Chapter 10

Whatever response Kate might have expected, it was certainly not to see the normally composed head teacher dissolve into tears in front of her. Common sense told her that Caroline's reaction was not solely that of a parent hearing concerns about her child. She thought quickly and crossed the office to put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the outside of the door, reducing the likelihood of unwanted intrusion and embarrassment.

She returned to her chair and, reaching across the desk, gently and briefly touched Caroline arm.

'I'm so sorry, Caroline. Would you like me to go?'

A shake of the head was the only sign that her question had been heard. Caroline's anguished sobs echoed around the room. Slowly Caroline's hands moved from her face. Mascara-stained tears streamed down her ashen cheeks. Kate picked up a tissue from the box on the desk and handed it, without comment, to the weeping woman.

'Thank you. I'm sorry, Kate. Whatever must you think of me?' Caroline's voice was quiet, quavering with emotion. She wiped her nose and eyes before glancing at Kate, who gave a tentative, encouraging smile in return.

'No need to be sorry, Caroline. I'm the one who should apologise.'

'That you shouldn't. I'm very grateful to you for telling me. Can I ask, this is awkward, have you mentioned your concerns to anyone else?'

'No, I haven't. I debated what to do for the best. Normally I would go to the head of year, but something made me hesitate and I've come directly to you.'

The head threw her soggy tissue in the waste bin and pulled a clean one from the box. She took a compact mirror from her messenger bag, checked her face and dealt as best she could with a few stubborn smudges. She fiddled with the mirror, twirling it between forefinger and thumb, and the repetitive motion appeared to calm her ragged emotions. Eventually her hands stilled, and she dared again to lift her blood-shot eyes towards the patient Kate. The methodical ticking of the wall clock had been the only sound for a considerable time.

'I'm glad you did, Kate. I realise that this has put you in a difficult position and I'm sorry for that. As I think you've already worked out, it's a delicate matter and I'm not sure what to say to you. There is something worrying Lawrence but I'm going to ask you for a favour. Would you leave this with me until tomorrow? I need to think.'

'Of course. Whatever you want is fine.'

'I want to ask one more thing. Have any other members of staff said anything? I'm sure that the head's son having problems would make for very entertaining gossip in the staff room.' Vulnerability and pain hung heavily on every word.

'No, no one, Caroline. Perhaps the relaxed atmosphere of the form group makes changes in personalities more easily noticeable. I hope I haven't misread him and caused you to worry unnecessarily.' Kate had no doubt that her instincts were correct, but she had been moved by Caroline's palpable hurt and so desperately wanted to give some hope or reassurance. She ignored Caroline's comments about staff room gossip, both knowing that there were a few members of staff whose professional standards were not always what they should be.

'If you had any doubt when you came into the room I have a feeling my reaction confirmed your hunch, but thank you for trying to be positive.' With both elbows on the desk Caroline cupped her chin in her hands and smiled, although her glistening blue eyes failed to follow her lips' example.

'Should I leave you with your thoughts?'

'Please, Kate. Thank you for your concern for my son. I don't think he could have anyone better in his corner. Truly.'

'Thank you, but I'm just doing my job and that's what counts. Shall I come and see you tomorrow? I'm free last period in the morning, or on break times.'

'Just before lunch would suit my diary, thank you. See you tomorrow.'

Just before Kate reached the office door a faltering voice caught her attention and she turned towards the head teacher.

'Thank you for your concern for his mum, too. This school is lucky to have you.'

Kate nodded in acknowledgement, feeling the weight of the commendation.

ooOoo

By half past six, with dinner eaten and dish-washer loaded, Caroline knew that it was time to speak to her younger son. He had just completed his homework and with William next door helping his Gran with her new laptop it was an ideal time.

Fortune was on her side as he opened the door to the conversation when she sat beside him in the lounge.

'Dad's just phoned.'

'Ok. That's good, isn't it?'

'Yes, I guess. At least he's keeping his promises to ring even if he did let me down at the weekend.' The last-minute cancellation to their cinema plans had hit him hard. 'He apologised. Again. I told him I didn't mind.' The young teenager's voice and face told a very different story.

'Whereas you really did mind?'

'What do you think?' he snapped.

'I know what I think, Lawrence. I was asking what you felt.' She narrowed the physical distance between them and smoothed his tussled hair. 'It's ok to be honest. With me, your dad, everyone. You don't have to pretend. In fact, it's best not to. We're all struggling, Lawrence. We shouldn't put on a brave face.'

'I don't think I have been.'

'What makes you say that?' she asked, feeling that a little leading might help the conversation along.

Lawrence looked around the room as if searching for something, and then towards his hands, which played with the Xbox remote control. The youngster's inner torment was clear to see, and his mum's heart was heavier for it.

'Do you mean you've not been pretending that all is well or that you haven't needed to pretend?' Caroline sensed that there was a danger he was about to put the lid back on his feelings.

'How are you managing, mum? Have you been putting on a brave face?'

