A/N: Jeez what a corny chapter title...
Chapter 9
In the Arms of an Angel
Bella's POV
"Jeez, Bells, I didn't hear a peep out of you last night," Jake said with a grin, the next morning at breakfast.
"That's because the tooth fairy slipped an antihistamine in my hot chocolate last night." I returned his smile, wryly.
I was clear-headed for the first time in days, but it made no difference; the ache in my chest still remained. It was becoming heavy, weighing me down, and I was really beginning to worry I wouldn't be able to hold it together for much longer.
Jake's grin broadened, before he added, "You coming tonight with me and Ness?"
"And Mike," I reminded him.
"Yeah, him too." He half rolled his eyes.
I shrugged with deliberate indifference. "I 'spose."
"Wow, don't hold back on the enthusiasm, Bells," he teased me before continuing. "You don't have to come. If you ask me, Mike's a douche."
I scoffed softly, wanting to agree with him. I wasn't very keen on spending any length of time with Mike, as friends or otherwise. There was something about him that was beginning to rub me the wrong way.
"Nah, I said I'd go,"—who knew, it could be a good distraction—"but I hope Mike realises that it isn't a double date or anything. Just friends," I stressed. In truth, I didn't even really want to be that.
"I'll make him realise. Don't stress about it, Bells. To be honest, I think I'd rather you be with The Princess, than Newton. He's such a pansy," Jake admitted, snorting openly to himself, before taking a huge spoonful of cereal.
I only stared at him, blinking, and having no idea whether he was serious or not.
Good bloody grief!
. . .
My denial began slipping, and I went through school with a genuine anxiety that I hadn't felt before then. It was almost like I was constantly on the verge of a full blown panic attack, and the fear of it actually happening began rivalling my fear over Kel.
It wasn't something I could mask, either, and it was blatantly obvious that Alice was aware of it.
"Bella, please tell me what's going on with you?" she pleaded, almost to the point of exasperation.
"Nothing is wrong with me, Alice!" I snapped, my face flushing angrily, but I didn't want to have to keep explaining myself.
She immediately hesitated, before her expression softened. "I'm sorry, Bella. I don't mean to upset you. I'm just worried about you."
I only sighed, heavily, immediately remorseful.
Alice was apologising for being more of a friend than I deserved. I desperately wanted to tell her everything—I had to get it out because it was beginning to shred me—but I didn't know how to tell her. I didn't want her knowing about my past, and I didn't want to face the possibility of Kel dying.
And I didn't want to go back.
"Don't apologise, Alice. You've been great. I-I just have a few things on my mind at the moment, that's all," I mumbled, dropping my gaze to the floor so she wouldn't see the guilt ingrained in my eyes.
Alice wasn't being her usual self, either. She was distracted again, but of course, I was too anaesthetised by my own pitiful, self-absorption to properly notice.
"Oh, Bella, I'm not going to be at Gym today. I have a doctor's appointment," she said to me, a little too casually, as we entered the cafeteria at lunch.
"Okay. . ." was all I offered in reply.
As Alice lined up to buy her food, I made my way to our table, not in the mood to eat. When I sat down, I expelled every molecule of air from my lungs before dropping my head in my hands. On top of everything else, this denial I was fighting to maintain was exhausting.
When I eventually looked up again, I realised Edward was sitting at the table gazing at me with a troubled look etched on his face. Immediately flustered, I quickly looked away.
"Hey, Bella—everything okay?" he asked, his voice reflecting was evident in his expression.
"Yeah, fine," I mumbled, without looking at him, and feeling my face flush the longer I could feel his gaze on me.
He didn't reply—something I was glad of . . . until I wasn't.
When I braved another glance in his direction a moment later, I realised his focus was no longer on me. He was gazing off into space, at seemingly nothing, his expression almost plagued.
I followed his gaze; he was watching Alice, and as I sat in contemplation over it for a moment, Alice herself plonked down; sliding a bottle of Coke in front of me.
"I know you said you weren't hungry, Bella. Don't be angry." She flashed me a quick grin.
Returning her smile awkwardly, I took the bottle in my hands. "Thanks, Alice," I murmured.
She turned to Edward then, shoving him playfully. "What are you doing here?"
