Addie AN: Hi everyone! Shit, it's been so long since we've written anything hasn't it? Well let's just say school and life has been insane for the both of us. But hey, here we are, with a new chapter that is sure to set you on fire. Or- make you happy. Whatever. Read on!
Catie AN: I don't know what kind of sick, cruel, sadistic person is going to be happy by this chapter, unless they hate Cassidy with a burning passion. HA! I just thought of something. Addie, ask me what I thought of.
Addie AN: Happy in the sense that it's gonna blow them away. What did you just think of Catie?
Catie AN: I shall tell you at the end of the chapter. (That's incentive for you to read this, by the way.) WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Addie AN: YES! FUCKING READ ALREADY!
...
"Oh my God!" Alley groaned exaggeratedly, looking up to the heavens. "God, shoot me please! I'm so fuckin' bored!"
John shook his head and chuckled amusedly at her while trying to pick out a tune on his guitar. It was a nice day—unusual for the old rainy weather that was always going on in England. Today the sun was actually shining and giving off a little bit of warmth that contrasted the cold wind that swept around them. As John was intently staring at his guitar, his glasses on and his mind focused, Alley groaned again and hung upside down from the tree they were sitting under. It was only eleven in the morning and she was already dying from the lack of something to do. It was the first day of their suspension and John and Alley were sitting under a big tree in an abandoned field John frequently visited when he needed some alone time. One would think they would be happy having a week off and to some extent it was true but Alley could easily grow bored and she always needed something to do.
"John," she said but he didn't look up. He was too much into his guitar. She decided to try again. "John!" Still not a word or even a glance from him. Growling to herself, she flipped herself over, away from the tree and landed on her feet in front of him. With her hands on her hips she said loudly, "LENNON!" He raised his eye-brows to show that he heard her but still made no move to look up at her and speak. "I'm gonna smash that bloody guitar over your head if you don't put it down," she growled finally, glowering down at him.
With another chuckle, he strummed a few more times just to get on her nerves and then gently laid the guitar next to him on the browning grass. He took off his glasses, folded them and stuck them in his pocket. God knew he was as blind as a bloody bat but did he wear his glasses? No, of course not, why would he do a fool thing like that? Resting his elbow on his knee, he looked up at her and grinned playfully.
"Is there somethin' I could help ya with, love?" he asked, the smile remaining in place. Alley rolled her eyes at him and plopped down next to him.
"I'm bored."
John stifled another amused chuckle. "And what do you reckon we do?"
"Something fun I suppose!" Alley replied, crossing her arms over her chest. Sometimes she fell into certain moods, feeling depressed for no reason. Well, really, it was her boredom making her this way.
"What's fun?" John asked, lighting two cigarettes and handing her one. She took it gratefully and they both smoked in silence, the smoke curling around their faces and forming a cloud around them. "There's nothin' to do around here that I haven't already done a thousand times before."
"Fuck! I know!" She shook her head in dismay and took a long, silent drag. She was thinking, letting her mind wander away. What could they do that was fun and something they've never done before? All their lives they've lived in the same place and it had become tired. Nothing was new, nothing was exciting anymore. If only they could go somewhere new where there were new things to do. If only they could-
LIGHTBULB!
The idea struck her, flashing lights in her brain like a bright neon sign. She flicked her cigarette into the grass and spun around quickly, grabbing John's arm. He looked a bit startled from being ripped out of his own thoughts but he saw the excited light in Alley's eyes and became quickly intrigued. She was beaming now, practically bouncing up and down on the ground. John was urging her to tell him what her big idea was.
"Okay so listen," she said, speaking rapidly and motioning with her hands. It was the little bit of Italian blood in her that made her do so. "We want to do something fun right?"
"Correction, love," John said, holding up a finger. "YOU want to do somethin' fun. I'm perfectly content sitting here." Chuckling at the look she gave him he added, "Continue on!"
"Let's get outta here," she said finally, a big smile on her face. For her, a big and actual smile was rare and it only showed how excited she actually was.
"Come again?"
"We're suspended for a week, aren't we?" Alley explained. When John nodded she continued. "So what's keepin' us here? We don't have to go to bloody school, do we? Let's go somewhere, do something! For a few days at least! We could go to Blackpool!"
John was beginning to grin that grin that most certainly meant trouble. Alley could see the wheels turning furiously in his mind. "But we can't do that. Surely, we'd worry our family." He was saying serious and true words but his voice betrayed a different tone. "And what about Paul and Cass? Oh, they'd be worried. Won't they come looking for us?"
"Oh they'd be more than worried!" Alley replied, nodding her head and grinning. "They'd be frantic! They might even go searching for us. Together."
"And we couldn't have that now could we?"
"Oh most certainly not," Alley replied with a shake of her head. "We couldn't do that to our friends."
Sitting there under the tree, the scheming pair grinned at each other; they didn't need to say anything because they both were thinking the exact same thing. Alley raised her eye-brows and John nodded back. It was set; official. Off they would go without saying a word to anyone.
Paul and Cass would just have to deal with it.
...
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Paul padded to his door, leaving his abandoned guitar and notebook in the family room where he'd been working minutes previously. He wasn't too terribly concerned at Mike or his dad looking at some rather…revealing, you could say, lyrics, because he was positive his visitor was just John coming over for a little after-school practice. Well, it would be after school for him. Not John, obviously.
But when he wrenched open the door, he found that rather than John, he was face to face with someone who made his heart leap into his throat.
"Is she here?" Cass demanded, already storming in and checking the previously vacated room for signs of whoever the hell she was looking for. Paul hurried ahead of her and just managed to scoop of his notebook before she walked in.
"Who are you looking for?" Paul inquired as Cassidy began sweeping from room to room in search of…whatever.
"Alley," she answered shortly, not even knocking before entering Mike's room. Why on Earth Alley would be in Mike's room was beyond him, but maybe Cassidy had some alternate reasoning. Or maybe she was just desperate.
"She lives two doors down, not here," Paul said slowly, pulling Cass out of his brother's room and shutting the door gently behind him. "Now, what's got you so frantic?"
Cass collapsed with a defeated sigh on Paul's couch, hardly thinking about the way she had felt last time she sat in this exact same spot. "She's GONE, Paul. I've been to Julia's, Mimi's, AND Royce's, and she' not there. PLUS I've been to our diner, and John's spot that he likes in that field with that tree down on Harrington. I can't find her."
Paul bit his lip uneasily. "Yeah…now that I think about it, John said that he was going to be here about two and a half hours ago."
