I took twice as long because I think I'm losing readers…
I know not every reader leaves a review but my brain keeps thinking that way and it discourages me :/
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"I've been good, Mom, really," I reassured her as I chopped the onions.
Visiting my mom and Phil every other weekend had become a ritual.
I liked it though, I'd help my mom with lunch, we'd catch up, and even though they'd never admit it, they secretly watched me to make sure I was okay, and not heavily traumatized.
"Has therapy helped, honey?"
I tiny smile spread across my face. "Mhm."
She looked at me curiously. "Is there something I'm missing here?"
I shook my head and willed myself not to blush.
"Bella, that's the most color I've seen on your face in months! What's going on?"
"Nothing, Mom! It's just... the onions."
"Lies. Tell me, what is it? Is it- Oh!" She grinned a cat-like grin. "Your therapist is attractive, isn't he?"
I threw my hands in the air. "How could you possibly get that from 'it's the onions'?"
"Aha! I knew it! Bella," she gasped, "don't tell me you like him!" she pointed an accusing finger at me.
"I don't!" I lifted my hands in defense.
"You really shouldn't try to lie, honey, your eyes are like an open book."
I scowled and went back to chopping onions.
I didn't like him.
"Oh, Bella, what are you going to do?"
"I don't know," I muttered.
"Well, baby, he's your therapist. You should tell him how you feel."
I grimaced. "Do you know how uncomfortable that'd make him?"
"How he takes it would be his problem. It's his job to listen to what's on your mind."
How he takes it would be his problem. Images of his bloody knuckles flashed through my mind.
I wrinkled my nose. "He doesn't really take... disturbing things very well."
She frowned. "I'm not going to ask what you mean by that, but I stand by my statement."
I sighed. "Okay, Mom. Let's talk about something else."
I buried my toes in the sand with each step as I walked. There was something soothing about the way the sand felt against bare skin. I relished in the feeling as I spread my blanket on the ground. I lied down and folded my arms behind my head, closing my eyes.
It was healthy to do this once in a while. I was just a person. With problems, like everyone else.
If I didn't take a break- just a small escape from reality- I think I'd go insane.
And my life has been more complicated than normal lately.
That's an understatement.
It's funny, I thought to myself, how I could have sworn I had run out of emotions forever. That I could never be fully awake again. And now, every emotion I had was on overdrive, wearing me out.
It was Edward. Ever since I met him, things have been so odd. Everything seemed to be going a thousand miles an hour and my feelings were abruptly awakened. It made me feel better somehow; at least I could feel something.
I pushed all the stressful thoughts out of my mind and told myself to relax.
Maybe things would eventually go back to normal.
I woke to the feeling of wetness on my feet.
What?
When had I even fallen asleep?
The shore was nearly up to my ankles and I quickly got up and wrapped up my blanket.
One look around told me it must be around midnight.
I checked my phone.
12: 17
Sunday, September 24
2 New Messages
-
Click.
From: Angela. (1/2)
10: 57 p.m.
Bella where are you?
(2/2)
11:35 p.m.
Are you ok?
I rolled my eyes. She was worse than a wife.
I started walking back as I typed a quick reply.
Suddenly, something hard hit my torso and I stumbled back. Thankfully, a strong pair of arms caught me.
"I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was walking-"
"It's okay, it's dark." There was a smile in his voice. Wait. I knew that voice.
"Edward?"
"Bella."
He let go of me and I laughed nervously. "We keep showing up in each other's lives. I think you should stop stalking me, Edward."
The white flash of his teeth told me he was grinning.
"Now what will I do with my free time?"
"Crossword puzzles?"
"You're so funny."
I laughed. It shocked me. It sounded real, not strained or fake, like I was used to.
It's like I was under a strange new high when I was with him. I felt my heart beat faster, adrenaline pumping through my veins.
As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, he became more clear. He was stunning. His eyes were gray, the way they always were in the dark.
He looked down at the forgotten phone in my hands.
"Angela's wondering where you are?"
"Yeah.. it's getting pretty late, so."
"I guess I shouldn't keep you from her, then."
I didn't want to say goodbye. Not yet.
No, not ever, a more selfish side of me corrected.
"Actually- um- I can tell her I'll be a while..."
My mother's voice rang through my mind, tell him how you feel.
"A-are you going to be here a little longer? I think I'd like just... hanging out with you. I mean, if you want. I don't want to be annoying." Oh God, please shut up.
He didn't say anything.
He hates me he hates me he hates me…
"Bella..." he said after a while, "we're…not friends. We're both here by coincidence."
Ouch.
How could he say that?
Stupid. Of course he had to say that.
Of course we weren't friends. And I was so stupid to ever think otherwise.
"Right," I said in a voice barely above a whisper, "I'm sorry, I should go."
I turned around, but he quickly grabbed my forearm, keeping me from going anywhere.
"Wait. I didn't mean it like that. I mean-" he ran a hand thought his hair and sighed.
"I'm not saying I don't want to be friends, I'm just saying I can't help you professionally if… we're not… professional."
"I know. I get it." I tugged my arm but he wouldn't let go.
"Bella..." he murmured. His voice was like melted honey.
I shook my head and got ready to ask him to let go when an idea popped in my head.
I can't help you professionally if... we're not... professional.
Of course.
Why hadn't I thought of this before?
"What if... you don't help me professionally? What if I decide to quit my sessions with you? Could we be friends then?"
