Chapter 10 is up guys. Hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year. I've got a few exams coming up so may not update for a few weeks again after this chapter.

Hope you like it :)

Ned head the footsteps approaching the door of his solar and he sighed. He was not in the mood for company. It had been a tough few weeks for him, and based on the piles of paper on his desk, it wouldn't be getting any easier, and with Catelyn ill, he had to do it alone.

Shortly after arriving back at Winterfell after his visit to King's Landing, he had to leave once more to settle a dispute in the mountains. Clan Norrey and Clan Wull had been involved in petty arguments over land disputes and as Lord Paramount of the North, it fell to him to sort it out between them. Often he still did not feel prepared to act as Lord, he was not yet twenty-three and had received no training. At times like this he wished to all the Gods his father was still alive to guide him.

Not only were the mountain clans giving him headaches, but Lord Bolton had unexpectedly visited Winterfell in his absence. Seeing the flayed man banner in his home as he arrived back was not a sight that Ned liked. Apparently, the older man had simply wanted to see how his 'Southron bride' handled ruling Winterfell in his absence. Benjen and the Winterfell household were full of praise for Catelyn, but Bolton didn't seem too impressed. That didn't surprise Ned though, he wasn't sure anything short of allowing flaying back into the North would impress the man.

He had stayed for three days, and while he wasn't outright rude to anyone, he was still subtly cutting as he always had been. Ned finally deciphered the reason for his visit when Bolton expressed concerns that he had not named someone to be regent for Robb should anything happen to him. Ned had smiled inwardly as the Bolton was unable to hide his disappointment when Ned told him that Catelyn would rule as regent for Robb if anything happened to him. Bolton had argued that Ned should name a 'strong' Northern lord as Robb's regent, one who understood the region and who could guide Robb well. On the third day of Bolton's constant questioning of him, he snapped at Bolton, telling him his decision was final.

Lord Bolton had left soon after that, and for that Ned was grateful. His patience was thin as it was and Bolton had just added to his stress. And now as he read the letter from Jon Arryn, he felt like he was at breaking point. Jon had written to him explaining that Robert was worried about the Iron Islanders following several reports from Seagard and Lannisport. Jon felt that conflict could be avoided, but there was no doubt that tension was rising, and he asked him to make sure that the western shore of the North was manned, so he now had to plan to move men to the coast.

With the letters in front of him, Ned once more cursed the Mad King for the murders of his father and brother, forcing him to take up a position he was not ready for. Part of him knew that he had done well in his three and a half years as Lord of Winterfell. He was respected and well liked by his men, but he thought many of them would prefer his brother to him. At times it could even cloud his judgement as there would always be a conflict in his mind between doing what he thinks is right, and what Brandon would have done.

It still caused him pain to think on his siblings and father, and he assumed it would for the rest of his life. He was often plagued with thoughts that everything would be better if father and Brandon were still alive. Father would still be Lord of Winterfell, and Brandon would be his heir, next in line and fully prepared unlike Ned was himself. But every time he had these thoughts, that things would be better off as they were, Ned would catch a glimpse of a bright haired toddler, running around and screaming for joy and Ned realised he wouldn't swap his little boy for anything, not even his beloved father and siblings.

Benjen entered his solar and stifled a laugh at the sight of his brother, hunched over his desk, almost straining to keep his eyes open.

"You've been really dull the last few weeks. I mean, you're dull nearly all the time, but more so than usual."

"Thank you, Ben," Ned replied sarcastically. "I've got a lot on my mind, that's all." Benjen sat down in front of him, and grabbed some of the letters from his desk. "Benjen, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" He replied, with a smirk as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm helping you, Ned. Clearly you need it. Catelyn is ill and can't help you so I thought I'd make a good enough substitute. Plus, if I do one day rule Moat Cailin, I should be prepared for all of this stuff. Now's the best place to learn."

Ned smiled at his younger brother, grateful for his help. Ned knew that Benjen was filled with many of the same insecurities that he was, fearing that he will never be good enough to be a Lord. And the last few years had taught Ned that as a third born son, Benjen felt even less prepared than he did. Ned swore to himself, and to his little brother, that by the time Benjen is ready to move to Moat Cailin, he would be fully prepared to rule.

And despite his bad mood and want for no company, it was good to have someone to talk to as the tedious letters weighed him down. It dawned on Ned that he had hardly spoken to anyone all week. Catelyn had been sick and was bedridden, and he went to check on her but as Maester Luwin was not sure if it was contagious, she urged him to get his work done as she was fine alone. He had seen the boys, but only briefly and it had been Benjen who had taken care of them during the week. He felt slightly disappointed in himself that his work was taking time away from looking after Robb and Jon, but he knew his duties had to be done, whatever the cost.

They spent a while talking about unimportant things when out of the corner of his eye, Ned could see his brother staring at him intently, scrutinising him. Eventually Ned met his gaze and raised an eyebrow, wondering why he was staring.

"You've not been sleeping." Benjen's words were more of a statement than a question, and Ned was surprised that his brother could tell.

"Yes, I have." But Benjen only shook his head at Ned's reply.

