Chapter Eight
Océane: whoops! I figured out that I screwed up in the last chapter… I meant to say TWENTY for the "John moping in the alley" scene… not Twelve. That will become very important.
John: *rolls eyes* Thanks a lot. The braces are back. In the case you forgot: [] is me, and {} is Jack. Océane doesn't own anything except the plot. Don't like it, Don't read.
Océane: there are references and loud, vulgar cursing in this chapter, so there's your warning. I also don't own Genesis music in any way shape or form – Don't sue me!
No Son of Mine
Ianto sat, dumbstruck. "Raped?" He managed to whisper, as if the words burned his tongue. "By – by his brother?"
Jack nodded sadly.
"Why?"
That was the one question at the heart of every mystery and crime. Why? What motive was there for this? And why to this specific person? Unfortunately, and this was the part that tore through Jack's heart more than anything, there was nothing that John could have done differently in good conscience that would have prevented this.
"Because…" Jack sighed, tears glistening in his eyes. "Because he loved…" He hesitated, reluctant to finish. As Jack's words hung in the air, drifting slowly away, Ianto shivered.
"…Me."
Well, the key to my survival
Was never in much doubt
The question was how I could keep sane
Trying to find the way out
"John's life wasn't – Isn't – exactly easy." Jack explained, trying to get Ianto to wrap his head around the concepts. The young man grew up in a completely different world than John and he had. A safer world. "John was adopted by a family when he was very young. When he was born, in fact. They had a son already, named Chad. He was three at the time… so he knew that John wasn't his biological brother. But they never told John. His family was kind, nice… when he was young. But as he grew up, his Ma started to get more picky. And she got less strict on Chad… and what he did. Especially around John." Jack shuddered, trying to shake the memories.
Things were never easy for me
Peace of mind was hard to find
And I needed a place where I could hide
Somewhere I could call mine
"He always had a hard time in school. Everyone avoided being around him, because of… How he was adopted. 'Cursed.' That was the word that followed him around every day. John's family used to tell him to ignore everyone, that they still loved him. But that all really changed one he turned into a teen. All of the other students got harsher by the time he was in High school. Getting isolated and beat on was an average part of his day. What was worse, was the sudden loss of his parent's approval. They just lost interest in him. So, John had to fend for himself. And when someone pushed him around, John shoved back. Harder. At one point… it got messy. Some kid supposedly pulled a knife on him, and… the guy cut his own arm open. If there's one thing that John can't handle, it's blood. It's sort-of like his trigger… It didn't turn out well for the kid."
I didn't think much about it
Till it started happening all the time
Soon I was living with the fear everyday
Of what might happen at night
"His adoptive parent's didn't exactly WANT a second child. And Chad… He wasn't meant to be just an older brother. I remember one time, It was Chad's twentieth birthday. John came running out of his house, and just barreled into me. When I asked him about it… it took him five years to get around to telling me the full story. And when he did… I was just glad that he knew he was adopted when he told me. Because I couldn't imagine what it would have been like for him…"
I couldn't stand to hear the
Crying of my mother
And I remember when
I swore that, that would be the
Last they'd see of me
And I never went home again
"Chad apparently wanted… John said he had put it as 'A special sort of birthday present'. So he got around to telling me the whole story. I wouldn't make you listen to it, but it tore him to shreds. John wouldn't say anything beyond telling me to shut up and… uh… it was an interesting night." Jack blushed slightly. "As soon as John was seventeen, he enrolled in the time Agency. We met in the Academy… they had put us both in the same class. When he was a kid, John learned that he was a really strong telepath. I didn't know that I was an empath until I was fourteen. But John… when I first met him, I just figured that The Agency was so desperate to recruit him because of how high he scored on the telapthy tests. But it was only after we had been partnered for a year that we both learned he was supposed to join up all along. His mother was a stingy old crone. The moment he turned seventeen, his ma started to crack down on him. He couldn't do anything right. She insisted he join the Agency, even though he had never wanted to join up."
They say time is a healer
And now my wounds are not the same
I rang the bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he'd say
"About… well, just after we got out of the loop, John learned about his being adopted. At that point, HE had started to forgive his family. I didn't think I could ever manage to forgive the bastards. We stayed up for nights on end, researching and digging into hidden files. After weeks of working, we found one article. It wasn't even a paragraph long. And that was all that was left of his real family. Just a few sentences that were forgotten. The Agency had erased all other traces of his mother's existence. And John flipped. So he went straight to the top. I didn't know at the time, but they had John listed for one of the most elite groups of our time period. John demanded that they tell him what had really happened. What he learned, nearly killed him. He wound up so disgusted with his parents and with the Agency that he even tried to leave. John tried to get me to come with him, but I was just too scared. Everyone knew what happened to deserters, and… it wasn't pleasant. But he didn't care. The agency had basically handed him over as an infant to what, in essence, was a celebrity family. That was all he had been to them. The agency… they had raised him to be their model agent. The 'perfect child'. Without even giving him any choice in what his future was going to be."
He sat me down to talk to me
He looked me straight in the eyes
He said:
You're no son, you're no son of mine
You're no son, you're no son of mine
You walked out, you left us behind
And you're no son, you're no son of mine
"So, I eventually managed to get him to calm down. But John was insistent. He called for a change of name. But his parents fought it. And, well, as lawsuits go… this one got pretty nasty. Like, I had to sit on him one morning to keep him from going after the lot of them with a knife. Now I regret doing that. I probably should have just let John cut their fucking throats… maybe then this wouldn't have happened… Anyway, the motions wound up in court. Or, as close to court as there was at the time. His… well, now former- ma and Da fought way too hard for just a change of name. That's when I really started to get suspicious of ulterior motives. That was also the first time I met his parents. And I could tell that they didn't like ME in particular. When it was finally over, John had won hands down. I figure that the Agency just didn't want to piss him off and risk him doing something – like killing himself. But it was more than John changing his name – I mean, he did. Took his mom's name, but it wasn't just that. John demanded that the Agency sever all his ties to his family on the record. It was approved. And just like that, John Hart was a single individual without a single family tie in the universe to speak of."
Oh his words how they hurt
I'll never forget it
And as the time, it went by
I lived to regret it
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But where should I go
and what should I do
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But I came here for help
I came here for you
"After everything was over and done, John was really like the kid I had met. He just turned around, and grinned like I had never seen him before. And well… John being John, He kinda'… tongued me right there and then. I swear, at that second, I nearly puked from all the emotions cramming into my head. And yes, it had happened before. Ninth grade, sex-ed, don't ask. But this time, it was different. I could feel a lot coming from his ex-parents. Anger, resentment, envy, disbelief, betrayal… everything you would expect from a family that had just had one of their own opt out. But there was also this feeling of satisfaction. Like the pieces of a chess game had just fallen into place. But what was really wrong… was what I felt coming from that sicko- son of theirs. Chad had this weird sense of… lust. Somehow, I could tell that he was pissed at John for leaving HIM, and not just their family. He had this… sense of ownership. Like John was HIS and no one else's. I remember the only other time I've felt that mixed emotions was from Gwen. Right before – before I went off to die, then when I, umm… kissed you… She had the same emotions going through her head. Disgust, annoyance, loss, anger, the feelings that you would only typically see in a marriage that went south. But under that, there was a feeling that… Chad got off on it. The fucking bastard was turned on by watching his supposed 'baby brother' have a committed relationship. And it wasn't just his body's immediate reaction. I could feel what was going on in his head. He was thinking…" Jack shuddered. "All of his disgusting, nauseating fantasies. Chad kept thinking about what John was doing. Thinking about what it would feel like if John did that to him… HE was planning what it would be like to do things to John. I – I didn't know that a human body could go through all those things without just dying… and I still don't want to. John was lucky to get out of that family while he could."