Now it was his mum's turn to speak honestly. 'You know what, Lawrence, I think I've been trying and failing and it hasn't helped me or anyone else to pretend that all is well. I thought I'd done a grand job of carrying on as if nothing was worrying me or that I didn't have any problems. All that I'm doing is bottling it up but then it starts to seep out and I upset those who just happen to be about at the time. Then the lid goes back on again and nothing gets resolved.'

'I don't think I've been fooling anyone either. Yesterday Angus asked me if I would rather hang around with someone else as apparently I'm acting like a grumpy knobhead.' Lawrence admitted. 'I told him that he wasn't all that and I haven't spoken to him since.'

'Did you think you should explain things to him? Perhaps that might help.'

Caroline could sense that Lawrence was considering her question carefully, which gave her hope.

'I think I might tell him. We've been friends since forever and I don't think that he wouldn't blurt it out to anyone else. What's Gran always going on about? I don't bother to listen after the first bit. Something about a trouble shared.'

'Is a trouble halved.'

'Yes, that's it.' His fidgeting stopped and his shoulders lifted as he took a deep breath in. 'Perhaps you should tell someone too, mum.'

Caroline looked pensive as her thoughts struggled for release. Who would she tell? Who could she trust? Who would be her Angus?

'Mum?'

'Maybe, Lawrence, maybe. Want to ring Angus up now and see if he's free? I could take you to his house, just for an hour or so,' she suggested, directing attention back to Lawrence's needs.

Twenty minutes after phoning his best friend Lawrence was standing on his doorstep.

'I'll pick you up at half past nine.' Caroline called out from the car as he went inside.

ooOoo

As she set off home her thoughts were more on Lawrence's time with Angus and the emotions of her day than on driving. Blaring horns from other vehicles announced her inattention when a set of traffic lights changed from red. Caroline's hasty reaction caused her to take a wrong turning, into Harrogate's one-way system, and she found herself heading away from home rather than towards it. After some minutes she pulled out of the flow of traffic into a retail park.

'Oh shit!' she screamed, thumping the steering wheel with the heel of her left hand.

Taking stock of her surroundings, somewhere that she rarely visited, the Costa across the car park seemed like a place of refuge but first she thought she ought to phone William.

'Hi William. I'm not coming home before I pick Lawrence up and I thought I'd better let you know.'

'That's fine. I'm still at Gran's. Are you ok?'

'I'm ok but I've decided to have a coffee while I'm out. Might treat myself to a muffin too.'

'Good for you. Well, if you bring some back for the rest of us, that is. Muffins, not coffee!'

'No problem. See you later. Bye.'

Putting up her umbrella to protect from a sudden downpour the head teacher ran for the canopy outside the coffee shop. While her hands fumbled with the catch of the umbrella she shook the water off her woefully inadequate shoes and, for the second time that evening, was inattentive to what was happening around her, consequently knocking into someone who was leaving the cafe.

'I'm so sor…Kate!'

'I don't believe it. What a coincidence.'

Apologising to a couple who were trying to get past them, Caroline held Kate's elbow and guided them to one side of the entrance. She pointed to the carrier bags in Kate's hands. 'If you're doing your Christmas shopping this early I'm very impressed!'

'I'm afraid not. I've treated myself to some new lampshades and cushions. These shops are very convenient, too convenient, really. It doesn't take me long to walk here if I cut through the park and I must have spent a fortune since I moved in. Oh, heavens. I didn't realise it was raining.'

'It started a few minutes ago, sadly. Do you want to borrow my umbrella? I've got the car so I can manage without.'

Kate lifted both arms as if to pose the question as to how she would hold an umbrella.

'Oh yes! Silly me. How about I give you a lift home instead?'

'That's a kind offer but I guess you're looking forward to a coffee. I'll be ok. Thanks anyway.'

Kate did not know the reason behind the look of absolute disappointment developing on her employer's face but, with the events of the afternoon still clear in her mind, she hazarded a quick guess that Caroline might want some company and put her theory to the test.

'To tell you the truth, Caroline, I only went into Costa to use their loo. I'd love a coffee and a cake but I didn't fancy sitting on my own. Can I join you?' Kate's statements were a work of fiction, but she wanted to make her offer in a way that Caroline might find more acceptable.

The change in Caroline's expression would have melted the hardest of hearts, which Kate could certainly not be accused of having.

'Would you? I'd really like that. Here, let me take some of your bags.'

Settled at a table with their cappuccinos and cakes, a sense of embarrassment hung between the two women before Kate took charge of the situation.

'Your cake looks better than mine! What is it?'

'Salted caramel. I don't mind swapping.' Caroline felt so pleased to have company that, in truth, she would not have minded Kate eating both.

'Give over, mine's bigger than yours! Anyway, is this your normal Monday evening indulgence?'

Caroline stirred her cappuccino and took a sip. Lawrence's prompting to talk to someone and her own awareness of needing a close friend joined forces in her psyche. Could Kate be her Angus? There was only one way to find out.