"WHAT?" Cass exclaimed, her eyes as round as coins. "And you didn't think that was something important to tell me? I bet they've run off together." Her mind suddenly started roaming to the millions of possibilities of where they could be. "I bet they've been sleeping together for months, and she's pregnant. And the reason she didn't want to tell me is because…I dunno—John's on DRUGS and he's been feeding them to her, too, so there's gonna be something wrong with the fuckin' baby! Oh, God, not the baby! What does she HAVE if she doesn't have the baby?"
"Cass, you really need to calm down."
"By now they could be anywhere—but no, they wouldn't just go anywhere. Alley's always talking about going to New York City…fuck, Paul, they're probably already on a plane headed to the States!" She ran her hands through her curls, trying to sort out the wild thoughts that crashed around in her head. "Okay, this is what we'll do," she told him carefully. "We'll take my dad's car, drive to London, and from there we'll—"
"Cassidy, seriously, you're overreacting."
"Can you IMAGINE? John and Alley; lost, homeless, cold and hungry, pregnant on the streets of New York City. They probably—"
"CASS—SHUT UP!"
She immediately stopped talking, gazing at him as though betrayed.
"It's no big deal. We'll just…we'll just look around Liverpool for them. And if they're not here and don't show up by tomorrow then...we can try Blackpool. John has always loved it there." Paul gave her a steady look in the eye, knowing that she was still pretty much frazzled. "It'll be fine, trust me."
"It better be, Paul. Because they SECOND it's confirmed that Alley's been impregnated by a druggie, it's your ass."
...
"So this is the famous Blackpool?"
Alley stood next to John, her hands on her hips as she surveyed the scene around her. She didn't really know what to expect of Blackpool but she had heard many stories. Blackpool was supposed to be this dark, seedy place where a bunch of crazy shit happened but to Alley, it looked like another town. Then again, things do change when the sun goes down; the freaks always came out at night. John, throwing his cigarette to the ground and stuffing his hands in his coat pockets, sighed.
"What did you expect, love?" he asked. "Fuckin' Buckingham Palace?"
Alley scoffed. "Fuck off, Lennon." John just chuckled and she pulled her coat around her. "Where are we gonna sleep?"
"Last time I was here I slept on a bench."
"Yeah, well," Alley said, raising her eye-brows, "that's not gonna fuckin' happen."
John smirked. "I never reckoned you as a high-maintenance bird."
"I'm not!" Alley replied, feeling a little offended even though she knew he was only kidding. "I came here to have fun—not to freeze to death!"
"Okay, okay," John said, his hands raised in defence as he chuckled. "I know a place. Come on!" He grabbed her hand and pulled her down the street.
Less than ten minutes later, they were standing in the small room of a rather seedy motel. John brought them there, paid the bald man with the missing teeth a few quid and led her into the room. The room itself was tiny and cramped. The wallpaper was peeling and you had to let the water run for at least five minutes before it stopped being brown. And it wasn't even hot. There was one dresser, one night stand and scariest of all—one double bed. Alley set her small bag down by the door and tentatively stepped further into the room. John was turning on the lamp, trying to see if it worked.
"One bed," Alley said, staring at the lumpy-looking bed with the dusty red blanket. "That's- wonderful(!)"
"Oh please!" John replied, plopping himself down on the bed and patting the spot next to him with a smile on his face. She rolled her eyes and sat beside him. "This could be fun!"
"Forget it you man-whore!" Alley said, laughing when he adopted a look of mock hurt. "We're just sleeping!"
"Fuck!" John said, pretending to look huffy and upset like a child who didn't get his way. "You could always sleep on the floor you know!"
Alley smacked him playfully. "You should be more nice!"
"Why?"
"Because," Alley said, turning on her side to look into his eyes. "When you're famous, people will write books about you. Now, do you want to be remembered as 'John Lennon the man-whore bastard' or 'John Lennon the nice musician'?"
"I don't give a fuck!" He grinned widely. "Everyone will love me!"
"Well it's good to know you're not conceited!"
They shared a laugh and then just like that, they were kissing. It had just happened- maybe it was the prospect of being alone or maybe it was because they were going to be sharing a bed. Their kiss lasted a long while and when they finally pulled away, Alley was breathless.
"Hey!" Alley said, jumping from the bed and heading for the bathroom door. "We should go! Start living it up!" She didn't wait for answer but disappeared into the bathroom instead.
John groaned aloud and threw himself back into the pillows. Every time he and Alley kissed, he felt a mix of emotions run through him at once. He liked her—he really liked her. Maybe he ven loved her. But nothing was happening with them—all they did was kiss. And they both weren't relationship people. Sure, John went with other girls but no matter how hard he tried, Alley always entered his mind and floated through his dreams. A few times they came so close but nothing ended up happening. And it was secretly killing him inside. They both liked each other but both were too shy or too scared to admit it. And it would ultimately lead them to never being together.
John sighed again and looked up at the ceiling. He was glad now that the shower in the bathroom had no hot water. Over the next few days, he was definitely going to be needing cold showers.
...
It was decided that they would start to look after school.
Cass, for one, was in a panic all day. She still hadn't been quite normal after the whole prom incident, and Alley disappearing was just really, REALLY not what she need right now.
She spend the whole of last period English—which she usually shared with Alley—scribbling down places her friend might be, and her intricate, mature brain was already trying to find ways of going without Paul.
Oh, God.
THAT was a subject that she really didn't want to think about. Paul…well, fuck, of course she still liked the pants off of him, but things were so awkward and strained, and she was starting to feel a natural pull away from him. Maybe tomorrow she would wake up and be ready to have a relationship with him—if that was what he even wanted—but as of now? Not so much.
On top of that, her mother was being as big of a flaming bitch as ever. Sometimes Cassidy thought it would be better if she was just crying her eyes out all the times. Hell would freeze over before that would happen, though. Cecilia and her had seemingly teamed up to become the Dream Team of Wonder Bitches.
With all of that, her father was not getting better—worse, if anything. His face was getting paler, he smiled less and less every day, and he had started to cough a dry, heaving storm up on a regular basis. Cass was so worried, and she tried her best to mind him whenever she could. But her mother always ushered her out of the room when she was finally alone with her father, or Cecilia would could busting in whining about how horrible her day at school was and go on to complain about it.
And now Alley decided to go missing. Alley—who still didn't know about her father—was her reliant. Someone who would always listen. But that was for shit, apparently, because she as now gone.
The bell rang.
Why does it always seem that when you wanted to get somewhere fast, people always slowed down around you? Like, they sense that you're in a rush, so they do everything they can to make you late. Just to spite you. If Cassidy wasn't such as kind, patient, caring person, the slow-ass loser right in front of her wouldn't have lived a second longer. AS it was, he was already being bulldozed to the ground by a 120 pound teenage girl.
Luckily, Cass got to her locker without any fatalities. Unluckily, Paul was already there waiting for her. No doubt Alley had driven the two of them together on purpose. It was exactly the sort of bullshit she had come to expect from her best friend. Stupid bitch.
