Chapter 10: There's No Time for a Fuss or a Fight
Toaster emerged from sleep at the touch that traced the curve from her neck to her breastbone.
"Hm?" she asked, still foggy as Kirby's lips kissed the hollow of her throat.
"It's morning. I have to shower," she heard him say.
"Mm. Okay." Sleep was still too heavy on her, though it relented to the hand cupping her breast.
"Kirby," she moaned, trying to turn her back to him. "You're worse than radio!"
"Don't compare me to that loudmouth." The words lacked their bite as Kirby placed a kiss on the thigh she unintentionally presented him.
"Then let me sleep!" she begged, even as her senses flared with his touch. Kirby's low laugh and caress on her bottom insisted that he would do nothing of the sort. He grasped her shoulder to turn her over and sat her up, against her grumpy pleas.
"I want you awake when I come back." He cut off her why with a firm kiss on her mouth.
"It's not time to get up!" Her internal clock knew better, even with the faint darkness.
"Yes, it is." Toaster flared at the brisk pat to her head, and cocked open one eye to watch him move around the room. He picked up and shook out the clothes they'd left strewn in a path from the door. He hung up her dress and cardigan, while laying his own slacks and shirt over the armchair.
"Rob will be expecting you in the clinic," Kirby said.
"No, he won't. It's Sunday." Toaster raised an eyebrow. "You knew that!"
Kirby's grin was at least sheepish.
"Kirby!" she groaned. "You're trying to get me up too early!"
"I would never." Toaster hurled a pillow at him, laughing despite herself as Kirby ducked into the bathroom. They had the morning to themselves again. She wanted to learn more about cooking, and Kirby had promised Belgian waffles.
While she was thinking about it, she reached for the little container Kris had given her and swallowed one of the tiny pills. She tried to roll over and go back to sleep, defiant, only to find her dreams sleepless and filled with him. Exasperated, she set about straightening the covers and retrieving the pillow from the floor instead.
A folded paper fluttered out at her feet.
"Hm? Kirby, did you drop this?" The shower was already on. She doubted he heard her. Toaster shrugged and bent to pick up the note.
Her fingers recoiled as she read the words scrawled on the front: The Toaster and the Vacuum. As though a ghost had touched icy hands to her back, Toaster caught her breath and stared hard at the note. When she did finally pick it up and unfold it, her hands were shaking and her heart thundering a terrible beat.
Written in long, shaky letters, the note read, "Wittgenstein contacted early morning. Studied test results again. Says reverse still possible. Tell Ratso to call when ready to change."
When ready to change. When ready to change. A strange daze fell over Toaster; a sudden longing and connection to a past that seemed ethereal as the days had gone on. Memories of kitchen countertops, electric surges, watching from high places, sped across her soul.
Then Kirby's deep voice rang out above the running water. As Toaster listened, she could make out the words to "An Eternal Flame". Her eyes closed, and memories of the evening played before her. When they had finished rushing by, memories of sound and touch affected her; Kirby's touch. A strange new part of her stirred with uneasiness.
She folded the note several times until it was a tiny cube in her hand, then she stuffed it into her cardigan pocket. When Kirby finally emerged, warmed and energized from his shower, he found the toaster lounging on the pillows, waiting for him with an expectant smile.
He had no idea how her heart stung her with the little lie she had hidden away.
For the rest of the day, Toaster avoided Ratso and any other appliance at all costs. She was almost afraid that Kirby would sense her guilt. She worried each time Kirby went into the kitchen that Ratso would jump at the opportunity to share the good news. But with Chris and Rob fiddling around in the house, and Robbie demanding Kirby's attention every minute, Ratso never had a chance.
Perhaps elated by their first real attempt to cultivate their relationship, the vacuum noticed nothing strange about her at all.
About 4:00pm came a new distraction: she got her first chance to ride a bicycle. Chris, on hearing her describe the park, had instantly dragged her out to the shed to find the old bicycles she and Rob once used.
"I've haven't been out for a ride since Rob was born," she explained, wiping the dust from the weather worn seat of the green roadster. "It's gets uncomfortable after a time. I might as well take the chance while I have it!"
