A/N - I am sorry, I sort of lost Heero's voice for awhile - here's to hoping i got it back, and that you haven't given up on me writing this.

Chapter 10

"How was your first day back at work, Heero?" Quatre said with his character smile as everyone sat around the table for a late dinner.

Startled at being addressed, Heero contemplated ignoring the question, but felt wrong about doing so. Whether or not Heero wanted him to, it appeared that Quatre cared, and Heero had a degree of respect for that care. Heero opened his mouth to answer, but no sound came out. Slightly embarrassed, Heero took a sip of his water and cleared his throat, "Good to be useful. I like working on the cars with Enson."

Quatre was startled in turn by Heero's candid response, and smiled even deeper. "I know Enson was excited to have you working with him again. Enson told me that some of his old customers are planning on driving all the way here just to have the two of you service their vehicles. You made quiet the impression with your skills as a mechanic, Heero."

"Ummm. . . thanks." Heero responded finally, unable to find the right words, and uncomfortable with compliment. When had he become so ineloquent? Certainly he had always been reserved in his speech, but he never remembered stumbling around words this much.

"So Heero" Duo asked a little too earnestly, "how about a movie tonight?"

"Ok." Heero replied, surprising himself in the answer.

"Really?! No way?! Sweet!" Duo exclaimed, almost bouncing in his seat. "What movie do you want to watch 'Ro?"

"Ummm, you choose" said Heero distractedly, still confused as to why he had said yes to Duo's request. Though Heero didn't raise an eyebrow to Duo slipping back into Dou's nickname for Heero during the war, the rest of the table exchanged interested glances. Duo and Heero appeared not to have noticed.

"Slasher movie then?" Duo said with a boyish grin.

"Not in this house" Quatre said firmly.

"Okay Quat" Duo smiled ruefully, "I will go explore the Winner's great movie collection! I hope you have something worth watching, Quat. Anyone else joining in movie night?"

Surprisingly, without revealing how much they were changing their plans, everyone decided to join in watching the movie. They all agreed to finish up a few things and meet up in the entertainment room at 7:00pm. When 7:30pm rolled around, and Duo still hadn't shown up with his movie selection, Quatre went to find him.

Duo was shuffling through the movie choices on the screen far to quickly to be actually inspecting them. Frustration and anxiety thrummed through Duo's muscles and posture as Quatre approached.

"Duo? Is everything okay? We are all waiting for you to start the movie. You still wanted to watch one, didn't you?"

"Fuck! Of course I do!" Duo raged. Then, as if realizing who he was talking to, Duo relaxed and lowered his voice, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, Quat. I just. . . I have been going through these movies since dinner, and I am freaking out. No matter what movie I pick, I keep thinking of things in it that could trigger Heero, and make him upset. He is finally doing something with me, with us I mean, and the last thing I want to do is scare him away again! I can't screw this up."

Duo slammed his hands on the viewer in frustration before continuing. Quatre waited patiently, understanding that Duo needed to let it all out before being able to take suggestions. As if on cue, Duo continued, "Over half these movies are about war directly, many even show case the gundams for God's sake! Most of the others talk about war implicitly. Drinking and guns are in every freaking movie besides the fucking kids movies. What do I choose?!"

Quatre waited for a minute making sure Duo was done. Finally he said, "Duo, why not pick a children's movie?"

"What?" Duo said, slightly indignant. "Well because. . ." but Duo dropped off as he began to understand.

"Why not make it a relaxing, non-hostile movie. I would love some childhood nostalgia myself. What was your favorite film as a child?"

Duo grinned. "I always loved that movie about that boy raised by apes? What was his name? Oh yea, Tarzan. I tried to tie ropes around the scaffolding at Father Maxwell's church and swing on them when I was a kid so I could be like Tarzan."

"Did it work?" Quatre asked, smiling.

Duo chuckled. "Not as well as I wanted, but I definitely got a broken arm trying."

"Well then it sounds like you've got your movie choiec then."

"Yeah, I do. Thanks for setting me straight, Quat. I just. . . we just got Heero back. I don't want to lose him again."

"I know. We all feel that way" Quatre said sadly, knowing full well that they all did not fear losing Heero in the exact way Duo did.

Duo bounced down the hallway, happy that his difficulty was solved. Quatre followed behind him, more heavy hearted. Duo sure knew how to make his life harder. When exactly had he fallen in love with Heero and how had Quatre miss it until this moment?

