomach as a sword wound, but the ones on his back – they were different. They weren't nicks and cuts from sharp steel, but old, poorly healed bruises and welts. Scars from beatings and god only knew what else. My shy gaze softened, and I pressed my cheek to the middle of his back.

It was no wonder he was so tied to his stepmother. Who could ever put something like that behind them?

"Kaoru-chan?" Soujirou raised a brow over his shoulder at me. "Are you—

"—I'm fine," I lathered soap on the cloth and drew it slowly over his shoulder blades. Soujirou tensed up at once, and I placed a hand on his thigh to steady him.

"Does it hurt?" I blurted.

"Hurt?" he seemed dazed. "Hn? Ah…no…"

"Oh…" I lowered my voice a little, trying to sound seductive, and leaned in. "Then…does it feel nice?"

Soujirou focused on a spot on the wall in front of him and cleared his throat.

"It's fine," he said, stiffly.

I wrung the cloth in my fists and pouted.

'This bastard really wants me to work for it, doesn't he?'

I steeled my resolve and put down the cloth. Instead, I decided to use my hands – covering them with a thick lather before sweeping them over every inch of Soujirou's exposed skin. As much of a tease as Soujirou was, I was delighted to hear his breathing quicken noticeably.

With a smile, I started to creep my hands forward to his chest. There, I could feel his heart racing, hammering hard against his ribcage. He didn't show it in his face at all, but I knew my touch was getting hard for him to handle.

"I thought you said just the back?" Soujirou caught my hands before I could slide them down his taught stomach.

He craned his neck a little to look at me over his shoulder, and I smiled at seeing the barely-there flush on his cheeks.

"You're a little dirtier than I thought," I leaned in for a kiss and Soujirou didn't resist. In fact, he loosened his grip on my hands completely as we kissed, his palm molded against the back of my neck, holding me steady, even after we'd parted for breath.

"Kaoru-chan…" a little smile teased at his lips. "You have no idea."

He kissed me again and I forgot myself. The rough, desperate feel of his mouth against mine was electrifying, and I found myself groping at his hakama for something to hold on to.

"Sit up a little," I said and was surprised at how smooth my voice sounded. Soujirou seemed startled as well, because he stared dumbly for a minute before speaking.

"Sorry?"

"I…" I took the tie at his waist in both hands and gave a little tug. "You need to sit up a little so…so that…you know…"

I was no longer the smooth, confident vixen. Instead, I was plain old Kaoru, 19 years old and unsure, slightly tipsy and completely aroused by a man who surely knew himself much better than I ever could. I expected Soujirou to throw out a teasing, "you know, what?" But there was nothing of the sort. Instead, he lowered his face to mine and smiled.

"Be gentle," he murmured right into my ear, and tipped his hips forward, off the stool.

My cheeks were bright red as I fumbled with the knot at his waist. I tried to laugh it off, but Soujirou was generous in helping me. With his hands over mine, together, we slid the red stained fabric down and off his legs. I could feel Soujirou watching me intently, but I busied myself filling another bowl with water. Before he could ask me what I was doing, I leaned up and poured it over his head, letting it flow down his legs and wash away any last traces of pink.

"All clean," I smiled proudly, but found I couldn't look Soujirou in the eye. My gaze was drawn lower, to the white cotton of his fundoishi, made transparent by the warm water.

My own yukata had been soaked through, and weighed heavy on my skin. Around the hem and sleeves, it was stained with blood. It was the last trace of the violence, and Soujirou seemed to notice as well.

"You did a great job." His voice was husky, and in my wet yukata, I shivered.

Still warm-faced, I shuffled to my knees and took my place behind Soujirou once more. When my hands found his chest again, his heart was hammering wildly, and I could feel a tension flowing throughout his entire body. It occurred to me then that he was restraining himself. Desperate for more, but enough of a gentleman to let me take my time exploring, getting used to every new sensation.

As quickly as I could, I tore the fabric from my damp skin and pressed myself to his back. Completely bare, I hugged Soujirou tightly; embarrassed but thrilled by the new sensation of my soft breasts pushing into his stiff, warm back.

"I want you," I whispered in Soujirou's ear and at once, he started to turn around in the stool. I, however, managed to keep him still with my hands.

"One more spot," I teased, and covered my hands in soap once more. After untying the fundoishi, there was nothing between us but skin.

Still up on my knees, I leaned over Soujirou's shoulders so I could watch my hands. As soon as I began to work the soap through the soft, dark hairs at his base, Soujirou made a noise in his throat. A deep grunt that I thought sounded so unlike him. I couldn't help it- I wanted to hear more.

I'd forgotten all about being ladylike, and instead, felt my body moving on its own accord. Hungrily, I suckled at his neck, leaving soft bites and tasting the faint salt of his sweat. Soujirou's breath hitched, but it was nothing compared to the sound he made when I finally clasped one hand around his shaft. My cheeks pinkened, and I was amazed at how something that had first seemed so unassuming, bloomed into pure, hard heat. In a matter of seconds, facilitated only by a few shy tugs, Soujioru had swollen outside the realm of my one-handed grip.