Well the years they passed so slowly
I thought about him everyday
What would I do, if we passed on the street
Would I keep running away
"After everything was over, John and I were just walking out when his fake-da came over to us. Before we knew it, all three of them had us boxed into a corner. Just so that they would let us leave, we agreed to meet with them that afternoon. So later, we met them someplace we all knew in town. When we got there, John left within ten minutes of his almost-family shown up. Chad followed him out. I guess he wasn't done with John just yet, 'cause within twenty minutes, John came almost running back in. And that's when his ex-parents spoke up. His once-dad… if I actually was intimidated, I might have called it a threat. He said, 'one of these days, this will catch up to you. And you'll come begging back to us.' After that, I figured he was just talking to John, because he added that… uh… 'You'll come running back to Chad after Jack breaks your heart'…" Jack flushed an unhealthy shade of red. "John just dragged me out of the building, and swore he wouldn't go back to them. No matter what. And that was when I told him that I wouldn't leave him. That was a lie."
In and out of hiding places
Soon I'd have to face the facts
We'd have to sit down and talk it over
And that would mean going back
"We spent the rest of our lives avoiding them. John just couldn't handle being near them. Not that he was afraid of them, it was more that he couldn't deal with the added stress. With all the things going on in his life, he just had no energy left to fight anyone off. Especially not the people who had raised him. If I could have been there all the time, I would have. But sometimes our jobs required that we take turns going out. So there were a bunch of times that John was left on his own, just sitting around, waiting for something bad to happen." Jack sighed. "Because that was what he was used to. John had been raised, and had taught himself over the years, that being alone meant being vulnerable. I swear, he was never happier to see me than when I came back from a week of reconnaissance. After a while, we were both starting to get suspicious. When his family had fought so hard to keep him with them, why would they just let him slip away into hiding? And John had gotten even more paranoid. He would hardly go outside our apartment without me. After years of living like that, John and I finally got the entire explanation. He had already been set apart from the other agents… but we only learned just how big of a mess he was tangled up in after the trial. And now… he's terrified of being all alone. Because the Agency will come for him. I guarantee it. And with them would probably be his family."
They say time is a healer
And now my wounds are not the same
I rang the bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he'd say
He sat me down to talk to me
He looked me straight in the eyes
"I guess he went back. HE told me, that he couldn't go back. And neither could I. But that doesn't explain…" then, it seemed to hit Jack. "damn it." Ianto blinked, raising an eyebrow.
"It could have been instinct." Ianto suggested. "He could have been so disoriented and upset that he just followed his instincts and gone back to his family." He had spent a good deal of his free time in high school studying human behavior. And one of the things that had fascinated him was the deeply ingrained connection formed during childhood.
"After all, they were the people that raised him. If John was out of it…"Ianto trailed off, as Jack shook his head.
"No. That's not it." He contradicted. "John doesn't have a paternal bond. Hell, he probably doesn't even have any feelings for them at all." Jack sighed. "No. What John was doing was finishing the job." Ianto froze, surprised.
"Fi-finishing the job?" Jack nodded in response.
"Yeah. We got in the way. He was TRYING to kill himself. So, after I got in the way of his plan, John had to find a plan B. Knowing him – and trust me, I KNOW John – he had that plan laid out, and seven others before he even started the first. John went there to die." Jack paused, biting his lip. It seemed as if it were painful for him to go on. "That's what he came here to do. John came Here, at this time, to die."
"Why?" Ianto managed to breathe, stunned. Jack shrugged.
"It's his way of clearing his conscience. The same…"Finally, Jack's demeanor started to crack, and his voice choked up. "The same as his scars." He whispered, blinking back tears. "That's his way of measuring, like a tape measure for it. I suggested that he keep a record, but I never thought… I never expected him to do THAT. And then, it just became a habit for him I guess."
Ianto listened silently, although he could make almost no sense of what Jack was talking about.
"Still, you wanted to know what happened to him?" Jack seemed to snap out of his trance, meeting Ianto's eyes once again. Shy about his curiosity, Ianto nodded.
He said:
You're no son, you're no son of mine
You're no son, you're no son of mine
You walked out, you left us behind
And you're no son, you're no son of mine
"From what I could put together, John wound up going home. Or, um… at least, back where it used to be home. He didn't say too much, but what he did… wasn't pleasant. I guess that when he showed up, his ex-family wasn't happy with him. You see, he was given a mission before he quit the Agency. Nearly all of John's missions required taking somebody out. And this one was no different. Only this job was worse. They gave him MY card." Ianto appeared confused, so Jack explained, "The job he got was to take me out. As in permanently. See, the Agency wasn't too pleased with me when I left, so… I suppose it was only a matter of time until they got around to sending somebody after me. I just never thought that they would have the guts to send John." Jack's lip quivered slightly, but he continued. "So, after he didn't pull it off, the Agency must have been pretty pissed. And I can only imagine how mad his 'family' was. When he got there, it must have been like returning to hell. His dad had already told both of us that John wasn't considered a part of their family anymore. And maybe that was what they wanted. Because then they could finish what they had planned. But anyway… Chad must have found him first. Whatever happened after that, John was either too weak or too disoriented to do anything. Somehow, Chad and his parents must have gotten John into his old room."
Oh his words how they hurt me
I'll never forget it
And as the time, it went by
I lived to regret it
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But where should I go
And what should I do
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But I came here for help
Oh I was looking for you
"And his former parents stood by and watched as Chad… when Chad – did that." Jack shuddered. He took a deep breath, calming his nerves before he continued.
"I can't help but blame myself. I was the one that sent him there unarmed, without any way to protect himself. If I had only let him keep his weapons, maybe this wouldn't have happened. John can pretty much take care of himself, but he's still small. And I've met Chad. There's no way John could have fought him off on his own." Tears were once more flowing through Jack's eyes. "And there is something worse. They told John that he was wrong."
From the way he said it, Ianto could tell that that was one of the things that John had been called as a child.
"John blames himself for his Mother's death." Jack admitted.
"Why do you think my jacket's Red?"
Jack blinked, then glanced over his shoulder. John grinned sheepishly, prompting Jack to raise an eyebrow.
"And how long have you been awake?"
John crossed his arms behind his head, smirking. "Long enough to not want to kill you." He kicked Jack softly through the sheets. "But I trust Eye Candy not to blab." Ianto turned pink as John winked at him.
Suddenly, John started to sit up.
"So, how long was I passed out?" He asked. Jack helped him sit up, glancing at the clock on the nightstand.
"Just over two hours."
John winced, shifting the pillow so it lay against his back. Annoyingly, his link was still down. Even with how injured he was, he should have been able to re-connect with Jack at least an hour ago. Throwing timelines into a black hole, John decided to ask Jack about it (regardless of the fact Ianto was there.)
"Hey, Jack? Your head hurt?" He asked.
Jack shook his head. "No, why?"
"Well, umm…" John swallowed, mildly embarrassed. "It's just, it's been a while, and I… I still can't…" John sighed, finally getting around to the point. "I still can't open up our link."
Jack froze, glancing sideways at Ianto. Then, he smacked John's leg.
"Well, you could've asked dim-wit." Jack laughed. "I blocked it so that you wouldn't get disturbed by me moving around."
John frowned. "Gee, thanks for telling me that Jack." And here he was, thinking that something had gone drastically wrong with his head. John reminded himself to slap Jack upside the head when he felt better.
"So…" John prodded, not feeling any change in their link.
"What?" Jack asked, feigning confusion.
"The Link."
Jack grinned. "Oh, you want me to do something about that?" John rolled his eyes. Duh. "I don't recall you asking me to-"
"Jack, stop being stupid."
"You have to ask nicely."
"Alright then. Jack, open the damn link back up, or I swear I'll kill you right here."
"I doubt it." Jack smirked. Before he even had a chance to make another suicidal comment, John had one arm wrapped securely around his throat, pulling the taller man down.
