Author's Note: LAST CHAPTER! What can I say… Thank you, thank you, thank you… It's not enough! You have no idea what your reviews, story alerts, favorites, author alerts (!) have made me feel. I've always been a little insecure about my writing since English is not my first language but you've given me lots of confidence to keep writing and let my creative mind wonder. I am so grateful for that because now I want to write more than ever about this ship even though I don't always have time for that. I wish I had had the time to thank every single review you've sent me because each one means the world to me. And you want to know what is the most wonderful thing that's happened?Now TVMatchmaker wants my advice on her fic and that makes me feel so humbled because I never thought I could go through with one of my stories and I am helping someone else with theirs. Oh God! I'm rambling now! Well I just want to let you know that I'm juggling some ideas on my mind for another multi-chapter fic but it's very probable that you'll hear from me sooner with one-shots because I only post a fic in progress when I have almost all the story written down because I don't want to leave you guys without an ending. Thank you so much all of you who have taken the time to read my stories I mean every word! Enjoy this last instalment!
X
After she left the marine's widow house she numbly drove back to her place. Every moment she spent on 815 room came flooding back and by the time she reached her place tears were already clouding her vision.
She saw Callen's Mercedes parked outside so she had to pull it together before going in. She strangled the wheel with her trembling hands as she took a couple of deep breaths.
I feel like I can't breathe without him…
She kept hearing it in her mind and it only reminded her of how strong her feelings were for him and how hard it was to keep them undisclosed.
She checked her face in the rier view mirror before coming out of the car and made the way back to her place.
The first thing she saw when she opened the door was a bunch of orchids sitting on the coffee table. She smiled at the gesture and felt butterflies in her stomach at the thought of Callen buying her flowers.
Kensi sat on the sofa and stared at them not trying to hide the happiness that was splattered all over her face. Her eyes only left the beautiful flowers when the man that was responsible for her sudden good mood came into the room.
"You know I hate flowers…" she commented teasingly following him with her eyes as he made his way to the kitchen to pick a couple of beers.
"Thought I'd take a chance…" he teased back approaching her and sitting on the couch beside her.
She pulled her legs up and turned her whole body so she could look at him with a curious look.
Callen felt her eyes burning his skin.
"What?" he asked.
"What did you break, Callen?" she asked curiously wondering what the flowers were really about.
He turned his face faking an outraged look, "Nothing, Kensi. I just…" his tone changed capturing her attention, "You deserve it, that's all"
She nodded smiling, "Thank you…"
He smiled back getting lost in her deep brown eyes.
She leaned her head down on the couch closing her eyes and inhaling deeply.
"Hard day?" he asked pretending he didn't know.
She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at the white ceiling contemplating the day she had had.
As he stared at her he could tell that the case had gotten under her skin. This was maybe a glimpse at how she had felt when he was shot. He eventually turned his look away feeling the guilt assault his mind.
"A marine was killed… at his place" she started telling him about the case.
He turned at the sound of her voice listening carefully to everything that she said.
She pulled herself up and looked at him straight in the eyes, "With five bullets…"
Just like me.
"Just like you…" her voice trembled as she hugged her knees close to her aching chest.
He couldn't be more surprised to hear her say it out loud. He could see that her eyes were brighter with unshed tears reflecting his guilt. He stayed away from her because he didn't want to hurt her or put their jobs on the line. He wanted to protect her from G. Callen and everything that came with him. But sometimes he wanted so bad to believe that they would be better off together. These days as her roommate were the best of his life despite the circumstances. But no one was safe with him… and she was the one in most danger.
Suddenly the silence between them became strangely uncomfortable as her statement echoed in the room.
"I can't lose you, Callen" she finally broke the silence as if the sentence came in one single breath living a sense of relief in her heart for getting it out of her system.
During the past few weeks she felt as if there had been a glass between them… with all the unspoken feelings and secrets. It was almost as if the house was empty even though they were living together.
All the small gestures like giving her flowers or drinking beer together only added to the distance they felt they needed to put between them. They pulled toward each other only to be more apart. She was too stubborn and independent and he was too lonely and guilty…
She always walked through the house carefully and yet so very close to him. Her mind raced to regain self-control every time he touched the small of her back when she was heating dinner for them or when his body brushed against hers on the way out of the bathroom every single morning. There were so many things that triggered her that she had to always be on alert.
But she wouldn't trade it for anything…
Her statement hanged between them as they stayed silent. Kensi looked anxiously at him as he let his head fall on his hands wondering what would become of this conversation. He wasn't good enough for her… and she was getting too close for him to be able to pull back.
"You don't have to say anything" she told him noticing his reluctance.
He stood and she followed every single move waiting for what came next. She turned her body letting her feet touch the ground again. She could see that every inch of his body was tense.
He kneeled in front of her letting his hands rest on top of her knees. He was as surprised by this move as she was. He could even feel the slight trembling of her legs as he made contact with her body.
They hadn't had been this close ever since the night she woke him up from the nightmare. It was as if an electromagnetic field was formed every time they touched. No one could get in but they weren't able to get out either.
He kept his eyes down, staring at his hands. For the first time in a very long time, Callen could not tell what the next move would be.
Tired of waiting, Kensi brought her hands to his face tenderly, trying to make eye contact with him. She could feel him unconsciously leaning into her touch and relaxing a little.
