Part 10

Tommy leaned down and kissed Jude on the forehead and she looked up quickly giving him a distracted smile, before returning to her journal. He headed towards the kitchen to make some tea, before she called him, as he knew she would as soon as she had put lyrics to her new song. At 27 weeks her belly had started getting in the way of her playing the guitar so she had resorted to using Tommy whenever she needed help. No wonder there never seemed to be really fat guitarists out there. She had not been happy about her expanding belly, interfering with her music, but Tommy had thought it was hilarious, not that he had been stupid enough to comment on it. Except once. There were times in his past he never liked to mention, but that day was the first one in recent memory that he would have done anything to forget. Not that that he ever could, whenever he looked down at his left foot he could still see the small scar she had given him. He had learned early on to never piss off a pregnant Jude on purpose, not that he hadn't done it by accident any number of times.

He heard his cell ring and peeked his head back into the living room to see Jude still lost in her music. He went back into the living room to grab it from his leather jacket. His old one had been retired 3 years ago when Jude had given him a new one for Christmas and it had taken him this long to get it nice and worn like he liked. The number on caller I.D. Was an unfamiliar Toronto number. He hadn't gotten many calls from home in a few months. Usually it was only Kwest who kept in contact, since he had effectively alienated everyone else with his drunken binges, before he had left. Jude looked up with a question in her eyes and he shrugged before answering it. As he heard the voice on the line, he headed towards the bedroom, with Jude staring after him. She frowned as she tried to get back to her song.

He came out of the bedroom a few minutes later with a serious expression on his face.

"Jude." She looked up worry clearly evident on her face. Deep down there was still a small part of her that expected the worst, even though he had been here for her so far. "I need to go back to Toronto for a few days." She nodded, but didn't say anything. He could see the struggle she went through not to ask him why. It was like a fist to his gut that she still felt like she had no right to know everything that concerned him.

"I need to sign the papers for the divorce." He and Sadie had cited adultery as the reason for the divorce, so that it could be processed more quickly than the standard one year no fault procedure.. He had not told Jude this, not knowing how she would react. She bit her lip and nodded, looking down. He put his fingers under her chin and lifted her face up towards his for a gentle kiss. "Hey. I'll be back as soon as I can okay?"

"Okay." She said in a small voice. He wondered sometimes if she still believed he would disappear, but he didn't know how to reassure her except by being there.

She took him the airport the next day, but did not linger to see him off, as they were afraid she would be recognized. With her now swollen belly that was the last thing they both wanted. She had seemed so distant, it had hurt his heart to look at her. He did not want to leave her, especially now, but the baby wasn't due for a couple of months.

"I'll call as soon as I land." He had grabbed her up in one desperate embrace and kiss before heading into the airport.

Tommy looked over at his wife of almost 3 years as the final divorce papers were signed. He had never meant to hurt her in this way. She was a smart, beautiful person inside and out and she had loved him. He now knew although he had held affection for her and they had been happy together, he had not been right for her. She deserved something better than what he had offered all these years.

"Do you want to go get a coffee?" He asked hesitantly, not knowing how she felt about him anymore.

"Sure. Why not." She said and picked up her purse, walking out with him following.

They sat in a little coffee shop, almost empty in the late morning. Neither of them had said much so far. Both of them were aware of the irony that two people who had been married could now be so uncomfortable in each other's presence.

"How is Jude?" Sadie had not spoken to her sister, since that night Jude had finally called. She figured if anything important happened Tommy would have contacted her. She had known as soon as she had given Tommy, Jude's address that's where he would have gone. He looked like a totally different man from the one she had seen almost 4 months ago. He looked good, lighter as if the demons that had always haunted him were finally gone. She realized then, that she had not been the right woman for him, although once upon a time that had been all that she wanted. It wasn't that Jude had fixed him, it was more that she had finally given him a reason to change.

"She's great." He told her about Jude's frustration at not being able to play the guitar anymore and they both laughed.