"Now Jack." John ordered, his mouth a mock frown. Finally, Jack pulled down the blocks he had set up in their link. Feeling the disruption dissipate, John let go of Jack's neck. Rubbing his collarbone to get rid of the redness, Jack stuck out his tongue.
John shook his head. Some things will never change, no matter how many centuries pass.
Jack stood up, starting out of the room. "I think that I probably should get you a clean shirt, shouldn't I?"
Ianto froze, terrified at the thought of being left alone with John. Unfortunately, both men immediately noticed this.
John grinned, a smile that he might have described as feral under different circumstances. But after having learned more about him, Ianto just marked it down to his uneasiness. Jacks reaction, however, was significantly different. The older man raised an eyebrow, glancing between Ianto and John. Finally, Jack made a comment – though not one that Ianto would have expected.
"John, behave yourself." Jack ordered, placing both hands on his hips. "Or I might decide to start acting like Torchwood again."
John just grinned, gesturing his assurances. Seemingly satisfied, Jack left. However, the situation didn't improve from Ianto's point of view. He was still worried about what would happen being left alone in a room with John.
A few seconds after the door clicked shut, John turned his attention to the young Welshman. Despite promising himself (and, more importantly, Jack) that he wouldn't pry into any of the team's minds, the thought leaking from Ianto's head were just too loud for John to ignore. He could tell the young man was scared… of HIM.
'Honestly, does no one trust me at all?'
John's lips formed a thin line. Ianto was also very confused, he could tell. Clearly, he didn't have the same opinion of Torchwood – or the background knowledge – that Jack and John shared. Confusion and fear weren't a pleasant combination, in bed or not. Fortunately, John had no theological reference to make based off of that assessment, and his insight came from many previous situations. And that was where John ended THAT particular train of thought for the moment.
"So," John smirked, snapping Ianto out of his embarrassed trance. "Has he done that yet?"
Ianto turned a pale pink. "What?"
John just snickered. Ianto's blush deepened, along with his confusion.
"Look, don't play stupid." John beamed. "I know Jack, and I know his habits. So, has he done That yet?"
Ianto raised an eyebrow, no longer quite as embarrassed.
"Which that would you be talking about?"
John rolled his eyes. "Trust me, if he'd tried it, it isn't something you're likely to forget."
Finally Ianto grinned. "Oh. THAT that."
"He does have quite a few." John laughed, smirking. Ianto's eyebrow went up again.
"Do tell." John didn't have to be prompted twice.
"Look, Yan. If there's one thing I'm positive hasn't changed, it's how turned on Jack is by certain things." Ianto sat in a thinning patience, waiting for John to continue.
"One word - Handcuffs."
Jack returned a while later, only to find both John and Ianto in fits of laughter.
"Do I Want to know?"
The only response he received was the two of them laughing harder.
Unfortunately for Ianto, the conversation just got weirder once they stopped laughing.
Jack sat down in a chair across the glass-topped table, as John pulled the clean t-shirt over his head. Despite having had only a few hours to recuperate, John already felt significantly better. However, when he glanced down at his chest, he started laughing all over again. Leave it to Jack to get him a Shirt clearly displaying his least favorite Genesis album on the front
Again, the trio fell into silence.
"Have either of you seen Labyrinth?" His question came as a surprise to both Jack and Ianto.
"What?" their responses came in unison.
"You've never seen the Jim Henson movie, Labyrinth?" John demanded, mildly surprised that neither of them had even heard of the film. And he hadn't even lived through that time period – whereas both of them had.
Jack grinned. "Oh, geeze John." He joked, faking a heart attack. "I was worried there for a minute. I thought you had completely lost it and meant some R rated sci-fi film."
Ianto rolled his eyes in agreement. "Well, duh. Who hasn't?"
"You want to put money on that assumption Eye candy?" John dared, already planning a prank.
"John." Jack's tone was a warning. "What did I tell you?"
John pouted. "You didn't say I couldn't look." He whined.
"Well, let's add visual to the No touching rule."
"Prude." John complained, spinning a pen he had found somewhere between his fingers. "Anyway… back to the topic."
Ianto glanced between the two of them, feeling very much like a third wheel in this discussion. That is, until John winked at him.
"What if I said I'd bet ten bucks that I know somebody that hasn't seen Labyrinth?" John dared. Ianto raised an eyebrow.
"Who?" then, a second later, he grinned, clearly having answered his own question.
"John, I'll do you one better." He smirked. "I'll bet that she's never seen a Jim Henson film."
Jack burst out laughing at that, either having just figured out who they were talking about, or thought about their topic.
"Well then, I'll do both of you two better. I'll bet that not only has she never seen Labyrinth or any other Jim Henson film... but that she's never heard of David Bowie either."
Both men let out a mock gasp of horror, before collapsing into laughter.
Later, Ianto looked at the time. Surprisingly, three hours had passed. Just of Jack and John talking. In the past hours, Ianto was certain he had learned more about both men than he probably would have ever cared to know. For example, he now knew that Jack hadn't exactly WANTED to move out at seventeen, but that he had also apparently got by on… illegitimate methods.(Ianto didn't want to ask, and Jack certainly wasn't going to explain John's claim.)
However, he also – slightly unwillingly – learned that John was kind-of OCD about his 50's – 90's era music. And that John had at one point trained a space-fish to wake him up for school. Like previously stated: Ianto didn't really want to know.
Fortunately, before John had a chance to outline any more of his and Jack's scandalous behaviors, there was a very loud knock on the door. Jack stood, but was almost run-over before he had a chance to even open the door fully. Tosh stormed into the room, clearly not pleased.
'uh-oh.'
"John Hart!" she practically screamed. "What did I tell you?"
"Umm… that Owen's a bitch and deserved to get shot?"
"Oh, thanks Tosh." Owen sneered, as He and Gwen added to the invasion of the group's privacy. "You told the creeper that he could kill me?"
"And hello to you too Owen. Of course you and Gwen can come in." Jack muttered sarcastically, sitting down on the unoccupied bed. "Because of course there's no chance we were doing anything important."
Gwen smiled sweetly, sitting down in the seat that Jack had occupied a few moments before. Of course, this only demonstrated that she did not understand sarcasm. Ianto rolled his eyes, indicating that John wasn't the only person annoyed at her presumptions.
"Anyway. BESIDES that John." Tosh snapped, re-claiming his focus. "Remember what we talked about?"
"well… technically it's not morning yet." He complained. Tosh frowned, crossing her arms.
"John, It's six o'clock."
"But that's the middle of the night on my planet." John complained. Jack started laughing, as everyone else became severely confused.
"John, that so won't work, and you know it." Jack responded, making John pout. "You've spent enough time on 24 hour planets that you're more than used to the shift by now."
"But that doesn't mean I have to like it!"
"Then why do you continue to shun caffeine in the morning?"
"Well, after the stuff saved my life once, I figured that it deserved being avoided. Plus…"
"John, you're avoiding the topic." Tosh interrupted. (Fortunately, because Ianto might have had a coronary if their conversation had continued.)
"Maybe I am." He retorted. "So what?"
Tosh set her face in a thin, stern line of disapproval. Promptly, she proceeded to pull a Tupperware container out of her bag, and proceeded to throw it at John. He had just barely managed to catch it, before she threw plastic utensils and a napkin at him. These, unlike the Tupperware, hit John unceremoniously in the face.
"Ow! Tosh!" John exclaimed, rubbing his face (they had been rather heavy plastic utensils). "What the Ubhon was that for?"
"That" Tosh replied smugly, pointing. "Would be your breakfast."
John opened the container tentatively, fully expecting something unpleasant to jump out and eat him. You never knew with this lot… Fortunately, the plastic only held a stack of something resembling bread Frisbees. Oookaaaayyyyyyyyyy…
"And I expect them to be gone by the time we're ready to leave." Tosh confirmed his suspicions, that the strangely shaped THINGS were food. "ALL of them John."