He only smiled to himself before turning it on her, just as Rose and Jazz joined us.
This is when I noticed a change in Jazz's behaviour, as well. He wasn't as "hands on" as he usually was. Instead, he appeared consciously tender with her. Alice was still largely her usual self, and she accepted Jazz's affections without reacting to the change in him; though, she did appear to be somewhat preoccupied.
"I see you're still mute today, Bella—not to mention paler than usual," Rose spoke up, and of course, this attracted everyone's attention.
I only sat shrinking further into myself, irritated, and feeling my face prickle as a result.
"You sure you don't need to talk about anything, Bella? We're all here for you," Alice asked me delicately, unwittingly adding to my discomfort.
I huffed, shortly, sharply, instantly annoyed and absolutely detesting the fact that I was the subject of their conversation—like I used to be. The girl who everyone stared at and whispered about.
"Jesus, Alice—stop hassling me!" I snapped, as angry tears filled my eyes. "Don't you think I would have told you already if I wanted to? So kindly shove your pity down someone else's throat for once!" I was cruel, completely irrational, and I regretted it immediately.
I'd hurt her, and for a moment it was obvious, before her expression slowly gave way to anger.
"Fine, Bella. Maybe I will!" she replied sharply, before getting out of her chair in one defiant movement, and shoving it back in place.
And before I could apologise, she stalked away, with Jazz in pursuit; at least, after he'd openly glared at me, that is.
Immediately frozen by guilt and remorse, my gaze fell down to the bottle of coke I still gripped in my hands, too ashamed to face anyone else.
I was becoming something I didn't recognise.
When I eventually looked up, turning to Edward to apologise for my behaviour, I realised I was the only one still sitting at the table.
They'd all left.
A horrible wave of grief washed over me, and before I could comprehend it, it had already gained control of me. I felt like I was suddenly falling and I couldn't breathe; my chest was so tight it was burning.
With tears beginning to flood me, I clumsily got to my feet, all but knocking over my chair, before running out of the cafeteria. I headed to the parking lot with the intention of going home. I could feel myself coming apart and I refused to bring anyone else down with me.
I wasn't my mother.
Stopping for a moment to pull my keys out of my bag, I was suddenly grabbed by the hand and spun around, until I was facing Edward.
I only inhaled sharply in surprise.
"That was a really shitty thing you said, Bella!" he said coldly, his eyes boring into mine, accusingly.
I shrank away from him, and not only because he was right, but because I was beginning to feel like he was suddenly seeing me—seeing who I really was.
"Why the hell would you treat her like that?" he demanded, without waiting for me to answer, but the anger in his voice was already fading.
I shook my head, trying to get myself under control, but I was crumbling.
"I-I'm sorry," was all I could utter, my breath coming out in rasps, the tears blinding my vision.
He only stared at me, his forehead creasing deeper the longer his gaze remained fixed on me.
"Bell. . ." he began, his voice softening, but he didn't finish; he only continued to gaze at me, with blatant confusion.
And I couldn't stand it—I couldn't stand the way he was staring at me. I felt naked and exposed, and it was only increasing my panic.
"I-I'm sorry, Edward," I repeated, my tone wavering and reflecting the urgency I felt to get away from him. "I have to go home."
Turning away from him, I jumped in my car and started the engine, feeling his gaze remain on me the entire time.
As I drove home, sobbing and struggling to breathe past the absolute grief and panic that was beginning to feel like it was choking me, I came to a horrible acceptance. I was going to lose my best friend, the closest person I had in the world to me; the one person who had kept me alive, and I knew only one thing: I would never recover.
When I arrived home, I called Billy to let him know. I almost expected him to start screeching down the phone at me, for being a pain in the arse, good for nothing inconvenience. After all, that's what I was—that's what I was always told I was—but Billy was understanding, his rough voice full of compassion. So much so that I had to hang up the phone before I broke down again.
It was hard to comprehend sometimes: the unconditional love my uncle had for me.
In the house alone after, I attempted to keep myself preoccupied, afraid to stop and listen to the truth behind my thoughts. I cleaned the house, vacuuming, mopping and dusting, but it couldn't stop the fear or panic from anchoring itself in my heart. Or the realisation that I couldn't keep going on the way I was—in this denial. If I did, I'd lose the one friend who I valued more than any other since moving to Forks.