Toaster could hardly contain herself while she and Chris cleaned the bikes and aired the tires. As soon as Kris declared them ready, she threw her leg over the bike and jumped up on the seat.
And immediately tipped over.
The elation of riding had to be postponed while Kris taught her balance and controlling the handlebars. For the next hour, she wobbled in the seat, practicing controlling the handlebars while pumping her legs at the same time. Most of the practice was further postponed as they taped bandages to her knees and elbows. Toaster was anything if not determined, and by the time Kirby came outside with Robbie, she was gliding along with Chris to the end of the street and back.
"See? I did it!" she yelled at him as she rode circles around him in the driveway.
"Watch yourself," Kirby shot back, as Robbie waved at her. His concern seemed to be more for her than himself, however, as he proceeded to snap other directions at her when she broke for the street again:
"Stay on one side of the road!"
"Watch out for that car!"
"Ease up on that turn! You nearly crashed!"
"John, relax!" Chris finally told him, making her way up the driveway once more. "Thea's got this! And she picked it up quick."
"She's always been a fast learner," Kirby agreed, grudgingly.
Toaster, already flushed from her efforts and the thrill, blushed still further at his praise. "Kirby, you have to try this! It's like flying!"
"No thanks," Kirby replied, firmly. "I wasn't made for flying. Cars are good enough for me."
"Well, we'll just have to get you a driver's license, then," Chris teased.
Kirby's eyebrows rose, as if the thought, albeit new, was not altogether unpleasant.
"Here, take this, would you?" Chris held out her bike for him. "Thea will show you where to put it. I'll take Robbie in." Kirby traded her the toddler for the bike, and Toaster led him to the shed.
"So, was it what you expected?" Kirby asked, as she trotted beside him.
"A lot more work than I thought," Toaster admitted, wincing as the band-aids caught at her skin. "But the most wonderful thing I've tried."
"The most wonderful?"
"Next to sex, obviously!" Toaster fluttered her eyes up at him as they paused by the shed door, pleased when he roared back his head in laughter. They took some time to situate the bikes inside; the shed was barely large enough to fit Kirby.
"I think I'll get my own bike the next time we go into town," Toaster remarked, carelessly as she leaped out into the open again. "What do you think? Can our next date be a bike-buying event?" She glanced back to find him still standing in the shed, head bent to avoid knocking it against the ceiling. "Kirby?"
She peered around him to see what he was staring at, and sucked in a breath.
There, among the old lawnmower and rusty cans, lay his old vacuum form.
"Oh." She shivered, knowing exactly how he felt.
"I…is that…was that…really what I looked like?" Kirby's voice shook.
When ready to change. Toaster didn't look around. She didn't want to. A strange ghost prickled her skin as she sensed that her own toaster form was somewhere in the junk as well. She tugged at Kirby's arm.
"Come on," she urged him, wishing she had the strength to move him. Her touch roused him, and he turned away, albeit slowly to walk out of the shed. Toaster quickly closed the door and bolted it, heart thundering as she tried to close up the memory.
Kirby walked back to the house as though in a dream.
"You know, this didn't seem entirely real until I saw…it," he said. "We really are…I guess…I guess I'll never be…it…again." His arm held her tighter.
Toaster's heart twisted, thinking of the note. She didn't say a word.
Monday brought some relief, as Chris announced at breakfast that she was skipping work to take Kirby into town.
"We seriously need to restock this kitchen, and I can't think of anyone who is better suited for grocery shopping!"
Kirby protested only mildly-who would look after Robbie…?
"We'll take him with us!" Chris insisted. "It'll be his first ride in our new van! And I can drop you guys off at the park on our way back! We'll just pack up the stroller! " She sounded sincere enough, but Toaster caught a tone of something eager in her tone.
Rob seemed to be in on the secret, too, judging from the wink he gave her.
Whatever it was, Toaster quickly added her own consent to the plan. Anything to keep him away from Ratso, who spent all of breakfast making gestures towards the junk drawer and the computer. Kirby didn't notice at all, but Toaster's heart plummeted with every pleading look Ratso sent her way.