Worried, but not entirely willing to admit his confusion to the entire group, he glanced over at Jack. When the other man raised an eyebrow, John bit his lip, hoping that Jack would understand his dilemma. Jack smirked, taking the container away from John.
"Tosh, thanks for getting John breakfast…" Jack answered for him, starting to do something or other with the cheap flatware. "But next time, check with me first, okay?"
Tosh seemed severely confused, but nodded, sitting down next to Ianto on the couch. This, therefore, apparently signaled a pre-set 'watch the two weird guys from the future have a slightly-private moment' session.
However, John stopped needing to worry about them, as Jack began explaining this particular sliver of the 21st century.
"They're called pancakes John." Jack consoled, using the plastic fork to hold up a section of one of the 'pancakes'. It looked – well… to John at least – like a mini slice of pizza.
"A lot of people in this time period eat them for breakfast almost every day." Ha handed the container over to the cautious John. "I'm positive you'll be fine."
"What're they made of?" He responded critically, poking one with his finger. It squished slightly, but soon was back to it's normal shape.
'a lot like a sponge.' John mused, his mind conjuring an imaged of a synthetic sponge in a kitchen sink. 'ick. No.'
Jack sighed patiently, counting off the ingredients on his fingers.
"Typically, they're made up of pancake batter, milk, and eggs. Occasionally water as well." John didn't look convinced. "Alright, fine." Jack rolled his eyes. Clearly he was going to have to get technical.
"It's about 38% white wheat flour or…mostly starch and basic carbohydrates, C6H10O5, 34.5% is milk - 87.7% water, 4.9% lactose, 3.4% fat, 3.3% protein, and 0.7% minerals… like vitamins A-K and calcium. It's also got 22% standard chicken egg, 2.7% glucose - you should at least be familiar with that. C6h12. Plus 1.13% combined NaHCO3 and NaHCO3 + NaAl(SO4)2 + CaHPO3+C6H10O5, then 0.11% NaCl… and 4% CH3(CH2)16COOH. Satisfied?"
"Yeah…" John sighed. "Only one problem."
"What?"
"That adds up to 102.44… Not 100%." John complained. One of his less-well known traits was his love of poking fun at Jack's math skills.
"John." Jack growled dangerously.
"Yes?" he responded innocently.
"Shut the hell up and eat your pancakes already."
And so, John Hart, former time agent, wanted-by-many-centuries conman, prolific murder and all around crooked person, was introduced to pancakes.
After trying one, he was positive of at least one thing. He didn't like them. The chemical formula sounded cool… especially when Jack was the one reciting it – curse how sexy he found that – but the actual thing didn't taste all that good.
Unfortunately, John remembered Tosh's stern gaze on him. And immediately, the part of him that really wanted to make friends with her made the decision for him.
John smiled slightly when Tosh met his eye, and continued to eat the supplied "Breakfast" – no matter how sick it made him.
As John continued eating, the rest of the group moved on to different topics. Of course, it wasn't long until Gwen found the piece of paper that they had left on the table as a reminder. She picked it up, the screamed.
Ianto and Jack both turned a pale shade of pink, while John just leaned back. Gwen, no matter how enraged, just wasn't that scary.
"What were you lot up to?" she demanded, brandishing the notepad like a death warrant. All three of the not-so-guilty party shrugged.
John had written Jack's part of the bet on the notepad, so that he would remember to pay up if it turned out to be true. So, scrawled in John's very messy handwriting was:
'$30 Jack - Gwen don't know Bowie.'
"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Gwen shrieked. And clearly, she wasn't talking about John's poor grammar.
"Well," John swallowed the (probably too large, in hindsight) bite of pancake he had been chewing on. "Do you?"
"Of course I do!" Gwen responded, a little too fast.
"So…?" Jack prompted. She looked flustered for a moment, before answering.
"It's a kind of hunting knife, isn't it?" she looked around the small group. "Well, isn't it?"
And that was everyone's cue to burst into laughter again (Except for Owen, who later turned out to have such a pathological hatred of the artist to not be amused) . Gwen turned an enraged shade of red, crumpling the piece of paper in her frustration.
"Alright, alright." John snickered, sitting up. "Before Jack gets any money, I have another question." Gwen looked tentative, but nodded. "Is the name Jim Henson at all familiar?" John asked, entirely serious.
"No." she responded, shaking her head. "Should it?"
Every single person in the room (including Owen this time), backed away from her at least three feet. Soon, Gwen was surrounded by a group of stern, startled faces.
"Okay… that's not natural."
"Gwen, I know who Jim Henson is. And I haven't been born yet."
"You poor abused, underprivileged child…"
"What? You've never once seen the Muppets? EVER?"
Finally, John commented. "Alright, I'll believe it. Jack, you definitely won the bet." Then, almost silently, he mused, "And people call US freaks."
And thus, the great Labyrinth bet was ended, and Gwen was scheduled for quite a bit of Jim Henson film watching in the near future.
Once everyone had recuperated from that particular coronary, Jack decided that they actually had to get SOMETHING done, rather than just sit around poking fun at each other.
"Okay, so let's figure out what we're going to do once it's late enough." He suggested, eyeing the group carefully.
"Just when is 'late enough'?" Owen asked, clearly impatient to be moving on.
"In about an hour and a half." John responded, shrugging. Jack rolled his eyes.
"No, it isn't." He corrected. "It's closer to 45 minutes. And one of the first things were doing is re-habilitating John to EARTH time."
Apparently John got no say in said 'rehabilitation'… so the conversation moved on.
"I'll have to check the Rift data to make sure that the spike was no more than a coincidence." Tosh asserted. "Just to make sure. We wouldn't want the Rift opening up again."
This was met by many nods of agreement.
[Jack…] John deliberately made his tone dangerous, as he looked at his ex. Right away, Jack's worry showed.
{umm… gulp?} John could tell Jack was mentally begging for mercy. His eyes narrowed.
[TELL Me you Didn't.]Jack's gaze shifted.
[You DID, didn't you?] It was definitely not a question.
{Maybe…} However, to John, it was clear that the answer was YES. That and how jack avoided eye contact.
He ground his teeth, just as Jack tried to explain how he had suddenly remembered that he left something in the SUV. Before he had a chance to leave, John was on top of him, his hands around Jack's throat and his knees pinning down the taller man's arms.
"I swear, I am sorely tempted to kill you right here." John snarled, tightening his grip around Jack's throat. And so soon after having done Just that – he wasn't actually joking.
"Uhhh… please don't." Jack asked a little weakly. "I'm not sure that would really help your cause much."
John's eyes narrowed into slits.
"Fine." He conceded. "But You and I are going to have a very, very long talk about this…" then, he glanced over at the rest of Torchwood. "In Private." He growled.
With that, John grabbed a fist full of Jack's shirt, dragging him towards the bathroom. He only let go once they were out of sight of the rest of the group. Provided, they could probably still hear, but that wasn't all that important.
"Now, Jack, you have ten seconds to come up with an explanation before I get really pissed off."
Jack scrounged around for a response, as time ticked away. Finally, just as blood was about to be shed, he answered.
"I – I didn't actually mean to."
And that was the snapping point.
"You didn't MEAN to?" John repeated. Only then did Jack realize his mistake. "Jack, you have a fucking Rift bloody Manipulator. It isn't like you could trip and accidentally turn it on one day! Hell, even Gwen probably knows not to screw with the damn thing."
"Uhh…" Jack swallowed, genuinely concerned for his life now. "Why don't we ask her about that…"
Unfortunately for Jack, John grabbed a hold of his hair, preventing him from leaving. Like a prisoner on death row, John dragged the unwilling captain into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind them.
'And Jack thought that he got a migraine from the Doctor chewing him out.' Torchwood's commander didn't know the hell that he was a few seconds from facing.