"You get any sleep last night?" Paul asked conversationally as Cass shoved books into her locker.
"No." Deadpan. Monotone.
"You should have," Paul scolded, walking next to her as she slung her bag over her should and started to walk towards the doors. "Knowing John, we have a looooooong day ahead of us."
...
Alley found her suspicions of Blackpool to be true when they stepped out that night. The light of day made Blackpool look tame much like Liverpool or any other city really. But when they night covered the city in darkness, the freaks really did come out. People of all sorts walked the streets, most of them drunk and finding contentment in yelling at anyone who looked at them. Alley, never really frightened by much, was feeling jittery as she walked down the street. John, on the other hand, wasn't the quite bit fazed. He told her before that he always liked to sneak away to Blackpool. It was another one of this 'alone time' places.
"What's fun to do around here?" Alley inquired, her eyes darting from place to place as they walked.
"They've got clubs around here," John offered. "You know, bars? Most of the time they've got fuckin' good bands."
"Like the places the Quarrymen play in?"
"Fuck—hell no," John replied, stopping and leaning against the brick wall. "We place dance halls, love!"
Alley shrugged. She didn't see the difference. Surely it didn't matter where they played as long as they played good. And they were good- Alley and Cass watched them play a few shows and she always left entertained. But John was never satisfied. He always wanted to do better, to go higher and higher. At the rate he was going, he probably wouldn't be happy until they reached the Ed Sullivan show and had a ton of hit records. Alley didn't doubt that they would get there someday.
"So?"
"I'll be right back," John replied finally. "Stay here."
"Where are you going?" Alley demanded and mentally kicked herself for sounding so scared.
"I'm gonna talk to a friend," he said tentatively, looking towards the club across the street. "See if he can sneak us in. Just fuckin' stay here."
Not bothering to wait for her to answer, he took off than disappeared around the side of the club. Leaning against the wall, Alley observed everything around her. She felt a little freaked out over being left alone but she was determined not to let it show. She wasn't a stupid, whiny little girl who looked to men to help them. She could handle herself just fine.
"Well—well—what do we got here?"
The voice came from the alleyway on her night and she jumped when she heard the gravelly voice. It belonged to a dirty older man with rotting teeth and tattered clothes. The smile on his face was creepy and way too suggestive for Alley's liking. He held a brown paper bag in one hand and tried to touch her hair with the other. She jerked way and he laughed at her discomfort. The man was past drunk.
"What's the matter, girlie?" he slurred, taking a step towards her. Alley nearly gagged at the stench coming from him.
"Get the fuck away from me!" Alley said in a warning tone. Her voice shook a little.
"Come on now!" Don't you want to have a little fun?" he asked, grinning and stepping closer.
"No!"
The man laughed and didn't seem to hear her. Again, he came closer and Alley began to really get freaked out. When the man tried to grab her shoulder, she reacted. She grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back. Then she pushed him as hard as she could. He hit the light post and crumpled unconscious to the ground. John was just making his way back to her. He had seen the whole thing.
"What?" Alley asked, when she saw his expression.
"Remind me to never piss you off," he said, looking down at the unconscious man with eye-brows raised.
"Shut-up!"
"Come on!" he said with a chuckle. "We gotta get in through the back."
"Good! I could use a fuckin' drink!"
(a few hours later)
Stumbling from the now over-crowded club, Alley and John laughed loudly, their voices carrying through the night air. John was used to drinking by now and it hardly affected him anymore. Alley was doing okay holding her liquor but she was feeling a little tipsy. It was strange that she let herself drink and get drunk. Living with Royce made her see the bad and evil side effects of alcohol and she swore she would never be like that. But now, she felt like letting go and escaping for a little while.
"John! Johnny John John John!" Alley called, practically skipping over to him. It seemed that the alcohol had lifted her veils and lowered her protective walls, causing her to act happy without hiding emotion.
John chuckled, flinging his arm around her as they walked down the Blackpool street. "You're fuckin' happy, aren't you?"
Alley nodded and put her head on John's shoulder. It seemed that they could do and say things they'd be too scared to do when they were sober. But they weren't the stupid kind of drunk either—the kind where you start acting like a chicken or something. Both John and Alley knew what they were doing and they would remember everything the next day. They walked in silence for a few minutes after that until they reached the pier. In the distance, they could see the lights of the fair flashing. They decided before that they would be going to the fair the next day. John and Alley leaned over the rail, looking down into the calm water. The stars were shining brightly and the air wasn't as cold as it was before.
"I like stars," Alley said in her happy drunken state. "They shine very bright! I like when it's bright!"
"I'm gonna be up there one day," John said matter-of-factly.
"Uh huh!" Alley cocked her head to side and her brow furrowed as she thought. "Unless we do enough bad things to get sent to hell."
John scoffed. "We aren't that evil!"
"You are," Alley said laughing in an unusual high-pitched tone.
John grinned and nodded. "Maybe."
"Are you happy, Johnny?" Alley asked suddenly. She was serious now.
"I guess," John replied with a shrug. "Maybe. I mean you can't fuckin' tell can you? It comes and goes, doesn't it?"
"I guess you're right," Alley replied with a thoughtful nod. "All this stuff is crazy. Life is weird."
"Aye, I reckon it isn't."
It became silent again. They were watching a small boat cross the water. Alley didn't know how much time had passed in silence before John said they should go back to the motel. It was way past midnight and they were both drunk and tired. Their night had been fun and eventful. They watched the band play in the club and they were great—loud and pure rock and roll. Then after that they nearly got into a bar brawl with a man twice his size but overall, it was a fun night and Alley couldn't ask for anything better.
When they finally arrived back to the motel, they collapsed into the bed fully-clothed and fell into a deep sleep.
...
"John...wake up!"
John groaned but opened his eyes. The light from the window was blindingly bright and he immediately shut his eyes with a pained groan. Alley understood exactly how he felt and returned his groan with one of her own. They had fun last night, sure but now Alley was silently pleading for death. They were experiencing the worst part of a fun night spent drinking—the hangover. John was used to it by now, although it still felt horrible- but Alley swore right then and there that she would never drink again. Of course, that wouldn't really be true- it was only her pain that made her think it.
"Kill me John!" Alley groaned and tried opening her eyes a little. It was still too bright. She groped around the nightstand for the sunglasses she brought with her and slipped them on.
John chuckled lightly; it took some effort. "It's not that horrible, love."
"Fuck. Off. Lennon."