He frowned and I couldn't tell if he'd thought of this himself. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if trying to decide the right thing to say.
"I can't let you do that."
"What? Why not?"
"Because if you still need it... I can't deprive you of that. Your well-being comes first. If you didn't end up one hundred percent perfect, I'd never forgive myself."
If there were any possibility that butterflies could live in one's tummy, I'm pretty sure there were a bunch in mine. And they were having a party.
"Edward..."
Tell him how you feel.
"This might sound crazy, but I don't think it's the sessions that help me. Not all of it, anyway. I think it's mostly... you. You help me forget, somehow. Of all the bad things." I couldn't be more grateful of the night. This way he couldn't see my raging blush that only intensified when he reached for my hand and entwined our fingers together.
Friends did this. Friends held hands.
I imagine to anyone walking by, we must seem like a couple, though.
This was a pleasant thought.
"...Really? Being around me helps you? I could... be around. Only if you're absolutely sure. I could still help you, just not in the same way."
I just gripped his hand harder.
He didn't reject me.
"Do you want to go for a walk?"
I nodded.
He led me to the shore and we started walking slowly, just enjoying each other's presence.
My phone buzzed in my hand. I jumped. I'd forgotten I had it.
I painfully let go of Edward's hand and read the text from Ang.
12:26 p.m.
Bella!
I quickly typed a "Will be there soon. With Edward" and quickly dropped it in my bag.
I unthinkingly reached for Edward's hand again and he squeezed mine gently.
"Problem?" he prompted.
I shook my head.
I tried for a change in direction, turning to look at the sea. "How much money would they have to pay you to get in the water right now?" I wondered out loud.
He scoffed. "Nothing. I was going to go for a swim, actually," I looked and realized that he was wearing swim trunks, it had just been too dark before to tell. "It's much more fun at night. In fact..." he turned to look at me with bright eyes, "get in with me."
"No!"
"C'mon... the water's always warm at night..."
"But-"
"Are you wearing a swim suit?"
"Yes, but-"
"Excellent." And the next thing I knew he was slipping his shirt off and I was hypnotized.
I caught my breath as the moonlight hit the skin of his toned stomach, then his chest. He couldn't see me, so I ogled as I pleased. As soon as he got his head through, I quickly averted my eyes.
"Fine," I sighed as I self-consciously removed my top and shorts. There's no way I could ever compete with the Greek god beside me, but at least the black bikini I was wearing accented the little curves I had.
He swept his eyes down my body for a split second and I felt the butterflies in my tummy flutter in reaction.
He took my hand and led us towards the water.
I felt the small waves hit my toes and he had been right; it was warm.
When the water reached my hip, he dove in and lied on his back.
He reached for my hand. "Get in."
"I don't want to go all the way in."
I only caught a glimpse of the playful light in his eyes before he tugged on my hand and I landed on top of him.
Oh my God.
I was on top of him. And he was shirtless. And we were in the water. Together.
In my attempts to steady myself, I had run a hand down his bare chest. It was so smooth, so flawless. I had gasped quietly and straightened up.
"You're such a jerk! You're going to pay for that."
And then I attacked him. My goal was to push him down, but somehow I ended up on his back. His laughter and my squeals were the only things to be heard as he wrapped my legs around his waist, crossing my ankles and dove underwater.
I held on tight and admired the way his back muscles worked in synchronization as he swam with me on his back, in such a way that I never went below the water.
We played around for a few minutes after that, splashing each other, chasing after each other, acting like kids. It was refreshing. I hadn't felt this carefree in a while.
Edward insisted on walking me back. The moon and stars shining through the dark sky provided an almost romantic atmosphere.
Don't see it that way.
He sees you as nothing more than friends. You are nothing more than friends.
We were, of course, holding hands. To anyone else it might seem strange that friends this early would be at the holding hands level, but honestly it felt completely natural. Comfortable. I think our friendship started a long time ago, and we'd just been in denial. Now, it felt as if I'd known him forever.
Once we got to the front steps of my apartment, he turned to face me.
"I like being your friend, Bella." This was the real Edward. Behind all the fun and games, lied his sincere and beautiful soul.
"I like being your friend too, Edward." I was going to stop there, but instead I added, "And I really like spending time with you."
He half smiled and said, "We should spend more time together, then. What are you doing tomorrow?"
"Yes. I mean, n-nothing."
His smile grew wider. "Great. I'll call you."
I nodded and could practically hear Angela fangirling.
I knew it was time to say goodbye and the only thing keeping me from bursting into tears was his promise to see each other again tomorrow.
I looked up and was suddenly shocked at our proximity. We were almost touching. His eyes were hooded, and I thought I saw him lean in closer.
Oh my God he was going to kiss me.
My heart was racing.
How does one kiss?
Instead, though, he simply wrapped his arms around me in a hug, much to my disappointment. I wasn't complaining though, his warm body felt very comforting against mine. And even with a layer of salt on him, he still smelled delicious as my nose pressed against his shoulder.
I don't know if he sensed my disappointment or if he really was a mind reader, but when he whispered "Bye Bella," in my ear, I heard a smirk in his voice.
He knew exactly what he was doing. Prick.
Alright, two could play at this game.
Just as he was letting go of me, I held him back to press my lips against his cheek.
I whispered back, "Bye, Edward," then quickly went inside, shutting the door on a very astonished-looking Edward.
~~~
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