To the rest of the team that was barred from the discussion, the following instances sounded like a very loud, very violent fight. However, this was actually a rather natural conversation method for the two former time agents. (and neither of them drew blood. THAT was an unusual occurrence)
Snarling, John shoved Jack to the floor, not really caring when he winced. The planet would have probably winced too – when it had a huge freaking hole torn in it by these idiots!
"Alright John… I understand that you're mad." Jack tried to smooth over, picking himself up. John scowled.
"Damn right I'm mad – Hell, I'm fucking pissed!" he spat. "Do you even remember ANYTHING we learned in school?"
Jack blushed, scratching the back of his head.
"Yea-" His response was cut short.
"No, you don't. Because you were too busy staring at the spacio-temperal physics teacher's ass to learn anything!" It was true, but it still made John feel at least a little bad to bring up Jack's failed classes. "Well, let me remind you of something." He sighed. "Rule number one, day number one: Don't do anything to the rift. Do you even remember That?"
Jack nodded. "Of course. John, look. I'm not stupid."
"Yeah right." John retorted, snorting. "Doesn't actually seem like it."
"What the hell makes you even think that?"
"Oh, let's see…" John started counting. "One, you decided to go traveling with the doctor. Very Stupid. Two, you worked for Torchwood. Three, you apparently couldn't figure out how to turn off a freaking alarm clock. Oh, and You Opened The Rift. Apparently by accident." Jack just stood, embarrassed. "Tell me Jack, how exactly do you ACCIDENTALLY open the fucking rift? Did you mistake the transmitter for a tree and go after it with a pickaxe? Something equally stupid?"
"actually…"
"Oh, don't tell me. 'It was Aliens.' Gee, thanks for blaming everything that goes wrong on ME and MY people."
"I wasn't going to…"
"Or, even better… you – fully aware of the consequences – opened up the rift, hoping that it would bring your precious little Doctor back to save you." John sneered.
"It wasn't actually my fault!" Jack screamed finally.
"The hell it wasn't!" John replied. "You could have murdered seven BILLION human beings, countless trillion other sentient creatures, and eradicated every fucking ounce of the earth… and you expect me to believe that it was a bloody accident?"
"I wasn't the one who opened the rift!" Jack begged. "Please, John, just listen to me!"
"Why should I Jack? Tell me that. Why should I? Everybody I've ever met has always called ME the homicidal maniac. So where are you standing from now? Where is your proof now, huh? Hypocrite!"
"But it wasn't me."
"Then who? Who the hell opened the rift Jack? Magic? Aliens? The bloody government? WHO?"
"My team, John."
"Oh, now that's rich." John laughed, sneering. "As if. Jack, I can't believe you would hire anyone stupid enough to even think about opening the rift. Didn't you tell them? Didn't you explain the danger that an open rift would put the planet – hell, the whole solar system - in? Didn't you tell them how it could collapse the black hole at the center of the fucking galaxy?" Jack thought he was ready to stop, but John had just paused to take a breath. "Didn't you? Or were you too busy prancing around Cardiff, pretending to be important. Did you just not bother, actually trusting that they would behave? And YOU! Jack, You're in charge of torchwood! Don't you know how to password encrypt something. Hell, full palm scanner. Did that not occur to you? Put a heat sensor on the manipulator, and a palm scanner. That isn't so hard to put together, is it? Was that another class you were preoccupied in? Is your team literally that stupid that they would just open the rift without your saying so?"
"They didn't know what they were doing!" Jack finally started defending himself.
John snorted. "That I can believe." Humans.
"John! It isn't like that, I swear. They were tricked. Everyone saw someone they loved begging them to open the rift. They were convinced that it was real. Look – Owen heard the girl that left him telling him that she was trapped by it. Tosh saw her mother. Ianto saw his dead girlfriend. Gwen's fiancé was Murdered, and she thought he would come back." John could see each and every piece of information about the people Jack was talking about. Both of their barriers had been torn down during their fight, so John had free reign to search Jack's memories. What he found made him barely sympathetic.
"Please John." Jack begged of his un-amused ex. "What would you have done if it was me?"
"I would have let you rot." John replied coldly. "Because I, unlike some people apparently, know not to mess with the rift."
Tears were now flowing freely from Jacks eyes, and he looked like John had just physically slapped him.
"Who did you see?" John demanded. "I'm positive it wasn't me."
"How?" jack whispered.
"You. Left. Me." John growled. That was all the explanation necessary.
"I said I was sorry."
"But you're not, are you?" John screamed, now in tears of his own. "You're never sorry for anything until it comes back and fucking kills you. You're not sorry for leaving me, you aren't sorry for dropping off the radar, Hell, I bet you aren't even sorry for abandoning Ianto for your stupid friend."
Jack had no response he could make, so he had no choice but to let John continue to rant.
"So, I'll ask again. Who? Who did YOU see? Because there's no way that the Heroic captain Jack Harkness would have ever let down a damsel screaming for his help." John wiped angrily at his tears. "so? What Bitch did You have calling out for you? 'Oh, obi-wan, come save me. You're our only hope'." It was a crude plagiarism of star wars, but it was accurate.
"Was it your darling little doctor? Because I know that you love him SO dearly." John's words dripped with sickly-sweet sarcasm. "or was it rose. Rosie… I knew it was only a matter of time before you screwed around with a blonde Jack. I just knew it. And look where that got you." Jack was practically pressed back against the wall as john invaded his personal space. John shoved Jack, hard, back into the door. Then, he did something both of them regretted later.
"No…" He paused, backing up a few steps. "You decided to open it for someone else. Regardless of the consequences, regardless of the human cost – regardless of the fact it would consume the planet! You tore open the rift because you wanted your fucking baby brother back, Didn't you?"
"They SHOT me!"
John fell deadly silent, as tears formed in Jack's eyes.
"John, they shot me. My own team, they betrayed me. The people I thought I could trust – the people I thought I loved like family shot me. THEY opened the rift. Owen shot me through the head, then the rest of them had the disgusting Idea of using MY DEAD BODY to unlock and function the Rift Manipulator."
John opened his mouth to make a comment, but was cut short.
"Now I have to live with them every fucking day! You might have expected it, but I didn't. I trusted them – I believed them! You know how hard it is for me to let people in like that. And what do they do? They kill me, without apparently any remorse, use my corpse to annihilate the planet, then beg for my help. No sympathy what so ever when I woke up John. None at all. They just started begging me to solve their fucking problems! Their choices made ME sacrifice. I had to go out, face Lucifer himself… because my team was a group of imbeciles who can't sympathize with me. It's like they don't care that I can still feel it!"
John stood, silently facing away, as Jack continued. He wasn't quite sure what to say.
"John…" Jack's voice had returned to normal levels. "Every time I die, it feels like my body is being torn to shreds by dull razor blades. If you can imagine it… it's probably worse than that." Jack gestured to the bandages holding John's arms together.
"I CAN imagine." John sympathized, now realizing he was chewing out the entirely wrong person.
"But that wasn't the end…" John's heart stopped dead at those words.
"What do you mean, that wasn't the end?" John asked, glancing over his shoulder.
"I had the whole of my life force torn from my body, like someone had just shoved their hand around my heart and was twisting it out. I died, but it closed the rift and sent the demon back." John could feel the horrible, ripping, consuming pain Jack was talking about. The faintest trace made him shiver.
"And?"
"And I lay dead for a week. That was right before I left." Jack sighed. "I doubt anyone really shed a single tear for me. They certainly didn't act like it when I woke up. But when I got back just today…" he shook his head.
{What was left of my soul died when they saw me.}
Meekly, John stole a glimpse into Jack's more recent memories. The second he glimpsed Torchwood's reaction, John became violently ill.
[Gwen's a bigger hypocrite than you made her out to be.]He responded.
And sure enough, Gwen's face was a mural of anger, disappointment, and lust.
Tosh was just dumbstruck, but not overjoyed.
Owen looked ready to break his nose, but didn't notice the dead look in Jack's eyes.