Alice.
Grabbing my car keys from the mantel, I raced out the front door, and was headed to Alice's house before I was really aware of it.
When I arrived I parked my car at the beginning of the drive way. I felt uneasy about parking right out in front; I'd driven Alice home a couple of times, but I'd never been in the house. It's not that she hadn't invited me in; she had, plenty of times, but I'd always declined, not wanting to run into Edward.
Edward, however, was the last person on my mind this time.
Hopping out of the Jeep, I pulled my jacket tighter around my torso, hugging it to me before I began walking down the twisting gravel road to the house. For the longest moment, I was worried I was lost and I wasn't at the Cullens at all. Alice had always insisted I drop her off at the beginning of the driveway, after all; none of what I was seeing was familiar.
Then of course, with still no sign of the house, the heavens opened up above me in true Forks style. I ended up running for the rest of the journey, and by the time I made it to the front door of the white Georgian house, I was drenched, mud splattered, and a gasping, trembling mess.
Reaching up to use the knocker, I hesitated, pausing to pull myself together for a moment. Then without warning, Edward walked straight through the door and straight into me. He almost knocked me to the ground, immediately reaching out to steady me, before I think he even realised who it was he'd collided with.
When he did look down at me, his eyes widened immediately in surprise. "Bella, Jesus! Are you okay?!" he exclaimed, his voice rising with alarm.
"Is Alice home?" I asked and that was as far as I got before I broke completely open.
I wasn't sure if it was impulse, or I was literally unaware of what I was doing, but as I burst into tears, I collapsed against him. At first he didn't move. In fact, he appeared frozen, as if he was unsure what to do, before slowly, I felt his arms encircle around me; pulling me fully against him as he all but carried me inside.
I was exhausted, exhausted from running down the driveway; from crying every night—from fighting the reality of it every day—that my legs felt like lead weights. I only clung to him, desperately trying to stop myself from drowning beneath the truth that I had finally accepted.
Sitting me down on a sofa in the front room of the house, Edward helped me out of my soaking jacket gently, before disappearing out of the room. He returned a moment later with a blanket that he draped gently around my shoulders, before kneeling down in front of me. He gazed at me, his forehead knotted with that same confusion; only this time it was increasing with concern.
I only sat before him in a pitiful attempt to pull myself together, but knowing I was failing miserably.
"Calm down, Bella," he urged me, his voice deliberately gentle, "and tell me what happened."
I opened my mouth to speak, but the words only came out of my mouth in a stutter as my chest jerked continuously through the tears. I couldn't stop them. They were flooding me, and I was drowning beneath them.
And Kel was dying.
This is when Edward pulled me against him, and wrapped his arms around me.
I instantly felt safe with him—it was such a foreign feeling for me that I was surprised I was so accepting of it—and before I could second guess myself, I completely relaxed against him.
"What is going on with you, Bella?" I heard him whisper to himself, his hot breath washing over the numb, cold skin at the side of my neck.
Closing my eyes, I let myself calm, before reluctantly pulling myself from his chest. He released me before hesitantly reaching out to wipe a wet strand of my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear.
Looking up, I caught his gaze; he smiled gently, before grabbing a box of tissues from the table beside the sofa.
"Thanks," I mumbled, my voice hoarse, before pulling a tissue from the box and wiping my eyes awkwardly.
His smile only broadened, before he sat beside me on the sofa, angling his body towards me. "Bella. . ." he began, but seemed to abandon it.
"I'm okay now," I mumbled, as a pre-emptive to the question it was obvious he wanted to ask.
This seemed to amuse him; though, why, I had no idea.
"Bella, the last thing you are is okay," he replied; he was serious, but his tone was light.
I only shrugged, sheepishly.
Tentatively, he took my hand in his, looking down at it for a moment before again meeting my eyes. "What happened, Bella?" he asked me one more time, almost resigned this time.
But could I tell him? Could I confide it all to him? Could I tell him about Renee?
There was just no way!
"I-I just need to speak to Alice," I replied, glancing away from him, my voice catching.
"Alice isn't back yet," he answered, as I felt myself waver again.