"So when do you plan on getting married?" He looked at her, unable to answer. " Geez Tommy. You live with her, sleep in her bed, and you obviously love her. How could you not ask her? She's having your baby for God's sake!" Her voice rose at the last part, causing the few customers to turn their way.

"Sadie calm down." He quickly scanned the room making sure no one was watching them. " I did try to ask her." He told her how when he had mentioned marriage a couple of months ago Jude had gone ballistic. She had thrown a frying pan at him, luckily she had horrible aim, and then burst into tears and run into the bedroom locking the door behind her. Whenever he had mentioned it since, tears would well up in her eyes and she would look at him like he had killed her dog. Sadie shook her head.

"Tommy I've known you a longtime. You've never been one to let her get away with this. If you want to talk to her, just sit her down and make her listen. You know how stubborn she can be." He hung his head and sighed.

"I can't do that Sadie." Sadie felt like she was in an alternate universe. Here she was trying to figure out how to get her ex-husband married to her sister.

"Why not?"

"When I first went to see her she didn't want me there. She told me to leave...I had to promise her I would go anytime she told me to, before she would let me stay." Sadie was quiet for a few minutes as she tried to figure out her sister. Jude loved Tommy or she would never have let him stay with her. So why wouldn't she marry him?

"I don't get it. She loves you and she knows you love her...Wait..." She frowned as an idea came to her mind. Her ex-husband couldn't be that dense could he? "She does know you love her right?"

"Of course she knows. We wouldn't be in this mess if I didn't love her. Why would I be staying with her in the middle of nowhere?" Sadie sighed wondering how this man could have slept his way through North America, if he was this clueless about women.

"Umm...Maybe because she's having your baby." He was ready to protest, but she held up a hand. "Tommy...When you were with Boyz Attack I know you told girls you loved them just to get them into bed. Why is it, with Jude who you obviously love more than anything, you don't say the words?" He winced at this. He remembered the first few times he'd tried. She had kicked him out of her apartment, then she had tried to kick him out of her house and the last time she had fallen asleep before hearing his words. He was getting conditioned to feel like if he did say the words something would go wrong. He shook his head.

"She knows Sadie..."

"Tommy she's a woman. We need to hear these things. Not that I'm saying that's the only reason she won't marry you." He nodded, wondering how he could constantly screw up with the woman he loved most in this world. They talked a little more about mutual acquaintances and Sadie's new job as a vice president at one of G-major's rival company's.

"Sadie I'm sorry..about everything..." She nodded.

"Just take care of her okay?"

When Tommy got up to leave, Sadie stayed for another cup of coffee. She got her cell phone from her purse and dialed the number Jude had given her months before.

"Hello?"

"Hey little sis."

"Sadie?" Jude said in surprise. "How are you?" Her voice faltered as she realized what today was.

"I'm fine Jude. I just had coffee with Tommy."

"Oh..."

"Jude. He told me you won't talk about marrying him. What's going on?"

"I...I don't want to marry him or anybody. I mean people live together all the time."

"Jude I've known you for 22 years. That is not you. What's the real reason?"

"I can't Sadie...If the press finds out...And it's not fair to you..."

"Jude this isn't about me. This baby is more important than my feelings. And since when do you care about the press? It's time to grow up. You have a man that loves you and a baby on the way. I'm your sister and I know what marriage means to you."

"Sadie I'm sorry..."

"Look I know you're scared. Tommy loves you though. He will be there for you. Don't push him away."

"I...I'm just not used to anyone being there..."

"Oh Jude..." Sadie felt a pang of pain for her sister. Sure she had helped create this mess the three of them were in, but she had done it with the best intentions. "Sometimes... there is no right thing you can do. I forgive you. Forgive yourself. What you and Tommy share is once in a lifetime and I shouldn't have to be the one to tell you that." Sadie said forcefully.

"I want you to be happy Sadie."

"I will be Jude. Did I mention my new job?" Sadie went on to talk about things in Toronto. She didn't believe Jude and Tommy would be content to stay in the country forever. As much as they had hurt her, they would always be tied together by family. Sadie knew that this was not the time to mention it though. Maybe later when Jude had the baby.