What is wrong with you? She berated herself at every turn in the clinic. Don't you want things to go back to normal? Don't you miss being a Toaster? It's nearly September; you've been human for nearly two months?
But it was just enough to adjust to being human. The sensation of clothes no longer bothered her, nor brushing her hair, or washing her face. It was so natural.
And Kirby…wonderful, loving Kirby with his gentle, eager touch and his nightly affection.
How could she give all of that up now? How could anyone ask her to?
You're a toaster.
No. I'm so much more now…
Rob had to snap his fingers before her eyes to get her full attention.
"I've never seen you distracted," he said.
"Sorry."
"No, no! You're fine! I just have something for you." He was near to bursting with whatever secret he had.
"Okay, what's up?" she said, glad to grin as she watched him.
Rob didn't answer. Instead, heading for his desk, he produced a folder with a flourish from by his computer.
"This," he claimed, holding it out.
Toaster accepted it, looking it over curiously. Inside were application forms and instructions for a local college…a program…
"For a veterinary certificate?" she gasped, catching the key words.
"Well, veterinary assistant." Rob was nearly breathless as he rushed to explain. "The program is nine months, if you take at least two classes per term. But you'd be able to work with me here, full time. And maybe, you'd be ready for a full certificate in time."
Toaster could hardly breathe. "This…this is wonderful!" Me? A veterinarian? Looking after animals?
"So, you're interested?"
"Yes!" She flung her arms around his neck, scattering the folder everywhere.
Rob chatted on about times and dates for setting up, getting her the right forms, taking her to visit the campus and the administrators. She helped him gather up the forms again, head in the clouds.
A real veterinarian. Dr. Thea Masters…
Your name is Toaster.
And the panic was back. The terrible note which should have been the end to their trouble.
Toaster's excitement deflated. She swallowed back a thick lump.
"Something wrong?" Rob asked, catching her despair.
Toaster shook her head. "It's just…I don't know if I can."
Rob's eyebrows rose. "What? Of course, you can! You're a natural at this!" His hand swept across the clinic. "You've been the best assistant I've ever had! And I know you love doing it." Toaster tried not to wince as he studied her. "Is it the money? Chris and I already talked about helping you with that. And the school offers excellent loan programs. It'll be worth it, I swear!"
"No, it's not that." Toaster's voice caught. "I just…I don't know…"
"Think it over. Please, Thea?" Rob squeezed her hand. "You owe it yourself not to pass up this opportunity. Talk it over with John. I'll bet he won't let you turn it down!"
Toaster wasn't so sure about that.
Kirby's fingers tapped the diner table, keeping up a steady beat. His other hand held the self-business questionnaire before his eyes, reading everything through again.
1. What is the name of your company?
2. Will you do the cleaning yourself, or will you hire others?
3. Will you apply for a business license?
"Business license," he murmured, looking across the table at Chris.
The woman could barely contain her excitement. "The lady at the class said the process is relatively painless. She gave me the IRS website so we can check the rules to see what you need to get started."
"Get started," Kirby echoed, too stunned. He wiped ketchup from Robbie's chin before looking at the questionnaire again, finding himself too flustered to focus on any given word. "You want me to start my own cleaning business?"
"Well, why not?" Chris leaned across the table. "Look what you've done for me! For my house! I've never been able to get everything so clean and neat since I moved here! And I know plenty of people who would want your expertise!" She tapped the rim of her coffee cup. "There's the Johnsons down the street…the apartment complex over on Lee BLVD: they haven't been able to keep a cleaning service since they started…"
"But…but…I don't know anything about keeping a business," Kirby protested. He was starting to wish Toaster had come. She'd encourage him, or talk him out of it.
"That's what I'm here for!" Chris' smile had never been so large in her life. "I know you don't care much about the money, but this would help you and Thea, and would be a life saver for me, too! Between Robbie and another baby, I'm going to be needed at home full-time! I'll keep your accounts for you and advertise! We'll be partners in this!"
"But, what about Robbie?" Deep regret cut through the excitement Kirby began to feel. "I won't be able to take him to the park anymore."
"Of course, you could!" Chris laughed. "I mean, I can't believe he doesn't wear you out, but that could be the other part of the business: park sitting!"