"I'm so sorry, Edward," I said sincerely, pleading with him to believe me." What I said to her. . ." my voice completely broke this time, and I paused, inhaling back fresh tears. "I didn't mean it."
He nodded in understanding, replying softly, "She knows."
Taking a heavy breath, I stared down at the tissue I still had clamped in my hand.
I could tell him about Kel. . .
Taking a resigned breath, and hesitating for several moments, I eventually opened my mouth to speak.
"My best friend in Australia, Kel—I've known her all my life—she-she was in a car accident, and they don't think she's going to make it," I admitted, and it was the first time I'd ever spoken it out loud—the first time I'd ever let myself believe it—and as my own words sunk in, I felt myself crumble beneath them.
"Bella—shit!" Edward replied, his voice softening, before once again slipping his arm around my shoulder, and pulling me against him. "I'm so sorry, but why didn't you say anything?" he asked, the confusion this time thick in his tone.
Clearing the emotion from my voice, I half shrugged, hopelessly. "I didn't . . . I didn't want to believe it."
His arms tightened around me, before he rested his chin gently on top of my head, and for a moment I closed my eyes, as the pain in my heart subsided—even if just a little bit. His arms were warm, very warm—almost toasty, and incredibly comforting, and right at the moment, he was all that was stopping me from sliding into the abyss I'd been fighting against all week.
"I-I slobbered all over your shirt," I mumbled, once he'd released me, feeling my face flame.
I heard his breath shoot through his nose in obvious amusement. "It's fine."
Meeting his gaze, I returned his smile, awkwardly, before he handed me another tissue.
"Are you going back to Australia to see her?" Edward asked me delicately after another pause.
I tensed, my heart accelerating in immediate panic. This was what I'd been dreading all along.
"Probably," I mumbled, my eyes dropping to the floor.
There was no response and when I braved Edward's gaze again, he appeared to be lost in thought.
"It-it's ... complicated," I elaborated with rising frustration, shaking my head.
It was clear he didn't understand; his expression only piqued further, before he eventually nodded. "Okay."
"I-I can't talk about it," I insisted, knowing I was sounding irrational again, but I couldn't help it. I wanted him to understand—to understand without mentioning my mother.
"Bella . . . I believe you," he replied, the tone of his voice lightening as a smile ghosted over his lips.
I dropped my forehead to my palm, frustrated at myself and feeling defeated again. "It's hard to explain, Edward, but . . . but," I paused searching for the right words to better explain it, but when it was obvious I had nothing, I reluctantly went with honesty, "I don't want to go back."
Of course, it left more questions than it did answers, but I continued to gaze deep into his eyes, silently pleading with him to understand.
And then he went and asked the million dollar question.
"What happened to you in Australia, Bella?"
I froze for a moment, having absolutely no idea how I could answer him. Then taking a heavy, resigned breath, and with my shoulders slumping in defeat, I explained to him the one thing I swore I never would, "My mother . . . d-didn't want me."
Again, I was met by silence. I looked up slowly, reluctantly meeting his gaze, wanting to shy away from the seriousness behind his eyes. It was clear he wanted to ask more questions, but he didn't; instead, he reached up and ran the back of his hand across my cheek so delicately his fingers barely grazed my skin.
It surprised me, and for the first time I became aware of the close proximity I was to him. I was noticing things about him I'd missed before; the flecks of gold in his eyes, his long curling lashes, and the stubble that aligned his jaw—his jaw that he was clenching and unclenching as his gaze lingered on me. Something that made my heart quicken, immediately making me conscious of it.
"Bella . . ." his voice had turned husky, as he continued to stare unfathomably into my eyes, "how the hell could she not want you?"
It was another question I had no answers for. A question I had no intention of debating or analysing, but it was out there now, and I couldn't take it back.
I shrugged, again glancing away from him, feeling my face deepen in shame.
He reached out to me then, his palm finding my chin, before he guided my gaze back to his.
"I'm sorry, Bella," he spoke, his voice dropping to a whisper, before almost appearing to hesitate, he inclined his head towards mine.
I froze.
Was he going to kiss me? Did I even want him to?
I continued to be flooded with this uncertainty, when his face got within an inch of mine and then paused.
