Group was a disaster, through honestly it didn't start off that way.
It started with Castiel absentmindedly trailing in behind Missouri and taking the only empty seat left in the common room, where all of the couches and chairs had been pushed into a lopsided circle, that happened to be right next to Dean who was sitting on the couch with Charlie in between him and Becky in one of those weird folding dorm chairs that were like really uncomfortable indoors hammocks. The other man was rubbing at his flannel covered arms with an agitated expression on his face and Charlie was red-eyed but no longer crying, so at least that was an improvement.
Seeing Dean caused all kinds of weird emotions in Castiel, but he settled on concern because Dean looked really upset and he hadn't seen the other man biting his lip that hard before or almost on the verge of crying, not even when he had snapped at him and caused him to leave the room. And really, concern was easier for him to deal with. It was a normal feeling to have about another man, one that didn't lead to crushes or wet dreams or more complicated ones that he didn't even fully understand. Cas didn't understand because the biggest emotion he felt when he saw Dean was really disappointment.
Disappointment laced with relief because the familiar looking drawing of Dr. Mosely in her office wasn't signed by Dean, in fact it was a stretch to call the loopy, scrawled initials at the bottom of the drawing a signature at all. He had just been so excited to have a clue about who his secret admirer was that he had started rushing towards the day area and Charlie so he could tell her about it before the sudden realization that it was a 'M' and not a 'D' doodled in front of the 'W' that stood for the artists' last name had completely knocked the wind out of his sails and brought him to a standstill in the middle of the hallway.
He should have been happy, why wasn't he happy? This meant that his weird dream about Dean was caused by that stupid grilled cheese sandwich or maybe that off brand tea or even possibly the overheard conversation between Charlie and the other man that had put the other patient at the forefront of his thoughts right before he fell asleep. It wasn't caused by the fact that every time Dean saw him, the other man smiled like he was genuinely happy to see him or by the way the other patient seemed to actually give a shit about him and he didn't even know him.
That wasn't enough to make a friendship into something more or for Castiel to completely change everything everyone knew about him, everything he knew about himself over a silly dream. He didn't even know the first thing about Dean, so why couldn't he feel anything but empty when he took the seat next to the other man and studied his rugged face with concern, a concern that was friendly and nothing more.
"Good morning, everybody." Missouri said brightly, taking a seat in a sturdy looking rocking chair that had been pulled over from its place near the window and placed at the top of the circle. "How was everyone's breakfast?"
Beside Castiel, Dean scoffed, rolling his eyes and muttering something that sounded exceptionally profane under his breath.
"Please, just drop it Dean." Charlie whispered on his other side and Castiel looked across the agitated man to see that the redhead had a stricken expression on her face. "It's not going to change anything."
"No, Charlene." Missouri corrected gently, smiling warmly at the other girl before nodding curtly in Dean's direction. "Group is a safe place for everyone, Dean is entitled to his own opinions and can voice them here without hurting anybody's feelings. Right everybody?"
There was a murmuring assent from around the group which included Ash as well as Crowley and Dick who were sitting next to each other and wearing matching looks of amusement over Dean's obvious distress. The other man had narrowed his eyes at Missouri, frowning disapprovingly at her as he continued to rub agitatedly at his arms, scratching over the fabric at his forearms and wrists like he had the chicken pox and couldn't help unconsciously doing it when he was upset.
"So Dean," the therapist said tightly, glancing behind them all to Garth who was lingering in the doorway and shaking her head slightly. "How is your morning going?"
"Well, Missouri. I'm sorry, doctor," Dean began sarcastically, letting out a rough sigh and unbuttoning the cuffs of his flannel over shirt, reaching up underneath the fabric to scratch at his skin as he spoke. "I said I think its complete bullshit that you guys are kicking Charlie out. Who are you to play god with people's lives like that? Don't you think she's been through enough?"
"Charlie's leaving?" The brunette woman in the sunglasses asked, her voice sounding different than Castiel had expected it too since so far all he had heard was her muttering to herself as she stared out the window of the common room. "I don't know why I didn't see that coming."
"I'm not leaving," Charlie interrupted, putting a comforting arm around Dean's shoulders. "Nothing is set is stone, it just...might happen."
"You'll leave eventually though," Crowley murmured, nudging Dick in the side and nodding towards where Dean was still scratching at his arms. "Everyone always leaves and only the very special ones get to come back, like you Dean."
"Or Alastair," Dick added, grinning widely when Dean's head shot in his direction. "I hear that the third time 'round is the charm, right Winchester?"