And Ianto… he just stared, not a single ounce of emotion on his face.
"You were the first person to smile at me today John." Jack admitted, slouching in defeat.
"Bastards." John muttered, sliding past Jack to get out the door.
Without even showing recognition to the group, he began collecting his stuff. All the while, John snarled quietly, more to himself – though he didn't care anyone overheard.
"Fucking Humans… fucking Torchwood… Fucking planet… fucking bastard team…" John had already shoved his jacket on, and was halfway through his belts when he started walking towards the door. "Fucking time lord bitch… fucking life."
Jack finally came out of the bathroom. Before John had a chance to open the door, there was a hand on his wrist.
"Please." The taller man begged. "Stay."
The request came at just over a whisper, but John still heard it clearly. He set his jaw, pulling out of Jack's grip.
"Sorry. I think I've stayed here long enough." But John was sure that Jack heard the underlying meaning of his words.
[If I stay here any longer, the rest of them will end up dead.]
Reluctantly, Jack nodded, letting him leave. John stepped out into the hallway, closing the door almost silently behind him. As he started to walk away, he realized that he had no way of knowing where he was. All he knew was that for the next half hour, he had to avoid himself. Because that kind of a paradox was definitely not something that a still recovering rift needed.
Confused and disoriented from his spiraling emotions, John staggered his way to the roof. Once his lungs filled with clean, cool air, his self-control broke down. He collapsed to his hands and knees, freely sobbing after so long. No one was coming for him, No one was after him. For the first time ever, he was safe.
This is what free tastes like.
Still in the hotel room…
Jack stood by the door, stunned at the sudden change of events. Not only had he lost John, but he had also lost some of his meager trust of his team. Well… not his team. Not really. Not anymore.
Jack leaned his head against the door, his fist pressed strongly into the metal, caught between fury and containment. Finally, after so long, he let himself cry. He cried for when he had to let Jasmine go to the fairies. He cried for when he had sent the REAL captain Jack to his death. The death that had to happen so that he could steal the man's name… his life. After all, wasn't that what he was doing? Jack was walking around with another man's life.
Jack cried for the betrayal he felt, for the pain that his friends had caused him. But they weren't , were they? No, he had lost his last friend. John. And there was nothing that he could do to ever get him back.
But most of all, Jack cried for what he had gone through with the doctor. He had left his co-workers, because the doctor had shown up, with hardly a second thought. John was right… He was a hypocrite. He was the biggest hypocrite ever. He had betrayed his team, in lieu of them having done the same thing to him.
But could they ever really understand what he had gone through? What he had gone through for THEM? For the whole planet? Funny, how he hadn't even considered it that way when John was here… like his effect was to make him see everything as just another piece of living. Because, after all, wasn't that true? Before John had left, it hadn't mattered much to him – the pain, the memories, because there was always something more important going on. But now that he finally had time to think, Jack realized how wrong the people he worked with had been. It wasn't all his fault. If he hadn't done what he had, then the world would still be enslaved.
You see, what few people knew, and only a handful understood, was that Jack had been a key part of the Doctor's plan. It was the plan they had all agreed on. And Jack was the center point. It was his Job to keep the Master distracted. As long as Jack continued to revive, then Saxon would be so obsessed that he couldn't focus on anything else with all of his attention.
It was Jack's torture that had kept Martha hidden, and safe.
It was the pain that HE endured, that had let the Doctor regenerate.
It was his lives that had replaced those of the dead.
It was him that had saved the world.
If only someone else could see it that way.
But no one else did. They all thought that he had left for no reason at all. That was the farthest from the truth. Unfortunately, the truth didn't change people's feelings. And Jack had to sense every teaspoon of hatred and blame. Immortality wouldn't be so bad if he didn't have the emotions to go along with all of the deaths.
His team wasn't his team anymore. His friends had long since ceased to be friends. His co-workers had replaced him. His family… had just slipped through his fingers like sand.
Just like John, Jack was now entirely alone in the universe… without a single tie to hold him down.
Free.
The word was strange, foreign to John. What did it really mean? Was this what it felt like all the time, or was it just the sudden shock? What was he supposed to do now?
But the one thing he was sure of, was that he was safe. John had finally rid himself of the weight that had always hung over him. He could do whatever he wanted or needed to. No longer was he bound by cruel orders and a strict military regime. His family was gone, no longer a threat until he died. The Agency couldn't reach him here, right below the rift.
In a little while, he might go back and find Torchwood again. But not right now. Not while they were still sore from his actions. He could apologize to Jack, maybe find help since he was a stranger to this city. But that wouldn't be a permanent solution. No. He would wander around a bit first, just to explore the new world he found himself in.
Of course, he would have to stay in Cardiff. He may be off limits here, but once he got out from under the protection of the rift, he was fair game again.
Slowly, fear began to consume him once again. He was still guilty, of so much. There wasn't a chance that he would get off this easy. Up until now, his life had been his penance for what he did. But since that no longer hung over him… what could the goddesses possibly have planned for him?
Shwiln, please. If this is your sister's pardon of me, send me some sign of it so I won't live the rest of my life in terror.
After waiting for what felt like hours, he felt a small relaxation that started in his chest and spread outward. At the sensation, he grinned. At long last, this was freedom.
Still crying from the pain of leaving Jack, and from the sudden shock of his liberation, he could only think of one thing to do.
On his knees in the bright city night, John started to laugh. He wrapped his arms securely around his chest, to hold on to the last traces of the feeling. And he laughed. While tears rolled down his face, forming a puddle on the rooftop around him, John laughed.
Slowly, as if it were his last trip ever, Jack turned around from the door. Though his eyes were red and flooded, they still held emotion. He walked deliberately back over to the bed where he had left his bag. Without a word to the others in the room, he started packing up whatever he had brought with.
Finally, one of the humans in the room got up the courage to ask a question.
"Jack?" Tosh's voice was unsure. Jack barely registered it, and he certainly didn't look over. "What are you doing?"
"Leaving." He responded simply. Having finished cramming everything into his backpack, he threw it over one shoulder. At last, he looked at them.
As he had expected, all of them were curious. And all of them felt betrayed. All of them had some level of fear – but only for themselves. He had known all of that before even coming out of the bathroom. What he wanted to know was if there was any remorse in any of them.
Before Gwen could ask her typical question, he answered it.
"It's pretty clear that I don't belong here anymore."
Jack turned, starting to walk out. But he sensed their tension, their un-sureness of his decision. He ground his teeth, his fingernails biting into the lined skin of his palm.
'Fine. If they doubt my resolve, then I'll give them my reasons.'
He turned around, looking each of them in the eye. To his surprise, Ianto stood in front of him, visibly shaken.
"Don't go." He begged, meeting Jack's eyes. "Please."
It was a desperate plea, but just one person asking wasn't enough to break his feelings of debt to John.
"I just wanted you lot to know something." He growled, unfazed by Ianto's request. "I Left for you. I Died for you. And I came back for YOU." At his last word, Jack jabbed a finger into Ianto's chest.
He waited a few seconds, but there was no response. Sickened, he spun around, making it almost all the way to the door before he was interrupted again.
"Where will you go?" Ianto asked, worry clear in his voice. Jack shrugged, addressing the door.
"I'm gonna find John, and apologize. After that, who knows." He glanced over his shoulder. "Why should it matter?"
"How do you know he's still here?" Gwen asked. Just the sound of her voice made Jack mad.
"This is Cardiff. Because of the rift, he's safe here." Jack sighed. "And he wouldn't jump timelines either."
"Why wouldn't he just go home?" Gwen continued, clearly trying to get jack to stay longer.
Jack swallowed his tears coming back strongly. Furious, he spun around.
"Because he doesn't have a home anymore!" He screamed. Then, in a quieter voice, "just like I don't."
'Not anymore,' he thought, as he walked out, without the slightest glance backwards.