John laughed again and Alley half-heartedly hit him. They stayed still and quiet for a while after that, both trying to fully wake up. Alley felt happy—despite the pain in her throbbing head- and she was grateful that John had gone with the idea of coming to Blackpool. Truthfully, Alley needed the time away from her life; away from everything. Her life at home was hardly a happy environment and her family (if you could even call them that) wasn't what you would describe as a normal family. It seemed to her that the only time she was even truly happy was when she got away from it all. There was really nothing going for her there—no one who really mattered enough to make her stay.
But she immediately mentally kicked herself for thinking such a thing. She had Cass—her best friend in the entire world. Cass was always there for her and was always willing to help her. Alley knew she didn't help things by pushing her away. No matter who she was with, whether it be Cass or John or her mother, Alley couldn't get herself to open up. There were so many feelings and thoughts raging inside her but she always forced them down and pushed them away, instead choosing to be indifferent and stony. It seemed like if you choose not to feel then you can't get hurt. Sometimes she wished she could pick up and leave; start a new life somewhere no one knew her. But she couldn't leave Cass—they needed each other.
And then there was John. Alley turned to watch him. He had closed his eyes and drifted into sleep again. Alley watched as he breathed, his bare chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. When he slept, his face took on a complete transformation. There was no angry sneer or look of perpetual hurt on his face, like the world had let him down. He looked completely peaceful and at ease. The poor bloke, Alley thought. His life was much more complicated than hers; he hid so much pain and anger inside of him. He never showed it either—in that sense they were very much alike; two kindred spirits drawn to each other. But she suspected that John was more broken inside; for more broken than she.
Alley didn't want to stop the moment. She wanted to stay here in the quiet stillness forever. But like everything, it had to end sooner or later.
"John?" she whispered, nudging him slightly. He stirred, groaned and turned to look at her. She propped herself up halfway, shielding the light from her eyes. "We should get up now."
"Mm-hmm."
"And get dressed."
"Uh-huh."
"And take a whole bottle of aspirin."
"Oh fuck yeah."
Alley chuckled, wincing a few times when her head protested and then finally stood up. Her head felt a thousand pounds heavier and she felt the room spin for a few moments. When she was positive she could walk without falling and injuring herself, she made her way to the bathroom to get washed and dressed. John pulled himself from the bed a few minutes later with another annoyed groan. He grumbled to himself as her tried to pull on his jeans with her eyes closed. Whose bloody idea was it to go out drinking anyway?
Oh right. It was it his.
...
Twenty eighth was the charm, George told himself.
Surprisingly, it was Cecilia who answered the door, not Cassidy. That was unusual. Then again, Paul wasn't in town (according to Mike, who could be a faulty source) so maybe they went out together.
"What do you want?" she asked, her voice a little thick.
George looked up from his feet for the first time since ringing the doorbell, a slight frown on his face. Cecilia had mascara track down her smooth, pale cheeks, and her eyes were rimmed with red. She held a tissue in one hand and the door handle in the other.
"I wanted to ask if you'd—"
"Jesus Christ, can't you tell I'm not in the mood?" she hissed, already moving to slam the door.
Before she could, George asked, "What happened?"
She hesitated, the door only open a crack at this point. She seemed to be deliberating, as though she had SO many things she'd rather be doing. Finally, she reopened the door and took a step outside.
"I suppose Cassidy's already told you about our father?" When George just raised his eyebrows and shook his head, she continued. "Well, he's dying. Just about dead by now, actually. I'd give him a month, tops."
George winced at her blatant harshness.
"But, it's just…I don't really have anyone to talk to about it." She glanced at George out of the corner of her eye. "Someone I WANT to talk to about it, I mean."
George nodded slowly. "It's nice to vent, sometimes, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Cecilia agreed. "Yeah, it is…" She took a deep breath, then: "It's just, everyone at school always excepts me to be so beautiful and smart and social able because Cassidy isn't, so I ALWAYS have to live up to that. And Cass hates me more than words; she can't even LOOK at me without getting this look on her face. And Mam…she eats all the goody-goody ness up, so I just keep going for her, even though mostly I just want to sock her, and then Da…well, he'd always been there for me, even though he likes Cassidy more, and now HE'S dying. And life is just…it's hell, basically."
He blinked, trying to gather all this information. "Wow…that sucks."
"It really does," Cecilia replied immediately, dabbing her eyes with the tissue. "Thanks for listening!" She began to hop back up the steps, already looking more chipper.
"So does this mean you'll go out with me?" George asked, turning his body half-way so that he just caught a whiff of her flowery perfume as she zipped away.
The door slammed in his face.
...
The fair was a great place to be, Alley thought happily as she and John walked by the man selling popcorn and cotton candy. Alley had never really been to something like this—when she was young, her real father used to take her places but she hardly remembered anything now. And Royce? The only place he ever took her was a bar and she nearly got attacked by some drunk man. So, yes she was more than happy to be here. Suddenly, she looked right in front of her, stopped and gasped rather loudly. John stared at her quizzically; a bit startled by her reaction. He thought maybe it was a gasp of pain. They both took generous amounts of aspirin and wore sunglasses to block out the sun so generally, they were feeling better. But he smirked when he followed her gaze and saw the rusty but working Ferris wheel.
"Really?" he asked in an amused tone.
"What?"
"A fuckin' Ferris wheel?" He was incredulous and nearly on the brink of laughing. "You're getting all bloody excited over a fuckin' kiddie ride?"
"So?" Alley crossed her arms over her chest like a petulant child and fixed him with a glare. "I've never been on one and I want to go!"
"Then let's go!" John said with a head shake and a chuckle. He grabbed Alley's hand and pulled her forward. He paid the man and they got into an empty cart. Soon, they were high above everyone, looking down.
"Wow!" Alley breathed as she looked below. Everything and everyone looked so tiny and so far away. She sat back, enjoying the quiet stillness of being so high up.
"It's nice up here," John said, taking out a cigarette. He had only one left so he and Alley shared it.
"Oh really?" Alley asked with a smirk. "Mr.'Oh, a fuckin' Ferris wheel! What a fuckin' kiddie ride!"
John chuckled at her bad imitation and turned to look across the city of Blackpool. His mind began to wander and he began remembering the time when he came here with Julia his- his mother. It felt odd to call her that or at least to think of her that way. She was more like a mate to him than anything else. He somehow didn't feel right calling her 'mother'. It seemed like something was missing. Alley broke him out of his thoughts.
"What'cha thinkin' Johnny?"
John shrugged. "Nothin'. Life, I suppose."
"What about life?" she asked, taking one last drag on the cigarette before throwing it over the side of the cart.
"Everyone's is different," he replied. "Their lives, I mean."
"Yeah, some people got it good," Alley said, not bothering to hide the bitter note in her voice. "And some are shite."
"Besides Royce, your life ain't that horrible."
"What?" Alley half-screeched; incredulous. "You're fuckin' jokin' ain't ya?"