"That's enough," Missouri redirected when Dean started to get up from the couch, ignoring how Charlie was clutching at the back of his shirt. "We aren't talking about that, we're talking about how Dean's morning is going."
"She didn't eat breakfast," Becky said weakly, twisting her hands in her lap and resolutely not looking at Crowley who had started frowning at her. "Charlie, she didn't eat."
"Is that true, Charlie?" the therapist asked, leaning forward in her seat as her features melted into motherly concern. "Because that isn't how I expected you to take our conversation."
"Thanks, Becks." Charlie muttered under her breath, loud enough that Castiel could hear her, but he didn't think that the doctor could. "I'm on my period too, want to tell her that."
"Gross," Castiel said, earning a huffing laugh from Dean beside him who was still rubbing at his wrists, but had also started softly scratching at his denim covered thighs too, his short nails sounding raspy loud against the texture of the fabric.
Green eyes locked onto his own and he forced a smile onto his face, one that he didn't really feel because the part of his mind that he couldn't think about was still sad that Dean hadn't been the one to do that drawing, but another part of him knew that he needed to be strong for his new friend right now. That is the part that made him smile, he had never been the strong one for someone before, never been needed because there was always someone better around to help Meg or his family deal with their problems. But he could try to be strong for Dean, even if he couldn't even be strong for himself.
"I just got all worried about what I was going to wear to the interview," Charlie admitted, easing her grip on the back of Dean's shirt slightly as she talked. "I mean I have like no nice clothes, everything is donated stuff and I don't want them thinking I'm like...a bum or something."
"I'm confused," Crowley said, frowning as he crossed his legs and propped his chin up on his hand. "Isn't that what you are? It never helps anything to lie on your resume, dear. Just go in there in what you came in here in. What was it again, Dick?"
"I believe it was an assortment of dirty, tattered clothing and shoes made out of plastic bags, but correct me if I'm wrong Charlie."
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Dean shouted suddenly, breaking the grip that Charlie had on his shirt and jumping to his feet so that he could start across the room towards the spiteful, grinning duo of Crowley and Dick who hadn't even flinched over Dean's reaction to their hurtful comments about the redhead. "I should kick your fucking asses you self-righteous pricks."
"I'm sure that's not the only thing you'd like to do to our asses," Dick sneered, high fiving Crowley when the other man put his hand up beside him
Castiel watched wide eyed as Garth rushed in and put himself between Dean and the other two men, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder before stopping himself when Dean flinched away from his outstretched hand.
"Don't fucking touch me," Dean hissed, glaring over the lanky orderly's shoulder one more time before he pushed up the sleeves of his shirt and sat back down heavily beside Charlie and buried his face in his hands. "I wasn't going to fucking do anything; they shouldn't talk about stuff they don't know anything about. Fucking assholes."
"I have some clothes you can borrow," Castiel offered softly, not even realizing he was speaking because he was too busy staring at Dean's arms, which were red and irritated looking from his scratching over the jagged, misshapen scars that were covering the inside part of his forearm starting at the thick blue veins on his wrists and running down until they disappeared under the bunched up sleeves of his over shirt at his elbows.
The other man stiffened beside him, but didn't look up and Cas was able to tear his eyes off of Dean's wrists long enough to meet Charlie's red-rimmed green eyes that were shining with worry for the man sitting between them.
"I mean, they aren't mine of course," he managed to continue, glancing back at Dean one last time before dropping his eyes to his hands that had fisted themselves into the fabric of Gabriel's sweatpants that he was wearing at some point during the entire unexpected confrontation. "But you're about the same size as my sister and she's pretty girly. I bet she would have like a dress or something you could borrow for your interview."
"That's really nice, Cas." Charlie said softly, reaching across Dean's back to touch him on the shoulder before dropping her hand down onto the other man's back and rubbing soothingly between his shoulder blades. "I'd really appreciate that. Isn't that nice, Dean?"
The other man nodded into his hands and glanced up at Castiel before sitting up straight and tugging his sleeves back down his arms, buttoning the flapping cuffs of his flannel shirt in a businesslike way before clearing his throat and looking resolutely at Missouri who was watching Dean with an amused smile on her face.
"What's so damn funny, Missouri?" Dean asked, his voice sounding rough with unspent emotion.
"Nothing," She said shaking her head and winking at Castiel before going back to asking everyone else about their morning and talking about the importance of healthy relationships for recovery.