When Duo entered the room, he saw that Sally had joined them, and was snuggled up with Wufei in an easy chair that was meant for one person. Trowa was on the love seat, with an empty spot showing where Quatre had been sitting. Duo wanted take his customary place on the bean bag chair, but a second glance showed him that Heero was on the couch, alone, looking uncomfortable. Duo's heart ached that Heero felt so left out in their company. Duo knew from experience that unintentionally his friends could be excluding without realizing it when they were with their significant other. Without a word Duo selected the movie, pushed play, and plopped down next to Heero. With a nod towards Trowa, who was closest to the light switch, the room dimmed, and the young jungle boy's coming of age story began.

A half an hour into the movie Heero yawned deeply, suddenly exhausted and slightly overwhelmed at all the time he had spent with other people that day. Between breakfast, work, dinner, and the movie, he had barely had a moment to himself. Shuttering internally, Heero felt a strong need to be alone, felt that somehow all this time with the others was leaving him exposed in a way he did not want to be. Yet, the day had gone well, almost what he imagined a normal day in the normal life of someone would go, excepting his outburst with Enson. Unsure of what to do, Heero leaned his head to the left, supporting it on his hand, and the arm of the couch to feign sleep.

Quickly Heero found the position he had chosen was uncomfortable. His muscles began to cramp, and he knew sleep, real or otherwise, would not come. Heero had just decided to give up his attempts on faking sleep when arms pull him right, away from the couch arm and towards. . . a shoulder? No. . . a lap? Heero tensed at the human contact he did not initiate, as Duo gentle laid Heero's head on Duo's lap. Heero was moving to protest the contact, and retreat to his room to be alone, when a wave of relaxation swapped him, as Duo began the soothing motion of massaging Heero's head, and playing with his messy strands of chocolate hair.

Heero slumped in Duo's arms, unable to recall a time when he felt so calm and safe. Where are these feelings coming from? All desire to object to being on Duo's lap evaporated as overwhelming relaxation fell over Heero's mind and body.

Heero's eyes closed, and without realizing it, he moaned softly, and contentedly. Duo smiled down at the young man he was holding, and then returned his gaze up towards the movie, only to find that the whole room was staring at him. Duo felt a deep blush creep into his cheeks, though he tried to shrug it off. Duo settled for shrugging at them all, and returning his smiling attention to the movie, his hands still twisting locks of Heero's hair between his fingers.

Trowa exchanged a smiling look with Quatre, but upon seeing Quatre's concern, Trowa's expression fell. "What is it, Love? Are they so doomed that you cannot smile for them?" Trowa whispered to the little blonde empath he embraced.

"Duo has a hard road ahead if that is the one he intends to travel. I don't know if Heero can return his affection in the way Duo obviously wants. I am afraid they will both get hurt, maybe irreparably."

Trowa hugged Quatre tightly and whispered back, "I think we all have been injured irreparably because of the war, because of what it meant to be a gundam pilot. If anyone can understand and love Heero, despite being broken, it would be one of us who is just was broken; it would be Duo."

"I hope so."

"If not, Little One, we will here to help pick up the pieces. I don't think Duo is thinking Heero is ready for that kind of commitment. Sometimes love, the love we have for others, just spills out of us in ways we did not expect. I think Duo was just as surprised by his actions and Heero's response as anyone else."

At that, Quatre finally did smile. "I never really thought about them together, not until tonight when I realized that Duo is. . ."

"In love with Heero?"

"I think so, or if not, Duo is well on his way to becoming in love with Heero."

"Give it time, Love. Let's not doom them before they have a chance."

"Of course. Thank you, Tro."

"Always, my little Quatre with your over sized heart. How I love you."

Quatre blushed, and snuggled deeper into Trowa.

Duo felt Heero's chest rise and fall with the heaviness of sleep. Duo shook his head softly and smiled down at Heero's sleeping form, After all the time I spent picking out the movie, and you don't even stay awake for it? Sheesh. I should have guessed, this is you after all. I have only known you to sleep when you run yourself to the ground enough that falling asleep happens without your control. Have you slept at all since you came back to live here, Heero? Duo sighed, knowing Heero would not answer him if Duo asked.

The movie was nearing it's conclusion, when Heero began to stir in his sleep. At first just a small moan or two that could be dismissed. But then Duo felt Heero's breathing quicken erratically, and Heero's hands gripped the couch cushions desperately. Before long the whole room's attention was in Heero, tossing and turning in Duo's lap, unable to wake up from whatever terrible scene was haunting him.