Ianto stood in the middle of the room, stunned. Meekly, he turned around, to face what remained of Torchwood.
"He'll come back." Gwen said nonchalantly, leaning backwards. "He always does."
And then it hit him.
"No, he won't." Ianto corrected. Everyone sat, staring at him in confusion. Their faces were plain to read.
What? What do you mean he won't come back? He has to. He just – he just does.
"His last tie broke." Ianto sighed, collapsing down on the bed John had Just been lying on less than ten minutes earlier. Slowly, he met each team member's eyes.
"Jack doesn't have any reason at all to come back to us." Tears threatened as Ianto's words sank in. "WE drove him away. We killed him, welcomed him back to life, then replaced him. Why?" He paused, weighing the consequences of what he was about to say. "Because Jack dared to want something for himself. Jack Dared, and he was hurt worse than death for it."
Gwen opened her mouth, as if she was about to comment, but Ianto cut her off.
"Jack wanted to live. And when I said he wanted something for himself, I say that because it's the only thing he's really, really wanted for a long time. To be mortal again." Ianto bit his lip, to stop the flow of tears. "But he couldn't, see? He went with the doctor because he had faith the he would be able to be fixed. But he couldn't. The Doctor said No. Could you understand that?" Ianto glanced around the small group. "Jack put decades of his life into the faith that the doctor could fix him. It was the only thing that kept him from entirely falling apart. And right when he needed sympathy, when that faith was destroyed, what did we do?"
Tosh was in tears now, understand what Ianto was saying.
"But it gets worse." He continued. THIS was the part that would kill them. "He didn't come back right away. That's the problem. On top of his broken heart, Jack has hours of physical pain added to it."
A patient silence met him, as Ianto caught up with his mind.
"Jack was tortured. Before or after the Doctor told him no, I can't be sure. But he died. I'm positive. Whether it was just three months, or longer, I have no idea. There is no way for any of us to know even part of the pain he must have gone through."
"How?" Gwen asked. She was still confused about how Jack could have wanted to be 'fixed' for them. To her, that sounded very selfish.
"He can't die." Ianto and Owen answered at the same moment. Finally, Tosh spoke up.
"Gwen, whatever happens to Jack, can be monumentally worse than what any of us would have to live through." She explained quietly. "He could literally be dismembered bit by bit, then have his heart torn out of his chest. But he would have to remember the pain once he came back to life."
Finally, Gwen seemed to get it. Ianto stood up, starting to pace.
"And after all that, how do we treat him?" he now stared at Gwen. "We replaced him, and treated him like an outsider. The first 'welcome home' he got was from a man he hasn't seen since his early twenties." Bile worked its way up Ianto's throat.
"We acted like we owned him. Like he belonged to us… Belonged to Torchwood." Ianto sighed. "But no matter how long he put in, that isn't how anyone should be treated. It isn't important, the fact that he can't die. His immortality should have nothing to do with how we treat him." Another thought occurred to him. "In that respect, we're just as bad as Torchwood London."
"And we're just starting to sympathize with him Now, since it's too late."
John sensed Jack's approach, before he even stepped out onto the roof. He didn't send out any sign of recognition to lead Jack to him. Then again, he didn't block their link either. Slowly, he began to get control of his hysterics long enough to talk.
"I thought that you were staying with your team." He noticed, standing up. "Why the sudden change?"
Jack walked towards him, from out of the shadows covering the door.
"They aren't MY team anymore." He shrugged. "they stopped being my team when they replaced me."
"so you came to me?" john wondered, incredulous. Jack shrugged again.
"I just realized, when you have something…" he stepped forward, so that john could just make out the traces of his tears in the hazy light.
"that's really important to you…" John felt jack take his hand, holding it gently. "you don't-"
At that very moment, the door to the roof slammed shut, and someone came running towards them. Before they could interrupt, Jack pulled John to him, holding the smaller man close. John smiled weakly, until he realized who it was.
"Gwen." He growled. Jack sent a feeling of reassurance through their link.
{don't worry about her.}
"Jack!" Gwen shrieked. John winced, disappointed at Jack's apparent lie. Soon enough, Gwen had torn him away from John, and had him in a hug that might have split his ribcage open.
"Ohmygod Jack, I'm so sorry!" she sobbed into Jack's shirt, as John stood, helpless. Everything always fell apart on him. It just did. In his depression, he ignored whatever was said, even when Gwen dragged Jack away.
However, right before Jack left hearing range, he called out.
"You lied." That caught Jack's attention. "You're leaving me again, aren't you?"
Jack opened his mouth to say something in reply, but Gwen dragged him away too soon. Tired, John sat down on the edge of the roof, watching the early morning start up all over Cardiff.
John's words stung Jack like a knife wound. And the fact Gwen had interrupted was rock salt added to the mixture.
Oblivious to Jack's building rage, the enthusiastic welsh woman pulled him down the staircase, to where everyone else was waiting. Well, except for Ianto. Jack vaguely wondered where he was, until he saw the young man running towards them.
"Gwen!" Ianto shouted, obviously annoyed about something. "I thought I told you to leave him alone?"
"But he was on the roof, and John was there with him. I – what if he had pushed Jack off again?"
Her concern may have been touching, but right then, Jack was fed up with the whole group.
"Get your hand off me." He snarled, pulling away and heading right back for the stairs.
"Wait!" Gwen yelled, and Jack could sense her distress. "But I said I was sorry!"
"For what?" he asked, turning to face her. "Because unless you know exactly what to be sorry for, then an apology is just a few words in the right order. So what are you sorry for?"
"We – you died, and we treaded you badly." She stammered. Jack rolled his eyes. "we opened the rift, and you had to die because of it. You warned us not to, but we ignored it and then Abaddon showed up, and you died, and we didn't apologize when you woke up. And – and you left, and we acted like you weren't allowed to…"
At that, Jack burst out laughing.
"If you think that I'm still bitter over Abaddon, then you don't know me." He smirked. "I left, because I wanted to give YOU the chance to have normal lives. Not have to live knowing that your morality would be staring you in the face every time you saw me." then, he met Ianto's eyes. "And when I say I died for you, I mean it. Abaddon was a monumental pussy compared to the master."
There. He had managed to say His name. That wasn't too bad.
The next thing he said came as a surprise to everyone.
"Look, I might not leave entirely. But I will mend things with John." Jack pulled something out of his bag, showing it to the group. It was a photo album. "He thinks that I forgot him once I left. But I never did. I always carry this around with me, no matter what."
"What is it?" Gwen asked.
"Some of my only happy memories." Jack explained. "From my entire life." With that, he started up the stairs again.
"I'm coming with you." Gwen asserted suddenly. Jack heaved a heavy sigh.
"You can't." he said. "None of you can. John has a deep and profound distrust and hatred of humanity. That may be one of his traits that we have in common." This earned him many stares. "John's not going to open up, let alone calm down enough for me to talk to him if you're there. Especially since he now views you all as people who almost annihilated the planet."
"We didn't mean to." Tosh muttered, embarrassed. Jack's anger softened some.
"I know. But John doesn't care. To him you're just a bunch of lunatics." This seemed to have little effect, so he sighed, continuing. "Fine. If I can get John calmed down enough to come back with me, I'll stay. Okay?" the group still looked unsure. "You can stay here and guard the door if you want."
"Why the sudden change of mind?" Ianto wondered.
"Hey, Torchwood's been my home since I was a kid." Jack shrugged. "A century makes for a hard habit to break. So I want to hold on to as much as I can. John's just one of those things that slapped me upside the head and won't leave." Jack grinned. "Like I'm gonna let my roommate leave without tellin' him where I ended up." After a moment's thought, he added quietly, "Plus, I still owe you a date."
Then, before anyone else could have the bright Idea to stop him, Jack ran up the stairs… probably leaving Ianto with a lot of questions to field.