"Are you okay?" he asked me.
He was so close he was out of focus, and I was beginning to sway. "Yes—no. I mean—shut up!"
And lose my faculties.
He broke immediately into a small amused smile, but I only blinked as his lips closed slowly over mine.
Why is it when your mouth is occupied you immediately need to breathe through it?
He pulled away fractionally, and I expelled my breath, before again his lips, firm, soft, and slightly open, pressed against mine.
I was tense, I felt awkward and stupid—and my eyes were open. I shut them quickly, attempting to ignore the tingling going on in my fingers and toes—not to mention in the pit of my stomach—before apprehensively reaching out to him.
This is when we were interrupted by the abrupt sound of a throat clearing.
Immediately pulling from Edward's embrace I looked up, my heart hammering in flustered panic, only to discover Emmett and Rose standing in the room before us, smirking.
"I hate to interrupt, Edna, but is Elfling and Dr Doolittle home yet?" Emmett asked, the obvious enjoyment he was getting over walking in on us plastered brazenly across his face.
"No, they're not back yet," Edward answered awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck without meeting Emmett's gaze, while a surge of blood travelled to the tips of his ears.
I smiled to myself.
Emmett nodded, his grin turning devious, before he turned his attention to me. "Is that your Jeep at the beginning of the driveway, Bella?"
"Um . . . yeah," I answered awkwardly, nodding simultaneously.
"Right. . ." he drawled teasingly, cocking a dubious eyebrow.
"How are you, Bella?" Rose spoke up. "You look a mess."
"Yeah. . ." was my moronic reply, but this was typical Rose, so I took no offence to it.
"Okay, well we'll leave you two to get back to it then," Emmett said, winking slyly, before pulling Rose with him out of the room.
Sighing to himself, Edward ran his hand forward through his hair, before turning to face me, and motioning to me with his index finger.
I hadn't realised, but I'd scooted to the other side of the sofa away from him.
Taking my hand in his, he got up from the sofa, pulling me with him.
"Come on," was all he said as he led me out of the room and into the kitchen, where he released me to open the refrigerator. Pulling out two cans of coke, he handed me one, smiling warmly.
I only smiled in return, being able to properly smile for the first time in days. I suddenly felt incredibly unburdened.
"We can wait for Alice in the back room, if you like? It's quieter in there, no chance of Emmett walking—" he stopped abruptly, suddenly unsure of himself.
My smile broadened, becoming softly audible.
"Is that okay?" He appeared self-conscious this time
"It's fine, Edward. I don't think you'll bite me," I teased him lightly.
When he smiled again, a little of his charm crept back into it. "Well, I wouldn't believe everything you've heard about me, Bella."
I wasn't sure about that, though. I'd heard a lot about him, after all.
He led me into the family room off the kitchen; it housed two sofas and a coffee table, amidst several potted plants. Aligned along the walls were various framed pictures of Emmett, Alice and Edward from chubby babies to their present ages.
Breaking into a curious, amused grin, I went over to inspect them closer; taking a particular liking to the twin cherubs lying on a blanket together without a stitch of clothing on.
Hearing Edward groan good-naturedly from behind me, I turned back to him almost chuckling. "You and Alice were terribly cute."
He exhaled an embarrassed sort of breath. "Okay, but you do realise that you now owe me a baby photo of you."
I frowned, before I was barely aware of it, faltering—not wanting to admit that there were no baby photos of me.
"Sure," I mumbled, breaking eye contact with him for a moment—and all but giving it away.
Taking a deliberate breath, and drawing my attention back to him, Edward sat down on one of the sofas; motioning for me again to sit next to him.
Sitting beside him, I gripped my can of coke in my hands and looked down, awkwardly. I was finding it increasingly harder to look him in the eye—for various reasons. Mostly because I feared he now knew too much about me.
"Hey?" he said softly, grabbing my attention by donging my knee playfully with his closed fist. I looked up at him. "I hope she makes it, Bella," he said, his tone dropping, seriously.
I smiled at him, knowing it was fractured, but didn't allow my thoughts to linger on it. "Yeah. . ."
"I . . . I know what it's like to lose someone. . ." he admitted, quietly.