Dean was up and out of the room as soon as group ended, walking away quickly down the hall and ignoring Charlie's calls for him to stop when the redhead chased him as far as the door to the common room. Castiel followed her, pulling his glasses off and cleaning them as he watched the other man's plaid back receding down the hallway in the narrow, fuzzy tunnel that was his near-sightedness made everything into when he didn't have his glasses on.
"God," Charlie sighed, kicking the doorframe with the toe of her worn sneaker. "I haven't seen him freak out like that in a while."
"So he's not like that normally, right?" Castiel asked, crossing his arms over his chest and willing away the image of the jagged scars on Dean's arms that he hadn't been able to shake for the entire rest of the group therapy. "Yesterday he seemed so mellow."
"I mean, Dean's always been pretty protective of his friends and stuff, but he's been able to keep his temper in check pretty well this time around or at least that's what I've been told." Charlie said with a shrug, glancing over at him and sniffling softly. "I'm sorry you had to see him like that."
"Everyone is here for a reason, right?" Cas replied brushing off the apology because if he had an ounce of courage at all he probably would've stood up to Dick and Crowley too, but it had taken everything he had not to start hyperventilating himself during group so he considered the fact that he was standing a victory in and of itself. "Hey, um...what's the next group or whatever? I'm supposed to sit in on some stuff today, figure out what I might need to work on."
"All the groups don't meet every day," Charlie said starting in a slow meandering walk down the hallway towards the rec room. "Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays are Alcoholics Anonymous, Stress Management, and then LGBTQ is right before dinner."
"Oh, well..." Castiel replied, clearing his throat uncomfortably and deciding that at least he would have more time on those three days to work on school work because he was pretty sure he only needed one out of those groups anyway. "Stress management might work out for me, but what about anger management? I know I saw that on the schedule."
"That's on Tuesdays and Thursdays, along with abuse survivors and then either Andy or Lisa come by to do art or music therapy because those days are like really heavy for some people here. They end up being a way for people to try to decompress after those sessions."
"That makes sense," Castiel said, nodding his head and pausing outside the door to his room for a second, debating about whether or not he should grab his study guide and try to cram some test prep in before he got distracted by therapy he still wasn't sure he really needed. "Do you mind if I just follow you around to whatever you go to today? I mean, if it's not a big deal or anything. I don't want to crowd you or get on your nerves or –"
"It's fine, Cas." Charlie said, smiling warmly at him before gesturing to his room with a jut of her chin. "I'm just gonna go check on Dean, make sure he's okay. I'll meet you in the rec room in like, five minutes maybe?"
"Uh, yea." Castiel replied, running his hand over the back of his neck and sighing in resignation before taking a step towards the heavy GRE study guide that he had tossed down onto his bed before catching back up with Missouri at the nurse's station. He stopped though, when a sudden fear flashed through his mind, one that he had never had to be worried about before and it was enough to make him gasp in panic when it struck him. "Charlie? Dean's not...I mean he's not going to...do...anything, right?"
"I don't see how he could," Charlie muttered with a shrug, frowning even as she said it and taking a step closer down the hall towards hers and Dean's room. "I mean, he'd have to be pretty fucking determined and stupid, but Dean's always been those things in spades so um...I'll be right back."
"Should I be worried?" Cas called after her, turning to follow her fast-paced stride down the hallway as Charlie rushed past the rec room and showers, skidding around the corner and out of his sight. "Charlie!"
"You stupid, selfish fucking dickbag!" Charlie was saying when he caught up to her, cluchting at his heart like it was about to burst out of his chest because all he could think about were the pale, jagged scars lacing across the tanned skin of Dean's arms and it was freaking him the fuck out.
"Fuck stop, Charlie!" Dean yelled, ducking a pillow that that the other girl was trying to pummel him with. "I'm not doing anything, just coping! I'm using my fucking coping skills, Jesus!"
"You're not allowed to cope without telling me that you're coping!" Charlie exclaimed, jumping onto the narrow bed with the other man and holding the pillow in her hands over his head threateningly. "You scared the shit out of me and Cas was worried."
"He was worried about me?" Dean asked sounding slightly dumbstruck and lowering his arms long enough to give Charlie the perfect opportunity to hit him in the face one last time before climbing off of him and ambling over to Castiel with a relieved smile on her face.
