Love, Honor and Obey - Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters nor profit from their use - I merely toy with them for my own amusement.
Chapter warnings: Curse word

After they had woken up fully from the simulation, Leyna had offered some pleased comments about their performance and had shown Jack out of the temple. He found himself walking back to his accommodations with little memory of what Leyna had said specifically. He knew neither he nor Sam had spoken, both too absorbed in the memories they'd been given in the simulation.

His feet took him to the cabin, and he opened the door, still feeling very displaced. He stood on the threshold for a moment, looking at Daniel and Teal'c with a vague feeling that he should probably get to his bed quickly, but not completely sure why.

'Jack? Are you ok? What happened?' Daniel asked.

Oh yeah. That's why.

He shut the door behind him and flopped down in an armchair, resting his head back and closing his eyes.

'Just wait a minute, Daniel. I'm still waking up.'

There was a beat of silence, and then: 'What?'

'One minute, Daniel, one minute.'

This time there was, blessedly, obedience from Daniel, and Jack took the time to try and organise his mind. He knew the visions he'd had of Sam and their son and daughter weren't real, that they'd been nothing more than induced shared hallucinations, but it was hard to reconcile. While he'd been having them, the hallucinations had felt exactly like reality. It took an effort of will to remind himself that Sam – that Carter – was his second-in-command, and not his wife and the mother of his children.

'O'Neill.' Teal'c said eventually.

Jack opened his eyes and regarded the two men soberly. 'You want to know what happened.' He said. Teal'c inclined his head and Daniel nodded.

He closed his eyes again.

'They've got virtual reality technology.' He said. 'They used that on us to make us have some kind of shared hallucination of various moments throughout a fictional future.'

'Wow.' Daniel said. 'I guess that makes sense, you said this rite was going to be called 'sharing the future' …?'

'Yeah.'

'What did you see?'

'It wasn't 'seeing', it was … living it. It felt real. When I was in the simulation, apart from a few moments right at the beginning, I didn't know it was a simulation, I thought it was actually happening.'

'Ok, so, what did you … experience?' Daniel asked again.

Jack took a deep breath.

'A life with Carter, with kids. At various points over the next twenty or so years.'

He opened his eyes and found both Daniel and Teal'c looking at him with some concern.

'Are you ok?' Daniel asked.

Jack considered the question. 'I'm not sure.'

'Is Sam ok?' Daniel tried instead.

Jack couldn't answer. 'I don't know, I didn't speak to her after …'

'What 'moments' did they make you experience?' Daniel asked.

'A bunch of things. First there was a barbecue … our little girl Hannah was five and Sam was heavily pregnant with Michael. Then there was Michael's birth. Then, a random morning, I don't even know when. Then Hannah going to college, and then we were in a hospital waiting room while our first grandchild was being born – Michael's kid.'

'And Sam experienced all of those things with you?' Daniel asked.

'Yeah.'

'She had to give birth?'

'Well, not really, it was a simulation.'

'I know, but … it felt real?'

'Yes.' Jack answered softly, remembering it. Newborn Michael had looked exactly like Charlie had.

'Fucking hell.' Daniel swore.

Jack smirked a little at the uncharacteristic curse. 'She's been through worse.'

'I know, but still …'

'Will you be alright, O'Neill?' Teal'c asked.

Jack sighed. 'Yeah, I'll be fine. It wasn't real.'

Daniel looked at him sympathetically. 'I guess it probably brought back some memories of Charlie for you.'

Jack didn't answer.

'I'm going to bed.'

Sam didn't go to the technology class scheduled the next morning. She lay under her favourite tree in the gardens, the one with the orange, yellow and pink leaves, listening to the sound of them rustling in the wind. She could vividly picture her children's faces, from each stage of the simulation.

She couldn't stop picturing them.

Lilia found her towards the middle of the day, and then lay back beside her, in silence.

Sam turned her head to look at the girl. 'Hi.'

'Hello.'

She forced her mind away from the memories of the previous evening, and back to Lilia and her more tangible circumstances.

'How is your husband-to-be?'

'He is recovering well. The marriage rituals will likely begin next week.'

Sam looked at the girl with sympathy. 'Is there no way you can be with the person you love instead?'

Lilia closed her eyes. 'No.'

Sam took her hand. 'I'm sorry.'

'As am I.'

After a few minutes, Lilia got up and walked away. Sam folded her arms over her stomach, hugging herself in frustration, wishing she could have thought of something better to say, to help the girl.

Jack went to the temple early that day, before the evening meal was finished, hoping to get the chance to talk to Sam before the start of the next rite, whatever that would turn out to be.

In the public foyer he asked an attendant to find Leyna, and once summoned, the older woman reluctantly agreed to grant them the time.

He was taken out to the gardens, and after a moment Sam was extracted from the evening meal and sent to join him. He looked at her carefully, trying to gauge her mood – she looked okay, if a little tired.

'Sir?' She said.

He winced internally. 'I thought we agreed it was Jack.' He said.

She looked at the floor. 'Sorry.' He guessed it was a defence mechanism, reverting to the 'Sir', and felt like a tool for calling her on it.

'You ok?'

Sam shrugged and met his eyes. 'I guess. You?'

'I thought we should probably talk.' He said, in lieu of answering the question.

Sam nodded, and didn't say anything.

'It wasn't real.' Jack said.

'I know.' Sam said quietly.

'I know it felt real, but … it wasn't.'

'I know that.'

'Daniel's worried about you.' Jack said after a moment of awkward silence. 'He was pretty outraged that they made you experience childbirth. He used the F word.'

Sam chuckled dryly. 'Wow. He must really be pissed.'

'I'm pretty pissed off too.'

'Yeah. So am I.'

'What was even the point of it?' Jack asked.

'I don't know. Maybe they wanted to make us want it.'

Jack scowled at the ground. 'By messing with our heads.'

Sam shrugged. 'When it's done to two twenty year old kids who barely know each other, it probably helps them to commit to each other, and to the idea of trying for a family.'

'So what did it do to us?' Jack asked. Sam looked at him with a sad, lost expression.

It did exactly what it was supposed to do. Jack thought. That's the problem.

She walked away from him towards a tree by the pond, and arranged herself sitting against its trunk beneath the leaves. He joined her, legs stretched out in front of him and his arm touching hers.

'Michael looked like Charlie.' Jack said after a while. Sam sighed and rested her head on his shoulder, reminding him forcefully of another time she'd done that, the last time their minds and memories had been tinkered with, when Jonah had remembered feeling feelings for Thera.

'Hannah looked like my mom.'

'I thought she looked like you.'

Sam chuckled. 'I guess she probably did.'

Another few minutes passed in silence.

'We're going to be ok.' Jack said. 'We can deal with this.'

Sam looked up at him with those big, sad eyes again. He took her hand and squeezed it.

'Trust me.'