Babysitting and the occasional trip to open air baths when I was smaller had exposed me to male genitalia, but still… this was Soujirou. And back then… they had been children.

And dear God…he was certainly NOT a child.

"Kaoru-chan…" Soujirou thrust his hips unconsciously and I gasped against his neck.

The feel was so unusual to me – a man's heat in the palm of my hands, but to know the simplest touch sent Soujirou twitching did wonders for my ego.

"Soujirou-sama…" I breathed on the shell of his ear, and felt him twitch in my palm. I couldn't resist a smirk. "Oh…you do like it when I call you that. Liar."

Soujirou didn't smile. Instead, he craned his neck to look at me and I could see the flush of arousal all over his face. Even his eyes, once clear and bright, were suddenly dark and hazy with lust. My mouth dropped open a little and Soujirou took full advantage. With a firm hand, he pulled me by the back of the neck and dragged my mouth down to meet his.

I was on fire immediately – filled the same burning desire I'd remembered from the first time we'd kissed. So entranced by he feel of his mouth devouring mine, my hands fell away from his lap.

Soujirou, however, was quick to pull them back into place. His own, larger hand, covered mine and guided me through the movements, much firmer than I'd been, and with a gentle twist at the tip.

"Like…like this?" I continued once he'd let me take over completely. His flesh was hot and strangely slippery in my palm. With every stroke I could feel his heartbeat, and the sticky remnants of lust.

"Yeah," he managed to hiss out. "Perfect. Just like that."

But still, it wasn't enough. Ignoring my plea from before, Soujirou turned on the stool to face me.

"I have to see you," he murmured. I wanted to protest, but there was something liberating about being nude before Soujirou – watching him hungrily drink in the sight of my bare body. I'd never seen him look so intense before, and it made me a little self-conscious. I used my free hand to cover my breasts at first, but Soujirou swatted it away, smiling.

"Don't you dare," he pulled me down into his lap and the moment our bare skin touched, I felt a jolt of pleasure course through my body.

"S-Soujirou-sama…" I clutched at his back.

Soujirou spread my legs wide over his, exposing my center. I turned my head away as he stared, smiling wide.

"So pretty," he reached down between us with one hand and stroked the moist lips. With two fingers, he parted me open. "Like a flower."

"Souji wait…" I could feel redness spreading over my cheeks, but Soujirou continued with his light touches, rubbing his thumb in slow circles against the little button at my entrance. No one had ever touched me that way before – hell, I'd never even touched myself that way before. Before I knew it, I was whimpering and swearing under my breath, and when I forced my eyes open, I could see Soujirou watching me intently, and his fingers, slippery and wet.

"You want me?" his nose brushed against my neck. I could only nod.

Soujirou strong hand drifted over the curve of my bottom, and spread the cheeks apart. My heart was racing, and though I'd been expecting pain, there was little discomfort when Soujirou sank a slim finger inside me.

"What a good girl…" he breathed hot on my ear. "You took it perfectly."

I couldn't even find it in me to blush. I was far too focused on the firm, but loving way Soujirou inserted and withdrew the digit. And all the while, I moved my hips in slow circles in Soujirou's lap. Over and over I ground against his hard length, bumping it eagerly against the bundle of nerves he'd teased before.

"Kaoru…" Soujirou's finger moved a little faster, and I could feel his hips joining in with the rhythm.

Despite not being inside me, I could feel the hot pulsation of Soujirou's length, and hear the slick, sticky sounds of our bodies lapping eagerly at one another. Soujirou's hold on me was tight, and I thanked God, as it kept our weight centered on the stool.

"Souji…Souji please…"

I wasn't ready when it came – my first orgasm. I felt the heat building up in my tummy, and was almost bouncing in Soujirou's lap, eager for to find an end, but the feel itself took me by surprise. Soujirou's warm hands crept up my hips, my spine, wove themselves into my hair as we moved together, gasping out into each other's mouths. In one instant, all the tension that had been coiled up in my body released in a rush, and it was all I could do to keep from screaming.

"Souji!" I dug my nails into his back, still bucking frantically through each wave of pleasure.

That seemed to set something off in Soujirou, because with an unusual force he ground his hips into mine and let out a long, satisfied groan. I could feel him pulsing hard between us, pushing hard into my tummy, and the warmth of his release on my skin. For once, I wasn't embarrassed- just relieved to have him so close, his face buried into my neck, his hands stroking lovingly up and down my sides.

I couldn't help but think of Tomoe, and the way she'd compared making love to giving a piece of yourself. There was no turning back anymore. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing Soujirou disappear from my life.

"Soujirou—

I started, but Soujirou cut me off with a kiss.

"Kaoru…" he breathed into my hair. "Let's run away together."

AN: hmm...