"We both were, weren't we Cas?" Charlie said, nudging him in the side where he was standing awkwardly in their doorway, keeping an eye out down the hallway lest the two roommates' yelling brought Garth or Jo running to check on them. "Now come hang out with us and watch me kick Ash's butt at Bioshock. You can bring your coping skill with you, bang out that project that Lisa gave you no problem."
Dean sat up quickly, straightening his shirt and running a hand through his hair after shoving something under the pillow that he had been laying on. He glanced at Castiel and licked his lips nervously before shaking his head quickly.
"No, it's fine." Dean muttered, standing up and moving over to meet them in the doorway. "I didn't mean to make you guys worry or anything. I just needed a second to myself after letting Dick and Crowley get to me, I'll uh...watch you play video games or something."
"You can use my cards," Charlie offered, spinning off back down the hallway and leaving Dean and Castiel following more slowly behind her.
"I'm uh...happy you didn't do anything," Castiel murmured, wincing when it came out sounding more concerned than a friend should. He kept his eyes on the ground in front of him because if he looked at Dean he was pretty sure he would start blushing, that embarrassment over his dream had finally shown up, possibly triggered by knowing now exactly how the other man would look sprawled out in a bed.
"Thanks," Dean said softly, catching the swinging door that led into the rec room and holding in open for Cas, gesturing that he should go ahead of him and into the room. "I'm sorry that you had to see me like that, I um...I'm just not very good with um...surprises. So, yea."
"It probably doesn't help that Dick and Crowley are assholes," Ash drawled where he was sitting cross legged on the floor, already leaning into the controller in his hands like it would help his character move around the game faster.
Charlie nodded earnestly, taking the seat beside Ash on the floor and snatching the other controller out of his lap. "Total jerks."
Dean plopped down on the loveseat that was situated behind the coffee table that Charlie and Ash were leaning on with a heavy sigh and smiled winningly at Cas when he hesitated before perching himself on the edge of the coffee table instead of sitting next to the other man. It was just too close and there would probably be touching and he didn't think that he could handle that right now, especially after already worrying unnecessarily like a silly, stupid girl getting bent out of shape seeing her boyfriend tackled in football practice or something. Anna could talk for hours about boys she went to school with twisting their ankles from plie-ing the wrong way or whatever, boys that she had crushes on.
He cleared his throat and leaned down next to Charlie, whispering which was also stupid because if Dean wasn't his secret admirer, then what did he have to be embarrassed about?
"I think I might be able to figure out who sent me that drawing."
"Oh, really?" Charlie said, smiling smugly and punching hard at the buttons on the controller she was holding and biting her lip in concentration. "I guess somebody finally grew a pair and told you then, well invite me—"
"Told him what?" Dean asked suddenly, leaning forward and tugging on the end of Charlie's hair, shooting a nervously look at Castiel and he couldn't help himself from looking down at Dean's fabric covered forearms again before dropping his eyes guiltily to his lap.
"You mean? Oh. OH! Right I guess you don't know, Dean." Charlie covered quickly, leaning forward out of the larger man's reach and pulling her hair over her shoulder. "Well, it's nothing never mind."
"Secrets don't make friends," Dean cajoled, winking at Cas when he happened to look up at the green-eyed man before he plopped back down on the couch with a pouting frown. "You gonna let me in on your secret, Cas?"
"I've got to go," Castiel muttered, jumping to his feet and heading out of the room because the teasing tone in the other man's voice reminded him too much of how dream Dean had talked to him and it was scary how...comfortable it felt, familiar. "Y'know, homework stuff. My book is in my room, I'm going to go get it."
Rufus wasn't in bed when he got back, but he could hear the sink in the ensuite bathroom running so he knew that the other man hadn't actually left the room. Cas was so embarrassed that he didn't know if he wanted to cry or curse or just drown himself in the closest standing body of water, even if that meant the toilet because Dean did not need to know that he was getting all hormonal over a stupid drawing even if it was the first thing he had gotten from someone that didn't come with strings or ulterior motives attached to it.
But he wasn't at home and this wasn't his room where he could shut himself away and play loud music so no one would hear him crying or talking to himself like freaking Gollum huddled over his homework like it was fucking Sauron's precious damn ring. He paced the tiled floor of his small, shared room until Rufus opening the bathroom door made him whirl around, snatching the drawing off of his bedside table and hiding it behind his back because he thought that it was Dean coming to check on him again, to make sure he wasn't puking his guts out like the mess he was, like he had the night before.