I looked over at him just in time to see a flicker of pain cross his face. "Who—?" I asked, but immediately let it go.
"My dad," Edward answered softly, pausing to clear his throat; making it evident that it was difficult for him to talk about. "He died when Alice and I were ten."
"Oh . . . I'm sorry. . ." I whispered, rubbing my brow heavily with immediate guilt, feeling more and more terrible over the way I'd treated Alice.
"I'm okay now, I guess, but it never really goes away," he mumbled with a helpless shrug of his shoulders.
I only gazed at him for a moment, feeling the warm smile curve on my lips. "Thanks, Edward, for . . . listening to me," I broke off and bowed my head, feeling suddenly self-conscious. "I must have seemed like a nut case when you first saw me, huh?"
He broke into a soft, responsive laugh. "Not quite a nut case."
"Do I really look like a mess?" I asked, before I was hit by immediate mortification, not believing I had actually asked him that.
Of course, his grin only broadened, and I wasn't sure if he found me amusing or he was just trying to charm me.
Leaning closer to me, he all but placed his lips against my earlobe, before answering huskily, "You're not a mess, Bella. What you are is incredibly adorable."
I faltered, completely lost for words for a moment. At least that was my initial reaction. My second was one of pure cynicism, and this time, with the smirk growing rapidly across my face, I practically scoffed.
"Seriously?" I asked him, unconvinced, quirking a dubious eyebrow.
He only gazed at me for a moment his mouth all but falling open, before he paused, his expression furrowing. It was him who seemed lost for words this time, before he released it, along with his breath, and broke into an eventual smile. "Bella . . . if I kiss you, will you turn to stone again?"
For the second time I was speechless, but Edward didn't allow me to answer, regardless. In the next moment, his lips were pressed tenderly against mine, his body so close I could feel the heat emanating from him.
This is when we were interrupted a second time.
I pulled away from him, my head spinning, my senses sluggish, and this time found myself staring up at Alice; who was staring back, a broad, all too knowing grin on her lips.
Beside me, Edward dropped his head into his hands, groaning softly to himself as Alice continued to smirk at him in full amusement, before she turned her attention to me.
"I thought that was your car in the driveway, Bella. What's it doing so far away?" she teased me.
But before I could answer, I recalled the reason for my being there, and jumping up from the sofa, I threw my arms around her.
"I'm so sorry, Alice," I blurted out, choking back fresh tears before apologising to her repeatedly and tightening my arms around her.
"Bella, what—" she broke off, appearing surprised at first, though her tone was soaked with concern.
When I looked at her she was staring at Edward, flashing him a bewildered look.
"Come on, let's go chat in my room," she suggested, flashing me an encouraging smile, before grabbing my hand and leading me toward the stairs.
I told her about Kel—careful not to give too much away about Renee, but telling her more than I'd confessed to Edward—and my fear of returning to Australia. It was still so wretchedly difficult to talk of Kel possibly dying, and again just the suggestion of it felt like it was piercing my heart. Holding the tears back was near impossible, so again, for a moment, I surrendered to them.
"God, Bella," Alice whispered, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "I'm so sorry."
I only nodded, attempting, futilely, to dry my eyes as fresh tears continued to fall.
"Promise me, Bella, that you will come to me next time—instead of bottling it all up inside again?" she insisted, breaking the silence with only semi-teasing sternness.
Exhaling heavily, I nodded again, conceding, as I pulled myself together.
"I'm so sorry, Alice," I confessed a moment later, still so plagued by guilt. "I can't believe how terribly I treated you."
"It's fine, Bella. I knew something was seriously up with you, but I've been a bit edgy today, as well," she confessed, her expression for a moment darkening.
"You-you said you had a doctor's appointment—are . . . you okay?" I asked, tactfully, feeling a ripple of panic at the very idea that Alice might be very sick.
She nodded, frowning, and appearing distracted for a moment. "Yeah, I have to every few months."
I only gazed intently at her, holding my breath, without fully realising it.
Snapping her head back to me, she smiled a little self-consciously. "I guess you've heard that I had Leukaemia?"