Eventually his eyes did come to meet hers and the usually icy blue stare was now warmer maybe reflecting her own deep brown eyes.
"I know this complicates things..." she told him as honestly as she could while letting go of his face, "And I know that you probably don't want to hear any of this..."
"It's not that I don't want to hear it, Kenz" he interrupted her whispering every word, "It's just that... it makes it real if you say it out loud"
She smiled bitterly at the situation they found themselves on. Could this be anymore complicated? He was her boss, her friend and in her heart the person that even though wrong felt so right to be with. He was G. Callen, the man that could become anyone in a blink of an eye. He was so good at being anyone but himself that he eventually lost it in the process. She wasn't even sure if she was really talking to him right now. But she did trust him with her own life and that had to count for something.
"When you were shot" Kensi broke the silence, "I thought I was never going to see you again," her voice started to break as she remembered those days.
"Kenz..." Callen whispered in a desperate attempt to make her stop.
"No, Callen. Just let me finish, please" she interrupted him placing her hands on top of his tenderly.
"I'm here... You're not going to lose me" his rough voice sent a jolt of energy through her body.
"Yes, I am, Callen" she caressed his face tenderly as she felt her heart twist at the thought of him leaving, "Actually; I never really had you…"
"What are you talking about, Kensi" he was confused by her words.
"You live here but… you're not WITH me" she struggled as she tried to explain her feelings, "You don't want to be…"
He looked down not able to face her, "It's not that I don't want to" he then looked up at her, "I can't… This is not right. I'm not good for you, Kenz"
A tear fell down her face as if expecting him to say exactly what he had just said. She immediately brushed it off.
"This was wrong from the beginning…I shouldn't have come to live with you…" he started rambling, "I had just got shot by God knows who and I put you in danger every single day just by being here with you"
"I'm not scared" she interrupted him with a whisper.
"Well I am!" he shot back raising his voice full of caged emotions and startling her in the process, "Because I can't lose you either, Kensi!"
Kensi trembled with anticipation. He was declaring himself to her in a very Callen style. At the same time, he was frustrated with himself because he wasn't able to push her away.
She lowered herself so that they were face to face. They could feel each other's frantic breathing on their semi-opened mouths that were so very close, only inches separating their lips. Kensi raised one hand to caress his rough cheek and coming a little bit closer, their lips brushed against each other in a split of a second sending a comforting warmness through their bodies.
"Don't do this…" he pleaded whispering against her mouth not able to walk away. Not anymore.
She wasn't walking away either. Instead she closed the little distance and their lips finally met gently. The kiss started slowly as they tasted each others' mouths shyly. After the initial shock, Callen let his tongue explore and finally met hers and it was then that they both lost all sense of control.
She wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her to him falling on his lap with her legs going around his waist. His hands explored her body while their mouths fought a losing battle against each other. He could feel his mind shutting down gradually as he pulled her body against his.
When they stopped for air they stood frozen staring into each others eyes. She caressed his face as he felt himself regaining some of his consciousness.
She could feel him immediately trying to pull back and run away but she held his face and their foreheads touched. They stood like that, motionless, for countless seconds. Neither one of them wanted to break the comfortable silence they were enveloped in. But Kensi needed to get everything out of her chest because she knew that this could be her last chance.
"I love you" her voice was barely a whisper.
He put some distance between them as their foreheads separated and he looked deeply into her eyes telling more than any words could.
"You're better off without me…"
"Probably" she smiled mocking him.
He smiled back proud of her fierceness and so in awe of her beauty. He looked deep into her brown eyes before leaning in and kissing her gently on the lips.
He left her wanting more.
"I love you too" he whispered.
Before giving it much thought Kensi pulled him for a deep kiss as his hands began to sneak under her t-shirt feeling her soft skin. She lifted her arms up so that he could take her top off leaving her brown curls wilder than ever. He caressed the strands away from her face and looked deeply into her eyes.
The way she always broke through his so well-crafted defenses only made him adore her more. He now knew, after all this time living together, that she would probably be the only woman who could handle all of his demons. She sure made it easier for him to deal with them.
She caressed his face trying to pull him out of his thoughts. She noticed his ice-blue eyes focusing on her again.
"What's wrong?" she asked him suddenly feeling insecure.
He smiled reassuringly and left a kiss on the tip of her nose, "Nothing"
She grinned surprised to see this side of him and then leaned for another passionate kiss.
They made love on the living room floor.
Callen couldn't remember the last time he had done it or if the woman knew his real name. Probably not…
Kensi doubted she had ever connected with anyone in the same way she did that night with him.
They laid in each other's arms, a blanket covering so little of their naked bodies. Kensi listened to the steady rhythm of his heart.
"Thank you" his voice echoed inside his chest tenderly breaking the silence that had enveloped them.
"For what?"
"Not giving up on me"
She propped her head up and looked into his eyes smiling.
"Don't worry…you're not something I'm willing to let go of"
He smiled sadly at her remembering all the other ones whose hearts he left broken. In that moment he promised himself he would never do that to her.
"Thank you" she whispered believing that his mind was wondering off again probably trying to plan his way out of this for her sake.
Kensi wasn't naïve. She knew that if she wanted to be with him she would have to deal with his demons too.
He looked back at her and repeated her words, "For what?"
"Letting me love you"
And she secretly prayed that he would let her keep doing that as her fingers caressed one of the five scars that brought them together.
***The end***
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