Thankfully it wasn't, but Rufus still gave him a weird look as he shuffled back to his bed and wrapped himself back up in his blankets mumbling something about "crazy ass white boys" that Castiel whole-heartedly agreed with. Once he was sure the other man was fully ensconced in his hospital issued bed linens, Castiel sat down on the edge of his bed, gnawing on a piece of loose skin that had started to peel off of his lips that were chapped from constantly biting and licking them anytime he was nervous, which was most of the time.
He carefully held his drawing in his lap, cradling it like it was something precious. Cas laughed ruefully when he thought about how he was probably just trading in one obsession for another, homework for the mystery of the secret artist, but then he glanced over at his study manual and decided that he could probably have both if he really put his mind to it. He folded his picture in half once, deciding that this would be the last time he did it before he carefully slid it to hold the spot that he had been keeping with an old receipt from the on-campus coffee shop and took one last deep breath before gathering his thoughts so he could head back towards the rec room resolved that he was going to stop letting things be weird between him and Dean.
It was all in his head anyway, no one talked to him like Dean talked to him, joking and easy and coy. No one...except Meg.
"You coming, Cas?" Charlie asked, rapping on his open door with her knuckles as she and Ash walked past, headed back towards the common room and presumably, stress management.
Castiel nodded and stood up, wrapping his arms around his book and carrying it with him like a security blanket even though he knew that it was going to look weird and Missouri was probably going to think that he was doing exactly what she had told him not to do already, picking homework over treatment. But he needed the sense of peace that the drawing gave him, the knowledge that someone had taken the time to make something that he would like so that he could face everyone again and his stupid, too short sweatpants didn't have pockets so its not like he could carry it there, this was really his only option.
He followed her to the closest couch, taking the seat on one of the outer edges so that he would only have to sit next to Charlie and feeling more than a little relieved when a unfamiliar Asian girl took the rocking chair that Missouri had been sitting in during group therapy with a clipboard clutched tightly in her hand as she smiled around the groups. Her eyes stopped on Castiel for a second before she smiled widely at Charlie and returned the little wave that the redhead gave her.
"Man, the things I would do..." Charlie muttered, nudging Castiel in the side and nodding at the Asian girl meaningfully.
Cas gave the other girl a confused look and shrugged his shoulders like he knew what she was talking about, but he really didn't. He hadn't seen the other girl around the ward during the day before, but that didn't mean she wasn't a patient or anything; is not like being in a hospital was exactly a social event so it was fully possible that she had kept herself in her room up until now and that's why it was the first time he was seeing her.
"Who is she?" He asked, running his thumb over the corner of his book so that the pages thrummed under his fingertips.
"Freaking interns man," Charlie replied under her breath, glancing over and noticing the dumbfounded look he was giving her. "Missouri really just does the group sessions and one on one stuff, the other therapies are divvied up to a couple of interns that she hand picks to lead each group. They're smart as hell, but man its torture when she picks a pretty one."
"Dude, Maggie is hot," Ash agreed, leaning over to whisper it over Charlie's head so that the intern wouldn't overhear them as she chewed on the end of the pen that she had pulled out from behind her ear.
"I guess," he said, glancing over at the therapist again before looking towards the hallway where Dean was leaning up against the nurse's station talking to Jo with an easy-going smile on his face. The other man was carrying something, a journal or a notepad that he picked up and used to salute the nurse with before ambling back off toward the other hallway.
"Hello, everyone." The Asian girl piped, pulling her legs up into the rocking chair with her so that she was sitting cross legged in the seat. "Welcome to stress management 101, where you will learn the art of zen and motorcycle maintenance."
Charlie laughed beside him, probably a little too hard for it to be entirely genuine, but it had finally sunk in for Cas exactly why she had fluffed up her hair when she saw the intern coming and why her eyes that had been teary and red-rimmed less than an hour ago were now shining happily as she appraised the other girl's pigtails and Radiohead t-shirt with an approving smile. That's why it wasn't a big deal for her to be roommates with Dean, his charm had no effect on her because he really wasn't her type.
"I see that we have a new face in the crowd, so I'll just start off this group by everyone going around and saying your name and go-to coping skill," the girl said, looking around the circle excitedly. "A coping skills is something you use to well, help you cope. Pretty obvious right, I like for everyone to name something healthy, a hobby or relaxation techniques that are not illegal, harmful to yourself or others, and let's keep it PG today, okay Ash?"
The other man scoffed, putting a hand to his chest like he was offended for a second before shrugging and nodding because he really did deserve that comment.