"Park sitting?" Kirby raised an eyebrow.
"Lots of mothers need sitters who can take care of their kids after school. What if we offered services to pick kids up and take them by the park?" Chris took a sip of her coffee. "You could clean houses in the mornings and then pick up the kids?"
"And I'd still spend time with Robbie," Kirby said, satisfied by the idea. He paid little attention to Chris' amused laughter as he mulled over the ideas. As much amused by her enthusiasm as his own piqued curiosity, Kirby followed her through searching websites to compare costs and supplies, considering techniques and drawing up his list of services (and quite a list it was, too).
By the time they were ready to leave the diner, they had everything drawn up and ready.
Almost.
"Of course, you should think about it," Chris generously told him, as he hesitated. She expertly dressed her squirming son in his windbreaker and cap. "This isn't the sort of thing you should rush into. Not if you have other plans…"
Other plans? Kirby thought of the junk drawer as he climbed into the van Robbie. It wasn't as if there was anything else they could do for him or Toaster. But still…
"Think it over. Hey, you might even talk it out with your park friends. I'll bet they could drum up some business for you!"
The ladies were more than ecstatic.
"A cleaning service! That's perfect!" Colette's eyes shone with the idea. "I have neighbors who would love to have you clean their houses!"
"I would love to have you clean my house," Judy insisted. "How much will you charge?"
Kirby rattled off the list Kris had set up. It wasn't much to begin, but it would grow.
"Where will you set up business?" Mary asked.
"Set up?" Kirby wracked his mind. Kris had mentioned phone calls and schedules, but there really wasn't a base of operations. There wasn't much space in the McGroarty house, but perhaps he could borrow the study…
"Do you have place for people to drop off kids?" Colette looked wistfully at the twins, kicking up sand at each other. "I know I'd love someone who could take Cole to school in the mornings. The bus is a nightmare."
That set off the other two laughing and gossiping; agreeing at the same time. Kirby darted to the jungle gym at Robbie's wave and helped him cross the monkey bars. That gave him time to think. They were right; the McGroartys' house was already too crowded.
What was he thinking? He dusted his hands off as Robbie reached the other side and watched him run for the slide. Move out of Rob's house? Move away from everything and everyone he knew?
"But why stay?" A voice inside his head began to ask. "You heard Ratso. It's impossible to change. All you can do is move forward."
But move? Literally move away? What would Toaster say? And to where?
He turned, gazing around at the neighborhood.
The Meyer house with its weather worn for rent sign caught his eye.
"Why not?" Chris' voice echoed in his mind.
"Why not?" he boomed.
Toaster was still cleaning the surgery when he stepped into the clinic. She actually screamed and leaped up when he grabbed her from behind.
"Kirby! What was that all about!"
"Sorry," Kirby replied, chastised. "I wanted to surprise you."
"Well, you sure did." Her hand was pressed to her chest. "Geez, this hurts!"
"Are you almost finished with that?" He nodded towards the cloth she was using to wipe down counters.
"Almost. Just ten more minutes. Why?" He watched her, admiring, as she whipped about the room, moving this and that aside. He had to fight back the urge to sweep her up in his arms again.
"I have something to tell you," he tried instead.
"And I have something to tell you. I just…I wish I had more time…" He couldn't help kissing that upturned face.
"I can give you more time," he reassured her. The clinic looked tidied enough even for his taste, but if she wasn't done yet, far be it from him to stop her. "I'll wait for you in our bedroom."
"You sure?" she said, sounding cautious. "You're going straight upstairs to the bedroom."
"Uh huh."
"You…you won't stop by the kitchen."
What was she on about? He humored her. "No, I'll go right up to the bedroom."
"…Okay, then."
"I'll see you…upstairs." Subtly wasn't his forte. But he felt assured by the smile Toaster gave him.
He wanted to shout. He whistled instead. The image of the Meyer house kept flashing before his eyes. He'd lingered nearby the yard before taking Robbie home, just casually looking the place over. The roof was missing shingles, but that could be repaired. The driveway had cracks in the cement, but neither he nor Toaster could drive a car anyway. As for the inside of the house…he dismissed the notion almost as soon as it came, smiling away his reservations.