"No."
"Then put your glasses on ya blind wanker!" she said, smacking his arm. "Between an extremely fucked up father, an abusive step-father, a demented psycho step-brother and a mother who barely functions, my life is shit!"
It was tensely silent for a moment. John knew most of this about Alley but he had never seen her last out so angrily and bitterly before. She reminded him a lot of himself then. When he spoke next, his voice was soft.
"My life isn't all fuckin' good either." His voice was hushed and she had to strain to hear him. "I live with my auntie. Guess I'm not fuckin' important to my parents, am I?"
"But Julia- you see her-"
"Fuck!" he said, cutting her off. "I see her. But she's not really there."
"What about your father?" Alley asked, suddenly curious. She knew about Julia Lennon-most did. But the man who was John's father remained a complete mystery.
"Who fuckin' knows?" he grumbled, kicking at the front of their cart.
"Well," Alley said with a sigh. "I guess our lives are equally fucked up then." Shrugging, she flashed him a half-hearted smile. "Well that's all right. We just gotta not screw up our children when we get old. We could be seventy year-old grandparents, you know? Telling our grandkids stories of our glory days."
John laughed, entertained by the thought. But then he turned serious. "That's not gonna be me."
"Why?"
"Because," John explained with a non-chalant shrug. "I don't think I'm gonna live that fuckin' long."
Alley felt her heart leap when he said that. The most she could utter clearly was, "What?"
"I don't think I'll be around at seventy," he said, still not sounding too alarmed by the statement.
"Why are you talking like that?" Alley demanded, her voice rising to show how freaked out she really was. Her voice rose until it was squeaky and high-pitched. John looked a little startled by her reaction.
"What is your fuckin' problem?" he asked like she was the one who said the crazy thing.
"I—I don't know," she mumbled. The truth was that he had scared her; REALLY scared her. Up until that point, she thought she was the only one with the fear or the thought of dying young. Not only was the prospect of John dying young scaring her but also that she felt the same way for so long. "Me too," she whispered. "I mean-I've thought the same."
"Really?" John was looking at her with a strange expression. "I would never have guessed."
"I've always felt it."
John nodded silently and then that grin appeared on his face. "I bet I'm right. I'll die young and you'll be old."
Alley scoffed. "Nuh-uh! You'll get old and crusty and I'll die young and pretty!"
"Let's bet on it then," John said with a twinkle in his eye. He put out his hand for Alley to take. She shook it.
"Deal."
Soon after that, they were let off the Ferris wheel and they continued running around the fair. They visited the fun house and played games and just had fun; no worries, no obligations. And when night began to fall, John suggested that they go see a movie and then return to the motel.
Life was good.
...
"The fair," Paul said all of a sudden as they walked down the dark, dank streets of Blackpool. Why they were there in the first place was beyond him. He'd wanted to stay in Liverpool and keep searching. But Cassidy seemed to think that the best place to search for their friends was THIS shady place.
"The fair?" Cass asked, giving him an odd look. She had managed to say as little as possible to him this entire time, and even when it came to walking she stood a careful distance away. She wasn't taking any chances with Paul.
"Yeah. Me and John went there before." And with that, he started steering an unwilling Cass in the general direction of the smell of cotton candy that was wafting to them from a couple streets away.
"I think you just wanna go to the carnival," Cassidy mused out loud, shooting Paul a withering look.
"No, no. John'll be here, I'm sure of it."
They wove in and out of the various rides and carnies, trying to locate their two friends. Occasionally, they would stop at a random stand and give the worker there description of John or Alley, but the answer would be the same each time.
"Do you realize how many tall, auburn guys walk through here each day?"
Paul sighed through his nostrils. "Yes, well, he was accompanied by a short girl with black hair and green eyes. And Buddy Holly glasses."
"Maybe I saw 'em, maybe I didn't," the man sniffed, wiping his sweaty hair out of his eyes.
"Could you PLEASE just help us out here?" Cass implored.
"What's in it for me?"
"Life," Paul growled, taking a step forward and putting his fist up menacingly. Cass could hardly contain her laughter.
"You know what? Never mind. They probably didn't stop by here anyway—its smells like someone took a shit, ate it, then threw it back up." Cassidy gave a tug on Paul's arm, forcing him to walk away.
"Some people," he muttered under his breath, shaking his head. But his mood did a three sixty when he caught sight of the huge, gleaming Ferris wheel that shone in the moonlight. He froze, staring up at with his wide, hazel eyes.
Cassidy followed his gaze. "We don't have time."
"Not even for ONE, little, itsy bitsy ride?" He clasped his hands, putting them under his jaw and pouting his lips.
Cassidy ignored him. "We HAVE to find them. It's getting dark and we have nowhere to stay."
Apparently, Paul had some extremely selective hearing. "C'mon, Cass!" he begged, grabbing her hand and trying to pull her to the ride. However, Cass dug her heels into the ground. "Please, please, PLEASE?"
She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him. Well…it WAS only one ride. And there wasn't any line. And, seriously, what could it hurt? "I guess…" Before she could even finish the thought, he was tugging her up the stairs and onto the loading platform.
Her heart skipped a beat when she realized how close she'd have to sit next to him.
"Look! It's so beautiful up here!" Paul looked like a dazzled little kid on a sugar high, pointing at the various lights and the stars up above them. "Wait—is that…?" He suddenly leaned forward, pointing down toward the gate where two figures—one short and black haired, the other tall, lean, and broad shouldered. The seat they were sitting on gave a sickening lurch as Paul shifted his weight forward, causing Cassidy to close her eyes tight and grip the bar that was holding them in painfully tight.
"Paul," she hissed, trying to regain her breathing. "Don't DO that."
"But…but…that was John and Alley! They're here!"
Cassidy managed to open her eyes, finding the pair of them just as they disappeared down the dark, shady street. "We'll follow them as soon as we get off this stupid thing."
Paul nodded, his eyes still glued to the place he had last seen their friends. Suddenly, he spoke up. "So, ahem, about Saturday…"
Cass let out a dry, bitter laugh. "That…was…HORRIBLE."
Paul chuckled along with her. "Did you see Julia's FACE? You know, after you and Alley left she sat down and talked to me and John about how we have to be responsible with our actions. And then she asked me if I needed to borrow any money to marry you."
Cassidy burst out laughing, shaking her head in disbelief. "She didn't."
"She did. Me and John had a good laugh about it afterward, no doubt."
Cass smiled, gazing out over the lighted up buildings of Blackpool. "And how much did you take?"
Paul frowned. "What?"
"How much did you take?" Cass repeated slowly. "I've always wanted a nice wedding. Pink roses all over the place, that's what I've always imagined."