I nodded, feeling myself relax a little as she described it in the past tense. "Nessie said something about it. . . "
She shrugged as if to say it was no big deal, but the look in her eyes immediately contradicted her. "It was two and a half years ago. I had Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia," she explained, pulling a face as she sarcastically sounded it out. "I've been in remission for eighteen months, but I have to get an MRI scan and bloods done every few months to make sure it hasn't come back."
I immediately recalled Edward and Jazz's behaviour around her during lunch that day. It made perfect sense, and I cringed further when I thought of what I'd said to her.
"Bloody hell!" I sighed heavily, the guilt once more closing in on me. "I'm so sorry, Alice."
"No more apologising, okay, Bella? It's fine," she insisted warmly, breaking into one of her optimistic smiles.
"When do you get the test results back?" I asked her, running my hand through my hair subconsciously; it instantly became tangled in it.
She shrugged again. "In a couple of days."
"Of all the days to chuck a mental at you, Alice," I whispered, releasing my breath and lowering my eyes momentarily, ashamed.
Her smile, although sympathetic, was hedged with amusement. "You had good reason to chuck a mental. I understand, really."
Taking another heavy breath, I asked apprehensively, "Do-do you think I should go home?"
"No. You're clearly not ready," she replied, her tone serious.
"I don't want to think about her dying. I can't. . ." I confessed in a whisper.
"Oh, Bella, just know that I'll be here for you, and so will Edward." At the mention of her brother's name, her expression immediately turned sly, and as she continued to gaze at me, a shrewd smirk grew slowly across her face.
My face only burned brazenly in response, and I broke into a small abashed smile, feeling completely exposed.
"So . . . what's going on? I walk in the room and I discover you making out with my brother," she teased me, her brow raised.
"We weren't making out! We just had a . . . moment. . ." I confessed, biting my lower lip to prevent my face from completely breaking into hives by how flushed I could feel it turning.
"Uh-huh." Alice grinned knowingly.
"Alice, stop it," I mumbled, breaking her gaze.
"Well? I'm waiting. . ." she said to me, raising her eyebrows expectantly when I again met her eyes.
"What . . . are you waiting for?" I asked blankly.
Sighing shorting, almost huffing, she rolled her eyes. "For details, you dope. Spill it!"
Taking a deep breath, and with a ferocious blush penetrating my face, I explained in sketchy detail what had happened up until the moment she walked in on us. And much to my continued surprise, I could barely speak a single sentence without stuttering, nor disguise the fact that as I relayed it, my hands openly shook.
And soon my thoughts became more consumed by my reaction to it, than what had actually happened.
Naturally, Alice broke into whole-hearted laughter. "Poor Edward. Emmett will never let him live this down."
I only smiled, awkwardly again, my gaze falling to my lap.
"Edward is my brother, so it was a total cringe-fest for me, but otherwise I'd say that it was the sweetest thing I've ever heard," she concluded, once her laughter had died down, and before her expression turned slightly more serious. "Let's just hope he can get through another day without screwing up."
. . .
It was close to five when I rose to go home. I was reluctant; especially with the knowledge that I'd agreed to go to the movies tonight with Ness and Jacob. I had this nagging feeling Nessie was trying to set me up with her brother, and I wasn't in any frame of mind to fight off Mike's lecherous affections.
"Come on, silly, I'll walk you to your car—that's sitting five miles away," Alice joked, linking her arm through mine as we made our way back down the stairs.
As we passed the living room, I noticed Edward—very conveniently—hanging out in the darkened room. But then I was becoming more and more cynical regarding him. My better instincts told me I needed to be on guard, and I wasn't sure whether it stemmed from my experiences in Australia or from Edward himself.
"Edward!" Alice called to him. "Come and walk Bella and me to her car. It's so far away we might get attacked by wolves."
Edward only appeared to smirk to himself, before coming to join us.
We had not walked ten metres beyond the front porch when Emmett appeared, calling to Alice that Jazz was on her phone.
She turned to me, appearing uncertain.
"It's okay, Alice. You go. I'll see you at school tomorrow," I reassured her, flashing her a warm, grateful smile.
Throwing me an almost knowing grin in return she hugged me quickly, before turning to Edward, her smile turning to a sly smirk. "You be a gentleman, now."
A/N: First kisses are always awkward, aren't they?