It could all be repaired and ready for them. The two of them.
Why not?
Once inside, Kirby found himself too restless to focus. He fumbled around the living room and stairs before finding himself in the guest room. He had to be productive. If only Toaster had been finished when he got back…he wondered what she would say. He eyed the guestroom, wishing he'd brought something back from town; a cherry slushie, or some cherry icecream.
Hindsight. Just hindsight. He straightened the bedcovers, and eyed himself in the mirror. A flash of magenta caught his eye, where Toaster's cardigan had fallen off the hook on the back of the door. He smiled to himself, wondering if she'd leave a mess wherever she went. He lifted the cardigan and shook it out, straightening out the sleeves.
A tiny cube of paper fluttered out of the pocket. He bent to pick it up, shaking his head at her careless ways. He'd have to remind her to clean out her pockets before laundry day…
Then, the writing caught his eye.
Toaster all but burst into the house, her heart thudding. All afternoon she'd rehearsed her speech, working out everything in her heart. "Look, Kirby, I know you think it's unnatural, but Rob says I have a knack for this, and you always say studying is hard work…" And then she'd tell him about the note.
Surely, he would understand.
She paused in front of the bedroom door, taking a deep breath before turning the knob.
"Kirby!" she said, as he raised his head…
…And then she stopped at the sight of a crumpled paper in his hands. Her cardigan lay on the bed at his side. His face remained impassive, even cold as he stared at her.
A terrible sinking wave of guilt crushed her. "Oh. I…"
Kirby didn't help her out at all. He simply sat there, unnerving her with his steady gaze.
"Kirby." She pleaded, dropping her head. "I know I should have shown it to you. I know."
"So, why didn't you?" There was a hard edge to Kirby's voice; one that she had never heard before.
"I guess…I guess I wanted a little a little more time to be human."
"A little more time." Now the words sounded strangled.
"Please don't been mad." Toaster clasped her hands together, feeling the touch of her own clammy skin. "I know they would have found a way eventually. Wittengstein is brilliant, after all; the hearing aids once worked for Einstein. I was just wasn't ready, after all that has happened."
"But you're not ready now." She looked away, she couldn't stand the way he glared at her, burning a hole into her heart with his judgement.
"Well, I do miss everyone. Blanky, and Lampy, and Radio, and the faucet, and the microwave, and the hearing aids, and…"
"Who cares what you miss?" She shuddered as Kirby's voice raised the roof. "Haven't you stopped to think about how I would feel? I thought we were in this together!"
"I know." Tears threatened at her cheeks as the shame she'd hidden flooded over her.
"All the plans we've made, all the what ifs, and all this time…" He cut himself off. "Just how long have you had this, anyway?"
Toaster drew a shaky breath. "Ever since our date…"
"What? I can't hear you."
She swallowed and looked up at him. "Ever since our first date."
She couldn't interpret the look that crossed his face. Surprise? Shock? "Two days? You've had this note for TWO DAYS, and you've never said a word?"
"I know! I know!"
"For two days you let me think we were stuck like this! You let me make plans and act like we would have a life together! And all the while you knew they had found a way!"
The tears broke loose. "I'm sorry, alright! I know I should have shown it to you! I know we should have talked about it. But Kirby…" She couldn't say it. She couldn't make him understand. "…We don't really know that Wittengstein knows anything. He…he…they, our friends, don't even know how we became human in the first place!"
"For the last time, I don't care about them!" Kirby dropped the note, clasping at his head with both hands. "I'm talking about you and how you let me think…you lied…" The last words were spoken in a whisper as all the fight drained from Kirby. He covered his face in his hands and heaved deep breaths.
Toaster hugged herself, leaning into the doorframe for support. She stared down at her feet, wishing for another chance.
"I just had to have time to think about it," she said, trying hard to explain the spinning feelings in her head.
"And you didn't think I needed that time, too?" Kirby's voice was shaking now.
"Of course, you did," Toaster said, wanting desperately to reach out and hug him. "Of course, I didn't. I just saw that note in the covers, and I was just afraid…"
"That I wouldn't understand?"