"Ah, I'd take out LOANS just to get you pink roses, m'dear," he answered, adopting a posh, formal accent.
"Excellent, excellent. And I've always adored bridesmaids and groomsmen. How many of them, do you think?" She cast a glowing smile towards Paul.
"HUNDREDS!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air. "The most in HISTORY. Only to please you, my love."
"And carriages?"
"Yes! The CARRIAGES! A parade of them!"
Cassidy giggled, sighing and leaning her head into Paul's chest. She ignored the way her heart rate quickened at this, wanting to play along. "Oh, our wedding shall be the best in the land. All our unplanned children may attend, of course. And Julia Lennon, the woman of the hour!"
Paul wrapped his arm around her, nodding fervently. "Ah, of course! We owe it ALL to her."
"Oh, Paulie, isn't life grand?"
"Oh, my dearest Cassidy, it is, it is." He inclined his head, touching his lips lightly to her forehead. Did he have any idea how it sent shivers down Cass's spine? Yet she still didn't pull away.
Just then, the Ferris wheel hummed to a stop, and they knew it was time to get off. The old man that appeared to be the attendant moved forward. Though he walked with a sort of limp, he had a huge grin plastered on his face. The sight of him made Cassidy's heart melt.
"Enjoy your ride, kiddies?" he asked, unbuckling them with slightly trembling hands.
Cass gave him the sweetest smile she could. "It was lovely, thank you so much."
"Ah, young love. I'm so very jealous," he chuckled, giving Cassidy his hand as she stepped out of the seat. She glanced back, exchanging a look with Paul. Why didn't she correct him, he wondered, studying the back of Cass's curly, brown head.
"Sir, have you seen a tall, auburn man with a short, black haired girl? It would help us out a lot if you had." Paul nervously wrung his hands, wanting to be as polite as possible.
"Why, yes, actually, I did." Paul and Cassidy's faces lit up at the exact same time. "Actually," he continued thoughtfully, helping another couple into their seats, "they said something about getting a hotel for the night. Cute pair, they were."
Cassidy couldn't help the huge grin that spread across her face. "Thank you SO much. You have no idea how much time you've saved us, sir."
The man smiled shakily, waving a hand in the air. "Oh, it's quite alright."
Cassidy began to walk away, assuming that Paul was following her. When she realized he wasn't, she turned around just in time to see Paul shrug out of his jacket, wrapping it around the old man's shoulders. The man looked up in protest, but Paul smiled and held up his hands. He said something, shook the attendant's hand, and caught up with her.
Cass gave him a weird look.
"What?" he asked.
"That was probably the sweetest thing I have ever seen." She smiled hesitantly. "Like, seriously."
Paul flushed a little bit, looking down. "Nah, he just looked cold. I figured it was the least I could do."
Cassidy stared up at him, at a loss for words. What he just did was BEYOND adorable. So adorable that she was beginning to regret some of the things she had done to Paul recently, including ignoring him, playing with his emotions, leading him on, having sex with him, and ditching him. She was REALLY being a bitch, and he didn't deserve that. She opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off.
"Just—" he held up a hand. "Forget about it. Let's go find John and Alley."
...
It was nearly eleven-thirty when they finally stumbled back to the motel. Instead of seeing one movie, they saw two- a great rock and roll double feature. But then of course they were hungry so they stopped off at a small restaurant to eat. By the time they left there and walked back to the motel, it was pretty late. Both were dead tired but it was a much needed fun day.
I don't want to go home, Alley thought to herself as she put on her pyjamas (really an old t-shirt and a pair of John's boxers) and then left the bathroom to go to sleep. John was already in the bed, half-covered by the thin blanket. He was wearing a pair of black pants and nothing else. Alley—ignoring the way her heart raced—shook her head at him.
"Must you take your shirt off?" she inquired, lowering herself into the bed. Once she got situated comfortably. She turned to look at him. "Don't you wear pyjamas like normal people?"
John smirked and looked over her outfit. "Don't you?"
Alley made a face at him as she looked down at herself. Okay so maybe she wasn't the poster child for proper pyjama wear but at least she wore something. And besides, was it her fault that she forgot to bring pyjama bottoms? Well maybe it was but she had to leave in such a rush to avoid Royce that she didn't get to grab all she needed. After turning down John's suggestion to sleep without pants, he gave her a pair of his boxers to wear. So now he was just being cheeky.
"Whatever," she said, waving him off. She stared up at the cracked, white ceiling now. "What do you suppose Cass and Paul are doing?"
Jon snorted. "Out fuckin' lookin' for us, I reckon."
"Which basically forces them to be together," Alley said through her laughter. "That's too goof! They'll have our bloody heads when they find us!"
"Those fuckin' wankers!" He shook his head and cackled- yes, cackled- like an evil witch casting a spell.
"John?" Alley suddenly said, propping herself up on one elbow and looking at him. He did the same; his position mirroring hers.
"Hmm?"
"It's been fun here," Alley said, the thought of going back home the next night making her glum. "I don't want to go back."
"No one would," John replied with a half-shrug. "I reckon we can't stay forever, though."
Alley cocked her head to the side. "Why not?"
"Cause I need to go back to me band," he replied with a grin. "How else will I become famous?"
"Oh shut-up, John!"
John shook his head and chuckled and she stuck her tongue out at him. And then it just happened again. Alley was sure that it was the magical powers of the strange motel bed. They were kissing—very passionately this time. Things became heated and quickly their kissing began to escalate. Alley was lost in the moment but when she felt John's hand begin to push her shirt up, she broke from the kiss and put her hand on his; stopping it. They were both breathless. John looked somewhat disappointed.
"What?"
Alley shook her head. "I can't John. Not now-not yet anyway."
"Why?" The disappointed look didn't leave his face and Alley felt bad for making him feel that way. But she simply wasn't ready yet. She told him this and he sighed. "That's okay," he said. A smile formed suddenly on his face. "When will you be?"
Alley couldn't help but laugh. "I promise that when I am, I'll let you know," she said with an exaggerated wink. She tried to make it sound aloof but she knew it didn't sound that way.
John smirked. "Is it a deal?"
"Oh—absolutely!"
"Okay, okay," John said with a laugh. "But we have to make it official and a handshake doesn't work."
"Hmm," Alley said, thinking for a few moments. "Why don't we seal it with a kiss?"
They started towards each other to seal their deal when the door suddenly burst open. Alley and John sprang apart, both nearly falling off the bed. When Alley's eyes landed on the people standing there, she gasped. She knew how bad this looked. She and John were basically half-naked, their hair messed up and their faces flushed red. She knew exactly what it looked like. And judging by the angry glares she and John were receiving, the wrong conclusions were made. Hell, if the situation were reversed, she'd be screaming her bloody brains out. And the fact that they looked guilty didn't help either.