Jack stepped back out onto the roof, scanning it for any sign of John. He was just about to turn around, when he was shoved up against the wall.
John's face was less than an inch from his, and his grin spelled trouble.
"You talk too loud." He chastised, enjoying the feel of Jack's shirt clenched in his hands. Jack opened his mouth to make a sarcastic retort, but John decided at that moment to kiss him. And while he may have been mentally unstable, that had no effect what so ever on his kissing ability. Jack was just lucky that there was a wall behind him, otherwise John probably would have dropped him when his knees gave way.
When John pulled back, Jack found he had just enough air in his lungs to ask one question.
"So… I take it you heard the photo album part?"
John hit him with another one of his impish grins as a response.
"That… and then some." He let go of Jack's shirt. "You have a date with Eye candy. And you didn't tell me." John mockingly scolded him. "Shame on you."
Jack found himself grinning despite everything. John followed him to the stairs before making his next comment.
"Oh, and you lied."
Jack turned around, already two steps down.
"About what?" He demanded.
"Abaddon." John shrugged. Jack sighed, continuing down the stair case. Curse theology classes in all shapes and forms.
"You told me you had to face Lucifer. I was actually feeling worried for you."
"Gee, thanks." Jack called back.
John grinned, sliding down the hand rail. "You're welcome. Plus, you totally flunked fencing." He jumped off, hitting the ground long before Jack did. "I was thinking that you had to go up against the vengeful archangel. Abaddon's a pushover compared to Lucifer – all you've gotta' do is drop him in a black hole. Tada, done, over, time to go out and get drunk! But Lucifer. Geeze, I thought that you were chopped up into little bits by a pissed off fictional reference."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "I'll have you know, my skills with any sort of blade have improved tremendously."
"oh they have, have they?" He smiled. "Care to demonstrate?"
"Only if nobody else is around." Jack laughed, causing all of the people born in this era to be worried. But soon enough, their worries were dissipated when Jack grinned at them.
"So, you two are coming along?" Owen assumed, pushing off of the wall he had been leaning on. Jack smiled, wrapping a soothing arm around John's shoulders.
"Ah, I don't see why not."
John grinned, snuggling his head into the hollow of Jack's shoulder. Shrugging, they started down the hall.
"I just now realized that you're really comfy." John muttered into Jack's shirt. The rest of the group stopped in front of them… except for Ianto, who seemed not to have noticed John's comment.
"What?" Jack laughed. "After ten years of us sharing an apartment, and you're just now realizing that you like cuddling?"
"uh-hun" John confirmed, burying his nose deeper into Jack's coat. "And you smell nice too." He added. (Just in case Jack was having any doubts about his insanity.)
"Then explain how you're first comment nearly every morning was that I was soft."
John shrugged. "Whatever. It's still true."
"Actually, I think the exact wording you used was 'yousa' cozy'."
By the time their miniature debate over John's phrasing of 'Jack is comfortable', they were already about halfway down the hall. Jack let go of John's shoulders, so that he could talk to Ianto for a little while. However, when he looked back, he wasn't all that surprised to see John… with his nose buried deep in a book.
'pfff… as if he expected me to have at all stopped reading.' John thought, walking without so much as glancing away from his page. This, thought usual for John, attracted quite a bit of attention from the other members of the group.
"John, what are you actually reading?" Jack demanded. John shrugged. In truth, it was just some random hard cover book he had picked up – alright, stolen – from the room. There was this weird shape on the front… sort of like a +. So, at first he had thought it was a math book. Only it definitely wasn't. THAT much he was sure of by the first page.
"An interesting work of pulp fiction." He answered, continuing to walk past the others.
'Who are all standing in the hallway for no apparent reason', John thought. 'like they haven't seen someone navigating from memory before. Geeze, welsh are thick' (although two of the three bystanders weren't from wales originally… but we'll ignore that for the moment).
"John…" Ianto seemed a bit hesitant when he spoke. "That's the king James Bible."
Ahh… so that's why it sounded like complete nonsense.
"Exactly." John shrugged, finally looking up. "Like I said. Pulp fiction."
Gwen seemed to have a minor heart attack at that comment, everyone else (aside from Jack) went pale, and John went back to reading. He was already about ten yards ahead of them before Jack managed to convince the group to keep walking.
He overheard part of Jack's comment. "Yes, I'm positive that he isn't contagious."
John stopped, turned around, and waited. Sighing, he placed on hand on his hip, the other holding his place in the book.
"So I take it you haven't gotten around to mythology in my backstory Jack?" He smirked, tapping his fingers against his belt. Jack smiled, shrugging.
"I guess now would be a good time to mention that John's pagan, right?"
This was met by a variety of reactions. Tosh and Owen exchanged looks, Ianto raised an eyebrow, and Gwen… Gwen seemed ready to be violently ill. However, the biggest issue was John. Or, rather, John's disapproval of that assessment.
"Pagan… that means a religion that is comprised of multiple gods and goddesses, where the stories are mostly made up to compromise a lack in scientific knowledge." He shrugged. "Sorry babe. I ain't pagan."
Jack sighed. "John, you have thirteen goddesses. How is that not pagan?"
"Because my religion has morals." He responded, turning back around and continuing to read. "Just because I may not be monotheistic doesn't make me pagan. Half of Zol's sisters are still virgins mate."
John could sense Jack rolling his eyes, and smirked.
"Oh, and by the way…"He could feel the group involuntarily shudder. "Your van's suspension is overdue to be replaced by about a year." John grinned over his shoulder. "You might want to look into that."
Afterwards, Jack confiscated the bible from John, much to his disappointment. And he was only half way through it too. The rest of the way to the SUV was relatively painless after that. Well, except for the stairs.
John, in his rush to get out of the room, hadn't bothered to tie his shoes. Typically, that wouldn't be a problem. However, the issue arose when he tried to walk down the stairs. That caused problems.
Just as John started down the stairs, the heel of one of his boots slid down his foot. When he tried to take another step, his ankle twisted in his shoe, causing him to lose his balance. Fortunately, Jack had gone ahead of John, just in case something went wrong.
So, when John started to fall forward, Jack was standing right there to catch him. Almost as if he knew that his ex was going to get into trouble.
When John felt himself start to fall forward, he involuntarily put his hands out to break his fall. In the back of his mind, he could feel the tired, groggy desire stirring again. Annoyed by its waking, John closed his eyes, waiting for gravity to pull him down the flight of stairs.
However, instead of collapsing down the stairs, his fall was broken by something – actually, someone. Jack let john lean on him, as he caught his breath. His heart was racing, and John could feel a embarrassed flush crawling from between his shoulders. Finally, he straightened, annoyingly reluctant to let go.
"Umm… sorry." He muttered, pulling his boot back into place. Jack smirked, stepping back from John.
"You okay?" He asked, glancing back towards the rest of the group.
"Yeah." John nodded, struggling furiously to contain his embarrassment. He swallowed, shrugging the feeling off after about half a second.
Jack set his jaw, which made john concerned once more.
'Does he not believe me? Or does he think that I'm hiding something else? Well, I wouldn't put it past him. After all, I still haven't explained why I changed my mind.'
Fortunately, Jack only made him sit down and tie his shoes before they left. That, and return the book to the front desk.
They also heard that there had been a lot of complaints during the night. Apparently, a lot of people ahd heard loud Genesis music.
Océane: Oops… so much for not attracting attention? Oh, and I apologize for John's bi-polarness… it was sort of needed to keep this chapter on track. Plus, I just couldn't resist.
John: gee, thanks. Still… Océane wants reviews. (seriously, she's been nagging me about them for like, ever.)
Océane: PLEASE! *puppy eyes* I'll write cute fluff scenes if you do!
John: *backs away in terror* umm… you know, now would be a really good time to go check on –
Océane: I'll put john in Pink! That's what I'll do.
John: Oh, no. I draw the line at pancakes. No. I. Will. NEVER. Wear pink.