"No, you haven't. You look terrible. And I don't mean you look fed up, I mean you look exhausted." Ned sighed, giving up on trying to hide the fact that he hadn't been sleeping, knowing Benjen would continue pressing until he received an answer. His little brother knew him better than anyone else and could read him like a book at times, in spite of his 'frozen face'.

"Okay, so I haven't been sleeping."

"Why?"

"It's not by choice, believe me. I just can't sleep."

"But there must be something keeping you awake. You look like you've not slept for a while. Surely Maester Luwin has something that can help you sleep."

"It's not the getting to sleep that's the problem, Ben. It's the dreams I have when I'm sleeping. They wake me up and then I can't get back to sleep."

"You have nightmares?"

Ned nodded at his brother, who looked rather shocked at this revelation.

Ned knew that nightmares were common among men who had fought in wars, but he didn't expect the frequency or severity that they came. They were always the same: the murders in the Red Keep, the bodies of Princess Elia and her children, holding Lyanna's hand as she passed, the men he cut down during the war. His mind always conjured up the same images at night, making him wake with a fright, afraid to close his eyes once more.

Before the war, Jon had warned him about how killing people, even those who are their enemies, can damage a man. He wasn't too concerned about Robert, who was far more boisterous, much more of a born soldier, but told Ned to be prepared for what comes after. Ned hadn't known what he meant then, but now he assumed that Jon was referring to living with the knowledge that you had killed a man.

It was different to dispensing justice. He didn't particularly like that either, but if he was executing someone, it was because they committed a crime. The men he was fighting in the war had committed no crime. It wasn't them who murdered his father and brother, it wasn't them who captured Lyanna, it wasn't them who ordered his and Robert's heads. It was the man they were forced to fight for.

He can still picture the faces of the first half dozen men he killed in his first battle, but beyond that, they all merge into one. And after the battle, he looked at the faces of the dead and saw not monsters, but humans. Fathers, sons, husbands, brothers, cut down fighting for a man they had likely never met. And that would stay with Ned for the rest of his life.

"I've had them since the war. But since I got the letter about the Greyjoys causing problems, they've come back, worse. With a possible war on the cards again, it's like I'm getting flashbacks."

The room was silent, a tense mood had settled. The silence remained until Benjen laughed and spoke, trying to lighten the mood.

"I haven't had nightmares since Old Nan used to tell us stories." That did make Ned chuckle, knowing the stories he was talking about. Old Nan certainly knew how to frighten children. "They were scary though. I used to have dreams about the army of the dead and giant ice spiders eating me. Brandon used to laugh at how scared I was."

"The stories used to frighten Brandon before you were born. He would never admit it, but he used to spend the whole night talking to me so he wouldn't sleep and have nightmares. He may haunt me forever for telling you he was scared."

They continued to talk amongst themselves, and thanks to Benjen's help, Ned managed to finish his work. He decided to go and see Catelyn, to check if she was feeling any better. As he walked down the corridor, he saw Maester Luwin with a boy on either side of him. As the boys saw him, they both grinned widely, and Robb came running towards him, Jon following after.

"Papa!" Robb shouted as he reached Ned and lifted his arms up, wanting to be held. Ned lifted him up and Robb giggled. As this was happening, Jon launched himself at Ned's legs, hugging them tightly. Ned ruffled Jon's hair

"Papa, we see mama!" Ned raised his eyebrow towards Maester Luwin, who had forbade the boys from seeing Catelyn in case her sickness was contagious, but the older man nodded.

"I do not believe the cause of her illness to be contagious, My Lord. The little lords may see her."

Both Robb and Jon beamed at that, and Ned took them from Maester Luwin's care, ushering them down the corridor but trying to get them to quieten down, in case Catelyn was asleep. Of course, getting Robb to be quiet was among life's hardest tasks because at the minute all the boy liked to do was talk as loud as he can.

By the time they reached Catelyn's chamber, Robb was still bouncing around, and Ned had to calm him down. He crouched down so he was at Robb's eye level and spoke to him seriously.

"Robb, your mother has been ill. When you go inside, you are not to jump around. Understood?"

Robb nodded, as did Jon. But neither boy had obviously listened because as soon as he opened the door and they saw Catelyn sitting up and smiling at them, they ran to her, jumping on the bed and wrapping their arms around her. Catelyn was as happy to see them as they were here, and listened intently as each boy babbled about nonsense. Ned stood by the edge of the bed, happy to watch the scene in front of him without interrupting.

"You sick?" Jon asked, breaking the happy conversation as he looked up at Catelyn with wide eyes, worried for her.

"I'm better now. I promise." She kissed both boys on their heads and they cuddled closer to her.

"In fact, the reason why I was sick is because I have a baby growing in my tummy. You will have a baby brother or sister." Both boys beamed at the news, and started jumping with excitement and it took Ned a minute to register what she had said.

He then looked at her and saw her staring back at him smiling, and he found himself smiling too.

"Truly?"

"Truly. Maester Luwin confirmed it this morning. It's why the boys are allowed in. I'm not contagious."

Ned had a smile on his face as wide as the boys did, and the four of them had their own mini celebration, happy about the fact that their family was expanding. Eventually the four of them fell asleep on the bed, holding each other close.