"I'll start us off," she continued. "My name is Maggie Zeddmore, LPC intern specializing in family therapy, nuclear, non and all the kinds in between. My coping skill is karate, black belt right here ladies and gents. Who's next?"
"Lilith," the blonde said, smirking eerily around the circle before she settled her gaze back on Maggie and recrossed her legs. "I like playing with animals."
"Oh, that's sweet," Maggie cooed, making a note on her clipboard. "Pet therapy is an interesting and experimental field; I could see if Dr. Mosely might let you guys have a day where we bring service animals in or something. Great idea, Lilith! Next?"
"Martin," The thin man who had told Castiel to be quiet when had first gotten on the ward the day before mumbled, arms crossed over his chest and snapping his head up from where he looked like he had been nodding off to sleep. "I like to meditate, I like the quiet."
"Good, good," Maggie encouraged, continuing around the group and adding in little pep talks and trivia for the people who appeared to be struggling.
Castiel listened to everyone else's coping skills and tried to figure out what his might be. He didn't really do much these days, besides homework and that couldn't really be considered the most stress-free activity that he engaged in since most of the time when he got caught up in a project he forgot to eat or sleep or shower. There were whole weekends when he didn't even leave his room until the sounds of Meg's girlish giggles brought him out of his cave to choke down some ginger ale or some tea and a couple of crackers.
"I'm Ash," the mulletted boy began, smirking mischievously at Castiel and Charlie. "I like to go hunting and –"
"Ash," Maggie interrupted, putting up her clipboard and covering her face with it, muffling her voice slightly as she continued. "I swear on all that's holy if you say something vulgar right now I will make sure you never play a video game ever again."
"Well shit," Ash cursed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Half of everything I do you think is vulgar, Mags. What the hell am I supposed to say?"
"Nothing that involves a slang word for vaginas or sex. Positive, a positive coping skills is all I'm asking for," the intern replied, peeking over her clipboard at the group earning a wistful sounding sigh from Charlie.
"Computers, I guess." Ash muttered. "I like to take them apart and put them back together again."
"Thank you! How about you Charlie, what's your coping skill?"
"I like to read," Charlie breathed, twisting her finger around a strand of her hair. "My favorite book is The Hobbit."
"Oh, I love that one too!" Maggie exclaimed, bouncing in her seat a little bit. "Small world. Alright, new guy you understand how the game is played now?"
Castiel nodded, catching his thumb on the page in his book that had the drawing tucked into it; opening it far enough so that he could catch a glimpse of the wispy steam that was streaming out of the two-dimensional mug. "I'm Castiel and I um...I like to read too. I study a lot, so I guess homework is sort of my coping skill."
"Hmmm," Maggie said, frowning and tilting her head at him. "I don't know, we might have to see if we can do better than that. How about you think on it? Dig deep and try to find something that really works for you when you're feeling down or stressed, works every time no matter where you are."
"Studying works," Castiel objected softly, nudging his glasses back up his nose and glancing up at the intern with his stomach twisting fitfully because he knew that nothing made him feel better, nothing much made him feel at all.
"You did those crosswords yesterday," Charlie offered helpfully.
"Nah," Maggie said knowingly. "Castiel will come up with something good. I think he has secret hidden depths that will shock and astound us all, don't ya?"
He shook his head, swallowing nervously because that was the second person to say he had secrets and yea he did, but that's why they were secrets. No one wanted to listen to his problems and he wasn't really too keen to share them with anyone, god all of this therapy shit was complete bullshit. Now he remembered why he hadn't wanted to see someone else after he and his family finished grief counseling, therapists were always telling him he was wrong or pushing for more than he was willing to give and he had too many other people telling him he wasn't good enough already, a professional saying the same thing wasn't going to make anything better.
"You'll figure it out," Maggie consoled. "That's what we're all here for, right? Life is all about figuring things out and rushing or forcing the lesson before you're ready to learn it just leads to stress. So that's what we're going to talk about today, guys. Patience and how a lack of it relates to stress."
Castiel zoned out again, repeating to himself that studying worked for him and that didn't make him a freak or anything, just driven. Driven like Michael and Gabriel who had it all figured out and that worked for him. It was working for him. Right?
Author Note: Hey all, if you've been following the weather, Texas is in the middle of snowpocalypse. Literally we are all pretty convinced the world is ending and my power has been flickering like crazy. BtR will be up as soon as possible, hopefully tomorrow if the elements don't conspire against me. Until then, kisses and love and be careful if you have to drive in shitty conditions. 3