Toaster squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back the tears.
"Well, perhaps you're right. I don't understand. Perhaps I'm just an old, rusty appliance after all. I never thought it would be this complicated. But…I want you to be…" Kirby huffed out a deep breath. "Alright. That's settled. Go ahead and do it."
Toaster opened her eyes. "Do…what?"
"Contact Wittengstein. Tell him we're ready to do anything he suggests. If you're lucky, we'll be appliances again before tomorrow morning, doing exactly what we were made to do."
"What?" Toaster looked up to find Kirby staring out the window. His eyes had misted, and deep wrinkles settled over his cheeks.
"I don't understand, but I want you to be happy. And you want to go back to being a toaster. Well, sure, who could blame you? Stuck in that body, stuck with me. You miss those dimwits, miss being useful in this house. Well, fine. Who needs to be human? As soon as I get Robbie to bed, we'll get Ratso to call…"
Unable to control the bubbling joy that swept through her, Toaster launched herself at Kirby with a shout. They tumbled backwards on the bed, Toaster straddling Kirby as she hugged the living daylights out of him.
"What are you doing? Get off!" Toaster somehow managed to keep her grip on him even as he tried to pry her off. When he finally succeeded in untangling her arms from his neck and holding her out, she bent forward to kiss him with as much passion as her excitement could muster. It was an odd kiss, with Kirby spluttering and Toaster laughing so hard. It didn't last long at all. But it was more than enough for both to understand- finally and truly understand- each other.
When they broke the kiss for a breath, Kirby held Toaster back at arm's length to gaze up into her face.
"You…you don't want to contact Wittgenstein." It wasn't a question. The stern lines had disappeared from Kirby's face, and his eyes were large with something like awe and hope. "You don't want to be an appliance again."
Toaster tossed back her head in another laugh, feeling her hair dangle. This was a freedom she had never known at all before; to laugh without fear and be clasped without anxiety. It was Kirby who raised her head to kiss her, pulling her atop him as though he would never let her go.
"Please understand guys," she pleaded a little later with three motionless appliances. They had gathered the three from their various places around the house and set them in the bedroom. They would have to tell Ratso next, and perhaps the kitchen appliances, if Rob and Chris were out. But Toaster felt they owed it to their closest companions, first and foremost.
Kirby sat next to her, holding one hand while his other arm wrapped around her waist, a present source even while he let her explain everything.
"It's not that we don't miss you- or everyone else-this is…this is…I don't even know if I can explain it." She glanced down at Kirby's hand, watching his thumb rub her wrist. Despite their expressionless forms, Toaster could easily imagine Blanky's tears and Radio's panicked retorts, and even Lampy's confusion.
"We need to stay as we are," she said at last. "Like this. Human. I don't think we could be appliances again even if we tried. You'd understand if you felt it too…" she trailed off. She looked to Kirby for help. He cleared his throat, but said nothing at all.
"I love you all." The words startled her even as she said them. Love. What she had understood of love as an appliance and what she had experienced of love as a human were two vastly different feelings. But it was true all the same. Her eyes clouded as she felt a steady pain cross her heart. "I love you all so much. We love you all." She squeezed Kirby's hand. "And we'll be here for you as often as we can."
"Whenever we can," Kirby confirmed.
She shared a look with him before reaching out to sweep her friends into her arms. She rubbed her cheek against them, hoping the touch soothed them. Kirby patted each; awkward, but affectionate in his own way.
"Do you think they understand?" Toaster asked as they left the room.
"No." Kirby's arm drew her close. "But I wouldn't have either."
"It'll be different without them. I'd almost…" Toaster stopped herself, settling for laying her head against Kirby's side.
"You'd almost what?" Kirby's voice was far too soft. "You'd almost…be a toaster again?"
"No." She pulled his head down to kiss him. "That's over now."
She withstood his scrutiny, watching him waver between agreement and uncertainty.
"I suppose it is," he said at last.
They stood in the hallway for some time, holding one another, grateful that luck had seen fit to let each of them be. They didn't hear the squeak of the door as it slit open, or see the woeful eyes that watched them walk away together.
Their imaginations already knew it.