Quatre shook with the weight of Heero's emotion and cried out in a whimper, "Duo, wake him, please."

Now the ending credits to the movie where rolling, playing some joyful song, clashing horribly with the desperation of the moment.

Duo took a hold of Heero's shoulder and nugdged him gently "Hey Heero, buddy, you gotta wake up now."

Heero made no response to Duo.

"Heero?!" Duo tried again, "Heero! Heero, wake up! It's over. The war is done. You won it for us. Heero!"

When Heero still didn't respond, Duo slapped him across the cheek, harder than he meant to. Heero bolted upright, drenched in cold sweat and eyes wide. Duo wanted to reach out to him, to hold Heero, to find a way of wiping away that animalistic fear and distress etched into Heero's features.

Heero looked around the room, plainly startled to see everyone around him, and then mortified that he had been so exposed in front of the other pilots. Panic rose in his mind and heart, mixing with the bile in his throat. Run! Heero's mind screamed at him, and Heero pushed off the couch and did just that. Vaguely he could hear someone calling after him, but that only quickened his pace. Heero shot out the front door and made it to the garden walk way before he dissolved to his knees, and began to sob.

Heero had dreamed of his training with Dr. J. God, there was so much pain. He felt like his humanity was being beaten out of him all over again, but this time it was fighting back. Heero dug his hands into the grass and tore at it, sobbing and gasping at once. He felt completely naked, and for the first time in his life, helplessly defeated. "Fuck!" Heero exclaimed. These dreams wouldn't leave me alone! Wasn't living through that shit enough?! Why does my mind have to replay them over and over again! I can't change it! I can't fix it! I can't go back! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

Shame and despair had the once proud and perfect soldier hugging himself in agony when Duo found him. Without a second thought Duo ran to Heero, and wrapped him in his arms tightly. "Heero, it's over. You are safe and here with me and the others. It's over" Duo babbled on.

"No!" Heero choked, trying to push Duo away, but giving up as soon as be began. His strength was gone. "That's it. It won't be over! I just want it to, and it won't! It fucking won't! I reliving it again and again and again. I can't do this. I can't."

"I know, Heero. It's too big to do all alone. And it's not fair. You saved the world more than once, you deserve nothing but peace and happiness, not this. Heero, I'm sorry. It's not fair. By all rights it is not fair. I am so sorry."

The others had followed Duo, and were now arriving in the garden, standing off, helplessly watching the scene play out before them.

Duo searched his mind for the right thing to say and do. His heart screamed out I love you, Heero! But Duo knew this was not the time or place for such a declaration, and knew that time might not ever come. Duo felt powerless in his own right, unsure of how to help this broken young man that he loved.

"You are not alone, Heero" Duo finally said. "That's what is different now. I don't know how to stop you from facing all these demons again, but I know that this time is different, because this time you don't have to do it alone. You have already won those battles and proven yourself the best. You have earned our love and admiration. You have nothing else to prove. Let us help. Please. . ." Duo trailed off, swallowing his own emotions.

"I can't. I can't do this. I can't do this, Duo. I can't" Heero whispered, looking down at his hands as if they could hold answers.

"Then don't, 'Ro. Don't. You carried us through many battles. Let us carry you through this one."

"I. . . I don't know. Wouldn't it just be easier. . . if I just went away?"

"No, you idiot. No, never. Don't you go anywhere on me."

"Not tonight. I'm too tired" Heero groaned, and he looked it, tired to his bones, and aged by the weight of the world.

"Then sleep, Heero. Sally said she has some stuff to help keep you from dreaming, it just might make you sleep for awhile."

"Ok" Heero said drowsily, not really comprehending.

"Okay it is then. Up you go, Pal. The garden is not place for a nap."

Heero nodded distractedly, but didn't move, leaving Duo to half carry, half support Heero back into the house. No one spoke as Duo laid Heero on his bed, and Sally administered medication to help Heero sleep. Everyone cleared the room as Duo climbed into bed with Heero, snuggling the already half asleep Heero against him.

Duo looked up momentarily to see Quatre looking at him from the doorway. "It's not what you think, Quat. I just don't want him to be alone, if Sally's stuff doesn't work and. . . that happens again. I don't want him to have to face that alone ever again."

"I know, Duo. Take care of him, and get some sleep yourself."

"You too, Quat. nighty night."