"Hi guys," she said, her voice cracking nervously. "What brings you here?"
Alley and John looked at each other again before looking back to a very angry Cass and Paul. Despite the seriousness of the situation, Alley wanted to laugh. After all, Paul and Cass were by far the poster children for celibacy. And considering the fact that they actually didn't do anything, Alley didn't think this was much of a problem. But the way both of them were practically steaming didn't give her a good feeling. John leaned back into the pillow, a half-amused expression on his face as if it was normal to be caught in bed with a girl and be yelled at. It was as if he expected it. Alley turned to look at them once more and offered a small smile.
"So- how'd you guys find us?"
Ignoring John, Cass pointed to Alley. "You're a hypocrite," she hissed, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. She could think of SO many other things to say, but quite frankly she was just downright appalled that Alley would lecture HER about sex, and yet here she was.
Paul was quiet, not nearly as surprised as Cass was. He stood behind her, next to the door, fully prepared to let HER do the talking. John, he knew, was a man of many women. He doubted that would change just for Alley, and it turns out he was right-not only was John sleeping with the girl in front of him, but just about any other girl that threw themselves in his lap, too.
"No-no- I am not!" Alley said, stuttering only a few times. She sat up straighter, pointing at Cass. "We did not do anything. Like- I fucking swear."
"Really? Because it doesn't look so good for you right now." Cassidy was aware of how two-faced she was sounding, but she couldn't help it. Alley had yelled at HER for one stupid, meaningless night, whereas she had been fooling around with John for God knows how long-why hadn't she told her?
Alley laughed nervously, looking down at herself and John. He was being no help so far, just smirking at everyone. She wanted to smack him. Hard. "Listen to me," Alley said, looking at her best friend straight into the eyes. "I'm not lying. We didn't do anything. We're-dressed...sort of."
"Sort of," Cassidy repeated with a cruel twist of her mouth. Behind her, Paul snorted with agreement.
"Well what the fuck do you want us to sleep in?" Alley demanded, anger creeping its way into her voice. "A fucking snow suit?"
"I just don't understand," Cass began, her voice rising in frustration, "why you feel like you can't tell me anything anymore. When was the last time you and I had a SERIOUS conversation? Other than, of course, issues that matter SO much like whether or not Paul is in love with me or whether FUCKING JOHN LENNON WILL ASK YOU OUT?" She really didn't mean to yell, but it just came out that way.
Her distaste in John showed a little bit more than she would have liked. Paul sank back in the door, a little shocked over the fact that Alley and Cassidy discussed HIS feelings. Also, he had never seen Cass quite so mad.
John's interest became piqued at this point and Alley could feel his eyes boring into the back of her skull. She turned to him before he could open his mouth and softly said, "Just shut-up." With a deep sigh and another wave of anger passing through her, she turned to look at Cassidy. "What the fuck are you talking about? You-fucking-bitch! When were you going to tell me that you and Paul slept together? Huh? Tell me that, Cass! I had to find out from George- a guy I don't even fucking know! The last "serious conversation" we ever had was what fucking dress you wanted me to wear to prom!" Her breathing was ragged and she was shooting daggers from her eyes at Cass. John remained where he was, not saying anything.
Cassidy's jaw began to quiver, and before she could stop herself, she was saying things that she had never meant to tell anyone. "I'll tell you when I was fucking going to tell you-around the same time that you ASKED the reason why I was LIVING AT PAUL'S HOUSE!"
Paul's eyes widened innocently at the sound of his name. He hadn't realized Alley didn't know the reason Cass couldn't bear to stay with her family; he thought it was a given that she'd tell her.
Alley felt the sting of that one and for a moment she was speechless. A wave of guilt and regret immediately came over her- she had never, not once, asked why Cass was living with Paul. She was too busy with her own life and being with John that she hadn't even bothered to ask. But she was angry now and her rage quickly took control of her mouth.
"Why didn't you fuckin' tell me why? Huh, Cass? Am I supposed to be your fucking mind reader now too?," she practically screamed. "Do I have to deal with my own problems as well as yours? Not that you have any fuckin' problems, Cass, aside for your family being too Goddamn perfect! Oh, oh Lord, how hard must your life be? Cry me a fuckin' river, will ya? Why don't you come live at MY house and then see who has the real problems?"
"Oh, PLEASE. I ask you ten times a day if you're okay, and you look like you're gonna bite my head off." Cassidy couldn't help it; she had begun to cry. She was never strong, never brave, but she wished just this once she could suck it up like, well...Alley. "And look at that," she kept going, shooting a sarcastically amused look around the room. "Once again, the conversation goes back to YOU. Always you, you, you, YOU! Don't you know how fucking TIRING it is being Alley's friend-never Cassidy-at school, and then going home and being Cecilia's sister-NOT fucking Cassidy-or a dying man's daughter-?" At this point, her voice choked off, and her tear flow was so heavy she had no choice but to aim her gaze to the ground.
"What?" Alley said, the last part of Cass said catching her attention and making her heart stop. "What- what the fuck are you talking about?"
Cassidy took a deep breath, gathering her wits and staring straight back at Alley. "Cancer. I'm talking about cancer, and my dad, and my fucking pshyco ass mother acting like nothing's happening."
"I-I'm-sorry," Alley said, the words tumbling out of her mouth in a nervous jumble. She didn't know this at all and it made her feel like someone had just punched a hole into her. Cass' father had sometimes made up some of the ways Royce failed in her life. And now he was-dying? She could only imagine what Cass was going through. But anger still radiated through her. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Cassidy gave her a bitter smile, shifting her weight from her left foot to her right. "Like I said, we haven't had many serious chats lately." Something inside her seemed to collapse at her words. Alley, someone whom she viewed as both her informant and her listener just yesterday, was suddenly this person that she didn't even know. She was no longer her best friend, just a girl that seemed to know a few details about her previous life. "That's not important, anyways," she practically whispered, her voice completely drained of any strength. "Why don't you just continue your little honeymoon with a boy who has about five of you, and we'll be going, eh? It was a mistake to come here, I see that now."
Alley felt a laugh escape her and she shook her head. "Really, Cass? That's low, even for you. And don't you talk about him!" She nodded her head towards John who was still silent and no longer looked amused. "He didn't take my virginity away from me and he hasn't made me do anything. And you know what? I don't give a fuck about who he has and who he fucks because we are not together!" She took a breath, looking past Cass at Paul for a few seconds. Their eyes locked and he seemed to know what was going to happen next. Silently he pleaded with her but she was way past reason now. "And you want to talk about man whores, Cass? How about the bastard standing behind you? He's not as innocent as you think he is. We fuckin' kissed before you ever had the courage to even think about doing so!" As soon as the words left her lips, she regretted them. It wasn't what she wanted to say to Cass-ever. But it was done.
