Chapter 9: Screw the Nether
The problem with the Nether, aside from the monsters and the near unbearable heat, was the fact that there wasn't a day or night cycle. After what felt like hours of watching Honeydew mine, he finally hit a cavern, where we stopped to rest. Honeydew plopped down on a large rock, promptly passing out. Lewis patted the dwarf's stomach, sitting beside the rock and resting his head back. Mitch took a seat atop a round boulder, Martyn sitting at the base of it. Sky sighed, leaning against the wall on the far side of the cavern. I sat at the entrance.
"Now what?" Sky yawned. "It feels like we've been at this for hours. We need to come up with a plan of some sorts."
"Agreed," sighed Lewis, barely lifting his head. "But right now the best thing we got in behind us. The portal is shot, the water is almost gone, we don't have much tools."
"Thanks Mr. Negative," grumbled Mitch, patting the rock to a nice rhythm.
"I'm just stating the facts," commented Lewis, sitting up slightly. "If you've got any ideas, please, do share!"
"Really, we're gonna fight now?" I snapped.
"We're all just irritable from walking and the heat," mumbled Martyn. "We just need to rest and cool down."
We all shifted slightly, mumbling under our own breathes under silence finally fell upon our motley little crew. Nonetheless, I could still hear every huffed breath. Everyone was tired, no doubt pleading for a cool rain to come out of nowhere and drench us. At some point, Mitch stopped beating the boulder, lying back. A few moment later, however, Martyn began to hum with a little grin on his face. Before long, he began whistling.
I knew the tone. I think its from "moves like Jagger." Martyn seemed to be enjoying himself as he sang it, quickly getting Mitch's attention again. Nodding to the sound, Mitch grinned, returning to the rock as a sort of drum and adding a beat to Martyn's whistling. Lewis sat up again, looking curiously over at the two. Sky sighed, slipping down until he was seated. After a few seconds of peaceful music, Martyn opened his mouth and added lyrics.
"It's deep undergrooooound…past the bedrock but don't dig straight dooooooooown, you'll regret that…but now you feel braaaave, equipped with your spade, to roam in these caaaaaves," sang Martyn.
Mitch added a similar whistle as before between the lines.
"Not looking for goooooold; this stuff's purple, or so I've been toooold…by some people!" Martyn quickly gestured toward Lewis who laughed slightly. "I'll find a few briiiicks when the two of these miiiix with a couple of cliiiiicks."
Martyn leapt to his feet, holding onto an imaginary microphone, "I'll be swinging my pick!"
Lewis was struggling not to interrupt with laughter. Mitch kept the beat steady, watching Martyn for changes. I could even see Sky grinning. Honeydew, however, still seemed unconscious.
"This is all the prep that I go throooough, even though my tools are just make-doooo," Martyn struck a pose. "Moving to the Nether! I'm moving to the Nether! I'm moving tooOOoo the Nether!"
Lewis nudged Honeydew awake.
"Ten blocks in the magical totaaal, and that's enough to build up my portaaal. Moving to the Nether! I'm moving to the Nether! I'm moving tooOOoo the Nether!"
Lewis jumped up, throwing an arm around Martyn's shoulder.
"Welcome to Heelllllllll! Weather's great here! So pull up a chaaaaair and have a cold beer!" Lewis sang. "You can live by the seeea. So happy you'll beeee with your cobblestone treeee!"
Lewis pulled away, shouting, "Oh!"
Martyn covered his mouth trying not to laugh.
"The neighbors aren't riiiight, they're delicious," continued Lewis. "We eat bacon all niiiiight, it's nutritious." He drew his blade, sticking it out as if preparing for battle. "Hear all of them squeal with damage I deal! There's plenty to steal…"
"Hack and slash! Gold nuggets I'm rich!" cheered Martyn.
The two linked arms, falling into complete sync.
"Who cares if we're giving up sunliiiiight! Glowstones all we need to keep things bright! Down here in the Nether! We love it in the Nether! You'll love it iiiiiiiin the Nether! Don't expect to see any Creeperrsss! That's one of my fav-o-rite featuressss! Down here in the Nether! We love it in the Nether! You'll love it iiiiiiiin the Nether!"
Suddenly Honeydew stood upon one of the rocks, gaining everyone's attention as he raising his arms out.
"You've got to knoow you have to fiiiight! Learn to play, there's mobs but its not niiiight! A wood sword won't do it. They're gonna blast right through it. If you got a potion, use iiiiiiiiiiiiit!" His voice sounded like it struggled during that last note. He continued nonetheless. "So watch your back! I won't warn you twiiiice." Again it struggled. "Fight the ghast! Oooh! Made you cry!"
Sky got to his feet. Lewis pulled away from Martyn again. Mitch grinned wildly.
"They'll shot the ground around you! Make a hole to fall through! You know you're probably gon-ooh! Ah! Ah! Eeh! Yah!"
Martyn jumped back in. "In the lava again!"
All three of them grinned, looking at one another. I felt out of the loop slightly.
"Feels like hell, the things I've just been throooough. Won't believe a word when I tell you…You know what, screw the Nether! You know what, screw the Nether! You know what, screeeEEEeeeew the Nether!"
Martyn's voice carried better than the other two.
"Can't believe I lost my new gear too. Think I'd better come and rejoin you. You know what, screw the Nether! You know what, screw the Nether! You know what, screeeEEEeeeew the Nether!"
Lewis stepped forward, holstering his sword again.
"That's it! I'm sick of this place! It sucks!" Lewis shouted, obviously not singing. "It's too hot, it never rains! I'm sweaty. All my clothes are dirty, filthy and on fire! I'm absolutely sick of this place! Ah - umm - I-I miss nature…all the pigs, the cows and all of that… sheep 'n' stuff! I didn't think I'd miss it, but I do! Oh, my God! How sad…I wish, I wish I could just return to the normal world again."
Lewis collapsed back to his position beside Honeydew's rock. He grinned happily, though the beat had stopped.
"Bye," he chuckled, snorting slightly.
We all broke into laughter. That was a wonderfully random jam session. The laughter died down slowly until an awkward silence remained. We weren't sure what to do after that. We all had that same thought on our minds now though. Screw the Nether.