Cassidy, being an avid reader of romance novels, was very aware of what betrayal sounded like and looked like, but she had never before FELT it. And fuck, it was the worst feeling in the world. The tears that had dried on her face suddenly ignited as she turned the brightest red she had ever managed. She could feel Paul's eyes behind her, and she could even picture his wide open mouth behind her back. But she had eyes only for Alley.
"I can't..." she breathed, "I can't believe you would..." She blinked, looking down, trying to form some harsh insult or bleak swear or even muster up enough energy to yell at Alley. But she couldn't. Paul, on his part, felt it was better not to say anything at all. That way maybe she would forget that he was there.
Alley's eyes were wide and she shook her head, speechless. She couldn't believe that she had just told Cass the one thing she planned on keeping from her forever. And she felt absolutely horrible. Paul was frozen behind Cass, obviously feeling the same as Alley did at that moment. She didn't want to look at John, fearing that he would be beyond pissed off but when she turned to him, he looked the same as he had this whole time. He wasn't mad or upset. Of course, Alley couldn't see the hurt that he felt in his own heart.
"Cass..." she began, struggling desperately to find the right words. "I'm so sorry. I didn't want to- it- it didn't mean anything, I swear."
Cassidy looked away from her, her breathing too fast and coming out in short little daggers. For the first time, her gaze traveled over to the half-naked John, who was reclining with a rather blank look on her face. She locked eyes with him, and though he wasn't showing it, she knew that they were exactly in the same boat. Wordlessly, she turned around, intending to walk right out of that room and never look back. But Paul caught her arm.
"Cassidy, stop, it was only a kiss." She looked open at him slowly, her brow furrowed, a certain numbness settling on her entire body.
"As opposed to what? Something that meant more?" She tugged her arm away, shaking her head. "Don't touch me."
And then she left.
The other three sat there in complete silence, all lost in their own thoughts and feelings. For the first time in a long time, Alley actually felt like she wanted to cry. But she held it in. As far as she was concerned, her world had just shattered around her and now she was staring at the jagged pieces all around her, wondering how she could even begin to pick them up and put them back together again. There was only one thing that ran through her mind just then.
Would they ever be the same again?
...
Cassidy sighed, staring right in front of her with a mournful expression on her face.
"Paul…listen to me. From the moment you first kissed me behind that bush, I knew you were going to be trouble. Trouble in the sense that I would probably fall hard for you, especially at the worst time in my life. Even though back then I didn't know what my life would be like now—hell, I hardly knew ANYTHING—I did know that you probably would always be a huge part of it. And you are. I think about you all the time.
"That's not to say that what we did was right. It wasn't. I think about it every day…and it doesn't help that half of me doesn't even care that I broke just about all my morals. I'm only fifteen, as are you. For some, fifteen is old enough. I believe you are one of those people. But for me…I'm not the same. Sex was painful, not fun. I wasn't naïve enough to believe the opposite, but I also thought being there with the person that I was MEANT to be with would make it better.
"I'm not saying that I don't think we're meant for each other. Then again…the odds are awfully low. I believe that in our lives, we are each meant to break the odds at least once. But somehow, I don't think this is our time. Last year, at this time, I'd never even been KISSED. Life is just moving too fast for me, and I'm sorry that you have to suffer because of that, Paul."
"Maybe when we're older…but hell, we both know how cliché THAT line is. Age doesn't bring necessarily bring wisdom; just wrinkles." At this point, she looked down at her toes, a little bit scared to say this next part.
"I dunno if you're in love with me…fuck, I don't even know if I love YOU. Anyway you have it, I think we need to take a break on whatever kind of twisted, mixed up relationship we have. You know, see other people. God knows you'll feel the need to sleep around a little bit." She let out a painful chuckle, the hurt evident in her eyes from just this thought.
"You hurt me, Paul. You hurt me bad. I don't think I've ever felt so…so battered and abused without even being touched. And while I know that you probably meant nothing by it—a mistake, maybe?—I can't ignore the fact that you kissed my best friend. You KISSED her, Paul. That may mean nothing to you, but it sure as hell means a lot to me. A kiss is always the beginning…and a beginning must have an ending. Any way you have it, I don't want to look at you—I can't—and I think it would be better if for the time being, you just stayed the hell away from me.
"Maybe one day…maybe we'll come back to each other in the end. Maybe our…whatever we feel…will just be stronger. Maybe our wrinkles will make us wiser."
Cassidy looked up finally, gazing back at herself in the floor length mirror that hung on her closet door. Her blue eyes were rimmed with red, a single tear running down her ample cheek. Her lips, usually bright red, were a dull pink, and her skin was paler than it had ever been, making her freckles stand out. She looked sad, worn out, and after that past couple of days that she had, it only seemed fitting.
She thought about the words that she had just spoken, words that had been floating around in her head for a quite a while now. More than anything, she wondered if she'd ever have the bravery to actually say them to Paul.
...
Catie AN: So...wow...umm...wow.
Addie AN: Ouch. That's all I can say.
Catie AN: Just so you know guys, that was totally unintentional. But nevertheless...wow...
Addie AN: Yeah. I mean, we didn't plan to have a fight at all and it just happened. I feel drained from that, almost like I actually lived it.
Catie AN: There were definitely some bitchy words exchanged. And not to change the subject-but George? Cuuuuuuutie.
Addie AN: Yes! Possibly the only bright spot chapter. Well, except the shirtless John. That's just- awesome yummy.
Catie AN: No. Ew. Dick. In. Pants. PLEASE.
Addie AN: Yes. Yes. And honestly? What's the point of having it in there?
Catie AN: Oh, God. Please keep your transsexual musings to yourself, please. AND I HAD AN ANOUNCEMENT!
Addie AN: Ahh shut-up. Anyway, yes that's right, what's this announcement?
Catie AN: Well, actually, there are three things. FIRST and most important: I have a panda hat. If you would like to see said panda hat go to my profile.
Addie AN: Oh how wonderful. Next?
Catie AN: SECOND: I am now a diehard fan of Death Cab for Cutie.
Addie AN: Dokey okey. Thirdly?
Catie AN: Noooooot telling. But he is not old, fictional, or dead. So that's something, isn't it?
Addie AN: Yup it's something. And I think I can understand how you're feeling. Let's just say crushes suck.
Catie AN: I think I've clarified this before: people in general suck.
Addie AN: Yes, that's true. You know what I've come to realize?
Catie AN: Mmm?
Addie AN: This is getting long. And people should REVIEW!
Catie AN: Wow. Oh, so deep. Okay, guys, REVIEW, or Addie will find YOU!
Addie AN: I will, you know.